Friday, July 26, 2019

AOMA: UKT40 July 13,1985 Part Two

To the last.

20 - "Tomb of Memories," Paul Young
The Luton boy's seventh hit was this synth-soul number about being trapped by your past.  It's all right, but I get why it became his first charting single to miss the Top Ten.

19 - "You'll Never Walk Alone," The Crowd
On May 11 of this year, the Valley Parade stadium, home ground of the Bradford City football club, burned to the ground during a match, killing over 50 people.  Soon afterward, Gerry Marsden of Gerry and the Pacemakers organized a diverse group of singers and celebrities to record a version of the hopeful tune from the musical Carousel that became associated with soccer when Liverpool F.C. adopted the Pacemakers' version as their club anthem.  The song is stirring as always, and while the performance is okay, it matters much less than the cause.  And where else could you find members of Motorhead, 10cc, and the Nolans performing together.

18 - "Turn it Up," The Conway Brothers
Chicago siblings Fredrick, Hiawatha, Huston and James Conway had their only significant success when this disco-funk track just missed the Top Ten here.  It's got a cool, spacey groove to it, and an atmosphere of fun, loose jamming.  You should obey the title.

17 - "Life in One Day," Howard Jones
HoJo's eighth hit was this jaunt about taking life as it comes, stopping and smelling the roses, etc.  It has gotten grating for me as time has gone on.

16 - "N-n-n-nineteen Not Out," The Commentators
This was a parody of the Paul Hardcastle hit from Part One.  In it, Scottish impressionist Rory Bremner imitated British cricket commentators lamenting the dismal performance of the English team who had recently been decimated in a test series by the West Indies.  The nineteen here apparently refers to the captain's average run score.  I don't get a lot of what's being said here, but I know an Uneasy Rider when I hear it.

 15 - "Live is Life," Opus
The Austrians' one international hit.  I don't know how it travelled so well.  I guess people were starving to hear what a Germanic take on reggae would sound like.  I'm not surprised it got to the Top Ten here, but how it made it all the way to #1 in my homeland, I do not understand.

14 - "In Too Deep," Dead or Alive
The fourth hit for Pete Burns and co. was this slower, funkier number about romantic reluctance.  Unlike most of their records, it's not instantly recognizable as a Stock/Aitken/Waterman production, which is a welcome change

13 - "Kayleigh," Marillion
Our second look at the Buckinghamshire prog band's biggest hit.  It remains a fantastically anthemic 80s rock ballad.  And "By the way, didn't I break your heart" is still a great line.

12 - "Head Over Heels," Tears for Fears
This third single from the Bath boys' biggest album only peaked here over here, but went Top Ten in North America.  I'm with my side.  This more restrained pop has aged better than its more bombastic predecessors.

11 - "Suddenly," Billy Ocean
Billy's triple Top Ten slow jam.  It's just so generic.  There's no trace of the 70s Billy I love so much.  It really hurts without him.  But what can I do?

10 - "There Must Be an Angel (Playing with My Heart)," Eurythmics
A joyous celebration of falling in love.  Annie Lennox proves as brilliant at conveying otherworldly bliss as she is at icy cynicism.  And Stevie Wonder plays harmonic.  This was their only home #1 here, and while it still puzzles me that "Sweet Dreams" missed the top, I can't fault the Brits for giving this the summit.

9 - "History," Mai Tai
The second and last Top Ten for this Dutch female trio was this soulful kiss-off.  I'm impressed at how they almost out-Pointer the Pointer Sisters here.

8 - "Johnny Come Home," Fine Young Cannibals
The Birminghammers' debut hit was this fine soul tale of a country boy who goes to the city and gets lost and overwhelmed.  Familiar tale, but the piano line and mournful trumpet sell it.  I still think it's the best thing they did.

