December 1999. Britain was preparing to celebrate the year 2000 with a millennium eye, a millennium dome, and a millennium stadium. And here’s a millennium chart.
40 - “Genie in a Bottle,” Christina Aguilera
The Pittsburgh-raised pop diva’s Triple Crown-winning first hit. A slinky groove, a teasing lyric, and a superior vocal talent. I appreciate it much more now than I did then.
39 - “The Final Countdown 2000,” Europe
A dance remix of the hair metal classic, made to cash in on millennium mania by the guy who produced Cher’s “Believe.” A complete waste of energy.
38 - “I Learned from the Best,” Whitney Houston
Whit’s 26th Top 40 was this attitude-laden ballad about turning the tables on a serial heartbreaker. Possibly the highlight of the second half of her career. Shockingly, it was a Diane Warren composition produced by David Foster. A surprise winner from a combination I usually can’t stand.
37 - “Turn Your Lights Down Low,” Bob Marley featuring Lauryn Hill
A remix of a track from Marley’s Exodus LP, featuring the former Fugee who was riding high off of the phenomenal success and acclaim of her solo debut. Hill is class, and the production by Marley’s son Stephen is modern yet reverent. A sultry swooner that never seems like a mere gimmick.
36 - “Blue (Da Ba Dee),” Eiffel 65
An Italian dance group’s silly earworm about a blue man living in a blue world was denied a Triple Crown by America, who held it to #6. I’m surprisingly disappointed by that. It walks the line between catchy and annoying, and right now, it’s falling on the former side of the line. But that could be because of the benefit of the passage of time.
35 - “Right Now,” Atomic Kitten
A Liverpool girl group masterminded by OMD’s Andy McCluskey, this trio went Top Ten with their debut single, a danceable sex plea enlivened by some nice wah-wah guitar. Does it mean anything that the band we encountered in my first British sojourn, Atomic Rooster, is synonymous with “radioactive cock,” and this one could be expressed as “radioactive pussy?” Probably not. And I feel dirty for even thinking that.
34 - “Just Wave Hello,” Charlotte Church
This native of Cardiff was just 11 in 1997 when she sang “Pie Jesu” over the phone on a breakfast Tv show, which led to a major record deal and an invitation to sing at the wedding of media mogul Rupert Murdoch. Her second album produced her first hit single, this operatically sung song of hope and friendship created for a Ford ad campaign. It sounds pretty, but it doesn’t do much for me.
33 - “A Christmas Kiss,” Daniel O’Donnell
From Donegal, Ireland, this easy listening stalwart had a string of chart hits in this decade and into the next, including this retro fluff in the vein of past holiday hits by Cliff Richard and Shakin’ Stevens. I’m not big on this kind of thing, but I’m familiar enough to feel that those guys do it better.
32 - “Under Pressure,” Queen and David Bowie
A reissue of the titanic clash of glam and operatics. It remains thrilling, and unblunted by “Ice Ice Baby.” #1 here, #3 in Canada, and in the U.S....29. That’s not OK.
31 - “Baby it’s Cold Outside,” Tom Jones and Cerys Matthews
Deep in his 90s revival, Tommy duets with fellow Wales native Matthews of the band Catatonia on a song that became the talking point of this holiday season. I see both sides of the argument, but in the end, it’s a curio of its time, and while there’s nothing wrong with examining such things with modern eyes, I think in the end if you know the context, it’s harmless. And Jones and Matthews’ brassy rendition evokes mutual playfulness. Better than any of the other versions I heard this year.
30 - “Talking in Your Sleep/Love Me,” Martine McCutcheon
Hackney native McCutcheon has had an acting career highlighted by a role on the soap EastEnders and being Hugh Grant’s love interest in 2003’s holiday perennial Love Actually. In between, she scored five Top Tens, the third being a disc containing covers of late 70s hits by Crystal Gayle and Yvonne Elliman, respectively. Neither makes me forget the original.
29 - “That’s the Way it Is,” Celine Dion
The Québécoise Queen ended her breakout decade with this Max Martin-powered dance-pop anthem about faith and perseverance. A professional effort all around, and I do mean that as a compliment.
28 - “Flying Without Wings,” Westlife
This Irish boy band formed in Sligo as a six-piece, but when Simon Cowell signed them to a record deal, he held true to his reputation by firing half the group for being “too ugly” and replacing them with two better looking dudes. Harsh, but the result was that their first six singles hit #1. The third in this string was this sappy ballad about how euphoric life’s simple pleasures can be. It’s not for me, but I get how it connected with its target audience.
27 - “Big Boys Don’t Cry/Rockin’ Robin,” Lolly
The third Top Ten for Birmingham native Anna Kumble was this double-sider. The A is a ballad of love and support, while the B is a cover of the song first popularized by Bobby Day in 1958 that’s modeled after Michael Jackson’s 1972 version. The B wins because it’s a better song, but neither are essential.
26 - “Will 2K,” Will Smith
The former Fresh Prince samples The Clash and employs Jodeci’s K-Ci Hailey on his attempt to re-brand the year 2000. Well, it’s better than “Wild Wild West,”
25 - “I Shall Be There,” B*Witched
The Irish girls’ penultimate hit was this inspirational ballad featuring contributions from South African vocal group Ladysmith Black Mambazo, best known in the West for their work on Paul Simon’s Graceland LP. They are a welcome addition to what would otherwise be predictable product.
24 - “Keep On Movin’,” Five
The London boys’ first #1 was this jaunty piece of positivity. More Smash Mouth than N’Sync. Refreshingly catchy and fun. And do not take this as an endorsement of Smash Mouth.
23 - “Communication (Somebody Answer the Phone),” Mario Piu
The biggest hit for this Italian DJ was this speedy houser whose lyrical contact consists of a monotone woman saying the subtitular phrase. A hopped-up hurricane of hustle.
