Surprise! They have Old Man Yells at Music on podcasts now.
https://anchor.fm/oldmanyellsatmusic
The first episode is about songs on the American, British, and Canadian charts on November 24, 1979. I talk (!) about the Village People's optimism about the future, Trooper's fashion judgment, Kermit the Frog's pop career, the record-promoting power of soap opera assault, ABBA on the prowl, Fleetwood Mac's lack of fucks given, and much more. And at least three Simpsons references.
It's a DIY, no-budget production, and yeah, you can tell. There's a couple of glitches, and some nerves show through. And I apologize in advance to Ted Koppel for making it sound like he used to host a nightly nude show.
But overall, I think you'll find it interesting and entertaining. It's a new beginning. You could be one of the lucky ones who can say "I was listening when..." Or maybe it'll be more like "I was listening...why?" Either way, I invite you to give Episode 1: November 24, 1979 a try. It's not bad. Really.
Oh, and if you want to follow along, I made a companion YouTube playlist:https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQkAj8MhxUKbL41em-Bd8qCi.
Next time will be Part Two of November 10. For sure.
Friday, November 29, 2019
AOMA:UKT40 November 10, 1979 Part One
November 1979. Around this time, the Times of London resumed publishing after an 11-month strike. And people could read it while these songs played on the radio.
40 - "It's a Disco Night (Rock Don't Stop)," The Isley Brothers
The Cincinnati soul vets try out disco. They don't dilute the funk, and Ronald is his usual smooth-voiced self. It's on trend, but still truly theirs.
39 - "Bird Song," Lene Lovich
The third and final hit for the Detroit native features her using her signature new wave wail to actually mimic bird calls. Also, the lyrics seem to indicate that she is comparing a lost love to a bird who flies away and dies, only for her to find and...eat. Possibly the instance where the crazy of her singing best matches the crazy of the song.
38 - "Whatever You Want," Status Quo
The Quo's last Top Five of the decade starts out interesting, but eventually becomes their usual marriage of corporate rock and pub singalongs. As those go, it's one of their better ones, but it doesn't quite transcend the formula.
37 - "Sarah," Thin Lizzy
An uncharacteristic soft-rocker written by Phil Lynott about his newborn daughter. Tender, sweet, and catchy. The rock version of "Isn't She Lovely."
36 - "Queen of Hearts," Dave Edmunds
Edmund's had a hit here with this chugging song about the risks of the game of love two years before Juice Newton had an American smash with it. Juice did better. Edmunds whine just doesn't make me care about the song.
35 - "Dreaming," Blondie
Their fifth Top Five here was this sparkly power pop gem about the power of reverie. Debbie Harry was inhabiting the dreams of many at this time, and songs like this helped discourage awakening.
34 - "Sad Eyes," Robert John
The Brooklyn singer's falsetto-laden yacht rocker was his only Top 40 here, reaching #31. In Canada, it hit #3, and in the States, it somehow hit #1. I do not understand how. Especially since the song it knocked off was "My Sharona." America really must have fell for those puppy-dog peepers.
33 - "You Can Do It," Al Hudson and the Soul Partners
A solid one-hit funk-disco wonder from a Detroit group. Third-rate Chic is still very enjoyable.
32 - "You've Got My Number (Why Don't You Use It)," The Undertones
The third hit for the Derry pop-punks was this punchy pickup attempt. Short, sharp, super.
31 - "Since You've Been Gone," Rainbow
The first Top Ten for Ritchie Blackmore's post-Deep Purple band was this rocking lost-love lament. A pop-metal precursor.
30 - "I Don't Want to Be a Freak (But I Can't Help Myself)," Dynasty
The biggest hit for this L.A. funk band was this song about a woman who loses control over her own body when favorable music plays. But in a sexy way, of course. No adult diapers required.
29 - "He Was Beautiful," Iris Williams
This Welsh singer had her biggest hit with a drippy love song, dramatically sung to the tune of the music used as the theme to The Deer Hunter. It's a shame she couldn't have incorporated "Didi mao!" into the lyrics
28 - "The Great Rock n'Roll Swindle," The Sex Pistols
The title track to the film about the short, chaotic career of the band is bratty braggadocio about how the group milked easy money out of their first two labels, contains a line that had already been fulfilled by Sid Vicious ("I'm a jealous god and I want everything/I loved you with a knife") and ends with them profanely slagging off rock stars, including themselves. That pretty much sums up the pointless but memorable nihilism of their brief, cacophonous run.
27 - "No More Tears," Donna Summer and Barbra Streisand
The diva duel for the ages. It's all Donna on my scorecard, but Babs gets credit for going the distance.
26 - "Rise," Herb Alpert
Herbie goes disco. He did fine, so I don't mind if he toots his own horn.
25 - "Knocked it Off," B.A. Robertson
The Scotsman's second hit was this whimsical attempt at satire about how easy it is to write a hit and get rich. He's all snarky and sarcastic, but where someone like Ian Dury could do something like this and make it charming, this guy comes off like a snob who'd above this pop nonsense and is just doing this to make money until Andrew Lioyd Webber discovers him and he can sing real music. Bleah.
24 - "The Devil Went Down to Georgia," The Charlie Daniels Band
Chuck's tale of fiddlin' with Satan got him his only real chart action over here. I wonder if Granny is telling the truth about her dog's temperament. Maybe that chicken in the bread pan knows.
23 - "Message in a Bottle," The Police
Britain responded to Sting's SOS to the world with a #1. It's no hundred million bottles, but I'm sure it was similarly validating.
22 - "Luton Airport," Cats UK
The only hit for this all-female band was this new wavish number about a working class girl's fling in Spain. It was inspired by a liquor commercial, and it owes more than a little to Squeeze's "Cool for Cats." A song of it's time and place that can't possibly matter to anyone beyond that.
21 - "Ladies Night," Kool and the Gang
Their first Top Ten in all three Crown countries, and the beginning of their most commercial period. Yes, "Cherish" is partly this song's fault. It's a good enough song to overcome that, but still.
In Part Two: So much disco. God save us.
40 - "It's a Disco Night (Rock Don't Stop)," The Isley Brothers
The Cincinnati soul vets try out disco. They don't dilute the funk, and Ronald is his usual smooth-voiced self. It's on trend, but still truly theirs.
39 - "Bird Song," Lene Lovich
The third and final hit for the Detroit native features her using her signature new wave wail to actually mimic bird calls. Also, the lyrics seem to indicate that she is comparing a lost love to a bird who flies away and dies, only for her to find and...eat. Possibly the instance where the crazy of her singing best matches the crazy of the song.
38 - "Whatever You Want," Status Quo
The Quo's last Top Five of the decade starts out interesting, but eventually becomes their usual marriage of corporate rock and pub singalongs. As those go, it's one of their better ones, but it doesn't quite transcend the formula.
37 - "Sarah," Thin Lizzy
An uncharacteristic soft-rocker written by Phil Lynott about his newborn daughter. Tender, sweet, and catchy. The rock version of "Isn't She Lovely."
36 - "Queen of Hearts," Dave Edmunds
Edmund's had a hit here with this chugging song about the risks of the game of love two years before Juice Newton had an American smash with it. Juice did better. Edmunds whine just doesn't make me care about the song.
35 - "Dreaming," Blondie
Their fifth Top Five here was this sparkly power pop gem about the power of reverie. Debbie Harry was inhabiting the dreams of many at this time, and songs like this helped discourage awakening.
34 - "Sad Eyes," Robert John
The Brooklyn singer's falsetto-laden yacht rocker was his only Top 40 here, reaching #31. In Canada, it hit #3, and in the States, it somehow hit #1. I do not understand how. Especially since the song it knocked off was "My Sharona." America really must have fell for those puppy-dog peepers.
