December 1999. Britain was preparing to celebrate the year 2000 with a millennium eye, a millennium dome, and a millennium stadium. And here’s a millennium chart.
40 - “Genie in a Bottle,” Christina Aguilera
The Pittsburgh-raised pop diva’s Triple Crown-winning first hit. A slinky groove, a teasing lyric, and a superior vocal talent. I appreciate it much more now than I did then.
39 - “The Final Countdown 2000,” Europe
A dance remix of the hair metal classic, made to cash in on millennium mania by the guy who produced Cher’s “Believe.” A complete waste of energy.
38 - “I Learned from the Best,” Whitney Houston
Whit’s 26th Top 40 was this attitude-laden ballad about turning the tables on a serial heartbreaker. Possibly the highlight of the second half of her career. Shockingly, it was a Diane Warren composition produced by David Foster. A surprise winner from a combination I usually can’t stand.
37 - “Turn Your Lights Down Low,” Bob Marley featuring Lauryn Hill
A remix of a track from Marley’s Exodus LP, featuring the former Fugee who was riding high off of the phenomenal success and acclaim of her solo debut. Hill is class, and the production by Marley’s son Stephen is modern yet reverent. A sultry swooner that never seems like a mere gimmick.
36 - “Blue (Da Ba Dee),” Eiffel 65
An Italian dance group’s silly earworm about a blue man living in a blue world was denied a Triple Crown by America, who held it to #6. I’m surprisingly disappointed by that. It walks the line between catchy and annoying, and right now, it’s falling on the former side of the line. But that could be because of the benefit of the passage of time.
35 - “Right Now,” Atomic Kitten
A Liverpool girl group masterminded by OMD’s Andy McCluskey, this trio went Top Ten with their debut single, a danceable sex plea enlivened by some nice wah-wah guitar. Does it mean anything that the band we encountered in my first British sojourn, Atomic Rooster, is synonymous with “radioactive cock,” and this one could be expressed as “radioactive pussy?” Probably not. And I feel dirty for even thinking that.
34 - “Just Wave Hello,” Charlotte Church
This native of Cardiff was just 11 in 1997 when she sang “Pie Jesu” over the phone on a breakfast Tv show, which led to a major record deal and an invitation to sing at the wedding of media mogul Rupert Murdoch. Her second album produced her first hit single, this operatically sung song of hope and friendship created for a Ford ad campaign. It sounds pretty, but it doesn’t do much for me.
33 - “A Christmas Kiss,” Daniel O’Donnell
From Donegal, Ireland, this easy listening stalwart had a string of chart hits in this decade and into the next, including this retro fluff in the vein of past holiday hits by Cliff Richard and Shakin’ Stevens. I’m not big on this kind of thing, but I’m familiar enough to feel that those guys do it better.
32 - “Under Pressure,” Queen and David Bowie
A reissue of the titanic clash of glam and operatics. It remains thrilling, and unblunted by “Ice Ice Baby.” #1 here, #3 in Canada, and in the U.S....29. That’s not OK.
31 - “Baby it’s Cold Outside,” Tom Jones and Cerys Matthews
Deep in his 90s revival, Tommy duets with fellow Wales native Matthews of the band Catatonia on a song that became the talking point of this holiday season. I see both sides of the argument, but in the end, it’s a curio of its time, and while there’s nothing wrong with examining such things with modern eyes, I think in the end if you know the context, it’s harmless. And Jones and Matthews’ brassy rendition evokes mutual playfulness. Better than any of the other versions I heard this year.
30 - “Talking in Your Sleep/Love Me,” Martine McCutcheon
Hackney native McCutcheon has had an acting career highlighted by a role on the soap EastEnders and being Hugh Grant’s love interest in 2003’s holiday perennial Love Actually. In between, she scored five Top Tens, the third being a disc containing covers of late 70s hits by Crystal Gayle and Yvonne Elliman, respectively. Neither makes me forget the original.
29 - “That’s the Way it Is,” Celine Dion
The Québécoise Queen ended her breakout decade with this Max Martin-powered dance-pop anthem about faith and perseverance. A professional effort all around, and I do mean that as a compliment.
28 - “Flying Without Wings,” Westlife
This Irish boy band formed in Sligo as a six-piece, but when Simon Cowell signed them to a record deal, he held true to his reputation by firing half the group for being “too ugly” and replacing them with two better looking dudes. Harsh, but the result was that their first six singles hit #1. The third in this string was this sappy ballad about how euphoric life’s simple pleasures can be. It’s not for me, but I get how it connected with its target audience.
27 - “Big Boys Don’t Cry/Rockin’ Robin,” Lolly
The third Top Ten for Birmingham native Anna Kumble was this double-sider. The A is a ballad of love and support, while the B is a cover of the song first popularized by Bobby Day in 1958 that’s modeled after Michael Jackson’s 1972 version. The B wins because it’s a better song, but neither are essential.
26 - “Will 2K,” Will Smith
The former Fresh Prince samples The Clash and employs Jodeci’s K-Ci Hailey on his attempt to re-brand the year 2000. Well, it’s better than “Wild Wild West,”
25 - “I Shall Be There,” B*Witched
The Irish girls’ penultimate hit was this inspirational ballad featuring contributions from South African vocal group Ladysmith Black Mambazo, best known in the West for their work on Paul Simon’s Graceland LP. They are a welcome addition to what would otherwise be predictable product.
24 - “Keep On Movin’,” Five
The London boys’ first #1 was this jaunty piece of positivity. More Smash Mouth than N’Sync. Refreshingly catchy and fun. And do not take this as an endorsement of Smash Mouth.
23 - “Communication (Somebody Answer the Phone),” Mario Piu
The biggest hit for this Italian DJ was this speedy houser whose lyrical contact consists of a monotone woman saying the subtitular phrase. A hopped-up hurricane of hustle.
22 - “Northern Star,” Melanie C
The deluge of solo Spice Girls had begun, and the early returns had Sporty ahead of the pack, as she was already on her third Top Five with this dance-pop track about inspiration and devotion. She was always seen as the talent anchor behind all the Girl Power flash, and this validates that perception.
21 - “Horny Horns,” Perfect Phase
The biggest hit for this Dutch dance duo was this thumping number. There seems to be a lot of air horn in it, which I do not find appealing. Stuff like this, I imagine, gave even clubgoers who didn’t drink hangovers.
In Part Two: a famous urinator, sentient feces, and yes, that guy was there right until the end.
Monday, December 31, 2018
Saturday, December 22, 2018
The Old Man’s Ultimate U.S. 70s Uneasy Rider Tournament: Round Two, Part 1
At last, just in time for bowl season, we have the second round of our tournament. The survivors of our first two brackets take the field once again in their next step toward...glory? Will favourites fall? Will songs that cruised in the first round hit a wall in the second? Let the games begin.
THE GO AHEAD AND HATE YOUR NEIGHBOR BOWL
“One Tin Soldier,” Coven, 1971
vs. “Half-Breed,” Cher, 1973
The occult band’s #26 allegory about greed versus Cher’s charttopping prejudice lament.
Final Score: Soldier 49, Half-Breed 0. It was, metaphorically at least, a massacre. Cher thought her team would have a fair shot, but their opponents were very much willing to win at all costs. They didn’t even have to bring their most aggressive player off the bench. But we’ll be sure to see Billy Jack as the competition gets tougher.
THE DEMOCRATIC PROCESS BOWL
“Convention ‘72,” The Delegates, 1972
vs. “Elected,” Alice Cooper 1972
The #8 break-in political satire faces Alice’s #26 unlikely campaign launch.
Final Score: Convention 38, Elected 23. A game effort by Cooper’s delegation, but his opponents had a lot of tricks up their sleeves, and there were moments when they seemed to know exactly what plays their opponents would run. Reportedly there was a break-in at the Elected team hotel the night before, but at the moment there doesn’t seem to be any connection to the Delegates, so they still seem poised to rack up some more big victories. But the losing side left with heads held high, led by Cooper in his gold Rolls Royce.
THE FIGHT OR FLIGHT BOWL
“Big Yellow Taxi (Live),” Joni Mitchell, 1974
vs, “Hurricane,” Bob Dylan, 1975
Joni’s jazzy #24 take on her classic about progress trampling the environment takes on Bobby D.’s #33 plea for justice for a wrongly convicted boxer.
Final Score: Hurricane 45, Taxi 7. Dylan’s team came to fight, and they were relentless in their attack. Mitchell’s squad seemed demoralized by the fact that the field had been sprayed with DDT before the game, and some of them were seen leaving the stadium in cabs halfway through the third quarter.
THE I LEARNED THE TRUTH BOWL
“I am Woman,” Helen Reddy, 1972
vs. “At Seventeen,” Janis Ian, 1975
Helen’s #1 feminist anthem meets Janis’ #3 teen angst rumination.
Final Score: Woman 28, Seventeen 10. Helen had her team more than Reddy...er, ready, for a fight. Their opponents got down early, and then seemed to be resigned to defeat. The roar continues.
THE IT’S CRAZY OUT THERE BOWL
“Ball of Confusion (That’s What the World is Today),” The Temptations, 1970
vs. “What the World Needs Now is Love/Abraham, Martin and John,” Tom Clay, 1971
The Temps #3 portrayal of turmoil is matched up with Clay’s #8 message that hope for a more peaceful future lies with the children.
Final Score: World 21, Ball 14. The Temps took a quick lead with their aggressive attack, but there came a point in the third quarter when they decided that there was no point in trying any more. Clay’s team, with their youth and naïveté, still thought there was a chance to win, and they took it. How far can that sort of crazy thinking take them?
THE AMERICAN HISTORY II BOWL
“An American Trilogy,” Mickey Newbury, 1972
vs. “Uneasy Rider,” Charlie Daniels, 1973
Newbury’s #26 medley of historically significant American songs versus Daniels’ #9 hit about a clash of cultures and politics in the South.
Final Score: Rider 38, Trilogy 13. The Daniels team uses some questionable tactics in a dominant victory, but they distracted the refs with accusations of even worse infractions by their opponents, and they managed to get away with their skullduggery. It isn’t the truth that is marching on to the next round.
THE YOUNG MEN DYING NEEDLESSLY BOWL
“Monster,” Steppenwolf, 1970
vs. “The Killing of Georgie,” Rod Stewart, 197
The Canadian band’s highly critical #39 rundown of the lowlights of American history takes on Rod’s #30 depiction of a homophobia-motivated murder.
Final Score: Georgie 26, Monster 23 (OT). There wasn’t much between the two sides, and it took extra time to find a winner, but in the end, Rod just had a little extra kick. But without question, both teams fought the good fight.