7 - "My Toot Toot," Denise LaSalle
Mississippi native LaSalle had a U.S. hit in 1971 with "Trapped by a Thing Called Love," but didn't hit Britain until fourteen years later with this cover of a raunchy novelty song by New Orleans zydeco artist Rockin' Sidney.  The version stays true to the accordion-driven nature of the genre, and it's up to your imagination as to what a "toot toot" is.  Fun fluff that is probably still filling a wedding dance floor somewhere.

6 - "Ben," Marti Webb
London native Webb was a frequent presence on the West End stage from the 60s to the 80s, and in the latter decade she managed three Top 40 singles, including this cover of Michael Jackson's 1972 hit.  But instead of a rat, this version was dedicated to a child named Benjamin Hardwick, who sadly died earlier this year after becoming Britain's youngest liver transplant recipient.  Proceeds from the single went to a foundation set up in Hardwick's name that raised funds for children with liver disease.  An okay version, but as is often the case with charity singles, that's pretty much beside the point.

5 - "Born in the U.S.A./I'm On Fire," Bruce Springsteen
Bruce's second U.K. Top Five came when both his deceptively anthemic tale of a disillusioned Vietnam vet and his brazenly lascivious declaration of sexual longing were placed on opposite sides of one seven-inch disc.  Both are deserved hits, but I have to say that the latter is more clear about what it is, while the former's grandiose arrangement and fist-pumping chorus perhaps went too far in disguising its message.  You can smuggle subversion into a song, but you have to leave an air pocket for it to survive until people find it.

4 - "Cherish," Kool and the Gang
The crappiest moment of their most commercial period.  Sappy, icky, stomach-churningly terrible.  And Canada was the one of the three to give it a #1.  That's a national embarrassment.  Maybe it was learning about this that made Kawhi leave.

3 - "Crazy for You," Madonna
The first of two runs to #2 for Madge's greatest prom ballad.  Britain had two opportunities to complete its Triple Crown, but they balked both times.  I wonder if she knew that before deciding to graze there.

2 - "Axel F.," Harold Faltermeyer
The German's synthpop composition for Beverley Hills Cop got no crown jewels from the three countries we cover, but it did essentially get two silvers an a bronze.  Another version of the song would eventually go to #1, but that involved a chain of events beginning with a Swedish teenager recording himself imitating a motorcycle engine.  Look it up.

1 - "Frankie," Sister Sledge
Though produced, like their disco-era classics, by Chic's Nile Rodgers, the Philly sister act's only #1 here was a completely different proposition.  From its sound to its lyrics about an innocent, youthful crush, it's reminiscent of a 60s girl-group track.  But a mediocre one.  All involved seem better than this material.  I'd chastise you for this, Britain, but I'm from the country that made "Cherish" #1, so I humbly waive judgment at this time.

Okay, so next time we at last return to the tournament.  Get ready for semi-final mayhem, mayhem, mayhem.  See you soon

Wednesday, July 24, 2019

AOMA: UKT40 July 13, 1985 Part One

July 13, 1985.  The date of this chart also happens to be the date of Live Aid, the two famine relief concerts held in London and Philadelphia.  I think I speak for most of the people who watched when I say that the most memorable moment was, without doubt, the beamed-in performance of the Russian band Autograph.  To this day, I frequently hum "Нам нужен мир" in the shower.  Meanwhile, here were the other songs in the British air at the time.

40 - “Genie,” BB&Q Band
Assembled by two European impresarios from musicians from the New York City boroughs of Brooklyn, the Bronx, and Queens, this funk group scored the last of their two hits with this tune offering to serve a lady in the fashion of the Arabian mythological figure known as a “djinn.”  Pretty derivative of the genre at the time.  My wish for an interesting song was not granted.

39 - “Living on Video,” Trans-X
The only hit for this Montreal synthpop act was this futuristic-sounding track with synthetic voice effects and lyrics about computers aiding in our fantasies (like that would ever happen).  It’s expansive, it has a great hook, and it deserved the Top Ten success only Britain gave it.

