August 1982. This month, Prince William was born. A future King of England entered the world. And this is what the commoners he will eventually lord over by accident of birth were listening to.
40 - "Rock the Casbah," The Clash
The punk pioneers tune about the transformative power of rock on an oppressive society was Top Ten in the States, Top Twenty in Canada, but only hit #30 here. Did the songs "Shareef" have more influence here than in North America? I'm sure there are conspiracy theories about that, just like everything else.
39 - "Machinery," Sheena Easton
The seventh domestic hit for the Scotswoman was this stuttery attempt at New Wave with lyrics that make no sense whatsoever. It shouldn't have been let out of the factory.
38 - "Bamboo Houses/Bamboo Music," Sylvian Sakamoto
The first of two hits for the collaboration of Japan singer David Sylvian and the Japanese co-founder of Yellow Magic Orchestra, Ryuchi Sakamoto, was this double-sider. The A is spooky synthpop with very few lyrics. The B is a little poppier, and has more lyrics. The theme of both seems to be houses and building. It's all very pretty and interesting, but certainly not radio-friendly pop. So I love that it made the Top 40 here. When only sales count, these things can happen.
37 - "Walking on Sunshine," Rockers Revenge featuring Donnie Calvin
Our second look at the Top Five team-up of singer Calvin and producer Arthur Baker. It's still fun, floor-filling electro-funk, and it's still not the same song that Katrina and the Waves did.
36 - "Wot," Captain Sensible
The second hit for the former Damned singer was this early rap-dance-rock hybrid on which the good Captain just seems grumpy. But you can sing along to his annoyance, so it's a beautiful thing.
35 - "Under the Boardwalk," Tom Tom Club
Our second visit with the Talking Heads' side project's cover of the Drifters classic. Okay, but I still spent more time during this spin being amazed at how "Genius of Love" could have possibly bombed here.
34 - "Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White," Modern Romance featuring John Du Prez
The fifth hit for these lounge-wavers was this cover of a 1950 composition best known for being a #1 smash for bandleader Perez Prado in 1955. Some nice playing from trumpeter Du Prez, but otherwise nothing notable.
33 - "Nobody's Fool," Haircut One Hundred
The fourth and final Top Ten for the Beckenham boys was this bouncy pop song about romantic bewilderment One of those bands who had one perfect run, then faded. Sometimes that's for the best.
32 - "Me and My Girl (Night-Clubbing)," David Essex
Mr. "Rock On" had his second hit of the decade with this cheesy number about taking his lady out on the town. His accent is strangely inconsistent throughout, and the arrangement sounds like a ska band trying to play a waltz. It all adds up to a quite unpleasant sound.
31 - "Spread a Little Happiness," Sting
Another outing for Sting's version of a 1929 song recorded for his film Brimstone and Treacle. Could he have been the British Fred Astaire if he had been born a half-century earlier? The fact that this song makes me ask that question weirds me out.
30 - "Chalk Dust - The Umpire Strikes Back," The Brat
This is a dance-rap parody concocted by comedians Kaplan Kaye and Roger Kitter. It imagines a clash between a Wimbledon umpire and argumentative tennis star John McEnroe over a line call. It ends with the official killing Johnny Mac with some sort of laser beam. A very dated Uneasy Rider. This one landed out by several feet.
29 - "Too Late," Junior
Norman Giscombe's second hit was this deceptively smooth R&B track about a woman leaving her abusive partner. The music masks the message. Nothing special.
28 - "Today," Talk Talk
The arty Londoners' breakthrough hit. Tuneful new wave about disillusionment with modern life. I think it's overtaking "It's My Life" in my estimation.
27 - "Save a Prayer," Duran Duran
The Duranies' first hit ballad became their biggest song to this point, reaching #2. It's about overcoming fear to take chances and experience life. They were starting to show that they were more than just New Romantic pretty boys destined to burn out.
26 - "Hi Fidelity," The Kids from Fame
Another look at this limp dance-popper from the cast of the movie-spinoff. So they want a relationship like a stereo? Okay, I guess everyone needs someone who will woofer their tweeter, or vice versa.
25 - "The Only Way Out," Cliff Richard
Sir Cliff continued the modern pop-rock run that began with "Devil Woman" with this mediocre song about needing a certain lady to save him from wild bachelorhood. I'm not sure how crazy he could have actually gotten, given his devout reputation, but they say it's always the quiet ones.
24 - "Love is In Control (Finger on the Trigger)," Donna Summer
Donna's first Brit hit of the 80s sounds quite a bit like the pop-funk that Michael Jackson was putting out just before and just after this, so it was no surprise to learn that it was produced and co-written by Quincy Jones. There are some disco whistles in the mix for some reason, but they don't detract from this wonderfully constructed number about incendiary passion. Possibly her best hit of this decade, on either side of the ocean.
23 - "Take it Away," Paul McCartney
Macca with a yacht-rocky ode to musicians and fans. His solo career was dropping back to the mediocrity of the last gasps of Wings. Get it out of here.
22 - "Da Da Da," Trio
The aggravatingly infectious sole hit for this German threesome is a testament to the power of deadpan vocals, minimalist synth beats, and a nonsensical chorus. I do love this, and I do believe it loves me.
21 - "18 Carat Love Affair/Love Hangover," The Associates
The third and final hit for these Dundee natives was this dramatic New Waver about a man who his cheating on his fiancee. It gives you no reason to empathize with the cheating bastard. And it's a double A with a really crappy Diana Ross cover. Don't associate with this one.
In Part Two: a cowboy, a snitch, and an odd young lady.
Friday, August 30, 2019
Monday, August 26, 2019
The OMUSURT: The Final
And so here we are. Our original 256 songs have been whittled down to two. Two-hundred-and-fifty-four pretenders have been winnowed out. Not to mention the dozen or so songs that the selection committee (aka me) feels should have made the field in retrospect. But today is not about them. Today is about our two finalists, and their imminent battle to be crowned the Ultimate Uneasy Rider of the Seventies. Let's begin with an in-depth look at the teams, and the road they took to get to this moment.
THE OMUSURT FINAL, OR THE ALWAYS WASH BEFORE YOU EAT, PEOPLE BOWL
THE OMUSURT FINAL, OR THE ALWAYS WASH BEFORE YOU EAT, PEOPLE BOWL
"RUBBER DUCKIE"
Artist: Ernie
Songwriter: Jeff Moss
Release Date: Summer 1970
Peak Hot 100 Position: #16 (September 26, 1970)
TOURNAMENT HISTORY
Round 1: Defeated “Disco Duck”by Rick Dees and His Cast of Idiots 35-21 (Quack Attack Bowl)
Round 2: Defeated “Rainbow Connection”by Kermit the Frog 21-17 (Jim Henson Memorial Bowl)
Round 3: Defeated “Teddy Bear” by Red Sovine 28-6 (Toy Animals Bowl)
Round 4: Defeated “Funky Worm” by The Ohio Players 45-24 (The Clean and the Dirty Bowl)
Round 5: Defeated “Muskrat Love” by The Captain and Tennille 28-21 (Fowl Rodents Bowl)
Quaterfinal: Defeated "The Streak" by Ray Stevens 44-7(Birthday Suit Bowl)
Round 2: Defeated “Rainbow Connection”by Kermit the Frog 21-17 (Jim Henson Memorial Bowl)
Round 3: Defeated “Teddy Bear” by Red Sovine 28-6 (Toy Animals Bowl)
Round 4: Defeated “Funky Worm” by The Ohio Players 45-24 (The Clean and the Dirty Bowl)
Round 5: Defeated “Muskrat Love” by The Captain and Tennille 28-21 (Fowl Rodents Bowl)
Quaterfinal: Defeated "The Streak" by Ray Stevens 44-7(Birthday Suit Bowl)
Semifinal: Defeated "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen 35-21 (Beelzebub Has Drawn a Bath for Me Bowl)
Aggregate Game Score: 236-117 (+119)
Points Per Game: 33.7
Average Margin of Victory: 17 points
"TIMOTHY"
Artist: The Buoys
Songwriter: Rupert Holmes
Release Date: December 1970
Peak Hot 100 Position: #17 (April 30, 1971)
TOURNAMENT HISTORY
Round 1: Defeated “Freddie’s Dead” by Curtis Mayfield 49-10 (The Dead Men Had Names Bowl)
Round 2: Defeated “Run Joey Run”by David Geddes 55-6 (God What Did They Do Bowl)
Round 3: Defeated “Angie Baby by Helen Reddy 63-56 (Mysterious Disappearance Bowl
Round 4: Defeated “D.O.A.” by Bloodrock 24-23 (Death in the Air and Below the Ground Bowl)
Round 5: Defeated “The Lord’s Prayer,” by Sister Janet Mead 14-7 (Praying for Rescue Bowl)
Quarterfinal: Defeated "King Heroin," by James Brown 37-31 (OT) (Things You Shouldn't Put in Your Body Bowl)
Round 2: Defeated “Run Joey Run”by David Geddes 55-6 (God What Did They Do Bowl)
Round 3: Defeated “Angie Baby by Helen Reddy 63-56 (Mysterious Disappearance Bowl
Round 4: Defeated “D.O.A.” by Bloodrock 24-23 (Death in the Air and Below the Ground Bowl)
Round 5: Defeated “The Lord’s Prayer,” by Sister Janet Mead 14-7 (Praying for Rescue Bowl)
Quarterfinal: Defeated "King Heroin," by James Brown 37-31 (OT) (Things You Shouldn't Put in Your Body Bowl)
Semifinal: Defeated "The Americans" by Byron MacGregor 21-0 (Tragedy Might Have Been Averted if Those Smug Foreign Bastards Had Given to the American Red Cross Bowl)
Aggregate Game Score: 263-133 (+130)
Points Per Game: 37.6
Average Margin of Victory: 18.6 points
So we see that both teams have had some close calls, but also some comfortable victories. This looks like a pretty even matchup. And we're about to kick off!