22 - “Northern Star,” Melanie C
The deluge of solo Spice Girls had begun, and the early returns had Sporty ahead of the pack, as she was already on her third Top Five with this dance-pop track about inspiration and devotion. She was always seen as the talent anchor behind all the Girl Power flash, and this validates that perception.
21 - “Horny Horns,” Perfect Phase
The biggest hit for this Dutch dance duo was this thumping number. There seems to be a lot of air horn in it, which I do not find appealing. Stuff like this, I imagine, gave even clubgoers who didn’t drink hangovers.
In Part Two: a famous urinator, sentient feces, and yes, that guy was there right until the end.
Monday, December 31, 2018
Saturday, December 22, 2018
The Old Man’s Ultimate U.S. 70s Uneasy Rider Tournament: Round Two, Part 1
At last, just in time for bowl season, we have the second round of our tournament. The survivors of our first two brackets take the field once again in their next step toward...glory? Will favourites fall? Will songs that cruised in the first round hit a wall in the second? Let the games begin.
THE GO AHEAD AND HATE YOUR NEIGHBOR BOWL
“One Tin Soldier,” Coven, 1971
vs. “Half-Breed,” Cher, 1973
The occult band’s #26 allegory about greed versus Cher’s charttopping prejudice lament.
Final Score: Soldier 49, Half-Breed 0. It was, metaphorically at least, a massacre. Cher thought her team would have a fair shot, but their opponents were very much willing to win at all costs. They didn’t even have to bring their most aggressive player off the bench. But we’ll be sure to see Billy Jack as the competition gets tougher.
THE DEMOCRATIC PROCESS BOWL
“Convention ‘72,” The Delegates, 1972
vs. “Elected,” Alice Cooper 1972
The #8 break-in political satire faces Alice’s #26 unlikely campaign launch.
Final Score: Convention 38, Elected 23. A game effort by Cooper’s delegation, but his opponents had a lot of tricks up their sleeves, and there were moments when they seemed to know exactly what plays their opponents would run. Reportedly there was a break-in at the Elected team hotel the night before, but at the moment there doesn’t seem to be any connection to the Delegates, so they still seem poised to rack up some more big victories. But the losing side left with heads held high, led by Cooper in his gold Rolls Royce.
THE FIGHT OR FLIGHT BOWL
“Big Yellow Taxi (Live),” Joni Mitchell, 1974
vs, “Hurricane,” Bob Dylan, 1975
Joni’s jazzy #24 take on her classic about progress trampling the environment takes on Bobby D.’s #33 plea for justice for a wrongly convicted boxer.
Final Score: Hurricane 45, Taxi 7. Dylan’s team came to fight, and they were relentless in their attack. Mitchell’s squad seemed demoralized by the fact that the field had been sprayed with DDT before the game, and some of them were seen leaving the stadium in cabs halfway through the third quarter.
THE I LEARNED THE TRUTH BOWL
“I am Woman,” Helen Reddy, 1972
vs. “At Seventeen,” Janis Ian, 1975
Helen’s #1 feminist anthem meets Janis’ #3 teen angst rumination.
Final Score: Woman 28, Seventeen 10. Helen had her team more than Reddy...er, ready, for a fight. Their opponents got down early, and then seemed to be resigned to defeat. The roar continues.
THE IT’S CRAZY OUT THERE BOWL
“Ball of Confusion (That’s What the World is Today),” The Temptations, 1970
vs. “What the World Needs Now is Love/Abraham, Martin and John,” Tom Clay, 1971
The Temps #3 portrayal of turmoil is matched up with Clay’s #8 message that hope for a more peaceful future lies with the children.
Final Score: World 21, Ball 14. The Temps took a quick lead with their aggressive attack, but there came a point in the third quarter when they decided that there was no point in trying any more. Clay’s team, with their youth and naïveté, still thought there was a chance to win, and they took it. How far can that sort of crazy thinking take them?
THE AMERICAN HISTORY II BOWL
“An American Trilogy,” Mickey Newbury, 1972
vs. “Uneasy Rider,” Charlie Daniels, 1973
Newbury’s #26 medley of historically significant American songs versus Daniels’ #9 hit about a clash of cultures and politics in the South.
Final Score: Rider 38, Trilogy 13. The Daniels team uses some questionable tactics in a dominant victory, but they distracted the refs with accusations of even worse infractions by their opponents, and they managed to get away with their skullduggery. It isn’t the truth that is marching on to the next round.
THE YOUNG MEN DYING NEEDLESSLY BOWL
“Monster,” Steppenwolf, 1970
vs. “The Killing of Georgie,” Rod Stewart, 197
The Canadian band’s highly critical #39 rundown of the lowlights of American history takes on Rod’s #30 depiction of a homophobia-motivated murder.
Final Score: Georgie 26, Monster 23 (OT). There wasn’t much between the two sides, and it took extra time to find a winner, but in the end, Rod just had a little extra kick. But without question, both teams fought the good fight.
THE OPINIONATED OUTSIDER BOWL
“Give Ireland Back to the Irish,” Wings, 1972
vs, “The Americans,” Byron MacGregor, 1974
McCartney’s #21 plea for Britain to let Northern Ireland go meets MacGregor’s #4 defence of Canada’s southern neighbours.
Final Score: Americans 45, Irish 12. Byron’s boys boomed and blustered their way to an easy win over Macca’s relatively tame push to end the Troubles. This team is strong, confident, and play offense and defense at a level few can match. They have to be considered one of the favourites to win it all at this point.
THE SON OF GOD OR GOD IS DEAD BOWL
“Joy,” Apollo 100, 1972
vs, “Also Sprach Zarathustra,” Deodato, 1972
A Brit’s #6 take on Bach faces a Brazilian’s #2 funkification of Strauss.
