An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 February 14, 1976

More of this '76.

20 - "King of the Cops," Billy Howard

TV impressionist Howard had a surprise hit with this parody of Roger Miller's "King of the Road," in which the stars of American detective shows McCloud, Columbo, Hawaii Five-O, Cannon, and Ironside debate who among them is the best.  It ends with Kojak arresting them all.  Silly and strange, which makes it a consummate Uneasy Rider.

19 - "Squeeze Box," The Who

The legends' dirty joke that some still claim is an innocent celebration of a woman's accordion skills only got its deserving #1 in Canada.  Yes, it really is always the quiet ones,

18 - "Sunshine Day," Osibisa 

This London group made up of expatriate African and Caribbean musicians had the first and biggest of two hits with this jaunty bit of harmony promotion.  Very reminiscent of Santana and War, but pretty great in its own right.

17 - "Moonlight Serenade/Little Brown Jug/In the Mood," Glenn Miller

Over thirty years after his disappearance over the English Channel in 1944, the Iowa-born trombonist and bandleader hit the Top Twenty with a medley of three of his most popular tunes: an iconic slow-dance ballad, a swinging instrumental version of an 1869 Pennsylvania drinking song, and the song that became his signature.  Nothing more to say than
you've heard them, and life would be different without them.

16 - "Bohemian Rhapsody," Queen 

The song that captured on its own what the entire prog-rock genre failed two scored two-thirds of the Triple Crown, with only America denying it. Beelzebub has a devil put aside for them.

15 - "Low Rider," War

It wasn't until their tenth American hit that these guys got one over here with their famed ode to particularly customized classic cars.  Well, wars do usually take a while.

14 - "Itchycoo Park," The Small Faces

The band that got less small when Rod Stewart and Jeff Beck joined them hit the Top Ten again with a re-release of their 1967 hit about going to a park to get high and feed ducks.  I don't know if it's "too beautiful," but it's pretty damn great.

13 - "Midnight Rider," Paul Davidson

The biggest international hit for this Jamaican was a reggae cover of a 1970 Allman Brothers track about escaping to the freedom of the open road.  It surprisingly transfers well from southern rock to this genre.

12 - "Baby Face," Wing and a Prayer Fife and Drum Corps

The disco version of a 1926 song that Al Jolson frequently performed was a transatlantic Top Twenty.  But you would need to shove me quite hard to make me listen to it again.

11 - "Evil Woman," The Electric Light Orchestra 

Their third Top Ten here was this song about a woman who...I ain't saying she's a gold digger, but...And to me, that repeated riff on the chorus is an underrated air guitar jam.  At least I think that's guitar.

Going in switch with a goofy-footed Top Ten.

10 - "Walk Away from Love," David Ruffin

The biggest solo hit for the ex-Temptation was this Van McCoy-produced disco soul number about breaking someone's heart before they can break yours.  "Sumptuous" is the word this brings to mind.

9 - "Answer Me," Barbara Dickson

The first hit for this Scotswoman was a bland pop cover of the anglicizeday version of a 1952 German song about wanting to know why a lover left.  That's a no from me.

8 - "Rodrigo's Guitar Concerto de Aranjuez," Manuel and the Music of the Mountains

Yorkshire bandleader Geoffrey Love had been active since the 1930s, and had been intermittently scoring hits under this exotic pseudonym since 1959.  His last such success was this version of the second movement of a piece written in 1939 by Spanish composer Joaquin Rodrigo.  It just seemed pretty and non-descript here, but perhaps I'd like Miles Davis' version better.

7 - "No Regrets," The Walker Brothers

Americans Scott Engel, John Maus, and Gary Leeds moved to England in 1965, took matching last names (perhaps inspiring the Ramones a decade later), and became bigger stars in their adopted home than in their birthplace.  They had nine hits between '65 and '67, then managed a tenth nine years later with this cover of a 1968 song by American folkie Tom Rush about a breakup.  It's a well-produced adult pop ballad, and I mean that in the best way.

6 - "We Do It," R & J Stone

The only hit for Anglo-American marrieds Russell and Joanne Stone was this pop-soul ballad that is probably about how they have lots of sex, but the lyrics provide some plausible deniability. Not super-erotic, but it's a gallon of Spanish Fly compared to, say, "Afternoon Delight,"

5 - "Love to Love You Baby," Donna Summer

Donna's breakthrough heavy breathing session was a Top Five in the States and the Kingdom, but again, dirty Canada made it a #1.  You think you know us, but you clearly don't.

