September 1991. The governor of the Bank of England announced that the recession in Britain was about to end. Here are the ways record buyers were contributing to the economic recovery.
40 - "Happy Together," Jason Donovan
The tenth and final Top Ten for the Aussie soap actor was this cover of the evergreen 1967 Turtles hit. Basically a well-produced cruise ship/holiday camp version.
39 - "Make it Tonight," Wet Wet Wet
The drenched Scots had their tenth hit with this ballad about looking for a love to take solace from this crazy world in. They put more effort into this than the song is worth,
38 - "Try," Bros
The final hit for Surrey's Goss twins was this dance-pop environmental anthem. Whichever one is singing tries his best Michael Jackson imitation, but they don't have anywhere near the self-serious gravitas MJ would have lent to it. Jarvis Cocker wouldn't have been the least bit tempted to wave his ass at them.
37 - "Dominator," Human Resource
The biggest hit for this Dutch group was a swirling, almost grating techno-rap track. It has a distinctive sound, but not necessarily a pleasant one.
36 - "Be Young Be Foolish Be Happy," Sonia
The eighth hit for Ms. Evan's of Liverpool was this cover of a song by a group we encountered on our last visit to Britain, The Tams. Slick, synthesized faux-soul. She fit better with Stock/Aitken/Waterman.
35 - "Housecall," Shabba Ranks featuring Maxi Priest
Jamaican dancehall toaster Rexton Gordon teamed up with London singer Priest on this. From what I can make out, Mr. Ranks wants to be your "boiler man" and is able to make your "choo-choo like a train." If that sounds like what you're into, look him up, I guess.
34 - "I Wanna be Adored," The Stone Roses
This Manchester band became the darlings of the British music press with their 1989 debut album, whose mix of psychedelia and dance beats helped kick off the Madchester era. Unfortunately, a dispute with their record label caused a five-year wait for their second LP, so they kept on the scene with reissues of singles that had flopped the first time around, like this one. A lot of their stuff leaves me cold, and this is no exception. It's like a Nirvana song, only whinier and less energetic. I'm certainly not giving these guys what they're asking for here.
33 - "Word is Out," Kylie Minogue
Overall, Kylie was doing better than her TV hubby Donovan, and unlike Sonia, she was still with S/A/W (although it was now just S/W, because Matt Aitken had left. But she was still going through a bit of a dip, as this would break her streak of 13 straight Top Tens. It's a breezy call-out of a cheater, delivered well. The chart performance would seem to be indicative of changing public tastes rather than a dip in quality. Spoiler alert: she'd eventually recover,
32 - "Bridge Over Troubled Water," PJB featuring Hannah and Her Sisters
Hertfordshire's Peter John Bellotte is most famous for working with Donna Summer and Giorgio Moroder on disco classics like "Hot Stuff" and "I Feel Love." Here, he produces singer Hannah Jones on a disco/Hi-NRG cover of Simon and Garfunkel's timeless song-hug. It's a better remake than Jason Donovan's for sure, but there's no reason for me to hear it ever again.
31 - "Nutbush City Limits (90s Version)," Tina Turner
Tina did this house cover of her and Ike's 1973 hit reminiscence of her Tennessee hometown for a greatest hits album. On one level it's kind of cheesy, but on another, it's an admirable effort to reclaim her history from her abusive ex. I prefer the original aesthetically, but I have no problem at all with this.
30 - "All 4 Love," Color Me Badd
The second home #1 for the boy band from Oklahoma City went Top Five here. No one's sexing anyone up, no one's showing off their high school Spanish; it's just a jaunty R&B/pop song. Therefore, it's the best of a bad lot. No points deducted for the non-embarrassing spoken word bridge, but a couple taken off for stealing the number gimmick from Prince.
29 - "Saltwater," Julian Lennon
The inspiration for "Hey Jude" was done having hits in America, but John and Cynthia's boy picked up his second home Top Ten with a ballad lamenting environmental destruction. A decent enough stab at the social consciousness his dad was famous for. And it's interesting how environmentalism was so prevalent in the charts at this time. Maybe we could use some of that now.
28 - "The One I Love," R.E.M.
The Georgians jangly, deceptive anti-love song was their mainstream breakthrough in all the Triple Crown countries. It's not a simple prop, but it's a great way to occupy your time.
27 - "The Big L," Roxette
The sixth hit from the Swedish duo was this jaunty pop-rock celebration of love, which is what the title refers to. Catchy, with a surprise harmonica bit that charmed me, Not sure why it wasn't a single in North America.
26 - "More Than Words," Extreme
The Boston pop-metalists' breakthrough hit came up one chart place here of the Triple Crown. Is this acoustic ballad an attempt to subtly pressure someone into sex, or is it more benign than that. You be the judge. Unless you think Gary Cherone's stint in Van Halen was a good idea, in which case your judgment cannot be trusted.
25 - "Such a Good Feeling," Brothers in Rhythm
This British production trio did many remixes for other artists in the 90s, but their only hit on their own was this mediocre house track. Very meh.
24 - "More to Life," Cliff Richard
Welcome to Watch Out for the Cliff!, my new name for any time we come across one of the numerous hits from the inexhaustible career of Mr. Richard. This time, it's a midtempo soft-rocker that served as the theme for a TV drama about a horse racing trainer. Lyrics about running free and such are delivered over a bland backing track. Cliff is committed, but it doesn't seem like anyone else is. This Cliff isn't very high, and very easily avoided, but even if you do go over, it's a drop so short that you'll be able to spring back to your feet and go back about your business.
23 - "Set Adrift on Memory Bliss," PM Dawn
New Jersey's Cordes brothers became the first African-American rap act to hit #1 in America with this single, which was held to #3 here and #9 in Canada. I think it deserved better. It's a mellow, mesmerizing groove, powered in part by a sample of Spandau Ballet's "True" and shouting out Christina Applegate years before Amchorman. This holds up.
22 - "Makin' Happy," Crystal Waters
Another New Jerseyite, this oddly-voiced dance diva followed up the social commentary of debut hit "Gypsy Woman (She's Homeless)" with this silly sex song. The sound her larynx and lungs produce can be charming or grating depending on the song and/or your mood. On this one, at this time, I liked it.
21 - "Trust," Ned's Atomic Dustbin
The second hit for the West Midlands group that could have been called Edward's Radioactive Garbagecan was this rock song about feeling out of control. Unspectacular British indie. No flavour or passion.
In Part Two: an overabundance of attractiveness, royalty of both the criminal and non-criminal variety, and a saviour from the future.
Friday, September 27, 2019
Sunday, September 22, 2019
The Old Man's Ultimate Tournament of Uneasy Riders of the Eighties (OMUTURE): Round 1, Part One
Well, I'm doing this again. The first one was a lot of fun to put together, but I have a lot of regrets about certain selections and omissions. I'm certain we would have arrived at the same conclusion, but still. But I will say it has made me even more discerning about selecting the entries for this edition, and I feel confident that I will be kicking myself much less about what I put in and what I left out.
So here we go. Once again, we're starting with 256 songs that peaked inside the Top 40 of the Billboard Hot 100. All of these are songs that have something that made them stand out from the usual pop songs. It could be sound, subject matter, novelty, comedy, the introduction of a new style, the revival of an old style, or some other undefinable quality that just makes them seem unusual. And the first round being the most involved, I've didivided it into eight brackets containing 32 songs each. And once again, I'm portraying the matchups as American football bowl games.
So here we go.
THE LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT 'NAM BOWL
"Still in Saigon," The Charlie Daniels Band, 1982
vs. "Walking on a Thin Line," Huey Lewis and the News, 1984
Two songs about the aftermath of the Vietnam war for the soldiers who fought it. North Carolina country-rocker Daniels and his band went to #22 with a song about a man who felt duty-bound to answer the call to serve, but is now beset by traumatic flashbacks. Three years later, San Franciscan Lewis and his band reached #15 with a slick pop-rock take on a very similar story.
Final Score: Saigon 28, Line 17. Both teams came in having gone through hellish training that prepared them to face a determined, elusive opponent. But in the end, gritty Southern determination outlasted Huey's slick West Coast offense. It's the Daniels team that will have to recover from this battle to fight again.
THE LET ME TELL YOU SOME MORE ABOUT 'NAM BOWL
"Born in the U.S.A.," Bruce Springsteen, 1984
vs. "19," Paul Hardcastle, 1985
Two more songs that deal with the legacy of America's involvement in Southeast Asia in the 60s and 70s. New Jersey's Boss got to #9 with his anthemic-sounding tale of a guy who went to Vietnam because he ran out of other options and returned to face mistreatment, disillusionment, and difficulty finding employment. The next year, British producer Hardcastle hit #15 with an electronic dance track that samples news reports about what troops went through during and after the war.
Final Score: Nineteen 45, U.S.A. 19. The Springsteen squad came out with fist-pumping enthusiasm and fired up their home crowd early. But as the game wore on, Hardcastle's unusual approach to the game began to prevail, and their opponents weren't really sure what was going on. Their stuttery play calling and ability to dance around terrible conditions eventually led to a comfortable victory which sent Team U.S.A. back to Jersey and an uncertain future.
THE COMMIES ARE PEOPLE TOO BOWL
"Nikita," Elton John, 1986
vs. "Russians," Sting, 1986
A pair of songs in which rock superstars take different approaches to thawing the Cold War. The man born Reginald Dwight made it to #7 with a wish that he could one day meet and befriend a Soviet soldier. Then, the former Gordon Sumner hit #16 with a dirgelike number that states that the only hope for the world to avoid a nuclear holocaust is the possibility that people behind the Iron Curtain value their families as much as their Western counterparts do.
Final Score: Russians 38, Nikita 3. Elton's team took the field in the spirit of camaraderie and friendly competition, and were thus unprepared for Sting's stark and scary approach. The mere threat of long bombs were enough to subdue Nikita, who was much more intimidating than he looked. He and the rest of the losing team will never know how good it feels to hold the tournament trophy.
THE ROCK IN HARD PLACES BOWL
"Undercover of the Night," The Rolling Stones, 1984
vs. "All She Wants to Do is Dance," Don Henley, 1986
Two songs set in unspecified Latin American war zones. The Stones went to #9 with a dark rocker about life under a repressive regime under which political dissidents are tortured and/or disappeared and women are exploited for the sexual needs of foreign mercenaries. Two years later, a former Eagle reached #9 with a track about an American war profiteer whose efforts to make money from the chaos of a banana republic are hindered by his girlfriend's preoccupation with enjoying the local nightlife.
Final Score: Undercover 42, Dance 10. It wasn't much of a contest, as the Stones' team threatened their opponents with mutilation early on in the game and continued their aggression to the point where Henley's side seemed to already be thinking about their postgame plans before halftime. There were some rumblings during the game that the Undercover organization had engaged in some shady tactics by placing a listening device in the local disco lounge where the Dancers gathered the night before the game, but most observers were of the opinion that even if that did occur, the outcome would not have been much different.
THE HOT BUTTON BOWL
"Luka," Suzanne Vega, 1987
vs. "Fast Car," Tracy Chapman, 1988
Two songs that tackle social problems that were coming more to the forefront in this decade. California folksinger Vega hit #3 with a sing song from the point of view of a child trying to hide the fact that he is being physically abused by a parent. The next year, Cleveland folkie Chapman reached #6 with a song about a woman who dreams of being able to lift her family out of poverty and move out of a homeless shelter.
