https://anchor.fm/oldmanyellsatmusic/episodes/Episode-4-Rockin-grannies--Santa-muggers--and-a-beer-in-a-tree-The-Old-Mans-Holiday-Favorites-e9mrsj
The Christmas episode is here. No Bumbles, pathetic trees, or Heat Misers, just me talking about some Christmas songs I like. It comes without packages, boxes or bags, but it does have a YouTube playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQmX7KOXWeGnHu1oij8SY4r_Every time you listen, an angel gets its wings. Or I just crack a smile. Definitely one of those things will happen. Merry Christmas.
Saturday, December 21, 2019
Wednesday, December 18, 2019
AOMA: UKT40 November 30, 1974 Part One
Late 1974 in Britain. Just days after the date of this chart, the final episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus aired. It was no more. It ceased to be. It was an ex-show. And now for something completely different, here's what the charts looked like.
40 - "Happy Anniversary," Slim Whitman
A country singer from Tampa, Florida, Whitman was bigger here thanat home, as his 1955 hit "Rose Marie" held the record for mostmweeks at #1 for over 35 years. He had his first hit in 17 years with this heartfelt declaration of love to his wife. His voice is strange, but just short of cheesy. There's a reason I backed him over Boxcar Willie in the 80's TV mail order album wars.
39 - "Blue Angel," Gene Pitney
The Connecticut crooner's last solo hit here was this country/schlager number lamenting a childhood sweetheart who left her safe hometown to become a singer, only to become involved with the sex and the drugs. Pretty much the song Forrest Gump would have written about Jenny, if he wasn't an idiot and all.
38 - "Farewell is a Lonely Sound," Jimmy Ruffin
The second reissue this year of one of this Motown stars old Brit hits. I probably like it better than "What Becomes of the Brokenhearted," but it could be another case of lack of saturation airplay making the heart grow fonder.
37 - "Dance the Kung Fu," Carl Douglas
Douglas followed up his defining hit with as song proposing that the moves he promoted in that sing be used for more peaceful purposes. It's better than I imagined, but it still can't overcome the taint of mercenary commercialism.
36 - "Under My Thumb," Wayne Gibson
This London singer got his only hit when his 1966 cover of a Stones song about exercising control over a woman got picked up by Northern Soul DJs. It's inferior to the original in every way. The only thing it has can say is that the Stones never put it out as a single, so Gibson's is the bigger hit by default. Ah, the two sweetest words in the English language.
35 - "Minuetto Allegretto," The Wombles
The trash-collecting critters again, this time with a song about how Uncle Bulgaria owes his long life to his mastering of a French social dance. I'm used to British weirdness. Or at least I thought so. Listening to this reawakened my WTF. How is this a thing?
34 - "Lonely This Christmas," Mud
Following the success of Slade's "Merry Xmas Everybody" the previous year, these Surrey glammers put out their own Yuletide record, a holiday-themed breakup lament. It succeeded in snaring the Christmas #1, but to me it's just limp cheese.
33 - "Only You," Ringo Starr
Ringo does a soft-rock Platters cover, with help from John Lennon and Harry Nilsson. It grows on you.
32 - "Let's Get Together Again," The Glitter Band
The third hit on their own by Gary's backup was this fun, danceable reunion request. It's always nice to be able to enjoy the sound without the odious aftertaste left by a certain scumbag.
31 - "Sound Your Funky Horn," KC and the Sunshine Band
The second of two hits Harry Casey and co. had before their American breakthrough. It's grittier and less produced than the songs that made them ubiquitous.. They had straight funk chops, but they went in the more lucrative direction. Can't really blame them, I suppose.
30 - "All of Me Loves All of You," The Bay City Rollers
The fifth hit by the Scottish bubblegum rockers was this bouncy bit of empty calories. A three minute sugar rush, then you forget about it and slowly reorient to the world around you.
29 - "Down on the Beach Tonight," The Drifters
Another from their post-Ben E. King 70s British heyday. It's like the upbeat version of "Under the Boardwalk." These guys were doing fine work, even if they had to leave home to be recognized for it.
28 - "Get Dancin'," Disco Tex and His Sex-O-Lettes
Another spin of those doo-dahs from Sir Monti Rock. It's like what would happen if a coke fiend commandeered the dancers from The Dean Martin Show. It would almost make Dean spit out his drink, before he would stop short, not willing to waste good booze.
27 - "Tell Me Why," Alvin Stardust
The first of the glamthrob's singles not to hit the Top Ten. Makes sense to me. Just a subpar rockabilly ballad, sung competently at best.
26 - "Goodbye, Nothing to Say," The Javells and Nosmo King
The only hit for Londoner Stephen Jameson was this bit of prefab Northern soul. Not bad, but clearly an imitation. And yes, we get the joke behind the "singer's" name. Don't worry, I don't.
25 - "Never Turn Your Back on Mother Earth," Sparks
The third hit by the iconoclastic Mael brothers was this midtempo ballad about the destructive power of nature. I'd love to see them perform this on the White House lawn with guest vocalist Greta Thunberg.
24 - "Sha-La-La (Make Me Happy)," Al Green
Only the third Top 20 here for the soul legend. That surprises me. But I won't dwell on it, just get lost in Al's vocal silk and the bed of Memphis soul Willie Mitchell tucks it into.
23 - "Where Did All the Good Times Go," Donny Osmond
Donny's voice cracked, and while he could still carry a tune, he just didn't have the same charm at first. He couldn't sell big pop productions like this as well with the new voice, and thus, his golden era ended. Suddenly an idea such as, I don't know, a variety show with his sister, seemed appealing.
22 - "How Long," Ace
The Sheffield band's one big moment, this soul-rocker about learning of infidelity, went Top Five in North America but only hit #20 here. Paul Carrack would make out all right afterward, but the rest of them couldn't get even another ball over the net.
21 - "Junior's Farm," Paul McCartney and Wings
Macca with a nice rocker about a farm he stayed at in Tennessee and how he cheats at poker. It's got a loose, "Get Back" kind of feel. It would have been nice if he'd done more of this.
In Part Two: spices, gems, and sorcery.
40 - "Happy Anniversary," Slim Whitman
A country singer from Tampa, Florida, Whitman was bigger here thanat home, as his 1955 hit "Rose Marie" held the record for mostmweeks at #1 for over 35 years. He had his first hit in 17 years with this heartfelt declaration of love to his wife. His voice is strange, but just short of cheesy. There's a reason I backed him over Boxcar Willie in the 80's TV mail order album wars.
39 - "Blue Angel," Gene Pitney
The Connecticut crooner's last solo hit here was this country/schlager number lamenting a childhood sweetheart who left her safe hometown to become a singer, only to become involved with the sex and the drugs. Pretty much the song Forrest Gump would have written about Jenny, if he wasn't an idiot and all.
38 - "Farewell is a Lonely Sound," Jimmy Ruffin
The second reissue this year of one of this Motown stars old Brit hits. I probably like it better than "What Becomes of the Brokenhearted," but it could be another case of lack of saturation airplay making the heart grow fonder.
37 - "Dance the Kung Fu," Carl Douglas
Douglas followed up his defining hit with as song proposing that the moves he promoted in that sing be used for more peaceful purposes. It's better than I imagined, but it still can't overcome the taint of mercenary commercialism.
36 - "Under My Thumb," Wayne Gibson
This London singer got his only hit when his 1966 cover of a Stones song about exercising control over a woman got picked up by Northern Soul DJs. It's inferior to the original in every way. The only thing it has can say is that the Stones never put it out as a single, so Gibson's is the bigger hit by default. Ah, the two sweetest words in the English language.
35 - "Minuetto Allegretto," The Wombles
The trash-collecting critters again, this time with a song about how Uncle Bulgaria owes his long life to his mastering of a French social dance. I'm used to British weirdness. Or at least I thought so. Listening to this reawakened my WTF. How is this a thing?
34 - "Lonely This Christmas," Mud
Following the success of Slade's "Merry Xmas Everybody" the previous year, these Surrey glammers put out their own Yuletide record, a holiday-themed breakup lament. It succeeded in snaring the Christmas #1, but to me it's just limp cheese.
33 - "Only You," Ringo Starr
Ringo does a soft-rock Platters cover, with help from John Lennon and Harry Nilsson. It grows on you.
32 - "Let's Get Together Again," The Glitter Band
The third hit on their own by Gary's backup was this fun, danceable reunion request. It's always nice to be able to enjoy the sound without the odious aftertaste left by a certain scumbag.
31 - "Sound Your Funky Horn," KC and the Sunshine Band
The second of two hits Harry Casey and co. had before their American breakthrough. It's grittier and less produced than the songs that made them ubiquitous.. They had straight funk chops, but they went in the more lucrative direction. Can't really blame them, I suppose.
30 - "All of Me Loves All of You," The Bay City Rollers
The fifth hit by the Scottish bubblegum rockers was this bouncy bit of empty calories. A three minute sugar rush, then you forget about it and slowly reorient to the world around you.
29 - "Down on the Beach Tonight," The Drifters
Another from their post-Ben E. King 70s British heyday. It's like the upbeat version of "Under the Boardwalk." These guys were doing fine work, even if they had to leave home to be recognized for it.
28 - "Get Dancin'," Disco Tex and His Sex-O-Lettes
Another spin of those doo-dahs from Sir Monti Rock. It's like what would happen if a coke fiend commandeered the dancers from The Dean Martin Show. It would almost make Dean spit out his drink, before he would stop short, not willing to waste good booze.
27 - "Tell Me Why," Alvin Stardust
The first of the glamthrob's singles not to hit the Top Ten. Makes sense to me. Just a subpar rockabilly ballad, sung competently at best.
26 - "Goodbye, Nothing to Say," The Javells and Nosmo King
The only hit for Londoner Stephen Jameson was this bit of prefab Northern soul. Not bad, but clearly an imitation. And yes, we get the joke behind the "singer's" name. Don't worry, I don't.
25 - "Never Turn Your Back on Mother Earth," Sparks
The third hit by the iconoclastic Mael brothers was this midtempo ballad about the destructive power of nature. I'd love to see them perform this on the White House lawn with guest vocalist Greta Thunberg.
24 - "Sha-La-La (Make Me Happy)," Al Green
Only the third Top 20 here for the soul legend. That surprises me. But I won't dwell on it, just get lost in Al's vocal silk and the bed of Memphis soul Willie Mitchell tucks it into.
23 - "Where Did All the Good Times Go," Donny Osmond
Donny's voice cracked, and while he could still carry a tune, he just didn't have the same charm at first. He couldn't sell big pop productions like this as well with the new voice, and thus, his golden era ended. Suddenly an idea such as, I don't know, a variety show with his sister, seemed appealing.
22 - "How Long," Ace
The Sheffield band's one big moment, this soul-rocker about learning of infidelity, went Top Five in North America but only hit #20 here. Paul Carrack would make out all right afterward, but the rest of them couldn't get even another ball over the net.
21 - "Junior's Farm," Paul McCartney and Wings
Macca with a nice rocker about a farm he stayed at in Tennessee and how he cheats at poker. It's got a loose, "Get Back" kind of feel. It would have been nice if he'd done more of this.
In Part Two: spices, gems, and sorcery.
Saturday, December 14, 2019
OMYAM Podcast Episode 3 - December 12, 1987
https://anchor.fm/oldmanyellsatmusic/episodes/Episode-3-December-12--1987-e9evb9
Episode 3 is here. I'm feeling hot, hot, hot, but I don't mind at all, because I have true faith that I'm not an animal, I'm the man. And I will try to write a letter from America, because I've got my mind set on you. This will make sense if you listen, and even more if you check out the YouTube playlist https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQn7ZO1SPvu_sqq6klwjv8hS And remember to keep warm during this hazy shade of winter or you might drop the china in your hand.
Episode 3 is here. I'm feeling hot, hot, hot, but I don't mind at all, because I have true faith that I'm not an animal, I'm the man. And I will try to write a letter from America, because I've got my mind set on you. This will make sense if you listen, and even more if you check out the YouTube playlist https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQn7ZO1SPvu_sqq6klwjv8hS And remember to keep warm during this hazy shade of winter or you might drop the china in your hand.
Friday, December 6, 2019
The OMYAM Podcast Episode #2: Helen's Crazy Ladies, Cher's Gals in Trouble, and their Sharpshootin' Little Sister
https://anchor.fm/oldmanyellsatmusic/episodes/Episode-2-Helens-Crazy-Ladies--Cher-s-Gals-in-Trouble--and-Their-Sharpshootin-Little-Sister-e9crm8
I'm back. If you've been reading here regularly, you know how much I love me some "Angie Baby." Now you get to hear me talk about it and six other hits by Helen Reddy, Cher, and Vicki Lawrence. And there's a YouTube playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQnKj3DuUfIR8E-0xMrxDGNa You asked for it, you got more of me. I hope you like it.
I'm back. If you've been reading here regularly, you know how much I love me some "Angie Baby." Now you get to hear me talk about it and six other hits by Helen Reddy, Cher, and Vicki Lawrence. And there's a YouTube playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQnKj3DuUfIR8E-0xMrxDGNa You asked for it, you got more of me. I hope you like it.
Thursday, December 5, 2019
AOMA: UKT40 November 10, 1979 Part Two
The finishing straight.
20 - "My Forbidden Lover," Chic
The disco kings' sixth hit is a little below their best, but that's still enough to be better than 95% of the genre. Nile Rodgers had the touch.
19 - "A Message to You Rudy," The Specials
The second hit for the Coventry ska bamd was this Dandy Livingstone cover advising youth to avoid behavior that would dim their future prospects. It would have me stop my messing around, if that counts for anything.
18 - "Star," Earth, Wind and Fire
EWF's seventh hit here was this horn-laden funk tune about celestial bodies and light and positive stuff. Tracks like this make them seem like actual forces of nature, not just a band named after them.
17 - "Making Plans for Nigel," XTC
The Swindon band's breakthrough was this loping rocker about parents who have their child's future mapped out for him, and are certain that his meek acceptance of their vision means he's happy with it. It has that Kinks thing of presenting a seemingly mundane scenario and bringing out the darkness lurking beneath. One of the best pop songs anywhere from this year.
16 - "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough," Michael Jackson
Both Canada and Britain held Michael's ode to the power of The Force to #3. So very wrong. This deserves all the crowns, as the kids say.
15 - "The Sparrow," The Ramblers
This was a song by the choir of Manchester's Abbey Hey Junior School. It's a song about a bird and turnips and not having colorful feathers. The UK had a weird thing about songs by kiddie choirs popping up on the charts, and as these things go, at least it's weird. They're not just straight pandering to Grandma, like those St. Winifred's brats.
14 - "The Chosen Few," The Dooleys
The family group's third and last Top Ten is more cut-rate ABBA. Which looks especially pale when you see what the real thing was up to at this time.
13 - "OK Fred," Errol Dunkley
Jamaican Dunkley's biggest hit was this easy-going reggae track about the benefits of being a "yaga yaga," i.e., a cool, laid-back, stylish person. There are some sounds in the background that sound somewhat like someone hitting a bong, but really, marijuana use being glorified in a reggae record? Perish the thought.
12 - "Video Killed the Radio Star," The Buggles
The eulogy for the wireless that went to #1, became the first song played on MTV, and may have contributed to these guys joining Yes. But it should also be remembered as a damn excellent pop song.
11 - "She's in Love with You," Suzy Quatro
Suzi Q's last hit of the decade melds glam with disco successfully. It's too bad she was starting to flame out at this point, just as Pat Benatar and Joan Jett were starting to get rolling in the States. She might have been able to establish herself at home for something other than Leather Tuscadero.
10 - "Still," The Commodores
Lionel Richie's Alabama gang had their second American #1 with this ballad of enduring love. It didn't repeat the Triple Crown success of "Three Times a Lady," stopping at #2 in Canada and #4 here, but it's certainly not a lesser song. It's a more adult and realistic look at romance, and Lionel is up to the task, as always.
9 - "On My Radio," The Selecter
The Specials' 2 Tone labelmates had their second hit with this ska banger about a woman who loses her boyfriend's attenation to the music on the red radio she bought him. I like how Pauline Black's voice goes into some Siouxsie Sioux/Kate Bush territory on the choruses.
8 - "Gonna Get Along Without You Now," Viola Wills
Veteran L.A. session singer Wills scored her biggest hit at 40 with this disco cover of a 1952 Teresa Brewer song about moving on from a bad relationship. A more understated, but just as effective, "I Will Survive."
7 - "The Eton Rifles," The Jam
The Surrey moss had their first Top Ten with this snarling rocker about clashes literal and figurative between working class kids and posh private school boys. This distinctly British dynamic made for some fine rock n'roll, and this is one of the shinier gems.
6 - "Tusk," Fleetwood Mac
The biggest band in the world decides that they can do whatever the hell they want, and that meant using meat as percussion instruments and bringing in a full marching band. It was madness, it was blind excess, but I'm so glad it happen. I will say that I love it.
5 - "Crazy Little Thing Called Love," Queen
Freddie Mercury wrote this Elvis-style rockabilly number in ten minutes. Britain held it to #2, denying it a Triple Crown. I'm sure Fred got over it, maybe by taking a long ride on a motorbike.
4 - "Everyday Hurts," Sad Cafe
The first and biggest hit for these Mancunians was this ballad about post-breakup pain. It tries really hard to be more artful than cheesy, but it comes up short in my estimation. The group's name is apt, because this is the song that would be playing on a loop in the restaurant of the Heartbreak Hotel.
3 - "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)," ABBA
The point where sweet, innocent Swedish pop royalty suddenly sounded, as they might say these days, thirsty AF. Agnetha was lonely, and she wasn't shy about it. And it didn't sound like a sudden trendy pivot; rather, it seemed like a natural breakout after years of repression. Madonna nicked it a quarter-century later, but surprisingly, they elevated her, not the other way around.
2 - "When You're in Love with a Beautiful Woman," Dr. Hook
These guys in their mush disco phase. Britain decided they had to make it a #1. Rolling Stone should have retroactively retracted their cover for this shit.
1 - "One Day at a Time," Lena Martell
Between Marilyn Sellars 1974 U.S. Top 40 hit version of this prayer for heavenly life assistance and Cristy Lane's 1980 country charttopping version, Glaswegian Martell took her recording to the top on this side of the Atlantic. I find her pronunciations of the word "strength" distracting, but that's probably the Scottish accent. Anyway, I think I'd appreciate this song more if I heard a rawer, more stripped-down version by its co-author, Kris
Kristofferson.
There's another one down. Be back tomorrow night for the second episode of the podcast. You guys encouraged me, so you only have yourselves to blame. Until then, goodbye to
20 - "My Forbidden Lover," Chic
The disco kings' sixth hit is a little below their best, but that's still enough to be better than 95% of the genre. Nile Rodgers had the touch.
19 - "A Message to You Rudy," The Specials
The second hit for the Coventry ska bamd was this Dandy Livingstone cover advising youth to avoid behavior that would dim their future prospects. It would have me stop my messing around, if that counts for anything.
18 - "Star," Earth, Wind and Fire
EWF's seventh hit here was this horn-laden funk tune about celestial bodies and light and positive stuff. Tracks like this make them seem like actual forces of nature, not just a band named after them.
17 - "Making Plans for Nigel," XTC
The Swindon band's breakthrough was this loping rocker about parents who have their child's future mapped out for him, and are certain that his meek acceptance of their vision means he's happy with it. It has that Kinks thing of presenting a seemingly mundane scenario and bringing out the darkness lurking beneath. One of the best pop songs anywhere from this year.
16 - "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough," Michael Jackson
Both Canada and Britain held Michael's ode to the power of The Force to #3. So very wrong. This deserves all the crowns, as the kids say.
15 - "The Sparrow," The Ramblers
This was a song by the choir of Manchester's Abbey Hey Junior School. It's a song about a bird and turnips and not having colorful feathers. The UK had a weird thing about songs by kiddie choirs popping up on the charts, and as these things go, at least it's weird. They're not just straight pandering to Grandma, like those St. Winifred's brats.