38 - “All Fall Down,” Five Star
The first of the tunes that were around two months ago.  I’m a little more charmed this time.  I hear a little bit of real funk.

37 - “Love is Just the Great Pretender,” Amimal Nightlife 
The second of two hits for these Brits was this snazzy jazz-popper about romantic artifice.  They come off as a more soulful version of Level 42 here.  I like it.  And if they really wanted to be pretenders, they could have asked their drummer to make a slight adjustment to his name: Paul Waller.

36 - “Loving You,” Feargal Sharkey
The second solo hit for the ex-Undertone was this overwrought synth ballad.  Everything about this annoys me.  It’s like the even shittier cousin of Berlin’s “Take My Breath Away.”

35 - “All Night Holiday,” Russ Abbot
Chester native Russell Roberts took his stage name when he joined the comedy band the Black Abbots in the seventies, then scored a couple solo hits in this decade, the last being this unironic dance track.  Mediocre voice, banal backing track, overall pointlessness.

34 - “Dancin’ in the Key of Life,” Steve Arrington
The Ohioan’s second and final Brit hit was this bit of celebratory funk with a little Christian messaging thrown in, but not in a way that seems forced.  I can only assume he’s dancing to a certain Stevie Wonder album.

33 - “In Your Car,” Cool Notes
Another second and last, this time by British funk-poppers.  Basically, it’s a woman telling a man that she’ll let him take her for a drive, but she’s not interested in “parking.”  Although she seems more open to the possibility by the end of this song.  Maybe both parties involved should take a listen to one Meat Loaf to be fully informed about how this sort of thing can turn out.

32 - “Paisley Park,” Prince
The song that would inspire the name of both his record label and his recording studio. It's a strutting rocker about an idyllic place full of love and acceptance for the lost and lonely.  Effortlessly great, and a reminder of how Wendy and Lisa's backing vocals enhanced so many of his hits.

31 - “19,” Paul Hardcastle
Another visit with the #1 smash that sets documentary clips about the lasting effects of war on Vietnam vets to dance music.  It's still bizarre that this happened.

30 - “King in a Catholic Style,” China Crisis
The Merseysiders' final Top Twenty was this song that I think is trying to make a statement about politics and leaders and such, but I have no idea what.  It's just bouncy pseudo-profundity.  It's easier to sound like you're saying something than actually saying something.

29 - “A View to A Kill,” Duran Duran 
I am still baffled that the U.K. denied this the Triple Crown by one place.  It's a great song, a great Bond theme, a perfect distillation of sex and violence and cool.  I would dance into the fire to this.

28 - “Obsession,” Animotion 
The L.A. band's triple Top Ten synth/dance album is, I've decided, essentially a prequel to the Human League's "Don't You Want Me."  This shows the couple before, laser-focused on capturing each other for the selfish reasons that are later revealed.  They eventually stopped being what the other wanted them to be.  Or maybe I'm full of shit.

27 - “Round and Around,” Jaki Graham
The Birmingham singer's first solo Top Ten was this lite-funk love strut.  Good for what it is, but nothing that reaches beyond that.

26 - “She Sells Sanctuary,” Cult
The breakthrough hit for these Bradford boys was this infectious goth-rocker about looking for safety in a crazy world.  Ian Astbury's enunciation on some of the lines leaves a lot to be desired (he's not actually saying "Gonna head this time, paint my back thigh."), but otherwise, this is one of the great alt-rock party starters of the decade.

25 - “The Shadow of Love,” The Damned
The punks-turned-goths are here with this rockabillysh number that makes romance sound like a curse, but one you should allow in to your life anyway.  A pretty good description, if you ask me.  Solid song.

24 - “The Word Girl,” Scritti Politti
Another look at Green Gartside's biggest home hit, a reggae lark about a complicated relationship. I still don't get how this was bigger here than "Perfect Way."