Final Score: Zarathustra 40, Joy 20. Both teams had similar strategies, but Deodato was working from a stronger playbook. Plus, they were assisted by a HAL 9000 computer. With such powerful technology, it seems like they should be going a long way with no problems.
THE BALLPARK REFRESHMENTS BOWL
“Popcorn,” Hot Butter, 1972
vs. “Beer Barrel Polka,” Bobby Vinton, 1975
A New Yorker’s #9 peek into the future matches up with the Polish Prince’s #33 blast from the past.
Final Score: Popcorn 55, Beer 3. The Hot Butter team were bursting with energy and flying all over the field. Vinton’s squad seemed to still be feeling the effects of celebrating their first win, and when they fell far behind early, they decided to just start celebrating again. Their opponents were gracious enough to supply snacks.
THE TONIGHT WE’RE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT’S 1941 BOWL
“Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy,” Bette Midler, 1973
vs. “Chattanooga Choo Choo,” Tuxedo Junction, 1978
Miss M’s #9 tribute to a swingin’ military musician goes up against a #32 disco version of a Glenn Miller train song.
Final Score: Bugle 24, Choo Choo 8. Bette’s squad had military precision and an inspirational team band. The Tuxedo team were just along for the ride.
THE SUMMER GRASS BOWL
“Summertime Blues,” The Who, 1970
vs. “Dueling Banjos,” Eric Weissberg and Steve Mandell, 1973
The Who’s #27 rip through Eddie Cochran’s rockabilly staple takes on the #2 pick fest made famous in the film Deliverance.
Final Score: Banjos 41, Blues 10. The game was played out in the middle of nowhere, which gave the Banjos a big advantage, and they weren’t shy about taking it. The Who protested the result by writing their Congressman, but he replied that he wasn’t their representative, as they aren’t even American citizens. It’s uncertain if they then tried the House of Lords, but regardless, the result stands.
THE DEMAND OR ASK POLITELY BOWL
“Gimme Dat Ding,” The Pipkins, 1970
vs. “Tusk,” Fleetwood Mac, 1979
A nonsensical #9 request faces a #8 parade of paranoia and, perhaps, pachyderms.
Final Score: Ding 24, Tusk 13. The Pipkins quelled the Mac attack by seemingly forcing turnovers at will. It also didn’t help that the Tusk team held their practices out in the open and even encouraged outsiders to film them, which severely undercut their chances of duplicating their previous success.
THE BUT MAMA, THAT’S WHERE THE FUN IS BOWL
“Blinded by the Light,” Manfred Mann’s Earth Band, 1977
vs. “Saturday Night,” Herman Brood and His Wild Romance, 1979
The British band’s #1 Springsteen cover takes on some #35 Dutch debauchery.
Final Score: Light 3, Night 0 (forfeit). The Earth Band were revved up like...something...to get on the field and run all over their opponents, but the Brood brood did not show. Some have speculated that this was because the game was scheduled on a Saturday evening on which the Wild Romance found better things to do. Sportingly, Coach Mann offered to send a team of teenage diplomats to search for them, but tournament officials opted to declare the contest forfeited.
THE PAZUZU COMES ALIVE BOWL
“Tubular Bells,” Mike Oldfield, 1974
vs. “Do You Feel Like We Do,” Peter Frampton, 1976
A haunting #7 piece that accompanied a demonic possession meets a guitar star’s #10 showcase of vocal distortion.
Final Score: Bells 54, Feel 3. Like others before them, Frampton’s boys partied too hard the night before the game. So any questions of extraordinary interference by the Oldfield squad did not seem to be answered, as there was a perfectly logical explanation for their opponents vomiting and falling down a lot.
THE DOO DAH WHOA WHOA BOWL
“Get Dancin’,” Disco Tex and the Sex-O-Lettes, 1975
vs. “Feelings,” Morris Albert, 1975
A coked-up #10 disco anthem versus a Brazilian lothario’s infamous #6 mushy punchline.
Final Score: Dancin’ 19, Feelings 14. Morris’ men tried to take it slow and methodical, seducing their opponents into surrender. But they were ultimately worn out by Tex’s rapid fire, machine gun approach, leaving them trying to forget the sensation of defeat.
There is much more to come in the second round, but next time, we’re going back to Britain for the holidays. See you then.
THE GO AHEAD AND HATE YOUR NEIGHBOR BOWL
“One Tin Soldier,” Coven, 1971
vs. “Half-Breed,” Cher, 1973
The occult band’s #26 allegory about greed versus Cher’s charttopping prejudice lament.
Final Score: Soldier 49, Half-Breed 0. It was, metaphorically at least, a massacre. Cher thought her team would have a fair shot, but their opponents were very much willing to win at all costs. They didn’t even have to bring their most aggressive player off the bench. But we’ll be sure to see Billy Jack as the competition gets tougher.
THE DEMOCRATIC PROCESS BOWL
“Convention ‘72,” The Delegates, 1972
vs. “Elected,” Alice Cooper 1972
The #8 break-in political satire faces Alice’s #26 unlikely campaign launch.
Final Score: Convention 38, Elected 23. A game effort by Cooper’s delegation, but his opponents had a lot of tricks up their sleeves, and there were moments when they seemed to know exactly what plays their opponents would run. Reportedly there was a break-in at the Elected team hotel the night before, but at the moment there doesn’t seem to be any connection to the Delegates, so they still seem poised to rack up some more big victories. But the losing side left with heads held high, led by Cooper in his gold Rolls Royce.
THE FIGHT OR FLIGHT BOWL
“Big Yellow Taxi (Live),” Joni Mitchell, 1974
vs, “Hurricane,” Bob Dylan, 1975
Joni’s jazzy #24 take on her classic about progress trampling the environment takes on Bobby D.’s #33 plea for justice for a wrongly convicted boxer.