14 - "The Chosen Few," The Dooleys
The family group's third and last Top Ten is more cut-rate ABBA. Which looks especially pale when you see what the real thing was up to at this time.
13 - "OK Fred," Errol Dunkley
Jamaican Dunkley's biggest hit was this easy-going reggae track about the benefits of being a "yaga yaga," i.e., a cool, laid-back, stylish person. There are some sounds in the background that sound somewhat like someone hitting a bong, but really, marijuana use being glorified in a reggae record? Perish the thought.
12 - "Video Killed the Radio Star," The Buggles
The eulogy for the wireless that went to #1, became the first song played on MTV, and may have contributed to these guys joining Yes. But it should also be remembered as a damn excellent pop song.
11 - "She's in Love with You," Suzy Quatro
Suzi Q's last hit of the decade melds glam with disco successfully. It's too bad she was starting to flame out at this point, just as Pat Benatar and Joan Jett were starting to get rolling in the States. She might have been able to establish herself at home for something other than Leather Tuscadero.
10 - "Still," The Commodores
Lionel Richie's Alabama gang had their second American #1 with this ballad of enduring love. It didn't repeat the Triple Crown success of "Three Times a Lady," stopping at #2 in Canada and #4 here, but it's certainly not a lesser song. It's a more adult and realistic look at romance, and Lionel is up to the task, as always.
9 - "On My Radio," The Selecter
The Specials' 2 Tone labelmates had their second hit with this ska banger about a woman who loses her boyfriend's attenation to the music on the red radio she bought him. I like how Pauline Black's voice goes into some Siouxsie Sioux/Kate Bush territory on the choruses.
8 - "Gonna Get Along Without You Now," Viola Wills
Veteran L.A. session singer Wills scored her biggest hit at 40 with this disco cover of a 1952 Teresa Brewer song about moving on from a bad relationship. A more understated, but just as effective, "I Will Survive."
7 - "The Eton Rifles," The Jam
The Surrey moss had their first Top Ten with this snarling rocker about clashes literal and figurative between working class kids and posh private school boys. This distinctly British dynamic made for some fine rock n'roll, and this is one of the shinier gems.
6 - "Tusk," Fleetwood Mac
The biggest band in the world decides that they can do whatever the hell they want, and that meant using meat as percussion instruments and bringing in a full marching band. It was madness, it was blind excess, but I'm so glad it happen. I will say that I love it.
5 - "Crazy Little Thing Called Love," Queen
Freddie Mercury wrote this Elvis-style rockabilly number in ten minutes. Britain held it to #2, denying it a Triple Crown. I'm sure Fred got over it, maybe by taking a long ride on a motorbike.
4 - "Everyday Hurts," Sad Cafe
The first and biggest hit for these Mancunians was this ballad about post-breakup pain. It tries really hard to be more artful than cheesy, but it comes up short in my estimation. The group's name is apt, because this is the song that would be playing on a loop in the restaurant of the Heartbreak Hotel.
3 - "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)," ABBA
The point where sweet, innocent Swedish pop royalty suddenly sounded, as they might say these days, thirsty AF. Agnetha was lonely, and she wasn't shy about it. And it didn't sound like a sudden trendy pivot; rather, it seemed like a natural breakout after years of repression. Madonna nicked it a quarter-century later, but surprisingly, they elevated her, not the other way around.
2 - "When You're in Love with a Beautiful Woman," Dr. Hook
These guys in their mush disco phase. Britain decided they had to make it a #1. Rolling Stone should have retroactively retracted their cover for this shit.
1 - "One Day at a Time," Lena Martell
Between Marilyn Sellars 1974 U.S. Top 40 hit version of this prayer for heavenly life assistance and Cristy Lane's 1980 country charttopping version, Glaswegian Martell took her recording to the top on this side of the Atlantic. I find her pronunciations of the word "strength" distracting, but that's probably the Scottish accent. Anyway, I think I'd appreciate this song more if I heard a rawer, more stripped-down version by its co-author, Kris
Kristofferson.
There's another one down. Be back tomorrow night for the second episode of the podcast. You guys encouraged me, so you only have yourselves to blame. Until then, goodbye to
Friday, November 29, 2019
Me Make Podcast? That's Unpossible!
Surprise! They have Old Man Yells at Music on podcasts now.
https://anchor.fm/oldmanyellsatmusic
The first episode is about songs on the American, British, and Canadian charts on November 24, 1979. I talk (!) about the Village People's optimism about the future, Trooper's fashion judgment, Kermit the Frog's pop career, the record-promoting power of soap opera assault, ABBA on the prowl, Fleetwood Mac's lack of fucks given, and much more. And at least three Simpsons references.
It's a DIY, no-budget production, and yeah, you can tell. There's a couple of glitches, and some nerves show through. And I apologize in advance to Ted Koppel for making it sound like he used to host a nightly nude show.
But overall, I think you'll find it interesting and entertaining. It's a new beginning. You could be one of the lucky ones who can say "I was listening when..." Or maybe it'll be more like "I was listening...why?" Either way, I invite you to give Episode 1: November 24, 1979 a try. It's not bad. Really.
Oh, and if you want to follow along, I made a companion YouTube playlist:https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQkAj8MhxUKbL41em-Bd8qCi.
Next time will be Part Two of November 10. For sure.
https://anchor.fm/oldmanyellsatmusic
The first episode is about songs on the American, British, and Canadian charts on November 24, 1979. I talk (!) about the Village People's optimism about the future, Trooper's fashion judgment, Kermit the Frog's pop career, the record-promoting power of soap opera assault, ABBA on the prowl, Fleetwood Mac's lack of fucks given, and much more. And at least three Simpsons references.
It's a DIY, no-budget production, and yeah, you can tell. There's a couple of glitches, and some nerves show through. And I apologize in advance to Ted Koppel for making it sound like he used to host a nightly nude show.
But overall, I think you'll find it interesting and entertaining. It's a new beginning. You could be one of the lucky ones who can say "I was listening when..." Or maybe it'll be more like "I was listening...why?" Either way, I invite you to give Episode 1: November 24, 1979 a try. It's not bad. Really.
Oh, and if you want to follow along, I made a companion YouTube playlist:https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQkAj8MhxUKbL41em-Bd8qCi.
Next time will be Part Two of November 10. For sure.
AOMA:UKT40 November 10, 1979 Part One
November 1979. Around this time, the Times of London resumed publishing after an 11-month strike. And people could read it while these songs played on the radio.
40 - "It's a Disco Night (Rock Don't Stop)," The Isley Brothers
The Cincinnati soul vets try out disco. They don't dilute the funk, and Ronald is his usual smooth-voiced self. It's on trend, but still truly theirs.
39 - "Bird Song," Lene Lovich
The third and final hit for the Detroit native features her using her signature new wave wail to actually mimic bird calls. Also, the lyrics seem to indicate that she is comparing a lost love to a bird who flies away and dies, only for her to find and...eat. Possibly the instance where the crazy of her singing best matches the crazy of the song.
38 - "Whatever You Want," Status Quo
The Quo's last Top Five of the decade starts out interesting, but eventually becomes their usual marriage of corporate rock and pub singalongs. As those go, it's one of their better ones, but it doesn't quite transcend the formula.
37 - "Sarah," Thin Lizzy
An uncharacteristic soft-rocker written by Phil Lynott about his newborn daughter. Tender, sweet, and catchy. The rock version of "Isn't She Lovely."
36 - "Queen of Hearts," Dave Edmunds
Edmund's had a hit here with this chugging song about the risks of the game of love two years before Juice Newton had an American smash with it. Juice did better. Edmunds whine just doesn't make me care about the song.
35 - "Dreaming," Blondie
Their fifth Top Five here was this sparkly power pop gem about the power of reverie. Debbie Harry was inhabiting the dreams of many at this time, and songs like this helped discourage awakening.
34 - "Sad Eyes," Robert John
The Brooklyn singer's falsetto-laden yacht rocker was his only Top 40 here, reaching #31. In Canada, it hit #3, and in the States, it somehow hit #1. I do not understand how. Especially since the song it knocked off was "My Sharona." America really must have fell for those puppy-dog peepers.
33 - "You Can Do It," Al Hudson and the Soul Partners
A solid one-hit funk-disco wonder from a Detroit group. Third-rate Chic is still very enjoyable.
32 - "You've Got My Number (Why Don't You Use It)," The Undertones
The third hit for the Derry pop-punks was this punchy pickup attempt. Short, sharp, super.
31 - "Since You've Been Gone," Rainbow
The first Top Ten for Ritchie Blackmore's post-Deep Purple band was this rocking lost-love lament. A pop-metal precursor.
30 - "I Don't Want to Be a Freak (But I Can't Help Myself)," Dynasty
The biggest hit for this L.A. funk band was this song about a woman who loses control over her own body when favorable music plays. But in a sexy way, of course. No adult diapers required.
29 - "He Was Beautiful," Iris Williams
This Welsh singer had her biggest hit with a drippy love song, dramatically sung to the tune of the music used as the theme to The Deer Hunter. It's a shame she couldn't have incorporated "Didi mao!" into the lyrics
28 - "The Great Rock n'Roll Swindle," The Sex Pistols
The title track to the film about the short, chaotic career of the band is bratty braggadocio about how the group milked easy money out of their first two labels, contains a line that had already been fulfilled by Sid Vicious ("I'm a jealous god and I want everything/I loved you with a knife") and ends with them profanely slagging off rock stars, including themselves. That pretty much sums up the pointless but memorable nihilism of their brief, cacophonous run.
27 - "No More Tears," Donna Summer and Barbra Streisand
The diva duel for the ages. It's all Donna on my scorecard, but Babs gets credit for going the distance.
26 - "Rise," Herb Alpert
Herbie goes disco. He did fine, so I don't mind if he toots his own horn.
25 - "Knocked it Off," B.A. Robertson
The Scotsman's second hit was this whimsical attempt at satire about how easy it is to write a hit and get rich. He's all snarky and sarcastic, but where someone like Ian Dury could do something like this and make it charming, this guy comes off like a snob who'd above this pop nonsense and is just doing this to make money until Andrew Lioyd Webber discovers him and he can sing real music. Bleah.
24 - "The Devil Went Down to Georgia," The Charlie Daniels Band
Chuck's tale of fiddlin' with Satan got him his only real chart action over here. I wonder if Granny is telling the truth about her dog's temperament. Maybe that chicken in the bread pan knows.
23 - "Message in a Bottle," The Police
Britain responded to Sting's SOS to the world with a #1. It's no hundred million bottles, but I'm sure it was similarly validating.
22 - "Luton Airport," Cats UK
The only hit for this all-female band was this new wavish number about a working class girl's fling in Spain. It was inspired by a liquor commercial, and it owes more than a little to Squeeze's "Cool for Cats." A song of it's time and place that can't possibly matter to anyone beyond that.
21 - "Ladies Night," Kool and the Gang
Their first Top Ten in all three Crown countries, and the beginning of their most commercial period. Yes, "Cherish" is partly this song's fault. It's a good enough song to overcome that, but still.
In Part Two: So much disco. God save us.
40 - "It's a Disco Night (Rock Don't Stop)," The Isley Brothers
The Cincinnati soul vets try out disco. They don't dilute the funk, and Ronald is his usual smooth-voiced self. It's on trend, but still truly theirs.
39 - "Bird Song," Lene Lovich
The third and final hit for the Detroit native features her using her signature new wave wail to actually mimic bird calls. Also, the lyrics seem to indicate that she is comparing a lost love to a bird who flies away and dies, only for her to find and...eat. Possibly the instance where the crazy of her singing best matches the crazy of the song.
38 - "Whatever You Want," Status Quo
The Quo's last Top Five of the decade starts out interesting, but eventually becomes their usual marriage of corporate rock and pub singalongs. As those go, it's one of their better ones, but it doesn't quite transcend the formula.
37 - "Sarah," Thin Lizzy
An uncharacteristic soft-rocker written by Phil Lynott about his newborn daughter. Tender, sweet, and catchy. The rock version of "Isn't She Lovely."
36 - "Queen of Hearts," Dave Edmunds
Edmund's had a hit here with this chugging song about the risks of the game of love two years before Juice Newton had an American smash with it. Juice did better. Edmunds whine just doesn't make me care about the song.
35 - "Dreaming," Blondie
Their fifth Top Five here was this sparkly power pop gem about the power of reverie. Debbie Harry was inhabiting the dreams of many at this time, and songs like this helped discourage awakening.
34 - "Sad Eyes," Robert John
The Brooklyn singer's falsetto-laden yacht rocker was his only Top 40 here, reaching #31. In Canada, it hit #3, and in the States, it somehow hit #1. I do not understand how. Especially since the song it knocked off was "My Sharona." America really must have fell for those puppy-dog peepers.
33 - "You Can Do It," Al Hudson and the Soul Partners
A solid one-hit funk-disco wonder from a Detroit group. Third-rate Chic is still very enjoyable.
32 - "You've Got My Number (Why Don't You Use It)," The Undertones
The third hit for the Derry pop-punks was this punchy pickup attempt. Short, sharp, super.
31 - "Since You've Been Gone," Rainbow
The first Top Ten for Ritchie Blackmore's post-Deep Purple band was this rocking lost-love lament. A pop-metal precursor.
30 - "I Don't Want to Be a Freak (But I Can't Help Myself)," Dynasty
The biggest hit for this L.A. funk band was this song about a woman who loses control over her own body when favorable music plays. But in a sexy way, of course. No adult diapers required.
29 - "He Was Beautiful," Iris Williams
This Welsh singer had her biggest hit with a drippy love song, dramatically sung to the tune of the music used as the theme to The Deer Hunter. It's a shame she couldn't have incorporated "Didi mao!" into the lyrics
28 - "The Great Rock n'Roll Swindle," The Sex Pistols
The title track to the film about the short, chaotic career of the band is bratty braggadocio about how the group milked easy money out of their first two labels, contains a line that had already been fulfilled by Sid Vicious ("I'm a jealous god and I want everything/I loved you with a knife") and ends with them profanely slagging off rock stars, including themselves. That pretty much sums up the pointless but memorable nihilism of their brief, cacophonous run.
27 - "No More Tears," Donna Summer and Barbra Streisand
The diva duel for the ages. It's all Donna on my scorecard, but Babs gets credit for going the distance.
26 - "Rise," Herb Alpert
Herbie goes disco. He did fine, so I don't mind if he toots his own horn.
25 - "Knocked it Off," B.A. Robertson
The Scotsman's second hit was this whimsical attempt at satire about how easy it is to write a hit and get rich. He's all snarky and sarcastic, but where someone like Ian Dury could do something like this and make it charming, this guy comes off like a snob who'd above this pop nonsense and is just doing this to make money until Andrew Lioyd Webber discovers him and he can sing real music. Bleah.
24 - "The Devil Went Down to Georgia," The Charlie Daniels Band
Chuck's tale of fiddlin' with Satan got him his only real chart action over here. I wonder if Granny is telling the truth about her dog's temperament. Maybe that chicken in the bread pan knows.
23 - "Message in a Bottle," The Police
Britain responded to Sting's SOS to the world with a #1. It's no hundred million bottles, but I'm sure it was similarly validating.
22 - "Luton Airport," Cats UK
The only hit for this all-female band was this new wavish number about a working class girl's fling in Spain. It was inspired by a liquor commercial, and it owes more than a little to Squeeze's "Cool for Cats." A song of it's time and place that can't possibly matter to anyone beyond that.
21 - "Ladies Night," Kool and the Gang
Their first Top Ten in all three Crown countries, and the beginning of their most commercial period. Yes, "Cherish" is partly this song's fault. It's a good enough song to overcome that, but still.
In Part Two: So much disco. God save us.
Tuesday, November 19, 2019
The OMUTURE: Round One, Part 3
The third section of the opening round is full of trends and doom. Here we go. And again, you can follow along on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQmwo3sqB5fMf40Qy5Srd1t2
THE MOVES OF THE STREETS BOWL
"Double Dutch Bus," Frankie Smith, 1981
vs. "Breakdance," Irene Cara, 1984
Two songs about forms of recreation popular in urban America. Philadelphian Smith went to #30 with his funky ode to public transportation and skipping with two ropes. Later, Bronx singer Cara made it to #8 with a song about a new dance craze that involved popping, locking, and spinning on your heads.
Final Score: Bus 45, Breakdance 7. Cara's crew had some impressive moves, but the Dutchmen had fancier footwork, and their penchant for calling their plays in a deceptive slang had the Brizzeak Dizzancizzers bizzewizzildizzered. The Bus rolls on.
THE ZEROES AND ONES BOWL
"Pac-Man Fever," Buckner and Garcia, 1982
vs. "Digital Display," Ready for the World, 1986
Two hits about technology and numbers. First, a duo from Akron, Ohio made it to #9 with a tribute to the arcade video game where you increase your score by having a computer-generated yellow circle eat dots. Then, an R&B group from Flint, Michigan hit #21 with a song that pictures a women's measurements appearing in LED numerals somewhere on her body.
Final Score: Fever 52, Display 10. The Pac-men gobbled up yardage by using their ability to slickly fake out the defense. Though well-built, the Ready for the World team wasn't ready to prevent their opponents from running up a big score.
THE NOT QUITE HUMAN BOWL
"Clones (We're All)," Alice Cooper, 1980
vs. "Mr. Roboto," Styx, 1983
Two songs about people who aren't really people. Detroit shock rock legend Cooper hit #40 with a song about multiple genetic copies and their longing for individuality. Meanwhile, the Bob Seger of Chicago made it to #3 with a tune about an android Iin a dystopian future.
Final Score: Roboto 37, Clones 31 (OT) This was one of the most anticipated first round clashes, and it did not disappoint. Electronic innovation and genetic engineering battles to a stalemate after regulation time, but the Roboto squad was able to pull out the overtime victory by deploying a trick play involving an unheralded running back named Kilroy.
THE REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE BOWL
"Answering Machine," Rupert Holmes, 1980
vs. "Obscene Phone Caller," Rockwell, 1984
Two songs about Alexander Graham Bell's claim to fame. Holmes, writer of OMUSURT champion "Timothy," went to #32 with a song about getting frustrated by the precursor to voicemail. Later, Kennedy Gordy reached #35 with a number about people who play telephone pranks involving sexually suggestive heavy breathing.
Final Score: Caller 24, Machine 0. The Rockwell team came in with a lot of enmity toward people who breathe heavily, and when they heard their opponents panting with exertion, they took out their aggression.
THE EXPERIMENTATION BOWL
"Shock the Monkey," Peter Gabriel, 1982
vs. "She Blinded Me with Science," Thomas Dolby, 1983
Two songs that reference things that happen in laboratories. The former Genesis frontman hit #29 with a song that compares jealousy to simian electrocution. Meanwhile, another Englishman hit #5 comparing love to machinery and chemical reactions.
Final Score: Science 30, Monkey 3. The Shockers tried some electrifying tactics, but they never seemed to see what was coming from the Dolby side, who, at their best, played like poetry in motion. They move on to the next round, although for some reason, one of their fans is still in the stadium, shouting "Science!" at random intervals.
THE DISGUISE YOUR EYES BOWL
"Sunglasses at Night," Corey Hart, 1984
vs. "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades," Timbuk 3, 1986
Two songs about protective eyewear. First, a young man from Montreal made it to #7 with a song about how he wore dark glasses even at the time of day where there is less light. Then, a duo from Wisconsin hit #19 with a tune about a nuclear science student who looks forward to making enough money to buy a lot of beer.
Final Score: Shades 31, Sunglasses 13. Both teams wore dark visors on their helmets, but behind them, the Futurists were smarter, more unpredictable, and more capable of trickery (one player, it is rumored, even had X-ray eyes). They were able to cut through their opponents' security...er, defense, and the Hart squad could not keep track of everything that happened before their eyes. It is Timbuk 3 that leaves with promising prospects.
THE YOUNG LADIES OF THE 80S BOWL
"Valley Girl," Frank and Moon Zappa, 1982
vs. "Material Girl," Madonna, 1985
Two hits about females who value their image. Avant-garde rock legend Frank Zappa and his 14-year-old daughter hit #32 with a song about the slang and values of teenage girls in California's San Fernando Valley. Meanwhile, Ms, Ciccone got to #2 with her declaration that only men of means could win her favors.