33 - "You Can Do It," Al Hudson and the Soul Partners
A solid one-hit funk-disco wonder from a Detroit group. Third-rate Chic is still very enjoyable.
32 - "You've Got My Number (Why Don't You Use It)," The Undertones
The third hit for the Derry pop-punks was this punchy pickup attempt. Short, sharp, super.
31 - "Since You've Been Gone," Rainbow
The first Top Ten for Ritchie Blackmore's post-Deep Purple band was this rocking lost-love lament. A pop-metal precursor.
30 - "I Don't Want to Be a Freak (But I Can't Help Myself)," Dynasty
The biggest hit for this L.A. funk band was this song about a woman who loses control over her own body when favorable music plays. But in a sexy way, of course. No adult diapers required.
29 - "He Was Beautiful," Iris Williams
This Welsh singer had her biggest hit with a drippy love song, dramatically sung to the tune of the music used as the theme to The Deer Hunter. It's a shame she couldn't have incorporated "Didi mao!" into the lyrics
28 - "The Great Rock n'Roll Swindle," The Sex Pistols
The title track to the film about the short, chaotic career of the band is bratty braggadocio about how the group milked easy money out of their first two labels, contains a line that had already been fulfilled by Sid Vicious ("I'm a jealous god and I want everything/I loved you with a knife") and ends with them profanely slagging off rock stars, including themselves. That pretty much sums up the pointless but memorable nihilism of their brief, cacophonous run.
27 - "No More Tears," Donna Summer and Barbra Streisand
The diva duel for the ages. It's all Donna on my scorecard, but Babs gets credit for going the distance.
26 - "Rise," Herb Alpert
Herbie goes disco. He did fine, so I don't mind if he toots his own horn.
25 - "Knocked it Off," B.A. Robertson
The Scotsman's second hit was this whimsical attempt at satire about how easy it is to write a hit and get rich. He's all snarky and sarcastic, but where someone like Ian Dury could do something like this and make it charming, this guy comes off like a snob who'd above this pop nonsense and is just doing this to make money until Andrew Lioyd Webber discovers him and he can sing real music. Bleah.
24 - "The Devil Went Down to Georgia," The Charlie Daniels Band
Chuck's tale of fiddlin' with Satan got him his only real chart action over here. I wonder if Granny is telling the truth about her dog's temperament. Maybe that chicken in the bread pan knows.
23 - "Message in a Bottle," The Police
Britain responded to Sting's SOS to the world with a #1. It's no hundred million bottles, but I'm sure it was similarly validating.
22 - "Luton Airport," Cats UK
The only hit for this all-female band was this new wavish number about a working class girl's fling in Spain. It was inspired by a liquor commercial, and it owes more than a little to Squeeze's "Cool for Cats." A song of it's time and place that can't possibly matter to anyone beyond that.
21 - "Ladies Night," Kool and the Gang
Their first Top Ten in all three Crown countries, and the beginning of their most commercial period. Yes, "Cherish" is partly this song's fault. It's a good enough song to overcome that, but still.
In Part Two: So much disco. God save us.
Tuesday, November 19, 2019
The OMUTURE: Round One, Part 3
The third section of the opening round is full of trends and doom. Here we go. And again, you can follow along on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQmwo3sqB5fMf40Qy5Srd1t2
THE MOVES OF THE STREETS BOWL
"Double Dutch Bus," Frankie Smith, 1981
vs. "Breakdance," Irene Cara, 1984
Two songs about forms of recreation popular in urban America. Philadelphian Smith went to #30 with his funky ode to public transportation and skipping with two ropes. Later, Bronx singer Cara made it to #8 with a song about a new dance craze that involved popping, locking, and spinning on your heads.
Final Score: Bus 45, Breakdance 7. Cara's crew had some impressive moves, but the Dutchmen had fancier footwork, and their penchant for calling their plays in a deceptive slang had the Brizzeak Dizzancizzers bizzewizzildizzered. The Bus rolls on.
THE ZEROES AND ONES BOWL
"Pac-Man Fever," Buckner and Garcia, 1982
vs. "Digital Display," Ready for the World, 1986
Two hits about technology and numbers. First, a duo from Akron, Ohio made it to #9 with a tribute to the arcade video game where you increase your score by having a computer-generated yellow circle eat dots. Then, an R&B group from Flint, Michigan hit #21 with a song that pictures a women's measurements appearing in LED numerals somewhere on her body.
Final Score: Fever 52, Display 10. The Pac-men gobbled up yardage by using their ability to slickly fake out the defense. Though well-built, the Ready for the World team wasn't ready to prevent their opponents from running up a big score.
THE NOT QUITE HUMAN BOWL
"Clones (We're All)," Alice Cooper, 1980
vs. "Mr. Roboto," Styx, 1983
Two songs about people who aren't really people. Detroit shock rock legend Cooper hit #40 with a song about multiple genetic copies and their longing for individuality. Meanwhile, the Bob Seger of Chicago made it to #3 with a tune about an android Iin a dystopian future.
Final Score: Roboto 37, Clones 31 (OT) This was one of the most anticipated first round clashes, and it did not disappoint. Electronic innovation and genetic engineering battles to a stalemate after regulation time, but the Roboto squad was able to pull out the overtime victory by deploying a trick play involving an unheralded running back named Kilroy.
THE REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE BOWL
"Answering Machine," Rupert Holmes, 1980
vs. "Obscene Phone Caller," Rockwell, 1984
Two songs about Alexander Graham Bell's claim to fame. Holmes, writer of OMUSURT champion "Timothy," went to #32 with a song about getting frustrated by the precursor to voicemail. Later, Kennedy Gordy reached #35 with a number about people who play telephone pranks involving sexually suggestive heavy breathing.
Final Score: Caller 24, Machine 0. The Rockwell team came in with a lot of enmity toward people who breathe heavily, and when they heard their opponents panting with exertion, they took out their aggression.
THE EXPERIMENTATION BOWL
"Shock the Monkey," Peter Gabriel, 1982
vs. "She Blinded Me with Science," Thomas Dolby, 1983
Two songs that reference things that happen in laboratories. The former Genesis frontman hit #29 with a song that compares jealousy to simian electrocution. Meanwhile, another Englishman hit #5 comparing love to machinery and chemical reactions.
Final Score: Science 30, Monkey 3. The Shockers tried some electrifying tactics, but they never seemed to see what was coming from the Dolby side, who, at their best, played like poetry in motion. They move on to the next round, although for some reason, one of their fans is still in the stadium, shouting "Science!" at random intervals.
THE DISGUISE YOUR EYES BOWL
"Sunglasses at Night," Corey Hart, 1984
vs. "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades," Timbuk 3, 1986
Two songs about protective eyewear. First, a young man from Montreal made it to #7 with a song about how he wore dark glasses even at the time of day where there is less light. Then, a duo from Wisconsin hit #19 with a tune about a nuclear science student who looks forward to making enough money to buy a lot of beer.
Final Score: Shades 31, Sunglasses 13. Both teams wore dark visors on their helmets, but behind them, the Futurists were smarter, more unpredictable, and more capable of trickery (one player, it is rumored, even had X-ray eyes). They were able to cut through their opponents' security...er, defense, and the Hart squad could not keep track of everything that happened before their eyes. It is Timbuk 3 that leaves with promising prospects.
THE YOUNG LADIES OF THE 80S BOWL
"Valley Girl," Frank and Moon Zappa, 1982
vs. "Material Girl," Madonna, 1985
Two hits about females who value their image. Avant-garde rock legend Frank Zappa and his 14-year-old daughter hit #32 with a song about the slang and values of teenage girls in California's San Fernando Valley. Meanwhile, Ms, Ciccone got to #2 with her declaration that only men of means could win her favors.