4 - "Love Machine," The Miracles

The Smokeyless ones only went to #3 with their American chart topper about a sex robot.  Yes, that's what it's about.  Ooh ooh OOOOOH YEAH!

3 - "December 1963 (Oh What a Night)," The Four Seasons 

Certainly one of the worst Triple Crown winners ever.  Just shit.  Why didn't these guys stop recording in 1967?  They still had more than enough material for that musical.

2 - "Mamma Mia," ABBA

The Swedish beatballs had their second #1 here with some bouncy Scandipop about not being able to give someone up.  This one got in a musical too, but I forget what it's called.

And your #1 back then was:

1 - "Forever and Ever," Slik 
These Scots were like the second-string Bay City Rollers, but they did manage one charttopping moment with this midtempo devotion number that is straight bubblegum on the choruses but oddly gothic on the verses.  And it was also the first hit to feature the vocals of future Ultravox and Band Aid man Midge Ure.  But most importantly, make sure you read the band name right.  It rhymes with "sick," not "milk."

Another one down.  Stay tuned to the usual channels to find out when I'm back.  Toodles til then.

An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 February 14, 1976 Part One

The big news in Britain at this time was John Curry winning the nation's first gold medal in Winter Olympic figure skating.  Curry and ice make an interesting mix, as do the song's on that week's single

40 - "Just One Look," Faith Hope and Charity 
The only U.K. hit for this Tampa disco group was a cover of Doris Troy's 1963 soul classic.  Just one listen is all it takes to never need to hear it again.

39 - "The Lies in Your Eyes," Sweet
The glam superstars' penultimate Top 40 was this stomping kiss-off.  It only reached #35, but I think it's better than many of their bigger hits.

38 - "Let the Music Play," Barry White
All right, now here's the smoothest of the smooth's fourth British Top Ten, a song that sees him wanting to dance away the pain of his disintegrating relationship.  That'said right, baby, just let him dance.  Aw yeah.

37 - "Honey I," George McCrae 
The seventh and final hit here for the man behind 1974's Triple Crown-winning "Rock Your Baby" was this disco declaration of devotion.  Decent enough to dance to, and preferable to much of the output of more famous label mates KC and the Sunshine Band.

36 - "Rain," Status Quo
More Quo, this one being a chugging rock song about how rain symbolizes the state of the singer's relationship or something.  I'm more intrigued by the way he pronounces the word "rain."  Rine?

35 - "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," Paul Simon
Garfunkel's pal was denied a Triple Crown for his relationship dissolution primer for Jack, Stan, Lee, et al.  Here, it only hit #23.  Britain, we do need to discuss much.

34 - "The Way That I Want to Touch You," Captain and Tennile 
While Toni and Daryl had hit #1 and #4 at home with "Love Will Keep Us Together" and this sex ballad respectively, here they only made #32 and #28.  And they wouldn't chart here again until 1980.  I'm surprised.  Given Britain's affinity for weirdness, I would have thought "Muskrat Love" would have been massive.

33 - "Your Love Put a Spell on Me," L.J. Johnson 
An aspiring Chicago singer, Louis Johnson was discovered by Ian Levine, a Northern Soul impresario from Blackpool.  The two then collaborated on this energetic Stax-Motown hybrid.  Terrific stuff.

32 - "Weak Spot," Evelyn Thomas
Also while in Chicago, Levine discovered Thomas and produced this single for her.  It bears a lot of musical similarities to the Johnson track, but I would say it's catchier, funkier, and just all around better.  Very strong.

31 - "Tuxedo Junction," The Manhattan Transfer
The Transfer had their first hit here with a cover of a jazz standard written by Erskine Hawkins in 1938 and popularized two years later by Glenn Miller.  It's a bluesy swinger about a cool nightclub in Birmingham, Alabama, and the group give it a suitably grit-jazz treatment.  I get why it became one of their signatures.

30 - "I Love Music," The O'Jays
Sublime Philly funk from the masters.  Just joy.

29 - "Dat," Pluto Shervington 
The first of two hits here for this Jamaican was this patois-heavy reggae tune about a Rastafarian who wants to buy both meat and weed, but the cheapest meat available is pork, which is against his religion.  So he tries to be as subtle as possible about it at the butcher shop, and then tries to get it home without his neighbors finding out.  Not typical pop subject matter, but it works.