Final Score: Valley 44, Material 6. The big question about the team from California was whether they were willing to get their well-manicured nails dirty enough to compete at this level. After the first game, at least, the answer is "Fer sure, Fer sure!" The Material squad just didn't seem very motivated, and some speculated that this was caused by a pay dispute with management. Well they're out, and the Vals will play in the next round...after they see their orthodontist and have their braces removed.
THE LEG COVERINGS BOWL
"Baby Makes Her Blue Jeans Talk," Dr. Hook, 1982
vs. "Fishnet," Morris Day, 1988
Two songs that refer to garments worn on women's lower extremities. Dr. Hook got to #25 with a song about a lady who group communicates volumes with just her denim-clad backside. Then, former Time singer Day climbed to #23 with a tribute to mesh stockings that remind one of a device used to catch seafood.
Final Score: Jeans 7, Fishnet 6. Their wasn't a lot of action in this game, to the point where the spectators left the game talking more about the teams' unusual uniforms than the game itself. Ultimately, the Dr.'s team won by scoring the only touchdown on a late handoff to an attractive running back whose trouser-clad bottom seemed to say to the Day defenders "Follow me in to the end zone." Which they dutifully did.
THE BEATS AND BORROWED HOOKS BOWL
"Pump Up the Volume," M/A/R/R/S, 1988
vs. "I Beg Your Pardon," Kon Kan, 1989
Two songs that helped mainstream sample-heavy electronic dance music. First, a British group hit #13 with a house track featuring samples from James Brown, Eric B, and Rakim, and many more. Then, a Toronto duo made it to #15 with a song that samples GQ, Silver Convention, and Lynn Anderson's country classic "Rose Garden".
Final Score: Volume 24, Pardon 17. This game had a lot of interesting plays that built on old ideas but used new formations to make them different and innovative. But the men from M/A/R/R/S came out on top by being a little more ahead of their time, and a lot less polite. But the losing team still left the field smiling and jolly.
THE IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT, AND THEY FEEL SOMEWHAT LESS THAN FINE BOWL
"1999," Prince, 1983
vs. "The Final Countdown," Europe, 1987
Two songs about civilization-ending cataclysms. Prince got to #12 with a song that predicted that the skies would turn purple and everyone would have a bomb on the last day of the second millennium. Later, a Swedish group climbed to #8 with a song about humanity fleeing a dying Earth to relocating on Venus.
Final Score: 1999 28, Countdown 17. Both teams came out with huge opening plays that sent chills throughout the crowd. But Prince's players just had more firepower, plus early in the second half, they changed the game when a lion somehow emerged from one of the players' pockets. The gang from Europe were so disturbed by the loss that they didn't just leave town, they left the planet entirely.
THE MILD AND CRAZY BOWL
"Wild Wild Life," Talking Heads, 1986
vs. "Hip to be Square," Huey Lewis and the News, 1986
Two songs that celebrate opposing approaches to life. First, the New York New Wavers went to #25 with a song celebrating such crazy activities as wearing fur pyjamas and sleeping on highways. Then, Huey and company hit #3 with a song that says that exercising restraint and discipline is now the height of cool.
Final Score: Square 33, Life 9. This game wasn't even as close as the score would indicate, as the Hipsters' dedication to practice, conditioning, and healthy eating allowed them to run rings around a team who were more interested in wrestling amongst themselves and sitting on their pin-and-needle covered bench. But Huey's team were so dedicated to their conservative strategy that they didn't want to show off by scoring touchdowns, instead getting all their points on eleven field goals. They even gave away two points by unnecessarily conceding a safety. But the strategy worked for this game, and if they continue winning with this approach, it may catch on with other teams.
THE DIFFERING VISIONS OF THE FUTURE BOWL
"I.G.Y. (What a Beautiful World)," Donald Fagen, 1982
vs. "Silent Running," Mike and the Mechanics, 1986
Two hits that paint different pictures of the years to come. Ex-Steely Dan man Fagen went to #26 by picturing a bright, clean future of high-speed underwater trains and spandex jackets. Later, a group led by Genesis' Mike Rutherford hit #6 with a song about an astronaut sending a message to his family back on a war-torn Earth.
Final Score: Running 34, World 14. The Beautiful boys came out with high-flying optimism and visionary ideas, but they were brought down to earth by the Silent squad's relentless, punishing ground attack. Fagen's peaceniks could not hold back a group of Mechanics prepared for war. But they still looked cool in those spandex jackets.
THE LIKE A SEX MACHINE BOWL
"Automatic Man," Michael Sembello, 1983
vs. "Automatic," The Pointer Sisters, 1984
Two songs about the passionate possibilities of robots. Philadelphian Sembello hit #34 with a song about having a mechanical assistant that gets too good at helping its master seduce a woman. Later, an Oakland trio hit #5 with a tune about being erotically manipulated by some sort of machine.
Final Score: Sembello 19, Pointer 10. Although this isn't Sembello's best-known team, he got them to play like mechanical maniacs, and they managed to short-circuit the Pointer defense. But are the Automatic Men built to last, or will their time at this dance be over in a flash?
THE DROWNING IN A DARK SCOTTISH LAKE BOWL
"In the Air Tonight," Phil Collins, 1981
vs."Synchronicity II," The Police, 1983
Two dark, odd-sounding songs that refer to water. The Genesis singer hit #19 with a song about the resentment cause by divorce that uses metaphors that have caused it to be misinterpreted as a story of someone who allowed a drowning person to die. Later, the popular British trio got to #16 with a song about a frustrated man whose growing torment is compared to the awakening of the Loch Ness Monster.
Final Score: Air 38, Synchronicity 24. Both teams played with a lot of anger, and they were even going into the fourth quarter. But then on a punt return, a percussive volley of hard hits that sounded like nothing anyone had ever heard before jarred the ball loose from a Police man, and the Collins defense returned the fumble for a touchdown that gave them the lead for good. The Synchronicity team never heard it coming, and it had the same effect as a humiliating kick in the crotch.
THE PRINT VS. BROADCAST BOWL
"Every Day I Write the Book," Elvis Costello, 1983
vs. "Radio Ga Ga," Queen, 1984
Two hits that refer to aging-but-still popular forms of media, First, Londoner Costello reached #36 with a tune that compares carrying on a romance to writing a novel. A year later, the legendary British group made it to #16 by celebrating the wireless sound transmitter pioneered by Gugliermo Marconi.
Final Score: Radio 55, Book 7. This was no contest, mainly because of the teams' differing methods of signaling plays in from the sidelines. The Queen coach delivered his calls by wireless headset into receivers in the players' helmets, while Costello opted to write them out on signs for his team (and their opponents) to read. The Ga Ga's have yet to have their finest hour, while the Writers need to go back and edit their strategy before they can take the field again.
THE ANXIETY BOWL
"Pressure," Billy Joel, 1982
vs. "Paranoimia," The Art of Noise with Max Headroom, 1986
Two songs about feeling stressed. Billy hit #20 with a frantic rocker about trying to deal with the weight of the world. Then, a British electronic group teamed up with a stuttering, supposedly computer-generated humanoid character to hit #34 with a song about being frightened and unable to sleep.
Final Score: Paranoimia 48, Pressure 10. With their wide-awake, stuttery approach to the game, the Noise boys applied so much force to Billy's team that no amount of faith or Peter Pan advice could help them deal with it. Will fear and insomnia take their toll on the Art team, or will they be able to max out their potential?
It's Britain again next time. See you then.
THE MOVES OF THE STREETS BOWL
"Double Dutch Bus," Frankie Smith, 1981
vs. "Breakdance," Irene Cara, 1984
Two songs about forms of recreation popular in urban America. Philadelphian Smith went to #30 with his funky ode to public transportation and skipping with two ropes. Later, Bronx singer Cara made it to #8 with a song about a new dance craze that involved popping, locking, and spinning on your heads.
Final Score: Bus 45, Breakdance 7. Cara's crew had some impressive moves, but the Dutchmen had fancier footwork, and their penchant for calling their plays in a deceptive slang had the Brizzeak Dizzancizzers bizzewizzildizzered. The Bus rolls on.
THE ZEROES AND ONES BOWL
"Pac-Man Fever," Buckner and Garcia, 1982
vs. "Digital Display," Ready for the World, 1986
Two hits about technology and numbers. First, a duo from Akron, Ohio made it to #9 with a tribute to the arcade video game where you increase your score by having a computer-generated yellow circle eat dots. Then, an R&B group from Flint, Michigan hit #21 with a song that pictures a women's measurements appearing in LED numerals somewhere on her body.
Final Score: Fever 52, Display 10. The Pac-men gobbled up yardage by using their ability to slickly fake out the defense. Though well-built, the Ready for the World team wasn't ready to prevent their opponents from running up a big score.
THE NOT QUITE HUMAN BOWL
"Clones (We're All)," Alice Cooper, 1980
vs. "Mr. Roboto," Styx, 1983
Two songs about people who aren't really people. Detroit shock rock legend Cooper hit #40 with a song about multiple genetic copies and their longing for individuality. Meanwhile, the Bob Seger of Chicago made it to #3 with a tune about an android Iin a dystopian future.
Final Score: Roboto 37, Clones 31 (OT) This was one of the most anticipated first round clashes, and it did not disappoint. Electronic innovation and genetic engineering battles to a stalemate after regulation time, but the Roboto squad was able to pull out the overtime victory by deploying a trick play involving an unheralded running back named Kilroy.
THE REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE BOWL
"Answering Machine," Rupert Holmes, 1980
vs. "Obscene Phone Caller," Rockwell, 1984
Two songs about Alexander Graham Bell's claim to fame. Holmes, writer of OMUSURT champion "Timothy," went to #32 with a song about getting frustrated by the precursor to voicemail. Later, Kennedy Gordy reached #35 with a number about people who play telephone pranks involving sexually suggestive heavy breathing.
Final Score: Caller 24, Machine 0. The Rockwell team came in with a lot of enmity toward people who breathe heavily, and when they heard their opponents panting with exertion, they took out their aggression.
THE EXPERIMENTATION BOWL
"Shock the Monkey," Peter Gabriel, 1982
vs. "She Blinded Me with Science," Thomas Dolby, 1983
Two songs that reference things that happen in laboratories. The former Genesis frontman hit #29 with a song that compares jealousy to simian electrocution. Meanwhile, another Englishman hit #5 comparing love to machinery and chemical reactions.
Final Score: Science 30, Monkey 3. The Shockers tried some electrifying tactics, but they never seemed to see what was coming from the Dolby side, who, at their best, played like poetry in motion. They move on to the next round, although for some reason, one of their fans is still in the stadium, shouting "Science!" at random intervals.
THE DISGUISE YOUR EYES BOWL
"Sunglasses at Night," Corey Hart, 1984
vs. "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades," Timbuk 3, 1986
Two songs about protective eyewear. First, a young man from Montreal made it to #7 with a song about how he wore dark glasses even at the time of day where there is less light. Then, a duo from Wisconsin hit #19 with a tune about a nuclear science student who looks forward to making enough money to buy a lot of beer.
Final Score: Shades 31, Sunglasses 13. Both teams wore dark visors on their helmets, but behind them, the Futurists were smarter, more unpredictable, and more capable of trickery (one player, it is rumored, even had X-ray eyes). They were able to cut through their opponents' security...er, defense, and the Hart squad could not keep track of everything that happened before their eyes. It is Timbuk 3 that leaves with promising prospects.
THE YOUNG LADIES OF THE 80S BOWL
"Valley Girl," Frank and Moon Zappa, 1982
vs. "Material Girl," Madonna, 1985
Two hits about females who value their image. Avant-garde rock legend Frank Zappa and his 14-year-old daughter hit #32 with a song about the slang and values of teenage girls in California's San Fernando Valley. Meanwhile, Ms, Ciccone got to #2 with her declaration that only men of means could win her favors.
Final Score: Valley 44, Material 6. The big question about the team from California was whether they were willing to get their well-manicured nails dirty enough to compete at this level. After the first game, at least, the answer is "Fer sure, Fer sure!" The Material squad just didn't seem very motivated, and some speculated that this was caused by a pay dispute with management. Well they're out, and the Vals will play in the next round...after they see their orthodontist and have their braces removed.
THE LEG COVERINGS BOWL
"Baby Makes Her Blue Jeans Talk," Dr. Hook, 1982
vs. "Fishnet," Morris Day, 1988
Two songs that refer to garments worn on women's lower extremities. Dr. Hook got to #25 with a song about a lady who group communicates volumes with just her denim-clad backside. Then, former Time singer Day climbed to #23 with a tribute to mesh stockings that remind one of a device used to catch seafood.
Final Score: Jeans 7, Fishnet 6. Their wasn't a lot of action in this game, to the point where the spectators left the game talking more about the teams' unusual uniforms than the game itself. Ultimately, the Dr.'s team won by scoring the only touchdown on a late handoff to an attractive running back whose trouser-clad bottom seemed to say to the Day defenders "Follow me in to the end zone." Which they dutifully did.
THE BEATS AND BORROWED HOOKS BOWL
"Pump Up the Volume," M/A/R/R/S, 1988
vs. "I Beg Your Pardon," Kon Kan, 1989
Two songs that helped mainstream sample-heavy electronic dance music. First, a British group hit #13 with a house track featuring samples from James Brown, Eric B, and Rakim, and many more. Then, a Toronto duo made it to #15 with a song that samples GQ, Silver Convention, and Lynn Anderson's country classic "Rose Garden".
Final Score: Volume 24, Pardon 17. This game had a lot of interesting plays that built on old ideas but used new formations to make them different and innovative. But the men from M/A/R/R/S came out on top by being a little more ahead of their time, and a lot less polite. But the losing team still left the field smiling and jolly.
THE IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT, AND THEY FEEL SOMEWHAT LESS THAN FINE BOWL
"1999," Prince, 1983
vs. "The Final Countdown," Europe, 1987
Two songs about civilization-ending cataclysms. Prince got to #12 with a song that predicted that the skies would turn purple and everyone would have a bomb on the last day of the second millennium. Later, a Swedish group climbed to #8 with a song about humanity fleeing a dying Earth to relocating on Venus.
Final Score: 1999 28, Countdown 17. Both teams came out with huge opening plays that sent chills throughout the crowd. But Prince's players just had more firepower, plus early in the second half, they changed the game when a lion somehow emerged from one of the players' pockets. The gang from Europe were so disturbed by the loss that they didn't just leave town, they left the planet entirely.
THE MILD AND CRAZY BOWL
"Wild Wild Life," Talking Heads, 1986
vs. "Hip to be Square," Huey Lewis and the News, 1986
Two songs that celebrate opposing approaches to life. First, the New York New Wavers went to #25 with a song celebrating such crazy activities as wearing fur pyjamas and sleeping on highways. Then, Huey and company hit #3 with a song that says that exercising restraint and discipline is now the height of cool.
Final Score: Square 33, Life 9. This game wasn't even as close as the score would indicate, as the Hipsters' dedication to practice, conditioning, and healthy eating allowed them to run rings around a team who were more interested in wrestling amongst themselves and sitting on their pin-and-needle covered bench. But Huey's team were so dedicated to their conservative strategy that they didn't want to show off by scoring touchdowns, instead getting all their points on eleven field goals. They even gave away two points by unnecessarily conceding a safety. But the strategy worked for this game, and if they continue winning with this approach, it may catch on with other teams.
THE DIFFERING VISIONS OF THE FUTURE BOWL
"I.G.Y. (What a Beautiful World)," Donald Fagen, 1982
vs. "Silent Running," Mike and the Mechanics, 1986
Two hits that paint different pictures of the years to come. Ex-Steely Dan man Fagen went to #26 by picturing a bright, clean future of high-speed underwater trains and spandex jackets. Later, a group led by Genesis' Mike Rutherford hit #6 with a song about an astronaut sending a message to his family back on a war-torn Earth.
Final Score: Running 34, World 14. The Beautiful boys came out with high-flying optimism and visionary ideas, but they were brought down to earth by the Silent squad's relentless, punishing ground attack. Fagen's peaceniks could not hold back a group of Mechanics prepared for war. But they still looked cool in those spandex jackets.
THE LIKE A SEX MACHINE BOWL
"Automatic Man," Michael Sembello, 1983
vs. "Automatic," The Pointer Sisters, 1984
Two songs about the passionate possibilities of robots. Philadelphian Sembello hit #34 with a song about having a mechanical assistant that gets too good at helping its master seduce a woman. Later, an Oakland trio hit #5 with a tune about being erotically manipulated by some sort of machine.
Final Score: Sembello 19, Pointer 10. Although this isn't Sembello's best-known team, he got them to play like mechanical maniacs, and they managed to short-circuit the Pointer defense. But are the Automatic Men built to last, or will their time at this dance be over in a flash?
THE DROWNING IN A DARK SCOTTISH LAKE BOWL
"In the Air Tonight," Phil Collins, 1981
vs."Synchronicity II," The Police, 1983
Two dark, odd-sounding songs that refer to water. The Genesis singer hit #19 with a song about the resentment cause by divorce that uses metaphors that have caused it to be misinterpreted as a story of someone who allowed a drowning person to die. Later, the popular British trio got to #16 with a song about a frustrated man whose growing torment is compared to the awakening of the Loch Ness Monster.
Final Score: Air 38, Synchronicity 24. Both teams played with a lot of anger, and they were even going into the fourth quarter. But then on a punt return, a percussive volley of hard hits that sounded like nothing anyone had ever heard before jarred the ball loose from a Police man, and the Collins defense returned the fumble for a touchdown that gave them the lead for good. The Synchronicity team never heard it coming, and it had the same effect as a humiliating kick in the crotch.
THE PRINT VS. BROADCAST BOWL
"Every Day I Write the Book," Elvis Costello, 1983
vs. "Radio Ga Ga," Queen, 1984
Two hits that refer to aging-but-still popular forms of media, First, Londoner Costello reached #36 with a tune that compares carrying on a romance to writing a novel. A year later, the legendary British group made it to #16 by celebrating the wireless sound transmitter pioneered by Gugliermo Marconi.
Final Score: Radio 55, Book 7. This was no contest, mainly because of the teams' differing methods of signaling plays in from the sidelines. The Queen coach delivered his calls by wireless headset into receivers in the players' helmets, while Costello opted to write them out on signs for his team (and their opponents) to read. The Ga Ga's have yet to have their finest hour, while the Writers need to go back and edit their strategy before they can take the field again.
THE ANXIETY BOWL
"Pressure," Billy Joel, 1982
vs. "Paranoimia," The Art of Noise with Max Headroom, 1986
Two songs about feeling stressed. Billy hit #20 with a frantic rocker about trying to deal with the weight of the world. Then, a British electronic group teamed up with a stuttering, supposedly computer-generated humanoid character to hit #34 with a song about being frightened and unable to sleep.
Final Score: Paranoimia 48, Pressure 10. With their wide-awake, stuttery approach to the game, the Noise boys applied so much force to Billy's team that no amount of faith or Peter Pan advice could help them deal with it. Will fear and insomnia take their toll on the Art team, or will they be able to max out their potential?
It's Britain again next time. See you then.
Friday, November 8, 2019
...And As Years Go By: CT50 October 31, 1979
Halloween 1987. On this day, the Reform Party of Canada was formed. Some would say that was not a coincidence. I will decline comment. Meanwhile, these were the tricks and treats the pop chart had to offer.
Bonus Track #1: 66 - "Dream Girl," FM (CanCon!)
This Toronto band was known for their science-fiction lyrics, and the fact that their frontman, Jeff "Nash the Slash" Plewman, performed while wearing a top hat and tails, with his face wrapped in bandages and sunglasses perched upon his nose. While mainly dealing in prog rock, they had a pop side which produced two mid-80s Top 50 hits, the second being this rock love song whose only offbeat element is a subtle reference to past lives. Nice enough radio fodder, but not typical of the stuff that made their legend.