Final Score: Valley 44, Material 6. The big question about the team from California was whether they were willing to get their well-manicured nails dirty enough to compete at this level. After the first game, at least, the answer is "Fer sure, Fer sure!" The Material squad just didn't seem very motivated, and some speculated that this was caused by a pay dispute with management. Well they're out, and the Vals will play in the next round...after they see their orthodontist and have their braces removed.
THE LEG COVERINGS BOWL
"Baby Makes Her Blue Jeans Talk," Dr. Hook, 1982
vs. "Fishnet," Morris Day, 1988
Two songs that refer to garments worn on women's lower extremities. Dr. Hook got to #25 with a song about a lady who group communicates volumes with just her denim-clad backside. Then, former Time singer Day climbed to #23 with a tribute to mesh stockings that remind one of a device used to catch seafood.
Final Score: Jeans 7, Fishnet 6. Their wasn't a lot of action in this game, to the point where the spectators left the game talking more about the teams' unusual uniforms than the game itself. Ultimately, the Dr.'s team won by scoring the only touchdown on a late handoff to an attractive running back whose trouser-clad bottom seemed to say to the Day defenders "Follow me in to the end zone." Which they dutifully did.
THE BEATS AND BORROWED HOOKS BOWL
"Pump Up the Volume," M/A/R/R/S, 1988
vs. "I Beg Your Pardon," Kon Kan, 1989
Two songs that helped mainstream sample-heavy electronic dance music. First, a British group hit #13 with a house track featuring samples from James Brown, Eric B, and Rakim, and many more. Then, a Toronto duo made it to #15 with a song that samples GQ, Silver Convention, and Lynn Anderson's country classic "Rose Garden".
Final Score: Volume 24, Pardon 17. This game had a lot of interesting plays that built on old ideas but used new formations to make them different and innovative. But the men from M/A/R/R/S came out on top by being a little more ahead of their time, and a lot less polite. But the losing team still left the field smiling and jolly.
THE IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT, AND THEY FEEL SOMEWHAT LESS THAN FINE BOWL
"1999," Prince, 1983
vs. "The Final Countdown," Europe, 1987
Two songs about civilization-ending cataclysms. Prince got to #12 with a song that predicted that the skies would turn purple and everyone would have a bomb on the last day of the second millennium. Later, a Swedish group climbed to #8 with a song about humanity fleeing a dying Earth to relocating on Venus.
Final Score: 1999 28, Countdown 17. Both teams came out with huge opening plays that sent chills throughout the crowd. But Prince's players just had more firepower, plus early in the second half, they changed the game when a lion somehow emerged from one of the players' pockets. The gang from Europe were so disturbed by the loss that they didn't just leave town, they left the planet entirely.
THE MILD AND CRAZY BOWL
"Wild Wild Life," Talking Heads, 1986
vs. "Hip to be Square," Huey Lewis and the News, 1986
Two songs that celebrate opposing approaches to life. First, the New York New Wavers went to #25 with a song celebrating such crazy activities as wearing fur pyjamas and sleeping on highways. Then, Huey and company hit #3 with a song that says that exercising restraint and discipline is now the height of cool.
Final Score: Square 33, Life 9. This game wasn't even as close as the score would indicate, as the Hipsters' dedication to practice, conditioning, and healthy eating allowed them to run rings around a team who were more interested in wrestling amongst themselves and sitting on their pin-and-needle covered bench. But Huey's team were so dedicated to their conservative strategy that they didn't want to show off by scoring touchdowns, instead getting all their points on eleven field goals. They even gave away two points by unnecessarily conceding a safety. But the strategy worked for this game, and if they continue winning with this approach, it may catch on with other teams.
THE DIFFERING VISIONS OF THE FUTURE BOWL
"I.G.Y. (What a Beautiful World)," Donald Fagen, 1982
vs. "Silent Running," Mike and the Mechanics, 1986
Two hits that paint different pictures of the years to come. Ex-Steely Dan man Fagen went to #26 by picturing a bright, clean future of high-speed underwater trains and spandex jackets. Later, a group led by Genesis' Mike Rutherford hit #6 with a song about an astronaut sending a message to his family back on a war-torn Earth.
Final Score: Running 34, World 14. The Beautiful boys came out with high-flying optimism and visionary ideas, but they were brought down to earth by the Silent squad's relentless, punishing ground attack. Fagen's peaceniks could not hold back a group of Mechanics prepared for war. But they still looked cool in those spandex jackets.
THE LIKE A SEX MACHINE BOWL
"Automatic Man," Michael Sembello, 1983
vs. "Automatic," The Pointer Sisters, 1984
Two songs about the passionate possibilities of robots. Philadelphian Sembello hit #34 with a song about having a mechanical assistant that gets too good at helping its master seduce a woman. Later, an Oakland trio hit #5 with a tune about being erotically manipulated by some sort of machine.
Final Score: Sembello 19, Pointer 10. Although this isn't Sembello's best-known team, he got them to play like mechanical maniacs, and they managed to short-circuit the Pointer defense. But are the Automatic Men built to last, or will their time at this dance be over in a flash?
THE DROWNING IN A DARK SCOTTISH LAKE BOWL
"In the Air Tonight," Phil Collins, 1981
vs."Synchronicity II," The Police, 1983
Two dark, odd-sounding songs that refer to water. The Genesis singer hit #19 with a song about the resentment cause by divorce that uses metaphors that have caused it to be misinterpreted as a story of someone who allowed a drowning person to die. Later, the popular British trio got to #16 with a song about a frustrated man whose growing torment is compared to the awakening of the Loch Ness Monster.
Final Score: Air 38, Synchronicity 24. Both teams played with a lot of anger, and they were even going into the fourth quarter. But then on a punt return, a percussive volley of hard hits that sounded like nothing anyone had ever heard before jarred the ball loose from a Police man, and the Collins defense returned the fumble for a touchdown that gave them the lead for good. The Synchronicity team never heard it coming, and it had the same effect as a humiliating kick in the crotch.
THE PRINT VS. BROADCAST BOWL
"Every Day I Write the Book," Elvis Costello, 1983
vs. "Radio Ga Ga," Queen, 1984
Two hits that refer to aging-but-still popular forms of media, First, Londoner Costello reached #36 with a tune that compares carrying on a romance to writing a novel. A year later, the legendary British group made it to #16 by celebrating the wireless sound transmitter pioneered by Gugliermo Marconi.
Final Score: Radio 55, Book 7. This was no contest, mainly because of the teams' differing methods of signaling plays in from the sidelines. The Queen coach delivered his calls by wireless headset into receivers in the players' helmets, while Costello opted to write them out on signs for his team (and their opponents) to read. The Ga Ga's have yet to have their finest hour, while the Writers need to go back and edit their strategy before they can take the field again.
THE ANXIETY BOWL
"Pressure," Billy Joel, 1982
vs. "Paranoimia," The Art of Noise with Max Headroom, 1986
Two songs about feeling stressed. Billy hit #20 with a frantic rocker about trying to deal with the weight of the world. Then, a British electronic group teamed up with a stuttering, supposedly computer-generated humanoid character to hit #34 with a song about being frightened and unable to sleep.
Final Score: Paranoimia 48, Pressure 10. With their wide-awake, stuttery approach to the game, the Noise boys applied so much force to Billy's team that no amount of faith or Peter Pan advice could help them deal with it. Will fear and insomnia take their toll on the Art team, or will they be able to max out their potential?
It's Britain again next time. See you then.