First Quarter: Once again, the Duckies start off slow, seeming to only offer previews of what they can do. Timothy and co. accomplish a little more, getting a drive going and setting up a field goal attempt, which they make in spite of not having enough men on the field. Ernie's team took over possession at the end of the quarter, so we'll see if they can get something going after the sides switch ends.
Current Score: Timothy 3, Duckie 0
As we wait for the action to resume, let's talk to our sideline reporters to gauge the mood of the teams. First to the Rubber Duckie sideline and Dickie Goodman.
Dickie, what's the mood over there?
"Everything is beautiful."
So they're staying positive. The Timothy team had been known to pull some trick plays. I understand you asked coach Ernie about that. What did he say?
"Won't get fooled again."
Dickie, this team has impressed us all with the way they have been able to remain a close-knit unit throughout the tournament. Why do you think that is?
"It's a family affair."
I see. There's one of the players beside you. Could you hand him your headset and microphone for a moment? Thanks. Young man, have you thought about what you would do if you happen to win this game?
"I'm gonna buy me all kinds of candy, that's what I'm gonna do."
Very good. Okay, thank you for that report, Dickie. Any further comment?
"Rock on."
We certainly will. All the way to the Timothy sideline and Chuck Berry. Chuck, can you sum up what happened in that quarter from the Buoys' point of view?
This team came from beneath the ground.
They once were lost but now they're found.
But one of their players is still missing
I bet he's off playing with his ding-a-ling-a-ling!
Well, thanks for that, Chuck. It doesn't really answer my question, but no matter, we're ready to start the second quarter.
Second Quarter: The Duckies did take advantage of their first possession of the second period, joyously marching down the field for the game's first touchdown. Their defense also stepped up with tackling so firm it forced audible groans from Buoys ball carriers. But the Timothy team seemed to recognize that things were in danger of becoming hopeless, and they started to come up with some ideas to turn things around near the end of the half, ultimately making another field goal before the break.
Halftime Score: Duckie 7, Timothy 6.
So as expected, not much between the two teams through thirty minutes, meaning that the next thirty or more will be where the championship is decided. For his halftime observations, we turn to our guest analyst, Benny Bell. Benny, how would you sum up the game so far?
"Those miners and that kid named Ernie
In all of them, there is no quit.
Soon one team will be covered in glory
While the other is covered in sh...aving cream,
Be nice and clean,
Shave every day and you'll always look keen."
Thank you, Benny. As always, your comments are entertaining, if not insightful. Well, I see that the halftime show, which featured The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards, a performance byElvis Ronnie McDowell, and a light show provided by the Carpenters' friends the Occupants of Interplanetary Craft, has just wrapped up and the teams are back on the field. What will be the exciting conclusion to this epic competition? We're about to find out.
Third Quarter: The Timothy team came out rejuvenated, as if they'd gotten a jolt of energy and strength from some kind of high-protein meal. The Duckies stuck to their usual second-half strategy of loose, carefree play, but this time, they were pushed aside as the Buoys' grim determination resulted in two touchdowns.
Current Score: Timothy 20, Duckie 7.
Just one quarter left to go in regulation time, and the Buoys' have taken control. Can Ernie and the Duckies clean up their game in these final minutes to squeak out one more win? Before we find out, let's check in with our reporters, who seem to have switched sidelines. So we'll start out with Chuck Berry this time with the Rubber team. Chuck, do you think the squad from Sesame Street have anything left for one last comeback.
"The Duck team's losing, do the math,
But all they want to do is take a bath
Some of them are already undressing
And I can see their ding-a-ling-a-lings."
Thank you Chuck. Now I don't want to accuse you of making things up just to fit your story, but none of our cameras are capturing anyone on that sideline removing their uniforms. But you're right there, so maybe you're getting a better view. Regardless, we now go to the Timothy sideline and Dickie Goodman.
Dickie, how do you explain the way the Timothy team dominated the third quarter?
"Oh, oh, oh, it's magic, you know."
I find that hard to believe. Are you sure their isn't some other explanation?
"I believe in miracles, where you from, you sexy thing?"
All right, I guess we'll never know. From what you see over there, is there any way the Rubber Duckie team can beat the Buoys?
"Got to give it up."
So you think that a Timothy victory is inevitable?
"We are the champions, my friend."
All right. Well thank you, Dickie. Do you have anything else to say before we go back to the action?
"You don't bring me flowers anymore."
Whoa, Dickie, this isn't the time or the place. We can talk about that after the game. Hey, they're back on the field, so let's watch.
Fourth Quarter: The Duckies maintained their smiley demeanor during the game's home stretch, and there were moments when that seemed to crack the Timothy defense, as if their opponents childlike innocence was triggering some sort of guilt. They scored a touchdown that put them within reach of victory, but the Buoys recovered and ground out the clock until they safely arrived at the end of the game.
Final Score: Timothy 20, Duckie 14.
"TIMOTHY" WINS THE OLD MAN'S ULTIMATE 70S UNEASY RIDER TOURNAMENT!!!
Our journey has ended with a song that snuck cannibalism onto pop radio being declared the Uneasiest Rider of the 1970s. It is the oddest of the odd, the weirdest of the weird, and it devoured all of its challengers to achieve this feat. This victory has been dedicated to, who else, Timothy, who made the ultimate sacrifice to make all of this possible.
I know the question I hope some of you are asking: "Will you do one of these for the 80s?" The answer is hell yes. I am presently working at finalizing the selections and the brackets, and it will be kicking off very soon. Before then, however, we're headed back to Britain.. See you soon.
First Quarter: Once again, the Duckies start off slow, seeming to only offer previews of what they can do. Timothy and co. accomplish a little more, getting a drive going and setting up a field goal attempt, which they make in spite of not having enough men on the field. Ernie's team took over possession at the end of the quarter, so we'll see if they can get something going after the sides switch ends.
Current Score: Timothy 3, Duckie 0
As we wait for the action to resume, let's talk to our sideline reporters to gauge the mood of the teams. First to the Rubber Duckie sideline and Dickie Goodman.
Dickie, what's the mood over there?
"Everything is beautiful."
So they're staying positive. The Timothy team had been known to pull some trick plays. I understand you asked coach Ernie about that. What did he say?
"Won't get fooled again."
Dickie, this team has impressed us all with the way they have been able to remain a close-knit unit throughout the tournament. Why do you think that is?
"It's a family affair."
I see. There's one of the players beside you. Could you hand him your headset and microphone for a moment? Thanks. Young man, have you thought about what you would do if you happen to win this game?
"I'm gonna buy me all kinds of candy, that's what I'm gonna do."
Very good. Okay, thank you for that report, Dickie. Any further comment?
"Rock on."
We certainly will. All the way to the Timothy sideline and Chuck Berry. Chuck, can you sum up what happened in that quarter from the Buoys' point of view?
This team came from beneath the ground.
They once were lost but now they're found.
But one of their players is still missing
I bet he's off playing with his ding-a-ling-a-ling!
Well, thanks for that, Chuck. It doesn't really answer my question, but no matter, we're ready to start the second quarter.
Second Quarter: The Duckies did take advantage of their first possession of the second period, joyously marching down the field for the game's first touchdown. Their defense also stepped up with tackling so firm it forced audible groans from Buoys ball carriers. But the Timothy team seemed to recognize that things were in danger of becoming hopeless, and they started to come up with some ideas to turn things around near the end of the half, ultimately making another field goal before the break.
Halftime Score: Duckie 7, Timothy 6.
So as expected, not much between the two teams through thirty minutes, meaning that the next thirty or more will be where the championship is decided. For his halftime observations, we turn to our guest analyst, Benny Bell. Benny, how would you sum up the game so far?
"Those miners and that kid named Ernie
In all of them, there is no quit.
Soon one team will be covered in glory
While the other is covered in sh...aving cream,
Be nice and clean,
Shave every day and you'll always look keen."
Thank you, Benny. As always, your comments are entertaining, if not insightful. Well, I see that the halftime show, which featured The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards, a performance by
Third Quarter: The Timothy team came out rejuvenated, as if they'd gotten a jolt of energy and strength from some kind of high-protein meal. The Duckies stuck to their usual second-half strategy of loose, carefree play, but this time, they were pushed aside as the Buoys' grim determination resulted in two touchdowns.
Current Score: Timothy 20, Duckie 7.
