Stage two.
20 - “Sho’ You Right,” Barry White
The legendary loverman returned to the British charts after nine years with this one. The beats are more modern and harder-edged, but the subject is the same, and the Voice is still buttah laced with Spanish Fly. The man was back.
19 - “Mony Mony,” Billy Idol
The live Tommy James cover topped North American charts, but only hit #7 here. I can accept that. The studio version is better.
18 - “Some Guys Have All the Luck,” Maxi Priest
The third charting cover of this 1973 Persuaders track, following Robert Palmer and Rod Stewart. The Londoner adapts it to his gentle pop-reggae style, and it’s okay. He does better later with Cat Stevens’ “Wild World.”
17 - “Dinner With Gershwin,” Donna Summer
The disco queen ended a four-year absence from the charts here with this quirky funk number on which she compares having sex with the object of her affection with other wild fantasies about dining with the composer of “Rhapsody in Blue,” watching artists Rembrandt and Picasso work, being in an airplane cockpit with Amelia Earhart, and having similar experiences with other famous people who were by then sadly dead. One only hopes that the person she wants to “get next to” isn’t.
16 - “Paid in Full,” Eric B. and Rakim
The rap pioneers had their second hit with a version of their debut album’s title track remixes by British duo Coldcut. The added samples of Don Pardo, Humphrey Bogart, Israeli singer Ofra Haza, and others play starring roles, but Rakim’s rhymes take a back seat to no one. Brilliant.
15 - “Little Lies,” Fleetwood Mac
Their first of two Top Fives for the Buckingham/Nicks-enhanced lineup was this okay pop tune about volunteering to be deceived. Part of my case for finding the Christine McVie singles the most boring.
14 - “Criticize,” Alexander O’Neal
The fourth and biggest hit for the Mississippi native was this rebuke to a nitpicking lover. Catchy, plenty of attitude, a distinctive voice. Lots to love.
13 - “Love in the First Degree,” Bananarama
The girl group teamed up with SAW for this fluff about being guilty of affection. My court charges them with mediocrity.
12 - “Faith,” George Michael
So...Britain kept this pop masterpiece from a Triple Crown? It’s enough to make you lose your belief. I just have to pick my heart back off the floor and move on.
11 - “Here I Go Again,” Whitesnake
Coverdale’s boys re-record a song they took to #34 in 1982. They add synths, change the word “hobo” to “drifter,” and get Tawny Kitaen to writhe on a car in the video. Hey presto, it goes Top Ten here and snares the North American Triple Crown jewels. There really is an art to selling out.
10 - “Barcelona,” Freddie Mercury and Montserrat Caballe
So Freddie Mercury, who hasn’t been shy about loving opera (see “Bohemian Rhapsody”), goes on Spanish TV in 1986 and says he’d like to meet and one day work with Caballe, that country’s premier soprano. They meet the next year and get on, leading to Freddie writing a duet for them in celebration of Barcelona’s selection as host of the 1992 Summer Olympics. The result is this over-the-top anthem to the city and love and spectacle. The styles blend seamlessly, as you’d expect Freddie would figure out how to do. It’s glorious, and of course an Uneasy Rider. Viva! And by the way, I still think no one has topped the way Barcelona lit their Olympic torch, with the flaming arrow. I’m still impressed by that.
9 - “So Emotional,” Whitney Houston
Another of Whit’s signature hits. Ain’t it shocking how good it is. Um...no.
8 - “Jack Mix IV,” Mirage
Bristolian producer Nigel Wright cashed in on the popularity of house with a medley/mashup of several hits, including "Axel F." "Jack Your Body" and "Male Stripper." Crassly commercial, but well-constructed.
7 - “You Win Again,” Bee Gees
The Btothers Gibb returned after a nearly eight-year absence from the U.K.charts with a surprise #1 in the form of this booming pop track about romantic persistence. It's got the sheen, the hooks, and that vocal sound that only those three guys can create together. I really think North America dropped the ball by not getting on board with this. It's a late-period masterclass from true greats.
6 - “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life,” Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
The chonically unsexy theme to Dirty Dancing peaked here over here, preventing it from a Triple Crown. Thank you so much, Britain. It's almost enough to make me forgive completing the hat trick for "Seasons in the Sun." Almost.
5 - “My Baby Just Cares for Me,” Nina Simone
North Carolina-born Eunice Waymon first gained fame in the late 50s, and spent the next four decades of her life in a career known as much for her outspoken support of civil rights than her amazing, versatile voice. Her signature song, this bouncy jazz love song about how her man prefers her to theatre, racing cars, famous beauties, and other things, became a Top Five 29 years after its original release after its use in a commercial for Chanel No. 5. It's a classy classic, but only the tip of the iceberg of one of music's most remarkable bodies of work.
4 - “Never Can Say Goodbye,” The Communards
The third and last Top Ten for Jimmy Somerville's second band was this cover of the 1971 Jackson 5 hit. It's very much based on Gloria Gaynor's 1975 version, but the passion Somerville brings makes it more than just a cash-in on existing popularity.
3 - “Whenever You Need Somebody,” Rick Astley
Ricky’s second hit was another bouncy S/A/W love song. Further proof that he would be on the Stock Aitken Waterman Mount Rushmore with Kylie. Dead or Alive, and Bananarama.
2 - “Got My Mind Set on You,” George Harrison
George's comeback was kept out of the top spot in part by the Gibbs, denying it a Triple Crown. At least he already had one, for "My Sweet Lord."
1 - “China in Your Hand,” T’Pau
Although it wasn't nearly as big in the States as debut single "Heart and Soul," the Shropshire band's second hit was their only #1. It's a soaring power ballad inspired by Mary Shelley's creation of the novel Frankenstein. It captures the joy of creation, and the uncertainty of unleashing something the world may not be ready for. It's big and bold, dramatically sung, and sticks in the mind. It truly is a monster, and I mean that in the best possible way.
Next time it’s back to Canada. Join me then
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