THE MOVES OF THE STREETS BOWL
"Double Dutch Bus," Frankie Smith, 1981
vs. "Breakdance," Irene Cara, 1984
Two songs about forms of recreation popular in urban America. Philadelphian Smith went to #30 with his funky ode to public transportation and skipping with two ropes. Later, Bronx singer Cara made it to #8 with a song about a new dance craze that involved popping, locking, and spinning on your heads.
Final Score: Bus 45, Breakdance 7. Cara's crew had some impressive moves, but the Dutchmen had fancier footwork, and their penchant for calling their plays in a deceptive slang had the Brizzeak Dizzancizzers bizzewizzildizzered. The Bus rolls on.
THE ZEROES AND ONES BOWL
"Pac-Man Fever," Buckner and Garcia, 1982
vs. "Digital Display," Ready for the World, 1986
Two hits about technology and numbers. First, a duo from Akron, Ohio made it to #9 with a tribute to the arcade video game where you increase your score by having a computer-generated yellow circle eat dots. Then, an R&B group from Flint, Michigan hit #21 with a song that pictures a women's measurements appearing in LED numerals somewhere on her body.
Final Score: Fever 52, Display 10. The Pac-men gobbled up yardage by using their ability to slickly fake out the defense. Though well-built, the Ready for the World team wasn't ready to prevent their opponents from running up a big score.
THE NOT QUITE HUMAN BOWL
"Clones (We're All)," Alice Cooper, 1980
vs. "Mr. Roboto," Styx, 1983
Two songs about people who aren't really people. Detroit shock rock legend Cooper hit #40 with a song about multiple genetic copies and their longing for individuality. Meanwhile, the Bob Seger of Chicago made it to #3 with a tune about an android Iin a dystopian future.
Final Score: Roboto 37, Clones 31 (OT) This was one of the most anticipated first round clashes, and it did not disappoint. Electronic innovation and genetic engineering battles to a stalemate after regulation time, but the Roboto squad was able to pull out the overtime victory by deploying a trick play involving an unheralded running back named Kilroy.
THE REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE BOWL
"Answering Machine," Rupert Holmes, 1980
vs. "Obscene Phone Caller," Rockwell, 1984
Two songs about Alexander Graham Bell's claim to fame. Holmes, writer of OMUSURT champion "Timothy," went to #32 with a song about getting frustrated by the precursor to voicemail. Later, Kennedy Gordy reached #35 with a number about people who play telephone pranks involving sexually suggestive heavy breathing.
Final Score: Caller 24, Machine 0. The Rockwell team came in with a lot of enmity toward people who breathe heavily, and when they heard their opponents panting with exertion, they took out their aggression.
THE EXPERIMENTATION BOWL
"Shock the Monkey," Peter Gabriel, 1982
vs. "She Blinded Me with Science," Thomas Dolby, 1983
Two songs that reference things that happen in laboratories. The former Genesis frontman hit #29 with a song that compares jealousy to simian electrocution. Meanwhile, another Englishman hit #5 comparing love to machinery and chemical reactions.
Final Score: Science 30, Monkey 3. The Shockers tried some electrifying tactics, but they never seemed to see what was coming from the Dolby side, who, at their best, played like poetry in motion. They move on to the next round, although for some reason, one of their fans is still in the stadium, shouting "Science!" at random intervals.
THE DISGUISE YOUR EYES BOWL
"Sunglasses at Night," Corey Hart, 1984
vs. "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades," Timbuk 3, 1986
Two songs about protective eyewear. First, a young man from Montreal made it to #7 with a song about how he wore dark glasses even at the time of day where there is less light. Then, a duo from Wisconsin hit #19 with a tune about a nuclear science student who looks forward to making enough money to buy a lot of beer.
Final Score: Shades 31, Sunglasses 13. Both teams wore dark visors on their helmets, but behind them, the Futurists were smarter, more unpredictable, and more capable of trickery (one player, it is rumored, even had X-ray eyes). They were able to cut through their opponents' security...er, defense, and the Hart squad could not keep track of everything that happened before their eyes. It is Timbuk 3 that leaves with promising prospects.
THE YOUNG LADIES OF THE 80S BOWL
"Valley Girl," Frank and Moon Zappa, 1982
vs. "Material Girl," Madonna, 1985
Two hits about females who value their image. Avant-garde rock legend Frank Zappa and his 14-year-old daughter hit #32 with a song about the slang and values of teenage girls in California's San Fernando Valley. Meanwhile, Ms, Ciccone got to #2 with her declaration that only men of means could win her favors.
Final Score: Valley 44, Material 6. The big question about the team from California was whether they were willing to get their well-manicured nails dirty enough to compete at this level. After the first game, at least, the answer is "Fer sure, Fer sure!" The Material squad just didn't seem very motivated, and some speculated that this was caused by a pay dispute with management. Well they're out, and the Vals will play in the next round...after they see their orthodontist and have their braces removed.
THE LEG COVERINGS BOWL
"Baby Makes Her Blue Jeans Talk," Dr. Hook, 1982
vs. "Fishnet," Morris Day, 1988
Two songs that refer to garments worn on women's lower extremities. Dr. Hook got to #25 with a song about a lady who group communicates volumes with just her denim-clad backside. Then, former Time singer Day climbed to #23 with a tribute to mesh stockings that remind one of a device used to catch seafood.
Final Score: Jeans 7, Fishnet 6. Their wasn't a lot of action in this game, to the point where the spectators left the game talking more about the teams' unusual uniforms than the game itself. Ultimately, the Dr.'s team won by scoring the only touchdown on a late handoff to an attractive running back whose trouser-clad bottom seemed to say to the Day defenders "Follow me in to the end zone." Which they dutifully did.
THE BEATS AND BORROWED HOOKS BOWL
"Pump Up the Volume," M/A/R/R/S, 1988
vs. "I Beg Your Pardon," Kon Kan, 1989
Two songs that helped mainstream sample-heavy electronic dance music. First, a British group hit #13 with a house track featuring samples from James Brown, Eric B, and Rakim, and many more. Then, a Toronto duo made it to #15 with a song that samples GQ, Silver Convention, and Lynn Anderson's country classic "Rose Garden".
Final Score: Volume 24, Pardon 17. This game had a lot of interesting plays that built on old ideas but used new formations to make them different and innovative. But the men from M/A/R/R/S came out on top by being a little more ahead of their time, and a lot less polite. But the losing team still left the field smiling and jolly.
THE IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT, AND THEY FEEL SOMEWHAT LESS THAN FINE BOWL
"1999," Prince, 1983
vs. "The Final Countdown," Europe, 1987
Two songs about civilization-ending cataclysms. Prince got to #12 with a song that predicted that the skies would turn purple and everyone would have a bomb on the last day of the second millennium. Later, a Swedish group climbed to #8 with a song about humanity fleeing a dying Earth to relocating on Venus.
Final Score: 1999 28, Countdown 17. Both teams came out with huge opening plays that sent chills throughout the crowd. But Prince's players just had more firepower, plus early in the second half, they changed the game when a lion somehow emerged from one of the players' pockets. The gang from Europe were so disturbed by the loss that they didn't just leave town, they left the planet entirely.
THE MILD AND CRAZY BOWL
"Wild Wild Life," Talking Heads, 1986
vs. "Hip to be Square," Huey Lewis and the News, 1986
Two songs that celebrate opposing approaches to life. First, the New York New Wavers went to #25 with a song celebrating such crazy activities as wearing fur pyjamas and sleeping on highways. Then, Huey and company hit #3 with a song that says that exercising restraint and discipline is now the height of cool.