Just one quarter left to go in regulation time, and the Buoys' have taken control. Can Ernie and the Duckies clean up their game in these final minutes to squeak out one more win? Before we find out, let's check in with our reporters, who seem to have switched sidelines. So we'll start out with Chuck Berry this time with the Rubber team. Chuck, do you think the squad from Sesame Street have anything left for one last comeback.
"The Duck team's losing, do the math,
But all they want to do is take a bath
Some of them are already undressing
And I can see their ding-a-ling-a-lings."
Thank you Chuck. Now I don't want to accuse you of making things up just to fit your story, but none of our cameras are capturing anyone on that sideline removing their uniforms. But you're right there, so maybe you're getting a better view. Regardless, we now go to the Timothy sideline and Dickie Goodman.
Dickie, how do you explain the way the Timothy team dominated the third quarter?
"Oh, oh, oh, it's magic, you know."
I find that hard to believe. Are you sure their isn't some other explanation?
"I believe in miracles, where you from, you sexy thing?"
All right, I guess we'll never know. From what you see over there, is there any way the Rubber Duckie team can beat the Buoys?
"Got to give it up."
So you think that a Timothy victory is inevitable?
"We are the champions, my friend."
All right. Well thank you, Dickie. Do you have anything else to say before we go back to the action?
"You don't bring me flowers anymore."
Whoa, Dickie, this isn't the time or the place. We can talk about that after the game. Hey, they're back on the field, so let's watch.
Fourth Quarter: The Duckies maintained their smiley demeanor during the game's home stretch, and there were moments when that seemed to crack the Timothy defense, as if their opponents childlike innocence was triggering some sort of guilt. They scored a touchdown that put them within reach of victory, but the Buoys recovered and ground out the clock until they safely arrived at the end of the game.
Final Score: Timothy 20, Duckie 14.
"TIMOTHY" WINS THE OLD MAN'S ULTIMATE 70S UNEASY RIDER TOURNAMENT!!!
Our journey has ended with a song that snuck cannibalism onto pop radio being declared the Uneasiest Rider of the 1970s. It is the oddest of the odd, the weirdest of the weird, and it devoured all of its challengers to achieve this feat. This victory has been dedicated to, who else, Timothy, who made the ultimate sacrifice to make all of this possible.
I know the question I hope some of you are asking: "Will you do one of these for the 80s?" The answer is hell yes. I am presently working at finalizing the selections and the brackets, and it will be kicking off very soon. Before then, however, we're headed back to Britain.. See you soon.
Thursday, August 15, 2019
AOMA: August 3, 1980 Part Two
And in conclusion...
20 - "9 to 5 (Morning Train)," Sheena Easton
The Scotswoman's ode to waiting for her man to come home for work missed the Triple Crown...because of Britain. Yes, it only made it to #3 here. There is no indication whatsoever that she would go on to be one of Prince's muses in this.
19 - "Computer Game," Yellow Magic Orchestra
The Eastern front of the electronic music revolution was led by this Tokyo group, who scored their only major pop hit with this instrumental that evokes the 8-bit soundtracks of video games of the time. It's funky, yet otherworldly. An essential milestone in pop history, and a wonderful Uneasy Rider.
18 - "Oops Upside Your Head," The Gap Band
The first hit here for the Oklahoma funk combo was this George Clinton-inspired groove which contains a couple of Judge Dredd-style nursery rhyme reworkings. The full version is eight-and-a-half-minutes of nonsensical, euphoric madness. Everyone needs to experience it at least once.
17 - "A Lover's Holiday," Change
This Italian disco act picked up the first of their two hits with this dance track that stands out most to me for it's references to "Pitch Black City" and "Alaska Town." Otherwise, it's just an okay attempt to ape Chic.
16 - "Love Will Tear Us Apart," Joy Division
Three months after the suicide of singer Ian Curtis, this Manchester band scored it's first hit with this now-iconic goth-rock portrait of a crumbling relationship. Few songs have captured pain and desperation and hopelessness this completely. The rest of the band would do a lot of great things as New Order, but they never topped this. Then again, few have.
15 - "Lip Up Fatty," Bad Manners
The second hit for the London ska band was this song on which Buster Bloodvessel seems to make fun of his own corpulence. It's bouncy and tuneful, like ska should be. It's not a genre that I can listen to all the time, but when I'm in the mood, it gives me an all-over smile.
14 - "My Way of Thinking," UB40
The second hit for the Birminghammers was this reggae come-on. A nice pop song, with some good saxophone. Mediocre for their early days, but way better than the stuff they did when they just stopped trying to do anything but have humongous hits.
13 - "Let's Hang On," Darts
The last hit for the Brighton doo-wop revivalists was this cover of a 1965 Four Seasons hit. There's some jarring fuzz guitar on it, but otherwise, it's another pointless remake.
12 - "Emotional Rescue," The Rolling Stones
Their first 80s hit was this slinky funk-disco tune on which Mick unleashes his falsetto to a degree he never had before. It works very well, as does his drawn-out Lothario rap at the end. Both the U's made this a Top Ten, but Canada took it all the way. We desevedly swept it up and on to the back of our fine Arab charrr-jerrrrr.
11 - "Wednesday Week," The Undertones
The penultimate hit for possibly my second favourite thing to come out of Derry was this excellent pop song about a fleeting teenage romance. It tells a story, captures a feeling, and engages your tune receptors all at once. It's songs like this that keep people in love with music when they are feeling like it can't speak to them anymore.
10 - "Cupid/I've Loved You for a Long Time," The Detroit Spinners
The soul vets (so labeled here to distinguish them from a British folk outfit) had their second and last hit following the "60s classic paired with Michael Zager original" formula. In this case, the former was Sam Cooke's 1961 hit request for romantic assistance from a mythic baby-god. Overall, I have it behind its predecessor "Workin' My Way Back to You/Forgive Me Girl."
9 - "The Winner Takes it All," ABBA
The Swedes' entered the charts at this height with their eventual eighth #1. a heart-wrenching portrait of the effects of half the group's divorce. It's a great pop song, but if you listen to the lyrics, you might recoil from the brutal emotional honesty. There's a case to be made that they should have broken up the moment they finished recording this. It was what it was all leading up to.
8 - "Jump to the Beat," Stacy Lattisaw
This Washington, D.C. native was only 13 when she had her only Brit hit with this disco-funk plea to allow her to help someone dance their blues away. Her voice is clearly childlike, but it works in the same way that Little Eva's did on the original "Loco-Motion." A worthy hit.
7 - "There There My Dear," Dexy's Midnight Runners
The Brummie band's second Top Ten is this horn-heavy number on which Kevin Rowland seems to be dictating a letter to someone named Robin and dismissing him as a shallow poser. Apparently, this was addressed to the entire music industry. But you'd have to look up the lyrics, because as usual, they're hard to decipher in Rowland's loopy wail. It still somehow makes for a good song, though.
6 - "Could You Be Loved," Bob Marley and the Wailers
The reggae legend's second and last Top Five during Bob's lifetime was this wobbly wonder about staying true to oneself. How could it not be loved?
5 - "Babooshka," Kate Bush
Mad Kate of Kent had her second Top Five with this tale of a wife trying to test her husband's fidelity by posing as another woman. Of course, he loves this new version of her, as he reminds him of his wife before the weight of the world got to her. There's no coda to indicate how this ended for them, and despite my love of closure, I'm okay with that, because it's Kate, and she should always leave you hanging. She's a painter, not a novelist.
4 - "Xanadu," Olivia Newton John and Electric Light Orchestra
The theme to ONJ's roller disco myth movie went Top Ten in North America, but here it gave ELO their only #1. It's meaningless flash that works great as a pop song, but becomes tedious in a film. There's a reason cocaine has fueled more great records than great motion pictures.
3 - "Upside Down," Diana Ross
Miss Ross' collaboration with Nile Rogers scored an "Up to Lexington" by going to #1 in America, #2 here, and #5 in Canada. Respectfully I say to thee, this seems justified.
2 - "More Than I Can Say," Leo Sayer
The man the folks at Chart Music call "The Old Sailor" had his fourth and final #2 with this country-pop cover of a song originated in 1960 by the post-Buddy Holly Crickets. I can express exactly how much I love this: not much at all. I sort of like it, though.
1 - "Use it Up and Wear it Out," Odyssey
The second Brit hit, and only charttopper, for these New Yorkers was this samba-flavoured disco track about vigorous dancing. I was surprised at how limp it was. It's not as flat as "Love is in the Air," but the fact that it even brought that song to mind should tell you it's somewhat funk-challenged. Nothing will be used up or worn out to this.
Next, it's the OMUSURT final. Will it be a song about miners, or a song for minors? Find out soon.
20 - "9 to 5 (Morning Train)," Sheena Easton
The Scotswoman's ode to waiting for her man to come home for work missed the Triple Crown...because of Britain. Yes, it only made it to #3 here. There is no indication whatsoever that she would go on to be one of Prince's muses in this.
19 - "Computer Game," Yellow Magic Orchestra
The Eastern front of the electronic music revolution was led by this Tokyo group, who scored their only major pop hit with this instrumental that evokes the 8-bit soundtracks of video games of the time. It's funky, yet otherworldly. An essential milestone in pop history, and a wonderful Uneasy Rider.