Final Score: Car 17, Luka 10. This is another matchup where both sides have endured a lot to get this far, and it was difficult for the crowd to root against either side. Chapman's team ended up winning by virtue of age and experience, but she and her fellow Cars not only embraced their opponents after the game, they adopted them so they could move forward as well. It's not surprising that a game involving socially conscious folk singers would end this way.
THE WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR BOWL
"The War Song," Culture Club, 1984
vs. "One," Metallica, 1989
Two songs that decry armed conflict. The British New Wavers hit #17 with a poppy tune that blatantly points out the futility of solving problems with fighting. Five years later, a pioneering Clifornia thrash band reached #35 with a haunting metal epic about a soldier who wishes to be put out of his misery after suffering incapacitating injuries in combat.
Final Score: One 77, War 0. The War party seemed to come into the game not wanting to engage in any kind of conflict, while their opponents seemed willing to leave everything on the field. But strangely, the losing side seemed much more upbeat after the game, while the victorious Metallica players appeared dejected by the knowledge that their journey wasn't over and that they would be made to play on.
THE LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT BOWL
"In America," The Charlie Daniels Band, 1980
vs. "For America," Jackson Browne, 1986
Two songs that express different ideas of how to show love for the United States. First, Charlie and company made it to #11 with a song encouraging fierce, unadulterated patriotism in the face of the economic and sociopolitical woes the nation was facing at the start of the decade. Then, L.A. singer-songwriter Browne got to #30 with a number that suggests one can best love one's country by honestly looking at its flaws and weaknesses and working to correct them.
Final Score: For 22, In 21. Most observers felt confident that the gung-ho enthusiasm of the Daniels team would dominate Browne's squad and their thoughtful, reflective approach to the game. But as it turned out, looking at the big picture led to the For side being content to kick field goals when the opportunities to do so presented themselves, whereas their opponents' pride wouldn't allow them to settle for anything less than touchdowns. In the end, Charlie's boys were the more dynamic team, but when all the points were added up, Jackson's decision to be more methodical and consider long-term consequences gave them a narrow victory. The defeated team's fans' hopes for a championship this year now rest with the Pittsburgh Steelers. Good luck with that.
THE WHAT'S GOING ON BOWL
"Pride (In the Name of Love)," U2, 1984
vs. "Look Out Any Window," Bruce Hornsby and the Range, 1988
Two songs that tackle themes explored by a certain Marvin Gaye Album. The now-iconic Irish rock band hit #33 with a song about the life and death of civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. Four years later, a Virginia group reached #35 with a soft-rock track about how large corporations are destroying the ecology.
Final Score: Window 13, Pride 6. This was an interesting matchup for many reasons, including the well-known fact that there are many powerful forces that don't want either of these teams to succeed. This created a strong mix of determination and respect between the sides, resulting in a hard-fought yet clean game. In the end, Hornsby's Rangers got the win thanks to their dogged resolve to protect the sanctity of the piece of land they'd been entrusted with; i.e., their end zone. After the game the teams stayed behind to help clean the litter left by the spectators. The Window team moves on to the next round, while Pride quarterback Bono (no relation to NFL journeyman Steve), resumes his quest to save the world, whether we want him to or not.
THE TRAFFIC BOWL
"Welcome to the Boomtown," David + David, 1986
vs. "Dr. Feelgood," Motley Crue, 1989
A pair of songs that feature guys who dispense illegal narcotics. Two musicians with the surnamed Baerwald and Ricketts made it to #37 with a portrait of two characters, one of them a young man named Kevin who sells drugs from a table in a popular chain restaurant. Then, the infamous Los Angeles glam-metal band hit #6 with the story of the rise and fall of a high-fiving purveyor of powdered mind-altering substances.
Final Score: Feelgood 24, Boomtown 14. Both teams arrived in fleets of identical cars: Porsche 944s for the Davids, '65 Chevys with primered flames for the Crue. Both teams could deal out punishment, but in the end, the Feelgoods had a more professional organization, which made the difference. There is speculation that officials may have been bribed by the good Dr., but as of yet that cannot be proven. So it's back to Denny's for the Boomtowners.
THE SLIM PICKENS BOWL
"It's a Mistake," Men at Work, 1983
vs. "99 Luftballons," Nena, 1984
Two songs that envisioned a cataclysmic end to the Cold War. First, a group of Australians reached #6 with a number that sees the end come as a result of fanatic military leaders who will not accept anything short of total victory. A year later, a German band named for their frontwoman hit #2 with a tale told in their native language about mutually assured destruction resulting from the misidentification of a bunch of helium-inflated decorations.
Final Score: Luftballons 34, Mistake 17. Both teams came in prepared for the worst case scenario and willing to go as far as they could to win. But it was the Nena team who pushed the right buttons. They used the advantage of being able to call plays in a foreign language to force the Workmen to make too many errors. The Mistake team now must return home to deal with the fallout.
THE JUST SAY NO BOWL
"Sign O' the Times," Prince, 1987
vs. "Toy Soldiers," Martika, 1989
Two songs that seem to share Nancy Reagan's opinion of illicit intoxicants. Minnesotan Prince Rogers Nelson got to #2 with a funk-rock rundown of societal problems, including rock-cocaine-smoking gang members and people for whom marijuana becomes a gateway to heroin. Then, a young Californian went all the way to #1 with a ballad about watching a friend struggle with an addiction to Colombian marching powder.
Final Score: Sign 38, Soldiers 10. Prince had a lot of firepower on his side, from a gang called the Disciples to a literal force of nature named Annie. They were able to treat the Soldiers like their playthings and tear them apart bit by bit. By the end of the game, they had all fallen down.
THE JUST SAY YES BOWL
"I Want a New Drug," Huey Lewis and the News, 1984
vs. "Smugglers' Blues," Glenn Frey, 1985
A pair of tracks about people who approve of narcotics. Huey and his current events made it to #6 with a chronicle of his search for a substance with that will have very specific effects on him. Then, another ex-Eagle went to #12 with the story of a drug dealer who happily profits from the dependencies of others.
Final Score: Blues 35, Drug 14. The News was good in the first half, as Huey was able to elude the Smugglers just enough to stay in front of them. But during the break, the Druggies decided to take a new supplement their opponents had offered them, and in the second half, they were well off their came. Lewis' players reported symptoms such as dry mouth, eye irritation, narcolepsy, sudden outbreaks of acne, amd feeling "three feet thick." And all said they were overcome by anxiety and confusion. The Smugglers apologized to their opponents for giving them the wrong stuff, and offered to give them something that would make them feel better...for a price. The News paid up. Frey's gang will continue to do business into the next round. Can they be stopped?
THE LEARN FROM HISTORY BOWL
"Cult of Personality," Living Colour, 1989
vs. "We Didn't Start the Fire," Billy Joel, 1989
Two hits that look back on events of the past. A New York band hit #13 with a hard rocker that refers to famous charismatic political leaders and examines how they manipulated public sentiment for their not-always-benevolent ends. Later the same year, another New Yorker topped the chart with a musical laundry list of major events and important personalities from the span of his lifetime, beginning in 1949.
Final Score: Fire 52, Cult 24. The Colour team came out of the gate strong after being fired up by their charismatic coach. But the Fire starters were built to keep their flame alive for the long run, and their hurry-up offense combined with their incredibly large and varied playbook became harder for the Cult members to keep up with, and after a Joel player named Castro shimmied his way through the defense to put his team ahead early in the second half, the Living players began to question their leader's wisdom,, and by the fourth quarter, they were openly revolting against his Stalinesque tactics. By that time, they were as defeated as the French at Dien Bien Phu. The Fire team now invade the second round, and they hope to do so more successfully than Kennedy did the Bay of Pigs.
THE WASTED YOUTH BOWL
"Spanish Eddie," Laura Branigan, 1985
vs. "18 and Life," Skid Row, 1989
A couple of songs about young people whose life choices lead to tragedies. New York singer Branigan reached #40 with a song about a street tough who meets his untimely end one hot night. Then a New Jersey hard rock outfit got to #4 with a power ballad about a teenager whose dalliances with alcohol and firearms lead to him accidentally murdering a friend and going to prison.
Final Score: Life 36, Eddie 0. The boys from Skid Row came in rowdy and spoiling for a fight, while the Spanish squad seemed impaired by their bizarre pregame libations of cough syrup mixed with citrus-flavoured alcohol. The Lifers youth allowed them to take foolhardy risks without fear, and that recklessness compelled Eddie and his teammates to visibly surrender long before the game was over. The Skid kids are now free to run wild through the next round, but one wonders if their immaturity will catch up with them sooner rather than later.
THE SCHOOL'S OUT BOWL
"Another Brick in the Wall Part II," Pink Floyd, 1980
vs. "Teacher, Teacher," .38 Special, 1984
Two songs that take a jaded view of modern education. A legendary English pop-rock band went to #1 with a song about the oppressive conformity of British boarding schools. Later, a group from Florida got to #25 with their critique of the American public system.
Final Score: Brick 38, Teacher 7. Coaching, or the lack thereof, was a big story in this game. The Brick boys were so intolerant of authority that they didn't even have one, while the Special squad were led by a tennis coach, so while they had instruction, it was irrelevant to the game they were playing. On the field, the Pink team were able to make up for a lack of organization with angry aggression, and they hammered the Teachers so thoroughly that after the game they felt like they'd been through a meat grinder. Can the Wall players build on this victory to make a deep run in the tournament? Well, one thing is for sure; these laddies won't stand still.
THE TEENAGE SUICIDE, DON'T DO IT BOWL
"You're Only Human (Second Wind)," Billy Joel, 1985
vs. "Don't Close Your Eyes," Kix, 1989
Two songs that deal with the issue of young people taking their own lives. Billy returns with an upbeat pop tune that suggests teenagers to look on the bright side. It got as high as #9. Four years later, a Maryland band hit #11 with a power ballad about trying to talk a friend out of resorting to self-destruction.
Final Score: Human 20, Eyes 17. Thought the two teams came out with different attitudes (Joel's bouncy and optimistic, Kix's grim and determined), they both fought hard and made for a close, dramatic contest that was ultimately decided by the Humans having just a little more left in the tank at the end. The Wind will blow into the second round, but their opponents were encouraged by their performance despite the loss, and they look forward to finding more games to play in the future.
So here we go. Once again, we're starting with 256 songs that peaked inside the Top 40 of the Billboard Hot 100. All of these are songs that have something that made them stand out from the usual pop songs. It could be sound, subject matter, novelty, comedy, the introduction of a new style, the revival of an old style, or some other undefinable quality that just makes them seem unusual. And the first round being the most involved, I've didivided it into eight brackets containing 32 songs each. And once again, I'm portraying the matchups as American football bowl games.
So here we go.
THE LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT 'NAM BOWL
"Still in Saigon," The Charlie Daniels Band, 1982
vs. "Walking on a Thin Line," Huey Lewis and the News, 1984
Two songs about the aftermath of the Vietnam war for the soldiers who fought it. North Carolina country-rocker Daniels and his band went to #22 with a song about a man who felt duty-bound to answer the call to serve, but is now beset by traumatic flashbacks. Three years later, San Franciscan Lewis and his band reached #15 with a slick pop-rock take on a very similar story.
Final Score: Saigon 28, Line 17. Both teams came in having gone through hellish training that prepared them to face a determined, elusive opponent. But in the end, gritty Southern determination outlasted Huey's slick West Coast offense. It's the Daniels team that will have to recover from this battle to fight again.