THE OPINIONATED OUTSIDER BOWL
“Give Ireland Back to the Irish,” Wings, 1972
vs, “The Americans,” Byron MacGregor, 1974
McCartney’s #21 plea for Britain to let Northern Ireland go meets MacGregor’s #4 defence of Canada’s southern neighbours.
Final Score: Americans 45, Irish 12. Byron’s boys boomed and blustered their way to an easy win over Macca’s relatively tame push to end the Troubles. This team is strong, confident, and play offense and defense at a level few can match. They have to be considered one of the favourites to win it all at this point.
THE SON OF GOD OR GOD IS DEAD BOWL
“Joy,” Apollo 100, 1972
vs, “Also Sprach Zarathustra,” Deodato, 1972
A Brit’s #6 take on Bach faces a Brazilian’s #2 funkification of Strauss.
Final Score: Zarathustra 40, Joy 20. Both teams had similar strategies, but Deodato was working from a stronger playbook. Plus, they were assisted by a HAL 9000 computer. With such powerful technology, it seems like they should be going a long way with no problems.
THE BALLPARK REFRESHMENTS BOWL
“Popcorn,” Hot Butter, 1972
vs. “Beer Barrel Polka,” Bobby Vinton, 1975
A New Yorker’s #9 peek into the future matches up with the Polish Prince’s #33 blast from the past.
Final Score: Popcorn 55, Beer 3. The Hot Butter team were bursting with energy and flying all over the field. Vinton’s squad seemed to still be feeling the effects of celebrating their first win, and when they fell far behind early, they decided to just start celebrating again. Their opponents were gracious enough to supply snacks.
THE TONIGHT WE’RE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT’S 1941 BOWL
“Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy,” Bette Midler, 1973
vs. “Chattanooga Choo Choo,” Tuxedo Junction, 1978
Miss M’s #9 tribute to a swingin’ military musician goes up against a #32 disco version of a Glenn Miller train song.
Final Score: Bugle 24, Choo Choo 8. Bette’s squad had military precision and an inspirational team band. The Tuxedo team were just along for the ride.
THE SUMMER GRASS BOWL
“Summertime Blues,” The Who, 1970
vs. “Dueling Banjos,” Eric Weissberg and Steve Mandell, 1973
The Who’s #27 rip through Eddie Cochran’s rockabilly staple takes on the #2 pick fest made famous in the film Deliverance.
Final Score: Banjos 41, Blues 10. The game was played out in the middle of nowhere, which gave the Banjos a big advantage, and they weren’t shy about taking it. The Who protested the result by writing their Congressman, but he replied that he wasn’t their representative, as they aren’t even American citizens. It’s uncertain if they then tried the House of Lords, but regardless, the result stands.
THE DEMAND OR ASK POLITELY BOWL
“Gimme Dat Ding,” The Pipkins, 1970
vs. “Tusk,” Fleetwood Mac, 1979
A nonsensical #9 request faces a #8 parade of paranoia and, perhaps, pachyderms.
Final Score: Ding 24, Tusk 13. The Pipkins quelled the Mac attack by seemingly forcing turnovers at will. It also didn’t help that the Tusk team held their practices out in the open and even encouraged outsiders to film them, which severely undercut their chances of duplicating their previous success.
THE BUT MAMA, THAT’S WHERE THE FUN IS BOWL
“Blinded by the Light,” Manfred Mann’s Earth Band, 1977
vs. “Saturday Night,” Herman Brood and His Wild Romance, 1979
The British band’s #1 Springsteen cover takes on some #35 Dutch debauchery.
Final Score: Light 3, Night 0 (forfeit). The Earth Band were revved up like...something...to get on the field and run all over their opponents, but the Brood brood did not show. Some have speculated that this was because the game was scheduled on a Saturday evening on which the Wild Romance found better things to do. Sportingly, Coach Mann offered to send a team of teenage diplomats to search for them, but tournament officials opted to declare the contest forfeited.
THE PAZUZU COMES ALIVE BOWL
“Tubular Bells,” Mike Oldfield, 1974
vs. “Do You Feel Like We Do,” Peter Frampton, 1976
A haunting #7 piece that accompanied a demonic possession meets a guitar star’s #10 showcase of vocal distortion.
Final Score: Bells 54, Feel 3. Like others before them, Frampton’s boys partied too hard the night before the game. So any questions of extraordinary interference by the Oldfield squad did not seem to be answered, as there was a perfectly logical explanation for their opponents vomiting and falling down a lot.
THE DOO DAH WHOA WHOA BOWL
“Get Dancin’,” Disco Tex and the Sex-O-Lettes, 1975
vs. “Feelings,” Morris Albert, 1975
A coked-up #10 disco anthem versus a Brazilian lothario’s infamous #6 mushy punchline.
Final Score: Dancin’ 19, Feelings 14. Morris’ men tried to take it slow and methodical, seducing their opponents into surrender. But they were ultimately worn out by Tex’s rapid fire, machine gun approach, leaving them trying to forget the sensation of defeat.
There is much more to come in the second round, but next time, we’re going back to Britain for the holidays. See you then.
THE GO AHEAD AND HATE YOUR NEIGHBOR BOWL
“One Tin Soldier,” Coven, 1971
vs. “Half-Breed,” Cher, 1973
The occult band’s #26 allegory about greed versus Cher’s charttopping prejudice lament.
Final Score: Soldier 49, Half-Breed 0. It was, metaphorically at least, a massacre. Cher thought her team would have a fair shot, but their opponents were very much willing to win at all costs. They didn’t even have to bring their most aggressive player off the bench. But we’ll be sure to see Billy Jack as the competition gets tougher.
THE DEMOCRATIC PROCESS BOWL
“Convention ‘72,” The Delegates, 1972
vs. “Elected,” Alice Cooper 1972
The #8 break-in political satire faces Alice’s #26 unlikely campaign launch.
Final Score: Convention 38, Elected 23. A game effort by Cooper’s delegation, but his opponents had a lot of tricks up their sleeves, and there were moments when they seemed to know exactly what plays their opponents would run. Reportedly there was a break-in at the Elected team hotel the night before, but at the moment there doesn’t seem to be any connection to the Delegates, so they still seem poised to rack up some more big victories. But the losing side left with heads held high, led by Cooper in his gold Rolls Royce.
THE FIGHT OR FLIGHT BOWL
“Big Yellow Taxi (Live),” Joni Mitchell, 1974
vs, “Hurricane,” Bob Dylan, 1975
Joni’s jazzy #24 take on her classic about progress trampling the environment takes on Bobby D.’s #33 plea for justice for a wrongly convicted boxer.
Final Score: Hurricane 45, Taxi 7. Dylan’s team came to fight, and they were relentless in their attack. Mitchell’s squad seemed demoralized by the fact that the field had been sprayed with DDT before the game, and some of them were seen leaving the stadium in cabs halfway through the third quarter.
THE I LEARNED THE TRUTH BOWL
“I am Woman,” Helen Reddy, 1972
vs. “At Seventeen,” Janis Ian, 1975
Helen’s #1 feminist anthem meets Janis’ #3 teen angst rumination.
Final Score: Woman 28, Seventeen 10. Helen had her team more than Reddy...er, ready, for a fight. Their opponents got down early, and then seemed to be resigned to defeat. The roar continues.
THE IT’S CRAZY OUT THERE BOWL
“Ball of Confusion (That’s What the World is Today),” The Temptations, 1970
vs. “What the World Needs Now is Love/Abraham, Martin and John,” Tom Clay, 1971
The Temps #3 portrayal of turmoil is matched up with Clay’s #8 message that hope for a more peaceful future lies with the children.
Final Score: World 21, Ball 14. The Temps took a quick lead with their aggressive attack, but there came a point in the third quarter when they decided that there was no point in trying any more. Clay’s team, with their youth and naïveté, still thought there was a chance to win, and they took it. How far can that sort of crazy thinking take them?
THE AMERICAN HISTORY II BOWL
“An American Trilogy,” Mickey Newbury, 1972
vs. “Uneasy Rider,” Charlie Daniels, 1973
Newbury’s #26 medley of historically significant American songs versus Daniels’ #9 hit about a clash of cultures and politics in the South.
Final Score: Rider 38, Trilogy 13. The Daniels team uses some questionable tactics in a dominant victory, but they distracted the refs with accusations of even worse infractions by their opponents, and they managed to get away with their skullduggery. It isn’t the truth that is marching on to the next round.
THE YOUNG MEN DYING NEEDLESSLY BOWL
“Monster,” Steppenwolf, 1970
vs. “The Killing of Georgie,” Rod Stewart, 197
The Canadian band’s highly critical #39 rundown of the lowlights of American history takes on Rod’s #30 depiction of a homophobia-motivated murder.
Final Score: Georgie 26, Monster 23 (OT). There wasn’t much between the two sides, and it took extra time to find a winner, but in the end, Rod just had a little extra kick. But without question, both teams fought the good fight.
THE OPINIONATED OUTSIDER BOWL
“Give Ireland Back to the Irish,” Wings, 1972
vs, “The Americans,” Byron MacGregor, 1974
McCartney’s #21 plea for Britain to let Northern Ireland go meets MacGregor’s #4 defence of Canada’s southern neighbours.
Final Score: Americans 45, Irish 12. Byron’s boys boomed and blustered their way to an easy win over Macca’s relatively tame push to end the Troubles. This team is strong, confident, and play offense and defense at a level few can match. They have to be considered one of the favourites to win it all at this point.
THE SON OF GOD OR GOD IS DEAD BOWL
“Joy,” Apollo 100, 1972
vs, “Also Sprach Zarathustra,” Deodato, 1972
A Brit’s #6 take on Bach faces a Brazilian’s #2 funkification of Strauss.
Final Score: Zarathustra 40, Joy 20. Both teams had similar strategies, but Deodato was working from a stronger playbook. Plus, they were assisted by a HAL 9000 computer. With such powerful technology, it seems like they should be going a long way with no problems.
THE BALLPARK REFRESHMENTS BOWL
“Popcorn,” Hot Butter, 1972
vs. “Beer Barrel Polka,” Bobby Vinton, 1975
A New Yorker’s #9 peek into the future matches up with the Polish Prince’s #33 blast from the past.
Final Score: Popcorn 55, Beer 3. The Hot Butter team were bursting with energy and flying all over the field. Vinton’s squad seemed to still be feeling the effects of celebrating their first win, and when they fell far behind early, they decided to just start celebrating again. Their opponents were gracious enough to supply snacks.
THE TONIGHT WE’RE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT’S 1941 BOWL
“Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy,” Bette Midler, 1973
vs. “Chattanooga Choo Choo,” Tuxedo Junction, 1978
Miss M’s #9 tribute to a swingin’ military musician goes up against a #32 disco version of a Glenn Miller train song.