Bonus Track #2: 58 - "You Make Me Love You," Roger Hodgson
Hodgson was a founding member of Supertramp, and the voice of most of their iconic 70s hits. After leaving the band in 1983, he released a solo album which sold well and garnered decent airplay. But just before the release of his second LP, he suffered two broken wrists in a household fall, which sidelined him from promoting the record and almost certainly contributed to the disappointing performance of this single. Although I would say that this isn't very good: just bland soft rock delivered sleepily. For a better solo single, track down 1984's "Had a Dream (Sleeping with the Enemy."
Bonus Track #3: 57 - "Oh Yeah," Yello
The Swiss duo of Dieter Meier and Boris Blank were electronic music pioneers in the 80s, but they achieved their greatest success when this 1985 track was remixed and re-released after its attention-grabbing use in the films Ferris Bueller's Day Off and The Secret of My Success. Indelible for its distorted growls about the beauty of the moon and sun, as well as those "chick, chicka-chickAAAHH"s, it wasn't a major chart hit in most countries, but media licensing of the track has paid handsomely, and Meier has reported turned his share into a fortune of over $100 million through savvy investments. Ohhhhhhhh...goody.
45 - "Ordinary People," The Box (CanCon!)
Coming late to the Cold War anxiety party famously attended by Elton John ("Nikita") and Sting ("Russians"), the Montreal band picked up a Top Twenty with this pop-rock tune about how beyond the political bluster, people on both sides of the Iron Curtain just want to go about their lives and be happy. Snippets of both superpowers' anthems are played, and singer Jean-Marc Pisapia even wonders if there's a "Russian Sting" (and a "Soviet Rambo"). Not the most profound political commentary, but a fine pop song.
43 - "Rain," Michael Breen (CanCon!)
Quebec native Michel Pepin anglicized his name to appeal to the English-language market, and he managed one hit with this bit of indistinct CanPop. Nothing to remember.
41 - "Notorious," Loverboy (CanCon!)
One might think that the Vancouver boys would fit right into the late-80s hair-metal scene, but this would be their last hit, and it failed to reach the Top Twenty on either side of the border. This despite the return of lomgtime producer Bruce Fairbairn, who was now red-hot after multiplatinum success with Bon Jovi and being entrusted to give Aerosmith their comeback. I wonder if it was because they weren't sure what side they wanted to approach from. Their are synths here, indicating a desire to attract the girls who liked Jon Bon, but there's also a harmonica solo, which signaled a bid for some Toxic Twins-style grit. Perhaps in the end, trying to please both pleased neither. Outside of that context, it's boilerplate, dumb-lust Loverboy, which to me isn't good or bad, it just is.
37 - "Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now," Samantha Fox
The Page 3 queen's third U.K. Top Ten flopped in America but went Top 30 here. It's a S/A/W production, just as Rick Astley was heating up and Kylie Minogue was waiting to be unleashed. This isn't much, but Kylie would have added a lot. When they talked about the healthy set of "lungs" on Sam, however, they weren't referring to her voice.
26 - "Stay With Me," Tu (CanCon!)
Toronto twins Amanda and Cassandra DiBlasi first tried their hand at country, landing an appearance on the CBC's Tommy Hunter Show in 1985. They turned to dance-pop and managed a Top Ten with this single, then disappeared. It's catchy enough to sound good on the radio for about a month before provoking dial-turning. Hey, even accomplishing that just one time is something many aspire to but few achieve, so fair play to them.
21 - "Last of the Red Hot Fools," The Jitters (CanCon!)
It's appropriate that one of this Toronto band's big breaks was opening for Huey Lewis and the News, because they have the same rock/soul vibe. Overall, I'd say they were on that same level, but inferior to the better version of both bands, Doug and The Slugs. But this is good for what it is. And for the record, I though they did okay when they tried to go dark and alternative three years later, but I'm not surprised at the failure of that gambit.
19 - "Contact," Platinum Blonde (CanCon!)
The Toronto synth poppers were just two years removed from scoring the rare feat of having a domestic #1 that didn't even chart in America with "Crying Over You" when they released this title track to their third album. It's lust-minded pop-rock, but it doesn't have the new-wave edge of their previous material. But it's better than I remembered.
18 - "Try," Blue Rodeo (CanCon!)
The hit that immediately made the Toronto country-rockers one of the nation's best-loved and most-respected bands. Jim Cuddy bleeds his unrequited love directly into your ears, and that weeping guitar and mournful organ could rend the sturdiest heart. In a just world, this is known and loved by everyone everywhere. Needless to say, it's a Certified Can-Con Classic.
17 - "Dance Desire," Haywire (CanCon!)
The only Top Ten for the pride of P.E.I. was this bit of catchy hard rock. Just okay, but the best they ever did. Arguably, they were doing Loverboy better than the actual Loverboy was at the time.
15 - "Together (The New Wedding Song)," Joey Gregorash (CanCon!)
This Winnipeg singer-songwriter was fifteen years removed from his run of four Top Twenty hits when the flip side of a 1984 charity single for a local children's hospital, a song he had created for a friend's wedding, was discovered by a DJ and became a national Top Ten. It's what you might expect: earnest, sappy, and smelling of banquet halls and drunken uncles. Someone must think this sort of thing is romantic, but it sure isn't me.
10 - "When Smokey Sings," ABC
The Sheffield sophisticates went Top Five in North America with their slick tribute to Mr. Robinson, but it only got to #25 at home. I'm with them, This is too polished for me, and I like Martin Fry better when he's bitter and sarcastic.
9 - "Lost in Emotion," Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
Unlike "Head to Toe," which we made a cross-border #1, we didn't cooperate on this one, holding it to #7. Another result I agree with. This is a weaker song, buoyed by production.
8 - "Bad," Michael Jackson
Surprisingly, this only went to #1 in the States, held to the Top Five in the other Crown countries. In fact, only "Billie Jean" and "Black or White" got Triple Crowns. That seems light. I would have guessed five at the least.
7 - "Causing a Commotion," Madonna
Speaking of Triple Crowns, Madge has four. But this isn't one. It was #2 in the States, #4 in the Kingdom, and this high here. A 2-4-7. Call it an All Day. One of her average singles.
6 - "La Bamba," Los Lobos
The Wolves of L.A. got the Triple Crown with their cover of a Mexican folk song via Richie Valens. Still exuberance and joy. And I still hope to someday be a capitan instead of a mere marinero.
5 - "Only in My Dreams," Debbie Gibson
The Brooklyn teen's peppy debut got to 4, 6, and 11 in America, Canada and Britain respectively. Those sound like the times for weekday local TV news. Call it an Irv Weinstein, after the Buffalo anchorlord of my youth.
4 - "I Heard a Rumour," Bananarama
The trio got highest here with this one, making it to #2. That's a fact. But it's not much more than middling S/A/W material.
3 - "Paper in Fire," John Mellencamp
Only we made the former Cougar's incendiary critique of empty lifestyles a #1. I can sign off on that. Possibly his best.
2 - "Here I Go Again," Whitesnake
Their revamp of their 1982 single captured the North American legs of the Triple Crown. Speaking of legs, I wonder what Tawny Kitaen is up to these days.
1 - "Mony Mony," Billy Idol
Officially, the live version of his Tommy James cover was the single that was the cross-border #1. But I remember most stations playing the studio version, Apparently, he recently did a new version where he does the infamous obscene chant. I don't think I want to hear it. Subversion always suffers when it's condoned.
Next time we're doing more tournament. Join me for that when it happens.
Bonus Track #1: 66 - "Dream Girl," FM (CanCon!)
This Toronto band was known for their science-fiction lyrics, and the fact that their frontman, Jeff "Nash the Slash" Plewman, performed while wearing a top hat and tails, with his face wrapped in bandages and sunglasses perched upon his nose. While mainly dealing in prog rock, they had a pop side which produced two mid-80s Top 50 hits, the second being this rock love song whose only offbeat element is a subtle reference to past lives. Nice enough radio fodder, but not typical of the stuff that made their legend.
Bonus Track #2: 58 - "You Make Me Love You," Roger Hodgson
Hodgson was a founding member of Supertramp, and the voice of most of their iconic 70s hits. After leaving the band in 1983, he released a solo album which sold well and garnered decent airplay. But just before the release of his second LP, he suffered two broken wrists in a household fall, which sidelined him from promoting the record and almost certainly contributed to the disappointing performance of this single. Although I would say that this isn't very good: just bland soft rock delivered sleepily. For a better solo single, track down 1984's "Had a Dream (Sleeping with the Enemy."
Bonus Track #3: 57 - "Oh Yeah," Yello
The Swiss duo of Dieter Meier and Boris Blank were electronic music pioneers in the 80s, but they achieved their greatest success when this 1985 track was remixed and re-released after its attention-grabbing use in the films Ferris Bueller's Day Off and The Secret of My Success. Indelible for its distorted growls about the beauty of the moon and sun, as well as those "chick, chicka-chickAAAHH"s, it wasn't a major chart hit in most countries, but media licensing of the track has paid handsomely, and Meier has reported turned his share into a fortune of over $100 million through savvy investments. Ohhhhhhhh...goody.
45 - "Ordinary People," The Box (CanCon!)
Coming late to the Cold War anxiety party famously attended by Elton John ("Nikita") and Sting ("Russians"), the Montreal band picked up a Top Twenty with this pop-rock tune about how beyond the political bluster, people on both sides of the Iron Curtain just want to go about their lives and be happy. Snippets of both superpowers' anthems are played, and singer Jean-Marc Pisapia even wonders if there's a "Russian Sting" (and a "Soviet Rambo"). Not the most profound political commentary, but a fine pop song.
43 - "Rain," Michael Breen (CanCon!)
Quebec native Michel Pepin anglicized his name to appeal to the English-language market, and he managed one hit with this bit of indistinct CanPop. Nothing to remember.
41 - "Notorious," Loverboy (CanCon!)
One might think that the Vancouver boys would fit right into the late-80s hair-metal scene, but this would be their last hit, and it failed to reach the Top Twenty on either side of the border. This despite the return of lomgtime producer Bruce Fairbairn, who was now red-hot after multiplatinum success with Bon Jovi and being entrusted to give Aerosmith their comeback. I wonder if it was because they weren't sure what side they wanted to approach from. Their are synths here, indicating a desire to attract the girls who liked Jon Bon, but there's also a harmonica solo, which signaled a bid for some Toxic Twins-style grit. Perhaps in the end, trying to please both pleased neither. Outside of that context, it's boilerplate, dumb-lust Loverboy, which to me isn't good or bad, it just is.
37 - "Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now," Samantha Fox
The Page 3 queen's third U.K. Top Ten flopped in America but went Top 30 here. It's a S/A/W production, just as Rick Astley was heating up and Kylie Minogue was waiting to be unleashed. This isn't much, but Kylie would have added a lot. When they talked about the healthy set of "lungs" on Sam, however, they weren't referring to her voice.
26 - "Stay With Me," Tu (CanCon!)
Toronto twins Amanda and Cassandra DiBlasi first tried their hand at country, landing an appearance on the CBC's Tommy Hunter Show in 1985. They turned to dance-pop and managed a Top Ten with this single, then disappeared. It's catchy enough to sound good on the radio for about a month before provoking dial-turning. Hey, even accomplishing that just one time is something many aspire to but few achieve, so fair play to them.
21 - "Last of the Red Hot Fools," The Jitters (CanCon!)
It's appropriate that one of this Toronto band's big breaks was opening for Huey Lewis and the News, because they have the same rock/soul vibe. Overall, I'd say they were on that same level, but inferior to the better version of both bands, Doug and The Slugs. But this is good for what it is. And for the record, I though they did okay when they tried to go dark and alternative three years later, but I'm not surprised at the failure of that gambit.
19 - "Contact," Platinum Blonde (CanCon!)
The Toronto synth poppers were just two years removed from scoring the rare feat of having a domestic #1 that didn't even chart in America with "Crying Over You" when they released this title track to their third album. It's lust-minded pop-rock, but it doesn't have the new-wave edge of their previous material. But it's better than I remembered.
18 - "Try," Blue Rodeo (CanCon!)
The hit that immediately made the Toronto country-rockers one of the nation's best-loved and most-respected bands. Jim Cuddy bleeds his unrequited love directly into your ears, and that weeping guitar and mournful organ could rend the sturdiest heart. In a just world, this is known and loved by everyone everywhere. Needless to say, it's a Certified Can-Con Classic.
17 - "Dance Desire," Haywire (CanCon!)
The only Top Ten for the pride of P.E.I. was this bit of catchy hard rock. Just okay, but the best they ever did. Arguably, they were doing Loverboy better than the actual Loverboy was at the time.
15 - "Together (The New Wedding Song)," Joey Gregorash (CanCon!)
This Winnipeg singer-songwriter was fifteen years removed from his run of four Top Twenty hits when the flip side of a 1984 charity single for a local children's hospital, a song he had created for a friend's wedding, was discovered by a DJ and became a national Top Ten. It's what you might expect: earnest, sappy, and smelling of banquet halls and drunken uncles. Someone must think this sort of thing is romantic, but it sure isn't me.
10 - "When Smokey Sings," ABC
The Sheffield sophisticates went Top Five in North America with their slick tribute to Mr. Robinson, but it only got to #25 at home. I'm with them, This is too polished for me, and I like Martin Fry better when he's bitter and sarcastic.
9 - "Lost in Emotion," Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
Unlike "Head to Toe," which we made a cross-border #1, we didn't cooperate on this one, holding it to #7. Another result I agree with. This is a weaker song, buoyed by production.
8 - "Bad," Michael Jackson
Surprisingly, this only went to #1 in the States, held to the Top Five in the other Crown countries. In fact, only "Billie Jean" and "Black or White" got Triple Crowns. That seems light. I would have guessed five at the least.
7 - "Causing a Commotion," Madonna
Speaking of Triple Crowns, Madge has four. But this isn't one. It was #2 in the States, #4 in the Kingdom, and this high here. A 2-4-7. Call it an All Day. One of her average singles.
6 - "La Bamba," Los Lobos
The Wolves of L.A. got the Triple Crown with their cover of a Mexican folk song via Richie Valens. Still exuberance and joy. And I still hope to someday be a capitan instead of a mere marinero.
5 - "Only in My Dreams," Debbie Gibson
The Brooklyn teen's peppy debut got to 4, 6, and 11 in America, Canada and Britain respectively. Those sound like the times for weekday local TV news. Call it an Irv Weinstein, after the Buffalo anchorlord of my youth.
4 - "I Heard a Rumour," Bananarama
The trio got highest here with this one, making it to #2. That's a fact. But it's not much more than middling S/A/W material.
3 - "Paper in Fire," John Mellencamp
Only we made the former Cougar's incendiary critique of empty lifestyles a #1. I can sign off on that. Possibly his best.
2 - "Here I Go Again," Whitesnake
Their revamp of their 1982 single captured the North American legs of the Triple Crown. Speaking of legs, I wonder what Tawny Kitaen is up to these days.
1 - "Mony Mony," Billy Idol
Officially, the live version of his Tommy James cover was the single that was the cross-border #1. But I remember most stations playing the studio version, Apparently, he recently did a new version where he does the infamous obscene chant. I don't think I want to hear it. Subversion always suffers when it's condoned.
Next time we're doing more tournament. Join me for that when it happens.
Saturday, November 2, 2019
AOMA: UKT40 October 24, 1981 Part Two
20 - "Pretend," Alvin Stardust
Bernie J. had a comeback hit with a Shakin' Stevens imitation. Shakin' Shaky, as Al Needham might say. And an apt title for it, too.
19 - "Labelled with Love," Squeeze
The band's last Top Five, a country song about an old woman whose story goes deeper than the squalid surface of her current life. Should be near the top of any list of best country songs by in-country artists.
18 - "Hold Me," B.A. Robertson and Maggie Bell
Another spin of these Scots' rock love duet. Still noting much to grab on to.
17 - "Endless Love," Diana Ross and Lionel Richie
Li and Di's evergreen soundtrack ballad met the same fate as "Physical," being denied the Triple Crown with a #7 from the Brits. I think this one is the greater injustice.
16 - "Let's Hang On," Barry Manilow
For some reason, Barry had three times as many hits here in this decade than he did in the 70s, including this route Four Seasons cover. Maybe it took them that long to get over him covering and Englishman's song, changing the name, and getting to #1 in America with it.
15 - "Shut Up," Madness
The Nutty Boys' seventh Top Ten was this song about denying responsibility for wrongdoing. You could post this on Trump's Twitter account and no one would know the difference. Wouldn't be as fun to experience, though.
14 - "Prince Charming," Adam and the Ants
The Ants' second and last #1. Still one of the great anthems to letting one's freak flag fly. Ridicule really is nothing to be scared of.
13 - "Hands Up (Give Me Your Heart)," Ottawan
The second of two Top Fives for the French disco outfit. Maybe because I'm writing this on Halloween, I'm imagining that this is actually about organ harvesting. At least they'll kiss you before doing it.
12 - "Just Can't Get Enough," Depeche Mode
Their first Top Ten, and the defining song of the Vince Clarke era. Simplistic brilliance. Possibly New Wave's stickiest earworm.
11 - "Walkin' in the Sunshine," Bad Manners
Buster Bloodvessel's boys had their third Top Ten with this head-bobber about drowning one's sorrows in red wine. The best thing I've heard from them so far.
10 - "It's Raining," Shakin' Steven's
The real Shaky, this time with a cover of a 1961 Irma Thomas track about loneliness and pathetic fallacy. He does pretty well with it. This makes me see how he became so big in this decade.
9 - "A Good Year for the Roses," Elvis Costello
Another spin for the George Jones cover that became EC's third Top Ten. It's a different vocal approach, but the tears flow just the same.
8 - "Under Your Thumb," Godley and Creme
Another look at the haunting synth song about the ghost of a female suicide that was the first and biggest hit for these former 10cc-ers and future video directors. One of the great story-songs-with-a-twist of all time.
7 - "Absolute Beginners," The Jam
The Mod legends indulge their affinity for horn-drenched soul on this tune about staying positive while the world crumbles around you. Weller at his happiest,
6 - "Open You Heart," The Human League
The second Top Ten for the Sheffield synth stars was this pretty pop song about avoiding the temptation to be constantly on guard. Strangely enough, they would make the case against that idea with their next single,"Don't You Want Me."
5 - "Happy Birthday," Altered Images
The first and biggest hit for these Glaswegians was this bouncy tune about being thrown a surprise party while your in the bath. I think that's it. A little twee for me. I'm more of an "I Could Be Happy" kinda guy.
4 - "Thunder in the Mountains," Toyah
Revisiting Ms. Wilcox's joint biggest hit. She's wailing about nasty weather over jittery synths. This is one I wish hadn't struck here twice.
3 - "Birdie Song," The Tweets
British producer Henry Hadaway's take on the chicken dance thing. I'm not going to waste time trying to contrast it with the Electronicas' version, because I've got something much more interesting to cover.
2 - "O Superman," Laurie Anderson
From the Chicago suburb of Glen Ellyn, Anderson is a performance artist, inventor of electronic musical instruments, composer, filmmaker, and widow of Lou Reed. And she also scored one of the most unlikely hit singles ever when Radio 1 DJ John Peel got this on the Stanton's playlist, creating a demand that essentially forced her to leave her tiny indie label to sign with Warner Bros. It's an eight-minute piece with no percussion track, just Anderson's voice through a vocoder and some synth sounds, with some saxophone at the very end. Influenced by opera, the Tao Te Ching, and a failed U.S. military mission, it's a depiction of someone being mysteriously warned of an impending attack by "American planes, made in America." It's about hope, doom, and longing to be in the bosom of Mother. It sounds like the furthest thing from a hit single, but it is certainly unforgettable, and something most listeners are going to feel passionate about one way or another. Uneasy Rider? This is beyond that. It's the most stunning intrusion of the avant-garde into the mainstream I'm aware of. This should have never became a hit, but thank God it did. This is the real madness on the chart this week.
1 - "It's My Party," Dave Stewart and Barbara Gaskin
The strange synthpop Lesley Gore cover by the non-Eurythmic and his vocal collaborator. Of course, it sounds extremely conventional compared to "O Superman," but still, it completes what has to be the oddest 1-2 pop chart punch anywhere ever.
