So I decided to do something a little different to mix in with the chart coverage. I still enjoy it, but there are moments when it becomes a little routine. And so I give you this: a tournament involving 256 of the most interesting, controversial, odd, and/or funny songs to hit the Top 40 of the Billboard Hot 100 during the 1970s. There are #1s, #40s, and everything in between. There are superstars and one-hit wonders. Some are here because of the lyrics, some because of their sound, and some are here for both. But all of them have been chosen because they are somehow more than just your typical pop song.
So we'll start off with the first 16 of our own whopping 128 first-round matchups. I'm going to give each pairing a name in the style of American college football bowl games, and express the outcomes as scores alongside a tongue-in-cheek description of the "game". You'll get the hang of it as we go along. Here we go.
THE BILLY JACK BOWL
"One Tin Soldier," The Original Caste, 1970
vs. "One Tin Soldier," Coven, 1971
We begin with two versions of a folkie anti-war anthem about a "Valley people" who, without provocation, attack and slaughter the people of a neighboring kingdom to plunder the reported treasures in their mountain. However, the treasure of the mountain is merely a rock inscribed with a message of peace. The first hit version was by a Calgary band that moved to LA for a record deal; it hit #34 in 1970. The second came out a year later as the theme to
Billy Jack, a blockbuster about a Vietnam vet who kicks assume for hippie ideals. It is credited to Coven, a psychedelic band whow mainly wrote about Satanism and witchcraft; however, the only member who performs on the #26 hit was singer Esther "Jinx" Dawson.
Final Score: Coven 35, Original Caste 21. The arrangements on both recordings are pretty much identical, but Coven pulls away late thanks to their occult connections and the greater conviction of Dawson's vocals. You really feel like she wants you to hate your neighbour.
THE ROBERT ZIMMERMAN CAUSE CELEBRE BOWL
"George Jackson," Bob Dylan, 1971
vs. "Hurricane," Bob Dylan, 1975
Dylan had two major protest hits in the 70s. The first was about a man who became a black revolutionary leader while in prison for robbery before being shot to death during an escape attempt. The second was about Rubin "Hurricane" Carter, a middleweight boxer whose imprisonment for a 1966 triple murder Dylan believed was the result of a racially motivated framing. Both, coincidentally, peaked at #33.
Final Score: Hurricane 37, George Jackson 33: Both songs are impassioned defenses of their subjects, delivered with Bob's trademark intensity. But in the end, the story of the Hurricane prevailed by the margin of the number of strings on Scarlet Rivera's incendiary violin.
THE NIXON BOWL
"Campaign '72," The Delegates, 1972
vs, "Energy Crisis '74," Dickie Goodman, 1974
A pair of political "break-in" records: i.e., records consisting of interviews where the answers take the form of snippets of popular songs. The first takes the form of a convention of the major political figures involved in the 1972 presidential election. It was put together by a Pittsburgh DJ named Bob DeCarlo, and it reached #8. The second was by Dickie Goodman, a Brooklyn producer who had been putting out records like this since the 50s. This effort, about the effects of a six-month Arab oil embargo on the U.S., got to #33
Final Score: Convention 72, Energy Crisis 10: This isn't one of Goodman's better efforts, and so it gets blown out by the Delegates, who display more creativity with a variety of interviewers and a fun running joke about Secretary of State Henry Kissinger's quest for female companionship.
THE MAYBE JOHN WAYNE WASN'T ALWAYS THE GOOD GUY BOWL
"Indian Reservation (The Lament of the Cherokee Reservation Indian)," The Raiders, 1971
vs. "Half-Breed," Cher, 1973
A couple of tunes about Native American issues. The first, a #1 smash by the former Paul Revere and the Raiders, was a strident protest against the destruction of Native culture by European colonists. The second, part of what I call Cher's "Wronged Woman Trilogy," was also a #1, and it tells of a woman who grows up with prejudice due to her half-Cherokee heritage.
Final Score: Cher 10, Raiders 9: A defensive struggle. Both straddle the line between sincerity and parody, but Cher goes a little farther trying to make her backing track sound "authentically" Native American, so that gives her the minor upset.
THE GLORIA STEINEM BOWL
"I am Woman," Helen Reddy, 1972
vs. "Only Women Bleed," Alice Cooper, 1975
Two examples of what was then called "women's lib" infiltrating the pop charts. First there's the mother of all feminist anthems, Reddy's groundbreaking #1 empowerment manifesto. Then there's shock rocker Cooper with his sympathetic ode to a victim of domestic abuse, which hit #12
Final Score: Helen 27, Alice 24: It was a close one. Reddy seemingly had an insurmountable home-field advantage, but Alice came with a lot of tricks in his playbook: his female-sounding name, the contrast of his horror-show image and the tenderness with which he treats his subject, and the veiled, controversy-courting menstruation reference that prompted radio DJs to shorten the title to "Only Women." But in the end, the roar of the home crowd was the difference, inspiring Reddy to demonstrate her strength and invincibility by drilling a last-second game-winning field goal. You doubt her ability to go far in this tournament at your peril.