THE LET ME TELL YOU SOME MORE ABOUT 'NAM BOWL
"Born in the U.S.A.," Bruce Springsteen, 1984
vs. "19," Paul Hardcastle, 1985
Two more songs that deal with the legacy of America's involvement in Southeast Asia in the 60s and 70s. New Jersey's Boss got to #9 with his anthemic-sounding tale of a guy who went to Vietnam because he ran out of other options and returned to face mistreatment, disillusionment, and difficulty finding employment. The next year, British producer Hardcastle hit #15 with an electronic dance track that samples news reports about what troops went through during and after the war.
Final Score: Nineteen 45, U.S.A. 19. The Springsteen squad came out with fist-pumping enthusiasm and fired up their home crowd early. But as the game wore on, Hardcastle's unusual approach to the game began to prevail, and their opponents weren't really sure what was going on. Their stuttery play calling and ability to dance around terrible conditions eventually led to a comfortable victory which sent Team U.S.A. back to Jersey and an uncertain future.
THE COMMIES ARE PEOPLE TOO BOWL
"Nikita," Elton John, 1986
vs. "Russians," Sting, 1986
A pair of songs in which rock superstars take different approaches to thawing the Cold War. The man born Reginald Dwight made it to #7 with a wish that he could one day meet and befriend a Soviet soldier. Then, the former Gordon Sumner hit #16 with a dirgelike number that states that the only hope for the world to avoid a nuclear holocaust is the possibility that people behind the Iron Curtain value their families as much as their Western counterparts do.
Final Score: Russians 38, Nikita 3. Elton's team took the field in the spirit of camaraderie and friendly competition, and were thus unprepared for Sting's stark and scary approach. The mere threat of long bombs were enough to subdue Nikita, who was much more intimidating than he looked. He and the rest of the losing team will never know how good it feels to hold the tournament trophy.
THE ROCK IN HARD PLACES BOWL
"Undercover of the Night," The Rolling Stones, 1984
vs. "All She Wants to Do is Dance," Don Henley, 1986
Two songs set in unspecified Latin American war zones. The Stones went to #9 with a dark rocker about life under a repressive regime under which political dissidents are tortured and/or disappeared and women are exploited for the sexual needs of foreign mercenaries. Two years later, a former Eagle reached #9 with a track about an American war profiteer whose efforts to make money from the chaos of a banana republic are hindered by his girlfriend's preoccupation with enjoying the local nightlife.
Final Score: Undercover 42, Dance 10. It wasn't much of a contest, as the Stones' team threatened their opponents with mutilation early on in the game and continued their aggression to the point where Henley's side seemed to already be thinking about their postgame plans before halftime. There were some rumblings during the game that the Undercover organization had engaged in some shady tactics by placing a listening device in the local disco lounge where the Dancers gathered the night before the game, but most observers were of the opinion that even if that did occur, the outcome would not have been much different.
THE HOT BUTTON BOWL
"Luka," Suzanne Vega, 1987
vs. "Fast Car," Tracy Chapman, 1988
Two songs that tackle social problems that were coming more to the forefront in this decade. California folksinger Vega hit #3 with a sing song from the point of view of a child trying to hide the fact that he is being physically abused by a parent. The next year, Cleveland folkie Chapman reached #6 with a song about a woman who dreams of being able to lift her family out of poverty and move out of a homeless shelter.
Final Score: Car 17, Luka 10. This is another matchup where both sides have endured a lot to get this far, and it was difficult for the crowd to root against either side. Chapman's team ended up winning by virtue of age and experience, but she and her fellow Cars not only embraced their opponents after the game, they adopted them so they could move forward as well. It's not surprising that a game involving socially conscious folk singers would end this way.
THE WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR BOWL
"The War Song," Culture Club, 1984
vs. "One," Metallica, 1989
Two songs that decry armed conflict. The British New Wavers hit #17 with a poppy tune that blatantly points out the futility of solving problems with fighting. Five years later, a pioneering Clifornia thrash band reached #35 with a haunting metal epic about a soldier who wishes to be put out of his misery after suffering incapacitating injuries in combat.
Final Score: One 77, War 0. The War party seemed to come into the game not wanting to engage in any kind of conflict, while their opponents seemed willing to leave everything on the field. But strangely, the losing side seemed much more upbeat after the game, while the victorious Metallica players appeared dejected by the knowledge that their journey wasn't over and that they would be made to play on.
THE LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT BOWL
"In America," The Charlie Daniels Band, 1980
vs. "For America," Jackson Browne, 1986
Two songs that express different ideas of how to show love for the United States. First, Charlie and company made it to #11 with a song encouraging fierce, unadulterated patriotism in the face of the economic and sociopolitical woes the nation was facing at the start of the decade. Then, L.A. singer-songwriter Browne got to #30 with a number that suggests one can best love one's country by honestly looking at its flaws and weaknesses and working to correct them.
Final Score: For 22, In 21. Most observers felt confident that the gung-ho enthusiasm of the Daniels team would dominate Browne's squad and their thoughtful, reflective approach to the game. But as it turned out, looking at the big picture led to the For side being content to kick field goals when the opportunities to do so presented themselves, whereas their opponents' pride wouldn't allow them to settle for anything less than touchdowns. In the end, Charlie's boys were the more dynamic team, but when all the points were added up, Jackson's decision to be more methodical and consider long-term consequences gave them a narrow victory. The defeated team's fans' hopes for a championship this year now rest with the Pittsburgh Steelers. Good luck with that.
THE WHAT'S GOING ON BOWL
"Pride (In the Name of Love)," U2, 1984
vs. "Look Out Any Window," Bruce Hornsby and the Range, 1988
Two songs that tackle themes explored by a certain Marvin Gaye Album. The now-iconic Irish rock band hit #33 with a song about the life and death of civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. Four years later, a Virginia group reached #35 with a soft-rock track about how large corporations are destroying the ecology.
Final Score: Window 13, Pride 6. This was an interesting matchup for many reasons, including the well-known fact that there are many powerful forces that don't want either of these teams to succeed. This created a strong mix of determination and respect between the sides, resulting in a hard-fought yet clean game. In the end, Hornsby's Rangers got the win thanks to their dogged resolve to protect the sanctity of the piece of land they'd been entrusted with; i.e., their end zone. After the game the teams stayed behind to help clean the litter left by the spectators. The Window team moves on to the next round, while Pride quarterback Bono (no relation to NFL journeyman Steve), resumes his quest to save the world, whether we want him to or not.
THE TRAFFIC BOWL
"Welcome to the Boomtown," David + David, 1986
vs. "Dr. Feelgood," Motley Crue, 1989
A pair of songs that feature guys who dispense illegal narcotics. Two musicians with the surnamed Baerwald and Ricketts made it to #37 with a portrait of two characters, one of them a young man named Kevin who sells drugs from a table in a popular chain restaurant. Then, the infamous Los Angeles glam-metal band hit #6 with the story of the rise and fall of a high-fiving purveyor of powdered mind-altering substances.
Final Score: Feelgood 24, Boomtown 14. Both teams arrived in fleets of identical cars: Porsche 944s for the Davids, '65 Chevys with primered flames for the Crue. Both teams could deal out punishment, but in the end, the Feelgoods had a more professional organization, which made the difference. There is speculation that officials may have been bribed by the good Dr., but as of yet that cannot be proven. So it's back to Denny's for the Boomtowners.
THE SLIM PICKENS BOWL
"It's a Mistake," Men at Work, 1983
vs. "99 Luftballons," Nena, 1984
Two songs that envisioned a cataclysmic end to the Cold War. First, a group of Australians reached #6 with a number that sees the end come as a result of fanatic military leaders who will not accept anything short of total victory. A year later, a German band named for their frontwoman hit #2 with a tale told in their native language about mutually assured destruction resulting from the misidentification of a bunch of helium-inflated decorations.
Final Score: Luftballons 34, Mistake 17. Both teams came in prepared for the worst case scenario and willing to go as far as they could to win. But it was the Nena team who pushed the right buttons. They used the advantage of being able to call plays in a foreign language to force the Workmen to make too many errors. The Mistake team now must return home to deal with the fallout.
THE JUST SAY NO BOWL
"Sign O' the Times," Prince, 1987
vs. "Toy Soldiers," Martika, 1989
Two songs that seem to share Nancy Reagan's opinion of illicit intoxicants. Minnesotan Prince Rogers Nelson got to #2 with a funk-rock rundown of societal problems, including rock-cocaine-smoking gang members and people for whom marijuana becomes a gateway to heroin. Then, a young Californian went all the way to #1 with a ballad about watching a friend struggle with an addiction to Colombian marching powder.
Final Score: Sign 38, Soldiers 10. Prince had a lot of firepower on his side, from a gang called the Disciples to a literal force of nature named Annie. They were able to treat the Soldiers like their playthings and tear them apart bit by bit. By the end of the game, they had all fallen down.
THE JUST SAY YES BOWL
"I Want a New Drug," Huey Lewis and the News, 1984
vs. "Smugglers' Blues," Glenn Frey, 1985
A pair of tracks about people who approve of narcotics. Huey and his current events made it to #6 with a chronicle of his search for a substance with that will have very specific effects on him. Then, another ex-Eagle went to #12 with the story of a drug dealer who happily profits from the dependencies of others.
Final Score: Blues 35, Drug 14. The News was good in the first half, as Huey was able to elude the Smugglers just enough to stay in front of them. But during the break, the Druggies decided to take a new supplement their opponents had offered them, and in the second half, they were well off their came. Lewis' players reported symptoms such as dry mouth, eye irritation, narcolepsy, sudden outbreaks of acne, amd feeling "three feet thick." And all said they were overcome by anxiety and confusion. The Smugglers apologized to their opponents for giving them the wrong stuff, and offered to give them something that would make them feel better...for a price. The News paid up. Frey's gang will continue to do business into the next round. Can they be stopped?
THE LEARN FROM HISTORY BOWL
"Cult of Personality," Living Colour, 1989
vs. "We Didn't Start the Fire," Billy Joel, 1989
Two hits that look back on events of the past. A New York band hit #13 with a hard rocker that refers to famous charismatic political leaders and examines how they manipulated public sentiment for their not-always-benevolent ends. Later the same year, another New Yorker topped the chart with a musical laundry list of major events and important personalities from the span of his lifetime, beginning in 1949.
Final Score: Fire 52, Cult 24. The Colour team came out of the gate strong after being fired up by their charismatic coach. But the Fire starters were built to keep their flame alive for the long run, and their hurry-up offense combined with their incredibly large and varied playbook became harder for the Cult members to keep up with, and after a Joel player named Castro shimmied his way through the defense to put his team ahead early in the second half, the Living players began to question their leader's wisdom,, and by the fourth quarter, they were openly revolting against his Stalinesque tactics. By that time, they were as defeated as the French at Dien Bien Phu. The Fire team now invade the second round, and they hope to do so more successfully than Kennedy did the Bay of Pigs.
THE WASTED YOUTH BOWL
"Spanish Eddie," Laura Branigan, 1985
vs. "18 and Life," Skid Row, 1989
A couple of songs about young people whose life choices lead to tragedies. New York singer Branigan reached #40 with a song about a street tough who meets his untimely end one hot night. Then a New Jersey hard rock outfit got to #4 with a power ballad about a teenager whose dalliances with alcohol and firearms lead to him accidentally murdering a friend and going to prison.