23 - “Come To Milton Keynes,” The Style Council 
The tenth hit for Paul Weller's second big band was this satirical jab at the dark side of a posh London suburb.  This is what he does well, and there's always room in my ears to hear it.

22 - “Smuggler’s Blues,” Glenn Frey
My favourite song by my least-favourite solo Eagle became his second and final hit here.  He's okay looking at the dark corners of society, because he comes off as convincingly scuzzy.  I believe him as a horrible person.  I have no way of really knowing whether that's true or not, but he convinces me of this more than he does of anything he tries to present in other songs.

21 - “Money’s Too Tight to Mention,” Simply Red
Mick Hucknall's crew's first hit here was this cover of an American soul group's criticism of Ronald Reagan's U.S. economic policies.  That seems odd, but I still dig this.  They became cheesy, but early on, I don't mind these guys, and I will never deny loving "Holding Back the Years."

In Part Two: cricket, a euphemism for...something, and a repurposed rat rhapsody.

Thursday, July 18, 2019

AOMA: UKT40 July 3, 1976 Part Two

Twenty additional.

20 - “Soul City Walk,” Archie Bell and the Drells
The last of three British hits for these Texans was this disco-funk accompaniment to a dance that can be performed solo, but is best done in a line of people.  This is nice, but it’s also sad that their classic 1968 American charttopper, “Tighten Up,” didn’t even chart here.  It probably would have if someone had thought to reissue it during the height of Northern Soul.

19 - “Misty Blue,” Dorothy Moore
The Mississippian’s wonderful cover of a 60s country hit went to #3 in the States, #5 here, and #7 in Canada. 3-5-7.  I call that a “Magnum.”  It won’t blow your head clean off, but it packs a wallop.

18 - “You’re My Everything,” Lee Garrett
Best known for co-writing several songs with Stevie Wonder (most notably “Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I’m Yours”) Garrett managed one hit with this superior disco track about his devotion to his beloved.  More proof that it was possible to adapt to the four-on-the-floor beat and maintain soul authenticity.

17 - “I Love to Boogie,” T. Rex 
Bolan and co.’s last Top 40 was a glam strut featuring suggestively nonsensical lyrics.  Up to the standards of their bigger hits, but their moment was over.  They had enough goodwill to hang around, but they were still of a past too recent to inspire nostalgia.

16 - “The Continental,” Maureen McGovern
The Ohio singer’s U.S. #1 version of the 1972 Best Song Oscar winner “The Morning After” didn’t even chart here.  What did for her, strangely enough, was a cover the very first Best Song Oscar winner, a tune sung by Ginger Rogers in her second film with Fred Astaire, 1934’s The Gay Divorcée.  It’s arranged and sung in the style of that era, and even opens with the sound of a popping champagne cork.  Recreations of numbers from old movie musicals were apparently another of the many strange boomlets I’ve come across while exploring British pop.

15 - “Show Me the Way,” Peter Framptonr
The feather-haired guitar star unleashes the talk box and comes alive on this Triple Top Ten about searching for direction, and possibly, in the last verse, wanting to have sex with someone while their asleep.  Don’t do that last one, Pete, or you may be shown the way to your cell.

14 - “A Little Bit More,” Dr, Hook
More possible rapeyness from the New Jerseyites, as they promise/threaten to continue to “love” someone even after “your body’s had enough of me.”  Consent clearly wasn’t a common consideration in the 70s.

13 - “Jolene,” Dolly Parton
Country’s impact over here continues with the Tennessee songbird’s urgent plea to a local beauty not to steal her man.  If you keep in mind that the woman singing this song has certain, er, assets that might give her a fighting chance to prevent spouse-theft, it’s an even more impressive bit of musical character work.  Certainly her defining moment.

