December 1999. Britain was preparing to celebrate the year 2000 with a millennium eye, a millennium dome, and a millennium stadium. And here’s a millennium chart.
40 - “Genie in a Bottle,” Christina Aguilera
The Pittsburgh-raised pop diva’s Triple Crown-winning first hit. A slinky groove, a teasing lyric, and a superior vocal talent. I appreciate it much more now than I did then.
39 - “The Final Countdown 2000,” Europe
A dance remix of the hair metal classic, made to cash in on millennium mania by the guy who produced Cher’s “Believe.” A complete waste of energy.
38 - “I Learned from the Best,” Whitney Houston
Whit’s 26th Top 40 was this attitude-laden ballad about turning the tables on a serial heartbreaker. Possibly the highlight of the second half of her career. Shockingly, it was a Diane Warren composition produced by David Foster. A surprise winner from a combination I usually can’t stand.
37 - “Turn Your Lights Down Low,” Bob Marley featuring Lauryn Hill
A remix of a track from Marley’s Exodus LP, featuring the former Fugee who was riding high off of the phenomenal success and acclaim of her solo debut. Hill is class, and the production by Marley’s son Stephen is modern yet reverent. A sultry swooner that never seems like a mere gimmick.
36 - “Blue (Da Ba Dee),” Eiffel 65
An Italian dance group’s silly earworm about a blue man living in a blue world was denied a Triple Crown by America, who held it to #6. I’m surprisingly disappointed by that. It walks the line between catchy and annoying, and right now, it’s falling on the former side of the line. But that could be because of the benefit of the passage of time.
35 - “Right Now,” Atomic Kitten
A Liverpool girl group masterminded by OMD’s Andy McCluskey, this trio went Top Ten with their debut single, a danceable sex plea enlivened by some nice wah-wah guitar. Does it mean anything that the band we encountered in my first British sojourn, Atomic Rooster, is synonymous with “radioactive cock,” and this one could be expressed as “radioactive pussy?” Probably not. And I feel dirty for even thinking that.
34 - “Just Wave Hello,” Charlotte Church
This native of Cardiff was just 11 in 1997 when she sang “Pie Jesu” over the phone on a breakfast Tv show, which led to a major record deal and an invitation to sing at the wedding of media mogul Rupert Murdoch. Her second album produced her first hit single, this operatically sung song of hope and friendship created for a Ford ad campaign. It sounds pretty, but it doesn’t do much for me.
33 - “A Christmas Kiss,” Daniel O’Donnell
From Donegal, Ireland, this easy listening stalwart had a string of chart hits in this decade and into the next, including this retro fluff in the vein of past holiday hits by Cliff Richard and Shakin’ Stevens. I’m not big on this kind of thing, but I’m familiar enough to feel that those guys do it better.
32 - “Under Pressure,” Queen and David Bowie
A reissue of the titanic clash of glam and operatics. It remains thrilling, and unblunted by “Ice Ice Baby.” #1 here, #3 in Canada, and in the U.S....29. That’s not OK.
31 - “Baby it’s Cold Outside,” Tom Jones and Cerys Matthews
Deep in his 90s revival, Tommy duets with fellow Wales native Matthews of the band Catatonia on a song that became the talking point of this holiday season. I see both sides of the argument, but in the end, it’s a curio of its time, and while there’s nothing wrong with examining such things with modern eyes, I think in the end if you know the context, it’s harmless. And Jones and Matthews’ brassy rendition evokes mutual playfulness. Better than any of the other versions I heard this year.
30 - “Talking in Your Sleep/Love Me,” Martine McCutcheon
Hackney native McCutcheon has had an acting career highlighted by a role on the soap EastEnders and being Hugh Grant’s love interest in 2003’s holiday perennial Love Actually. In between, she scored five Top Tens, the third being a disc containing covers of late 70s hits by Crystal Gayle and Yvonne Elliman, respectively. Neither makes me forget the original.
29 - “That’s the Way it Is,” Celine Dion
The Québécoise Queen ended her breakout decade with this Max Martin-powered dance-pop anthem about faith and perseverance. A professional effort all around, and I do mean that as a compliment.
28 - “Flying Without Wings,” Westlife
This Irish boy band formed in Sligo as a six-piece, but when Simon Cowell signed them to a record deal, he held true to his reputation by firing half the group for being “too ugly” and replacing them with two better looking dudes. Harsh, but the result was that their first six singles hit #1. The third in this string was this sappy ballad about how euphoric life’s simple pleasures can be. It’s not for me, but I get how it connected with its target audience.
27 - “Big Boys Don’t Cry/Rockin’ Robin,” Lolly
The third Top Ten for Birmingham native Anna Kumble was this double-sider. The A is a ballad of love and support, while the B is a cover of the song first popularized by Bobby Day in 1958 that’s modeled after Michael Jackson’s 1972 version. The B wins because it’s a better song, but neither are essential.
26 - “Will 2K,” Will Smith
The former Fresh Prince samples The Clash and employs Jodeci’s K-Ci Hailey on his attempt to re-brand the year 2000. Well, it’s better than “Wild Wild West,”
25 - “I Shall Be There,” B*Witched
The Irish girls’ penultimate hit was this inspirational ballad featuring contributions from South African vocal group Ladysmith Black Mambazo, best known in the West for their work on Paul Simon’s Graceland LP. They are a welcome addition to what would otherwise be predictable product.
24 - “Keep On Movin’,” Five
The London boys’ first #1 was this jaunty piece of positivity. More Smash Mouth than N’Sync. Refreshingly catchy and fun. And do not take this as an endorsement of Smash Mouth.
23 - “Communication (Somebody Answer the Phone),” Mario Piu
The biggest hit for this Italian DJ was this speedy houser whose lyrical contact consists of a monotone woman saying the subtitular phrase. A hopped-up hurricane of hustle.
22 - “Northern Star,” Melanie C
The deluge of solo Spice Girls had begun, and the early returns had Sporty ahead of the pack, as she was already on her third Top Five with this dance-pop track about inspiration and devotion. She was always seen as the talent anchor behind all the Girl Power flash, and this validates that perception.
21 - “Horny Horns,” Perfect Phase
The biggest hit for this Dutch dance duo was this thumping number. There seems to be a lot of air horn in it, which I do not find appealing. Stuff like this, I imagine, gave even clubgoers who didn’t drink hangovers.
In Part Two: a famous urinator, sentient feces, and yes, that guy was there right until the end.
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