Final Score: Life 36, Eddie 0. The boys from Skid Row came in rowdy and spoiling for a fight, while the Spanish squad seemed impaired by their bizarre pregame libations of cough syrup mixed with citrus-flavoured alcohol. The Lifers youth allowed them to take foolhardy risks without fear, and that recklessness compelled Eddie and his teammates to visibly surrender long before the game was over. The Skid kids are now free to run wild through the next round, but one wonders if their immaturity will catch up with them sooner rather than later.
THE SCHOOL'S OUT BOWL
"Another Brick in the Wall Part II," Pink Floyd, 1980
vs. "Teacher, Teacher," .38 Special, 1984
Two songs that take a jaded view of modern education. A legendary English pop-rock band went to #1 with a song about the oppressive conformity of British boarding schools. Later, a group from Florida got to #25 with their critique of the American public system.
Final Score: Brick 38, Teacher 7. Coaching, or the lack thereof, was a big story in this game. The Brick boys were so intolerant of authority that they didn't even have one, while the Special squad were led by a tennis coach, so while they had instruction, it was irrelevant to the game they were playing. On the field, the Pink team were able to make up for a lack of organization with angry aggression, and they hammered the Teachers so thoroughly that after the game they felt like they'd been through a meat grinder. Can the Wall players build on this victory to make a deep run in the tournament? Well, one thing is for sure; these laddies won't stand still.
THE TEENAGE SUICIDE, DON'T DO IT BOWL
"You're Only Human (Second Wind)," Billy Joel, 1985
vs. "Don't Close Your Eyes," Kix, 1989
Two songs that deal with the issue of young people taking their own lives. Billy returns with an upbeat pop tune that suggests teenagers to look on the bright side. It got as high as #9. Four years later, a Maryland band hit #11 with a power ballad about trying to talk a friend out of resorting to self-destruction.
Final Score: Human 20, Eyes 17. Thought the two teams came out with different attitudes (Joel's bouncy and optimistic, Kix's grim and determined), they both fought hard and made for a close, dramatic contest that was ultimately decided by the Humans having just a little more left in the tank at the end. The Wind will blow into the second round, but their opponents were encouraged by their performance despite the loss, and they look forward to finding more games to play in the future.
Tuesday, September 17, 2019
AOMA: UKT40 September 4, 1971 Part Two
Squaring the circle.
20 - "Leap Up and Down (Wave Your Knickers in the Air)," St. Cecilia
Another project of impresario Jonathan King was this silly novelty encouraging women to divest themselves of clothing and oscillate their unmentionables while jumping. Of course therefore kazoo on it. An artifact from the culture that brought us Benny Hill and the Carry On films, made uncomfortable by the creepiness of its mastermind.
19 - "Nathan Jones," The Supremes
The ladies' third post-Diana Top Ten here was this declaration from a woman who'd fed up waiting for the man who left her to return. A worthy effort, but I'd be disingenuous if I said Miss Ross wasn't missed.
18 - "Heartbreak Hotel /Hound Dog," Elvis Presley
A reissue of two of his most iconic hits: the bluesy loneliness lament and the rollicking cover of a Big Mama Thornton R&B tune. Two indisputably great records that would have made him a legend even if he'd never recorded another note.
17 - "Did You Ever," Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazlewood
Frank's daughter and the eccentric country songwriter who was her frequently duet partner went to #2 here with this track where a couple tiptoes around their issues by interrupting each other before they can finish their sentences. Hazlewood was one of the cleverest lyricists in any genre, and he and Nancy had a unique chemistry. I'm reminded again that I need to take a deep dive into Lee's catalogue at some point.
16 - "We Will," Gilbert O'Sullivan
Ol' Gil's third hit was this narrative about a family coping with some indefinite tragedy by looking forward to a time when they can return to the normal rhythms of life. Beautifully heartrending. Plus, it introduced me to the British term "bagsy," which apparently is equivalent to calling "dibs." It's seeming more and more to me like he was a much better artist before Capone Again (Naturally)" made him huge.
15 - "Won't Get Fooled Again," The Who
The eighth Top Ten for Rog, Pete, John and Keith was this now-ubiquitous rocker about how seismic change all seems to end up looking the same in the end. Hard to argue with that. The new boss always morphs into a facsimile of the old boss, don't you think?
14 - "Move on Up," Curtis Mayfield
The soul legend's first solo hit here was this propulsive call to perseverance. It moves the heart, the mind, the soul, and the ass. A singular accomplishment for most, but just one bloom in Curtis' bouquet of soul genius.
13 - "Tom Tom Turnaround," New World
The only Top Ten for these Australians was this folk-popper about a guy who doesn't have a great track record of knowing a good relationship when he's in one. You can go ahead and pass this one by.
12 - "Back Street Luv," Curved Air
The only hit single for this London prog outfit was this track about a lady who is either manipulating or manipulated by men. I can't tell which. But it's a song that I want to listen to enough times to find out.
11 - "Bangla Desh," George Harrison
George's second solo hit was this call to action for people to help in the relief efforts for the newly independent nation that at the time was ravaged by war and natural disaster. Both the song and the subsequent all-star benefit concert were very effective in raising money and awareness, but in this case, the song isn't just an afterthought to the cause, It holds up with the best of his output.
10 - "Get it On," T. Rex
Their second Number One, and their defining hit. It walks the line between sleazy and pet-friendly as well as any song ever has, Don your hubcap diamond star halo and your cloak full of eagles, if you got 'em.
9 - "Devil's Answer," Atomic Rooster
The second and biggest answer from the radioactive cocksmen was this somewhat ominous rocker about the search for the truth of good and evil, or something like that. More Deep Purple than Black Sabbath, but still worth crowing about.
8 - "It's Too Late/I Feel the Earth Move," Carole King
The double-sided smash from the songwriting legend's breakthrough Tapestry LP topped the North American charts, but only reached #6 here. No shame in that though, and I don't think anyone is denying that the breakup lament and the earthy declaration of sexual desire is one of the greatest one-two punches ever squeezed on to one seven-inch slab of vinyl.
7 - "Soldier Blue," Buffy Sainte-Marie
The Saskatchewan-born Native American singer-songwriter scored a Top Ten here with the title song to a film that depicted an 1864 massacre of Cheyenne and Arapaho people in what was then the Colorado Territory. It's a passionate argument that colonialism is against the laws of nature. How much her North American commercial prospects were undermined by organized blacklisting cannot be quantified, but from this sample alone, it's clear she had what it took to reach a wider audience in her prime.
6 - "Let Your Yeah be Yeah," The Pioneers
The second and biggest U.K. hit for this Jamaican trio was this Jimmy Cliff composition about wanting straight answers. Smooth, accessible pop-reggae like this was one of the defining differences between the American and British pop charts for nearly two decades. And the former was poorer for it.
5 - "What Are You Doing Sunday," Dawn
Tony and the ladies again, this time with a track that fell short of the Top Ten in North America but was their second Top Five here. It's an impractical impromptu marriage proposal, but it has a charm that makes me overlook that and side with the Brits regarding its worthiness.
4 - "In My Own Time," Family
This Leicester band's biggest hit was this rock tune about not being in a hurry to seek meaning in life. It's a bit distracting in the moments where the singer sounds like a bleating sheep, but outside of that, decent enough hippie fodder.
3 - "Hey Girl Don't Bother Me," The Tams
Northern Soul strikes again, as it was that scene that elevated this Atlanta group's 1964 R&B hit to #1. It's a nicely grooving rejection of a woman with an, um, flirtatious reputation. I don't know if the group's propensity to wear tam o'shanter hats on stage contributed to the song's success here, but it can't have hurt.
2 - "Never Ending Song of Love," The New Seekers
The London pop outfit had their first hit with this cover of a recent American hit for Delaney and Bonnie. A catchy tune, but this version is overly flowery and gimmicky. And like the original, it does end. Maybe that's what denied it the top spot. No one wanted to reward lying with a #1.
1 - "I'm Still Waiting," Diana Ross
Despite flopping in the States, Miss Ross' sixth solo single became her first chart topper here. It's slick soul-pop about a woman who has never been able to find someone who she loves as much as her childhood crush. She conveys the sadness and frustration well. I have no idea how America could have turned away from this. It's easily better than "Ain't No Mountain High Enough. It's also the closest either she or her former group got to recapturing Supremacy after they went their separate ways.
Next time, the Uneasy Riders of the 1980s begin their quest to find out which song is the uniquely of the unique, the differentest of the different, the WTFest of the WTF. Yes, the new tournament is about to begin. Join me then.
20 - "Leap Up and Down (Wave Your Knickers in the Air)," St. Cecilia
Another project of impresario Jonathan King was this silly novelty encouraging women to divest themselves of clothing and oscillate their unmentionables while jumping. Of course therefore kazoo on it. An artifact from the culture that brought us Benny Hill and the Carry On films, made uncomfortable by the creepiness of its mastermind.
19 - "Nathan Jones," The Supremes
The ladies' third post-Diana Top Ten here was this declaration from a woman who'd fed up waiting for the man who left her to return. A worthy effort, but I'd be disingenuous if I said Miss Ross wasn't missed.
18 - "Heartbreak Hotel /Hound Dog," Elvis Presley
A reissue of two of his most iconic hits: the bluesy loneliness lament and the rollicking cover of a Big Mama Thornton R&B tune. Two indisputably great records that would have made him a legend even if he'd never recorded another note.
17 - "Did You Ever," Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazlewood
Frank's daughter and the eccentric country songwriter who was her frequently duet partner went to #2 here with this track where a couple tiptoes around their issues by interrupting each other before they can finish their sentences. Hazlewood was one of the cleverest lyricists in any genre, and he and Nancy had a unique chemistry. I'm reminded again that I need to take a deep dive into Lee's catalogue at some point.
16 - "We Will," Gilbert O'Sullivan
Ol' Gil's third hit was this narrative about a family coping with some indefinite tragedy by looking forward to a time when they can return to the normal rhythms of life. Beautifully heartrending. Plus, it introduced me to the British term "bagsy," which apparently is equivalent to calling "dibs." It's seeming more and more to me like he was a much better artist before Capone Again (Naturally)" made him huge.
15 - "Won't Get Fooled Again," The Who
The eighth Top Ten for Rog, Pete, John and Keith was this now-ubiquitous rocker about how seismic change all seems to end up looking the same in the end. Hard to argue with that. The new boss always morphs into a facsimile of the old boss, don't you think?
14 - "Move on Up," Curtis Mayfield
The soul legend's first solo hit here was this propulsive call to perseverance. It moves the heart, the mind, the soul, and the ass. A singular accomplishment for most, but just one bloom in Curtis' bouquet of soul genius.
13 - "Tom Tom Turnaround," New World
The only Top Ten for these Australians was this folk-popper about a guy who doesn't have a great track record of knowing a good relationship when he's in one. You can go ahead and pass this one by.
12 - "Back Street Luv," Curved Air
The only hit single for this London prog outfit was this track about a lady who is either manipulating or manipulated by men. I can't tell which. But it's a song that I want to listen to enough times to find out.
11 - "Bangla Desh," George Harrison
George's second solo hit was this call to action for people to help in the relief efforts for the newly independent nation that at the time was ravaged by war and natural disaster. Both the song and the subsequent all-star benefit concert were very effective in raising money and awareness, but in this case, the song isn't just an afterthought to the cause, It holds up with the best of his output.