Final Score: Bugle 24, Choo Choo 8. Bette’s squad had military precision and an inspirational team band. The Tuxedo team were just along for the ride.
THE SUMMER GRASS BOWL
“Summertime Blues,” The Who, 1970
vs. “Dueling Banjos,” Eric Weissberg and Steve Mandell, 1973
The Who’s #27 rip through Eddie Cochran’s rockabilly staple takes on the #2 pick fest made famous in the film Deliverance.
Final Score: Banjos 41, Blues 10. The game was played out in the middle of nowhere, which gave the Banjos a big advantage, and they weren’t shy about taking it. The Who protested the result by writing their Congressman, but he replied that he wasn’t their representative, as they aren’t even American citizens. It’s uncertain if they then tried the House of Lords, but regardless, the result stands.
THE DEMAND OR ASK POLITELY BOWL
“Gimme Dat Ding,” The Pipkins, 1970
vs. “Tusk,” Fleetwood Mac, 1979
A nonsensical #9 request faces a #8 parade of paranoia and, perhaps, pachyderms.
Final Score: Ding 24, Tusk 13. The Pipkins quelled the Mac attack by seemingly forcing turnovers at will. It also didn’t help that the Tusk team held their practices out in the open and even encouraged outsiders to film them, which severely undercut their chances of duplicating their previous success.
THE BUT MAMA, THAT’S WHERE THE FUN IS BOWL
“Blinded by the Light,” Manfred Mann’s Earth Band, 1977
vs. “Saturday Night,” Herman Brood and His Wild Romance, 1979
The British band’s #1 Springsteen cover takes on some #35 Dutch debauchery.
Final Score: Light 3, Night 0 (forfeit). The Earth Band were revved up like...something...to get on the field and run all over their opponents, but the Brood brood did not show. Some have speculated that this was because the game was scheduled on a Saturday evening on which the Wild Romance found better things to do. Sportingly, Coach Mann offered to send a team of teenage diplomats to search for them, but tournament officials opted to declare the contest forfeited.
THE PAZUZU COMES ALIVE BOWL
“Tubular Bells,” Mike Oldfield, 1974
vs. “Do You Feel Like We Do,” Peter Frampton, 1976
A haunting #7 piece that accompanied a demonic possession meets a guitar star’s #10 showcase of vocal distortion.
Final Score: Bells 54, Feel 3. Like others before them, Frampton’s boys partied too hard the night before the game. So any questions of extraordinary interference by the Oldfield squad did not seem to be answered, as there was a perfectly logical explanation for their opponents vomiting and falling down a lot.
THE DOO DAH WHOA WHOA BOWL
“Get Dancin’,” Disco Tex and the Sex-O-Lettes, 1975
vs. “Feelings,” Morris Albert, 1975
A coked-up #10 disco anthem versus a Brazilian lothario’s infamous #6 mushy punchline.
Final Score: Dancin’ 19, Feelings 14. Morris’ men tried to take it slow and methodical, seducing their opponents into surrender. But they were ultimately worn out by Tex’s rapid fire, machine gun approach, leaving them trying to forget the sensation of defeat.
There is much more to come in the second round, but next time, we’re going back to Britain for the holidays. See you then.
Tuesday, December 18, 2018
AOMA: UKT40 December 9, 1972 Part Two
There’s more.
20 - “Leader of the Pack,” The Shirelles
A reissue of the 1964 teen tragedy classic by two pairs of New York sisters: Mary and Betty Weiss and Mary Ann and Marge Ganser. Just be careful riding your motorcycle in the rain. Get the picture?
19 - “Loop di Love,” Shag
An English version of a schlager song recorded under yet another pseudomym by prolific pop creep Jonathan King. It’s about an infatuation that turns out to be a business transaction, if you get my meaning. Not much in the first place, even less as time goes on.
18 - “Help Me Make it Through the Night,” Gladys Knight and the Pips
Gladys and the Pips take Kris Kristofferson’s cry for companionship and make it into a gorgeous soul ballad. Seriously, I would love them recording anything, because they make it beautiful. Give them Slayer and it would surely melt my heart.
17 - “Hi-Ho Silver Lining,” Jeff Beck
A Top Twenty reissue of the guitar legend’s 1967 Top Twenty hit, a sunny psychedelic pop romp. Beck has admitted not being particularly fond of it, likening it to “a pink toilet seat hung around your neck for the rest of your life.” Interesting. I quite enjoy it, though.
16 - “Shotgun Wedding,” Roy C
Another reissue, this is the second Top Ten run for this song by Georgia soul singer Roy Charles Hammond about a country boy forced into marriage by the father of the girl he impregnated. Fun, gutbucket Southern R&B.
15 - “I’m Stone in Love with You,” The Stylistics
The Philly soul outfit’s first Top Ten here was this declaration of all the things he wishes he could do for his beloved, including buy a house on the moon. That hasn’t been proven possible yet, to the presumed disappointment of both these guys and a prepubescent Marge Simpson. Oh well, that’s just proof that anyone can be wrong.
14 - “Clair,” Gilbert O’Sullivan
Ol’ Gil’s first U.K charttopper was this love song to a three-year-old. It’s not as creepy as it sounds, but it is a little sickly sweet. And it coming one U.S. chart placing short of a Triple Crown is also a bit much.
13 - “Stay With Me,” Blue Mink
The fifth hit for this group was this bland come-on. It’s still Barry White compared to “Afternoon Delight.”
12 - “Lay Down,” Strawbs
The first of three hits for these Londoners was this rock tune that’s not about sex, but rather a desire to relax one’s soul inspired by the Bible’s Twenty-Third Psalm. One of the better Christian-tinted pop hits of the period.
11 - “Rock Me Baby,” David Cassidy
The third hit for Keith Partridge was this stab at Stones-style bluesy grit. I can tell he’s trying as hard as he can, but he’s just not that guy. No matter how many risqué magazine covers he poses for.
10 - “Lookin’ Through the Windows,” The Jackson Five
The Gary gang’s first Top Ten here in two years was this step toward a more mature, less bubblegummy sound. Michael’s conviction belies his still-childish voice and conveys the adult emotion. The wave of their initial monster success had created, but they were still developing into a deeper, more interesting group that promised to launch one or more amazing careers.
9 - “Long Haired Lover From Liverpool,” Little Jimmy Osmond
Little Jimmy’s cutesy #1. I found out that in 2000 he recorded a new version. It was boy-band-style dance-rock that incorporates snippets of the original, and yes, he even raps a verse that includes references to previous Osmond hits. I can’t unhear it, so all I can do is warn you away. Catastrophic.
8 - “Solid Gold Easy Action,” T. Rex
The last of their string of eight straight Top 2s was this fast blast of lusty rock. Marc Bolan essentially put his raging libido on record. It’s not something everyone should do, but he could pull it off.
7 - “Ben,” Michael Jackson
Michael sells the power of a love between a boy and a rat. The fact that it was only #7 here and #6 in Canada is shameful. Another contender to receive the Triple Crown that I would like to strip from “Seasons in the Sun.”
6 - “Why,” Donny Osmond
Donny covers Frankie Avalon, gets his third Top Five. Maybe he should have continued in Frankie’s footsteps by making some beach party movies with, I don’t know, who could be his Annette...Tatum O’Neal, maybe? It couldn’t have been worse than Goin’ Coconuts.
5 - “Crocodile Rock,” Elton John
Elton’s first North American #1, held this high here. The innocence and silliness of early rock, encapsulated and dipped in nostalgia. An unintentional template for the 50s revivalism that would soon take hold.
4 - “Angel/What’s Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me)” Rod Stewart
Two Rod covers on one disc. The A is a version of a hopeful Jimi Hendrix track, unfortunately not released until after his death. The B is a cover of a 1968 Jerry Lee Lewis country hit about the destructive power of alcohol. More proof that when given great material, Roddy was money in the bank. Give him “Love Touch,” and oohyagonnagetta, oohyagonnagetta big shit sandwich.
3 - “Gudbuy t’Jane,” Slade
The fifth Top Five for the Wolverhampton wonders was this song about an aloof woman, apparently inspired by seeing a lady demonstrating a “sex machine” on American television. Was it insecurity that caused the farewell? Perhaps, but the world is one catchy rock song richer for it if it was.
2 - “Crazy Horses,” The Osmonds
The Utah nice boys take a stab at being hard rockin’ anti-pollution activist. Nowhere near as embarrassing as it could have been, And while Donny doesn’t sing on it, that horsey sound on the choruses is him on an organ. I’m going to go ahead and say it’s the best thing they ever did.
1 - “My Ding-a-Ling,’ Chuck Berry
The man who defined rock guitar plays a four-minute dick joke for an audience in Coventry, and this gave him a Triple Crown, Not “Johnny B. Goode.” Not “Maybellene.” Not “Sweet Little Sixteen.” This. This. Nothing more to say.
Another one down. Christmas is coming, and my gift to you will be the start of the second round of the Uneasy Rider Tournament. You’re welcome. Be here to open it soon.
20 - “Leader of the Pack,” The Shirelles
A reissue of the 1964 teen tragedy classic by two pairs of New York sisters: Mary and Betty Weiss and Mary Ann and Marge Ganser. Just be careful riding your motorcycle in the rain. Get the picture?
19 - “Loop di Love,” Shag
An English version of a schlager song recorded under yet another pseudomym by prolific pop creep Jonathan King. It’s about an infatuation that turns out to be a business transaction, if you get my meaning. Not much in the first place, even less as time goes on.
18 - “Help Me Make it Through the Night,” Gladys Knight and the Pips
Gladys and the Pips take Kris Kristofferson’s cry for companionship and make it into a gorgeous soul ballad. Seriously, I would love them recording anything, because they make it beautiful. Give them Slayer and it would surely melt my heart.
17 - “Hi-Ho Silver Lining,” Jeff Beck
A Top Twenty reissue of the guitar legend’s 1967 Top Twenty hit, a sunny psychedelic pop romp. Beck has admitted not being particularly fond of it, likening it to “a pink toilet seat hung around your neck for the rest of your life.” Interesting. I quite enjoy it, though.
16 - “Shotgun Wedding,” Roy C
Another reissue, this is the second Top Ten run for this song by Georgia soul singer Roy Charles Hammond about a country boy forced into marriage by the father of the girl he impregnated. Fun, gutbucket Southern R&B.