Final Score: Hurricane 45, Taxi 7. Dylan’s team came to fight, and they were relentless in their attack. Mitchell’s squad seemed demoralized by the fact that the field had been sprayed with DDT before the game, and some of them were seen leaving the stadium in cabs halfway through the third quarter.
THE I LEARNED THE TRUTH BOWL
“I am Woman,” Helen Reddy, 1972
vs. “At Seventeen,” Janis Ian, 1975
Helen’s #1 feminist anthem meets Janis’ #3 teen angst rumination.
Final Score: Woman 28, Seventeen 10. Helen had her team more than Reddy...er, ready, for a fight. Their opponents got down early, and then seemed to be resigned to defeat. The roar continues.
THE IT’S CRAZY OUT THERE BOWL
“Ball of Confusion (That’s What the World is Today),” The Temptations, 1970
vs. “What the World Needs Now is Love/Abraham, Martin and John,” Tom Clay, 1971
The Temps #3 portrayal of turmoil is matched up with Clay’s #8 message that hope for a more peaceful future lies with the children.
Final Score: World 21, Ball 14. The Temps took a quick lead with their aggressive attack, but there came a point in the third quarter when they decided that there was no point in trying any more. Clay’s team, with their youth and naïveté, still thought there was a chance to win, and they took it. How far can that sort of crazy thinking take them?
THE AMERICAN HISTORY II BOWL
“An American Trilogy,” Mickey Newbury, 1972
vs. “Uneasy Rider,” Charlie Daniels, 1973
Newbury’s #26 medley of historically significant American songs versus Daniels’ #9 hit about a clash of cultures and politics in the South.
Final Score: Rider 38, Trilogy 13. The Daniels team uses some questionable tactics in a dominant victory, but they distracted the refs with accusations of even worse infractions by their opponents, and they managed to get away with their skullduggery. It isn’t the truth that is marching on to the next round.
THE YOUNG MEN DYING NEEDLESSLY BOWL
“Monster,” Steppenwolf, 1970
vs. “The Killing of Georgie,” Rod Stewart, 197
The Canadian band’s highly critical #39 rundown of the lowlights of American history takes on Rod’s #30 depiction of a homophobia-motivated murder.
Final Score: Georgie 26, Monster 23 (OT). There wasn’t much between the two sides, and it took extra time to find a winner, but in the end, Rod just had a little extra kick. But without question, both teams fought the good fight.
THE OPINIONATED OUTSIDER BOWL
“Give Ireland Back to the Irish,” Wings, 1972
vs, “The Americans,” Byron MacGregor, 1974
McCartney’s #21 plea for Britain to let Northern Ireland go meets MacGregor’s #4 defence of Canada’s southern neighbours.
Final Score: Americans 45, Irish 12. Byron’s boys boomed and blustered their way to an easy win over Macca’s relatively tame push to end the Troubles. This team is strong, confident, and play offense and defense at a level few can match. They have to be considered one of the favourites to win it all at this point.
THE SON OF GOD OR GOD IS DEAD BOWL
“Joy,” Apollo 100, 1972
vs, “Also Sprach Zarathustra,” Deodato, 1972
A Brit’s #6 take on Bach faces a Brazilian’s #2 funkification of Strauss.
Final Score: Zarathustra 40, Joy 20. Both teams had similar strategies, but Deodato was working from a stronger playbook. Plus, they were assisted by a HAL 9000 computer. With such powerful technology, it seems like they should be going a long way with no problems.
THE BALLPARK REFRESHMENTS BOWL
“Popcorn,” Hot Butter, 1972
vs. “Beer Barrel Polka,” Bobby Vinton, 1975
A New Yorker’s #9 peek into the future matches up with the Polish Prince’s #33 blast from the past.
Final Score: Popcorn 55, Beer 3. The Hot Butter team were bursting with energy and flying all over the field. Vinton’s squad seemed to still be feeling the effects of celebrating their first win, and when they fell far behind early, they decided to just start celebrating again. Their opponents were gracious enough to supply snacks.
THE TONIGHT WE’RE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT’S 1941 BOWL
“Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy,” Bette Midler, 1973
vs. “Chattanooga Choo Choo,” Tuxedo Junction, 1978
Miss M’s #9 tribute to a swingin’ military musician goes up against a #32 disco version of a Glenn Miller train song.
Final Score: Bugle 24, Choo Choo 8. Bette’s squad had military precision and an inspirational team band. The Tuxedo team were just along for the ride.
THE SUMMER GRASS BOWL
“Summertime Blues,” The Who, 1970
vs. “Dueling Banjos,” Eric Weissberg and Steve Mandell, 1973
The Who’s #27 rip through Eddie Cochran’s rockabilly staple takes on the #2 pick fest made famous in the film Deliverance.
Final Score: Banjos 41, Blues 10. The game was played out in the middle of nowhere, which gave the Banjos a big advantage, and they weren’t shy about taking it. The Who protested the result by writing their Congressman, but he replied that he wasn’t their representative, as they aren’t even American citizens. It’s uncertain if they then tried the House of Lords, but regardless, the result stands.
THE DEMAND OR ASK POLITELY BOWL
“Gimme Dat Ding,” The Pipkins, 1970
vs. “Tusk,” Fleetwood Mac, 1979
A nonsensical #9 request faces a #8 parade of paranoia and, perhaps, pachyderms.
Final Score: Ding 24, Tusk 13. The Pipkins quelled the Mac attack by seemingly forcing turnovers at will. It also didn’t help that the Tusk team held their practices out in the open and even encouraged outsiders to film them, which severely undercut their chances of duplicating their previous success.
THE BUT MAMA, THAT’S WHERE THE FUN IS BOWL
“Blinded by the Light,” Manfred Mann’s Earth Band, 1977
vs. “Saturday Night,” Herman Brood and His Wild Romance, 1979
The British band’s #1 Springsteen cover takes on some #35 Dutch debauchery.