10 - "Get it On," T. Rex
Their second Number One, and their defining hit. It walks the line between sleazy and pet-friendly as well as any song ever has, Don your hubcap diamond star halo and your cloak full of eagles, if you got 'em.
9 - "Devil's Answer," Atomic Rooster
The second and biggest answer from the radioactive cocksmen was this somewhat ominous rocker about the search for the truth of good and evil, or something like that. More Deep Purple than Black Sabbath, but still worth crowing about.
8 - "It's Too Late/I Feel the Earth Move," Carole King
The double-sided smash from the songwriting legend's breakthrough Tapestry LP topped the North American charts, but only reached #6 here. No shame in that though, and I don't think anyone is denying that the breakup lament and the earthy declaration of sexual desire is one of the greatest one-two punches ever squeezed on to one seven-inch slab of vinyl.
7 - "Soldier Blue," Buffy Sainte-Marie
The Saskatchewan-born Native American singer-songwriter scored a Top Ten here with the title song to a film that depicted an 1864 massacre of Cheyenne and Arapaho people in what was then the Colorado Territory. It's a passionate argument that colonialism is against the laws of nature. How much her North American commercial prospects were undermined by organized blacklisting cannot be quantified, but from this sample alone, it's clear she had what it took to reach a wider audience in her prime.
6 - "Let Your Yeah be Yeah," The Pioneers
The second and biggest U.K. hit for this Jamaican trio was this Jimmy Cliff composition about wanting straight answers. Smooth, accessible pop-reggae like this was one of the defining differences between the American and British pop charts for nearly two decades. And the former was poorer for it.
5 - "What Are You Doing Sunday," Dawn
Tony and the ladies again, this time with a track that fell short of the Top Ten in North America but was their second Top Five here. It's an impractical impromptu marriage proposal, but it has a charm that makes me overlook that and side with the Brits regarding its worthiness.
4 - "In My Own Time," Family
This Leicester band's biggest hit was this rock tune about not being in a hurry to seek meaning in life. It's a bit distracting in the moments where the singer sounds like a bleating sheep, but outside of that, decent enough hippie fodder.
3 - "Hey Girl Don't Bother Me," The Tams
Northern Soul strikes again, as it was that scene that elevated this Atlanta group's 1964 R&B hit to #1. It's a nicely grooving rejection of a woman with an, um, flirtatious reputation. I don't know if the group's propensity to wear tam o'shanter hats on stage contributed to the song's success here, but it can't have hurt.
2 - "Never Ending Song of Love," The New Seekers
The London pop outfit had their first hit with this cover of a recent American hit for Delaney and Bonnie. A catchy tune, but this version is overly flowery and gimmicky. And like the original, it does end. Maybe that's what denied it the top spot. No one wanted to reward lying with a #1.
1 - "I'm Still Waiting," Diana Ross
Despite flopping in the States, Miss Ross' sixth solo single became her first chart topper here. It's slick soul-pop about a woman who has never been able to find someone who she loves as much as her childhood crush. She conveys the sadness and frustration well. I have no idea how America could have turned away from this. It's easily better than "Ain't No Mountain High Enough. It's also the closest either she or her former group got to recapturing Supremacy after they went their separate ways.
Next time, the Uneasy Riders of the 1980s begin their quest to find out which song is the uniquely of the unique, the differentest of the different, the WTFest of the WTF. Yes, the new tournament is about to begin. Join me then.
Saturday, September 14, 2019
AOMA: UKT40 September 4, 1971 Part One
September 1971. The Arab nation of Qatar gains independence from Britain, and decides to go it alone instead of joining Saudi Arabia or the United Arab Emirates. And the Western world still isn't sure how to pronounce the country's name. But Brits could sing along to these songs.
40 - "Just My Imagination (Running Away with Me)," The Temptations
This immortal lush Motown ballad of unrequited love went all the way in the States, but only got to the Top Ten here. At least they're not Canada, where it stalled at...#72. I only wish that was just my imagination.
39 - "Tap Turns On the Water," CCS
The third and biggest hit for the Collective Consciousness Society was this jazz-rocker about making the most of life. Although, unlike the song suggest, I don't think peeping at your sister in the shower necessarily needs to be part of that.
38 - "Little Drops of Silver," Gerry Monroe
Born Harry Morris in South Shields, Monroe was discovered on the TV show Opportunity Knocks in his mid-thirties, and proceeded to have five hits over two years. The last of these was this melodramatic number about how rich he'd be if his post-breakup tears were made of a precious metal. His voice is high and, um, unique, but nothing about this makes for particularly pleasant listening.
37 - "Cousin Norman," Marmalade
The sixth Top Ten for these Glaswegians was this jaunty invitation to join their idyllic family home, where their one stuttering relative is among the inhabitants. Nice, but forgettable. I'll pass, lads.
36 - "You've Got a Friend," James Taylor
The North Carolina folkie's cover of Carole King's sweet promise went to #1 at home, #2 in Canada, and Top Five here. Still a comforting man-hug of a song.
35 - "Knock Three Times," Dawn
This wish for a downstairs neighbour to signal her romantic intentions by touching apartment fixtures was the first tof Tony O. and Co.'a two Triple Crown winners. Probably their tastiest slice of cheese.
34 - "These Things Will Keep Me Loving You," The Velvelettes
This Motown girl group was overshadowed by their more prominent label mates for most of their career, but they did score some recognition when this reissue of a 1967 single made the Top 40 over here. The song is a typically fine product of the Detroit hit factory, and the Funk Brothers provide their usual exemplary backup, but the vocals just don't rise to that Diana Ross/Martha Reeves level. Harsh as it is to say, I find it easy to understand how this got lost in the shuffle.
33 - "Black and White," Greyhound
Originally known as The Rudies, this British reggae band had their first and biggest hit with this version of a 1956 American folk song about racial harmony. This was the version Three Dog Night heard that inspired them to record their take, which would be a North American chart topper the following year. This doesn't quite blow 3DN away, but I definitely prefer it.
32 - "La La Means I Love You," The Delfonics
The Philly soulsters' biggest hit reached the Top Twenty here three years after it was Top Five in America. The song makes the case that the proper crooning of meaningless syllables can be an effective pickup line. This sells me on the idea. La la la la la to all of you.
31 - "Reason to Believe," Rod Stewart
This cover of a 1968 song by American folksinger Tim Hardin was the original A-side of the single that featured a little song called "Maggie May" on the flip. It went Top Thirty in Canada and stalled in the sixties in the States until the order was reversed and it grabbed a Triple Crown, But it became a double-A here, and it deserves the recognition. Stewart's performance makes it feel like the inner monologue of ths young man in the other song in the hours before he woke Maggie up.
30 - "Monkey Spanner," Dave and Ansil Collins
The second and last hit for the unrelated Jamaicans was a little less trippy than "Double Barrel," but no less of a kick for that. A "heavy heavy monster sound" indeed.
29 - "At the Top of the Stairs," The Formations
This Philadelphia group picked up a hit with the Northern Soul crowd with this very Motown-y song about feeling like a breakup has removed all meaning from life. It might not climb all the way, but it's no more than a couple of steps short.
28 - "Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast," Daniel Boone
A year before Wayne Newton took this into the U.S. Top Five, this Brummie born Peter Stirling took this weepie about a child preventing her father from leaving home made the Top Twenty here. It's still plenty sappy, but Boone doesn't quite drown you in it the way Wayne does.
27 - "Me and You and a Dog Named Boo," Lobo
Floridian Roland LaVoie's first and best hit, this folky lark about road tripping with a lady and a canine, was a Triple Top Ten. It remains the only song of his that doesn't make me wince inside.
26 - "For All We Know," Shirley Bassey
While the Carpenters' version of this song from the film Lovers and Other Strangers went Top Five in North America, it was held to #18 here, likely due to competition from the Tigress from Tiger Bay, whose own take went to #6. As much as I love Karen and Richard, I give the nod to Shirley here. I think her voice works better for this song, and I like the little hints of reggae in the arrangement.
25 - "I Believe (In Love)," Hot Chocolate
Errol Brown's boys scored their second Top Ten with this simple pop-soul love song. It doesn't quite have the distinct sound they would display in the future, but it's still a worthy effort that deservedly marked them as eventual chart stalwarts.
24 - "When Love Comes Round Again," Ken Dodd
The sixteenth hit for the Liverpool comic and would-be crooner was an English cover of the song that finished third at Italy's Sanremo Music Festival. It's lounge-schlager about how another chance at love is just around the corner. Well Ken, this chance has passed you by. This sucks.
23 - "Co-Co," Sweet
The glam greats' first Top Five was this calypso-rocker about a guy on a tropical island who can dance impressively. Catchy nonsense, but not really a harbinger of what was to come.
22 - "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep," Middle of the Road
While Mac and Katie Kissoon were taking this to the Top Twenty in America, this Scottish pop group was making this novelty about orphaned birds a #1. This version is poppier and cheesier, which better fits the spirit of the material, if not the letter.
21 - "Get Down and Get With It," Slade
Noddy Holder and crew had their first hit, and began a run of seventeen straight Top Twenties, with this cover of a 1964 R&B song by American Bobby Marchan. It's a solid base to introduce their boogie-rock style, and it set them up as crowd pleasing party starters. Suffice it to say, they would build on that.
In Part Two: both sides of a breakup, blatant false advertising, and a call to nudity.
40 - "Just My Imagination (Running Away with Me)," The Temptations
This immortal lush Motown ballad of unrequited love went all the way in the States, but only got to the Top Ten here. At least they're not Canada, where it stalled at...#72. I only wish that was just my imagination.
39 - "Tap Turns On the Water," CCS
The third and biggest hit for the Collective Consciousness Society was this jazz-rocker about making the most of life. Although, unlike the song suggest, I don't think peeping at your sister in the shower necessarily needs to be part of that.
38 - "Little Drops of Silver," Gerry Monroe
Born Harry Morris in South Shields, Monroe was discovered on the TV show Opportunity Knocks in his mid-thirties, and proceeded to have five hits over two years. The last of these was this melodramatic number about how rich he'd be if his post-breakup tears were made of a precious metal. His voice is high and, um, unique, but nothing about this makes for particularly pleasant listening.
37 - "Cousin Norman," Marmalade
The sixth Top Ten for these Glaswegians was this jaunty invitation to join their idyllic family home, where their one stuttering relative is among the inhabitants. Nice, but forgettable. I'll pass, lads.
36 - "You've Got a Friend," James Taylor
The North Carolina folkie's cover of Carole King's sweet promise went to #1 at home, #2 in Canada, and Top Five here. Still a comforting man-hug of a song.
35 - "Knock Three Times," Dawn
This wish for a downstairs neighbour to signal her romantic intentions by touching apartment fixtures was the first tof Tony O. and Co.'a two Triple Crown winners. Probably their tastiest slice of cheese.
34 - "These Things Will Keep Me Loving You," The Velvelettes
This Motown girl group was overshadowed by their more prominent label mates for most of their career, but they did score some recognition when this reissue of a 1967 single made the Top 40 over here. The song is a typically fine product of the Detroit hit factory, and the Funk Brothers provide their usual exemplary backup, but the vocals just don't rise to that Diana Ross/Martha Reeves level. Harsh as it is to say, I find it easy to understand how this got lost in the shuffle.
33 - "Black and White," Greyhound
Originally known as The Rudies, this British reggae band had their first and biggest hit with this version of a 1956 American folk song about racial harmony. This was the version Three Dog Night heard that inspired them to record their take, which would be a North American chart topper the following year. This doesn't quite blow 3DN away, but I definitely prefer it.