12 - “Forever and Ever/My Friend the Wind,” Demis Roussos
These were the two lead tracks on The Roussos Phemomenon, which would become the only EP to top the singles charts during the 70s.  The first is easy listening love cheese.  The second is more, but it has synthesizers and mentions regions of his native Greece.  Both feature his otherworldly high voice, which just repels me.  He can sing, but not in a way I want to hear.

11 - “Kiss and Say Goodbye,” The Manhattans
One of the greatest breakup songs ever.  The Americans should be proud that they were the only ones among us to give it a #1.  They deserved it, even if they practiced false advertising by being from Jersey City.  That’s not even a borough.

10 - “Silly Love Songs,” Wings
Paul’s response to critics who felt his songs were too sappy was denied the Triple Crown by one place at home.  I’m disappointed.  This is catchy and sharp, and those factory noises at the beginning were a deft satirical touch.  What’s wrong with this? Nothing.

9 - “Combine Harvester,” The Wurzels
The “Scrumpy and Western” creators from the rural West Country went to #1 with this comical plea to a woman to combine their lands and lives, set to the tune of Melanie’s “Brand New Key.”  Entertaining whimsy.

8 - “The Boys are Back in Town,” Thin Lizzy
The Lizz’s signature tune, a gritty guitar shuffle about drinking and lusting and fighting which was eventually appropriated by the Toy Story film franchise.  That hasn’t dulled its illicit thrills or its standing as one of the great guitar records of all time.

7 - “Leader of the Pack,” The Shangri-Las
After stalling at #11 here after it was banned by the BBC during its original 1964 run, the New York girl group’s tragedy about the death of a biker boyfriend reached the Top Ten twice in the 70s, in 1972 and now.  It would not, and could not, be denied.  One of pop’s greatest mini-operas.

6 - “Heart on My Sleeve,” Gallagher and Lyle
Scots’ Benny Gallagher and Graham Lyle first found success in the band McGuinness Flint before going out on their own and picking up two Top Tens this year, the first being this soft-rocker about being emotionally open.  The musical restraint contradicts the lyrical content.  Mediocre mush.

5 - “Tonight’s the Night,” Rod Stewart 
Rodney’s seduction ballad was held this high here, blocking the Triple Crown.  It’s not quite rapey, but I would call it “sweatily squicky.”  It may very well be all right, but there’s a chance that in one way or another, it won’t.

4 - “Let’s Stick Together,” Bryan Ferry
Ferry’s biggest solo hit was this cover of Wilbert Harrison’s 1962 number about trying to keep a marriage intact.  Interestingly, it’s the same tune as Harrison’s more frequently covered “Let’s Work Together, but with different lyrics.  Ferry does his usual very good impression of a soul singer, and even though we know he’s more champagne bucket than gut bucket, it’s a worthy track.

3 - “Young Hearts Run Free,” Candi Staton
The Alabama native’s biggest hit was this disco plea to youth to explore the possibilities of life instead of boxing yourself in early on.  One of the genre’s great early anthems, helped along by Staton’s Gladys Knight-adjacent voice.

2 - “You Just Might See Me Cry,” Our Kid
These Liverpool teens were discovered on the TV show New Faces, then scored a #2 with this chirpy, disposable pop love song.  Then they disappeared from the scene.  They’re like the anti-Hanson.  In an mmmbop they were gone.

1 - “You to Me are Everything,” The Real Thing
The Scouse soulsters’ only charttopper was this respectable love jam in the Barry White mold.  They come off as credible practitioners of the genre, not wannabes following a playbook.  Apparently, flamboyant ukulelean Tiny Tim once covered this.  I’m not sure I want to look that up.

We’re staying in Britain a little longer.  Meet you there.

Tuesday, July 9, 2019

AOMA: UKT40 July 3, 1976 Part One

July 1976.  Britain is in the midst of a record-setting heat wave and drought.  Among other effects, it caused swarms of billions of seven-spotted ladybirds along some of England’s coastlines.  Much smaller swarms of people were buying the following records.