Final Score: Light 3, Night 0 (forfeit). The Earth Band were revved up like...something...to get on the field and run all over their opponents, but the Brood brood did not show. Some have speculated that this was because the game was scheduled on a Saturday evening on which the Wild Romance found better things to do. Sportingly, Coach Mann offered to send a team of teenage diplomats to search for them, but tournament officials opted to declare the contest forfeited.
THE PAZUZU COMES ALIVE BOWL
“Tubular Bells,” Mike Oldfield, 1974
vs. “Do You Feel Like We Do,” Peter Frampton, 1976
A haunting #7 piece that accompanied a demonic possession meets a guitar star’s #10 showcase of vocal distortion.
Final Score: Bells 54, Feel 3. Like others before them, Frampton’s boys partied too hard the night before the game. So any questions of extraordinary interference by the Oldfield squad did not seem to be answered, as there was a perfectly logical explanation for their opponents vomiting and falling down a lot.
THE DOO DAH WHOA WHOA BOWL
“Get Dancin’,” Disco Tex and the Sex-O-Lettes, 1975
vs. “Feelings,” Morris Albert, 1975
A coked-up #10 disco anthem versus a Brazilian lothario’s infamous #6 mushy punchline.
Final Score: Dancin’ 19, Feelings 14. Morris’ men tried to take it slow and methodical, seducing their opponents into surrender. But they were ultimately worn out by Tex’s rapid fire, machine gun approach, leaving them trying to forget the sensation of defeat.
There is much more to come in the second round, but next time, we’re going back to Britain for the holidays. See you then.
Tuesday, December 18, 2018
AOMA: UKT40 December 9, 1972 Part Two
There’s more.
20 - “Leader of the Pack,” The Shirelles
A reissue of the 1964 teen tragedy classic by two pairs of New York sisters: Mary and Betty Weiss and Mary Ann and Marge Ganser. Just be careful riding your motorcycle in the rain. Get the picture?
19 - “Loop di Love,” Shag
An English version of a schlager song recorded under yet another pseudomym by prolific pop creep Jonathan King. It’s about an infatuation that turns out to be a business transaction, if you get my meaning. Not much in the first place, even less as time goes on.
18 - “Help Me Make it Through the Night,” Gladys Knight and the Pips
Gladys and the Pips take Kris Kristofferson’s cry for companionship and make it into a gorgeous soul ballad. Seriously, I would love them recording anything, because they make it beautiful. Give them Slayer and it would surely melt my heart.
17 - “Hi-Ho Silver Lining,” Jeff Beck
A Top Twenty reissue of the guitar legend’s 1967 Top Twenty hit, a sunny psychedelic pop romp. Beck has admitted not being particularly fond of it, likening it to “a pink toilet seat hung around your neck for the rest of your life.” Interesting. I quite enjoy it, though.
16 - “Shotgun Wedding,” Roy C
Another reissue, this is the second Top Ten run for this song by Georgia soul singer Roy Charles Hammond about a country boy forced into marriage by the father of the girl he impregnated. Fun, gutbucket Southern R&B.
15 - “I’m Stone in Love with You,” The Stylistics
The Philly soul outfit’s first Top Ten here was this declaration of all the things he wishes he could do for his beloved, including buy a house on the moon. That hasn’t been proven possible yet, to the presumed disappointment of both these guys and a prepubescent Marge Simpson. Oh well, that’s just proof that anyone can be wrong.
14 - “Clair,” Gilbert O’Sullivan
Ol’ Gil’s first U.K charttopper was this love song to a three-year-old. It’s not as creepy as it sounds, but it is a little sickly sweet. And it coming one U.S. chart placing short of a Triple Crown is also a bit much.
13 - “Stay With Me,” Blue Mink
The fifth hit for this group was this bland come-on. It’s still Barry White compared to “Afternoon Delight.”
12 - “Lay Down,” Strawbs
The first of three hits for these Londoners was this rock tune that’s not about sex, but rather a desire to relax one’s soul inspired by the Bible’s Twenty-Third Psalm. One of the better Christian-tinted pop hits of the period.
11 - “Rock Me Baby,” David Cassidy
The third hit for Keith Partridge was this stab at Stones-style bluesy grit. I can tell he’s trying as hard as he can, but he’s just not that guy. No matter how many risqué magazine covers he poses for.
10 - “Lookin’ Through the Windows,” The Jackson Five
The Gary gang’s first Top Ten here in two years was this step toward a more mature, less bubblegummy sound. Michael’s conviction belies his still-childish voice and conveys the adult emotion. The wave of their initial monster success had created, but they were still developing into a deeper, more interesting group that promised to launch one or more amazing careers.
9 - “Long Haired Lover From Liverpool,” Little Jimmy Osmond
Little Jimmy’s cutesy #1. I found out that in 2000 he recorded a new version. It was boy-band-style dance-rock that incorporates snippets of the original, and yes, he even raps a verse that includes references to previous Osmond hits. I can’t unhear it, so all I can do is warn you away. Catastrophic.
8 - “Solid Gold Easy Action,” T. Rex
The last of their string of eight straight Top 2s was this fast blast of lusty rock. Marc Bolan essentially put his raging libido on record. It’s not something everyone should do, but he could pull it off.
7 - “Ben,” Michael Jackson
Michael sells the power of a love between a boy and a rat. The fact that it was only #7 here and #6 in Canada is shameful. Another contender to receive the Triple Crown that I would like to strip from “Seasons in the Sun.”
6 - “Why,” Donny Osmond
Donny covers Frankie Avalon, gets his third Top Five. Maybe he should have continued in Frankie’s footsteps by making some beach party movies with, I don’t know, who could be his Annette...Tatum O’Neal, maybe? It couldn’t have been worse than Goin’ Coconuts.