28 - "Deep Purple," Donny and Marie Osmond
The littlest Osmonds cover a 1933 song that Nino Tempo and April Stevens took to the top in America in 1963.  More of a very pale magenta.

27 - "Something's Been Making Me Blue," Smokie
Their third hit was this medium rocker about being uncertain about what's wrong in a relationship.  It's a typical sample of their output.

26 - "Milky Way," Sheer Elegance
The first of two hits for these British soulsters was his reggae-lite about a truly out-of-this-world romantic experience. Sadly, it sounds all too earthbound to me.

25 - "Let's Call it Quits," Slade
Noddy and the boys' seventeenth and last Top Twenty of the 70s was this bluesy track about wanting to break up with someone but still wanting to have sex with them.  I think that's it.  They were heading to a down period, but they still had swagger.

24 - "In Dulce Jubilo/On Horseback " Mike Oldfield 
The Reading man had his first Top Five with this double-sider.  The A is a suitably medieval-sounding version of a Christmas carol from the Middle Ages.  The B is minstrelly folk with spoken verses and sung choruses, and it's about how he likes riding a "big brown beastie" more than anything else in the world.  Very English, but maybe too much so for me.

23 - "I Love to Love (But My Baby Loves to Dance)," Tina Charles
The first and biggest hit for this young lady from historically infamous Whitechapel was this disco tune about how her man always wants to boogie with her even when she'd rather "get down" in another way, wink wink nudge nudge say no more.  Light on the funk, but okay.

22 - "Glass of Champagne," Sailor
These Brits' first and biggest was this soft rock come-on.  If you wanted to hear what it would sound like if Smokie and ABBA each played one of their biggest hits simultaneously, try this.  I had no such desire.

21 - "It Should Have Been Me," Yvonne Fair 
The biggest hit for Richmond, Virginia-born Flora Cole was this disco cover of a 1968 Glades Knight hit about having a really strong objection to a wedding.  Convincingly urgent soul.  She should have been bigger.

In Part Two:  an oldie, an even older oldie, and a non-typo.

An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 February 2, 1980

Closing.

20 - "Living by Numbers," New Musik 
The first and biggest hit for the London synthpop outfit was this tune about the impersonality of the even-then increasingly digital world.  Nothing that the Buggles didn't do better, but still quite good.

19 - "Jazz Carnival," Azymuth 
The biggest international hit for these Brazilians was this synth-jazz-funk-samba instrumental.  Nice enough, but the full nine-and-a-half minute version is a bit of a slog.

18 - "Spacer," Sheila and B. Devotion
The second and final British hit for this French act (now billing Annie Chancel and her backups as separate entities) was this disco track that's essentially a more straight-faced version of Hot Gossip's "I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper."  I gotta give the nod to the pre-Phantom Sarah Brightman.

17 - "Tears of a Clown," The Beat
The Birmingham ska boys picked up their first hit with this cover of the Miracles' classic.  A fun and different take that introduced a short-lived but influential act.

16 - "London Calling," The Clash
Their seventh, biggest, and best hit. A churning blast of rage and fear of nuclear armageddon, police brutality, the media hype over punk ("phony Beatlemania"), and more.  A canonical song in punk, rock, pop, and music in general.

15 - "I Hear You Now," Jon and Vangelis
The first of two Top Tens for the team of once and future Yes singer Jon Anderson and the man who,would soundtrack British runners for Chariots of Fire was this song that seems to be about post-costal warm fuzzies.  Not sure this is the kind of thing I'd want to hear in such moments, but all right.

14 - "Someone's Looking at You," The Boomtown Rats
Their fourth Top Five was this number about the paranoia that comes with fun.  Deceptively poppy.  Probably the most serious challenger to "I Don't Like Mondays" for best in their catalogue.

13 - "Better Love Next Time," Dr. Hook
The dregs of their soft-disco period, bottomed only by "Sexy Eyes."  Blecch.

12 - "7 Teen," The Regents
The one hit for these New Wave wonders was this Costello-ish tune about an attractive girl in her late teens and the reactions of her peers to her.  Not particularly lyrically interesting, but all the vibes you want expressed in a song like this are expressed clearly and effectively nonetheless.

11 - "I Wanna Hold Your Hand," Dollar
The second Top Ten for the Can-Brit male-female duo was indeed a Beatles cover, done as minimalist synthpop.  Surprisingly not horrible, but nother essential either.