40 - “Fool to Cry,” The Rolling Stones 
Their 20th Top Ten was this ballad about how people are always telling Mick Jagger that his tears are unwise. People are so judgmental.  This song was worth crying for.

39 - “Midnight Train to Georgia,” Gladys Knight and the Pips 
One of the greats scraped into the Top Ten here three years after hitting #1 in the U.S.  They found it late and shortchanged it?  That’s a stunning mistake for a nation where trainspotting is a popular hobby.

38 - “Fernando,” ABBA
The Swedes’ had their third #1 with a song about a Mexican war.  They were so good at making the weirdest subjects sound beautiful.

37 - “Dance the Body Music,” Osibisa
The second and last hit for the London Afrobeat combo was this happy dance track. It sounds like a fun funk-jazz-disco jam session.  It’s one of the few songs I might like better if it were three times longer.

36 - “My Resistance is Low,” Robin Sarstedt
Born with the first name Clive to British civil servants in India, Sarstedt went by his middle name on his on e big hit, a cover of a song written and performed by legendary songwriter Hoagy Carmichael in the 1952 Jane Russell film The Las Vegas Story. I imagine this version, a cheekily delivered jazzy waltz, is pretty faithful to the original.  A charming anachronism.

35 - “The Flasher,” Mistura featuring Lloyd Michels
Can’t find much background about this funk instrumental.  I do know it was big with the Northern Soul crowd, and Mr. Michels is the guy contributing the trumpet solos.  A fine track that I’m glad to have found.

34 - “Me and Baby Brother,” War
This became the California funk group’s second Brit hit two years after it’s first release.  Somehow, this song about drinking “funky wine” charted here and the song they did with the U.K.’s own Eric Burdon about spilling wine didn’t.

33 - “This is It,” Melba Moore
The biggest hit for the Tony-winning New York singer-actress was this Van McCoy disco production.  A decent groove that delicately balances funk and strings, with a showy vocal performance.  More than respectable.

32 - “Shake it Down,” Mud
The Surrey glammers penultimate hit sees them pretty obviously going disco.  The spacey synth lines go down smooth, but there’s still a significant stench of desperation.  They even employ disco whistles.  Transparent trend hopping.

31 - “No Charge,” J.J. Barrie
Canadian singer/songwriter/band manager Barry Authors managed a #1 U.K. smash with a version of the “Mom shames ungrateful brat by reminding her of all she gives him for free” country tune that Melba Montgomery hit with in North America two years earlier. It’s another example of Britain’s intermittent love of the cheesy side of county’s music.

30 - “My Sweet Rosalie,” Brotherhood of Man
These people followed up “Save Your Kisses for Me” by sticking to the gooey-love-song-with-twist-ending formula (Rosalie is a dog!). This time, however, it only got this high.  You keep twisting something, it’s going to break sooner or later.

29 - “Man to Man,” Hot Chocolate 
Errol Brown’s soul-pop crew added to their hit pile with this track about a man talking to his wife’s lover and trying to negotiate which one of them should leave her life.  A different approach, but did either of them think maybe the woman should have some input in this?  I don’t imagine so.  Pop songs can raise interesting sociological questions sometimes.

28 - “Let Your Love Flow,” The Bellamy Brothers 
David and Homer’s country-pop sugar pill got a Top Ten here to go with it’s #1 at home.  Perhaps the best John Denver song John Denver had nothing to do with.

27 - “I Recall a Gypsy Woman,” Don Williams 
More proof of the brief British country boom comes in the form of this hit by the tall Texan, a number about a man remembering when he lost his virginity to a Romany lady.  Williams’ gentle baritone charms and disarms.  He’s an underrated star of the genre.

26 - “It Only Takes a Minute,” 100 Ton and a Feather 
More from Jonathan King, the creep who had a bunch of novelty hits.  This a relatively straight cover of the 1975 Tavares hit, most notable for its violin use.  But again, fuck this guy.