To Canada next. See you up there.
Bernie J. had a comeback hit with a Shakin' Stevens imitation. Shakin' Shaky, as Al Needham might say. And an apt title for it, too.
19 - "Labelled with Love," Squeeze
The band's last Top Five, a country song about an old woman whose story goes deeper than the squalid surface of her current life. Should be near the top of any list of best country songs by in-country artists.
18 - "Hold Me," B.A. Robertson and Maggie Bell
Another spin of these Scots' rock love duet. Still noting much to grab on to.
17 - "Endless Love," Diana Ross and Lionel Richie
Li and Di's evergreen soundtrack ballad met the same fate as "Physical," being denied the Triple Crown with a #7 from the Brits. I think this one is the greater injustice.
16 - "Let's Hang On," Barry Manilow
For some reason, Barry had three times as many hits here in this decade than he did in the 70s, including this route Four Seasons cover. Maybe it took them that long to get over him covering and Englishman's song, changing the name, and getting to #1 in America with it.
15 - "Shut Up," Madness
The Nutty Boys' seventh Top Ten was this song about denying responsibility for wrongdoing. You could post this on Trump's Twitter account and no one would know the difference. Wouldn't be as fun to experience, though.
14 - "Prince Charming," Adam and the Ants
The Ants' second and last #1. Still one of the great anthems to letting one's freak flag fly. Ridicule really is nothing to be scared of.
13 - "Hands Up (Give Me Your Heart)," Ottawan
The second of two Top Fives for the French disco outfit. Maybe because I'm writing this on Halloween, I'm imagining that this is actually about organ harvesting. At least they'll kiss you before doing it.
12 - "Just Can't Get Enough," Depeche Mode
Their first Top Ten, and the defining song of the Vince Clarke era. Simplistic brilliance. Possibly New Wave's stickiest earworm.
11 - "Walkin' in the Sunshine," Bad Manners
Buster Bloodvessel's boys had their third Top Ten with this head-bobber about drowning one's sorrows in red wine. The best thing I've heard from them so far.
10 - "It's Raining," Shakin' Steven's
The real Shaky, this time with a cover of a 1961 Irma Thomas track about loneliness and pathetic fallacy. He does pretty well with it. This makes me see how he became so big in this decade.
9 - "A Good Year for the Roses," Elvis Costello
Another spin for the George Jones cover that became EC's third Top Ten. It's a different vocal approach, but the tears flow just the same.
8 - "Under Your Thumb," Godley and Creme
Another look at the haunting synth song about the ghost of a female suicide that was the first and biggest hit for these former 10cc-ers and future video directors. One of the great story-songs-with-a-twist of all time.
7 - "Absolute Beginners," The Jam
The Mod legends indulge their affinity for horn-drenched soul on this tune about staying positive while the world crumbles around you. Weller at his happiest,
6 - "Open You Heart," The Human League
The second Top Ten for the Sheffield synth stars was this pretty pop song about avoiding the temptation to be constantly on guard. Strangely enough, they would make the case against that idea with their next single,"Don't You Want Me."
5 - "Happy Birthday," Altered Images
The first and biggest hit for these Glaswegians was this bouncy tune about being thrown a surprise party while your in the bath. I think that's it. A little twee for me. I'm more of an "I Could Be Happy" kinda guy.
4 - "Thunder in the Mountains," Toyah
Revisiting Ms. Wilcox's joint biggest hit. She's wailing about nasty weather over jittery synths. This is one I wish hadn't struck here twice.
3 - "Birdie Song," The Tweets
British producer Henry Hadaway's take on the chicken dance thing. I'm not going to waste time trying to contrast it with the Electronicas' version, because I've got something much more interesting to cover.
2 - "O Superman," Laurie Anderson
From the Chicago suburb of Glen Ellyn, Anderson is a performance artist, inventor of electronic musical instruments, composer, filmmaker, and widow of Lou Reed. And she also scored one of the most unlikely hit singles ever when Radio 1 DJ John Peel got this on the Stanton's playlist, creating a demand that essentially forced her to leave her tiny indie label to sign with Warner Bros. It's an eight-minute piece with no percussion track, just Anderson's voice through a vocoder and some synth sounds, with some saxophone at the very end. Influenced by opera, the Tao Te Ching, and a failed U.S. military mission, it's a depiction of someone being mysteriously warned of an impending attack by "American planes, made in America." It's about hope, doom, and longing to be in the bosom of Mother. It sounds like the furthest thing from a hit single, but it is certainly unforgettable, and something most listeners are going to feel passionate about one way or another. Uneasy Rider? This is beyond that. It's the most stunning intrusion of the avant-garde into the mainstream I'm aware of. This should have never became a hit, but thank God it did. This is the real madness on the chart this week.
1 - "It's My Party," Dave Stewart and Barbara Gaskin
The strange synthpop Lesley Gore cover by the non-Eurythmic and his vocal collaborator. Of course, it sounds extremely conventional compared to "O Superman," but still, it completes what has to be the oddest 1-2 pop chart punch anywhere ever.
To Canada next. See you up there.
Wednesday, October 30, 2019
AOMA: UKT40 October 24, 1981 Part One
October 1981. This week, British Telecom announce that they would discontinue their telegram services within a year. They decided it was time to stop (stop). But the seven-inch vinyl single was still a viable form of communication, and here were the most purchased at this time.
40 - "Physical," Olivia Newton-John
ONJ goes unabashedly sexual on the dance-rocker that dominated the #1 spot in the States for 10 weeks, but missed the Triple Crown by only reaching #7 here. That must have left her unsatisfied, as she never reached #1 here without the help of John Travolta or ELO.
39 - "And Then She Kissed Me," Gary Glitter
The glam creep had his first hit of them decade with this gender-flipped cover of a 1963 Crystals hit. The track is pointless, the man is a justified pariah.
38 - "The Original Bird Dance," The Electronicas
The oom-pah-pah trifle that inspired the infamous Chicken Dance, here in it's original version by a Dutch group. It's annoying enough without the tweeting sound effects.
37 - "Nightmare," Gillan
The fifth hit for ex-Deep Purple vocalist Ian's eponymous band was this song about receiving unwanted female attention. Everything about it is just okay, including its 2.5 Headbangometer reading.
36 - "Maid of Orleans (The Waltz of Joan of Arc)," Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
The second of the Merseysiders' two Top Fives about the French Catholic martyr. A synthpop dirge that sounds like a blueprint for what New Order would soon do much better. This is just a dude sounding sad while noodling on a keyboard. If I were to imagine the music Ross from Friends made in high school, it would sound like this.
35 - "So This is Romance," Linx
The Britfunkers' fourth and final hit was this song about how his cousin's lady ran off to the islands and married a new guy. Kind of like off-brand, non-Ghostbusting Ray Parker Jr.
34 - "You'll Never Know," Hi-Gloss
This America group's only hit was slick funk on which a woman taunts a man about the love he missed out on with her. Sassy smoothness.
33 - "Slow Hand," The Pointer Sisters
The Pointers' triple Top Ten about relaxed lovemaking. It says pretty much the same thing Frankie Goes to Hollywood would a couple years later, only classier and with fewer references to orgasms and laser beams.
32 - "Dead Cities," The Exploited
This Scottish "streetpunk" band were best known to me for inspiring the "skeleton with a mohawk" image that I have seen emblazoned on leather and denim worn by various out-and-proud punks intermittently over the past 35 years or so. The one hit single they managed was this two-minute detonation of aggression and nihilism and loud, loud music. It's what people imagine punk to sound like, and it was probably the kind of thing the guy who wrote that infamous Quincy episode was listening to when inspiration struck.
31 - "Lock Up Your Daughters," Slade
The Wolverhamptonites second hit of this decade was this metal-inspired tune about teenage rebellion, particularly of the female variety. The track is good enough for a 3 on the Headbangometer, but Noddy doesn't sound as convincing a wild man as he once did. And maybe it's just me, but the primary riff of the song reminds me somewhat of the future smash "Money for Nothing." I don't think Dire Straits should be worried about lawsuits over that, but the way these issues seem to be evolving, who knows in what direction the line will move?
30 - "In and Out of Love," Imagination
Leee John's soul outfit had their second hit with this midtempo "can't live with or without her" jam. Slick radio pop with some nice vibraphone work. I forget how much I like the sound of a good vibraphone sometimes.
29 - "When She was My Girl," The Four Tops
The Motown legends' first hit in eight years was Top Five here, Top Ten in Canada, and #11 in the States. As always, Levi Stubbs makes you believe in what he's singing; in this case, how much he misses his ex and her big legs.
28 - "Tonight I'm Yours (Don't Hurt Me)," Rod Stewart
Rod in his "frenetic dance-rock" phase (see also "Young Turks"). Here he compares his sexual prowess to a hurricane, and says he wants to copulate non-stop for no less than a full day. And yet he's the one saying "Don't hurt me." It seems more likely that any injuries he may suffer would be self-inflicted.
27 - "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic," The Police
Their fourth #1 here was also their first brush with a Triple Crown, missing it by two U.S. chart places. Not surprisingly, Sting also boast about his stamina and resilience, although in this case, it's his ability to propose marriage numerous times per day and still absorb rejection well enough to continue. Tantric pestering, if you will.
26 - "When You Were Sweet Sixteen," The Fureys and Davie Arthur
These Dubliners of Irish Traveler heritage had their biggest hit with a cover of this sappy love song that was first a hit in 1900. That's not a typo. If you have a taste for tear-enhanced Guinness, this is for you.
25 - "Souvenir," Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
OMD again, this time with their first Top Five, this floaty number about steadfast obsession. I like this one better. It seems less contrived, and maybe I like Paul Humphreys as a singer better than Andy McCluskey. I don't know.
24 - "Mad Eyed Screamer," The Creatures
Siouxsie Sioux and her Banshees drummer had their first hit with this, the A of one of two 7-inch singles packaged together as the Wild Things EP. Frenetic goth-rock inspired by some of the interesting characters they encountered in London's Hyde Park. You can almost hear the apocalyptic ranting.
23 - "Invisible Sun," The Police
More from the Coppers, this time a brooding, slow-burning rocker about living under the spectre of war and holding on to hope. We were still in a time when "serious Sting" didn't elicit justifiable groans.
22 - "Tainted Love," Soft Cell
The duo's Gloria Jones cover was not just their first hit, it got two-thirds of the Triple Crown, and made it to #8 in the States. It's still chilly brilliance, but I am still of the opinion that it works best when it's blended into "Where Did Our Love Go."
21 - "Quiet Life," Japan
The Catford band's first hit was this re-release of a 1979 single, put out by their former label after their current album started selling well. It's new wave with a lot of disco elements, and it almost certainly was an influence on Duran Duran. And ironically for their breakthrough hit, it's about being stuck short of success. You really never know.
In Part Two: rudeness, celebration, and the possible Grand Champion of Uneasy Riders of the Universe.
40 - "Physical," Olivia Newton-John
ONJ goes unabashedly sexual on the dance-rocker that dominated the #1 spot in the States for 10 weeks, but missed the Triple Crown by only reaching #7 here. That must have left her unsatisfied, as she never reached #1 here without the help of John Travolta or ELO.
39 - "And Then She Kissed Me," Gary Glitter
The glam creep had his first hit of them decade with this gender-flipped cover of a 1963 Crystals hit. The track is pointless, the man is a justified pariah.
38 - "The Original Bird Dance," The Electronicas
The oom-pah-pah trifle that inspired the infamous Chicken Dance, here in it's original version by a Dutch group. It's annoying enough without the tweeting sound effects.
37 - "Nightmare," Gillan
The fifth hit for ex-Deep Purple vocalist Ian's eponymous band was this song about receiving unwanted female attention. Everything about it is just okay, including its 2.5 Headbangometer reading.
36 - "Maid of Orleans (The Waltz of Joan of Arc)," Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
The second of the Merseysiders' two Top Fives about the French Catholic martyr. A synthpop dirge that sounds like a blueprint for what New Order would soon do much better. This is just a dude sounding sad while noodling on a keyboard. If I were to imagine the music Ross from Friends made in high school, it would sound like this.
35 - "So This is Romance," Linx
The Britfunkers' fourth and final hit was this song about how his cousin's lady ran off to the islands and married a new guy. Kind of like off-brand, non-Ghostbusting Ray Parker Jr.
34 - "You'll Never Know," Hi-Gloss
This America group's only hit was slick funk on which a woman taunts a man about the love he missed out on with her. Sassy smoothness.
33 - "Slow Hand," The Pointer Sisters
The Pointers' triple Top Ten about relaxed lovemaking. It says pretty much the same thing Frankie Goes to Hollywood would a couple years later, only classier and with fewer references to orgasms and laser beams.
32 - "Dead Cities," The Exploited
This Scottish "streetpunk" band were best known to me for inspiring the "skeleton with a mohawk" image that I have seen emblazoned on leather and denim worn by various out-and-proud punks intermittently over the past 35 years or so. The one hit single they managed was this two-minute detonation of aggression and nihilism and loud, loud music. It's what people imagine punk to sound like, and it was probably the kind of thing the guy who wrote that infamous Quincy episode was listening to when inspiration struck.
31 - "Lock Up Your Daughters," Slade
The Wolverhamptonites second hit of this decade was this metal-inspired tune about teenage rebellion, particularly of the female variety. The track is good enough for a 3 on the Headbangometer, but Noddy doesn't sound as convincing a wild man as he once did. And maybe it's just me, but the primary riff of the song reminds me somewhat of the future smash "Money for Nothing." I don't think Dire Straits should be worried about lawsuits over that, but the way these issues seem to be evolving, who knows in what direction the line will move?
30 - "In and Out of Love," Imagination
Leee John's soul outfit had their second hit with this midtempo "can't live with or without her" jam. Slick radio pop with some nice vibraphone work. I forget how much I like the sound of a good vibraphone sometimes.
29 - "When She was My Girl," The Four Tops
The Motown legends' first hit in eight years was Top Five here, Top Ten in Canada, and #11 in the States. As always, Levi Stubbs makes you believe in what he's singing; in this case, how much he misses his ex and her big legs.
28 - "Tonight I'm Yours (Don't Hurt Me)," Rod Stewart
Rod in his "frenetic dance-rock" phase (see also "Young Turks"). Here he compares his sexual prowess to a hurricane, and says he wants to copulate non-stop for no less than a full day. And yet he's the one saying "Don't hurt me." It seems more likely that any injuries he may suffer would be self-inflicted.
27 - "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic," The Police
Their fourth #1 here was also their first brush with a Triple Crown, missing it by two U.S. chart places. Not surprisingly, Sting also boast about his stamina and resilience, although in this case, it's his ability to propose marriage numerous times per day and still absorb rejection well enough to continue. Tantric pestering, if you will.
26 - "When You Were Sweet Sixteen," The Fureys and Davie Arthur
These Dubliners of Irish Traveler heritage had their biggest hit with a cover of this sappy love song that was first a hit in 1900. That's not a typo. If you have a taste for tear-enhanced Guinness, this is for you.
25 - "Souvenir," Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
OMD again, this time with their first Top Five, this floaty number about steadfast obsession. I like this one better. It seems less contrived, and maybe I like Paul Humphreys as a singer better than Andy McCluskey. I don't know.
24 - "Mad Eyed Screamer," The Creatures
Siouxsie Sioux and her Banshees drummer had their first hit with this, the A of one of two 7-inch singles packaged together as the Wild Things EP. Frenetic goth-rock inspired by some of the interesting characters they encountered in London's Hyde Park. You can almost hear the apocalyptic ranting.
23 - "Invisible Sun," The Police
More from the Coppers, this time a brooding, slow-burning rocker about living under the spectre of war and holding on to hope. We were still in a time when "serious Sting" didn't elicit justifiable groans.
22 - "Tainted Love," Soft Cell
The duo's Gloria Jones cover was not just their first hit, it got two-thirds of the Triple Crown, and made it to #8 in the States. It's still chilly brilliance, but I am still of the opinion that it works best when it's blended into "Where Did Our Love Go."
21 - "Quiet Life," Japan
The Catford band's first hit was this re-release of a 1979 single, put out by their former label after their current album started selling well. It's new wave with a lot of disco elements, and it almost certainly was an influence on Duran Duran. And ironically for their breakthrough hit, it's about being stuck short of success. You really never know.
In Part Two: rudeness, celebration, and the possible Grand Champion of Uneasy Riders of the Universe.
Thursday, October 24, 2019
The OMUTURE: Round 1, Part 2
Welcome to the second first-round bracket of the tournament. A lot of social issues covered here, with a couple of wild card matchups. And for once I've done the sensible thing and made a YouTube playlist so you can follow along. Find it at https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQmj9ENsMx2JUiiEHKOecCTf
Here we go.
THE SMALL TOWN DRAMA BOWL
"Coward of the County," Kenny Rogers, 1980
vs. "Stranger in Town," Toto, 1984
Two songs that prove that scandalous happenings aren't limited to big cities. Country star Rogers reached #3 with the story of a man who rejects violence until three local n'er-do-wells sexually assault his wife. Then, a Los Angeles band hit #30 with the tale of an escaped convict who is hidden in a barn by a group of children who believe that he might be Jesus Christ.
Final Score: Coward 28, Stranger 21. Kenny's team didn't seem to want to be playing such a violent game for the first three quarters, which allowed the Strangers to dominate with their aggressive tactics that seemed to cross the line beyond fair play, even though their youngest fans didn't see it that way. But there came a point where Toto took their tactics too far, and the County boys unleashed their fury and came out on top. The Strangers were in a hurry to leave the field, and no one has seen them since.
THE UNPLANNED PREGNANCY BOWL
"Papa Don't Preach," Madonna, 1986
vs. "The Valley Road," Bruce Hornsby and the Range, 1988
Two songs about women who unexpectedly themselves in a family way. Ms. Ciccone had a #1 with a song about a teenage girl trying to convince her father that she and her boyfriend can adequately raise the child she's carrying. Meanwhile, Hornsby and company got to #5 with the tale of a rich girl who is forced to leave town for a while after a being inseminated by a poor boy.
Final Score: Papa 10, Valley 7. Both sides scored on their first possessions, but they then seemed to concentrate on defense for the rest of the game. In the end, Madonna's side nosed ahead and managed to hang on thanks to the support of their coaching staff, while Hornsby was hampered by a questionable decision to bench the quarterback and the receiver who hooked up for the touchdown for the last three quarters.
THE CHALK AND CHEESE BOWL
"To All the Girls I've Loved Before," Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson, 1984
vs. "'Til I Loved You," Barbra Streisand and Don Johnson, 1988
Two unlikely duets. First, a Spanish crooner and a Texan country star went to #5 by bonding over the fact that they've gotten a lot of feminine action over the years. Then, an accomplished singer teamed up with the then-love interest, the star of Miami Vice, made it to #25 by declaring that their lives lacked meaning before they met each other.
Final Score: Girls 45, You 3. While this isn't the kind of football Julio grew up playing, Willie knew enough about the game to allow his European teammate to showcase his skills and rack up points. Streisand and Johnson just never clicked. She seemed to carry the bulk of the offense, while he was just along for the ride. Also, he refused to play in anything other than his pastel suit and shoes without socks, and she spent more time worrying whether or not the cameras were capturing her from flattering angles than trying to win the game.
THE FANTASY AND REALITY OF MARRIED LIFE BOWL
"I've Never Been to Me," Charlene, 1982
vs. "Coming Around Again," Carly Simon, 1987
Two songs with differing views of matrimony. A Californian reached #2 with a five-year-old record about a woman whose led a globetrotting jet-set lifestyle but is jealous of those who opt for the traditional lives of wives and mothers. Five years later, singer-songwriter Simon hit #18 with a tune about how married life is more screaming babies and burnt dinners than hearts and flowers.
Final Score: Never 31, Coming 14. Charlene's team was made up of players with extensive experience around the world, while Carly's side had only played close to home. The variety and quantity of things the Never Beens new proved to be their advantage in this game, but for some reason, they told their beaten opponents that they were jealous that the Around side was now able to return to domestic life while they had to move on to a new adventure.