15 - “I’m Stone in Love with You,” The Stylistics
The Philly soul outfit’s first Top Ten here was this declaration of all the things he wishes he could do for his beloved, including buy a house on the moon. That hasn’t been proven possible yet, to the presumed disappointment of both these guys and a prepubescent Marge Simpson. Oh well, that’s just proof that anyone can be wrong.
14 - “Clair,” Gilbert O’Sullivan
Ol’ Gil’s first U.K charttopper was this love song to a three-year-old. It’s not as creepy as it sounds, but it is a little sickly sweet. And it coming one U.S. chart placing short of a Triple Crown is also a bit much.
13 - “Stay With Me,” Blue Mink
The fifth hit for this group was this bland come-on. It’s still Barry White compared to “Afternoon Delight.”
12 - “Lay Down,” Strawbs
The first of three hits for these Londoners was this rock tune that’s not about sex, but rather a desire to relax one’s soul inspired by the Bible’s Twenty-Third Psalm. One of the better Christian-tinted pop hits of the period.
11 - “Rock Me Baby,” David Cassidy
The third hit for Keith Partridge was this stab at Stones-style bluesy grit. I can tell he’s trying as hard as he can, but he’s just not that guy. No matter how many risqué magazine covers he poses for.
10 - “Lookin’ Through the Windows,” The Jackson Five
The Gary gang’s first Top Ten here in two years was this step toward a more mature, less bubblegummy sound. Michael’s conviction belies his still-childish voice and conveys the adult emotion. The wave of their initial monster success had created, but they were still developing into a deeper, more interesting group that promised to launch one or more amazing careers.
9 - “Long Haired Lover From Liverpool,” Little Jimmy Osmond
Little Jimmy’s cutesy #1. I found out that in 2000 he recorded a new version. It was boy-band-style dance-rock that incorporates snippets of the original, and yes, he even raps a verse that includes references to previous Osmond hits. I can’t unhear it, so all I can do is warn you away. Catastrophic.
8 - “Solid Gold Easy Action,” T. Rex
The last of their string of eight straight Top 2s was this fast blast of lusty rock. Marc Bolan essentially put his raging libido on record. It’s not something everyone should do, but he could pull it off.
7 - “Ben,” Michael Jackson
Michael sells the power of a love between a boy and a rat. The fact that it was only #7 here and #6 in Canada is shameful. Another contender to receive the Triple Crown that I would like to strip from “Seasons in the Sun.”
6 - “Why,” Donny Osmond
Donny covers Frankie Avalon, gets his third Top Five. Maybe he should have continued in Frankie’s footsteps by making some beach party movies with, I don’t know, who could be his Annette...Tatum O’Neal, maybe? It couldn’t have been worse than Goin’ Coconuts.
5 - “Crocodile Rock,” Elton John
Elton’s first North American #1, held this high here. The innocence and silliness of early rock, encapsulated and dipped in nostalgia. An unintentional template for the 50s revivalism that would soon take hold.
4 - “Angel/What’s Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me)” Rod Stewart
Two Rod covers on one disc. The A is a version of a hopeful Jimi Hendrix track, unfortunately not released until after his death. The B is a cover of a 1968 Jerry Lee Lewis country hit about the destructive power of alcohol. More proof that when given great material, Roddy was money in the bank. Give him “Love Touch,” and oohyagonnagetta, oohyagonnagetta big shit sandwich.
3 - “Gudbuy t’Jane,” Slade
The fifth Top Five for the Wolverhampton wonders was this song about an aloof woman, apparently inspired by seeing a lady demonstrating a “sex machine” on American television. Was it insecurity that caused the farewell? Perhaps, but the world is one catchy rock song richer for it if it was.
2 - “Crazy Horses,” The Osmonds
The Utah nice boys take a stab at being hard rockin’ anti-pollution activist. Nowhere near as embarrassing as it could have been, And while Donny doesn’t sing on it, that horsey sound on the choruses is him on an organ. I’m going to go ahead and say it’s the best thing they ever did.
1 - “My Ding-a-Ling,’ Chuck Berry
The man who defined rock guitar plays a four-minute dick joke for an audience in Coventry, and this gave him a Triple Crown, Not “Johnny B. Goode.” Not “Maybellene.” Not “Sweet Little Sixteen.” This. This. Nothing more to say.
Another one down. Christmas is coming, and my gift to you will be the start of the second round of the Uneasy Rider Tournament. You’re welcome. Be here to open it soon.
Friday, December 14, 2018
AOMA: UKT40 December 9, 1972 Part One
December 1972. Britons John Hicks and Rodney Porter win Nobel Prizes in Economics and Medicine, respectively. Places on the pop chart aren’t quite as prestigious, but the battle for them is often much more intense. Here is this week’s list.
40 -“Hi Hi Hi/C Moon,” Wings
Wings’ first Top Five had a loose rocker about sex and drugs and, um, bananas on the A side, and a reggae track that tries to coin a new phrase meaning “cool” (meant to be the opposite of “L7” for square) on the B. The A is Paul getting back to business and playing to a strength, while the flip is a preview of some of his more self-indulgent tripe.
39 - “Donna,” 10cc
The Stockporters debut single was a parody of overly-earnest doo wop that also sounds like the Beatles’ “Oh Darling.” It’s a layered joke that also works as a good straight pop song, which would become their trademark.
38 - “Elected,” Alice Cooper
Alice’s raucous campaign song for a run that hasn’t happened (yet) became his second U.K. Top Five. Of course, this kind of substance-Free populism would never get anyone elected anywhere.
37 - “Baby Don’t Get Hooked on Me,” Mac Davis
The Texan troubadour’s American charttopper was held to #29 here. I guess the Brits were better listeners, because they took his advice to heart,
36 - “In a Broken Dream,” Python Lee Jackson
This Aussie/Brit band wasn’t doing much in 1969 when they gave a singer named Rod Stewart a couple car seat covers to record three songs with them. Three years later, with Stewart now a superstar, it was reissued and became a Top Five. It’s an arty blues-rocker with poignant and creative lyrics. Finally, a song to match the depth of Rod’s voice. Quite possibly his finest moment.
35 - “Here I Go Again,” Archie Bell and the Drells
This Houston soul band are best known at home for their 1968 #1, “Tighten Up,” but their biggest U.K. success didn’t come until they teamed up with Philly soul maestros Gamble and Huff on this sumptuous groove. It drips off of you like water from a refreshing swim.
34 - “You’ll Always be a Friend,” Hot Chocolate
The fourth single from the future funk kings was this pop ballad about wanting to stay close even after a breakup. This doesn’t sound much like what I know of them. It doesn’t sound like much of anything.
33 - “The Jean Genie,” David Bowie
Davey Boy’s biggest hit to this point was this #2 glam grinder with cryptic lyrics about the lowlifes, hipsters, and hangers-on of New York City. Funky, snappy, guaranteed to move you. Distilled essence of Bowie.
32 - “Don’t Do That,” Geordie
The third hit for the Newcastle band was this blues shuffle that is vague in its prohibitions, but is more specific it what it wants you to do, i.e., come to their town and drink some local beer. But Brian Johnson doesn’t unleash the beast voice that he would us in AC/DC on this one.
31 - “Big Six,” Judge Dread
Another spin of the naughty arbiter’s first hit. Little Boy Blue is apparently a token and an unlucky cricketer. Good to know.
30 - “Gettin’ a Drag,” Lynsey de Paul
The Londoner’s second hit is about a woman who dumps a guy because he likes to dress up in her clothes...and looks better than her in them. A reaction to glam fashion? Maybe. But it’s not mean-spirited, and therefore fun.
29 - “Just Out of Reach (Of My Two Empty Arms),” Ken Dodd
Liverpudlian Dodd has a successful career as both a music hall comedian and a country/pop singer. As the latter, he racked up an impressive 18 Top 40s, the penultimate being this weepie that had previously been recorded by, among others, Patsy Cline and Solomon Burke. Old-fashioned, and just okay.
28 - “Little Drummer Boy,” The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards
The third and final hit for the Scottish militarymen was this version of the Christmas Carol about the young man who beats the skins for Jesus. Surprise, it’s heavy on the bagpipes. But I can handle bagpipes.
27 - “Goodbye to Love,” The Carpenters
The duo’s second Top Ten here. Karen sounds appropriately world-weary, there’s a surprise rock guitar solo, and all in all, it’s more pop heaven from the Angel Karen.
26 - “Oh Carol/Breaking Up is Hard to Do/Little Devil,” Neil Sedaka
The Brooklyn rock crooner began his 70s comeback in Britain, and the first stirring was this Top 20 disc featuring three hits from his early run. My order of preference for these songs is in reverse order of their listing.
25 - “Keeper of the Castle,” The Four Tops
The Tops’ first post-Motown hit was this funky call for men to be responsible to and for their families no matter how much the world has pushed them around. Why wouldn’t you listen to Levi Stubbs? His is the voice of soulful authority.
24 - “Mouldy Old Dough,” Lieutenant Pigeon
Our second visit with this odd march-pop semi-instrumental. What would it sound like if a British Revolutionary War regiment stumbled into an Old West saloon? Probably not like this, but I’d like to imagine it would.
23 - “Happy Xmas (War is Over),” John Lennon and Yoko Ono
The original British chart run for John and Yoko’s plea for true peace on Earth. I still wonder if we’ll ever want it bad enough.
22 - “Let’s Dance,” Chris Montez
A Top Ten reissue of Ezekiel Montanez’s 1962 rave-up offer to join him in a twist, a stomp, or perhaps even a mashed potato. Fine, fun proto-garage rock.
21 - “Nights in White Satin,” The Moody Blues
The re-release of their 1967 romantic epic hit #9 here, #2 in the States, and #1 in Canada. Yeah, I think I can support that. It’s the good kind of prog.
In Part Two: more re-released oldies, two ex-band mates chart separately, and America’s two leading pop families battle for control of British Top Ten territory.
40 -“Hi Hi Hi/C Moon,” Wings
Wings’ first Top Five had a loose rocker about sex and drugs and, um, bananas on the A side, and a reggae track that tries to coin a new phrase meaning “cool” (meant to be the opposite of “L7” for square) on the B. The A is Paul getting back to business and playing to a strength, while the flip is a preview of some of his more self-indulgent tripe.
39 - “Donna,” 10cc
The Stockporters debut single was a parody of overly-earnest doo wop that also sounds like the Beatles’ “Oh Darling.” It’s a layered joke that also works as a good straight pop song, which would become their trademark.
38 - “Elected,” Alice Cooper
Alice’s raucous campaign song for a run that hasn’t happened (yet) became his second U.K. Top Five. Of course, this kind of substance-Free populism would never get anyone elected anywhere.