18 - "Oops Upside Your Head," The Gap Band
The first hit here for the Oklahoma funk combo was this George Clinton-inspired groove which contains a couple of Judge Dredd-style nursery rhyme reworkings. The full version is eight-and-a-half-minutes of nonsensical, euphoric madness. Everyone needs to experience it at least once.
17 - "A Lover's Holiday," Change
This Italian disco act picked up the first of their two hits with this dance track that stands out most to me for it's references to "Pitch Black City" and "Alaska Town." Otherwise, it's just an okay attempt to ape Chic.
16 - "Love Will Tear Us Apart," Joy Division
Three months after the suicide of singer Ian Curtis, this Manchester band scored it's first hit with this now-iconic goth-rock portrait of a crumbling relationship. Few songs have captured pain and desperation and hopelessness this completely. The rest of the band would do a lot of great things as New Order, but they never topped this. Then again, few have.
15 - "Lip Up Fatty," Bad Manners
The second hit for the London ska band was this song on which Buster Bloodvessel seems to make fun of his own corpulence. It's bouncy and tuneful, like ska should be. It's not a genre that I can listen to all the time, but when I'm in the mood, it gives me an all-over smile.
14 - "My Way of Thinking," UB40
The second hit for the Birminghammers was this reggae come-on. A nice pop song, with some good saxophone. Mediocre for their early days, but way better than the stuff they did when they just stopped trying to do anything but have humongous hits.
13 - "Let's Hang On," Darts
The last hit for the Brighton doo-wop revivalists was this cover of a 1965 Four Seasons hit. There's some jarring fuzz guitar on it, but otherwise, it's another pointless remake.
12 - "Emotional Rescue," The Rolling Stones
Their first 80s hit was this slinky funk-disco tune on which Mick unleashes his falsetto to a degree he never had before. It works very well, as does his drawn-out Lothario rap at the end. Both the U's made this a Top Ten, but Canada took it all the way. We desevedly swept it up and on to the back of our fine Arab charrr-jerrrrr.
11 - "Wednesday Week," The Undertones
The penultimate hit for possibly my second favourite thing to come out of Derry was this excellent pop song about a fleeting teenage romance. It tells a story, captures a feeling, and engages your tune receptors all at once. It's songs like this that keep people in love with music when they are feeling like it can't speak to them anymore.
10 - "Cupid/I've Loved You for a Long Time," The Detroit Spinners
The soul vets (so labeled here to distinguish them from a British folk outfit) had their second and last hit following the "60s classic paired with Michael Zager original" formula. In this case, the former was Sam Cooke's 1961 hit request for romantic assistance from a mythic baby-god. Overall, I have it behind its predecessor "Workin' My Way Back to You/Forgive Me Girl."
9 - "The Winner Takes it All," ABBA
The Swedes' entered the charts at this height with their eventual eighth #1. a heart-wrenching portrait of the effects of half the group's divorce. It's a great pop song, but if you listen to the lyrics, you might recoil from the brutal emotional honesty. There's a case to be made that they should have broken up the moment they finished recording this. It was what it was all leading up to.
8 - "Jump to the Beat," Stacy Lattisaw
This Washington, D.C. native was only 13 when she had her only Brit hit with this disco-funk plea to allow her to help someone dance their blues away. Her voice is clearly childlike, but it works in the same way that Little Eva's did on the original "Loco-Motion." A worthy hit.
7 - "There There My Dear," Dexy's Midnight Runners
The Brummie band's second Top Ten is this horn-heavy number on which Kevin Rowland seems to be dictating a letter to someone named Robin and dismissing him as a shallow poser. Apparently, this was addressed to the entire music industry. But you'd have to look up the lyrics, because as usual, they're hard to decipher in Rowland's loopy wail. It still somehow makes for a good song, though.
6 - "Could You Be Loved," Bob Marley and the Wailers
The reggae legend's second and last Top Five during Bob's lifetime was this wobbly wonder about staying true to oneself. How could it not be loved?
5 - "Babooshka," Kate Bush
Mad Kate of Kent had her second Top Five with this tale of a wife trying to test her husband's fidelity by posing as another woman. Of course, he loves this new version of her, as he reminds him of his wife before the weight of the world got to her. There's no coda to indicate how this ended for them, and despite my love of closure, I'm okay with that, because it's Kate, and she should always leave you hanging. She's a painter, not a novelist.
4 - "Xanadu," Olivia Newton John and Electric Light Orchestra
The theme to ONJ's roller disco myth movie went Top Ten in North America, but here it gave ELO their only #1. It's meaningless flash that works great as a pop song, but becomes tedious in a film. There's a reason cocaine has fueled more great records than great motion pictures.
3 - "Upside Down," Diana Ross
Miss Ross' collaboration with Nile Rogers scored an "Up to Lexington" by going to #1 in America, #2 here, and #5 in Canada. Respectfully I say to thee, this seems justified.
2 - "More Than I Can Say," Leo Sayer
The man the folks at Chart Music call "The Old Sailor" had his fourth and final #2 with this country-pop cover of a song originated in 1960 by the post-Buddy Holly Crickets. I can express exactly how much I love this: not much at all. I sort of like it, though.
1 - "Use it Up and Wear it Out," Odyssey
The second Brit hit, and only charttopper, for these New Yorkers was this samba-flavoured disco track about vigorous dancing. I was surprised at how limp it was. It's not as flat as "Love is in the Air," but the fact that it even brought that song to mind should tell you it's somewhat funk-challenged. Nothing will be used up or worn out to this.
Next, it's the OMUSURT final. Will it be a song about miners, or a song for minors? Find out soon.
Sunday, August 11, 2019
AOMA: UKT40 August 3, 1980 Part One
Early August 1980. The date of this chart was also the last day of the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow, in which Great Britain, unlike the United States and Canada, participated. Two days before this, runner Sebastian Coe avenged his 800 metre loss to rival countryman Steve Ovett by taking the gold in the 1500 metres. Let's look at the finishing order of the then-current chart race.
40 - "Funkytown," Lipps Inc.
The Minnesota act's electrodisco classic was denied a Triple Crown by one place on this chart. That seems wrong. This is simultaneously cheesy and groundbreaking. Disco wasn't dead yet.
39 - "My Guy/My Girl," Amii Stewart and Johnny Bristol
The "Knock on Wood" and "Hang on In There Baby" combine for a medley of possessive Motown hits originated by Mary Wells and The Temptations respectively. Overproduced to the point of cacophony. These two deserved a better setting.
38 - "Brazilian Love Affair," George Duke
This California singer scored his only hit here with this jazz-funk ode to the women of Rio, Sao Paulo, Brasilia, and all points in between. A breezy evocation of beaches, bikinis, and bliss. Too funky to be doctor's office music.
37 - "To Be on Not to Be," B.A. Robertson
The Glaswegian's third and final Top Ten was this pop-rocker that weaves in Shakespeare references ("Who cares if Hammy made it with his Ma?") and unsexy period come-ons ("Undo my doublet, baby."). A bad attempt to ape the cleverness of Elvis Costello or Nick Lowe. And when he gave up on weak approximations of wit, he gave the world "The Living Years." Blecch.
36 - "Burning Car," John Foxx
This Lancashireman was the lead singer on Ultravox's last three albums, then went solo and released three singles this year that all peaked in the thirties. The last of these was this futurist synth-popper with staccato vocals and inscrutable lyrics. It's a lot like what Gary Numan was doing at the time, but without the songcraft. It makes me picture Mike Myers' Dieter character doing herky-jerky dance moves, but it doesn't work for me in any other context.
35 - "747 (Strangers in the Night)," Saxon
This Barnsley band were among the leading lights of the New Wave of British Heavy Metal, and they scored their second hit with this song that was inspired by a November 1965 incident where a Scandinavian Airlines flight into New York was forced to stay airborne until it almost ran out of fuel due to a power outage at the airport. A catchy, condensed "terror in the sky" thriller.
34 - "Sleepwalk," Ultravox
John Foxx's old band is here with their first hit. It's also synthpop, but much more poppy, which makes the nightmare-describing lyrics go down smoother. They were clearly set to thrive in their new incarnation.
33 - "Sanctuary," New Musik
More synthiness, this time in the form of these Londoners' third and final hit. It's a song about the search for safety. It's okay, but I'm distracted by the way the singer pronounces the title, as if that second "a" isn't there.
32 - "Burnin' Hot," Jermaine Jackson
The #2 man on the Jackson depth chart scored his second hit here with this tepid disco track. There are even whistles. If I had the advice of a then-recent smash by his brother, I would have stopped this after five seconds, because that was sufficient.
31 - "Private Life," Grace Jones
The first hit for the Jamaican model/actress/singer was this sultry cover of a track from the Pretenders' debut LP. I like the original a lot, but the way Grace bitterly speak-sings the verses captures the vibe of the song better. She should have been a much bigger pop star than she was.
30 - "Oh Yeah," Roxy Music
The slicksters' sixth Top Five was this reggae-flavoured ballad about lost love. The soundtrack for the most sophisticated broken hearts. For some reason, I'd like to hear a really good, authentic country cover of this. I think it would work.