THE TEMPTATION BOWL
"Don't Stand So Close to Me," The Police, 1981
vs. "Family Man," Daryl Hall and John Oates, 1983
Two songs about men who are presented with inappropriate sexual opportunities. England's Police reached #10 with a song about a teacher who lusts after one of his underage students. Meanwhile, a Philadelphia duo got to #6 with a tale of a guy with a wife and kids trying to fend off the advances of a prostitute.
Final Score: Stand 14, Family 0. Both teams played with restraint for most of the game, almost as if they were deliberately trying not to score. But it was the Police who eventually gave themselves the green light to go where they wanted to go, while the Hall/Oates team didn't commit to trying to go all the way until it was too late. There have been questions about whether some of the Close players are old enough to be playing this game, but for now, they are moving on to the next round.
THE UNUSUAL ADDRESSES BOWL
"Electric Avenue," Eddy Grant, 1983
vs. "Alphabet St.," Prince, 1988
Two tracks about interesting fictional thoroughfares. Guyanese native Grant hit #2 with an invitation to go to a charged road, and then go higher. Later, Prince got to #8 by declaring his attention to go to a street named for the building blocks of written language to pick up a lady on his way to Tennessee.
Final Score: Electric 34, Alphabet 14. The gang from the Avenue worked hard like soldiers, and played with the heart of warriors, and it was too much for the loosey-goosey Street team. After the game, Coach Prince told Coach Grant that if he didn't mind, he would like to watch...the Electrics next game.
THE YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SO INTENSE BOWL
"Every Breath You Take," The Police, 1983
vs. "Relax," Frankie Goes to Hollywood, 1985
Two songs with different approaches to romance. Sting's band had a #1 by pledging to follow their beloved's every move. Two years later, another English group made it to #10 by advising lovers not to be so eager to get to the, er, climax of an intimate encounter.
Final Score: Relax 28, Breath 0. The Police team came in planning to employ their stifling man-to-man defense and let the game come to them. But the Frankies would not be rattled, and they made the Takers let down their guard before scheming their schemes and hitting their opponents with their laser-beam precise passing attack. The Breath team do plan to go to the next round, but they can only go as spectators. But some observers believe that they like it that way.
THE OLD AND THE LIDLESS BOWL
"Touch of Grey," The Grateful Dead, 1987
vs. "Pop Goes the World," Men Without Hats, 1988
A pair of songs with interesting views of the world. First, the jam-band institution got to #9 with a song about people wearing shoes on their hands and cows that produce combustible hydrocarbon liquid rather than milk. Then, a group from Montreal hit #20 by picturing the human race as a band led by a guitarist named Johnny and a bassist named Jenny.
Final Score: Touch 24. Pop 10. The Dead team rose to the occasion, confusing the Hatless ones to the point where they didn't know what planet they were on. The Greys will continue on, not paying their rent and leaving their dog unfed. The World side shook off their loss and ended up in some disco, dancing all night.
THE HARD TIMES IN THE HEARTLAND BOWL
"Allentown," Billy Joel, 1983
vs. "My Hometown," Bruce Springsteen, 1986
Two songs about communities facing economic hardship. Billy hit #17 with a depiction of a real Pennsylvania town that was devastated by the closure of its steel plants. Later, Bruce reached #6 with the tale of a man lamenting the economic and social decline of his unidentified municipality.
Final Score: Allentown 13, Hometown 3. Both teams came in seeming beaten-down and lacking motivation, but Joel's side were able to channel their anger and summon the fighting spirit passed on from their fathers to get the win. Neither team is returning from whence they came: Billy's boys are on to the next round, while the Springsteen side are reportedly considering heading south.
THE TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMICS BOWL
"Rain on the Scarecrow," John Cougar Mellencamp, 1986
vs. "Money's Too Tight (To Mention)," Simply Red, 1986
Two songs about the negative effects of the economic policies of Ronald Reagan. Indianan Mellencamp got to #21 with a song about the struggles of farmers just trying to make enough to avoid foreclosure. That same year, a British group hit #28 with a cover of a soul song about how Reaganomics wasn't so good for those at the bottom of the economic ladder.
Final Score: Scarecrow 48, Money 7. The Cougar team was full of farm boys with something to prove, and they easily defeated the Simple Englishmen, who didn't really understand the game or the playbook. They will have to find another way to buy their kids brand new shoes.
THE LIFE'S AN ESKIMO PIE, LET'S TAKE A BITE BOWL
"Ebony and Ivory," Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, 1982
vs. "People are People," Depeche Mode, 1985
Two songs that make the case for racial harmony. Two pop legends teamed up for a #1 that uses the example of the different-coloured keys on a piano to show how we could all live together. Then, a British synth band hit #13 with a song that just seems bemused by the idea of people being prejudiced against each other because of the colour of their skin.
Final Score: Ebony 34, People 6. The McCartney/Wonder team was filled with parts that perfectly complemented one another, creating a game plan that came together beautifully. The Mode squad, in contrast, got along awfully, to the point where some of them were punching and kicking and shouting at each other on the sideline. After the game, when asked what went wrong, the Depeche coach turned the tables on the reporters, asking them to help him understand.
THE REMEMBER THIS GUY BOWL
"A Fine Fine Day," Tony Carey, 1984
vs. "The First Day of Summer," Tony Carey, 1984
A battle between the only two Top 40 hits by a California native who once played keyboards for the band Rainbow. First, he went to #22 with the story about how his Uncle Sonny was involved in some shady business when he was a child. Then he hit #33 by singing about his own youthful misdeeds, perpetrated alongside his friend "The Kid."
Final Score: First 27, Fine 9. The boys of Summer had youth on their side, which gave them the advantage over their Fine opposition, whose star player, Sonny, seemed to disappear during halftime. But the remaining Carey crew have their issues, as their own best player, The Kid, stole the team bus containing all their gear after the game, and he hasn't been heard from since.
THE WHAT HATH BOB WROUGHT BOWL
"Do They Know It's Christmas," Band Aid, 1985
vs. "We are the World," USA for Africa, 1985
The two major all-star charity singles inspired by reports of the devastation caused by a famine in Ethiopia. Bob Geldof and Midge Ure struck first by gathering British stars such as George Michael, Sting, and Duran Duran for a holiday-themed number that topped charts almost everywhere. In America, however, it stalled at #13. Shortly afterward, the Yanks got in on the act, assembling talents ranging from Kenny Rogers and Cyndi Lauper to Bob Dylan and Ray Charles to perform a Michael Jackson/Lionel Richie ballad for the cause. They, of course, made it to #1 in their homeland.
Final Score: World 52, Christmas 42. The amount of talent on the field was impressive, and many of the stars had moments of individual brilliance. In the end, Team USA just had a few more of those moments, and it was a spectacular hookup between Bruce Springsteen and Stevie Wonder that clinched the victory. In the Band Aid locker room after the game, Bono attempted to rouse his defeated side by saying it was better that they were the ones going on to the next round, or as he put it: "Thank God it's them instead of you." But rather than being inspired by these words, his teammates were confused and offended.
THE STACKED DECK BOWL
"Sun City," Artists United Against Apartheid, 1986
vs. "The Way it Is," Bruce Hornsby and the Range, 1986
Two songs that unambiguously attack institutional racism. E. Street band guitarist Steven Van Zandt convinced his Boss and a wide variety of musicians from around the world to record a protest record against performers who play at a segregated resort in Apartheid South Africa. They hit #38. Later that year, Mr. Hornsby and his band went to #1 singing about how African-Americans continue to suffer social and economic oppression.
Final Score: City 45, Way 6. An overwhelming Artistic triumph, with the passion of the anti-apartheid campaigners proving too much for the subtle approach of the Hornsby team. Even worse, the losing side was heckled as they left the field by a man in a silk suit, who, just for fun, taunted them by yelling "Get a job!"
THE FAKE NEWS BOWL
"Dirty Laundry," Don Henley, 1983
vs. "Rumors," Timex Social Club, 1986
Two songs about unreliable sources of information. Henley went to #3 with a song about how television news was more about entertainment and exploitation than truly reflecting the important events of the day. Three years later, a California group got to #8 by decrying gossip and those who spread it.
Final Score: Laundry 41, Rumors 13. The Dirty squad lived up to their name by kicking their opponents when they were up and when they were down. The Timex team was unable to keep on ticking in the face of the vicious falsehoods Henley's players repeated to then in between plays. Some members of the defeated side decided they needed somebody to lean on, and they were reportedly looking into joining a new (or nouveau, if you speak French) club.
THE STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER BOWL
"America," Neil Diamond, 1981
vs. "Living in America," James Brown, 1986
Two songs that celebrate the United States. Neil reached #8 with a song from his movie The Jazz Singer about the U.S.A. being a beacon of hope and opportunity for immigrants from around the world. James, meanwhile, hit #4 with the number he led Apollo Creed to the ring with in Rocky IV; a funky ode to America's highways, railroads, radio stations, and all-night diners.
Final Score: Brown 27, Diamond 17. Neil's players were eager to play this game, having travelled from all over the world, by land and by sea, to participate. But perhaps that travel made them too weary, because they seemed drained late in the game, while James' gang, who had been at the game's location for many years, still had plenty of energy. And they weren't shy about expressing how good they felt at the end. Sadly, it seems Diamond's father was so disappointed by the loss that he reportedly disowned his son in melodramatic fashion.
Here we go.
THE SMALL TOWN DRAMA BOWL
"Coward of the County," Kenny Rogers, 1980
vs. "Stranger in Town," Toto, 1984
Two songs that prove that scandalous happenings aren't limited to big cities. Country star Rogers reached #3 with the story of a man who rejects violence until three local n'er-do-wells sexually assault his wife. Then, a Los Angeles band hit #30 with the tale of an escaped convict who is hidden in a barn by a group of children who believe that he might be Jesus Christ.
Final Score: Coward 28, Stranger 21. Kenny's team didn't seem to want to be playing such a violent game for the first three quarters, which allowed the Strangers to dominate with their aggressive tactics that seemed to cross the line beyond fair play, even though their youngest fans didn't see it that way. But there came a point where Toto took their tactics too far, and the County boys unleashed their fury and came out on top. The Strangers were in a hurry to leave the field, and no one has seen them since.
THE UNPLANNED PREGNANCY BOWL
"Papa Don't Preach," Madonna, 1986
vs. "The Valley Road," Bruce Hornsby and the Range, 1988
Two songs about women who unexpectedly themselves in a family way. Ms. Ciccone had a #1 with a song about a teenage girl trying to convince her father that she and her boyfriend can adequately raise the child she's carrying. Meanwhile, Hornsby and company got to #5 with the tale of a rich girl who is forced to leave town for a while after a being inseminated by a poor boy.
Final Score: Papa 10, Valley 7. Both sides scored on their first possessions, but they then seemed to concentrate on defense for the rest of the game. In the end, Madonna's side nosed ahead and managed to hang on thanks to the support of their coaching staff, while Hornsby was hampered by a questionable decision to bench the quarterback and the receiver who hooked up for the touchdown for the last three quarters.
THE CHALK AND CHEESE BOWL
"To All the Girls I've Loved Before," Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson, 1984
vs. "'Til I Loved You," Barbra Streisand and Don Johnson, 1988
Two unlikely duets. First, a Spanish crooner and a Texan country star went to #5 by bonding over the fact that they've gotten a lot of feminine action over the years. Then, an accomplished singer teamed up with the then-love interest, the star of Miami Vice, made it to #25 by declaring that their lives lacked meaning before they met each other.
Final Score: Girls 45, You 3. While this isn't the kind of football Julio grew up playing, Willie knew enough about the game to allow his European teammate to showcase his skills and rack up points. Streisand and Johnson just never clicked. She seemed to carry the bulk of the offense, while he was just along for the ride. Also, he refused to play in anything other than his pastel suit and shoes without socks, and she spent more time worrying whether or not the cameras were capturing her from flattering angles than trying to win the game.
THE FANTASY AND REALITY OF MARRIED LIFE BOWL
"I've Never Been to Me," Charlene, 1982
vs. "Coming Around Again," Carly Simon, 1987
Two songs with differing views of matrimony. A Californian reached #2 with a five-year-old record about a woman whose led a globetrotting jet-set lifestyle but is jealous of those who opt for the traditional lives of wives and mothers. Five years later, singer-songwriter Simon hit #18 with a tune about how married life is more screaming babies and burnt dinners than hearts and flowers.
Final Score: Never 31, Coming 14. Charlene's team was made up of players with extensive experience around the world, while Carly's side had only played close to home. The variety and quantity of things the Never Beens new proved to be their advantage in this game, but for some reason, they told their beaten opponents that they were jealous that the Around side was now able to return to domestic life while they had to move on to a new adventure.
THE TEMPTATION BOWL
"Don't Stand So Close to Me," The Police, 1981
vs. "Family Man," Daryl Hall and John Oates, 1983
Two songs about men who are presented with inappropriate sexual opportunities. England's Police reached #10 with a song about a teacher who lusts after one of his underage students. Meanwhile, a Philadelphia duo got to #6 with a tale of a guy with a wife and kids trying to fend off the advances of a prostitute.
Final Score: Stand 14, Family 0. Both teams played with restraint for most of the game, almost as if they were deliberately trying not to score. But it was the Police who eventually gave themselves the green light to go where they wanted to go, while the Hall/Oates team didn't commit to trying to go all the way until it was too late. There have been questions about whether some of the Close players are old enough to be playing this game, but for now, they are moving on to the next round.
THE UNUSUAL ADDRESSES BOWL
"Electric Avenue," Eddy Grant, 1983
vs. "Alphabet St.," Prince, 1988
Two tracks about interesting fictional thoroughfares. Guyanese native Grant hit #2 with an invitation to go to a charged road, and then go higher. Later, Prince got to #8 by declaring his attention to go to a street named for the building blocks of written language to pick up a lady on his way to Tennessee.
Final Score: Electric 34, Alphabet 14. The gang from the Avenue worked hard like soldiers, and played with the heart of warriors, and it was too much for the loosey-goosey Street team. After the game, Coach Prince told Coach Grant that if he didn't mind, he would like to watch...the Electrics next game.
THE YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SO INTENSE BOWL
"Every Breath You Take," The Police, 1983
vs. "Relax," Frankie Goes to Hollywood, 1985
Two songs with different approaches to romance. Sting's band had a #1 by pledging to follow their beloved's every move. Two years later, another English group made it to #10 by advising lovers not to be so eager to get to the, er, climax of an intimate encounter.
Final Score: Relax 28, Breath 0. The Police team came in planning to employ their stifling man-to-man defense and let the game come to them. But the Frankies would not be rattled, and they made the Takers let down their guard before scheming their schemes and hitting their opponents with their laser-beam precise passing attack. The Breath team do plan to go to the next round, but they can only go as spectators. But some observers believe that they like it that way.
THE OLD AND THE LIDLESS BOWL
"Touch of Grey," The Grateful Dead, 1987
vs. "Pop Goes the World," Men Without Hats, 1988
A pair of songs with interesting views of the world. First, the jam-band institution got to #9 with a song about people wearing shoes on their hands and cows that produce combustible hydrocarbon liquid rather than milk. Then, a group from Montreal hit #20 by picturing the human race as a band led by a guitarist named Johnny and a bassist named Jenny.
Final Score: Touch 24. Pop 10. The Dead team rose to the occasion, confusing the Hatless ones to the point where they didn't know what planet they were on. The Greys will continue on, not paying their rent and leaving their dog unfed. The World side shook off their loss and ended up in some disco, dancing all night.
THE HARD TIMES IN THE HEARTLAND BOWL
"Allentown," Billy Joel, 1983
vs. "My Hometown," Bruce Springsteen, 1986
Two songs about communities facing economic hardship. Billy hit #17 with a depiction of a real Pennsylvania town that was devastated by the closure of its steel plants. Later, Bruce reached #6 with the tale of a man lamenting the economic and social decline of his unidentified municipality.
Final Score: Allentown 13, Hometown 3. Both teams came in seeming beaten-down and lacking motivation, but Joel's side were able to channel their anger and summon the fighting spirit passed on from their fathers to get the win. Neither team is returning from whence they came: Billy's boys are on to the next round, while the Springsteen side are reportedly considering heading south.
THE TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMICS BOWL
"Rain on the Scarecrow," John Cougar Mellencamp, 1986
vs. "Money's Too Tight (To Mention)," Simply Red, 1986
Two songs about the negative effects of the economic policies of Ronald Reagan. Indianan Mellencamp got to #21 with a song about the struggles of farmers just trying to make enough to avoid foreclosure. That same year, a British group hit #28 with a cover of a soul song about how Reaganomics wasn't so good for those at the bottom of the economic ladder.
Final Score: Scarecrow 48, Money 7. The Cougar team was full of farm boys with something to prove, and they easily defeated the Simple Englishmen, who didn't really understand the game or the playbook. They will have to find another way to buy their kids brand new shoes.
THE LIFE'S AN ESKIMO PIE, LET'S TAKE A BITE BOWL
"Ebony and Ivory," Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, 1982
vs. "People are People," Depeche Mode, 1985
Two songs that make the case for racial harmony. Two pop legends teamed up for a #1 that uses the example of the different-coloured keys on a piano to show how we could all live together. Then, a British synth band hit #13 with a song that just seems bemused by the idea of people being prejudiced against each other because of the colour of their skin.
Final Score: Ebony 34, People 6. The McCartney/Wonder team was filled with parts that perfectly complemented one another, creating a game plan that came together beautifully. The Mode squad, in contrast, got along awfully, to the point where some of them were punching and kicking and shouting at each other on the sideline. After the game, when asked what went wrong, the Depeche coach turned the tables on the reporters, asking them to help him understand.
THE REMEMBER THIS GUY BOWL
"A Fine Fine Day," Tony Carey, 1984
vs. "The First Day of Summer," Tony Carey, 1984
A battle between the only two Top 40 hits by a California native who once played keyboards for the band Rainbow. First, he went to #22 with the story about how his Uncle Sonny was involved in some shady business when he was a child. Then he hit #33 by singing about his own youthful misdeeds, perpetrated alongside his friend "The Kid."
Final Score: First 27, Fine 9. The boys of Summer had youth on their side, which gave them the advantage over their Fine opposition, whose star player, Sonny, seemed to disappear during halftime. But the remaining Carey crew have their issues, as their own best player, The Kid, stole the team bus containing all their gear after the game, and he hasn't been heard from since.
THE WHAT HATH BOB WROUGHT BOWL
"Do They Know It's Christmas," Band Aid, 1985
vs. "We are the World," USA for Africa, 1985
The two major all-star charity singles inspired by reports of the devastation caused by a famine in Ethiopia. Bob Geldof and Midge Ure struck first by gathering British stars such as George Michael, Sting, and Duran Duran for a holiday-themed number that topped charts almost everywhere. In America, however, it stalled at #13. Shortly afterward, the Yanks got in on the act, assembling talents ranging from Kenny Rogers and Cyndi Lauper to Bob Dylan and Ray Charles to perform a Michael Jackson/Lionel Richie ballad for the cause. They, of course, made it to #1 in their homeland.
Final Score: World 52, Christmas 42. The amount of talent on the field was impressive, and many of the stars had moments of individual brilliance. In the end, Team USA just had a few more of those moments, and it was a spectacular hookup between Bruce Springsteen and Stevie Wonder that clinched the victory. In the Band Aid locker room after the game, Bono attempted to rouse his defeated side by saying it was better that they were the ones going on to the next round, or as he put it: "Thank God it's them instead of you." But rather than being inspired by these words, his teammates were confused and offended.
THE STACKED DECK BOWL
"Sun City," Artists United Against Apartheid, 1986
vs. "The Way it Is," Bruce Hornsby and the Range, 1986
Two songs that unambiguously attack institutional racism. E. Street band guitarist Steven Van Zandt convinced his Boss and a wide variety of musicians from around the world to record a protest record against performers who play at a segregated resort in Apartheid South Africa. They hit #38. Later that year, Mr. Hornsby and his band went to #1 singing about how African-Americans continue to suffer social and economic oppression.