25 - “What a Wonderful World,” Johnny Nash 
The Houston singer’s last hit here was this shuffling cover of the Sam Cooke staple about the limits of one’s education not preventing one from knowing about love.  A pleasant occasion to hear an always worthwhile voice.

24 - “You’re My Best Friend,” Queen
They followed up “Bohemian Rhapsody” with a sweet love song John Deacon wrote to his wife.  And they were just as convincing.  They were special.

23 - “Boston Tea Party,” The Sensational Alex Harvey Band
As the former colonies now known as the United States of America were celebrating 200 years of independence, these Scots were reminding their old colonizer of one of the key events that led to that revolution.  It’s not straight history, but it does refer to George Washington’s wooden teeth and surmises that the title event is the reason most Americans prefer coffee.  A fun glam artifact.

22 - “The Wanderer,” Dion
A reissue of Mr. DiMucci’s 1961 celebration of living an unattached, nomadic lifestyle.  One of the classics of the late period of early rock.  Though I wonder if he eventually settled down with Rosie.  There has to be a reason he had her name tattooed on his chest.

21 - “You are My Love,” Liverpool Express

The Merseysiders’ first and biggest hit was this highly-sung soft rock love song.  It has delusions of grandeur, particularly in the instrumental break, but it’s just a droopy playlist filler.  More like a handcar than an express train.

In Part Two: a biker, a homewrecker, and a piece of farm equipment.

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

AOMA: UKT40 June 21, 1997 Part Two

More chart for you.

20 - “Brazen (Weep),” Skunk Anansie 
This London hard rock band, led by bald, black lead singer Skin (born Deborah Dyer) had their highest-charting hit with this power ballad about anger and betrayal.  It’s the kind of song that would make Evanescence American superstars eight years later, but these people did it first, and I would say better.

19 - ”I Have a Dream/Bellissima,” DJ Quiksilver 
The breakthrough hit for Turkish-German producer Orhan Terzi was this double A.  Both are bouncy, anonymous Eruodance tracks, but the former is distinguishable by its repetitive Martin Luther King sample.  Again, I think I’d have needed to experience rave culture to really get stuff like this.

18 - “You’re Not Alone,” Olive
These London trip-hoppers went to #1 with this atmospheric love song.  It’s nice, but to me, it doesn’t rise to the level of the best of genre leaders Massive Attack and Portishead.

17 - “Amor (C’mon),” Porn Kings
The second hit for these Liverpudlians.  Boom-cha boom-cha beat? Check.  Female vocal sample? Check.  Chattery keyboard notes?  Techno chords? Check and check.  Bleepy-bloop-by-numbers.

16 - “Sunday Shining,” Finley Quaye 
The first hit for this Scottish scion of a musical family was this breezy jazz-reggae tune about fair weather and how he is both a lion and “a hero like Robert de Niro.”  Shiny happy nonsense.

15 - “Midnight in Chelsea,” Jon Bon Jovi
The first single from Jon Bon’s only non-soundtrack solo album was this adult-rocker about observing the late life on the streets of the London neighbourhood.  That may explain why it was a bigger hit on this side of the pond.  It’s a decent enough song that shows the man’s surprising versatility.  Scoff at his overt commercial instincts and his hair, but the man is a genuine talent.

14 - “I Could Not Love You More,” Bee Gees
The Gibbs’ 23rd Top Twenty was this David Foster-produced ballad.  He indulges their tendencies toward big mush, which is unfortunately.  Still, the harmonies are never not nice to listen to.

13 - “Love Rollercoaster,” Red Hot Chili Peppers
The Peppers picked up their second U.K. Top Ten with this enthusiastic run-through of The Ohio Players’ 1975 funk classic, recorded for the soundtrack of the film Beavis and Butt-head Do America.  Inessential yet infectious.