29 - "My Girl," The Whispers
The second hit hear for the L.A. soul outfit was this disco version of one half of the Stewart/Bristol medley we covered above. Really, really inessential.
28 - "Does She Have a Friend," Gene Chandler
The Chicagoan best known for "Duke of Earl" had four hits at home between 1962 and 1971, but didn't dent the U.K. charts until going disco. His second and final hit here was this plea to a friend to ask his lady for romantic recommendations. It's cool midtempo soul, and also reminds me a bit of late 70s Bee Gees. A more-than-respectable late-career effort.
27 - "Are You Getting Enough Happiness," Hot Chocolate
The nineteentth hit for the Britfunk vets was this tune about not getting enough...well, they say "happiness," but I think they mean something more specific. No idea what though. A middling effort for these guys.
26 - "Neon Knights," Black Sabbath
The metal pioneers' first hit with Ronnie James Dio was this hard charger about dragons and jackals and "bloodied angels." Not much sense is made, but it sounds good when the guitars and Dio's voice are wailing. A 4 on the Headbangometer.
25 - "Waterfalls," Paul McCartney
Macca's second hit of the 80s was this ballad about not wanting his lover to leave. Why he thinks she would chase polar bears, I don't know. But it's Paul at his heartfelt best. I'd been missing out on this one.
24 - "Funkin' for Jamaica (N.Y.)," Tom Browne
This trumpeter had his one big hit with this funky ode to the Queens neighbourhood in which he grew up. There's some terrific female singing overtop, but the groove is what made it a hit. It could make stone statues shake some booty.
23 - "Mariana," The Gibson Brothers
The fourth and final hit for these Martinique-born Parisians was this disco track distinguished by singer Chris' shouty vocals. It's charming enough that it's English grammatical error "All I can do is dreaming of you" is more than forgiven
22 - "Give Me the Night," George Benson
The Pittsburgh guitarist's smooth invitation to an evening of frivolity was Top 10 in the U's, but didn't even make the Top 20 in Canada. I apologize, Mr. Benson. We missed out.
21 - "Me Myself I," Joan Armatrading
The St. Kitts-born Brummie scored her second hit with this reggae-rock number about how she wants to live a full, exciting life without forming emotional attachments to anyone. I'm not sure that would be a fulfilling existence, but it's a wonderful song that again makes me sad that she wasn't a bigger star.
In Part Two: technological amusement, self-deprecation, and an environmentally unwise instruction
40 - "Funkytown," Lipps Inc.
The Minnesota act's electrodisco classic was denied a Triple Crown by one place on this chart. That seems wrong. This is simultaneously cheesy and groundbreaking. Disco wasn't dead yet.
39 - "My Guy/My Girl," Amii Stewart and Johnny Bristol
The "Knock on Wood" and "Hang on In There Baby" combine for a medley of possessive Motown hits originated by Mary Wells and The Temptations respectively. Overproduced to the point of cacophony. These two deserved a better setting.
38 - "Brazilian Love Affair," George Duke
This California singer scored his only hit here with this jazz-funk ode to the women of Rio, Sao Paulo, Brasilia, and all points in between. A breezy evocation of beaches, bikinis, and bliss. Too funky to be doctor's office music.
37 - "To Be on Not to Be," B.A. Robertson
The Glaswegian's third and final Top Ten was this pop-rocker that weaves in Shakespeare references ("Who cares if Hammy made it with his Ma?") and unsexy period come-ons ("Undo my doublet, baby."). A bad attempt to ape the cleverness of Elvis Costello or Nick Lowe. And when he gave up on weak approximations of wit, he gave the world "The Living Years." Blecch.
36 - "Burning Car," John Foxx
This Lancashireman was the lead singer on Ultravox's last three albums, then went solo and released three singles this year that all peaked in the thirties. The last of these was this futurist synth-popper with staccato vocals and inscrutable lyrics. It's a lot like what Gary Numan was doing at the time, but without the songcraft. It makes me picture Mike Myers' Dieter character doing herky-jerky dance moves, but it doesn't work for me in any other context.
35 - "747 (Strangers in the Night)," Saxon
This Barnsley band were among the leading lights of the New Wave of British Heavy Metal, and they scored their second hit with this song that was inspired by a November 1965 incident where a Scandinavian Airlines flight into New York was forced to stay airborne until it almost ran out of fuel due to a power outage at the airport. A catchy, condensed "terror in the sky" thriller.
34 - "Sleepwalk," Ultravox
John Foxx's old band is here with their first hit. It's also synthpop, but much more poppy, which makes the nightmare-describing lyrics go down smoother. They were clearly set to thrive in their new incarnation.
33 - "Sanctuary," New Musik
More synthiness, this time in the form of these Londoners' third and final hit. It's a song about the search for safety. It's okay, but I'm distracted by the way the singer pronounces the title, as if that second "a" isn't there.
32 - "Burnin' Hot," Jermaine Jackson
The #2 man on the Jackson depth chart scored his second hit here with this tepid disco track. There are even whistles. If I had the advice of a then-recent smash by his brother, I would have stopped this after five seconds, because that was sufficient.
31 - "Private Life," Grace Jones
The first hit for the Jamaican model/actress/singer was this sultry cover of a track from the Pretenders' debut LP. I like the original a lot, but the way Grace bitterly speak-sings the verses captures the vibe of the song better. She should have been a much bigger pop star than she was.
30 - "Oh Yeah," Roxy Music
The slicksters' sixth Top Five was this reggae-flavoured ballad about lost love. The soundtrack for the most sophisticated broken hearts. For some reason, I'd like to hear a really good, authentic country cover of this. I think it would work.
29 - "My Girl," The Whispers
The second hit hear for the L.A. soul outfit was this disco version of one half of the Stewart/Bristol medley we covered above. Really, really inessential.
28 - "Does She Have a Friend," Gene Chandler
The Chicagoan best known for "Duke of Earl" had four hits at home between 1962 and 1971, but didn't dent the U.K. charts until going disco. His second and final hit here was this plea to a friend to ask his lady for romantic recommendations. It's cool midtempo soul, and also reminds me a bit of late 70s Bee Gees. A more-than-respectable late-career effort.
27 - "Are You Getting Enough Happiness," Hot Chocolate
The nineteentth hit for the Britfunk vets was this tune about not getting enough...well, they say "happiness," but I think they mean something more specific. No idea what though. A middling effort for these guys.
26 - "Neon Knights," Black Sabbath
The metal pioneers' first hit with Ronnie James Dio was this hard charger about dragons and jackals and "bloodied angels." Not much sense is made, but it sounds good when the guitars and Dio's voice are wailing. A 4 on the Headbangometer.
25 - "Waterfalls," Paul McCartney
Macca's second hit of the 80s was this ballad about not wanting his lover to leave. Why he thinks she would chase polar bears, I don't know. But it's Paul at his heartfelt best. I'd been missing out on this one.
24 - "Funkin' for Jamaica (N.Y.)," Tom Browne
This trumpeter had his one big hit with this funky ode to the Queens neighbourhood in which he grew up. There's some terrific female singing overtop, but the groove is what made it a hit. It could make stone statues shake some booty.
23 - "Mariana," The Gibson Brothers
The fourth and final hit for these Martinique-born Parisians was this disco track distinguished by singer Chris' shouty vocals. It's charming enough that it's English grammatical error "All I can do is dreaming of you" is more than forgiven
22 - "Give Me the Night," George Benson
The Pittsburgh guitarist's smooth invitation to an evening of frivolity was Top 10 in the U's, but didn't even make the Top 20 in Canada. I apologize, Mr. Benson. We missed out.
21 - "Me Myself I," Joan Armatrading
The St. Kitts-born Brummie scored her second hit with this reggae-rock number about how she wants to live a full, exciting life without forming emotional attachments to anyone. I'm not sure that would be a fulfilling existence, but it's a wonderful song that again makes me sad that she wasn't a bigger star.
In Part Two: technological amusement, self-deprecation, and an environmentally unwise instruction
Thursday, August 8, 2019
...And as Years Go By: CT50 July 28, 1973
Summer 1973 in Canada. In August, Canada's first Pride Week was celebrated in multiple cities across the country. This has had great influence on the society in which we live now. Let's see what, if any, lasting impact the songs of the day have had.
Bonus Track: 52 - "Dance a Little Step," Mashmakhan (CanCon!)
This Montreal band, named for a strain of hashish, broke through when their Middle Eastern-influenced "As the Years Go By" went to #1 and cracked the Top 40 in the States in 1970. They had scattered success after that, and they managed their final hit with this jittery rocker about loosening up and getting moving. Catchy, but forgettable. But their big hit is still an intriguing listen, and might have had something to do with the naming of this feature.
50 - "Gypsy Davy," Arlo Guthrie
Woody's son charted here with this version of a folk ballad about a noblewoman who runs off with a Roma traveler and refuses to let her husband take her back. It's given a light pop production, but that seems to fit the idea of freedom from restrictive wealth. Though I wonder what Woody's version sounds like.
48 - "My Merry-Go-Round," Johnny Nash
The Houstonian's follow up to the Triple Crown-winning "I Can See Clearly Now" was this pop ballad about returning to a time of childlike innocence. Passionately delivered, but not a great song, so I have no qualms with the fact that it flopped.
