The back end.
20 - "Human Racing," Nik Kershaw
The fourth hit for the Bristol popmeister was this semi-ballad about how life is a cutthroat competition or some such thing. The main thing I got from this is that his voice here reminds me of Stevie Wonder. Not a discovery I ever expected to make.
19 - "Hammer to Fall," Queen
Their 25th Top 40 was this bracing rocker that seems to be about the fear of an escalation of the Cold War, possibly including nuclear attack. This year seemed to be a high point of that anxiety. Maybe it was uncertainty caused by the high turnover rate for Russian premiers at the time. Anyway, we survived, and this song still makes me want to punch the air, so all that gear was clearly worth it.
18 - "Dr. Beat," Miami Sound Machine
Before they broke through in their homeland, the Florida group fronted by Gloria Estefan went Top Ten across the pond with this request for medical assistance with the problem of continuous dancing. How a physician who seems to specialize in providing of the basic elements of dance music was supposed to cure this alleged ailment, I cannot fathom. But as this was the band's first English-language single, they probably didn't spend much time pondering that paradox. And this was catchy enough that no one else did either,
17 - "East of Eden," Big Country
These Scots had their fifth hit with this song about searching for meaning and inspiration. They were clearly entrenched in the same "we rock more meaningfully than the rest of you dummies" camp that U2 has kept their tent firmly pitched in all these years. If there's a hook in it, it's fine, but if their isn't, like on this, you're just sitting and waiting for them to finish.
16 - "Agadoo," Black Lace
These Brits, who got their first break when they were picked to represent the U.K. at Eurovision in 1979, had their biggest hit with this silly dance tune about learning a dance from a Hawaiian hula girl that involves pushing pineapples and grinding coffee. I'd say this song has no reason to exist, but I can't, because it was the inspiration for Spitting Image's "The Chicken Song." So thank you, you "two wet gits."
15 - "Drive," The Cars
The Boston band's only Triple Top Ten was this ballad about dealing with a friend or lover's self-destructive behaviour. It may not bear much resemblance to their early stuff, but that does not make it any less of a transcendent pop song, and the moment that I will remember the late Benjamin Orr most for.
14 - "Big in Japan," Alphaville
Although now best remembered for their anthemic ballad "Forever Young," this German group had their biggest British chart success with this synthpopper that compares an addiction to heroin to being a rock band ignored at home but famous in Tokyo. I don't quite get it, but it's got a bouncy magic to it, and it's performed with conviction. This should have been big everywhere.
13 - "Apollo 9," Adam Ant
Stuart Goddard's fifth solo hit was this exuberant nonsense about going to space after a breakup. It doesn't say anything, but it created a crazily joyful noise.
12 - "A Letter to You," Shakin' Stevens
The shaky one's twelfth Top Ten was this about mailing rainbows, flowers, hugs, and even the moon in one envelope to a loved one. One of his sillier slices of fake rockabilly, but there's a charm in it's over-the-topness.
11 - "Careless Whisper," George Michael
The Triple Crown-winning guilt ballad credited at home to just George but to Wham! featuring George in North America, which appeared on a Wham! album and was written by George and Andrew but Andrew isn't on the record. Such a convoluted provenance for a strbaightforward pop record. It sounds like it was crafted to be a #1, but not in a bad way.
10 - "Love Kills," Freddie Mercury
In spite of what Bohemian Rhapsody may have told you, Freddie's first solo single was in the charts right alongside his band. This is propulsive synth-disco, produced and written with Giorgio Moroder, about how love isn't always what we think it should be. Freddie could definitely thrive in this arena, but not as many people wanted to go there with him as he'd hoped at the time.
9 - "If it Happens Again," UB40
The Birmingham reggae outfit's seventh Top Ten was this song on which they lament the re-election of Margaret Thatcher and threaten their own Brexit if she won the next time. Yes, she did, and yes, they stayed. But this is still a powerful track, and proof that they didn't completely lose their way right after "Red Red Wine."
8 - "Purple Rain," Prince
It amazes me that the most epic power ballad ever didn't even get a single jewel of the Triple Crown. #2 in America, #3 in Canada, and #6 here. Baffling. Maybe if his original idea of doing it as a country duet with Stevie Nicks had come off...No. This is the form it was meant to take, and we were all fools not to reach out for something new.
7 - "Blue Jean," David Bowie
Davey Boy the Songsmith went Triple Top Ten with this R&B-rocker about a police-bike-riding, camouflage-faced lady. A decent attempt to continue with the Let's Dance sound, but Nile Rogers is much missed.
6 - "Why," Bronski Beat
The second Top Ten for Jimmy Somerville's groundbreaking crew was this unapologetic disco-rocker that questions why homosexuality causes such visceral and violent reactions in those who don't understand or approve of it. The repetition of the phrase "you and me together, fighting for our love" couldn't help but become a rallying anthem. This was a band that finally said explicitly what the disco and dance music before it only declared in code.
5 - "Lost in Music," Sister Sledge
This remix of the sisters' 1979 #17 got 13 places higher than the original. The differences aren't radical, which is fine, because it was pretty great in the first place. More proof that Nile Rodgers was the last genius of the disco era.
4 - "Pride (In the Name of Love)," U2
Their American breakthrough was their first Top Five here. It had that sheen of self-seriousness, but the anger still came through. They would find that balance harder to maintain as time went on,
3 - "The War Song," Culture Club
This lead single from their third album was so hotly anticipated that it debuted all the way up here, but it would only go up one more place. It's easily their biggest misfire. This was an attempt to do the same thing Edwin Starr did on "War," but it sounded naive and petulant rather than righteous and strident. Frankie Goes to Hollywood had the better idea of just covering the original around this time.
2 - "Ghostbusters," Ray Parker Jr.
Britain denied the theme for the spectre-chasing adventures of Venkman, Stantz, Spengler and Zeddemore a Triple Crown. Then Huey Lewis denied him an undisclosed amount of money for ripping off "I Want a New Drug." Ray should have been afraid after all.
1 - "I Just Called to Say I Love You," Stevie Wonder
No, it doesn't seem right that this sapstorm was Stevie's only Triple Crown winner (and only U.K.#1!). But going back over it, I have to say that it's perfectly made to be what it was: a catchy, upbeat pop love song for a silly comedy. He could, and did, do much more, but I can't fault him for filling an order. Even if you can paint masterpieces, if they ask for dogs playing poker, it's okay to give them dogs playing poker.
Next we return to the 80s tournament of the riders of the uneasy variety. Come back, if you'd like, to watch the madness.
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