37 - “Baby Don’t Get Hooked on Me,” Mac Davis
The Texan troubadour’s American charttopper was held to #29 here. I guess the Brits were better listeners, because they took his advice to heart,
36 - “In a Broken Dream,” Python Lee Jackson
This Aussie/Brit band wasn’t doing much in 1969 when they gave a singer named Rod Stewart a couple car seat covers to record three songs with them. Three years later, with Stewart now a superstar, it was reissued and became a Top Five. It’s an arty blues-rocker with poignant and creative lyrics. Finally, a song to match the depth of Rod’s voice. Quite possibly his finest moment.
35 - “Here I Go Again,” Archie Bell and the Drells
This Houston soul band are best known at home for their 1968 #1, “Tighten Up,” but their biggest U.K. success didn’t come until they teamed up with Philly soul maestros Gamble and Huff on this sumptuous groove. It drips off of you like water from a refreshing swim.
34 - “You’ll Always be a Friend,” Hot Chocolate
The fourth single from the future funk kings was this pop ballad about wanting to stay close even after a breakup. This doesn’t sound much like what I know of them. It doesn’t sound like much of anything.
33 - “The Jean Genie,” David Bowie
Davey Boy’s biggest hit to this point was this #2 glam grinder with cryptic lyrics about the lowlifes, hipsters, and hangers-on of New York City. Funky, snappy, guaranteed to move you. Distilled essence of Bowie.
32 - “Don’t Do That,” Geordie
The third hit for the Newcastle band was this blues shuffle that is vague in its prohibitions, but is more specific it what it wants you to do, i.e., come to their town and drink some local beer. But Brian Johnson doesn’t unleash the beast voice that he would us in AC/DC on this one.
31 - “Big Six,” Judge Dread
Another spin of the naughty arbiter’s first hit. Little Boy Blue is apparently a token and an unlucky cricketer. Good to know.
30 - “Gettin’ a Drag,” Lynsey de Paul
The Londoner’s second hit is about a woman who dumps a guy because he likes to dress up in her clothes...and looks better than her in them. A reaction to glam fashion? Maybe. But it’s not mean-spirited, and therefore fun.
29 - “Just Out of Reach (Of My Two Empty Arms),” Ken Dodd
Liverpudlian Dodd has a successful career as both a music hall comedian and a country/pop singer. As the latter, he racked up an impressive 18 Top 40s, the penultimate being this weepie that had previously been recorded by, among others, Patsy Cline and Solomon Burke. Old-fashioned, and just okay.
28 - “Little Drummer Boy,” The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards
The third and final hit for the Scottish militarymen was this version of the Christmas Carol about the young man who beats the skins for Jesus. Surprise, it’s heavy on the bagpipes. But I can handle bagpipes.
27 - “Goodbye to Love,” The Carpenters
The duo’s second Top Ten here. Karen sounds appropriately world-weary, there’s a surprise rock guitar solo, and all in all, it’s more pop heaven from the Angel Karen.
26 - “Oh Carol/Breaking Up is Hard to Do/Little Devil,” Neil Sedaka
The Brooklyn rock crooner began his 70s comeback in Britain, and the first stirring was this Top 20 disc featuring three hits from his early run. My order of preference for these songs is in reverse order of their listing.
25 - “Keeper of the Castle,” The Four Tops
The Tops’ first post-Motown hit was this funky call for men to be responsible to and for their families no matter how much the world has pushed them around. Why wouldn’t you listen to Levi Stubbs? His is the voice of soulful authority.
24 - “Mouldy Old Dough,” Lieutenant Pigeon
Our second visit with this odd march-pop semi-instrumental. What would it sound like if a British Revolutionary War regiment stumbled into an Old West saloon? Probably not like this, but I’d like to imagine it would.
23 - “Happy Xmas (War is Over),” John Lennon and Yoko Ono
The original British chart run for John and Yoko’s plea for true peace on Earth. I still wonder if we’ll ever want it bad enough.
22 - “Let’s Dance,” Chris Montez
A Top Ten reissue of Ezekiel Montanez’s 1962 rave-up offer to join him in a twist, a stomp, or perhaps even a mashed potato. Fine, fun proto-garage rock.
21 - “Nights in White Satin,” The Moody Blues
The re-release of their 1967 romantic epic hit #9 here, #2 in the States, and #1 in Canada. Yeah, I think I can support that. It’s the good kind of prog.
In Part Two: more re-released oldies, two ex-band mates chart separately, and America’s two leading pop families battle for control of British Top Ten territory.
Friday, December 7, 2018
...And as Years Go By: Canadian Top 75 November 18, 1978
1978 in Canada. It was the year our national passenger train service, Via Rail, was established. I’ve never been on it. But I’ll keep chugging along and look at a 40-year-old chart, even if I have to stretch to the Top 75 and beyond for material.
Bonus Track: 78 - “Fun Time,” Joe Cocker
The raspy man from Sheffield, England with a version of a snappy number by New Orleans R&B master Allen Toussaint. Joyous music, with interesting turns of phrase like “my mojo wanna disco hand” and “it’s fun time for U.S.All.” Sometimes there is beauty in the lack of clarity.
74 - “Dear Christine,” Klaatu
These Torontonians were once mistaken for a reunited Beatles, and this pop-rocker about a man at sea missing his beloved seems influenced by the Rubber Soul/Revolver period. Not that good, of course, but nice enough.
71 - “Come Runnin’,” Greg Adams
This Toronto singer-songwriter had much of his success co-penning songs for Roger Whittaker (!), but did manage to chart on his own with this MOR love song that sounds like C-grade Boz Scaggs. I’m not intrigued to hear more.
69 - “New York City,” Zwol
Formerly of Toronto band Brutus, Walter Zwolinski got to #57 with his biggest solo hit, this rock love letter to the Big Apple. There’s an interesting recurring synth line, and overall, it’s catchy and enthusiastically performed. A cool little forgotten nugget.
67 - “All I Wanna Do,” Doucette
Another single by Jerry from Montreal. This one is a midtempo ballad, and it sounds a lot like the mushier moments of Jefferson Starship. One is beyond sufficient.
66 - “This is Love,” Paul Anka
The teen heartthrob turned songwriting pro turned AC balladeer had his last 70s hit with some goop about a relationship becoming de-Platonicized. Apparently, that made him feel, “like a mad hatter.” For some reason, this makes me picture Paul Anka on an LSD trip, which amuses me. Remember those times of your life, Paulie!
63 - “Wavelength,” Van Morrison
Van the Man made a brief bid to return to pop radio by embracing synthesizers and drum machines on this song about an unspoken, long-distance communication bond between lovers. Essentially the same idea as Golden Earring’s “Radar Love,” but Van’s soul shines through the technology and kind of crystallizes the idea. Tune in to it.
61 - “Love is in the Air,” Martin Stevens
This is the same song Australian John Paul Young would take to #7 in America, but up here that version had to compete with a similar-sounding version by a Montrealer born Roger Prud’homme. If anything, this one is a little less slick, which gives it an edge on my scorecard. But it’s quite bad in any form.
57 - “Like a Sunday in Salem,” Gene Cotton
The fourth and last of the Columbus, Ohio native’s four Top 40s in America was this earnest rocker about Joe McCarthy’s anti-communist inquisitions that led to many actors, writers and directors to be blacklisted for their “Un-American activities.” It’s urgent, serious, and wonderful. I regret that I didn’t look at it for the Uneasy Rider tournament, because it would have gotten an invite. I feel it would have gotten knocked out in the first round by something, but still, I apologize for ignoring it, and I assure you that it had nothing to do with any political affiliations real or imagined.
53 - “Champagne Jam,” Atlanta Rhythm Section
These Southern rockers were more famous for MOR hits like “Imaginary Lover” and “So Into You,” but they show a more bluesy side on this tune about improvising and drinking bubbly. And there is some nice stuff on the solos at the end, so job done.
51 - “Flying High,” The Commodores
Lionel Richie and the boys turn to their funk side on this track about affection-turned-intoxication. Always nice to hear one of their non-ballads that isn’t “Brick House.”
47 - “Searchin’ for a Thrill,” Starbuck
The final single for the band behind “Moonlight Feels Right” was this rocker about the teenage need for new excitement and the machine that tries to provide it. Beyond that one pop hit there was a quality Southern rock act striving to come out.
42 - “Round Round We Go,” Trooper
The CanRock stalwarts followed up the balls-out rock of “Raise a Little Hell” with a funk-pop number about relationships and mood swings. They were more versatile u I think they get credit for. Perhaps one of the most deserving beneficiaries of CanCon.
40 - “All I See is Your Face,” Dan Hill
The Torontonian’s follow-up to the immortally sappy “Sometimes When We Touch” was this slightly less sappy ballad about missing an ex. Its virtues mostly lie in what it isn’t.
35 - “Everybody Needs Love,” Stephen Bishop
The third hit for the San Diego singer-songwriter best known for “On and On” was this declaration of the universal need for affection. Catchy, professional pop.
25 - “Break it to Them Gently,” Burton Cummings
The second Top Ten for the voice of the Guess Who was this song on which he asks someone to tell his family the news that he’s a wanted fugitive. Apparently that involves something called “rolling,” which must be done with great care, especially when you “roll the old lady,” i.e. his grandmother, because “she’s damn near eighty.” A CanCon staple which I never considered weird then, but I do now.
Let’s open the Top Ten Tickle Trunk
10 - “Beast of Burden,” The Rolling Stones
Just a great Stones grinder. You would have to be blind (or deaf) to see that this is easily rough, tough, and rich enough.
9 - “Kiss You All Over,” Exile
Sexy disco-rock that fell one place short of the Can-Am double, and also went Top a Ten across the pond. Still does its thing.
8 - “Back in the U.S.A.,” Linda Ronstadt
Ironically, this cover of Chuck Berry’s ode to the pleasures of America got eight places higher here than in the States. I wonder how glad that made her.
7 - “Who Are You,” The Who
The future CSI theme was only Top Twenty in the “United” countries, but Top Ten here. Maybe it helped that an early version of it was performed at Maple Leaf Gardens.
6 - “Right Down The Line,” Gerry Rafferty
Not only did we take it upon ourselves to give “Baker Street” the #1 it deserved, we also made its follow-up a Top Five. Clowns to the south of us, jokers to the east.
5 - “Whenever I Call You ‘Friend’,” Kenny Loggins
Kenny’s Stevie Nicks-enhanced first solo hit was a cross-border Top Five. They were indeed doin’ it right.
4 - “MacArthur Park,” Donna Summer
The cover of Richard Harris’ bizarre story of leaving a cake out in the rain topped both North American charts, while Britain held it to #5. Oh nooooooooooooo!