45 - "Rosalie," Michael Tarry (CanCon!)
Manchester-born Michael Terry McDermott moved to Canada in the 50s, and made his biggest impact on our charts with this Top Ten about a man's failure to spark a romance with the ballet dancer who lived on the floor above him. I don't hear much in it, other than a less-substantive Harry Chapin story song/
44 - "It Wouldn't Have Made Any Difference," Tom Middleton (CanCon!)
The only Top Ten for this singer from Victoria, BC was this cover of a Todd Rundgren song about giving up on trying to please a lover. A great song. and a decent soft-rock take on it. But I imagine the Rundgren original is better. I should probably listen to the whole Something/Anything album some time. If this, "Hello It's Me" and "I Saw the Light" are any indication, it's right in my wheelhouse.
43 - "Living Without You," Creamcheeze Goodtime Band (CanCon!)
This group from Perth County, Ontario had their biggest success with this folky, Neil Young-ish tune about loneliness. A very good sad song. This is the kind of stuff Terry Jacks and The Poppy Family tried to do, only much, much better.
42 - "He Did With Me," Vicki Lawrence
The followup to the Carol Burnett Show player's cross-border #1 "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" was this number about a woman talking to her ex's new lover about how all the promises he made to her have been previously made, and broken, to another. An exemplary country song, but it only got this high here and stalled in the 70s at home. It did go to #1 in Australia, and for that I give a hearty "Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi Oi Oi!"
40 - "Sitting on a Poor Man's Throne," Copperpenny (CanCon!)
Contrary to what I said a few months ago, this was the Kitchener band's biggest hit. It's a soul-rock poverty lament. It reminds me of the stuff the Temptations were doing around this time. A nice little forgotten gem.
35 - "Block Buster," Sweet
This was the London glam fixtures' only #1 at home. It missed the Top 40 by a lot in the States, but scraped into the Top 30 here. It's a stomping rocker about trying to stop a nefarious cad named Buster. To block him, if you will. It uses the same blues riff that Bowie's "Jean Genie" was built on, but it has its own charms.
32 - "Bongo Rock '73," The Incredible Bongo Band (CanCon!*)
This instrumental track, a cover of a 1959 instrumental by Oklahoma percussionist Preston Epps, was recorded by a group of studio musicians assembled in Los Angeles by producer Michael Viner for a horror movie called The Thing With Two Heads. It only reached #57 in the States, but here it went Top 20, assisted by a dubious ConCan certification caused by the fact that much of the album it came from was recorded in Vancouver. This is fun and funky, but it's not as famous as the same LP's "Apache," which has been sampled so many times it is sometimes referred to as the national anthem of hip-hop.
30 - "Farmer's Song," Murray McLauchlan
Murray Mac's first and biggest hit was this country-folk tribute to the farmers who put food on all of our tables. A sincere ode to people who wear "straw hat and old dirty hankies," and a fun singalong to boot. This is definitely a Certified CanCon Classic.
29 - "Moonshine (Friend of Mine)," John Kay
The biggest solo hit by German-born, Waterloo-raised Joachim Krauledat, founder and singer of Steppenwolf, was this easygoing country drinking song. Not much to it, but appealing enough.
28 - "All Things Come From God," Tony Kosinec (CanCon!)
The biggest hit for this Toronto singer-songwriter was this pop-rock ode to the Almighty. It caught the tail-end of the early-70s Christian-pop boom, but it's a solid entry, with a suitably epic feel. Worth a listen.
27 - "Cry Your Eyes Out," Les Emmerson (CanCon!)
The second solo hit for the leader of Ottawa's Five Man Electrical band was this bubblegummy pop message to an ex that they will end up back together. The guitar solo is kinda rockin', but otherwise, this would not have sounded out of place on a David Cassidy album. But I do like the whistling at the end.
25 - "Minstrel Gypsy," Stampeders (CanCon!)
The Calgarians' sixth Top Ten was this country-rock ballad about a musician missing his lover while on the road. Both the narrator and the theme are well-traveled, and this is about average. But it sounds to me like the singer is trying to do a Burton Cummings impression for some reason.
23 - "Carry On," Cliff and Ann Edwards (CanCon!)
I can't find this song, but I've deduced it's by two members of The Bells, the South Africans-turned-Canadians who gave the world 1971's creepy sex ballad "Stay Awhile." What's weird is that even though he married Ann, his duet partner on "Stay Awhile" was her sister Jackie. That makes things even creepier. I'm guessing this song is less disturbing, because it would be hard for it not to be.
21 - "Roll Over Beethoven," Electric Light Orchestra
ELO's second hit at home and first here was a cover of the Chuck Berry rock standard, which cheekily opens with a bit of Ludwig Van's fifth symphony and interpolates parts of it during the instrumental break. An apt introduction to the band's approach, and a fun record as well.
14 - "Glamour Boy," The Guess Who (CanCon!)
One of their songs that only charted at home, this is a piano ballad that Burton Cummings wrote about David Bowie. It seems to criticize the glam approach of theatrics being as or more important than the music, but apparently, Burton learned to appreciate Bowie over the years, and now performs the song in concert as a tribute. Whether you agree with its tone, it's clearly a well-written song, and I appreciate it on that level very much.
10 - "Give Me Love (Give Me Peace on Earth)," George Harrison
The smart Beatle's sequel/extension to "My Sweet Lord" was a #1 in the States, but stalled in the low Top Ten in the other Crown countries. I don't feel like either outcome is worth getting upset about. George probably felt the same.
9 - "Get Down," Gilbert O'Sullivan
Gil's number about a girl or a dog went top in the U.K., and Top Ten in North America. Never liked it, but I'm now even more offended having seen the single cover. No one need to see that man with his shirt open.
8 - "Playground in My Mind," Clint Holmes
The sing-songy kiddie novelty went to #1 here, while being held to #2 in the States. What that says about us at this time, I'm not sure.
7 - "Kodachrome," Paul Simon
Paul's paean to cameras and nostalgia was a cross-border #2. I wonder if , as punishment for not hitting #1, his mama did take his Kodachrome away.
6 - "Will it Go Round in Circles," Billy Preston
The Fifth Beatle's cross-border charttopper about things that are missing something. He certainly isn't talking about this song. It laps your brain beautifully.
5 - "Smoke on the Water," Deep Purple
The North American Top Five riff delivery system about a fire in Switzerland. For some reason, I am hungry for a candy bar. I think I'll eat a Mounds.
4 - "Shambala," Three Dog Night
Again, a Top Five on this side of the pond that didn't chart on the other side. It has become my favorite 3DN. It relaxes me. I want to go there.
3 - "Monster Mash," Bobby "Boris" Pickett
Tbe Halloween perennial's surprise return to the charts netted a Triple Top Ten. Throw Dracula a bone and do a Transylvania Twist next time you hear it.
2 - "Yesterday Once More," Carpenters
The U's pushed this to #2, but we made this wistful appreciation of oldies but goodies a #1. Good on us. Karen still shines to this day.
1 - "Bad Bad Leroy Brown," Jim Croce
The piano-boogie ode to a badass who gets taken down over a woman was a North American #1 that, yes, didn't chart in Britain. Was this a particularly frosty time for transatlantic musical relations. Maybe. Possibly because American gatekeepers were squicked out by glam fashion?
Bonus Track: 52 - "Dance a Little Step," Mashmakhan (CanCon!)
This Montreal band, named for a strain of hashish, broke through when their Middle Eastern-influenced "As the Years Go By" went to #1 and cracked the Top 40 in the States in 1970. They had scattered success after that, and they managed their final hit with this jittery rocker about loosening up and getting moving. Catchy, but forgettable. But their big hit is still an intriguing listen, and might have had something to do with the naming of this feature.
50 - "Gypsy Davy," Arlo Guthrie
Woody's son charted here with this version of a folk ballad about a noblewoman who runs off with a Roma traveler and refuses to let her husband take her back. It's given a light pop production, but that seems to fit the idea of freedom from restrictive wealth. Though I wonder what Woody's version sounds like.
48 - "My Merry-Go-Round," Johnny Nash
The Houstonian's follow up to the Triple Crown-winning "I Can See Clearly Now" was this pop ballad about returning to a time of childlike innocence. Passionately delivered, but not a great song, so I have no qualms with the fact that it flopped.
45 - "Rosalie," Michael Tarry (CanCon!)
Manchester-born Michael Terry McDermott moved to Canada in the 50s, and made his biggest impact on our charts with this Top Ten about a man's failure to spark a romance with the ballet dancer who lived on the floor above him. I don't hear much in it, other than a less-substantive Harry Chapin story song/
44 - "It Wouldn't Have Made Any Difference," Tom Middleton (CanCon!)
The only Top Ten for this singer from Victoria, BC was this cover of a Todd Rundgren song about giving up on trying to please a lover. A great song. and a decent soft-rock take on it. But I imagine the Rundgren original is better. I should probably listen to the whole Something/Anything album some time. If this, "Hello It's Me" and "I Saw the Light" are any indication, it's right in my wheelhouse.