Final Score: Square 33, Life 9. This game wasn't even as close as the score would indicate, as the Hipsters' dedication to practice, conditioning, and healthy eating allowed them to run rings around a team who were more interested in wrestling amongst themselves and sitting on their pin-and-needle covered bench. But Huey's team were so dedicated to their conservative strategy that they didn't want to show off by scoring touchdowns, instead getting all their points on eleven field goals. They even gave away two points by unnecessarily conceding a safety. But the strategy worked for this game, and if they continue winning with this approach, it may catch on with other teams.
THE DIFFERING VISIONS OF THE FUTURE BOWL
"I.G.Y. (What a Beautiful World)," Donald Fagen, 1982
vs. "Silent Running," Mike and the Mechanics, 1986
Two hits that paint different pictures of the years to come. Ex-Steely Dan man Fagen went to #26 by picturing a bright, clean future of high-speed underwater trains and spandex jackets. Later, a group led by Genesis' Mike Rutherford hit #6 with a song about an astronaut sending a message to his family back on a war-torn Earth.
Final Score: Running 34, World 14. The Beautiful boys came out with high-flying optimism and visionary ideas, but they were brought down to earth by the Silent squad's relentless, punishing ground attack. Fagen's peaceniks could not hold back a group of Mechanics prepared for war. But they still looked cool in those spandex jackets.
THE LIKE A SEX MACHINE BOWL
"Automatic Man," Michael Sembello, 1983
vs. "Automatic," The Pointer Sisters, 1984
Two songs about the passionate possibilities of robots. Philadelphian Sembello hit #34 with a song about having a mechanical assistant that gets too good at helping its master seduce a woman. Later, an Oakland trio hit #5 with a tune about being erotically manipulated by some sort of machine.
Final Score: Sembello 19, Pointer 10. Although this isn't Sembello's best-known team, he got them to play like mechanical maniacs, and they managed to short-circuit the Pointer defense. But are the Automatic Men built to last, or will their time at this dance be over in a flash?
THE DROWNING IN A DARK SCOTTISH LAKE BOWL
"In the Air Tonight," Phil Collins, 1981
vs."Synchronicity II," The Police, 1983
Two dark, odd-sounding songs that refer to water. The Genesis singer hit #19 with a song about the resentment cause by divorce that uses metaphors that have caused it to be misinterpreted as a story of someone who allowed a drowning person to die. Later, the popular British trio got to #16 with a song about a frustrated man whose growing torment is compared to the awakening of the Loch Ness Monster.
Final Score: Air 38, Synchronicity 24. Both teams played with a lot of anger, and they were even going into the fourth quarter. But then on a punt return, a percussive volley of hard hits that sounded like nothing anyone had ever heard before jarred the ball loose from a Police man, and the Collins defense returned the fumble for a touchdown that gave them the lead for good. The Synchronicity team never heard it coming, and it had the same effect as a humiliating kick in the crotch.
THE PRINT VS. BROADCAST BOWL
"Every Day I Write the Book," Elvis Costello, 1983
vs. "Radio Ga Ga," Queen, 1984
Two hits that refer to aging-but-still popular forms of media, First, Londoner Costello reached #36 with a tune that compares carrying on a romance to writing a novel. A year later, the legendary British group made it to #16 by celebrating the wireless sound transmitter pioneered by Gugliermo Marconi.
Final Score: Radio 55, Book 7. This was no contest, mainly because of the teams' differing methods of signaling plays in from the sidelines. The Queen coach delivered his calls by wireless headset into receivers in the players' helmets, while Costello opted to write them out on signs for his team (and their opponents) to read. The Ga Ga's have yet to have their finest hour, while the Writers need to go back and edit their strategy before they can take the field again.
THE ANXIETY BOWL
"Pressure," Billy Joel, 1982
vs. "Paranoimia," The Art of Noise with Max Headroom, 1986
Two songs about feeling stressed. Billy hit #20 with a frantic rocker about trying to deal with the weight of the world. Then, a British electronic group teamed up with a stuttering, supposedly computer-generated humanoid character to hit #34 with a song about being frightened and unable to sleep.
Final Score: Paranoimia 48, Pressure 10. With their wide-awake, stuttery approach to the game, the Noise boys applied so much force to Billy's team that no amount of faith or Peter Pan advice could help them deal with it. Will fear and insomnia take their toll on the Art team, or will they be able to max out their potential?
It's Britain again next time. See you then.
Friday, November 8, 2019
...And As Years Go By: CT50 October 31, 1979
Halloween 1987. On this day, the Reform Party of Canada was formed. Some would say that was not a coincidence. I will decline comment. Meanwhile, these were the tricks and treats the pop chart had to offer.
Bonus Track #1: 66 - "Dream Girl," FM (CanCon!)
This Toronto band was known for their science-fiction lyrics, and the fact that their frontman, Jeff "Nash the Slash" Plewman, performed while wearing a top hat and tails, with his face wrapped in bandages and sunglasses perched upon his nose. While mainly dealing in prog rock, they had a pop side which produced two mid-80s Top 50 hits, the second being this rock love song whose only offbeat element is a subtle reference to past lives. Nice enough radio fodder, but not typical of the stuff that made their legend.
Bonus Track #2: 58 - "You Make Me Love You," Roger Hodgson
Hodgson was a founding member of Supertramp, and the voice of most of their iconic 70s hits. After leaving the band in 1983, he released a solo album which sold well and garnered decent airplay. But just before the release of his second LP, he suffered two broken wrists in a household fall, which sidelined him from promoting the record and almost certainly contributed to the disappointing performance of this single. Although I would say that this isn't very good: just bland soft rock delivered sleepily. For a better solo single, track down 1984's "Had a Dream (Sleeping with the Enemy."
Bonus Track #3: 57 - "Oh Yeah," Yello
The Swiss duo of Dieter Meier and Boris Blank were electronic music pioneers in the 80s, but they achieved their greatest success when this 1985 track was remixed and re-released after its attention-grabbing use in the films Ferris Bueller's Day Off and The Secret of My Success. Indelible for its distorted growls about the beauty of the moon and sun, as well as those "chick, chicka-chickAAAHH"s, it wasn't a major chart hit in most countries, but media licensing of the track has paid handsomely, and Meier has reported turned his share into a fortune of over $100 million through savvy investments. Ohhhhhhhh...goody.
45 - "Ordinary People," The Box (CanCon!)
Coming late to the Cold War anxiety party famously attended by Elton John ("Nikita") and Sting ("Russians"), the Montreal band picked up a Top Twenty with this pop-rock tune about how beyond the political bluster, people on both sides of the Iron Curtain just want to go about their lives and be happy. Snippets of both superpowers' anthems are played, and singer Jean-Marc Pisapia even wonders if there's a "Russian Sting" (and a "Soviet Rambo"). Not the most profound political commentary, but a fine pop song.
43 - "Rain," Michael Breen (CanCon!)
Quebec native Michel Pepin anglicized his name to appeal to the English-language market, and he managed one hit with this bit of indistinct CanPop. Nothing to remember.
41 - "Notorious," Loverboy (CanCon!)
One might think that the Vancouver boys would fit right into the late-80s hair-metal scene, but this would be their last hit, and it failed to reach the Top Twenty on either side of the border. This despite the return of lomgtime producer Bruce Fairbairn, who was now red-hot after multiplatinum success with Bon Jovi and being entrusted to give Aerosmith their comeback. I wonder if it was because they weren't sure what side they wanted to approach from. Their are synths here, indicating a desire to attract the girls who liked Jon Bon, but there's also a harmonica solo, which signaled a bid for some Toxic Twins-style grit. Perhaps in the end, trying to please both pleased neither. Outside of that context, it's boilerplate, dumb-lust Loverboy, which to me isn't good or bad, it just is.