10 - "Coward of the County," Kenny Rogers 
Kenny'so sombre tale of a pacifist violently avenging his wife's gang rape picked up two-thirds of the Triple Crown.  Surprisingly, it was his homeland that threw up the block.  Savage revenge too much for delicate American ears?  Who would have imagined?

9 - "Green Onions," Booker T. and the MGS
The 1962 proto-funk instrumental by the house band of Memphis' Stax label didn't chart here until now.  Justice served, eventually.

8 - "Please Don't Go," KC and the Sunshine Band
This time it was the British preventing a Triple Crown for the disco machine's bland ballad. Good job.

7 - "Babe," Styx
And they stopped another one.  But Dennis DeYoung's sap showcase was the Bob Seger of Chicago's only Top 40 here, so there's that.

6 - "With You I'm Born Again," Billy Preston and Syreeta 
The fifth Beatle and Stevie Wonder's ex had a transatlantic Top Ten with this treacly ballad.  Shouldn't have been born the first time.

5 - "It's Different for Girls," Joe Jackson
The Staffordshireman's biggest hit here was this midtempo tune that's a lyrical cross between "You Better Shop Around" and "All Right Now."  He was the second-string Elvis Costello, but he could still make winners.

4 - "I'm in the Mood for Dancing," The Nolan Sisters
The sister act that would soon go simply by the Nolans had their first and biggest hit with this decent bit of disco-lite.  Notable mainly for being one of the rare pop songs to use the word "shan't."  That's an underrated word.

3 - "My Girl," Madness
The Nutty Boys' third hit was this song about I guy who doesn't know how he's making his girlfriend angry.  All I know is, she's right.  I don't need to know the details, she's just right.  Right?

2 - "Brass in Pocket," The Pretenders
Chrissie Hynde's strut of supreme confidence was her band's only #1.  It really is special.  So, so, sooooooo special.

And at the top 38 years ago was...

1 - "Too Much Too Young," The Specials
The first of two chart toppers for the 2 Tone standard bearers was a live EP featuring this song warning of the dangers and burdens of not using birth control.  It veers between educational and judgmental, but all in all, it's solid skanking ska.

Done again.  Join the facebook, see if I've advanced the twitter at all, and stay tuned for next time.

An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 February 2, 1980 Part One

February 1980.  The major story in Britain was Louis Edwards, the chairman of Manchester United, who had been accused in a television news story of making illegal payments to parents of young soccer prospects and bribing education officials to allow him to supply subpar meat from his meat processing business to schools.  The accusations were not fully investigated due to Edwards' death from a heart attack at the end of the month.  On a happier note, these were the popular, non-dangerous songs of the moment.

40 - "Captain Beaky," Keith Michell 
From Australia, Michell emigrated to England in the 50s, and began a long acting career, primarily on the stages of London and Broadway.  He also charted twice, most successfully with this children's poem set to music.  It tells the tale of the title bird and his animal friends who fancy themselves defenders of their forest.  They take it upon themselves to chase out disruptive snake Hissing Sid.  After debating the best course of action, they decide to send out Timid Toad as bait for the serpent, and after being inadvertently swallowed, he somehow allows them to chase Sid out of the woods and escape in the nick of time.  It's very convoluted, and delivered in a rapid-fire narration over what sounds like fox hunting music.  And it all somehow reached the Top Five.  Yes, this week's Uneasy Rider race is over before it even begins.

39 - "I've Got to Love Somebody," Sister Sledge 
Philadelphia's Sledge sisters had their fifth hit here with this disco-funker about trying to find someone with whom "to share popcorn and jellybeans.  I'm not sure whether or not that's a euphemism.  All in all, it sounds a bit too similar to "We Are Family" for my liking.

38 - "I Only Want to Be with You," The Tourists
This New Wave five-piece had a handful of hits, the biggest being this straightforward cover of Dusty Springfield's 1964 debut hit.  Oh, and their singer and lead guitarist were people named Annie Lennox and Dave Stewart, who would soon splinter off and form the somewhat well-remembered Eurythmics.

37 - "And the Beat Goes On," The Whispers
The L.A. soul group went Top 20 at home and #2 here with this funky tune about surviving lost love.  Hard not to dance to.

