To the last.
20 - "Tomb of Memories," Paul Young
The Luton boy's seventh hit was this synth-soul number about being trapped by your past. It's all right, but I get why it became his first charting single to miss the Top Ten.
19 - "You'll Never Walk Alone," The Crowd
On May 11 of this year, the Valley Parade stadium, home ground of the Bradford City football club, burned to the ground during a match, killing over 50 people. Soon afterward, Gerry Marsden of Gerry and the Pacemakers organized a diverse group of singers and celebrities to record a version of the hopeful tune from the musical Carousel that became associated with soccer when Liverpool F.C. adopted the Pacemakers' version as their club anthem. The song is stirring as always, and while the performance is okay, it matters much less than the cause. And where else could you find members of Motorhead, 10cc, and the Nolans performing together.
18 - "Turn it Up," The Conway Brothers
Chicago siblings Fredrick, Hiawatha, Huston and James Conway had their only significant success when this disco-funk track just missed the Top Ten here. It's got a cool, spacey groove to it, and an atmosphere of fun, loose jamming. You should obey the title.
17 - "Life in One Day," Howard Jones
HoJo's eighth hit was this jaunt about taking life as it comes, stopping and smelling the roses, etc. It has gotten grating for me as time has gone on.
16 - "N-n-n-nineteen Not Out," The Commentators
This was a parody of the Paul Hardcastle hit from Part One. In it, Scottish impressionist Rory Bremner imitated British cricket commentators lamenting the dismal performance of the English team who had recently been decimated in a test series by the West Indies. The nineteen here apparently refers to the captain's average run score. I don't get a lot of what's being said here, but I know an Uneasy Rider when I hear it.
15 - "Live is Life," Opus
The Austrians' one international hit. I don't know how it travelled so well. I guess people were starving to hear what a Germanic take on reggae would sound like. I'm not surprised it got to the Top Ten here, but how it made it all the way to #1 in my homeland, I do not understand.
14 - "In Too Deep," Dead or Alive
The fourth hit for Pete Burns and co. was this slower, funkier number about romantic reluctance. Unlike most of their records, it's not instantly recognizable as a Stock/Aitken/Waterman production, which is a welcome change
13 - "Kayleigh," Marillion
Our second look at the Buckinghamshire prog band's biggest hit. It remains a fantastically anthemic 80s rock ballad. And "By the way, didn't I break your heart" is still a great line.
12 - "Head Over Heels," Tears for Fears
This third single from the Bath boys' biggest album only peaked here over here, but went Top Ten in North America. I'm with my side. This more restrained pop has aged better than its more bombastic predecessors.
11 - "Suddenly," Billy Ocean
Billy's triple Top Ten slow jam. It's just so generic. There's no trace of the 70s Billy I love so much. It really hurts without him. But what can I do?
10 - "There Must Be an Angel (Playing with My Heart)," Eurythmics
A joyous celebration of falling in love. Annie Lennox proves as brilliant at conveying otherworldly bliss as she is at icy cynicism. And Stevie Wonder plays harmonic. This was their only home #1 here, and while it still puzzles me that "Sweet Dreams" missed the top, I can't fault the Brits for giving this the summit.
9 - "History," Mai Tai
The second and last Top Ten for this Dutch female trio was this soulful kiss-off. I'm impressed at how they almost out-Pointer the Pointer Sisters here.
8 - "Johnny Come Home," Fine Young Cannibals
The Birminghammers' debut hit was this fine soul tale of a country boy who goes to the city and gets lost and overwhelmed. Familiar tale, but the piano line and mournful trumpet sell it. I still think it's the best thing they did.
7 - "My Toot Toot," Denise LaSalle
Mississippi native LaSalle had a U.S. hit in 1971 with "Trapped by a Thing Called Love," but didn't hit Britain until fourteen years later with this cover of a raunchy novelty song by New Orleans zydeco artist Rockin' Sidney. The version stays true to the accordion-driven nature of the genre, and it's up to your imagination as to what a "toot toot" is. Fun fluff that is probably still filling a wedding dance floor somewhere.
6 - "Ben," Marti Webb
London native Webb was a frequent presence on the West End stage from the 60s to the 80s, and in the latter decade she managed three Top 40 singles, including this cover of Michael Jackson's 1972 hit. But instead of a rat, this version was dedicated to a child named Benjamin Hardwick, who sadly died earlier this year after becoming Britain's youngest liver transplant recipient. Proceeds from the single went to a foundation set up in Hardwick's name that raised funds for children with liver disease. An okay version, but as is often the case with charity singles, that's pretty much beside the point.
5 - "Born in the U.S.A./I'm On Fire," Bruce Springsteen
Bruce's second U.K. Top Five came when both his deceptively anthemic tale of a disillusioned Vietnam vet and his brazenly lascivious declaration of sexual longing were placed on opposite sides of one seven-inch disc. Both are deserved hits, but I have to say that the latter is more clear about what it is, while the former's grandiose arrangement and fist-pumping chorus perhaps went too far in disguising its message. You can smuggle subversion into a song, but you have to leave an air pocket for it to survive until people find it.
4 - "Cherish," Kool and the Gang
The crappiest moment of their most commercial period. Sappy, icky, stomach-churningly terrible. And Canada was the one of the three to give it a #1. That's a national embarrassment. Maybe it was learning about this that made Kawhi leave.
3 - "Crazy for You," Madonna
The first of two runs to #2 for Madge's greatest prom ballad. Britain had two opportunities to complete its Triple Crown, but they balked both times. I wonder if she knew that before deciding to graze there.
2 - "Axel F.," Harold Faltermeyer
The German's synthpop composition for Beverley Hills Cop got no crown jewels from the three countries we cover, but it did essentially get two silvers an a bronze. Another version of the song would eventually go to #1, but that involved a chain of events beginning with a Swedish teenager recording himself imitating a motorcycle engine. Look it up.
1 - "Frankie," Sister Sledge
Though produced, like their disco-era classics, by Chic's Nile Rodgers, the Philly sister act's only #1 here was a completely different proposition. From its sound to its lyrics about an innocent, youthful crush, it's reminiscent of a 60s girl-group track. But a mediocre one. All involved seem better than this material. I'd chastise you for this, Britain, but I'm from the country that made "Cherish" #1, so I humbly waive judgment at this time.
Okay, so next time we at last return to the tournament. Get ready for semi-final mayhem, mayhem, mayhem. See you soon
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