37 - "Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now," Samantha Fox
The Page 3 queen's third U.K. Top Ten flopped in America but went Top 30 here. It's a S/A/W production, just as Rick Astley was heating up and Kylie Minogue was waiting to be unleashed. This isn't much, but Kylie would have added a lot. When they talked about the healthy set of "lungs" on Sam, however, they weren't referring to her voice.
26 - "Stay With Me," Tu (CanCon!)
Toronto twins Amanda and Cassandra DiBlasi first tried their hand at country, landing an appearance on the CBC's Tommy Hunter Show in 1985. They turned to dance-pop and managed a Top Ten with this single, then disappeared. It's catchy enough to sound good on the radio for about a month before provoking dial-turning. Hey, even accomplishing that just one time is something many aspire to but few achieve, so fair play to them.
21 - "Last of the Red Hot Fools," The Jitters (CanCon!)
It's appropriate that one of this Toronto band's big breaks was opening for Huey Lewis and the News, because they have the same rock/soul vibe. Overall, I'd say they were on that same level, but inferior to the better version of both bands, Doug and The Slugs. But this is good for what it is. And for the record, I though they did okay when they tried to go dark and alternative three years later, but I'm not surprised at the failure of that gambit.
19 - "Contact," Platinum Blonde (CanCon!)
The Toronto synth poppers were just two years removed from scoring the rare feat of having a domestic #1 that didn't even chart in America with "Crying Over You" when they released this title track to their third album. It's lust-minded pop-rock, but it doesn't have the new-wave edge of their previous material. But it's better than I remembered.
18 - "Try," Blue Rodeo (CanCon!)
The hit that immediately made the Toronto country-rockers one of the nation's best-loved and most-respected bands. Jim Cuddy bleeds his unrequited love directly into your ears, and that weeping guitar and mournful organ could rend the sturdiest heart. In a just world, this is known and loved by everyone everywhere. Needless to say, it's a Certified Can-Con Classic.
17 - "Dance Desire," Haywire (CanCon!)
The only Top Ten for the pride of P.E.I. was this bit of catchy hard rock. Just okay, but the best they ever did. Arguably, they were doing Loverboy better than the actual Loverboy was at the time.
15 - "Together (The New Wedding Song)," Joey Gregorash (CanCon!)
This Winnipeg singer-songwriter was fifteen years removed from his run of four Top Twenty hits when the flip side of a 1984 charity single for a local children's hospital, a song he had created for a friend's wedding, was discovered by a DJ and became a national Top Ten. It's what you might expect: earnest, sappy, and smelling of banquet halls and drunken uncles. Someone must think this sort of thing is romantic, but it sure isn't me.
10 - "When Smokey Sings," ABC
The Sheffield sophisticates went Top Five in North America with their slick tribute to Mr. Robinson, but it only got to #25 at home. I'm with them, This is too polished for me, and I like Martin Fry better when he's bitter and sarcastic.
9 - "Lost in Emotion," Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
Unlike "Head to Toe," which we made a cross-border #1, we didn't cooperate on this one, holding it to #7. Another result I agree with. This is a weaker song, buoyed by production.
8 - "Bad," Michael Jackson
Surprisingly, this only went to #1 in the States, held to the Top Five in the other Crown countries. In fact, only "Billie Jean" and "Black or White" got Triple Crowns. That seems light. I would have guessed five at the least.
7 - "Causing a Commotion," Madonna
Speaking of Triple Crowns, Madge has four. But this isn't one. It was #2 in the States, #4 in the Kingdom, and this high here. A 2-4-7. Call it an All Day. One of her average singles.
6 - "La Bamba," Los Lobos
The Wolves of L.A. got the Triple Crown with their cover of a Mexican folk song via Richie Valens. Still exuberance and joy. And I still hope to someday be a capitan instead of a mere marinero.
5 - "Only in My Dreams," Debbie Gibson
The Brooklyn teen's peppy debut got to 4, 6, and 11 in America, Canada and Britain respectively. Those sound like the times for weekday local TV news. Call it an Irv Weinstein, after the Buffalo anchorlord of my youth.
4 - "I Heard a Rumour," Bananarama
The trio got highest here with this one, making it to #2. That's a fact. But it's not much more than middling S/A/W material.
3 - "Paper in Fire," John Mellencamp
Only we made the former Cougar's incendiary critique of empty lifestyles a #1. I can sign off on that. Possibly his best.
2 - "Here I Go Again," Whitesnake
Their revamp of their 1982 single captured the North American legs of the Triple Crown. Speaking of legs, I wonder what Tawny Kitaen is up to these days.
1 - "Mony Mony," Billy Idol
Officially, the live version of his Tommy James cover was the single that was the cross-border #1. But I remember most stations playing the studio version, Apparently, he recently did a new version where he does the infamous obscene chant. I don't think I want to hear it. Subversion always suffers when it's condoned.
Next time we're doing more tournament. Join me for that when it happens.
Bonus Track #1: 66 - "Dream Girl," FM (CanCon!)
This Toronto band was known for their science-fiction lyrics, and the fact that their frontman, Jeff "Nash the Slash" Plewman, performed while wearing a top hat and tails, with his face wrapped in bandages and sunglasses perched upon his nose. While mainly dealing in prog rock, they had a pop side which produced two mid-80s Top 50 hits, the second being this rock love song whose only offbeat element is a subtle reference to past lives. Nice enough radio fodder, but not typical of the stuff that made their legend.
Bonus Track #2: 58 - "You Make Me Love You," Roger Hodgson
Hodgson was a founding member of Supertramp, and the voice of most of their iconic 70s hits. After leaving the band in 1983, he released a solo album which sold well and garnered decent airplay. But just before the release of his second LP, he suffered two broken wrists in a household fall, which sidelined him from promoting the record and almost certainly contributed to the disappointing performance of this single. Although I would say that this isn't very good: just bland soft rock delivered sleepily. For a better solo single, track down 1984's "Had a Dream (Sleeping with the Enemy."
Bonus Track #3: 57 - "Oh Yeah," Yello
The Swiss duo of Dieter Meier and Boris Blank were electronic music pioneers in the 80s, but they achieved their greatest success when this 1985 track was remixed and re-released after its attention-grabbing use in the films Ferris Bueller's Day Off and The Secret of My Success. Indelible for its distorted growls about the beauty of the moon and sun, as well as those "chick, chicka-chickAAAHH"s, it wasn't a major chart hit in most countries, but media licensing of the track has paid handsomely, and Meier has reported turned his share into a fortune of over $100 million through savvy investments. Ohhhhhhhh...goody.
45 - "Ordinary People," The Box (CanCon!)
Coming late to the Cold War anxiety party famously attended by Elton John ("Nikita") and Sting ("Russians"), the Montreal band picked up a Top Twenty with this pop-rock tune about how beyond the political bluster, people on both sides of the Iron Curtain just want to go about their lives and be happy. Snippets of both superpowers' anthems are played, and singer Jean-Marc Pisapia even wonders if there's a "Russian Sting" (and a "Soviet Rambo"). Not the most profound political commentary, but a fine pop song.
43 - "Rain," Michael Breen (CanCon!)
Quebec native Michel Pepin anglicized his name to appeal to the English-language market, and he managed one hit with this bit of indistinct CanPop. Nothing to remember.
41 - "Notorious," Loverboy (CanCon!)
One might think that the Vancouver boys would fit right into the late-80s hair-metal scene, but this would be their last hit, and it failed to reach the Top Twenty on either side of the border. This despite the return of lomgtime producer Bruce Fairbairn, who was now red-hot after multiplatinum success with Bon Jovi and being entrusted to give Aerosmith their comeback. I wonder if it was because they weren't sure what side they wanted to approach from. Their are synths here, indicating a desire to attract the girls who liked Jon Bon, but there's also a harmonica solo, which signaled a bid for some Toxic Twins-style grit. Perhaps in the end, trying to please both pleased neither. Outside of that context, it's boilerplate, dumb-lust Loverboy, which to me isn't good or bad, it just is.