36 - "Baby I Love You," The Ramones
After four albums, the pioneering New York punks had gained a cult following and critical acclaim, but were still looking for a commercial breakthrough.  So they accepted an offer from Phil Spector to produce their next LP, End of the Century.  Not surprisingly, Spector's meticulous methods and perfectionism caused the band a great deal of stress, to the point where singer Joey is the only band member performing on this heavily arranged cover of a 1963 hit Spector had originally produced for The Ronettes.  Joey sings it the best he can, but you can tell there is nothing remotely Ramoney about it.  And funnily enough, it was their only Top Ten.  If you want to hear the two warring sensibilities come together in a less awkward way, listen to "Do You Remember Rock n'Roll Radio."

35 - "The Plastic Age," The Buggies
The Wimbledon duo of Trevor Horn and Geoff Downes had a #1 at the end of '79 with the immortal "Video Killed the Radio Star." Their follow-up was this synth-rocker about the pitfalls of living in an increasingly technology and convenience-driven world.  Another winner, in any age.

34 - "Mama's Boy," Suzy Quatro 
Suzy's last solo Top 40 was this rocker that questions the manhood of a suitor, even using the term "closet case."  Definitely of its time.  She did so many better things.

33 - "Rapper's Delight," The Sugarhill Gang
In 1979, singer-turned-label-owner Sylvia Robinson discovered three young men in Englewood, New Jersey who were performing a style called "rap."  She then took "Wonder Mike" Wright, "Big Bank Hank" Jackson, and Guy "Master Gee" O'Brien into a studio and let them rhyme over a beat that included a lot of elements of Chic's "Good Times."  The result was the mainstream introduction of a new genre, which cracked the American Top 40, hit the Top Five over here, and even was a #1 in good old Canada.  It introduced many of the genre's trope sayings ("Yes Yes Y'all,"  "And you don't stop," etc.) and included the memorable tales of Hank stealing Lois Lane from Superman and Mike leaving a friend's house because of the horrific food being served there (and initiating hip-hop's first major brand name drop, of diarrhea medication Kaopectate). A milestone, and fun too.

32 - "Strange Little Girl," Sad Cafe
The second of four hits by these Mancunians was this new wavey number about an odd female.  I hear a little bit of ELO in it.  They may not have intended that, but for me, it works.

31 - "Jane," Jefferson Starship 
This was JeffStar's only hit here.  Britain once again shows off its discriminating taste.  Maybe it was because the bridge had a bit of a reggae sound to it.

30 - "Save Me," Queen
Queen's first single release of the decade was this desperate power ballad about feeling lost after the dissolution of a relationship.  Who better than Freddie to dramatize that?  No one, that's who.

29 - "Three Minute Hero," The Selecter 
From Coventry, this band was part of the 2 Tone ska revival that was rising at the time.  They stood out because they were fronted by a woman, Pauline Black.  The third of their five 80s hits was this song that I think is about dreaming of hearing your song on the radio.  Well, job done.  Very well done.

 28 - "Is it Love You're After," Rose Royce 
The L.A. funk group'so last hit here was this disco groove about wondering if you're being pursued seriously or just for temporary fulfillment.  Disco may have been dying, but it was still being practiced very capably in some circles.

27 - "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)," Rupert Holmes
Holmes is a dual U.S. and U.K. citizen, but his gimmicky cheese touchstone was not only denied  a triple crown by his birthplace, it didn't even crack the Top Twenty.  Maybe it's because "getting caught in the rain" isn't as much of an anomaly in Britain.

26 - "I Have a Dream," ABBA
The fifteenth Top Ten for the Swedes was this ballad about optimism and believing in angels and such.  They throw in a children's choir for good measure.  Although that apparatus would be better used by another song on this chart.

25 - "We Got the Funk," Positive Force
The only hit for these Pennsylvanians was this dance track about the funk and who is in possession of it.  I would say these guys have some of it, but certainly not all.

24 - "Another Brick in the Wall Part II," Pink Floyd 
The Triple Crown-winning request for educational laissez-faire.  It still gets me how bratty that children's choir sounds.

23 - "Too Hot," Kool and the Gang
This smooth disco tune was just their second hit here.  They missed the best parts.  That's too cold.

22 - "Buzz Buzz a Diddle It," Matchbox 
The second hit for the Middlesex rockabilly crew was this decent retro number whose title is apparently meant to represent static on a telephone line.  One of the better tracks I've heard from the whole U.K. 50s revival scene.

21 - "Spirits (Having Flown)," The Bee Gees
The last gasp of the Gibbs' disco period was this shuffling midtempo ballad where Barry tries to win a lady with a lot of weather metaphors.  Not one of their best, and approprivate given the dark clouds ahead for their career.

In Part Two: youth, girls, and covers.