3 - “Reminiscing,” The Little River Band
Well, at least we only put this crapload just as high as the Americans. These guys are the blight on pop that I imagined Three Dog Night was until I learned better.
2 - “Hot Child in the City,” Nick Gilder (CanCon!)
Another cross-border charttopper came from this Vancouverite. This glam rocker was written by Gilder from the point of view of a creepy pursuer of child prostitutes. It gives more depth to a song I always liked. I appreciate that.
And up top up here 40 years ago was...
1 - “You Needed Me,” Anne Murray (CanCon!)
Nova Scotia Annie’s fourth home #1 was also her only one in the States. It only got to #22 in Britain, but Boyzone would take it to the top 21 years later, So they would indeed put it high upon a pedestal, eventually.
Back to Britain next time. Bye, eh.
Bonus Track: 78 - “Fun Time,” Joe Cocker
The raspy man from Sheffield, England with a version of a snappy number by New Orleans R&B master Allen Toussaint. Joyous music, with interesting turns of phrase like “my mojo wanna disco hand” and “it’s fun time for U.S.All.” Sometimes there is beauty in the lack of clarity.
74 - “Dear Christine,” Klaatu
These Torontonians were once mistaken for a reunited Beatles, and this pop-rocker about a man at sea missing his beloved seems influenced by the Rubber Soul/Revolver period. Not that good, of course, but nice enough.
71 - “Come Runnin’,” Greg Adams
This Toronto singer-songwriter had much of his success co-penning songs for Roger Whittaker (!), but did manage to chart on his own with this MOR love song that sounds like C-grade Boz Scaggs. I’m not intrigued to hear more.
69 - “New York City,” Zwol
Formerly of Toronto band Brutus, Walter Zwolinski got to #57 with his biggest solo hit, this rock love letter to the Big Apple. There’s an interesting recurring synth line, and overall, it’s catchy and enthusiastically performed. A cool little forgotten nugget.
67 - “All I Wanna Do,” Doucette
Another single by Jerry from Montreal. This one is a midtempo ballad, and it sounds a lot like the mushier moments of Jefferson Starship. One is beyond sufficient.
66 - “This is Love,” Paul Anka
The teen heartthrob turned songwriting pro turned AC balladeer had his last 70s hit with some goop about a relationship becoming de-Platonicized. Apparently, that made him feel, “like a mad hatter.” For some reason, this makes me picture Paul Anka on an LSD trip, which amuses me. Remember those times of your life, Paulie!
63 - “Wavelength,” Van Morrison
Van the Man made a brief bid to return to pop radio by embracing synthesizers and drum machines on this song about an unspoken, long-distance communication bond between lovers. Essentially the same idea as Golden Earring’s “Radar Love,” but Van’s soul shines through the technology and kind of crystallizes the idea. Tune in to it.
61 - “Love is in the Air,” Martin Stevens
This is the same song Australian John Paul Young would take to #7 in America, but up here that version had to compete with a similar-sounding version by a Montrealer born Roger Prud’homme. If anything, this one is a little less slick, which gives it an edge on my scorecard. But it’s quite bad in any form.
57 - “Like a Sunday in Salem,” Gene Cotton
The fourth and last of the Columbus, Ohio native’s four Top 40s in America was this earnest rocker about Joe McCarthy’s anti-communist inquisitions that led to many actors, writers and directors to be blacklisted for their “Un-American activities.” It’s urgent, serious, and wonderful. I regret that I didn’t look at it for the Uneasy Rider tournament, because it would have gotten an invite. I feel it would have gotten knocked out in the first round by something, but still, I apologize for ignoring it, and I assure you that it had nothing to do with any political affiliations real or imagined.
53 - “Champagne Jam,” Atlanta Rhythm Section
These Southern rockers were more famous for MOR hits like “Imaginary Lover” and “So Into You,” but they show a more bluesy side on this tune about improvising and drinking bubbly. And there is some nice stuff on the solos at the end, so job done.
51 - “Flying High,” The Commodores
Lionel Richie and the boys turn to their funk side on this track about affection-turned-intoxication. Always nice to hear one of their non-ballads that isn’t “Brick House.”
47 - “Searchin’ for a Thrill,” Starbuck
The final single for the band behind “Moonlight Feels Right” was this rocker about the teenage need for new excitement and the machine that tries to provide it. Beyond that one pop hit there was a quality Southern rock act striving to come out.
42 - “Round Round We Go,” Trooper
The CanRock stalwarts followed up the balls-out rock of “Raise a Little Hell” with a funk-pop number about relationships and mood swings. They were more versatile u I think they get credit for. Perhaps one of the most deserving beneficiaries of CanCon.
40 - “All I See is Your Face,” Dan Hill
The Torontonian’s follow-up to the immortally sappy “Sometimes When We Touch” was this slightly less sappy ballad about missing an ex. Its virtues mostly lie in what it isn’t.
35 - “Everybody Needs Love,” Stephen Bishop
The third hit for the San Diego singer-songwriter best known for “On and On” was this declaration of the universal need for affection. Catchy, professional pop.
25 - “Break it to Them Gently,” Burton Cummings
The second Top Ten for the voice of the Guess Who was this song on which he asks someone to tell his family the news that he’s a wanted fugitive. Apparently that involves something called “rolling,” which must be done with great care, especially when you “roll the old lady,” i.e. his grandmother, because “she’s damn near eighty.” A CanCon staple which I never considered weird then, but I do now.
Let’s open the Top Ten Tickle Trunk
10 - “Beast of Burden,” The Rolling Stones
Just a great Stones grinder. You would have to be blind (or deaf) to see that this is easily rough, tough, and rich enough.
9 - “Kiss You All Over,” Exile
Sexy disco-rock that fell one place short of the Can-Am double, and also went Top a Ten across the pond. Still does its thing.
8 - “Back in the U.S.A.,” Linda Ronstadt
Ironically, this cover of Chuck Berry’s ode to the pleasures of America got eight places higher here than in the States. I wonder how glad that made her.
7 - “Who Are You,” The Who
The future CSI theme was only Top Twenty in the “United” countries, but Top Ten here. Maybe it helped that an early version of it was performed at Maple Leaf Gardens.
6 - “Right Down The Line,” Gerry Rafferty
Not only did we take it upon ourselves to give “Baker Street” the #1 it deserved, we also made its follow-up a Top Five. Clowns to the south of us, jokers to the east.
5 - “Whenever I Call You ‘Friend’,” Kenny Loggins
Kenny’s Stevie Nicks-enhanced first solo hit was a cross-border Top Five. They were indeed doin’ it right.
4 - “MacArthur Park,” Donna Summer
The cover of Richard Harris’ bizarre story of leaving a cake out in the rain topped both North American charts, while Britain held it to #5. Oh nooooooooooooo!
3 - “Reminiscing,” The Little River Band
Well, at least we only put this crapload just as high as the Americans. These guys are the blight on pop that I imagined Three Dog Night was until I learned better.
2 - “Hot Child in the City,” Nick Gilder (CanCon!)
Another cross-border charttopper came from this Vancouverite. This glam rocker was written by Gilder from the point of view of a creepy pursuer of child prostitutes. It gives more depth to a song I always liked. I appreciate that.
And up top up here 40 years ago was...
1 - “You Needed Me,” Anne Murray (CanCon!)
Nova Scotia Annie’s fourth home #1 was also her only one in the States. It only got to #22 in Britain, but Boyzone would take it to the top 21 years later, So they would indeed put it high upon a pedestal, eventually.
Back to Britain next time. Bye, eh.
Wednesday, December 5, 2018
An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 November 21, 1987 Part Two
Stage two.
20 - “Sho’ You Right,” Barry White
The legendary loverman returned to the British charts after nine years with this one. The beats are more modern and harder-edged, but the subject is the same, and the Voice is still buttah laced with Spanish Fly. The man was back.
19 - “Mony Mony,” Billy Idol
The live Tommy James cover topped North American charts, but only hit #7 here. I can accept that. The studio version is better.
18 - “Some Guys Have All the Luck,” Maxi Priest
The third charting cover of this 1973 Persuaders track, following Robert Palmer and Rod Stewart. The Londoner adapts it to his gentle pop-reggae style, and it’s okay. He does better later with Cat Stevens’ “Wild World.”
17 - “Dinner With Gershwin,” Donna Summer
The disco queen ended a four-year absence from the charts here with this quirky funk number on which she compares having sex with the object of her affection with other wild fantasies about dining with the composer of “Rhapsody in Blue,” watching artists Rembrandt and Picasso work, being in an airplane cockpit with Amelia Earhart, and having similar experiences with other famous people who were by then sadly dead. One only hopes that the person she wants to “get next to” isn’t.
16 - “Paid in Full,” Eric B. and Rakim
The rap pioneers had their second hit with a version of their debut album’s title track remixes by British duo Coldcut. The added samples of Don Pardo, Humphrey Bogart, Israeli singer Ofra Haza, and others play starring roles, but Rakim’s rhymes take a back seat to no one. Brilliant.
15 - “Little Lies,” Fleetwood Mac
Their first of two Top Fives for the Buckingham/Nicks-enhanced lineup was this okay pop tune about volunteering to be deceived. Part of my case for finding the Christine McVie singles the most boring.
14 - “Criticize,” Alexander O’Neal
The fourth and biggest hit for the Mississippi native was this rebuke to a nitpicking lover. Catchy, plenty of attitude, a distinctive voice. Lots to love.
13 - “Love in the First Degree,” Bananarama
The girl group teamed up with SAW for this fluff about being guilty of affection. My court charges them with mediocrity.
12 - “Faith,” George Michael
So...Britain kept this pop masterpiece from a Triple Crown? It’s enough to make you lose your belief. I just have to pick my heart back off the floor and move on.
11 - “Here I Go Again,” Whitesnake
Coverdale’s boys re-record a song they took to #34 in 1982. They add synths, change the word “hobo” to “drifter,” and get Tawny Kitaen to writhe on a car in the video. Hey presto, it goes Top Ten here and snares the North American Triple Crown jewels. There really is an art to selling out.
10 - “Barcelona,” Freddie Mercury and Montserrat Caballe
So Freddie Mercury, who hasn’t been shy about loving opera (see “Bohemian Rhapsody”), goes on Spanish TV in 1986 and says he’d like to meet and one day work with Caballe, that country’s premier soprano. They meet the next year and get on, leading to Freddie writing a duet for them in celebration of Barcelona’s selection as host of the 1992 Summer Olympics. The result is this over-the-top anthem to the city and love and spectacle. The styles blend seamlessly, as you’d expect Freddie would figure out how to do. It’s glorious, and of course an Uneasy Rider. Viva! And by the way, I still think no one has topped the way Barcelona lit their Olympic torch, with the flaming arrow. I’m still impressed by that.