37 - "Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now," Samantha Fox
The Page 3 queen's third U.K. Top Ten flopped in America but went Top 30 here. It's a S/A/W production, just as Rick Astley was heating up and Kylie Minogue was waiting to be unleashed. This isn't much, but Kylie would have added a lot. When they talked about the healthy set of "lungs" on Sam, however, they weren't referring to her voice.
26 - "Stay With Me," Tu (CanCon!)
Toronto twins Amanda and Cassandra DiBlasi first tried their hand at country, landing an appearance on the CBC's Tommy Hunter Show in 1985. They turned to dance-pop and managed a Top Ten with this single, then disappeared. It's catchy enough to sound good on the radio for about a month before provoking dial-turning. Hey, even accomplishing that just one time is something many aspire to but few achieve, so fair play to them.
21 - "Last of the Red Hot Fools," The Jitters (CanCon!)
It's appropriate that one of this Toronto band's big breaks was opening for Huey Lewis and the News, because they have the same rock/soul vibe. Overall, I'd say they were on that same level, but inferior to the better version of both bands, Doug and The Slugs. But this is good for what it is. And for the record, I though they did okay when they tried to go dark and alternative three years later, but I'm not surprised at the failure of that gambit.
19 - "Contact," Platinum Blonde (CanCon!)
The Toronto synth poppers were just two years removed from scoring the rare feat of having a domestic #1 that didn't even chart in America with "Crying Over You" when they released this title track to their third album. It's lust-minded pop-rock, but it doesn't have the new-wave edge of their previous material. But it's better than I remembered.
18 - "Try," Blue Rodeo (CanCon!)
The hit that immediately made the Toronto country-rockers one of the nation's best-loved and most-respected bands. Jim Cuddy bleeds his unrequited love directly into your ears, and that weeping guitar and mournful organ could rend the sturdiest heart. In a just world, this is known and loved by everyone everywhere. Needless to say, it's a Certified Can-Con Classic.
17 - "Dance Desire," Haywire (CanCon!)
The only Top Ten for the pride of P.E.I. was this bit of catchy hard rock. Just okay, but the best they ever did. Arguably, they were doing Loverboy better than the actual Loverboy was at the time.
15 - "Together (The New Wedding Song)," Joey Gregorash (CanCon!)
This Winnipeg singer-songwriter was fifteen years removed from his run of four Top Twenty hits when the flip side of a 1984 charity single for a local children's hospital, a song he had created for a friend's wedding, was discovered by a DJ and became a national Top Ten. It's what you might expect: earnest, sappy, and smelling of banquet halls and drunken uncles. Someone must think this sort of thing is romantic, but it sure isn't me.
10 - "When Smokey Sings," ABC
The Sheffield sophisticates went Top Five in North America with their slick tribute to Mr. Robinson, but it only got to #25 at home. I'm with them, This is too polished for me, and I like Martin Fry better when he's bitter and sarcastic.
9 - "Lost in Emotion," Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
Unlike "Head to Toe," which we made a cross-border #1, we didn't cooperate on this one, holding it to #7. Another result I agree with. This is a weaker song, buoyed by production.
8 - "Bad," Michael Jackson
Surprisingly, this only went to #1 in the States, held to the Top Five in the other Crown countries. In fact, only "Billie Jean" and "Black or White" got Triple Crowns. That seems light. I would have guessed five at the least.
7 - "Causing a Commotion," Madonna
Speaking of Triple Crowns, Madge has four. But this isn't one. It was #2 in the States, #4 in the Kingdom, and this high here. A 2-4-7. Call it an All Day. One of her average singles.
6 - "La Bamba," Los Lobos
The Wolves of L.A. got the Triple Crown with their cover of a Mexican folk song via Richie Valens. Still exuberance and joy. And I still hope to someday be a capitan instead of a mere marinero.
5 - "Only in My Dreams," Debbie Gibson
The Brooklyn teen's peppy debut got to 4, 6, and 11 in America, Canada and Britain respectively. Those sound like the times for weekday local TV news. Call it an Irv Weinstein, after the Buffalo anchorlord of my youth.
4 - "I Heard a Rumour," Bananarama
The trio got highest here with this one, making it to #2. That's a fact. But it's not much more than middling S/A/W material.
3 - "Paper in Fire," John Mellencamp
Only we made the former Cougar's incendiary critique of empty lifestyles a #1. I can sign off on that. Possibly his best.
2 - "Here I Go Again," Whitesnake
Their revamp of their 1982 single captured the North American legs of the Triple Crown. Speaking of legs, I wonder what Tawny Kitaen is up to these days.
1 - "Mony Mony," Billy Idol
Officially, the live version of his Tommy James cover was the single that was the cross-border #1. But I remember most stations playing the studio version, Apparently, he recently did a new version where he does the infamous obscene chant. I don't think I want to hear it. Subversion always suffers when it's condoned.
Next time we're doing more tournament. Join me for that when it happens.
Saturday, November 2, 2019
AOMA: UKT40 October 24, 1981 Part Two
20 - "Pretend," Alvin Stardust
Bernie J. had a comeback hit with a Shakin' Stevens imitation. Shakin' Shaky, as Al Needham might say. And an apt title for it, too.
19 - "Labelled with Love," Squeeze
The band's last Top Five, a country song about an old woman whose story goes deeper than the squalid surface of her current life. Should be near the top of any list of best country songs by in-country artists.
18 - "Hold Me," B.A. Robertson and Maggie Bell
Another spin of these Scots' rock love duet. Still noting much to grab on to.
17 - "Endless Love," Diana Ross and Lionel Richie
Li and Di's evergreen soundtrack ballad met the same fate as "Physical," being denied the Triple Crown with a #7 from the Brits. I think this one is the greater injustice.
16 - "Let's Hang On," Barry Manilow
For some reason, Barry had three times as many hits here in this decade than he did in the 70s, including this route Four Seasons cover. Maybe it took them that long to get over him covering and Englishman's song, changing the name, and getting to #1 in America with it.
15 - "Shut Up," Madness
The Nutty Boys' seventh Top Ten was this song about denying responsibility for wrongdoing. You could post this on Trump's Twitter account and no one would know the difference. Wouldn't be as fun to experience, though.
14 - "Prince Charming," Adam and the Ants
The Ants' second and last #1. Still one of the great anthems to letting one's freak flag fly. Ridicule really is nothing to be scared of.
13 - "Hands Up (Give Me Your Heart)," Ottawan
The second of two Top Fives for the French disco outfit. Maybe because I'm writing this on Halloween, I'm imagining that this is actually about organ harvesting. At least they'll kiss you before doing it.
12 - "Just Can't Get Enough," Depeche Mode
Their first Top Ten, and the defining song of the Vince Clarke era. Simplistic brilliance. Possibly New Wave's stickiest earworm.
11 - "Walkin' in the Sunshine," Bad Manners
Buster Bloodvessel's boys had their third Top Ten with this head-bobber about drowning one's sorrows in red wine. The best thing I've heard from them so far.
10 - "It's Raining," Shakin' Steven's
The real Shaky, this time with a cover of a 1961 Irma Thomas track about loneliness and pathetic fallacy. He does pretty well with it. This makes me see how he became so big in this decade.
9 - "A Good Year for the Roses," Elvis Costello
Another spin for the George Jones cover that became EC's third Top Ten. It's a different vocal approach, but the tears flow just the same.