Final Score: City 45, Way 6. An overwhelming Artistic triumph, with the passion of the anti-apartheid campaigners proving too much for the subtle approach of the Hornsby team. Even worse, the losing side was heckled as they left the field by a man in a silk suit, who, just for fun, taunted them by yelling "Get a job!"
THE FAKE NEWS BOWL
"Dirty Laundry," Don Henley, 1983
vs. "Rumors," Timex Social Club, 1986
Two songs about unreliable sources of information. Henley went to #3 with a song about how television news was more about entertainment and exploitation than truly reflecting the important events of the day. Three years later, a California group got to #8 by decrying gossip and those who spread it.
Final Score: Laundry 41, Rumors 13. The Dirty squad lived up to their name by kicking their opponents when they were up and when they were down. The Timex team was unable to keep on ticking in the face of the vicious falsehoods Henley's players repeated to then in between plays. Some members of the defeated side decided they needed somebody to lean on, and they were reportedly looking into joining a new (or nouveau, if you speak French) club.
THE STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER BOWL
"America," Neil Diamond, 1981
vs. "Living in America," James Brown, 1986
Two songs that celebrate the United States. Neil reached #8 with a song from his movie The Jazz Singer about the U.S.A. being a beacon of hope and opportunity for immigrants from around the world. James, meanwhile, hit #4 with the number he led Apollo Creed to the ring with in Rocky IV; a funky ode to America's highways, railroads, radio stations, and all-night diners.
Final Score: Brown 27, Diamond 17. Neil's players were eager to play this game, having travelled from all over the world, by land and by sea, to participate. But perhaps that travel made them too weary, because they seemed drained late in the game, while James' gang, who had been at the game's location for many years, still had plenty of energy. And they weren't shy about expressing how good they felt at the end. Sadly, it seems Diamond's father was so disappointed by the loss that he reportedly disowned his son in melodramatic fashion.
Thursday, October 17, 2019
AOMA: UKT40 October 6, 1984 Part Two
The back end.
20 - "Human Racing," Nik Kershaw
The fourth hit for the Bristol popmeister was this semi-ballad about how life is a cutthroat competition or some such thing. The main thing I got from this is that his voice here reminds me of Stevie Wonder. Not a discovery I ever expected to make.
19 - "Hammer to Fall," Queen
Their 25th Top 40 was this bracing rocker that seems to be about the fear of an escalation of the Cold War, possibly including nuclear attack. This year seemed to be a high point of that anxiety. Maybe it was uncertainty caused by the high turnover rate for Russian premiers at the time. Anyway, we survived, and this song still makes me want to punch the air, so all that gear was clearly worth it.
18 - "Dr. Beat," Miami Sound Machine
Before they broke through in their homeland, the Florida group fronted by Gloria Estefan went Top Ten across the pond with this request for medical assistance with the problem of continuous dancing. How a physician who seems to specialize in providing of the basic elements of dance music was supposed to cure this alleged ailment, I cannot fathom. But as this was the band's first English-language single, they probably didn't spend much time pondering that paradox. And this was catchy enough that no one else did either,
17 - "East of Eden," Big Country
These Scots had their fifth hit with this song about searching for meaning and inspiration. They were clearly entrenched in the same "we rock more meaningfully than the rest of you dummies" camp that U2 has kept their tent firmly pitched in all these years. If there's a hook in it, it's fine, but if their isn't, like on this, you're just sitting and waiting for them to finish.
16 - "Agadoo," Black Lace
These Brits, who got their first break when they were picked to represent the U.K. at Eurovision in 1979, had their biggest hit with this silly dance tune about learning a dance from a Hawaiian hula girl that involves pushing pineapples and grinding coffee. I'd say this song has no reason to exist, but I can't, because it was the inspiration for Spitting Image's "The Chicken Song." So thank you, you "two wet gits."
15 - "Drive," The Cars
The Boston band's only Triple Top Ten was this ballad about dealing with a friend or lover's self-destructive behaviour. It may not bear much resemblance to their early stuff, but that does not make it any less of a transcendent pop song, and the moment that I will remember the late Benjamin Orr most for.
14 - "Big in Japan," Alphaville
Although now best remembered for their anthemic ballad "Forever Young," this German group had their biggest British chart success with this synthpopper that compares an addiction to heroin to being a rock band ignored at home but famous in Tokyo. I don't quite get it, but it's got a bouncy magic to it, and it's performed with conviction. This should have been big everywhere.
13 - "Apollo 9," Adam Ant
Stuart Goddard's fifth solo hit was this exuberant nonsense about going to space after a breakup. It doesn't say anything, but it created a crazily joyful noise.
12 - "A Letter to You," Shakin' Stevens
The shaky one's twelfth Top Ten was this about mailing rainbows, flowers, hugs, and even the moon in one envelope to a loved one. One of his sillier slices of fake rockabilly, but there's a charm in it's over-the-topness.
11 - "Careless Whisper," George Michael
The Triple Crown-winning guilt ballad credited at home to just George but to Wham! featuring George in North America, which appeared on a Wham! album and was written by George and Andrew but Andrew isn't on the record. Such a convoluted provenance for a strbaightforward pop record. It sounds like it was crafted to be a #1, but not in a bad way.
10 - "Love Kills," Freddie Mercury
In spite of what Bohemian Rhapsody may have told you, Freddie's first solo single was in the charts right alongside his band. This is propulsive synth-disco, produced and written with Giorgio Moroder, about how love isn't always what we think it should be. Freddie could definitely thrive in this arena, but not as many people wanted to go there with him as he'd hoped at the time.
9 - "If it Happens Again," UB40
The Birmingham reggae outfit's seventh Top Ten was this song on which they lament the re-election of Margaret Thatcher and threaten their own Brexit if she won the next time. Yes, she did, and yes, they stayed. But this is still a powerful track, and proof that they didn't completely lose their way right after "Red Red Wine."
8 - "Purple Rain," Prince
It amazes me that the most epic power ballad ever didn't even get a single jewel of the Triple Crown. #2 in America, #3 in Canada, and #6 here. Baffling. Maybe if his original idea of doing it as a country duet with Stevie Nicks had come off...No. This is the form it was meant to take, and we were all fools not to reach out for something new.
7 - "Blue Jean," David Bowie
Davey Boy the Songsmith went Triple Top Ten with this R&B-rocker about a police-bike-riding, camouflage-faced lady. A decent attempt to continue with the Let's Dance sound, but Nile Rogers is much missed.
6 - "Why," Bronski Beat
The second Top Ten for Jimmy Somerville's groundbreaking crew was this unapologetic disco-rocker that questions why homosexuality causes such visceral and violent reactions in those who don't understand or approve of it. The repetition of the phrase "you and me together, fighting for our love" couldn't help but become a rallying anthem. This was a band that finally said explicitly what the disco and dance music before it only declared in code.
5 - "Lost in Music," Sister Sledge
This remix of the sisters' 1979 #17 got 13 places higher than the original. The differences aren't radical, which is fine, because it was pretty great in the first place. More proof that Nile Rodgers was the last genius of the disco era.
4 - "Pride (In the Name of Love)," U2
Their American breakthrough was their first Top Five here. It had that sheen of self-seriousness, but the anger still came through. They would find that balance harder to maintain as time went on,
3 - "The War Song," Culture Club
This lead single from their third album was so hotly anticipated that it debuted all the way up here, but it would only go up one more place. It's easily their biggest misfire. This was an attempt to do the same thing Edwin Starr did on "War," but it sounded naive and petulant rather than righteous and strident. Frankie Goes to Hollywood had the better idea of just covering the original around this time.
2 - "Ghostbusters," Ray Parker Jr.
Britain denied the theme for the spectre-chasing adventures of Venkman, Stantz, Spengler and Zeddemore a Triple Crown. Then Huey Lewis denied him an undisclosed amount of money for ripping off "I Want a New Drug." Ray should have been afraid after all.
1 - "I Just Called to Say I Love You," Stevie Wonder
No, it doesn't seem right that this sapstorm was Stevie's only Triple Crown winner (and only U.K.#1!). But going back over it, I have to say that it's perfectly made to be what it was: a catchy, upbeat pop love song for a silly comedy. He could, and did, do much more, but I can't fault him for filling an order. Even if you can paint masterpieces, if they ask for dogs playing poker, it's okay to give them dogs playing poker.
Next we return to the 80s tournament of the riders of the uneasy variety. Come back, if you'd like, to watch the madness.
20 - "Human Racing," Nik Kershaw
The fourth hit for the Bristol popmeister was this semi-ballad about how life is a cutthroat competition or some such thing. The main thing I got from this is that his voice here reminds me of Stevie Wonder. Not a discovery I ever expected to make.
19 - "Hammer to Fall," Queen
Their 25th Top 40 was this bracing rocker that seems to be about the fear of an escalation of the Cold War, possibly including nuclear attack. This year seemed to be a high point of that anxiety. Maybe it was uncertainty caused by the high turnover rate for Russian premiers at the time. Anyway, we survived, and this song still makes me want to punch the air, so all that gear was clearly worth it.
18 - "Dr. Beat," Miami Sound Machine
Before they broke through in their homeland, the Florida group fronted by Gloria Estefan went Top Ten across the pond with this request for medical assistance with the problem of continuous dancing. How a physician who seems to specialize in providing of the basic elements of dance music was supposed to cure this alleged ailment, I cannot fathom. But as this was the band's first English-language single, they probably didn't spend much time pondering that paradox. And this was catchy enough that no one else did either,
17 - "East of Eden," Big Country
These Scots had their fifth hit with this song about searching for meaning and inspiration. They were clearly entrenched in the same "we rock more meaningfully than the rest of you dummies" camp that U2 has kept their tent firmly pitched in all these years. If there's a hook in it, it's fine, but if their isn't, like on this, you're just sitting and waiting for them to finish.
16 - "Agadoo," Black Lace
These Brits, who got their first break when they were picked to represent the U.K. at Eurovision in 1979, had their biggest hit with this silly dance tune about learning a dance from a Hawaiian hula girl that involves pushing pineapples and grinding coffee. I'd say this song has no reason to exist, but I can't, because it was the inspiration for Spitting Image's "The Chicken Song." So thank you, you "two wet gits."
15 - "Drive," The Cars
The Boston band's only Triple Top Ten was this ballad about dealing with a friend or lover's self-destructive behaviour. It may not bear much resemblance to their early stuff, but that does not make it any less of a transcendent pop song, and the moment that I will remember the late Benjamin Orr most for.
14 - "Big in Japan," Alphaville
Although now best remembered for their anthemic ballad "Forever Young," this German group had their biggest British chart success with this synthpopper that compares an addiction to heroin to being a rock band ignored at home but famous in Tokyo. I don't quite get it, but it's got a bouncy magic to it, and it's performed with conviction. This should have been big everywhere.
13 - "Apollo 9," Adam Ant
Stuart Goddard's fifth solo hit was this exuberant nonsense about going to space after a breakup. It doesn't say anything, but it created a crazily joyful noise.
12 - "A Letter to You," Shakin' Stevens
The shaky one's twelfth Top Ten was this about mailing rainbows, flowers, hugs, and even the moon in one envelope to a loved one. One of his sillier slices of fake rockabilly, but there's a charm in it's over-the-topness.
11 - "Careless Whisper," George Michael
The Triple Crown-winning guilt ballad credited at home to just George but to Wham! featuring George in North America, which appeared on a Wham! album and was written by George and Andrew but Andrew isn't on the record. Such a convoluted provenance for a strbaightforward pop record. It sounds like it was crafted to be a #1, but not in a bad way.
10 - "Love Kills," Freddie Mercury
In spite of what Bohemian Rhapsody may have told you, Freddie's first solo single was in the charts right alongside his band. This is propulsive synth-disco, produced and written with Giorgio Moroder, about how love isn't always what we think it should be. Freddie could definitely thrive in this arena, but not as many people wanted to go there with him as he'd hoped at the time.
9 - "If it Happens Again," UB40
The Birmingham reggae outfit's seventh Top Ten was this song on which they lament the re-election of Margaret Thatcher and threaten their own Brexit if she won the next time. Yes, she did, and yes, they stayed. But this is still a powerful track, and proof that they didn't completely lose their way right after "Red Red Wine."
8 - "Purple Rain," Prince
It amazes me that the most epic power ballad ever didn't even get a single jewel of the Triple Crown. #2 in America, #3 in Canada, and #6 here. Baffling. Maybe if his original idea of doing it as a country duet with Stevie Nicks had come off...No. This is the form it was meant to take, and we were all fools not to reach out for something new.
7 - "Blue Jean," David Bowie
Davey Boy the Songsmith went Triple Top Ten with this R&B-rocker about a police-bike-riding, camouflage-faced lady. A decent attempt to continue with the Let's Dance sound, but Nile Rogers is much missed.
6 - "Why," Bronski Beat
The second Top Ten for Jimmy Somerville's groundbreaking crew was this unapologetic disco-rocker that questions why homosexuality causes such visceral and violent reactions in those who don't understand or approve of it. The repetition of the phrase "you and me together, fighting for our love" couldn't help but become a rallying anthem. This was a band that finally said explicitly what the disco and dance music before it only declared in code.
5 - "Lost in Music," Sister Sledge
This remix of the sisters' 1979 #17 got 13 places higher than the original. The differences aren't radical, which is fine, because it was pretty great in the first place. More proof that Nile Rodgers was the last genius of the disco era.
4 - "Pride (In the Name of Love)," U2
Their American breakthrough was their first Top Five here. It had that sheen of self-seriousness, but the anger still came through. They would find that balance harder to maintain as time went on,
3 - "The War Song," Culture Club
This lead single from their third album was so hotly anticipated that it debuted all the way up here, but it would only go up one more place. It's easily their biggest misfire. This was an attempt to do the same thing Edwin Starr did on "War," but it sounded naive and petulant rather than righteous and strident. Frankie Goes to Hollywood had the better idea of just covering the original around this time.
2 - "Ghostbusters," Ray Parker Jr.
Britain denied the theme for the spectre-chasing adventures of Venkman, Stantz, Spengler and Zeddemore a Triple Crown. Then Huey Lewis denied him an undisclosed amount of money for ripping off "I Want a New Drug." Ray should have been afraid after all.
1 - "I Just Called to Say I Love You," Stevie Wonder
No, it doesn't seem right that this sapstorm was Stevie's only Triple Crown winner (and only U.K.#1!). But going back over it, I have to say that it's perfectly made to be what it was: a catchy, upbeat pop love song for a silly comedy. He could, and did, do much more, but I can't fault him for filling an order. Even if you can paint masterpieces, if they ask for dogs playing poker, it's okay to give them dogs playing poker.
Next we return to the 80s tournament of the riders of the uneasy variety. Come back, if you'd like, to watch the madness.
Monday, October 14, 2019
AOMA: UKT40 October 6, 1984 Part One
October 1984. ITV debuts a television series based on a series of children's books about a tank engine named Thomas. It has proved to be really useful to parents of young children everywhere. Less practical, but possibly more entertaining, were the songs in the charts.
40 - "Cath," The Bluebells
The Scots' third hit was this jangly tune about a disappointing experience with a woman. Catchy indie-pop for those times when that is precisely what's required.
39 - "White Lines (Don't Do It)," Grandmaster and Melle Mel
First of all, in spite of the credit, this is a Melle Mel solo outing, with no participation from his Furious Five cohort Grandmaster Flash. Aside from that, it's a rap-funk classic about the danger and allure of cocaine. The song manages to sound serious even when it's saying "rang-dang-diggity-dang-a-dang." A great record, despite the fact that history has given the lie to the claim that "athletes reject it."
38 - "Missing You," John Waite
The big solo smash for the ex-Baby and future Bad Englishman was a North American #1 and a Top Ten in his homeland. 80s pop-rock distilled to its essence, with the high voice on the choruses and the synth bubbling along in the background. 1984 crystallized in four-and-a-half minutes.
37 - "Tour de France," Kraftwerk
Another spin for the German electro pioneers' ode to bicycle racing. It may be the only thing about the titular event that remains untainted.
36 - "I'll Fly for You," Spandau Ballet
The ninth Top Ten for the Islington band was this jazz-pop pledge to do the impossible in the name of love. They were becoming something close to a lounge act, but they sounded so good at it that I can't hold it against them.
35 - "Talking in Your Sleep," Bucks Fizz
The eleventh Top 40 for the pop quartet was this cover of a song that was a big North American hit for The Romantics earlier in the year. A bloodless cover. I'm glad they never tried "What I Like About You."
34 - "Mystery," Dio
The first hit for the band named for the American ex-Black Sabbath singer born Ronald Padavona was this hard rock love song about the enigmatic nature of love. A change from his usual material, and a mere 1.5 on the Headbangometer. But Dio had already earned the right to an occasional break from the infernal darkness, so I don't mind this at all.
33 - "Self Control," Laura Branigan
Laura's venture into a sexually charged nightlife went Top Five in the U's, but we nasty Canadians made it a #1. When we drop our polite facades, we don't mess around. Another surprise: I have this a full point higher on the Headbangometer than the Dio song. Never saw that coming.
32 - "Skin Deep," The Stranglers
The Guildford punk vets scored yet another hit with this hypnotic New Waver about being cautious about friends who may not be what they appear. These guys are a great example of a band adjusting its sound over time while always feeling authentic. A difficult trick.
31 - "Like to Get to Know You Well," Howard Jones
The Southamptonian's fourth Top Ten was this song about the importance of people learning about each other. Apparently he dedicated this to "the original spirit of the Olympic Games." Obviously the then-recent Los Angeles edition was flawed in that way due to political boycotts, but one wonders how true to this ideal the modern Games have ever been. But this is reflective of the oft-naive worldview of Jones' music. It can be annoying if your not in the mood to hear it, but I am usually charmed.
30 - "Passengers," Elton John
Sir Elton's eighth home Top Five was this stab at reggae. The lyrics seem to be about injustice and oppression. It's an interesting attempt, but it doesn't quite work for me.
29 - "The Medicine Song," Stephanie Mills
The American soul singer's second and last Top 40 here was this dance pop prescription for something that will make you feel better. From what I gather, there are no pills involved, but their will be time spent in bed, and some kind of injection may be involved. It's sex. She thinks you should have sex. With her.
28 - "No More Lonely Nights," Paul McCartney
The hit ballad from Macca's ill-advised Give My Regards to Broad Street film. A straightforward, sincere love song. Did he write too many of these? Maybe. But this isn't one of the ones I'd cut if I had such power,
27 - "Hot Water," Level 42
More noodly synth-jazz from Mark King and co. It's about kids who rebel through music. I'm not sure Level 42 is the ideal music for teenage defiance, but this is one of their more distinctive tunes, so I'll give it a cautious endorsement.
26 - "Tesla Girls," Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
OMD are here with a song that seems to be about women who are really into the work of a certain Serbian-American engineer and inventor. Regardless, it's fun, catchy synth pop. And I like it better than anything by the band Tesla. Just personal taste.
25 - "Mr. Solitaire," Animal Nightlife
The first hit by this British group was this pop tune about a woman leaving her selfish man. I think. Not really feeling this. It's like third string Spandau Ballet.
24 - "Master and Servant," Depeche Mode
The fifth Top Ten for the Essex boys was this not-at-all veiled ode to BDSM sex. Apparently, it only got approved by the BBC because the one DJ who would have vetoed it was away that day. It's as darkly subversive as you'd imagine, and it even explains the appeal of such activity, in that it is a place where you can experience the subjugation you feel in your everyday existence, while having much more control. Or to put it another way, "it's a lot like life."
23 - "Madam Butterfly," Malcolm McLaren
The impresario's disco-rock Coles notes of the Puccini opera that we first encountered in Canada. Cio-Cio is still hopeful at the end of this version. That one way to be saved by pop.
22 - "Smooth Operator," Sade
Helen Adu and her band's immortal jazzy gigolo jam. Top Five on North America, but only #19 here. They were not so easily seduced. But if the song were the person it describes, it would have merely shrugged and moved on to the next conquest.
21 - "Together in Electric Dreams," Giorgio Moroder and Phil Oakey
Producer Moroder teamed up with Human League singer Oakey on this song from a movie about a computer that becomes sentient after champagne is spilled on it, and then competes with its owner for the affections of a woman. Yeah, that happened. It's a nice enough song, but both men have done better.