32 - "La La Means I Love You," The Delfonics
The Philly soulsters' biggest hit reached the Top Twenty here three years after it was Top Five in America. The song makes the case that the proper crooning of meaningless syllables can be an effective pickup line. This sells me on the idea. La la la la la to all of you.
31 - "Reason to Believe," Rod Stewart
This cover of a 1968 song by American folksinger Tim Hardin was the original A-side of the single that featured a little song called "Maggie May" on the flip. It went Top Thirty in Canada and stalled in the sixties in the States until the order was reversed and it grabbed a Triple Crown, But it became a double-A here, and it deserves the recognition. Stewart's performance makes it feel like the inner monologue of ths young man in the other song in the hours before he woke Maggie up.
30 - "Monkey Spanner," Dave and Ansil Collins
The second and last hit for the unrelated Jamaicans was a little less trippy than "Double Barrel," but no less of a kick for that. A "heavy heavy monster sound" indeed.
29 - "At the Top of the Stairs," The Formations
This Philadelphia group picked up a hit with the Northern Soul crowd with this very Motown-y song about feeling like a breakup has removed all meaning from life. It might not climb all the way, but it's no more than a couple of steps short.
28 - "Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast," Daniel Boone
A year before Wayne Newton took this into the U.S. Top Five, this Brummie born Peter Stirling took this weepie about a child preventing her father from leaving home made the Top Twenty here. It's still plenty sappy, but Boone doesn't quite drown you in it the way Wayne does.
27 - "Me and You and a Dog Named Boo," Lobo
Floridian Roland LaVoie's first and best hit, this folky lark about road tripping with a lady and a canine, was a Triple Top Ten. It remains the only song of his that doesn't make me wince inside.
26 - "For All We Know," Shirley Bassey
While the Carpenters' version of this song from the film Lovers and Other Strangers went Top Five in North America, it was held to #18 here, likely due to competition from the Tigress from Tiger Bay, whose own take went to #6. As much as I love Karen and Richard, I give the nod to Shirley here. I think her voice works better for this song, and I like the little hints of reggae in the arrangement.
25 - "I Believe (In Love)," Hot Chocolate
Errol Brown's boys scored their second Top Ten with this simple pop-soul love song. It doesn't quite have the distinct sound they would display in the future, but it's still a worthy effort that deservedly marked them as eventual chart stalwarts.
24 - "When Love Comes Round Again," Ken Dodd
The sixteenth hit for the Liverpool comic and would-be crooner was an English cover of the song that finished third at Italy's Sanremo Music Festival. It's lounge-schlager about how another chance at love is just around the corner. Well Ken, this chance has passed you by. This sucks.
23 - "Co-Co," Sweet
The glam greats' first Top Five was this calypso-rocker about a guy on a tropical island who can dance impressively. Catchy nonsense, but not really a harbinger of what was to come.
22 - "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep," Middle of the Road
While Mac and Katie Kissoon were taking this to the Top Twenty in America, this Scottish pop group was making this novelty about orphaned birds a #1. This version is poppier and cheesier, which better fits the spirit of the material, if not the letter.
21 - "Get Down and Get With It," Slade
Noddy Holder and crew had their first hit, and began a run of seventeen straight Top Twenties, with this cover of a 1964 R&B song by American Bobby Marchan. It's a solid base to introduce their boogie-rock style, and it set them up as crowd pleasing party starters. Suffice it to say, they would build on that.
In Part Two: both sides of a breakup, blatant false advertising, and a call to nudity.
Monday, September 9, 2019
...And As Years Go By: CT50 August 28, 1989
August 1989 in Canada. The Canadian equivalent of CNN, CBC Newsworld, has been up and running for a month. And it hasn't exactly been a boom time for major domestic news stories, so maybe they could have looked at, I don't know, the pop chart. Well, that's what I'm going to do at least.
Bonus Track #1: 65 - "America is Sexy," Paul Hyde (CanCon!)
After splitting from Payola$/Rock and Hyde partner Bob Rock, Hyde put out a solo record which produced this Top 30 hit. Basically, it's a big-beated dance rocker with a lyrical theme similar to the Guess Who's "American Woman:" comparing our southern neighbours to a human female in order to articulate our love/hate relationship with them. It's up there with the best of his previous bands.
Bonus Track #2: 62 - "A Friend is a Friend," Pete Townshend
This soft-rocker about the importance of having close compadres was from The Iron Man, a concept album based on the Ted Hughes story that would later inspire the animated movie The Iron Giant. The album contains contributions from not only Townshend's bandmate Roger Daltrey, but also Nina Simone and John Lee Hooker. Alas, this track is pretty much all Pete, so while it has its charm, it's just a dime-a-dozen positivity anthem.
Bonus Track #3: 52 - "Closer to Fine," Indigo Girls
Atlantans Amy Ray and Emily Sailers were signed in the wake of the success of folk-leaning artists such as Tracy Chapman and 10,000 Maniacs, and their first major-label single fell just short of the Top 50 on both sides of the border. It's a sprightly folk number about looking for meaning in alcohol, philosophy, and the companionship of others, but finally concluding that the less desperately you seek definitive answers, the more you find the clarity you're searching for. With backup from Irish band Hothouse Flowers, this is as a joyful, anthemic singalong that helped launch them on a career that has seen little mainstream radio success but steady sales and a devoted fan base.
50 - "Let the Day Begin," The Call
This band from Santa Cruz, California, floated around major labels and rock radio for much of the 80s, and scored the closest thing they would get to a pop hit with this bar-band chugger that pays tribute to the triumphs and tragedies of people from all walks of life. There are moments when it sounds like it was written for a coffee commercial, but the sincerity of the performance keeps it grounded enough not to leave a bitter aftertaste.
49 - "Can't Live With You, Can't Live Without You," Billy Newton-Davis and Celine Dion (CanCon!)
Cleveland-born R&B singer Newton-Davis moved up north in 1980, and soon became one of the leading lights of the country's soul scene. His biggest radio success came with this track, on which he duetted with a young singer from Quebec making her English-language recording debut. It's a basic MOR power ballad of the time, and Newton-Davis holds his own with the future superstar, whose powerhouse pipes were on display even then. A highlight of one career, a little-remembered footnote of another.
41 - "Missing You," Candi (CanCon!)
Ms. Pennella and band had their third hit with this bit of cookie-cutter teen pop. You aren't missing anything if you don't know this.
36 - "How Long," Blue Rodeo (CanCon!)
The Toronto country-rockers fourth hit was this song that seems to be about someone who once had a lot of power but can't understand how they lost it. I think that's it. One of the clutch of middling-for-them-but-outstanding-for-anyone-else hits that I would present to make the case that they should have become international stars.
34 - "Stranger than Paradise," Sass Jordan (CanCon!)
The British-born Montrealer had her third hit with this breakup ballad. At this point, she was the better, Canadian version of Taylor Dayne. She would later evolve into our almost-as-good version of Melissa Etheridge. She did good stuff in both incarnations.
33 - "Boy with a Beat," Trooper (CanCon!)
The Vancouver veterans picked up their first hit in almost a decade with this tune about a poor stutterer who still manages to be a chick magnet. Their sound didn't change much, but it's more comforting than stale, and it's fun to imagine the guy they're describing fitting into one of their older hits, He could have easily been one of the Boys in the Bright White Sportscars, he would definitely be in the sights of Threes Dressed Up as Nines, and he would almost certainly be up to Raising a Little Hell.
32 - "Trouble Me," 10,000 Maniacs
This single from the Jamestown, New York folk-pop outfit fell just shore of the Top 40 at home, but became their first such hit just across the border. It's a warm, welcoming offer of unconditional solace, written for singer Natalie Merchant's then-hospitalized father. Genuinely moving, and one of the reasons Merchant is on my list of "phone book singers."
24 - "Waterline," Paradox (CanCon!)
The first and biggest hit for this Quebec band was this new wavish wish for peace and love. Okay, but plenty of bands did this type of thing much better much earlier.
23 - "Jackie Brown," John Mellencamp
The Indianan's final hit of this decade was this countryish portrait of American poverty. It's evocative and suitably downbeat, but I can understand how the public wasn't as receptive to the overtly angry music he was making at this time, such as this and previous single "Pop Singer," as they were to some of the more subtly critical material he had released earlier.
21 - "Black Velvet," Alannah Myles (CanCon!)
Several months before it did a #1-#2 punch on the U.S. and U.K. charts, thRobie second domestic single from the Torontonian born Alannah Byles snuck into the Top Ten here. It's a sultry, midtempo ode to the young Elvis Presley, and Myles' sultry purr conveys the mix of admiration and lust he inspired in his female fans perfectly. Too popular overseas to qualify as a Certified CanCon Classic, but it is unquestionably a product of that system (entirely created in Canada by Canadians), and thus I dub it a Commendable CanCon Conqueror.
19 - "All the Things I Wasn't," The Grapes of Wrath (CanCon!)
The first hit for this group out of Kelowna, B.C. was this acoustic autopsy of a dead relationship. Gorgeously sad. The kind of song that you're pretty sure could have been really big if it had only been discovered by a filmmaker or TV producer and used in a memorable scene. Maybe if Lisa Loeb hadn't been living next door to Ethan Hawke while he was making Reality Bites, this could have been the big ballad from that soundtrack.
12 - "Hard Sun," Indio (CanCon!)
Hamilton native Gordon Peterson flashed in and out of the music scene, recording one major-label LP and then disappearing from the industry. But his one hit single was this majestic folk-rocker about love and spirituality and loss and anything else you can take from the lyric. While it missed the Hot 100 in the States, it was a substantial rock and alternative radio hit there, and was well-known enough for Sean Penn to ask Eddie Vedder to record a pretty-much identical cover for his 2009 directorial effort Into the Wild. Apparently, Peterson took this as a mixed blessing, for while it helped secure a reissue of his album, he also was sufficiently unhappy with a lyric Vedder changed that he sued. This just adds to the enigma of this uniquely striking song.
You don't need a Sharpie to draw these songs into the path of the Top Ten.
10 - "Hangin' Tough," New Kids on the Block
The non-threatening Boston boys try to tell the world how threatening they are. The U's bought it to the point of making it #1. But us cynical hardcases up here held it to #6. Their funky song did not put us in a trance.
9 - "Rock n' Roll Duty," Kim Mitchell (CanCon!)
The first Top Ten for the former Max Webster frontman was this rock tune about how much he loves playing and tour. It's too slick for me. It doesn't have the goofy sincerity of "Go for Soda" or the wistful honesty of "Patio Lanterns."
8 - "Don't Wanna Lose You," Gloria Estefan
This pretty ballad was the first without Miami Sound Machine getting billed. #1 at home, #3 here, #6 in Britain. If you have to hear a doctor's office love song, there are many worse options.
7 - "Toy Soldiers," Martika
Yet another American #1 that we didn't put that high. But two Top Fives to go with the #1 seems pretty acceptable for the Califorinan's ballad about a friend's cocaine addiction. Another case of a serious message effectively wrapped in catchy pop.
6 - "On Our Own," Bobby Brown
The ex-New Editioner's Ghostbusters II theme did a Ramones-style #2-#3-#4 on the charts. Naturally, we were the 3. Always right down the middle, we are.