8 - "Under Your Thumb," Godley and Creme
Another look at the haunting synth song about the ghost of a female suicide that was the first and biggest hit for these former 10cc-ers and future video directors. One of the great story-songs-with-a-twist of all time.
7 - "Absolute Beginners," The Jam
The Mod legends indulge their affinity for horn-drenched soul on this tune about staying positive while the world crumbles around you. Weller at his happiest,
6 - "Open You Heart," The Human League
The second Top Ten for the Sheffield synth stars was this pretty pop song about avoiding the temptation to be constantly on guard. Strangely enough, they would make the case against that idea with their next single,"Don't You Want Me."
5 - "Happy Birthday," Altered Images
The first and biggest hit for these Glaswegians was this bouncy tune about being thrown a surprise party while your in the bath. I think that's it. A little twee for me. I'm more of an "I Could Be Happy" kinda guy.
4 - "Thunder in the Mountains," Toyah
Revisiting Ms. Wilcox's joint biggest hit. She's wailing about nasty weather over jittery synths. This is one I wish hadn't struck here twice.
3 - "Birdie Song," The Tweets
British producer Henry Hadaway's take on the chicken dance thing. I'm not going to waste time trying to contrast it with the Electronicas' version, because I've got something much more interesting to cover.
2 - "O Superman," Laurie Anderson
From the Chicago suburb of Glen Ellyn, Anderson is a performance artist, inventor of electronic musical instruments, composer, filmmaker, and widow of Lou Reed. And she also scored one of the most unlikely hit singles ever when Radio 1 DJ John Peel got this on the Stanton's playlist, creating a demand that essentially forced her to leave her tiny indie label to sign with Warner Bros. It's an eight-minute piece with no percussion track, just Anderson's voice through a vocoder and some synth sounds, with some saxophone at the very end. Influenced by opera, the Tao Te Ching, and a failed U.S. military mission, it's a depiction of someone being mysteriously warned of an impending attack by "American planes, made in America." It's about hope, doom, and longing to be in the bosom of Mother. It sounds like the furthest thing from a hit single, but it is certainly unforgettable, and something most listeners are going to feel passionate about one way or another. Uneasy Rider? This is beyond that. It's the most stunning intrusion of the avant-garde into the mainstream I'm aware of. This should have never became a hit, but thank God it did. This is the real madness on the chart this week.
1 - "It's My Party," Dave Stewart and Barbara Gaskin
The strange synthpop Lesley Gore cover by the non-Eurythmic and his vocal collaborator. Of course, it sounds extremely conventional compared to "O Superman," but still, it completes what has to be the oddest 1-2 pop chart punch anywhere ever.
To Canada next. See you up there.
Bernie J. had a comeback hit with a Shakin' Stevens imitation. Shakin' Shaky, as Al Needham might say. And an apt title for it, too.
19 - "Labelled with Love," Squeeze
The band's last Top Five, a country song about an old woman whose story goes deeper than the squalid surface of her current life. Should be near the top of any list of best country songs by in-country artists.
18 - "Hold Me," B.A. Robertson and Maggie Bell
Another spin of these Scots' rock love duet. Still noting much to grab on to.
17 - "Endless Love," Diana Ross and Lionel Richie
Li and Di's evergreen soundtrack ballad met the same fate as "Physical," being denied the Triple Crown with a #7 from the Brits. I think this one is the greater injustice.
16 - "Let's Hang On," Barry Manilow
For some reason, Barry had three times as many hits here in this decade than he did in the 70s, including this route Four Seasons cover. Maybe it took them that long to get over him covering and Englishman's song, changing the name, and getting to #1 in America with it.
15 - "Shut Up," Madness
The Nutty Boys' seventh Top Ten was this song about denying responsibility for wrongdoing. You could post this on Trump's Twitter account and no one would know the difference. Wouldn't be as fun to experience, though.
14 - "Prince Charming," Adam and the Ants
The Ants' second and last #1. Still one of the great anthems to letting one's freak flag fly. Ridicule really is nothing to be scared of.
13 - "Hands Up (Give Me Your Heart)," Ottawan
The second of two Top Fives for the French disco outfit. Maybe because I'm writing this on Halloween, I'm imagining that this is actually about organ harvesting. At least they'll kiss you before doing it.
12 - "Just Can't Get Enough," Depeche Mode
Their first Top Ten, and the defining song of the Vince Clarke era. Simplistic brilliance. Possibly New Wave's stickiest earworm.
11 - "Walkin' in the Sunshine," Bad Manners
Buster Bloodvessel's boys had their third Top Ten with this head-bobber about drowning one's sorrows in red wine. The best thing I've heard from them so far.
10 - "It's Raining," Shakin' Steven's
The real Shaky, this time with a cover of a 1961 Irma Thomas track about loneliness and pathetic fallacy. He does pretty well with it. This makes me see how he became so big in this decade.
9 - "A Good Year for the Roses," Elvis Costello
Another spin for the George Jones cover that became EC's third Top Ten. It's a different vocal approach, but the tears flow just the same.
8 - "Under Your Thumb," Godley and Creme
Another look at the haunting synth song about the ghost of a female suicide that was the first and biggest hit for these former 10cc-ers and future video directors. One of the great story-songs-with-a-twist of all time.
7 - "Absolute Beginners," The Jam
The Mod legends indulge their affinity for horn-drenched soul on this tune about staying positive while the world crumbles around you. Weller at his happiest,
6 - "Open You Heart," The Human League
The second Top Ten for the Sheffield synth stars was this pretty pop song about avoiding the temptation to be constantly on guard. Strangely enough, they would make the case against that idea with their next single,"Don't You Want Me."
5 - "Happy Birthday," Altered Images
The first and biggest hit for these Glaswegians was this bouncy tune about being thrown a surprise party while your in the bath. I think that's it. A little twee for me. I'm more of an "I Could Be Happy" kinda guy.
4 - "Thunder in the Mountains," Toyah
Revisiting Ms. Wilcox's joint biggest hit. She's wailing about nasty weather over jittery synths. This is one I wish hadn't struck here twice.
3 - "Birdie Song," The Tweets
British producer Henry Hadaway's take on the chicken dance thing. I'm not going to waste time trying to contrast it with the Electronicas' version, because I've got something much more interesting to cover.
2 - "O Superman," Laurie Anderson
From the Chicago suburb of Glen Ellyn, Anderson is a performance artist, inventor of electronic musical instruments, composer, filmmaker, and widow of Lou Reed. And she also scored one of the most unlikely hit singles ever when Radio 1 DJ John Peel got this on the Stanton's playlist, creating a demand that essentially forced her to leave her tiny indie label to sign with Warner Bros. It's an eight-minute piece with no percussion track, just Anderson's voice through a vocoder and some synth sounds, with some saxophone at the very end. Influenced by opera, the Tao Te Ching, and a failed U.S. military mission, it's a depiction of someone being mysteriously warned of an impending attack by "American planes, made in America." It's about hope, doom, and longing to be in the bosom of Mother. It sounds like the furthest thing from a hit single, but it is certainly unforgettable, and something most listeners are going to feel passionate about one way or another. Uneasy Rider? This is beyond that. It's the most stunning intrusion of the avant-garde into the mainstream I'm aware of. This should have never became a hit, but thank God it did. This is the real madness on the chart this week.
1 - "It's My Party," Dave Stewart and Barbara Gaskin
The strange synthpop Lesley Gore cover by the non-Eurythmic and his vocal collaborator. Of course, it sounds extremely conventional compared to "O Superman," but still, it completes what has to be the oddest 1-2 pop chart punch anywhere ever.
To Canada next. See you up there.
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