20 - "Pretend," Alvin Stardust
Bernie J. had a comeback hit with a Shakin' Stevens imitation. Shakin' Shaky, as Al Needham might say. And an apt title for it, too.
19 - "Labelled with Love," Squeeze
The band's last Top Five, a country song about an old woman whose story goes deeper than the squalid surface of her current life. Should be near the top of any list of best country songs by in-country artists.
18 - "Hold Me," B.A. Robertson and Maggie Bell
Another spin of these Scots' rock love duet. Still noting much to grab on to.
17 - "Endless Love," Diana Ross and Lionel Richie
Li and Di's evergreen soundtrack ballad met the same fate as "Physical," being denied the Triple Crown with a #7 from the Brits. I think this one is the greater injustice.
16 - "Let's Hang On," Barry Manilow
For some reason, Barry had three times as many hits here in this decade than he did in the 70s, including this route Four Seasons cover. Maybe it took them that long to get over him covering and Englishman's song, changing the name, and getting to #1 in America with it.
15 - "Shut Up," Madness
The Nutty Boys' seventh Top Ten was this song about denying responsibility for wrongdoing. You could post this on Trump's Twitter account and no one would know the difference. Wouldn't be as fun to experience, though.
14 - "Prince Charming," Adam and the Ants
The Ants' second and last #1. Still one of the great anthems to letting one's freak flag fly. Ridicule really is nothing to be scared of.
13 - "Hands Up (Give Me Your Heart)," Ottawan
The second of two Top Fives for the French disco outfit. Maybe because I'm writing this on Halloween, I'm imagining that this is actually about organ harvesting. At least they'll kiss you before doing it.
12 - "Just Can't Get Enough," Depeche Mode
Their first Top Ten, and the defining song of the Vince Clarke era. Simplistic brilliance. Possibly New Wave's stickiest earworm.
11 - "Walkin' in the Sunshine," Bad Manners
Buster Bloodvessel's boys had their third Top Ten with this head-bobber about drowning one's sorrows in red wine. The best thing I've heard from them so far.
10 - "It's Raining," Shakin' Steven's
The real Shaky, this time with a cover of a 1961 Irma Thomas track about loneliness and pathetic fallacy. He does pretty well with it. This makes me see how he became so big in this decade.
9 - "A Good Year for the Roses," Elvis Costello
Another spin for the George Jones cover that became EC's third Top Ten. It's a different vocal approach, but the tears flow just the same.
8 - "Under Your Thumb," Godley and Creme
Another look at the haunting synth song about the ghost of a female suicide that was the first and biggest hit for these former 10cc-ers and future video directors. One of the great story-songs-with-a-twist of all time.
7 - "Absolute Beginners," The Jam
The Mod legends indulge their affinity for horn-drenched soul on this tune about staying positive while the world crumbles around you. Weller at his happiest,
6 - "Open You Heart," The Human League
The second Top Ten for the Sheffield synth stars was this pretty pop song about avoiding the temptation to be constantly on guard. Strangely enough, they would make the case against that idea with their next single,"Don't You Want Me."
5 - "Happy Birthday," Altered Images
The first and biggest hit for these Glaswegians was this bouncy tune about being thrown a surprise party while your in the bath. I think that's it. A little twee for me. I'm more of an "I Could Be Happy" kinda guy.
4 - "Thunder in the Mountains," Toyah
Revisiting Ms. Wilcox's joint biggest hit. She's wailing about nasty weather over jittery synths. This is one I wish hadn't struck here twice.
3 - "Birdie Song," The Tweets
British producer Henry Hadaway's take on the chicken dance thing. I'm not going to waste time trying to contrast it with the Electronicas' version, because I've got something much more interesting to cover.
2 - "O Superman," Laurie Anderson
From the Chicago suburb of Glen Ellyn, Anderson is a performance artist, inventor of electronic musical instruments, composer, filmmaker, and widow of Lou Reed. And she also scored one of the most unlikely hit singles ever when Radio 1 DJ John Peel got this on the Stanton's playlist, creating a demand that essentially forced her to leave her tiny indie label to sign with Warner Bros. It's an eight-minute piece with no percussion track, just Anderson's voice through a vocoder and some synth sounds, with some saxophone at the very end. Influenced by opera, the Tao Te Ching, and a failed U.S. military mission, it's a depiction of someone being mysteriously warned of an impending attack by "American planes, made in America." It's about hope, doom, and longing to be in the bosom of Mother. It sounds like the furthest thing from a hit single, but it is certainly unforgettable, and something most listeners are going to feel passionate about one way or another. Uneasy Rider? This is beyond that. It's the most stunning intrusion of the avant-garde into the mainstream I'm aware of. This should have never became a hit, but thank God it did. This is the real madness on the chart this week.
1 - "It's My Party," Dave Stewart and Barbara Gaskin
The strange synthpop Lesley Gore cover by the non-Eurythmic and his vocal collaborator. Of course, it sounds extremely conventional compared to "O Superman," but still, it completes what has to be the oddest 1-2 pop chart punch anywhere ever.
To Canada next. See you up there.
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