5 - “Crocodile Rock,” Elton John
Elton’s first North American #1, held this high here. The innocence and silliness of early rock, encapsulated and dipped in nostalgia. An unintentional template for the 50s revivalism that would soon take hold.
4 - “Angel/What’s Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me)” Rod Stewart
Two Rod covers on one disc. The A is a version of a hopeful Jimi Hendrix track, unfortunately not released until after his death. The B is a cover of a 1968 Jerry Lee Lewis country hit about the destructive power of alcohol. More proof that when given great material, Roddy was money in the bank. Give him “Love Touch,” and oohyagonnagetta, oohyagonnagetta big shit sandwich.
3 - “Gudbuy t’Jane,” Slade
The fifth Top Five for the Wolverhampton wonders was this song about an aloof woman, apparently inspired by seeing a lady demonstrating a “sex machine” on American television. Was it insecurity that caused the farewell? Perhaps, but the world is one catchy rock song richer for it if it was.
2 - “Crazy Horses,” The Osmonds
The Utah nice boys take a stab at being hard rockin’ anti-pollution activist. Nowhere near as embarrassing as it could have been, And while Donny doesn’t sing on it, that horsey sound on the choruses is him on an organ. I’m going to go ahead and say it’s the best thing they ever did.
1 - “My Ding-a-Ling,’ Chuck Berry
The man who defined rock guitar plays a four-minute dick joke for an audience in Coventry, and this gave him a Triple Crown, Not “Johnny B. Goode.” Not “Maybellene.” Not “Sweet Little Sixteen.” This. This. Nothing more to say.
Another one down. Christmas is coming, and my gift to you will be the start of the second round of the Uneasy Rider Tournament. You’re welcome. Be here to open it soon.
20 - “Leader of the Pack,” The Shirelles
A reissue of the 1964 teen tragedy classic by two pairs of New York sisters: Mary and Betty Weiss and Mary Ann and Marge Ganser. Just be careful riding your motorcycle in the rain. Get the picture?
19 - “Loop di Love,” Shag
An English version of a schlager song recorded under yet another pseudomym by prolific pop creep Jonathan King. It’s about an infatuation that turns out to be a business transaction, if you get my meaning. Not much in the first place, even less as time goes on.
18 - “Help Me Make it Through the Night,” Gladys Knight and the Pips
Gladys and the Pips take Kris Kristofferson’s cry for companionship and make it into a gorgeous soul ballad. Seriously, I would love them recording anything, because they make it beautiful. Give them Slayer and it would surely melt my heart.
17 - “Hi-Ho Silver Lining,” Jeff Beck
A Top Twenty reissue of the guitar legend’s 1967 Top Twenty hit, a sunny psychedelic pop romp. Beck has admitted not being particularly fond of it, likening it to “a pink toilet seat hung around your neck for the rest of your life.” Interesting. I quite enjoy it, though.
16 - “Shotgun Wedding,” Roy C
Another reissue, this is the second Top Ten run for this song by Georgia soul singer Roy Charles Hammond about a country boy forced into marriage by the father of the girl he impregnated. Fun, gutbucket Southern R&B.
15 - “I’m Stone in Love with You,” The Stylistics
The Philly soul outfit’s first Top Ten here was this declaration of all the things he wishes he could do for his beloved, including buy a house on the moon. That hasn’t been proven possible yet, to the presumed disappointment of both these guys and a prepubescent Marge Simpson. Oh well, that’s just proof that anyone can be wrong.
14 - “Clair,” Gilbert O’Sullivan
Ol’ Gil’s first U.K charttopper was this love song to a three-year-old. It’s not as creepy as it sounds, but it is a little sickly sweet. And it coming one U.S. chart placing short of a Triple Crown is also a bit much.
13 - “Stay With Me,” Blue Mink
The fifth hit for this group was this bland come-on. It’s still Barry White compared to “Afternoon Delight.”
12 - “Lay Down,” Strawbs
The first of three hits for these Londoners was this rock tune that’s not about sex, but rather a desire to relax one’s soul inspired by the Bible’s Twenty-Third Psalm. One of the better Christian-tinted pop hits of the period.
11 - “Rock Me Baby,” David Cassidy
The third hit for Keith Partridge was this stab at Stones-style bluesy grit. I can tell he’s trying as hard as he can, but he’s just not that guy. No matter how many risqué magazine covers he poses for.
10 - “Lookin’ Through the Windows,” The Jackson Five
The Gary gang’s first Top Ten here in two years was this step toward a more mature, less bubblegummy sound. Michael’s conviction belies his still-childish voice and conveys the adult emotion. The wave of their initial monster success had created, but they were still developing into a deeper, more interesting group that promised to launch one or more amazing careers.
9 - “Long Haired Lover From Liverpool,” Little Jimmy Osmond
Little Jimmy’s cutesy #1. I found out that in 2000 he recorded a new version. It was boy-band-style dance-rock that incorporates snippets of the original, and yes, he even raps a verse that includes references to previous Osmond hits. I can’t unhear it, so all I can do is warn you away. Catastrophic.
8 - “Solid Gold Easy Action,” T. Rex
The last of their string of eight straight Top 2s was this fast blast of lusty rock. Marc Bolan essentially put his raging libido on record. It’s not something everyone should do, but he could pull it off.
7 - “Ben,” Michael Jackson
Michael sells the power of a love between a boy and a rat. The fact that it was only #7 here and #6 in Canada is shameful. Another contender to receive the Triple Crown that I would like to strip from “Seasons in the Sun.”
6 - “Why,” Donny Osmond
Donny covers Frankie Avalon, gets his third Top Five. Maybe he should have continued in Frankie’s footsteps by making some beach party movies with, I don’t know, who could be his Annette...Tatum O’Neal, maybe? It couldn’t have been worse than Goin’ Coconuts.