In Part Two: tools, frills, rockets and more.
40 - "Cath," The Bluebells
The Scots' third hit was this jangly tune about a disappointing experience with a woman. Catchy indie-pop for those times when that is precisely what's required.
39 - "White Lines (Don't Do It)," Grandmaster and Melle Mel
First of all, in spite of the credit, this is a Melle Mel solo outing, with no participation from his Furious Five cohort Grandmaster Flash. Aside from that, it's a rap-funk classic about the danger and allure of cocaine. The song manages to sound serious even when it's saying "rang-dang-diggity-dang-a-dang." A great record, despite the fact that history has given the lie to the claim that "athletes reject it."
38 - "Missing You," John Waite
The big solo smash for the ex-Baby and future Bad Englishman was a North American #1 and a Top Ten in his homeland. 80s pop-rock distilled to its essence, with the high voice on the choruses and the synth bubbling along in the background. 1984 crystallized in four-and-a-half minutes.
37 - "Tour de France," Kraftwerk
Another spin for the German electro pioneers' ode to bicycle racing. It may be the only thing about the titular event that remains untainted.
36 - "I'll Fly for You," Spandau Ballet
The ninth Top Ten for the Islington band was this jazz-pop pledge to do the impossible in the name of love. They were becoming something close to a lounge act, but they sounded so good at it that I can't hold it against them.
35 - "Talking in Your Sleep," Bucks Fizz
The eleventh Top 40 for the pop quartet was this cover of a song that was a big North American hit for The Romantics earlier in the year. A bloodless cover. I'm glad they never tried "What I Like About You."
34 - "Mystery," Dio
The first hit for the band named for the American ex-Black Sabbath singer born Ronald Padavona was this hard rock love song about the enigmatic nature of love. A change from his usual material, and a mere 1.5 on the Headbangometer. But Dio had already earned the right to an occasional break from the infernal darkness, so I don't mind this at all.
33 - "Self Control," Laura Branigan
Laura's venture into a sexually charged nightlife went Top Five in the U's, but we nasty Canadians made it a #1. When we drop our polite facades, we don't mess around. Another surprise: I have this a full point higher on the Headbangometer than the Dio song. Never saw that coming.
32 - "Skin Deep," The Stranglers
The Guildford punk vets scored yet another hit with this hypnotic New Waver about being cautious about friends who may not be what they appear. These guys are a great example of a band adjusting its sound over time while always feeling authentic. A difficult trick.
31 - "Like to Get to Know You Well," Howard Jones
The Southamptonian's fourth Top Ten was this song about the importance of people learning about each other. Apparently he dedicated this to "the original spirit of the Olympic Games." Obviously the then-recent Los Angeles edition was flawed in that way due to political boycotts, but one wonders how true to this ideal the modern Games have ever been. But this is reflective of the oft-naive worldview of Jones' music. It can be annoying if your not in the mood to hear it, but I am usually charmed.
30 - "Passengers," Elton John
Sir Elton's eighth home Top Five was this stab at reggae. The lyrics seem to be about injustice and oppression. It's an interesting attempt, but it doesn't quite work for me.
29 - "The Medicine Song," Stephanie Mills
The American soul singer's second and last Top 40 here was this dance pop prescription for something that will make you feel better. From what I gather, there are no pills involved, but their will be time spent in bed, and some kind of injection may be involved. It's sex. She thinks you should have sex. With her.
28 - "No More Lonely Nights," Paul McCartney
The hit ballad from Macca's ill-advised Give My Regards to Broad Street film. A straightforward, sincere love song. Did he write too many of these? Maybe. But this isn't one of the ones I'd cut if I had such power,
27 - "Hot Water," Level 42
More noodly synth-jazz from Mark King and co. It's about kids who rebel through music. I'm not sure Level 42 is the ideal music for teenage defiance, but this is one of their more distinctive tunes, so I'll give it a cautious endorsement.
26 - "Tesla Girls," Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
OMD are here with a song that seems to be about women who are really into the work of a certain Serbian-American engineer and inventor. Regardless, it's fun, catchy synth pop. And I like it better than anything by the band Tesla. Just personal taste.
25 - "Mr. Solitaire," Animal Nightlife
The first hit by this British group was this pop tune about a woman leaving her selfish man. I think. Not really feeling this. It's like third string Spandau Ballet.
24 - "Master and Servant," Depeche Mode
The fifth Top Ten for the Essex boys was this not-at-all veiled ode to BDSM sex. Apparently, it only got approved by the BBC because the one DJ who would have vetoed it was away that day. It's as darkly subversive as you'd imagine, and it even explains the appeal of such activity, in that it is a place where you can experience the subjugation you feel in your everyday existence, while having much more control. Or to put it another way, "it's a lot like life."
23 - "Madam Butterfly," Malcolm McLaren
The impresario's disco-rock Coles notes of the Puccini opera that we first encountered in Canada. Cio-Cio is still hopeful at the end of this version. That one way to be saved by pop.
22 - "Smooth Operator," Sade
Helen Adu and her band's immortal jazzy gigolo jam. Top Five on North America, but only #19 here. They were not so easily seduced. But if the song were the person it describes, it would have merely shrugged and moved on to the next conquest.
21 - "Together in Electric Dreams," Giorgio Moroder and Phil Oakey
Producer Moroder teamed up with Human League singer Oakey on this song from a movie about a computer that becomes sentient after champagne is spilled on it, and then competes with its owner for the affections of a woman. Yeah, that happened. It's a nice enough song, but both men have done better.
In Part Two: tools, frills, rockets and more.
Tuesday, October 8, 2019
...And as Years Go By: CT50 September 2, 1972
September 2, 1972. On this night, at the Montreal Forum, the first of a series of eight hockey games was played between the national team of the Soviet Union and an all-star collection of Canadian NHL players. Most observers here predicted that the NHLers would dominate the Soviet "amateurs." They were in for a bit of a surprise. Somewhat less surprising was the music that populated the national chart.
Bonus Track #1: 68 - "Love is a Railroad," Pepper Tree
This group of Nova Scotia bar band all-stars had their biggest hit with this love song that sounds like Crosby Stills and Nashville. It doesn't quite lay down a complete system of tracks through your mind, but it sounds nice as it speeds through.
Bonus Track #2: 55 - "Summer Sun," Jamestown Massacre
A light, breezy rock song in the Doobie Brothers vein by a short-lived Illinois band. Most notable for its singer, Dave Bickler, who would later help form Survivor and enjoy success with them before being replaced shortly after "Eye of the Tiger" hit #1. I bet he was rooting for Ivan Drago.
50 - "Easy Livin'," Uriah Heep
Named for a character from Charles Dickens' David Copperfield, this London band had their biggest hit with this chugging rocker about the redeeming love of a woman. You'd be forgiven (by me at least) if you thought this was Deep Purple. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
47 - "America," Yes
The prog stars picked up a hit with a cover of a 1968 Simon and Garfunkel song about a man and his girlfriend Kathy taking a cross-country bus trip. Simon's playful lyrics about bags full of real estate and bowtie cameras are dramatized by Jon Anderson's high voice, and the instrumental jam breaks try to make this more epic. But I can't say it's at all preferable to the original.
46 - "Africa," Thundemug
From London Ontario, this group had the first of two Top 40s with this reverent rock tribute to the continent "where life began." The line "sing, coloured man" hasn't aged well, but otherwise this is decent Canuck content. And it references Tanganyika, which will always remind me of my Grade 10 science teacher.
42 - "Circles," The New Seekers
The British MOR travellers went Top Ten at home and got this high here with this cover of a Harry Chapin song about the cyclical nature of life. Nice song, pretty performance, and it ends just about right when you're ready to hear something else.
40 - "Feelin' Better Already," Everyday People
Another Nova Scotia band, this one with a song about an improved mood. Rock with harmony vocals. It's okay, no more to say.
39 - "Reflections of My Childhood," Frank Mills
Seven years before "Music Box Dancer" became an international smash, Montrealer Mills hit at home with by playing piano and singing on this song about trying to recapture youthful idealism. Easy listening at its easiest, but that's not always a bad thing.
37 - "One More Chance," Ocean
The Toronto group that gave us "Put Your Hand in the Hand" managed one more domesticated Top 40 with this less-explicitly religious prayer for the redemption of mankind. They seem less faithful on this one ("You don't get my hallelujah until I see the signs"). I have to say, cynicism doesn't become them as much as piety did.
34 - "New York is Closed Tonight," Barry Greenfield
Vancouver native Greenfield went to England as a teenager to pursue his musical dreams, eventually getting discovered by future 10cc member Graham Gouldman. His biggest hit was this mix of folk and hard rock about that seems to be about some sort of catastrophe (possibly nuclear attack or ecological disaster) that decimates the Big Apple. It's a cool little story song, enhanced by Greenfield's Cat Stevens-esque voice. And even though this is the first time I've ever heard it, I'm going to go ahead and declare it a Certificate CanCon Classic.
33 - "Bad Side of the Moon," April Wine
The Halifax band's third hit was a cover of a 1970 Elton John B-side. I'm not sure what the lyrics about a "rustic spoon" or foreign-speaking hummingbirds mean, but they sound good, and the band's spirited performance truly makes it their own. Possibly their best track.
32 - "Wild Eyes," The Stampeders
The Calgary band's second #2 (to go with the #1 "Sweet City Woman") was this straight ahead rocker about a lady with exotic peepers. Simple but satisfying classic rock.
30 - "Who Has the Answers," Andy Kim
The Montrealer who co-wrote "Sugar Sugar" and would go on to fall just short of a Triple Crown with "Rock Me Gently" is here with a folky tune spiritual doubt in a broken world. Okay song, notable for the fact that he sounds more like Neil Diamond here than on anything else I've heard of his.
23 - "Sun Goes By," Dr. Music
This Toronto jazz group was originally assembled for a TV variety show starring novelty singer Ray Stevens, but would go on to success on their home singles charts with songs like this sunny, almost proto-disco number. This one shows they could more than hold their own with contemporaries foreign (Chicago) and domestic (Lighthouse).
22 - "Concrete Sea," Terry Jacks
The Winnipegger's second solo hit was this funk-rock ditty about longing to no longer be boxed in by the confines of a big city. It's short, it's snappy, and it's nothing at all like "Seasons in the Sun." I've found a version of this guy I can get with.
10 - "Sealed with a Kiss," Bobby Vinton
The Polish Prince's Brian Hylton cover stalled at #19 in the States, but us SWAK-y Canadians made it a Top Ten. This was our nation's first version of Vin-sanity. But I don't think Bobby could dunk.
9 - "Happy," The Rolling Stones
The Exile on Main Street track featuring a rare lead vocal from Keith Richard's didn't chart in Britain and missed the Top Twenty i America, but again, we took it upon ourselves to make it a Top Ten. I'm pleased about that, and I'm amused at the thought that later in the decade, this country would explicitly learn what Keef meant when he said he "always took candy from strangers."
8 - "School's Out," Alice Cooper
Britain sent Alice's naughty anti-educational institution yowl to #1. America held it to #7. True to form, we split the difference by taking it to #1. Does this mean we got no principles?
7 - "You Don't Mess Around with Jim," Jim Croce
The Philly folkie's breakthrough was a cross-border Top Ten. It's still essentially the same song as "Bad Bad Leroy Brown," but it's catchy enough in its own way to be forgiven.
6 - "Hold Your Head Up," Argent
The signature hit for Rod Argent's post-Zombies band peaked at #5 in all three Triple Crown countries. I will refer to that as a Stare Express. Look it up.
5 - "Coconut," Harry Nilsson
Harry's silly tune about drinking fruit and becoming ill was a crossborder Top Ten, but missed the Top 40 in Britain. They're such a silly country.
4 - "Goodbye to Love," Carpenters
Karen and Richard's second Triple Top Ten. Apparently because of those surprising fuzz guitar solos, some consider it to be the first power ballad. I'm picturing Karen throwing up the metal devil horns. It's a cool image.
3 - "Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress," The Hollies
We have the Mancunians' driving rocker about a prohibition-era bust our jewel in the Triple Crown. America held it to #2, okay. But only #32 in the U.K.? That's not right.
2 - "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)," The Looking Glass
So I've been upfront in the past about my distaste for this. The second Guardians of the Galaxy movie tried to rehabilitate it in my esteem. It failed. I still hate the lyrics, I am repelled by the vocals, and I am pleased Britain denied it a Triple Crown with #51 authority.
1 - "Alone Again (Naturally)," Gilbert O'Sullivan
Ol' Gil was also denied a Triple Crown by the Brits, and the fact that it got as close as #3 probably wasn't much consolation to him, if this song is any indication. I've been listening lately to podcasts of old episodes of Desert Island Discs, the BBC radio show where celebrities name their favourite records. Gilbert never did one, which is probably for the best. But I wonder if anyone ever chose this to have while lost on am uncharted island, and if they did so for any other reason to accompany their resigned walk into watery oblivion. Why else would you need it for?
Back to Britain next time. Tremble in anticipation until then.
Bonus Track #1: 68 - "Love is a Railroad," Pepper Tree
This group of Nova Scotia bar band all-stars had their biggest hit with this love song that sounds like Crosby Stills and Nashville. It doesn't quite lay down a complete system of tracks through your mind, but it sounds nice as it speeds through.
Bonus Track #2: 55 - "Summer Sun," Jamestown Massacre
A light, breezy rock song in the Doobie Brothers vein by a short-lived Illinois band. Most notable for its singer, Dave Bickler, who would later help form Survivor and enjoy success with them before being replaced shortly after "Eye of the Tiger" hit #1. I bet he was rooting for Ivan Drago.
50 - "Easy Livin'," Uriah Heep
Named for a character from Charles Dickens' David Copperfield, this London band had their biggest hit with this chugging rocker about the redeeming love of a woman. You'd be forgiven (by me at least) if you thought this was Deep Purple. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
47 - "America," Yes
The prog stars picked up a hit with a cover of a 1968 Simon and Garfunkel song about a man and his girlfriend Kathy taking a cross-country bus trip. Simon's playful lyrics about bags full of real estate and bowtie cameras are dramatized by Jon Anderson's high voice, and the instrumental jam breaks try to make this more epic. But I can't say it's at all preferable to the original.
46 - "Africa," Thundemug
From London Ontario, this group had the first of two Top 40s with this reverent rock tribute to the continent "where life began." The line "sing, coloured man" hasn't aged well, but otherwise this is decent Canuck content. And it references Tanganyika, which will always remind me of my Grade 10 science teacher.
42 - "Circles," The New Seekers
The British MOR travellers went Top Ten at home and got this high here with this cover of a Harry Chapin song about the cyclical nature of life. Nice song, pretty performance, and it ends just about right when you're ready to hear something else.
40 - "Feelin' Better Already," Everyday People
Another Nova Scotia band, this one with a song about an improved mood. Rock with harmony vocals. It's okay, no more to say.
39 - "Reflections of My Childhood," Frank Mills
Seven years before "Music Box Dancer" became an international smash, Montrealer Mills hit at home with by playing piano and singing on this song about trying to recapture youthful idealism. Easy listening at its easiest, but that's not always a bad thing.
37 - "One More Chance," Ocean
The Toronto group that gave us "Put Your Hand in the Hand" managed one more domesticated Top 40 with this less-explicitly religious prayer for the redemption of mankind. They seem less faithful on this one ("You don't get my hallelujah until I see the signs"). I have to say, cynicism doesn't become them as much as piety did.
34 - "New York is Closed Tonight," Barry Greenfield
Vancouver native Greenfield went to England as a teenager to pursue his musical dreams, eventually getting discovered by future 10cc member Graham Gouldman. His biggest hit was this mix of folk and hard rock about that seems to be about some sort of catastrophe (possibly nuclear attack or ecological disaster) that decimates the Big Apple. It's a cool little story song, enhanced by Greenfield's Cat Stevens-esque voice. And even though this is the first time I've ever heard it, I'm going to go ahead and declare it a Certificate CanCon Classic.
33 - "Bad Side of the Moon," April Wine
The Halifax band's third hit was a cover of a 1970 Elton John B-side. I'm not sure what the lyrics about a "rustic spoon" or foreign-speaking hummingbirds mean, but they sound good, and the band's spirited performance truly makes it their own. Possibly their best track.
32 - "Wild Eyes," The Stampeders
The Calgary band's second #2 (to go with the #1 "Sweet City Woman") was this straight ahead rocker about a lady with exotic peepers. Simple but satisfying classic rock.
30 - "Who Has the Answers," Andy Kim
The Montrealer who co-wrote "Sugar Sugar" and would go on to fall just short of a Triple Crown with "Rock Me Gently" is here with a folky tune spiritual doubt in a broken world. Okay song, notable for the fact that he sounds more like Neil Diamond here than on anything else I've heard of his.
23 - "Sun Goes By," Dr. Music
This Toronto jazz group was originally assembled for a TV variety show starring novelty singer Ray Stevens, but would go on to success on their home singles charts with songs like this sunny, almost proto-disco number. This one shows they could more than hold their own with contemporaries foreign (Chicago) and domestic (Lighthouse).
22 - "Concrete Sea," Terry Jacks
The Winnipegger's second solo hit was this funk-rock ditty about longing to no longer be boxed in by the confines of a big city. It's short, it's snappy, and it's nothing at all like "Seasons in the Sun." I've found a version of this guy I can get with.
10 - "Sealed with a Kiss," Bobby Vinton
The Polish Prince's Brian Hylton cover stalled at #19 in the States, but us SWAK-y Canadians made it a Top Ten. This was our nation's first version of Vin-sanity. But I don't think Bobby could dunk.
9 - "Happy," The Rolling Stones
The Exile on Main Street track featuring a rare lead vocal from Keith Richard's didn't chart in Britain and missed the Top Twenty i America, but again, we took it upon ourselves to make it a Top Ten. I'm pleased about that, and I'm amused at the thought that later in the decade, this country would explicitly learn what Keef meant when he said he "always took candy from strangers."
8 - "School's Out," Alice Cooper
Britain sent Alice's naughty anti-educational institution yowl to #1. America held it to #7. True to form, we split the difference by taking it to #1. Does this mean we got no principles?
7 - "You Don't Mess Around with Jim," Jim Croce
The Philly folkie's breakthrough was a cross-border Top Ten. It's still essentially the same song as "Bad Bad Leroy Brown," but it's catchy enough in its own way to be forgiven.
6 - "Hold Your Head Up," Argent
The signature hit for Rod Argent's post-Zombies band peaked at #5 in all three Triple Crown countries. I will refer to that as a Stare Express. Look it up.
5 - "Coconut," Harry Nilsson
Harry's silly tune about drinking fruit and becoming ill was a crossborder Top Ten, but missed the Top 40 in Britain. They're such a silly country.
4 - "Goodbye to Love," Carpenters
Karen and Richard's second Triple Top Ten. Apparently because of those surprising fuzz guitar solos, some consider it to be the first power ballad. I'm picturing Karen throwing up the metal devil horns. It's a cool image.
3 - "Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress," The Hollies
We have the Mancunians' driving rocker about a prohibition-era bust our jewel in the Triple Crown. America held it to #2, okay. But only #32 in the U.K.? That's not right.
2 - "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)," The Looking Glass
So I've been upfront in the past about my distaste for this. The second Guardians of the Galaxy movie tried to rehabilitate it in my esteem. It failed. I still hate the lyrics, I am repelled by the vocals, and I am pleased Britain denied it a Triple Crown with #51 authority.
1 - "Alone Again (Naturally)," Gilbert O'Sullivan
Ol' Gil was also denied a Triple Crown by the Brits, and the fact that it got as close as #3 probably wasn't much consolation to him, if this song is any indication. I've been listening lately to podcasts of old episodes of Desert Island Discs, the BBC radio show where celebrities name their favourite records. Gilbert never did one, which is probably for the best. But I wonder if anyone ever chose this to have while lost on am uncharted island, and if they did so for any other reason to accompany their resigned walk into watery oblivion. Why else would you need it for?
Back to Britain next time. Tremble in anticipation until then.
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