THE DON'T BLAME ME, I VOTED MCGOVERN BOWL
"Elected," Alice Cooper, 1972
vs, "Dialogue (Part I and II)," Chicago, 1972
More politics. First, Alice comes right back with an exaggerated take on political campaigning, styling himself as a candidate for "the Wild Party." It reached #26. Then it's the Windy City jazz rockers with a #24 on which singers Terry Kathy and Peter Cetera play the roles of a politically engaged concerned citizen and an apathetic, self-centred student discussing the issues of the day.
Final Score: Cooper 45, Chicago 3: Alice started in dominating fashion and kept rolling all the way, using his charisma and extravagant boasts and promises to win bigly. It wasn't until the game was over that we found out he didn't really care, but by then it was too late, he was already moving into
the White House the next round.
THE WE'RE NOT SINGERS, BUT WE ARE ON THE RADIO, SO LET'S MAKE RECORDS BOWL
"What the World Needs Now is Love/Abraham, Martin and John," Tom Clay, 1971
vs. "Desiderata," Les Crane, 1971
A couple of curios from 1971. The first, from a veteran Detroit DJ, was a combination of news clips of the lives and deaths of John and Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King, interspersed with versions of hits by Jackie DeShannon and Dion, as well as interviews demonstrating the innocence of children. The second was L.A. broadcaster Crane's accompanied reading of a new-agey self-affirmatiion poem, written in 1927. Both songs hit #8
Final Score: Clay 31, Crane 20: Clay's varied attack proved too much for Crane and his slow, steady approach. But Crane appeared to take the loss in stride, saying after the game, "No doubt, the universe is unfolding as it should."
THE HEY FARMER FARMER, PUT AWAY YOUR DDT BOWL
"Big Yellow Taxi," The Neighborhood, 1970
vs, "Big Yellow Taxi (Live)," Joni Mitchell, 1974
A battle between the two hit versions of Joni's environmental anthem. The first, by an anonymous white bread vocal group, hit #29. Four years later, a live version by the lady herself reached #24.
Final Score: Joni 38, Neighborhood 0: No contest. Mitchell played with passion, while the Neighborhood just seemed happy to be there. Meanwhile, Joni's original studio version stewed in the stands, denied an invitation to compete due to only reaching #67
THE DAMN DIRTY HIPPIES BOWL
"Back When My Hair Was Short," Gunhill Road, 1973
vs. "Uneasy Rider," Charlie Daniels, 1973
A couple songs about the post-60s hippie life. Scraping in at #40, suburban New Yorkers Gunhill Road poppily portrayed the movement as a fun but ultimately meaningless phase between haircuts. North Carolinan Daniels, however, was still flying his freak flag, even in conservative, redneck Mississippi, and he got to #9.
Final Score: Daniels 27, Gunhill 17: The Roadies had a strong first half and were looking to upset the tournament's namesake, but in the second half Charlie started making wild accusations about his opponents' tactics, and by the time the ruse was discovered, he had escaped with an Uneasy victory.
THE NO, WE'RE NOT AMERICA'S MINI-ME AWARD
"Monster," Steppenwolf, 1970
vs. "American Woman," The Guess Who, 1970
Two examples of Canadian bands not being shy about criticizing our southern neighbors. First it's John Kay and company with a litany of American injustices, from witch-burning to the slaughter of Native Americans to the Civil War to Vietnam. It got to #39. Later that year, the crew led by Burton Cummings and Randy Bachman went to #1 with a blast of hard rock decrying the United States' "war machines" and "ghetto scenes."
Final Score: Monster 39, Woman 1: A big time upset. Steppenwolf won by going from the guys who wrote cool songs about motorcycles and magic carpets to laying an undisguised guilt trip on the country where they sold most of their records. The Guess Who tried to be tricky and couch their message in a song that could be about dumping a lady, but it was the wrong approach for this kind of game. The unusual scoreline is attributed to the bitter losers insisting they be awarded a single point for a missed field goal, as they do in Canada.
THE WORLD BE CRAZY BOWL
"Ball of Confusion (That's What the World is Today)," The Temptations, 1970
vs, "Signs," Five Man Electrical Band, 1971
A battle of social commentaries. First, Motown legends the Temps went to #3 with a funky depiction of a world wracked with violence, drugs, prejudice, corruption, and many more evils. Meanwhile, a group from Ottawa would also hit #3 with a rocker about the printed postings of prohibition that we are supposed to obey to maintain a proper society.