5 - “Crocodile Rock,” Elton John
Elton’s first North American #1, held this high here. The innocence and silliness of early rock, encapsulated and dipped in nostalgia. An unintentional template for the 50s revivalism that would soon take hold.
4 - “Angel/What’s Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me)” Rod Stewart
Two Rod covers on one disc. The A is a version of a hopeful Jimi Hendrix track, unfortunately not released until after his death. The B is a cover of a 1968 Jerry Lee Lewis country hit about the destructive power of alcohol. More proof that when given great material, Roddy was money in the bank. Give him “Love Touch,” and oohyagonnagetta, oohyagonnagetta big shit sandwich.
3 - “Gudbuy t’Jane,” Slade
The fifth Top Five for the Wolverhampton wonders was this song about an aloof woman, apparently inspired by seeing a lady demonstrating a “sex machine” on American television. Was it insecurity that caused the farewell? Perhaps, but the world is one catchy rock song richer for it if it was.
2 - “Crazy Horses,” The Osmonds
The Utah nice boys take a stab at being hard rockin’ anti-pollution activist. Nowhere near as embarrassing as it could have been, And while Donny doesn’t sing on it, that horsey sound on the choruses is him on an organ. I’m going to go ahead and say it’s the best thing they ever did.
1 - “My Ding-a-Ling,’ Chuck Berry
The man who defined rock guitar plays a four-minute dick joke for an audience in Coventry, and this gave him a Triple Crown, Not “Johnny B. Goode.” Not “Maybellene.” Not “Sweet Little Sixteen.” This. This. Nothing more to say.
Another one down. Christmas is coming, and my gift to you will be the start of the second round of the Uneasy Rider Tournament. You’re welcome. Be here to open it soon.
Friday, December 14, 2018
AOMA: UKT40 December 9, 1972 Part One
December 1972. Britons John Hicks and Rodney Porter win Nobel Prizes in Economics and Medicine, respectively. Places on the pop chart aren’t quite as prestigious, but the battle for them is often much more intense. Here is this week’s list.
40 -“Hi Hi Hi/C Moon,” Wings
Wings’ first Top Five had a loose rocker about sex and drugs and, um, bananas on the A side, and a reggae track that tries to coin a new phrase meaning “cool” (meant to be the opposite of “L7” for square) on the B. The A is Paul getting back to business and playing to a strength, while the flip is a preview of some of his more self-indulgent tripe.
39 - “Donna,” 10cc
The Stockporters debut single was a parody of overly-earnest doo wop that also sounds like the Beatles’ “Oh Darling.” It’s a layered joke that also works as a good straight pop song, which would become their trademark.
38 - “Elected,” Alice Cooper
Alice’s raucous campaign song for a run that hasn’t happened (yet) became his second U.K. Top Five. Of course, this kind of substance-Free populism would never get anyone elected anywhere.
37 - “Baby Don’t Get Hooked on Me,” Mac Davis
The Texan troubadour’s American charttopper was held to #29 here. I guess the Brits were better listeners, because they took his advice to heart,
36 - “In a Broken Dream,” Python Lee Jackson
This Aussie/Brit band wasn’t doing much in 1969 when they gave a singer named Rod Stewart a couple car seat covers to record three songs with them. Three years later, with Stewart now a superstar, it was reissued and became a Top Five. It’s an arty blues-rocker with poignant and creative lyrics. Finally, a song to match the depth of Rod’s voice. Quite possibly his finest moment.
35 - “Here I Go Again,” Archie Bell and the Drells
This Houston soul band are best known at home for their 1968 #1, “Tighten Up,” but their biggest U.K. success didn’t come until they teamed up with Philly soul maestros Gamble and Huff on this sumptuous groove. It drips off of you like water from a refreshing swim.
34 - “You’ll Always be a Friend,” Hot Chocolate
The fourth single from the future funk kings was this pop ballad about wanting to stay close even after a breakup. This doesn’t sound much like what I know of them. It doesn’t sound like much of anything.
33 - “The Jean Genie,” David Bowie
Davey Boy’s biggest hit to this point was this #2 glam grinder with cryptic lyrics about the lowlifes, hipsters, and hangers-on of New York City. Funky, snappy, guaranteed to move you. Distilled essence of Bowie.
32 - “Don’t Do That,” Geordie
The third hit for the Newcastle band was this blues shuffle that is vague in its prohibitions, but is more specific it what it wants you to do, i.e., come to their town and drink some local beer. But Brian Johnson doesn’t unleash the beast voice that he would us in AC/DC on this one.
31 - “Big Six,” Judge Dread
Another spin of the naughty arbiter’s first hit. Little Boy Blue is apparently a token and an unlucky cricketer. Good to know.
30 - “Gettin’ a Drag,” Lynsey de Paul
The Londoner’s second hit is about a woman who dumps a guy because he likes to dress up in her clothes...and looks better than her in them. A reaction to glam fashion? Maybe. But it’s not mean-spirited, and therefore fun.
29 - “Just Out of Reach (Of My Two Empty Arms),” Ken Dodd
Liverpudlian Dodd has a successful career as both a music hall comedian and a country/pop singer. As the latter, he racked up an impressive 18 Top 40s, the penultimate being this weepie that had previously been recorded by, among others, Patsy Cline and Solomon Burke. Old-fashioned, and just okay.
28 - “Little Drummer Boy,” The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards
The third and final hit for the Scottish militarymen was this version of the Christmas Carol about the young man who beats the skins for Jesus. Surprise, it’s heavy on the bagpipes. But I can handle bagpipes.
27 - “Goodbye to Love,” The Carpenters
The duo’s second Top Ten here. Karen sounds appropriately world-weary, there’s a surprise rock guitar solo, and all in all, it’s more pop heaven from the Angel Karen.
