And in conclusion...
20 - "9 to 5 (Morning Train)," Sheena Easton
The Scotswoman's ode to waiting for her man to come home for work missed the Triple Crown...because of Britain. Yes, it only made it to #3 here. There is no indication whatsoever that she would go on to be one of Prince's muses in this.
19 - "Computer Game," Yellow Magic Orchestra
The Eastern front of the electronic music revolution was led by this Tokyo group, who scored their only major pop hit with this instrumental that evokes the 8-bit soundtracks of video games of the time. It's funky, yet otherworldly. An essential milestone in pop history, and a wonderful Uneasy Rider.
18 - "Oops Upside Your Head," The Gap Band
The first hit here for the Oklahoma funk combo was this George Clinton-inspired groove which contains a couple of Judge Dredd-style nursery rhyme reworkings. The full version is eight-and-a-half-minutes of nonsensical, euphoric madness. Everyone needs to experience it at least once.
17 - "A Lover's Holiday," Change
This Italian disco act picked up the first of their two hits with this dance track that stands out most to me for it's references to "Pitch Black City" and "Alaska Town." Otherwise, it's just an okay attempt to ape Chic.
16 - "Love Will Tear Us Apart," Joy Division
Three months after the suicide of singer Ian Curtis, this Manchester band scored it's first hit with this now-iconic goth-rock portrait of a crumbling relationship. Few songs have captured pain and desperation and hopelessness this completely. The rest of the band would do a lot of great things as New Order, but they never topped this. Then again, few have.
15 - "Lip Up Fatty," Bad Manners
The second hit for the London ska band was this song on which Buster Bloodvessel seems to make fun of his own corpulence. It's bouncy and tuneful, like ska should be. It's not a genre that I can listen to all the time, but when I'm in the mood, it gives me an all-over smile.
14 - "My Way of Thinking," UB40
The second hit for the Birminghammers was this reggae come-on. A nice pop song, with some good saxophone. Mediocre for their early days, but way better than the stuff they did when they just stopped trying to do anything but have humongous hits.
13 - "Let's Hang On," Darts
The last hit for the Brighton doo-wop revivalists was this cover of a 1965 Four Seasons hit. There's some jarring fuzz guitar on it, but otherwise, it's another pointless remake.
12 - "Emotional Rescue," The Rolling Stones
Their first 80s hit was this slinky funk-disco tune on which Mick unleashes his falsetto to a degree he never had before. It works very well, as does his drawn-out Lothario rap at the end. Both the U's made this a Top Ten, but Canada took it all the way. We desevedly swept it up and on to the back of our fine Arab charrr-jerrrrr.
11 - "Wednesday Week," The Undertones
The penultimate hit for possibly my second favourite thing to come out of Derry was this excellent pop song about a fleeting teenage romance. It tells a story, captures a feeling, and engages your tune receptors all at once. It's songs like this that keep people in love with music when they are feeling like it can't speak to them anymore.
10 - "Cupid/I've Loved You for a Long Time," The Detroit Spinners
The soul vets (so labeled here to distinguish them from a British folk outfit) had their second and last hit following the "60s classic paired with Michael Zager original" formula. In this case, the former was Sam Cooke's 1961 hit request for romantic assistance from a mythic baby-god. Overall, I have it behind its predecessor "Workin' My Way Back to You/Forgive Me Girl."
9 - "The Winner Takes it All," ABBA
The Swedes' entered the charts at this height with their eventual eighth #1. a heart-wrenching portrait of the effects of half the group's divorce. It's a great pop song, but if you listen to the lyrics, you might recoil from the brutal emotional honesty. There's a case to be made that they should have broken up the moment they finished recording this. It was what it was all leading up to.
8 - "Jump to the Beat," Stacy Lattisaw
This Washington, D.C. native was only 13 when she had her only Brit hit with this disco-funk plea to allow her to help someone dance their blues away. Her voice is clearly childlike, but it works in the same way that Little Eva's did on the original "Loco-Motion." A worthy hit.
7 - "There There My Dear," Dexy's Midnight Runners
The Brummie band's second Top Ten is this horn-heavy number on which Kevin Rowland seems to be dictating a letter to someone named Robin and dismissing him as a shallow poser. Apparently, this was addressed to the entire music industry. But you'd have to look up the lyrics, because as usual, they're hard to decipher in Rowland's loopy wail. It still somehow makes for a good song, though.
6 - "Could You Be Loved," Bob Marley and the Wailers
The reggae legend's second and last Top Five during Bob's lifetime was this wobbly wonder about staying true to oneself. How could it not be loved?
5 - "Babooshka," Kate Bush
Mad Kate of Kent had her second Top Five with this tale of a wife trying to test her husband's fidelity by posing as another woman. Of course, he loves this new version of her, as he reminds him of his wife before the weight of the world got to her. There's no coda to indicate how this ended for them, and despite my love of closure, I'm okay with that, because it's Kate, and she should always leave you hanging. She's a painter, not a novelist.
4 - "Xanadu," Olivia Newton John and Electric Light Orchestra
The theme to ONJ's roller disco myth movie went Top Ten in North America, but here it gave ELO their only #1. It's meaningless flash that works great as a pop song, but becomes tedious in a film. There's a reason cocaine has fueled more great records than great motion pictures.
3 - "Upside Down," Diana Ross
Miss Ross' collaboration with Nile Rogers scored an "Up to Lexington" by going to #1 in America, #2 here, and #5 in Canada. Respectfully I say to thee, this seems justified.
2 - "More Than I Can Say," Leo Sayer
The man the folks at Chart Music call "The Old Sailor" had his fourth and final #2 with this country-pop cover of a song originated in 1960 by the post-Buddy Holly Crickets. I can express exactly how much I love this: not much at all. I sort of like it, though.
1 - "Use it Up and Wear it Out," Odyssey
The second Brit hit, and only charttopper, for these New Yorkers was this samba-flavoured disco track about vigorous dancing. I was surprised at how limp it was. It's not as flat as "Love is in the Air," but the fact that it even brought that song to mind should tell you it's somewhat funk-challenged. Nothing will be used up or worn out to this.
Next, it's the OMUSURT final. Will it be a song about miners, or a song for minors? Find out soon.
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