Final Score: Ball 21, Signs 19: A close battle between soul concern and hippie anti-establishmentism. It was ultimately decided on the last play. The Electricals had the ball on the Temps' 20 with three seconds remaining, and could have attempted a makeable field goal for the win. But they did not do that, because a scoreboard is a kind of sign, and it's against their nature to do what signs say they should do. So instead, they threw a pass into the end zone, and it was broken up. And the band played on.
THE U.S.A.! U.S.A.! BOWL
"An American Trilogy," Mickey Newbury, 1972
vs. "American City Suite," Cashman and West, 1972
Matching up two songs about, well, America. Country songwriter Newbury had his only hit as a performer when he got to #26 with a medley of the minstrel anthem "Dixie,"the Confederate civil war song "Battle Hymn of the Republic," and the Negro spiritual lullaby "All My Trials." Meanwhile, folkies Terry Cashman and Tommy West went to #27 with a three-movement piece reflecting life how life in America can be by turns idyllic, dangerous and heartbreaking.
Final Score: Trilogy 15, Suite 12 (OT): Another close one, but ultimately, Newbury's tried and true approach prevailed over his opponents' decision to try something brand new. After the game, Cashman was heard talkin' about switching to baseball.
THE TROUBLED YOUTH BOWL
"Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard," Paul Simon, 1972
vs. "At Seventeen," Janis Ian, 1975
Young people with issues are in these songs. First it's Rhymin' Simon with his #22 tale of two juvenile ne'er-do-wells who commit some sort of crime but are absolved with the help of an unorthodox clergyman. Then it's the New Yorker born Janis Fink wh*o had a #3 with a sensitive folk song about the cruelties of life for an unpopular teenage girl.
Final Score: Ian 17, Simon 6: Paul came with a Latin flavor that hadn't been heard much in mainstream pop at the time, but it backs a lot of flashy wordplay that doesn't stick. Janis takes it slow, but she bares her soul and leaves it all out on the field, scoring more than enough to get the win.
THE CIRCLE OF LIFE BOWL
"(You're) Having my Baby," Paul Anka, 1974
vs. "The Killing of Georgie," Rod Stewart, 1977
An admittedly odd matchup. Veteran showman Anka returned to the top of the charts with a somewhat creepy ode to the woman carrying his child. Meanwhile, Rod the Mod got to #30 with the story of a gay man who is ostracized by his family, later finds acceptance in New York, but has his life cut short by a gang of muggers.
Final Score: Stewart 35, Anka 10: Putting out a record with an unabashed homosexual subject was a risk in 1977, but Rod did it anyway, and he gets rewarded here with a big victory. Going the traditional route didn't work for Paul, but you can't argue with the fact that he did it his way.
THE TWO PEOPLE FEATURED IN THAT CASSIUS CLAY KNOCKS OUT THE BEATLES PHOTO BOWL
"Give Ireland Back to the Irish," Wings, 1972
vs. "Black Superman (Muhammad Ali)," Johnny Wakelin and the Kinshasa Band, 1975
This matchup is about controversy. Paul McCartney, more known for pop than politics, got himself banned by the BBC but still made #21 in America by wading into the Troubles with a reaction to the Bloody Sunday killing of demonstrators by British troops in January of that year. Meanwhile, British singer Wakelin and company also hit #21 by singing the praises of the bold, boastful, and polarizing then-Heavyweight Champion of the World, shortly after he had surprised many by regaining his title with a knockout of George Foreman in Zaire.
Final Score: Wings 42, Wakelin 21: Despite having Ali in their corner, the Kinshasa band couldn't overcome the overpowering shock of the "cute Beatle" stepping into the political minefields that his ex-bandmate John Lennon had made a habit of. Wings fly on.
THE HE AIN'T HEAVY, HE'S MY NEIGHBOUR, EVEN THOUGH HE SPELLS NEIGHBOUR WITHOUT THE U BOWL
"The Americans," Byron MacGregor, 1974
vs, "The Americans," Gordon Sinclair, 1974
A battle of two records based on a June 5, 1973 editorial that first aired on Toronto radio station CFRB. The editorial was a rebuke of foreign nations critical of the United States as it struggled financially, ecologically, and politically. A reading of the piece by Windsor broadcaster MacGregor, backed by the Detroit Symphony Orchestra performing "America the Beautiful," became a sensation, reaching #4. In response, Sinclair, the man who had written and delivered the editorial originally, released his own version, set to "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," which made it to #24.
Final Score: Byron 50, Gordon 30: Sinclair drew up the plays, but MacGregor ran them better, delivering the message with all the Ted Baxter/Sam the Eagle self-seriousness he could muster. And as I said once before, the only thing weirder than a hit editorial is a
cover version of that editorial.
This begins our journey. My next post will be another chart, but we will pick up this tournament regularly. I've enjoyed it quite a bit so far, and I hope you do too.