43 - "Living Without You," Creamcheeze Goodtime Band (CanCon!)
This group from Perth County, Ontario had their biggest success with this folky, Neil Young-ish tune about loneliness. A very good sad song. This is the kind of stuff Terry Jacks and The Poppy Family tried to do, only much, much better.
42 - "He Did With Me," Vicki Lawrence
The followup to the Carol Burnett Show player's cross-border #1 "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" was this number about a woman talking to her ex's new lover about how all the promises he made to her have been previously made, and broken, to another. An exemplary country song, but it only got this high here and stalled in the 70s at home. It did go to #1 in Australia, and for that I give a hearty "Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi Oi Oi!"
40 - "Sitting on a Poor Man's Throne," Copperpenny (CanCon!)
Contrary to what I said a few months ago, this was the Kitchener band's biggest hit. It's a soul-rock poverty lament. It reminds me of the stuff the Temptations were doing around this time. A nice little forgotten gem.
35 - "Block Buster," Sweet
This was the London glam fixtures' only #1 at home. It missed the Top 40 by a lot in the States, but scraped into the Top 30 here. It's a stomping rocker about trying to stop a nefarious cad named Buster. To block him, if you will. It uses the same blues riff that Bowie's "Jean Genie" was built on, but it has its own charms.
32 - "Bongo Rock '73," The Incredible Bongo Band (CanCon!*)
This instrumental track, a cover of a 1959 instrumental by Oklahoma percussionist Preston Epps, was recorded by a group of studio musicians assembled in Los Angeles by producer Michael Viner for a horror movie called The Thing With Two Heads. It only reached #57 in the States, but here it went Top 20, assisted by a dubious ConCan certification caused by the fact that much of the album it came from was recorded in Vancouver. This is fun and funky, but it's not as famous as the same LP's "Apache," which has been sampled so many times it is sometimes referred to as the national anthem of hip-hop.
30 - "Farmer's Song," Murray McLauchlan
Murray Mac's first and biggest hit was this country-folk tribute to the farmers who put food on all of our tables. A sincere ode to people who wear "straw hat and old dirty hankies," and a fun singalong to boot. This is definitely a Certified CanCon Classic.
29 - "Moonshine (Friend of Mine)," John Kay
The biggest solo hit by German-born, Waterloo-raised Joachim Krauledat, founder and singer of Steppenwolf, was this easygoing country drinking song. Not much to it, but appealing enough.
28 - "All Things Come From God," Tony Kosinec (CanCon!)
The biggest hit for this Toronto singer-songwriter was this pop-rock ode to the Almighty. It caught the tail-end of the early-70s Christian-pop boom, but it's a solid entry, with a suitably epic feel. Worth a listen.
27 - "Cry Your Eyes Out," Les Emmerson (CanCon!)
The second solo hit for the leader of Ottawa's Five Man Electrical band was this bubblegummy pop message to an ex that they will end up back together. The guitar solo is kinda rockin', but otherwise, this would not have sounded out of place on a David Cassidy album. But I do like the whistling at the end.
25 - "Minstrel Gypsy," Stampeders (CanCon!)
The Calgarians' sixth Top Ten was this country-rock ballad about a musician missing his lover while on the road. Both the narrator and the theme are well-traveled, and this is about average. But it sounds to me like the singer is trying to do a Burton Cummings impression for some reason.
23 - "Carry On," Cliff and Ann Edwards (CanCon!)
I can't find this song, but I've deduced it's by two members of The Bells, the South Africans-turned-Canadians who gave the world 1971's creepy sex ballad "Stay Awhile." What's weird is that even though he married Ann, his duet partner on "Stay Awhile" was her sister Jackie. That makes things even creepier. I'm guessing this song is less disturbing, because it would be hard for it not to be.
21 - "Roll Over Beethoven," Electric Light Orchestra
ELO's second hit at home and first here was a cover of the Chuck Berry rock standard, which cheekily opens with a bit of Ludwig Van's fifth symphony and interpolates parts of it during the instrumental break. An apt introduction to the band's approach, and a fun record as well.
14 - "Glamour Boy," The Guess Who (CanCon!)
One of their songs that only charted at home, this is a piano ballad that Burton Cummings wrote about David Bowie. It seems to criticize the glam approach of theatrics being as or more important than the music, but apparently, Burton learned to appreciate Bowie over the years, and now performs the song in concert as a tribute. Whether you agree with its tone, it's clearly a well-written song, and I appreciate it on that level very much.
10 - "Give Me Love (Give Me Peace on Earth)," George Harrison
The smart Beatle's sequel/extension to "My Sweet Lord" was a #1 in the States, but stalled in the low Top Ten in the other Crown countries. I don't feel like either outcome is worth getting upset about. George probably felt the same.
9 - "Get Down," Gilbert O'Sullivan
Gil's number about a girl or a dog went top in the U.K., and Top Ten in North America. Never liked it, but I'm now even more offended having seen the single cover. No one need to see that man with his shirt open.
8 - "Playground in My Mind," Clint Holmes
The sing-songy kiddie novelty went to #1 here, while being held to #2 in the States. What that says about us at this time, I'm not sure.
7 - "Kodachrome," Paul Simon
Paul's paean to cameras and nostalgia was a cross-border #2. I wonder if , as punishment for not hitting #1, his mama did take his Kodachrome away.
6 - "Will it Go Round in Circles," Billy Preston
The Fifth Beatle's cross-border charttopper about things that are missing something. He certainly isn't talking about this song. It laps your brain beautifully.
5 - "Smoke on the Water," Deep Purple
The North American Top Five riff delivery system about a fire in Switzerland. For some reason, I am hungry for a candy bar. I think I'll eat a Mounds.
4 - "Shambala," Three Dog Night
Again, a Top Five on this side of the pond that didn't chart on the other side. It has become my favorite 3DN. It relaxes me. I want to go there.
3 - "Monster Mash," Bobby "Boris" Pickett
Tbe Halloween perennial's surprise return to the charts netted a Triple Top Ten. Throw Dracula a bone and do a Transylvania Twist next time you hear it.
2 - "Yesterday Once More," Carpenters
The U's pushed this to #2, but we made this wistful appreciation of oldies but goodies a #1. Good on us. Karen still shines to this day.
1 - "Bad Bad Leroy Brown," Jim Croce
The piano-boogie ode to a badass who gets taken down over a woman was a North American #1 that, yes, didn't chart in Britain. Was this a particularly frosty time for transatlantic musical relations. Maybe. Possibly because American gatekeepers were squicked out by glam fashion?
Thursday, August 1, 2019
The OMUSURT: The Semifinals
And now we're down to four oddball hits. Who gets to stick around for the freaky finale? Let's find out.
THE TRAGEDY COULD HAVE BEEN AVERTED IF THOSE SMUG FOREIGN BASTARDS HAD GIVEN TO THE AMERICAN RED CROSS BOWL
"Timothy," The Buoys, 1971
vs. "The Americans," Byron MacGregor, 1974
HOW THEY GOT HERE
TIMOTHY
Chart Peak: 17
Round 1: Defeated “Freddie’s Dead” 49-10 (The Dead Men Had Names Bowl)
Round 2: Defeated “Run Joey Run” 55-6 (God What Did They Do Bowl)
Round 3: Defeated “Angie Baby” 63-56 (Mysterious Disappearance Bowl
Round 4: Defeated “D.O.A.” 24-23 (Death in the Air and Below the Ground Bowl)
Round 5: Defeated “The Lord’s Prayer,” 14-7 (Praying for Rescue Bowl)
Round 6: Defeated "King Heroin," 37-31 (OT) (Things You Shouldn't Put in Your Body Bowl)
THE AMERICANS
Chart Peak: 4
Round 1: Defeated “The Americans” 50-30 (He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Neighbour, Even Though He Spells Neighbour Without the U Bowl)
Round 2: Defeated “Give Ireland Back to the Irish” 45-12 (Opinionated Outsider Bowl)
Round 3: Defeated “I Am Woman” 42-21 (Hear Them Roar Bowl)
Round 4: Defeated “What the World Needs Now is Love/Abraham, Martin and John” 38-14 (Give the U.S. Some Sugar Bowl)
Round 5: Defeated “Convention ‘72” 31-24 (Yankee Doodle Dandies Bowl)
Round 6: Defeated "Tubular Bells" 38-31 (Don't Demonize Me Bro Bowl)
First Half: It was a defensive stalemate. These two teams play with chips on their shoulders, and neither could break the other down sufficiently to create many openings. One inspired late play by the Timothy team set up a long field goal attempt, but it came up just short.
Halftime Score: Timothy 0, Americans 0
Second Half: The play remaigned tight until halfway through the third quarter, when the Buoys seemed suddenly shot through with energy and life. The Americans, used to having worn down opponents by the late stages of the game, were unable to comefrom behind, and shots of their sideline for the remainder of the game showed a lot of whining and finger-pointing.
Final Score: Timothy 21, Americans 0. The losing team's bitterness continued into the postgame press conference, during which their coach felt that it was unfair how people were talking about the loss instead of the six glorious victories that had come before, and about how France or Germany couldn't have won all those games. But eventually, he was speaking to an empty room, as the media turned their attention to the winners and how they survived yet again. Do they have one more miracle left in them?