9 - “So Emotional,” Whitney Houston
Another of Whit’s signature hits. Ain’t it shocking how good it is. Um...no.
8 - “Jack Mix IV,” Mirage
Bristolian producer Nigel Wright cashed in on the popularity of house with a medley/mashup of several hits, including "Axel F." "Jack Your Body" and "Male Stripper." Crassly commercial, but well-constructed.
7 - “You Win Again,” Bee Gees
The Btothers Gibb returned after a nearly eight-year absence from the U.K.charts with a surprise #1 in the form of this booming pop track about romantic persistence. It's got the sheen, the hooks, and that vocal sound that only those three guys can create together. I really think North America dropped the ball by not getting on board with this. It's a late-period masterclass from true greats.
6 - “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life,” Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
The chonically unsexy theme to Dirty Dancing peaked here over here, preventing it from a Triple Crown. Thank you so much, Britain. It's almost enough to make me forgive completing the hat trick for "Seasons in the Sun." Almost.
5 - “My Baby Just Cares for Me,” Nina Simone
North Carolina-born Eunice Waymon first gained fame in the late 50s, and spent the next four decades of her life in a career known as much for her outspoken support of civil rights than her amazing, versatile voice. Her signature song, this bouncy jazz love song about how her man prefers her to theatre, racing cars, famous beauties, and other things, became a Top Five 29 years after its original release after its use in a commercial for Chanel No. 5. It's a classy classic, but only the tip of the iceberg of one of music's most remarkable bodies of work.
4 - “Never Can Say Goodbye,” The Communards
The third and last Top Ten for Jimmy Somerville's second band was this cover of the 1971 Jackson 5 hit. It's very much based on Gloria Gaynor's 1975 version, but the passion Somerville brings makes it more than just a cash-in on existing popularity.
3 - “Whenever You Need Somebody,” Rick Astley
Ricky’s second hit was another bouncy S/A/W love song. Further proof that he would be on the Stock Aitken Waterman Mount Rushmore with Kylie. Dead or Alive, and Bananarama.
2 - “Got My Mind Set on You,” George Harrison
George's comeback was kept out of the top spot in part by the Gibbs, denying it a Triple Crown. At least he already had one, for "My Sweet Lord."
1 - “China in Your Hand,” T’Pau
Although it wasn't nearly as big in the States as debut single "Heart and Soul," the Shropshire band's second hit was their only #1. It's a soaring power ballad inspired by Mary Shelley's creation of the novel Frankenstein. It captures the joy of creation, and the uncertainty of unleashing something the world may not be ready for. It's big and bold, dramatically sung, and sticks in the mind. It truly is a monster, and I mean that in the best possible way.
Next time it’s back to Canada. Join me then
20 - “Sho’ You Right,” Barry White
The legendary loverman returned to the British charts after nine years with this one. The beats are more modern and harder-edged, but the subject is the same, and the Voice is still buttah laced with Spanish Fly. The man was back.
19 - “Mony Mony,” Billy Idol
The live Tommy James cover topped North American charts, but only hit #7 here. I can accept that. The studio version is better.
18 - “Some Guys Have All the Luck,” Maxi Priest
The third charting cover of this 1973 Persuaders track, following Robert Palmer and Rod Stewart. The Londoner adapts it to his gentle pop-reggae style, and it’s okay. He does better later with Cat Stevens’ “Wild World.”
17 - “Dinner With Gershwin,” Donna Summer
The disco queen ended a four-year absence from the charts here with this quirky funk number on which she compares having sex with the object of her affection with other wild fantasies about dining with the composer of “Rhapsody in Blue,” watching artists Rembrandt and Picasso work, being in an airplane cockpit with Amelia Earhart, and having similar experiences with other famous people who were by then sadly dead. One only hopes that the person she wants to “get next to” isn’t.
16 - “Paid in Full,” Eric B. and Rakim
The rap pioneers had their second hit with a version of their debut album’s title track remixes by British duo Coldcut. The added samples of Don Pardo, Humphrey Bogart, Israeli singer Ofra Haza, and others play starring roles, but Rakim’s rhymes take a back seat to no one. Brilliant.
15 - “Little Lies,” Fleetwood Mac
Their first of two Top Fives for the Buckingham/Nicks-enhanced lineup was this okay pop tune about volunteering to be deceived. Part of my case for finding the Christine McVie singles the most boring.
14 - “Criticize,” Alexander O’Neal
The fourth and biggest hit for the Mississippi native was this rebuke to a nitpicking lover. Catchy, plenty of attitude, a distinctive voice. Lots to love.
13 - “Love in the First Degree,” Bananarama
The girl group teamed up with SAW for this fluff about being guilty of affection. My court charges them with mediocrity.
12 - “Faith,” George Michael
So...Britain kept this pop masterpiece from a Triple Crown? It’s enough to make you lose your belief. I just have to pick my heart back off the floor and move on.
11 - “Here I Go Again,” Whitesnake
Coverdale’s boys re-record a song they took to #34 in 1982. They add synths, change the word “hobo” to “drifter,” and get Tawny Kitaen to writhe on a car in the video. Hey presto, it goes Top Ten here and snares the North American Triple Crown jewels. There really is an art to selling out.
10 - “Barcelona,” Freddie Mercury and Montserrat Caballe
So Freddie Mercury, who hasn’t been shy about loving opera (see “Bohemian Rhapsody”), goes on Spanish TV in 1986 and says he’d like to meet and one day work with Caballe, that country’s premier soprano. They meet the next year and get on, leading to Freddie writing a duet for them in celebration of Barcelona’s selection as host of the 1992 Summer Olympics. The result is this over-the-top anthem to the city and love and spectacle. The styles blend seamlessly, as you’d expect Freddie would figure out how to do. It’s glorious, and of course an Uneasy Rider. Viva! And by the way, I still think no one has topped the way Barcelona lit their Olympic torch, with the flaming arrow. I’m still impressed by that.
9 - “So Emotional,” Whitney Houston
Another of Whit’s signature hits. Ain’t it shocking how good it is. Um...no.
8 - “Jack Mix IV,” Mirage
Bristolian producer Nigel Wright cashed in on the popularity of house with a medley/mashup of several hits, including "Axel F." "Jack Your Body" and "Male Stripper." Crassly commercial, but well-constructed.
7 - “You Win Again,” Bee Gees
The Btothers Gibb returned after a nearly eight-year absence from the U.K.charts with a surprise #1 in the form of this booming pop track about romantic persistence. It's got the sheen, the hooks, and that vocal sound that only those three guys can create together. I really think North America dropped the ball by not getting on board with this. It's a late-period masterclass from true greats.
6 - “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life,” Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
The chonically unsexy theme to Dirty Dancing peaked here over here, preventing it from a Triple Crown. Thank you so much, Britain. It's almost enough to make me forgive completing the hat trick for "Seasons in the Sun." Almost.
5 - “My Baby Just Cares for Me,” Nina Simone
North Carolina-born Eunice Waymon first gained fame in the late 50s, and spent the next four decades of her life in a career known as much for her outspoken support of civil rights than her amazing, versatile voice. Her signature song, this bouncy jazz love song about how her man prefers her to theatre, racing cars, famous beauties, and other things, became a Top Five 29 years after its original release after its use in a commercial for Chanel No. 5. It's a classy classic, but only the tip of the iceberg of one of music's most remarkable bodies of work.
4 - “Never Can Say Goodbye,” The Communards
The third and last Top Ten for Jimmy Somerville's second band was this cover of the 1971 Jackson 5 hit. It's very much based on Gloria Gaynor's 1975 version, but the passion Somerville brings makes it more than just a cash-in on existing popularity.
3 - “Whenever You Need Somebody,” Rick Astley
Ricky’s second hit was another bouncy S/A/W love song. Further proof that he would be on the Stock Aitken Waterman Mount Rushmore with Kylie. Dead or Alive, and Bananarama.
2 - “Got My Mind Set on You,” George Harrison
George's comeback was kept out of the top spot in part by the Gibbs, denying it a Triple Crown. At least he already had one, for "My Sweet Lord."
1 - “China in Your Hand,” T’Pau
Although it wasn't nearly as big in the States as debut single "Heart and Soul," the Shropshire band's second hit was their only #1. It's a soaring power ballad inspired by Mary Shelley's creation of the novel Frankenstein. It captures the joy of creation, and the uncertainty of unleashing something the world may not be ready for. It's big and bold, dramatically sung, and sticks in the mind. It truly is a monster, and I mean that in the best possible way.
Next time it’s back to Canada. Join me then
Monday, December 3, 2018
An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 November 21, 1987 Part One
November 1987. Margaret Thatcher’s Conservatives break the 50% mark in national polls. They celebrate their popularity by abolishing free eye tests. There’s a joke in there about how it was in the government’s best interest for the masses not to see clearly, but instead of making it, I’ll just go to the chart.
40 - “Never Gonna Give You Up,” Rick Astley
The man from Lancashire’s S/A/W-crafted, Triple Crown-winning debut single. Long may it roll on.
39 - “So Amazing,” Luther Vandross
The smoothie’s fourth U.K. hit was this sleek bedroom ballad. If honey had a sound, it would be Luther’s voice.
38 - “Full Metal Jacket (I Wanna Be Your Drill Instructor),” Abigail Mead and Nigel Goulding
To promote Stanley Kubrick’s Vietnam War film Full Metal Jacket, his daughter Vivian, who composed the score under the pseudonym Abigail Mead, put together this track, which consists of R. Lee Ermey’s drill chants to his recruits backed by upbeat funk-pop. An odd mix, but it worked well enough to get to #2 here. And it’s an obviously an Uneasy Rider, not unlike the doomed Private Pyle in the movie. And no, I haven’t been able to learn who Nigel Goulding is or what he did on this.
37 - “Pump Up the Volume,” M/A/R/R/S
A collaboration between the groups A.R. Kane and Colourbox, this group only released one single, but all it did was win the two non-U.S. jewels of the Triple Crown, take sampling to a new level, and essentially invent acid house. “One-hit wonder” doesn’t quite do it justice, does it?
36 - “Crazy Crazy Nights,” Kiss
For reasons that I cannot fathom for the life of me, Kiss’ commercial peak in Britain was during their mid-career abandonment of their iconic makeup. Their first of two Top Fives was this boilerplate hair metal track about how no one can tell them not to rock and rock as loud as fuck. They were always a corporation selling product, but this was a point when they didn’t sound like they believed in it.
35 - “The Real Thing,” Jellybean featuring Stephen Dante
The second Brit hit for producer/remixer/Madonna ex John Benitez was this dance track featuring British soul singer Dante. It’s real, but it’s not spectacular.