12 - “I’ll Be There For You,” The Rembrandts
Though Friends was just as big, if not bigger, here than it was in the U.S., the jangly theme tune only reached #3 here.  And thanks to record companies in America skewing the Hot 100 in the 90s by being selective in how and when they released radio hits as retail singles, it technically only went to #17 there.  Only Canada made this. #1.  And with the benefit of distance from its ubiquity, I find it just a pleasant, jangly, disposable pop song.  But still, in a just world, the song these guys would be known for is “Just the Way it Is, Baby.”

11 - “I Want You,” Savage Garden
These Aussies are best remembered for horrible ballads, but I will never stop loving their perfectly poppy debut hit.  It may just edge out “She Drives Me Crazy” for best use of that synthesized percussion sound that reminds me of a balloon being popped.  Again, love to my nation for giving it its rightful #1.

10 - “Sun Hits the Sky,” Supergrass 
The fifth Top Ten for the Oxford band was this power-pop about fearlessly taking on the world or something like that.  Is it controversial to say I think these guys were better than Oasis and Blur?  Well, I’m saying it.  So there.

9 - “I’ll Be,” Foxy Brown featuring Jay-Z 
The biggest hit for the New York rapper born Inga Marchand was this okay boast rhyme.  She hold her own pretty well with her more renowned guest, but it’s just average to my very untrained ears.

8 - “Coco Jamboo,” Mr. President
More Eurodance, this time a German act win a track that sounds like Ace of Base with better rapping.  There are worse ways to spend three minutes, I suppose.

7 - “Hard to Say I’m Sorry,” Az Yet
This Philly vocal group had their biggest hit with a doo-woppy version of the 1982 Chicago ballad.  The style change really is an improvement.  Peter Cetera is supposed to be on this, but thankfully I don’t hear his voice.  Maybe he plays piano?

6 - “How High,” The Charlatans
The fourth Top Ten for the West Midlands outfit was this okay rock track that showed their evolution from baggy to Britpop.  They do okay in this style, but there was more than enough of this around.

5 - “Closer Than Close,” Rosie Gaines
This Oakland singer first gained attention for her three-year stint on Prince’s post-Revolution backing band New Power Generation.  After she left in 1992, she continued to work with Prince, and she would score a solo hit with a remix of a track from a 1995 solo album.  It works as a great showcase for her silky voice, which I’d previously only heard on backup on hits like “Cream” and “Diamonds and Pearls.”  I’m glad she got at least a moment in the spotlight.

4 - “Free,” Ultra Naté
The New Jersey singer’s biggest hit was this uplifting dance anthem about living unfettered and unencumbered. The kind of aural adrenaline shot that only the best dance music can provide.

3 - “Time to Say Goodbye,” Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli
The ex Mrs. Lloyd Webber and the blind Tuscan singer first duetted on this version of the Italian song “Con te Partiro” (basically the original native lyrics with the title English phrase shoehorned in) at a boxing match in Germany.  Then they recorded it, and it became a massive smash across Europe.  It’s  an operatic waltz with flowery metaphors that wouldn’t sound as good in English.  But it has a very pop structure, and it manages to hook even my jaded ears.  It’s the kind of accessible highbrow that fuels PBS pledge drives, but I still kind of like it.

2 - “I Wanna Be the Only One,” Eternal featuring BeBe Winans 
The only #1 for the London girl group was this soul-pop love song featuring American gospel singer Winans, who sounds quite a bit like Luther Vandross.  Not much more than okay.

1 - “MmmBop,” Hanson
The U17 Tulsa trio earned a Triple Crown with this jangle-hop earworm about holding on to meaningful relationships.  Again, I will never stop loving it, nonsensical chorus and all.  What’s amazing is that not only are they still an active band with a substantial fan base, but the boys have produced 12 kids among the three of them.  How are they so successful and so fertile? It’s a secret no one knooooooooooows.

Done again.  Back to Britain next.  Toodles.