THE BEELZEBUB HAS DRAWN A BATH FOR ME BOWL
"Rubber Duckie," Ernie, 1970
vs. "Bohemian Rhapsody," Queen, 1975
HOW THEY GOT HERE
RUBBER DUCKIE
Chart Peak: 16
Round 1: Defeated “Disco Duck” 35-21 (Quack Attack Bowl)
Round 2: Defeated “Rainbow Connection” 21-17 (Jim Henson Memorial Bowl)
Round 3: Defeated “Teddy Bear” 28-6 (Toy Animals Bowl)
Round 4: Defeated “Funky Worm” 45-24 (The Clean and the Dirty Bowl)
Round 5: Defeated “Muskrat Love” 28-21 (Fowl Rodents Bowl)
Round 6: Defeated "The Streak" 44- (Birthday Suit Bowl)
BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY
Chart Peak: 9
Round 1: Defeated “Summer Nights” 40-13 (Big Production Number Bowl)
Round 2: Defeated “Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey” 49-10 (We’re So Sorry We Just Killed a Man Bowl)
Round 3: Defeated “Junk Food Junkie” 55-3 (I See a Little Silhouette of a Can of Dr. Pepper Bowl)
Round 4: Defeated “American Pie” 22-19 (2OT) (The Queen Sang Along with the Jester Bowl)
Round 5: Defeated “The King is Gone,” 30-10 (Ruling Couple Bowl)
Round 6: Defeated "The Battle Hymn of Lt. Calley" 31-20 (You Just Killed A Man? Hold My Beer Bowl)
First Half: A tentative start, with the Duckies seemingly still in preparation mode at kickoff, while the Bohemians seemed to be contemplating the nature of the game rather than actually playing it. But things picked up late in the first quarter, an both teams found the end zone. Queen scored first on a a quick, stunning strike, but Ernie's side managed to methodically squeeze out an equalizer near the end of the half. The teams' contrasting approaches have produced an even contest to this point/
Halftime Score: Duckie 7. Bohemian 7
Second Half: The Duckies came out with the unusual strategy of playfully targeting certain body parts of their opponents. At first, this tactic seemed silly and childish, but it turned out to be brilliant, as the Bohemians, used to being able to channel their defiance against enemy aggression, did not know how to respond to an adversary who was just playing the game to have fun. They did not feel stoned and spat upon, and thus they were disarmed. They managed a couple of late touchdowns, but some felt like Ernie all but allowed those two scores to happen in the interest of imparting a message about sharing to his assistant coach, a fellow simply known as Bert.
Final Score: Duckie 35, Bohemian 21. Cute yellow chubbiness won the day over murderous nihilism. The Queen team was charmed to the point where their mercurial star quarterback was caught on camera telling Ernie "You're my best friend." Later, he said he was so changed by this experience that, in the interest of sportsmanship, he would sing a special song for the champions after the tournament final. Once again, the ducks prove their might.
And so the final is set. The Buoys and their tale of overcoming adversity by any means necessary will face Ernie and his song about how personal hygiene can be fun. There were other songs that people thought might get this far, but both of these were on the consensus list of title contenders, and are unquestionably worthy of being called the decade's Uneasiest Rider. Who will prevail? We will learn soon, but first, among other things, it's time for another trip to Canada. Stay tuned for that, true believers.
THE TRAGEDY COULD HAVE BEEN AVERTED IF THOSE SMUG FOREIGN BASTARDS HAD GIVEN TO THE AMERICAN RED CROSS BOWL
"Timothy," The Buoys, 1971
vs. "The Americans," Byron MacGregor, 1974
HOW THEY GOT HERE
TIMOTHY
Chart Peak: 17
Round 1: Defeated “Freddie’s Dead” 49-10 (The Dead Men Had Names Bowl)
Round 2: Defeated “Run Joey Run” 55-6 (God What Did They Do Bowl)
Round 3: Defeated “Angie Baby” 63-56 (Mysterious Disappearance Bowl
Round 4: Defeated “D.O.A.” 24-23 (Death in the Air and Below the Ground Bowl)
Round 5: Defeated “The Lord’s Prayer,” 14-7 (Praying for Rescue Bowl)
Round 6: Defeated "King Heroin," 37-31 (OT) (Things You Shouldn't Put in Your Body Bowl)
THE AMERICANS
Chart Peak: 4
Round 1: Defeated “The Americans” 50-30 (He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Neighbour, Even Though He Spells Neighbour Without the U Bowl)
Round 2: Defeated “Give Ireland Back to the Irish” 45-12 (Opinionated Outsider Bowl)
Round 3: Defeated “I Am Woman” 42-21 (Hear Them Roar Bowl)
Round 4: Defeated “What the World Needs Now is Love/Abraham, Martin and John” 38-14 (Give the U.S. Some Sugar Bowl)
Round 5: Defeated “Convention ‘72” 31-24 (Yankee Doodle Dandies Bowl)
Round 6: Defeated "Tubular Bells" 38-31 (Don't Demonize Me Bro Bowl)
First Half: It was a defensive stalemate. These two teams play with chips on their shoulders, and neither could break the other down sufficiently to create many openings. One inspired late play by the Timothy team set up a long field goal attempt, but it came up just short.
Halftime Score: Timothy 0, Americans 0
Second Half: The play remaigned tight until halfway through the third quarter, when the Buoys seemed suddenly shot through with energy and life. The Americans, used to having worn down opponents by the late stages of the game, were unable to comefrom behind, and shots of their sideline for the remainder of the game showed a lot of whining and finger-pointing.
Final Score: Timothy 21, Americans 0. The losing team's bitterness continued into the postgame press conference, during which their coach felt that it was unfair how people were talking about the loss instead of the six glorious victories that had come before, and about how France or Germany couldn't have won all those games. But eventually, he was speaking to an empty room, as the media turned their attention to the winners and how they survived yet again. Do they have one more miracle left in them?
THE BEELZEBUB HAS DRAWN A BATH FOR ME BOWL
"Rubber Duckie," Ernie, 1970
vs. "Bohemian Rhapsody," Queen, 1975
HOW THEY GOT HERE
RUBBER DUCKIE
Chart Peak: 16
Round 1: Defeated “Disco Duck” 35-21 (Quack Attack Bowl)
Round 2: Defeated “Rainbow Connection” 21-17 (Jim Henson Memorial Bowl)
Round 3: Defeated “Teddy Bear” 28-6 (Toy Animals Bowl)
Round 4: Defeated “Funky Worm” 45-24 (The Clean and the Dirty Bowl)
Round 5: Defeated “Muskrat Love” 28-21 (Fowl Rodents Bowl)
Round 6: Defeated "The Streak" 44- (Birthday Suit Bowl)
BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY
Chart Peak: 9
Round 1: Defeated “Summer Nights” 40-13 (Big Production Number Bowl)
Round 2: Defeated “Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey” 49-10 (We’re So Sorry We Just Killed a Man Bowl)
Round 3: Defeated “Junk Food Junkie” 55-3 (I See a Little Silhouette of a Can of Dr. Pepper Bowl)
Round 4: Defeated “American Pie” 22-19 (2OT) (The Queen Sang Along with the Jester Bowl)
Round 5: Defeated “The King is Gone,” 30-10 (Ruling Couple Bowl)
Round 6: Defeated "The Battle Hymn of Lt. Calley" 31-20 (You Just Killed A Man? Hold My Beer Bowl)
First Half: A tentative start, with the Duckies seemingly still in preparation mode at kickoff, while the Bohemians seemed to be contemplating the nature of the game rather than actually playing it. But things picked up late in the first quarter, an both teams found the end zone. Queen scored first on a a quick, stunning strike, but Ernie's side managed to methodically squeeze out an equalizer near the end of the half. The teams' contrasting approaches have produced an even contest to this point/
Halftime Score: Duckie 7. Bohemian 7
Second Half: The Duckies came out with the unusual strategy of playfully targeting certain body parts of their opponents. At first, this tactic seemed silly and childish, but it turned out to be brilliant, as the Bohemians, used to being able to channel their defiance against enemy aggression, did not know how to respond to an adversary who was just playing the game to have fun. They did not feel stoned and spat upon, and thus they were disarmed. They managed a couple of late touchdowns, but some felt like Ernie all but allowed those two scores to happen in the interest of imparting a message about sharing to his assistant coach, a fellow simply known as Bert.
Final Score: Duckie 35, Bohemian 21. Cute yellow chubbiness won the day over murderous nihilism. The Queen team was charmed to the point where their mercurial star quarterback was caught on camera telling Ernie "You're my best friend." Later, he said he was so changed by this experience that, in the interest of sportsmanship, he would sing a special song for the champions after the tournament final. Once again, the ducks prove their might.
And so the final is set. The Buoys and their tale of overcoming adversity by any means necessary will face Ernie and his song about how personal hygiene can be fun. There were other songs that people thought might get this far, but both of these were on the consensus list of title contenders, and are unquestionably worthy of being called the decade's Uneasiest Rider. Who will prevail? We will learn soon, but first, among other things, it's time for another trip to Canada. Stay tuned for that, true believers.
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