Early August 1980. The date of this chart was also the last day of the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow, in which Great Britain, unlike the United States and Canada, participated. Two days before this, runner Sebastian Coe avenged his 800 metre loss to rival countryman Steve Ovett by taking the gold in the 1500 metres. Let's look at the finishing order of the then-current chart race.
40 - "Funkytown," Lipps Inc.
The Minnesota act's electrodisco classic was denied a Triple Crown by one place on this chart. That seems wrong. This is simultaneously cheesy and groundbreaking. Disco wasn't dead yet.
39 - "My Guy/My Girl," Amii Stewart and Johnny Bristol
The "Knock on Wood" and "Hang on In There Baby" combine for a medley of possessive Motown hits originated by Mary Wells and The Temptations respectively. Overproduced to the point of cacophony. These two deserved a better setting.
38 - "Brazilian Love Affair," George Duke
This California singer scored his only hit here with this jazz-funk ode to the women of Rio, Sao Paulo, Brasilia, and all points in between. A breezy evocation of beaches, bikinis, and bliss. Too funky to be doctor's office music.
37 - "To Be on Not to Be," B.A. Robertson
The Glaswegian's third and final Top Ten was this pop-rocker that weaves in Shakespeare references ("Who cares if Hammy made it with his Ma?") and unsexy period come-ons ("Undo my doublet, baby."). A bad attempt to ape the cleverness of Elvis Costello or Nick Lowe. And when he gave up on weak approximations of wit, he gave the world "The Living Years." Blecch.
36 - "Burning Car," John Foxx
This Lancashireman was the lead singer on Ultravox's last three albums, then went solo and released three singles this year that all peaked in the thirties. The last of these was this futurist synth-popper with staccato vocals and inscrutable lyrics. It's a lot like what Gary Numan was doing at the time, but without the songcraft. It makes me picture Mike Myers' Dieter character doing herky-jerky dance moves, but it doesn't work for me in any other context.
35 - "747 (Strangers in the Night)," Saxon
This Barnsley band were among the leading lights of the New Wave of British Heavy Metal, and they scored their second hit with this song that was inspired by a November 1965 incident where a Scandinavian Airlines flight into New York was forced to stay airborne until it almost ran out of fuel due to a power outage at the airport. A catchy, condensed "terror in the sky" thriller.
34 - "Sleepwalk," Ultravox
John Foxx's old band is here with their first hit. It's also synthpop, but much more poppy, which makes the nightmare-describing lyrics go down smoother. They were clearly set to thrive in their new incarnation.
33 - "Sanctuary," New Musik
More synthiness, this time in the form of these Londoners' third and final hit. It's a song about the search for safety. It's okay, but I'm distracted by the way the singer pronounces the title, as if that second "a" isn't there.
32 - "Burnin' Hot," Jermaine Jackson
The #2 man on the Jackson depth chart scored his second hit here with this tepid disco track. There are even whistles. If I had the advice of a then-recent smash by his brother, I would have stopped this after five seconds, because that was sufficient.
31 - "Private Life," Grace Jones
The first hit for the Jamaican model/actress/singer was this sultry cover of a track from the Pretenders' debut LP. I like the original a lot, but the way Grace bitterly speak-sings the verses captures the vibe of the song better. She should have been a much bigger pop star than she was.
30 - "Oh Yeah," Roxy Music
The slicksters' sixth Top Five was this reggae-flavoured ballad about lost love. The soundtrack for the most sophisticated broken hearts. For some reason, I'd like to hear a really good, authentic country cover of this. I think it would work.
29 - "My Girl," The Whispers
The second hit hear for the L.A. soul outfit was this disco version of one half of the Stewart/Bristol medley we covered above. Really, really inessential.
28 - "Does She Have a Friend," Gene Chandler
The Chicagoan best known for "Duke of Earl" had four hits at home between 1962 and 1971, but didn't dent the U.K. charts until going disco. His second and final hit here was this plea to a friend to ask his lady for romantic recommendations. It's cool midtempo soul, and also reminds me a bit of late 70s Bee Gees. A more-than-respectable late-career effort.
27 - "Are You Getting Enough Happiness," Hot Chocolate
The nineteentth hit for the Britfunk vets was this tune about not getting enough...well, they say "happiness," but I think they mean something more specific. No idea what though. A middling effort for these guys.
26 - "Neon Knights," Black Sabbath
The metal pioneers' first hit with Ronnie James Dio was this hard charger about dragons and jackals and "bloodied angels." Not much sense is made, but it sounds good when the guitars and Dio's voice are wailing. A 4 on the Headbangometer.
25 - "Waterfalls," Paul McCartney
Macca's second hit of the 80s was this ballad about not wanting his lover to leave. Why he thinks she would chase polar bears, I don't know. But it's Paul at his heartfelt best. I'd been missing out on this one.
24 - "Funkin' for Jamaica (N.Y.)," Tom Browne
This trumpeter had his one big hit with this funky ode to the Queens neighbourhood in which he grew up. There's some terrific female singing overtop, but the groove is what made it a hit. It could make stone statues shake some booty.
23 - "Mariana," The Gibson Brothers
The fourth and final hit for these Martinique-born Parisians was this disco track distinguished by singer Chris' shouty vocals. It's charming enough that it's English grammatical error "All I can do is dreaming of you" is more than forgiven
22 - "Give Me the Night," George Benson
The Pittsburgh guitarist's smooth invitation to an evening of frivolity was Top 10 in the U's, but didn't even make the Top 20 in Canada. I apologize, Mr. Benson. We missed out.
21 - "Me Myself I," Joan Armatrading
The St. Kitts-born Brummie scored her second hit with this reggae-rock number about how she wants to live a full, exciting life without forming emotional attachments to anyone. I'm not sure that would be a fulfilling existence, but it's a wonderful song that again makes me sad that she wasn't a bigger star.
In Part Two: technological amusement, self-deprecation, and an environmentally unwise instruction
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