5 - "Cold Hearted," Paula Abdul
Paula's third home #1 was held to #2 here. But at least we didn't relegate it to #46 like those mean Brits. That was pretty harsh. I think this was her best hit. It's poppy, but there's enough of an edge to make it not as sugary as some of her other stuff.
4 - "The End of the Innocence," Don Henley
Don's putdown of the Reagan administration was a Top Five here, but only got to #8 in the States. Ollie North was featured in the video. He failed to succeed in unintentionally bringing down Ronnie back then, but he may have helped unintentionally bring down the National Rifle Association three decades later. He may win my cold heart yet.
3 - "Batdance," Prince
This time it was the Brits who denied Mr. Nelson's crazed pastiche of Batman dialogue and snatches of songs he wrote for the film a Triple Crown. If they hadn't held out, it may have been a contender to be the all-time Uneasy Rider among Triple Crown winners. It's still hard to believe that this mishmash, as intriguing as it may be, was such a success.
2 - "So Alive," Love and Rockets
This slinky dance-rocker from three ex-members of British goth legends Bauhaus topped our chart, got to #3 here, and...#79 in the U.K. No love for them at home, and certainly no rockets. These three couldn't succeed over there singing about feeling alive, nor could they do so with a song about Bela Lugosi being dead. I guess the midpoint between those extremes is covering a song done by Bowie in an alien persona, because that's what they had their biggest hit with at home. Huh.
1 - "Right Here Waiting," Richard Marx
Blechhh. Terrible mush. Britain's denying it the Crown, even by just once place, is downright heroic. This is what comes to mind when I think of the horrors of Marxism.
It's Britain again next time. Come along with me then.
Bonus Track #1: 65 - "America is Sexy," Paul Hyde (CanCon!)
After splitting from Payola$/Rock and Hyde partner Bob Rock, Hyde put out a solo record which produced this Top 30 hit. Basically, it's a big-beated dance rocker with a lyrical theme similar to the Guess Who's "American Woman:" comparing our southern neighbours to a human female in order to articulate our love/hate relationship with them. It's up there with the best of his previous bands.
Bonus Track #2: 62 - "A Friend is a Friend," Pete Townshend
This soft-rocker about the importance of having close compadres was from The Iron Man, a concept album based on the Ted Hughes story that would later inspire the animated movie The Iron Giant. The album contains contributions from not only Townshend's bandmate Roger Daltrey, but also Nina Simone and John Lee Hooker. Alas, this track is pretty much all Pete, so while it has its charm, it's just a dime-a-dozen positivity anthem.
Bonus Track #3: 52 - "Closer to Fine," Indigo Girls
Atlantans Amy Ray and Emily Sailers were signed in the wake of the success of folk-leaning artists such as Tracy Chapman and 10,000 Maniacs, and their first major-label single fell just short of the Top 50 on both sides of the border. It's a sprightly folk number about looking for meaning in alcohol, philosophy, and the companionship of others, but finally concluding that the less desperately you seek definitive answers, the more you find the clarity you're searching for. With backup from Irish band Hothouse Flowers, this is as a joyful, anthemic singalong that helped launch them on a career that has seen little mainstream radio success but steady sales and a devoted fan base.
50 - "Let the Day Begin," The Call
This band from Santa Cruz, California, floated around major labels and rock radio for much of the 80s, and scored the closest thing they would get to a pop hit with this bar-band chugger that pays tribute to the triumphs and tragedies of people from all walks of life. There are moments when it sounds like it was written for a coffee commercial, but the sincerity of the performance keeps it grounded enough not to leave a bitter aftertaste.
49 - "Can't Live With You, Can't Live Without You," Billy Newton-Davis and Celine Dion (CanCon!)
Cleveland-born R&B singer Newton-Davis moved up north in 1980, and soon became one of the leading lights of the country's soul scene. His biggest radio success came with this track, on which he duetted with a young singer from Quebec making her English-language recording debut. It's a basic MOR power ballad of the time, and Newton-Davis holds his own with the future superstar, whose powerhouse pipes were on display even then. A highlight of one career, a little-remembered footnote of another.
41 - "Missing You," Candi (CanCon!)
Ms. Pennella and band had their third hit with this bit of cookie-cutter teen pop. You aren't missing anything if you don't know this.
36 - "How Long," Blue Rodeo (CanCon!)
The Toronto country-rockers fourth hit was this song that seems to be about someone who once had a lot of power but can't understand how they lost it. I think that's it. One of the clutch of middling-for-them-but-outstanding-for-anyone-else hits that I would present to make the case that they should have become international stars.
34 - "Stranger than Paradise," Sass Jordan (CanCon!)
The British-born Montrealer had her third hit with this breakup ballad. At this point, she was the better, Canadian version of Taylor Dayne. She would later evolve into our almost-as-good version of Melissa Etheridge. She did good stuff in both incarnations.
33 - "Boy with a Beat," Trooper (CanCon!)
The Vancouver veterans picked up their first hit in almost a decade with this tune about a poor stutterer who still manages to be a chick magnet. Their sound didn't change much, but it's more comforting than stale, and it's fun to imagine the guy they're describing fitting into one of their older hits, He could have easily been one of the Boys in the Bright White Sportscars, he would definitely be in the sights of Threes Dressed Up as Nines, and he would almost certainly be up to Raising a Little Hell.
32 - "Trouble Me," 10,000 Maniacs
This single from the Jamestown, New York folk-pop outfit fell just shore of the Top 40 at home, but became their first such hit just across the border. It's a warm, welcoming offer of unconditional solace, written for singer Natalie Merchant's then-hospitalized father. Genuinely moving, and one of the reasons Merchant is on my list of "phone book singers."
24 - "Waterline," Paradox (CanCon!)
The first and biggest hit for this Quebec band was this new wavish wish for peace and love. Okay, but plenty of bands did this type of thing much better much earlier.
23 - "Jackie Brown," John Mellencamp
The Indianan's final hit of this decade was this countryish portrait of American poverty. It's evocative and suitably downbeat, but I can understand how the public wasn't as receptive to the overtly angry music he was making at this time, such as this and previous single "Pop Singer," as they were to some of the more subtly critical material he had released earlier.
21 - "Black Velvet," Alannah Myles (CanCon!)
Several months before it did a #1-#2 punch on the U.S. and U.K. charts, thRobie second domestic single from the Torontonian born Alannah Byles snuck into the Top Ten here. It's a sultry, midtempo ode to the young Elvis Presley, and Myles' sultry purr conveys the mix of admiration and lust he inspired in his female fans perfectly. Too popular overseas to qualify as a Certified CanCon Classic, but it is unquestionably a product of that system (entirely created in Canada by Canadians), and thus I dub it a Commendable CanCon Conqueror.
19 - "All the Things I Wasn't," The Grapes of Wrath (CanCon!)
The first hit for this group out of Kelowna, B.C. was this acoustic autopsy of a dead relationship. Gorgeously sad. The kind of song that you're pretty sure could have been really big if it had only been discovered by a filmmaker or TV producer and used in a memorable scene. Maybe if Lisa Loeb hadn't been living next door to Ethan Hawke while he was making Reality Bites, this could have been the big ballad from that soundtrack.
12 - "Hard Sun," Indio (CanCon!)
Hamilton native Gordon Peterson flashed in and out of the music scene, recording one major-label LP and then disappearing from the industry. But his one hit single was this majestic folk-rocker about love and spirituality and loss and anything else you can take from the lyric. While it missed the Hot 100 in the States, it was a substantial rock and alternative radio hit there, and was well-known enough for Sean Penn to ask Eddie Vedder to record a pretty-much identical cover for his 2009 directorial effort Into the Wild. Apparently, Peterson took this as a mixed blessing, for while it helped secure a reissue of his album, he also was sufficiently unhappy with a lyric Vedder changed that he sued. This just adds to the enigma of this uniquely striking song.
You don't need a Sharpie to draw these songs into the path of the Top Ten.
10 - "Hangin' Tough," New Kids on the Block
The non-threatening Boston boys try to tell the world how threatening they are. The U's bought it to the point of making it #1. But us cynical hardcases up here held it to #6. Their funky song did not put us in a trance.
9 - "Rock n' Roll Duty," Kim Mitchell (CanCon!)
The first Top Ten for the former Max Webster frontman was this rock tune about how much he loves playing and tour. It's too slick for me. It doesn't have the goofy sincerity of "Go for Soda" or the wistful honesty of "Patio Lanterns."
8 - "Don't Wanna Lose You," Gloria Estefan
This pretty ballad was the first without Miami Sound Machine getting billed. #1 at home, #3 here, #6 in Britain. If you have to hear a doctor's office love song, there are many worse options.
7 - "Toy Soldiers," Martika
Yet another American #1 that we didn't put that high. But two Top Fives to go with the #1 seems pretty acceptable for the Califorinan's ballad about a friend's cocaine addiction. Another case of a serious message effectively wrapped in catchy pop.
6 - "On Our Own," Bobby Brown
The ex-New Editioner's Ghostbusters II theme did a Ramones-style #2-#3-#4 on the charts. Naturally, we were the 3. Always right down the middle, we are.
5 - "Cold Hearted," Paula Abdul
Paula's third home #1 was held to #2 here. But at least we didn't relegate it to #46 like those mean Brits. That was pretty harsh. I think this was her best hit. It's poppy, but there's enough of an edge to make it not as sugary as some of her other stuff.
4 - "The End of the Innocence," Don Henley
Don's putdown of the Reagan administration was a Top Five here, but only got to #8 in the States. Ollie North was featured in the video. He failed to succeed in unintentionally bringing down Ronnie back then, but he may have helped unintentionally bring down the National Rifle Association three decades later. He may win my cold heart yet.
3 - "Batdance," Prince
This time it was the Brits who denied Mr. Nelson's crazed pastiche of Batman dialogue and snatches of songs he wrote for the film a Triple Crown. If they hadn't held out, it may have been a contender to be the all-time Uneasy Rider among Triple Crown winners. It's still hard to believe that this mishmash, as intriguing as it may be, was such a success.
2 - "So Alive," Love and Rockets
This slinky dance-rocker from three ex-members of British goth legends Bauhaus topped our chart, got to #3 here, and...#79 in the U.K. No love for them at home, and certainly no rockets. These three couldn't succeed over there singing about feeling alive, nor could they do so with a song about Bela Lugosi being dead. I guess the midpoint between those extremes is covering a song done by Bowie in an alien persona, because that's what they had their biggest hit with at home. Huh.
1 - "Right Here Waiting," Richard Marx
Blechhh. Terrible mush. Britain's denying it the Crown, even by just once place, is downright heroic. This is what comes to mind when I think of the horrors of Marxism.
It's Britain again next time. Come along with me then.
Thursday, September 5, 2019
AOMA: UKT40 August 21, 1982 Part Two
The second reel.
20 - "I Second That Emotion," Japan
The second and last Top Ten for David Sylvian and co. was this cover of the 1967 Smokey Robinson classic. I move that it's a cool, different take that honors the original but justifies its own existence.
19 - "Shy Boy," Bananarama
The trio's first hit without Fun Boy Three was this jaunty dance-popper about unleashing the love potential of a wallflower. Yes, it does make me feel good. They're definitely in that "their early stuff is the best" category
18 - "Summertime," Fun Boy Three
These ex-Specials were doing just fine without Bananarama, as evidenced by their fifth overall hit, a cover of the most famous song from the 1935 George Gershwin opera Porgy and Bess. You all know it: jumping fish, high cotton, wealthy and attractive parents. This is kind of a dark-sounding take on it, but whether or not the irony was intentional, I like it a lot.