34 - “Darklands,” The Jesus and Mary Chain
The third hit by the first pair of Scottish Reid brothers we’ll encounter in this entry was this downbeat rocker about misery and nihilism and all that happy stuff. Not as goth sounding as I expected, and that was a pleasant surprise.
33 - “I Want to be Your Property,” Blue Mercedes
The first hit for the London duo of David Titlow and Duncan Millar was this dance-pop devotion declaration on which they claim to “want to live like Cyd Charisse.” A shout-out to a frequent cinematic dance partner of Kelly and Astaire isn’t the only thing about this that reminded me of the Pet Shop Boys. And speaking of which...
32 - “Rent,” Pet Shop Boys
Here they are with their fifth Top Ten, a cold hard look at being the kept lover of a rich person. Few pop acts could be so unblinking. That’s what makes them special.
31 - “I Don’t Need No Doctor,” W.A.S.P.
Formed in Los Angeles by New York native Steven “Blackie Lawless” Duran, these guys gained infamy when one of their songs “Animal (Fuck Like A Beast),” drew the attention of Tipper Gore and the Parents’ Music Resource Center. They sold some records in America, but here they managed eight Top 40 singles, the second being this cover of a 1966 Ray Charles hit about sexual healing. From the sounds of this, they would seem to be like Motley Crüe with a more shocking stage act. And from what I know, that’s pretty accurate.
30 - “Build,” The Housemartins
The penultimate hit for the Hull boys was this folkie number about progress. It reminds me of some of the Jam’s quieter moments, in a very good way.
29 - “The Circus,” Erasure
The dance duo’s fourth hit was this socially conscious track about technology and progress taking away good jobs. Not their typical fare, but it works. And this makes it pretty clear that when Vince Clarke was looking for a new singer, he chose Andy Bell because he sounded a lot like Clarke’s former Yaz-mate Alison Moyet.
28 - “No Memory,” Scarlet Fantastic
The only hit for the duo of Maggie de Monde and Rick P. Jones was this dance-popper about living for the moment in ways that may involve “deserts and fast motorbikes.” It’s very much of its time, but I like it.
27 - “Warm Wet Circles,” Marillion
The tenth hit for the Buckingahmshire band was also the last studio single to feature original vocalist Fish. It’s about things that make the titular shapes, from rings left by glasses on a bar, to kisses, to bullet holes. It’s all very smart and very prog, but it didn’t overwhelm me with pretentiousness.
26 - “To Be Reborn,” Boy George
Mr. O’ Dowd of the Culture Club had his fourth solo hit with this aching ballad about wanting to reunite with an old lover, if only temporarily. Again I say, there was a whole lot of substance behind the Boy’s style.
25 - “Letter From America,” The Proclaimers
Our second pair of Scottish Reid brothers, bespectacled twins Charlie and Craig became best known in America for their 1993 hit “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles).” But before then, they had a Top Five here with a folkie number about, ironically enough, the long history of Scots migrating to North America for better jobs. This is further evidence that they are masters of writing anthemic pub singalongs.
24 - “I Don’t Think That Man Should Sleep Alone,” Ray Parker Jr.
The second and final hit here for the noted Huey Lewis plagiarist was this declaration that human males were not meant to be in bed unaccompanied. Well, it’s a line, but I question its rate of effectiveness. But fair play if it worked for you, Ray.
23 - “I Started Something I Couldn’t Finish,” The Smiths
The Mancunian mopemeisters were near the end of their run when they charted with this admission of guilt of some unclear offence. Morrissey growls in a couple places, which is fun to hear. Ironically, the song does seem to end in a logical place.
22 - “Crockett’s Theme,” Jan Hammer
Two years after his theme to Miam Vice stormed the charts, Czech keyboardist Hammer picked up another hit with this instrumental inspired by Don Johnson’s character. It’s slower and more tuneful, and also hasn’t been burned into my brain, so it has that going for it.
21 - “Walk the Dinosaur,” Was (Not Was)
The biggest hit for this Detroit surrealist soul band was this infectious funk track that melds caveman imagery with modern references (the Statue of Liberty, Elvis, and...Miami Vice again). Is it an attempt to start a new dance craze, or how nuclear proliferation could cause humanity to author its own extinction? Probably both, which makes it so wonderful. Boom, boom, ackalackalacka boom!
In Part Two: Donna noshes with George and/or Ira, we get a royal tour of the capital of Catalonia, and some reptilian déjà vu.
40 - “Never Gonna Give You Up,” Rick Astley
The man from Lancashire’s S/A/W-crafted, Triple Crown-winning debut single. Long may it roll on.
39 - “So Amazing,” Luther Vandross
The smoothie’s fourth U.K. hit was this sleek bedroom ballad. If honey had a sound, it would be Luther’s voice.
38 - “Full Metal Jacket (I Wanna Be Your Drill Instructor),” Abigail Mead and Nigel Goulding
To promote Stanley Kubrick’s Vietnam War film Full Metal Jacket, his daughter Vivian, who composed the score under the pseudonym Abigail Mead, put together this track, which consists of R. Lee Ermey’s drill chants to his recruits backed by upbeat funk-pop. An odd mix, but it worked well enough to get to #2 here. And it’s an obviously an Uneasy Rider, not unlike the doomed Private Pyle in the movie. And no, I haven’t been able to learn who Nigel Goulding is or what he did on this.
37 - “Pump Up the Volume,” M/A/R/R/S
A collaboration between the groups A.R. Kane and Colourbox, this group only released one single, but all it did was win the two non-U.S. jewels of the Triple Crown, take sampling to a new level, and essentially invent acid house. “One-hit wonder” doesn’t quite do it justice, does it?
36 - “Crazy Crazy Nights,” Kiss
For reasons that I cannot fathom for the life of me, Kiss’ commercial peak in Britain was during their mid-career abandonment of their iconic makeup. Their first of two Top Fives was this boilerplate hair metal track about how no one can tell them not to rock and rock as loud as fuck. They were always a corporation selling product, but this was a point when they didn’t sound like they believed in it.
35 - “The Real Thing,” Jellybean featuring Stephen Dante
The second Brit hit for producer/remixer/Madonna ex John Benitez was this dance track featuring British soul singer Dante. It’s real, but it’s not spectacular.
34 - “Darklands,” The Jesus and Mary Chain
The third hit by the first pair of Scottish Reid brothers we’ll encounter in this entry was this downbeat rocker about misery and nihilism and all that happy stuff. Not as goth sounding as I expected, and that was a pleasant surprise.
33 - “I Want to be Your Property,” Blue Mercedes
The first hit for the London duo of David Titlow and Duncan Millar was this dance-pop devotion declaration on which they claim to “want to live like Cyd Charisse.” A shout-out to a frequent cinematic dance partner of Kelly and Astaire isn’t the only thing about this that reminded me of the Pet Shop Boys. And speaking of which...
32 - “Rent,” Pet Shop Boys
Here they are with their fifth Top Ten, a cold hard look at being the kept lover of a rich person. Few pop acts could be so unblinking. That’s what makes them special.
31 - “I Don’t Need No Doctor,” W.A.S.P.
Formed in Los Angeles by New York native Steven “Blackie Lawless” Duran, these guys gained infamy when one of their songs “Animal (Fuck Like A Beast),” drew the attention of Tipper Gore and the Parents’ Music Resource Center. They sold some records in America, but here they managed eight Top 40 singles, the second being this cover of a 1966 Ray Charles hit about sexual healing. From the sounds of this, they would seem to be like Motley Crüe with a more shocking stage act. And from what I know, that’s pretty accurate.
30 - “Build,” The Housemartins
The penultimate hit for the Hull boys was this folkie number about progress. It reminds me of some of the Jam’s quieter moments, in a very good way.
29 - “The Circus,” Erasure
The dance duo’s fourth hit was this socially conscious track about technology and progress taking away good jobs. Not their typical fare, but it works. And this makes it pretty clear that when Vince Clarke was looking for a new singer, he chose Andy Bell because he sounded a lot like Clarke’s former Yaz-mate Alison Moyet.
28 - “No Memory,” Scarlet Fantastic
The only hit for the duo of Maggie de Monde and Rick P. Jones was this dance-popper about living for the moment in ways that may involve “deserts and fast motorbikes.” It’s very much of its time, but I like it.
27 - “Warm Wet Circles,” Marillion
The tenth hit for the Buckingahmshire band was also the last studio single to feature original vocalist Fish. It’s about things that make the titular shapes, from rings left by glasses on a bar, to kisses, to bullet holes. It’s all very smart and very prog, but it didn’t overwhelm me with pretentiousness.
26 - “To Be Reborn,” Boy George
Mr. O’ Dowd of the Culture Club had his fourth solo hit with this aching ballad about wanting to reunite with an old lover, if only temporarily. Again I say, there was a whole lot of substance behind the Boy’s style.
25 - “Letter From America,” The Proclaimers
Our second pair of Scottish Reid brothers, bespectacled twins Charlie and Craig became best known in America for their 1993 hit “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles).” But before then, they had a Top Five here with a folkie number about, ironically enough, the long history of Scots migrating to North America for better jobs. This is further evidence that they are masters of writing anthemic pub singalongs.
24 - “I Don’t Think That Man Should Sleep Alone,” Ray Parker Jr.
The second and final hit here for the noted Huey Lewis plagiarist was this declaration that human males were not meant to be in bed unaccompanied. Well, it’s a line, but I question its rate of effectiveness. But fair play if it worked for you, Ray.
23 - “I Started Something I Couldn’t Finish,” The Smiths
The Mancunian mopemeisters were near the end of their run when they charted with this admission of guilt of some unclear offence. Morrissey growls in a couple places, which is fun to hear. Ironically, the song does seem to end in a logical place.
22 - “Crockett’s Theme,” Jan Hammer
Two years after his theme to Miam Vice stormed the charts, Czech keyboardist Hammer picked up another hit with this instrumental inspired by Don Johnson’s character. It’s slower and more tuneful, and also hasn’t been burned into my brain, so it has that going for it.
21 - “Walk the Dinosaur,” Was (Not Was)
The biggest hit for this Detroit surrealist soul band was this infectious funk track that melds caveman imagery with modern references (the Statue of Liberty, Elvis, and...Miami Vice again). Is it an attempt to start a new dance craze, or how nuclear proliferation could cause humanity to author its own extinction? Probably both, which makes it so wonderful. Boom, boom, ackalackalacka boom!
In Part Two: Donna noshes with George and/or Ira, we get a royal tour of the capital of Catalonia, and some reptilian déjà vu.
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