March of 1986. A time when tabloid newspaper The Sun published a cover story accusing comedian Freddie Starr of eating a hamster during a visit to a friend's house. It wasn't true, shockingly. Just part of the long and storied tradition of credible journalism from Rupert Murdoch's news organizations. I can assure you that now hamsters, gerbils, Guinea pigs, or animals of any kind were harmed in the making of this Top Ten.
40 - "My Magic Man," Rochelle
The only major hit from this New York singer was this funk appreciation of a talented lover. Okay, but it made such little lasting impact that I can't even find her last name.
39 - "Silent Running," Mike + the Mechanics
The Genesis' drummer side project's best moment. Time travelling sci-first synthetic rock. We were all blissfully unaware of the coming horror of "The Living Years."
38 - "Shot in the Dark," Ozzy Osbourne
The Ozzman's third solo hit was this polished bit of pop-metal about a trained mercenary who has gone rogue and is now stalking his former masters. I think that's it. Ozzy's growl-whine is in good shape, the guitar solo shreds, all is well.
37 - "Hi Ho Silver," Jim Diamond
This Scotsman, who was actually born James Aaron Diamond, first found success in 1982 with the band PhD, then scored two solocations hits, the second being this bouncy pop-rocker about heroism that served as the theme tune for a crime series called Boon. He's got an interesting voice, and the song is compelling and catchy. Maybe not perfectly cut, but certainly a gem.
36 - "Broken Wings," Mr. Mister
One of those songs that just screams 80s. Britain lifted it to #4, denying it a Triple Crown. I think 1-1-4 is its perfect chart result.
35 - "Sweetest Girl," Madness
The Nutty Boys' 21st single, this cover of a 1981 Scritti Politti song about love and politics, only peaked here, becoming their lowest-charting single to date. And I get why. It's a bit of a downer.
34 - "(Nothin' Serious) Just Buggin'," Whistle
The only British hit for American rappers Jazzy Jazz and Kool Doobie, along with their DJ Silver Spinner, was this funky goof about, well,,goofing around. There's some good alliteration and some melodic snippets from Edvard Grieg and the Beverly Hillbillies theme, too. Old school fun.
33 - "Life's What You Make It," Talk Talk
Their third hit was this guitar and piano-based pop-rocker about how the individual controls his or her destiny. Just a great song, plain and simple.
32 - "Pull Up to the Bumper," Grace Jones
Born in Jamaica in 1948, Jones left a strict and abusive upbringing to move to New York and later Paris, where she became a highly successful model. In the mid-70s she launched a music career that spawned a lot of dance club hits, and a handful of U.K. pop hits as well, including this reissue of a song first released in 1981. It's superior club funk with lyrics that are ostensibly about offering someone a place to park their "long black limousine," but are certainly open to more exotic interpretations. A unique offering from a unique pop-culture figure.
31 - "Sanctify Yourself," Simple Minds
The Scots' third Top Ten was this big-beaten ode to self-purification. It's a thermic charms are growing on me.
30 - "Phantom of the Opera," Sarah Brightman and Steve Harley
Months before she originated the role of Christine Daae in then-husband Andrew Lloyd Webber's ubiquitous musical, Brightman hit the Top Ten duetting with former Cockney Rebel Harley on the title track. At the time of the recording, Harley had the inside track on the Phantom role, and he was in rehearsals right up until the summer, when he was suddenly replaced by Michael Crawford. Well, at least they gave him £20,000 severance.
29 - "I'm Not Gonna Let You," Colonel Abrams
First of all, yes, that is the name this Detroit native was given on birth. Most of his success at home came on the dance charts, but he picked up two pop hits in Britain, the second being this electro-funk vow to carry on after a breakup. Good for what it is.
28 - "Theme from New York, New York," Frank Sinatra
Frankie's iconic version of the title tune from Martin Scorcese's musical flop didn't hit here until six years after its initial release, but when it did, it made the Top Five. Frank often got his way in the end, but it's not my place to speculate how.
27 - "One Dance Won't Do," Audrey Hall
Jamaican reggae singer Hall had her first of two Brit hits with this spare groover about a woman who flirts with other men to make her boyfriend jealous. The song is cool, even if her actions aren't.
26 - "Hounds of Love," Kate Bush
Kate's eleventh hit was this beat-heavy adventure that compares love to being pursued by dogs, to the point where she wants to "take my shoes off and throw them in the lake" to throw them off her scent. This is arguably at the point where she's at the height of her artistic powers. So good.
25 - "Heaven Must Be Missing an Angel (Irresistible Angel Remix)," Tavares
This 1976 hit by the American disco stars returned to the charts a decade later in a reworking by Dutch DJ Liebrand, who we first encountered fooling with Sting's "Englishman in New York." He had a few other hits like this, and I'm sure we'll run into more. As for this, I wasn't missing it at all.
24 - "If You Were Here Tonight," Alexander O'Neal
The Mississippian's British breakthrough was this midtempo soul ballad about longing. Smooth and cool.
23 - "Walk of Life," Dire Straits
The best Knopfler and Co. ever did on the singles chart was #2, and their second and last such hit was the retro-rocking tale of Johnny busking in the Tube. Sometimes there is just a song in all the trouble and the strife.
22 - "The Sun Always Shines on TV, " A-ha
This is great and all, but how it hit #1 here and "Take On Me" only got to #2 is a puzzler. It's not like they're averse to animated videos.
21 - "Radio Africa," Latin Quarter
Way down the British reggae bench from UB40 were these guys, whose only major hit was this number about how colonialism has led to Africa being regarded as merely a poverty-stricken proxy battleground for the Western superpowers. Strident and sincere, but somehow blunted.
In Part Two: borders, weapons, and flaming organs.
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