17 - "Hurry Home," Wavelength
Can't find much about the band, but this ballad about missing someone was popularized when it was frequently requested on Family Favourites, a radio programme where listeners connected with and dedicated songs to British military members serving abroad. An okay song, with a bit of a watered-down 10cc sound that scored a point or two with me.
16 - "John Wayne is Big Leggy," Haysi Fantayzee
The first hit for this London band was this strange, Bow Wow Wow-esque song that imagines John Wayne having sex with a Native American woman, seemingly as a metaphor for the inequities of colonialism. It's disguised as a nonsensical raveup, but the message is there to be found, and there is an edge to the vocals and arrangement that doesn't overwhelm it, a la "Born in the U.S.A." A diamond waiting to by mined by discrimiinating pop fans.
15 - "Big Fun," Kool and the Gang
Another one from their poppy 80s incarnation. It's like a better version of "Celebration." No hint of the horrors that would soon come with "Cherish."
14 - "Arthur Daley ('E's Alright)," The Firm
Two years after Denis Waterman scored a hit with the theme song from Minder, the show he starred in, a London group had a hit celebrating his character's frequent associate, an entrepreneur known for his shady business practices. A lot of rapid-fire Cockney verbiage makes it difficult for those with no familiarity to the show to really get into it. The Firm would take on a bigger cultural phenomenon five years later with their next hit, the #1 "Star Trekkin'."
13 - "What," Soft Cell''
The Leeds duo's fifth consecutive Top Five was this cover of a 1968 recording by American Judy Street that later became a Northern Soul hit. Hmm, that sounds like a familiar formula from these guys. But no complaints here. Catchy song, fun arrangement, good stuff. I don't need to be sold very heavily on this one's merits.
12 - "I Eat Cannibals," Toto Coelho
A second look at this strangely infectious synthpopper that somehow equates sexual desire with the literal hunger for human flesh. I'm still not sure why someone decided this was a good idea for a pop song, and I'm really not sure why I ended up agreeing with this assessment. So wrong, yet somehow so right.
11 - "The Clapping Song," The Belle Stars
The second hit for this all-female band was this cover of the 1965 Shirley Ellis novelty about dancing, animal naughtiness, and how to cost oneself a rubber doll. It's pretty much the same arrangement as Pia Zadora's U.S. hit version, but it's better because, well, there's no Pia Zadora on it.
10 - "My Girl Lollipop (My Boy Lollipop)," Bad Manners
Buster Bloodvessel and crew had their last Top Ten with this gender-flipped cover of Millie Small's 1964 hit. This version is fast and frantic, and entertaining enough to be worthwhile. But it's truly no match for Millie. That's the one that will set your world on fire.
9 - "Stool Pigeon," Kid Creole and the Coconuts
The third hit for August Darnell's outfit was this outstanding disco-jazz number about a man who becomes an FBI informant after his release from prison. Before Warren G. Dr. Dre. et all, this was the original G-funk. Your want to put on a suit, take your best moll by the arm, and hit the Copa to discuss, er, business with your associates. First on the agenda: finding the stoolie and filling that rat full of hot lead, ya see.
8 - "Driving in My Car," Madness
The Nutty Boys' seventh Top Five was this rattling, shambolic pop song about having an old clunker and loving it despite its deficiencies. It captures well the inexplicable bond some people have with their longtime automobiles. I'm almost the opposite of a car person, so I have to learn that experience vicariously through thingLos like this.
7 - "Strange Little Girl," The Stranglers
The Guildford band's fifth Top Ten was this Velvet Underground-ish midtempo ballad about a young woman looking for a way out of stagnation and disillusionment. I heard Tori Amos' version before I heard this, and I have to say. she kind of missed the point. This destroys that cover.
6 - "Can't Take My Eyes Off You," Boys Town Gang
Another outing for this San Francisco group's disco cover of the Four Seasons. It's well below the original, as well as covers by the Pet Shop Boys and Lauryn Hill. This is too much like a 70s variety show production number.
5 - "It Started With a Kiss," Hot Chocolate
Their eleventh Top Ten was this tune about a childhood romance that is more fondly remembered by one party than the other. I feel like these guys are underrated for their ability to tell effective stories while still creating indelible pop songs. I warm up to them more all the time.
4 - "Don't Go," Yazoo
The Essex duo's second hit was this synth-dance hurricane. Sometimes I get this mixed up with "Situation," but that doesn't make either any less great. Both give you jumpy keyboards and Alison Moyet's soulful growl-wail. Can't go wrong.
3 - "Fame," Irene Cara
The pulsing theme from the movie got to #1 here when it was the theme to the series. Well, that's better than Canada ever did. It peaked here at...#42. This isn't the greatest song ever, but still, that's very wrong.
2 - "Eye of the Tiger," Survivor
The Chicago band's Triple Crown-winning Rocky III theme would not have existed if Queen had agreed to let the producers use "Another One Bites the Dust." Freddie gave more to the world than we even knew. And now he's watching us all with the optic organ of a wild feline.
1 - "Come On Eileen," Dexy's Midnight Runners
Their second #1 here was denied a Triple Crown by one Canadian chart place. It's still one of the more unique international charttoppers ever. Mixing Celtic folk and R&B in a joyous romp about young love and optimism seemed almost too crazy to be commercial, and yet this song is one of the 80s most enduring hits.
Next time, it's back to Canada. See you then.
20 - "I Second That Emotion," Japan
The second and last Top Ten for David Sylvian and co. was this cover of the 1967 Smokey Robinson classic. I move that it's a cool, different take that honors the original but justifies its own existence.
19 - "Shy Boy," Bananarama
The trio's first hit without Fun Boy Three was this jaunty dance-popper about unleashing the love potential of a wallflower. Yes, it does make me feel good. They're definitely in that "their early stuff is the best" category
18 - "Summertime," Fun Boy Three
These ex-Specials were doing just fine without Bananarama, as evidenced by their fifth overall hit, a cover of the most famous song from the 1935 George Gershwin opera Porgy and Bess. You all know it: jumping fish, high cotton, wealthy and attractive parents. This is kind of a dark-sounding take on it, but whether or not the irony was intentional, I like it a lot.
17 - "Hurry Home," Wavelength
Can't find much about the band, but this ballad about missing someone was popularized when it was frequently requested on Family Favourites, a radio programme where listeners connected with and dedicated songs to British military members serving abroad. An okay song, with a bit of a watered-down 10cc sound that scored a point or two with me.
16 - "John Wayne is Big Leggy," Haysi Fantayzee
The first hit for this London band was this strange, Bow Wow Wow-esque song that imagines John Wayne having sex with a Native American woman, seemingly as a metaphor for the inequities of colonialism. It's disguised as a nonsensical raveup, but the message is there to be found, and there is an edge to the vocals and arrangement that doesn't overwhelm it, a la "Born in the U.S.A." A diamond waiting to by mined by discrimiinating pop fans.
15 - "Big Fun," Kool and the Gang
Another one from their poppy 80s incarnation. It's like a better version of "Celebration." No hint of the horrors that would soon come with "Cherish."
14 - "Arthur Daley ('E's Alright)," The Firm
Two years after Denis Waterman scored a hit with the theme song from Minder, the show he starred in, a London group had a hit celebrating his character's frequent associate, an entrepreneur known for his shady business practices. A lot of rapid-fire Cockney verbiage makes it difficult for those with no familiarity to the show to really get into it. The Firm would take on a bigger cultural phenomenon five years later with their next hit, the #1 "Star Trekkin'."
13 - "What," Soft Cell''
The Leeds duo's fifth consecutive Top Five was this cover of a 1968 recording by American Judy Street that later became a Northern Soul hit. Hmm, that sounds like a familiar formula from these guys. But no complaints here. Catchy song, fun arrangement, good stuff. I don't need to be sold very heavily on this one's merits.
12 - "I Eat Cannibals," Toto Coelho
A second look at this strangely infectious synthpopper that somehow equates sexual desire with the literal hunger for human flesh. I'm still not sure why someone decided this was a good idea for a pop song, and I'm really not sure why I ended up agreeing with this assessment. So wrong, yet somehow so right.
11 - "The Clapping Song," The Belle Stars
The second hit for this all-female band was this cover of the 1965 Shirley Ellis novelty about dancing, animal naughtiness, and how to cost oneself a rubber doll. It's pretty much the same arrangement as Pia Zadora's U.S. hit version, but it's better because, well, there's no Pia Zadora on it.
10 - "My Girl Lollipop (My Boy Lollipop)," Bad Manners
Buster Bloodvessel and crew had their last Top Ten with this gender-flipped cover of Millie Small's 1964 hit. This version is fast and frantic, and entertaining enough to be worthwhile. But it's truly no match for Millie. That's the one that will set your world on fire.
9 - "Stool Pigeon," Kid Creole and the Coconuts
The third hit for August Darnell's outfit was this outstanding disco-jazz number about a man who becomes an FBI informant after his release from prison. Before Warren G. Dr. Dre. et all, this was the original G-funk. Your want to put on a suit, take your best moll by the arm, and hit the Copa to discuss, er, business with your associates. First on the agenda: finding the stoolie and filling that rat full of hot lead, ya see.
8 - "Driving in My Car," Madness
The Nutty Boys' seventh Top Five was this rattling, shambolic pop song about having an old clunker and loving it despite its deficiencies. It captures well the inexplicable bond some people have with their longtime automobiles. I'm almost the opposite of a car person, so I have to learn that experience vicariously through thingLos like this.
7 - "Strange Little Girl," The Stranglers
The Guildford band's fifth Top Ten was this Velvet Underground-ish midtempo ballad about a young woman looking for a way out of stagnation and disillusionment. I heard Tori Amos' version before I heard this, and I have to say. she kind of missed the point. This destroys that cover.
6 - "Can't Take My Eyes Off You," Boys Town Gang
Another outing for this San Francisco group's disco cover of the Four Seasons. It's well below the original, as well as covers by the Pet Shop Boys and Lauryn Hill. This is too much like a 70s variety show production number.
5 - "It Started With a Kiss," Hot Chocolate
Their eleventh Top Ten was this tune about a childhood romance that is more fondly remembered by one party than the other. I feel like these guys are underrated for their ability to tell effective stories while still creating indelible pop songs. I warm up to them more all the time.
4 - "Don't Go," Yazoo
The Essex duo's second hit was this synth-dance hurricane. Sometimes I get this mixed up with "Situation," but that doesn't make either any less great. Both give you jumpy keyboards and Alison Moyet's soulful growl-wail. Can't go wrong.
3 - "Fame," Irene Cara
The pulsing theme from the movie got to #1 here when it was the theme to the series. Well, that's better than Canada ever did. It peaked here at...#42. This isn't the greatest song ever, but still, that's very wrong.
2 - "Eye of the Tiger," Survivor
The Chicago band's Triple Crown-winning Rocky III theme would not have existed if Queen had agreed to let the producers use "Another One Bites the Dust." Freddie gave more to the world than we even knew. And now he's watching us all with the optic organ of a wild feline.
1 - "Come On Eileen," Dexy's Midnight Runners
Their second #1 here was denied a Triple Crown by one Canadian chart place. It's still one of the more unique international charttoppers ever. Mixing Celtic folk and R&B in a joyous romp about young love and optimism seemed almost too crazy to be commercial, and yet this song is one of the 80s most enduring hits.
Next time, it's back to Canada. See you then.
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