26 - “Oh Carol/Breaking Up is Hard to Do/Little Devil,” Neil Sedaka
The Brooklyn rock crooner began his 70s comeback in Britain, and the first stirring was this Top 20 disc featuring three hits from his early run. My order of preference for these songs is in reverse order of their listing.
25 - “Keeper of the Castle,” The Four Tops
The Tops’ first post-Motown hit was this funky call for men to be responsible to and for their families no matter how much the world has pushed them around. Why wouldn’t you listen to Levi Stubbs? His is the voice of soulful authority.
24 - “Mouldy Old Dough,” Lieutenant Pigeon
Our second visit with this odd march-pop semi-instrumental. What would it sound like if a British Revolutionary War regiment stumbled into an Old West saloon? Probably not like this, but I’d like to imagine it would.
23 - “Happy Xmas (War is Over),” John Lennon and Yoko Ono
The original British chart run for John and Yoko’s plea for true peace on Earth. I still wonder if we’ll ever want it bad enough.
22 - “Let’s Dance,” Chris Montez
A Top Ten reissue of Ezekiel Montanez’s 1962 rave-up offer to join him in a twist, a stomp, or perhaps even a mashed potato. Fine, fun proto-garage rock.
21 - “Nights in White Satin,” The Moody Blues
The re-release of their 1967 romantic epic hit #9 here, #2 in the States, and #1 in Canada. Yeah, I think I can support that. It’s the good kind of prog.
In Part Two: more re-released oldies, two ex-band mates chart separately, and America’s two leading pop families battle for control of British Top Ten territory.
40 -“Hi Hi Hi/C Moon,” Wings
Wings’ first Top Five had a loose rocker about sex and drugs and, um, bananas on the A side, and a reggae track that tries to coin a new phrase meaning “cool” (meant to be the opposite of “L7” for square) on the B. The A is Paul getting back to business and playing to a strength, while the flip is a preview of some of his more self-indulgent tripe.
39 - “Donna,” 10cc
The Stockporters debut single was a parody of overly-earnest doo wop that also sounds like the Beatles’ “Oh Darling.” It’s a layered joke that also works as a good straight pop song, which would become their trademark.
38 - “Elected,” Alice Cooper
Alice’s raucous campaign song for a run that hasn’t happened (yet) became his second U.K. Top Five. Of course, this kind of substance-Free populism would never get anyone elected anywhere.
37 - “Baby Don’t Get Hooked on Me,” Mac Davis
The Texan troubadour’s American charttopper was held to #29 here. I guess the Brits were better listeners, because they took his advice to heart,
36 - “In a Broken Dream,” Python Lee Jackson
This Aussie/Brit band wasn’t doing much in 1969 when they gave a singer named Rod Stewart a couple car seat covers to record three songs with them. Three years later, with Stewart now a superstar, it was reissued and became a Top Five. It’s an arty blues-rocker with poignant and creative lyrics. Finally, a song to match the depth of Rod’s voice. Quite possibly his finest moment.
35 - “Here I Go Again,” Archie Bell and the Drells
This Houston soul band are best known at home for their 1968 #1, “Tighten Up,” but their biggest U.K. success didn’t come until they teamed up with Philly soul maestros Gamble and Huff on this sumptuous groove. It drips off of you like water from a refreshing swim.
34 - “You’ll Always be a Friend,” Hot Chocolate
The fourth single from the future funk kings was this pop ballad about wanting to stay close even after a breakup. This doesn’t sound much like what I know of them. It doesn’t sound like much of anything.
33 - “The Jean Genie,” David Bowie
Davey Boy’s biggest hit to this point was this #2 glam grinder with cryptic lyrics about the lowlifes, hipsters, and hangers-on of New York City. Funky, snappy, guaranteed to move you. Distilled essence of Bowie.
32 - “Don’t Do That,” Geordie
The third hit for the Newcastle band was this blues shuffle that is vague in its prohibitions, but is more specific it what it wants you to do, i.e., come to their town and drink some local beer. But Brian Johnson doesn’t unleash the beast voice that he would us in AC/DC on this one.
31 - “Big Six,” Judge Dread
Another spin of the naughty arbiter’s first hit. Little Boy Blue is apparently a token and an unlucky cricketer. Good to know.
30 - “Gettin’ a Drag,” Lynsey de Paul
The Londoner’s second hit is about a woman who dumps a guy because he likes to dress up in her clothes...and looks better than her in them. A reaction to glam fashion? Maybe. But it’s not mean-spirited, and therefore fun.
29 - “Just Out of Reach (Of My Two Empty Arms),” Ken Dodd
Liverpudlian Dodd has a successful career as both a music hall comedian and a country/pop singer. As the latter, he racked up an impressive 18 Top 40s, the penultimate being this weepie that had previously been recorded by, among others, Patsy Cline and Solomon Burke. Old-fashioned, and just okay.
28 - “Little Drummer Boy,” The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards
The third and final hit for the Scottish militarymen was this version of the Christmas Carol about the young man who beats the skins for Jesus. Surprise, it’s heavy on the bagpipes. But I can handle bagpipes.
27 - “Goodbye to Love,” The Carpenters
The duo’s second Top Ten here. Karen sounds appropriately world-weary, there’s a surprise rock guitar solo, and all in all, it’s more pop heaven from the Angel Karen.
26 - “Oh Carol/Breaking Up is Hard to Do/Little Devil,” Neil Sedaka
The Brooklyn rock crooner began his 70s comeback in Britain, and the first stirring was this Top 20 disc featuring three hits from his early run. My order of preference for these songs is in reverse order of their listing.
25 - “Keeper of the Castle,” The Four Tops
The Tops’ first post-Motown hit was this funky call for men to be responsible to and for their families no matter how much the world has pushed them around. Why wouldn’t you listen to Levi Stubbs? His is the voice of soulful authority.
24 - “Mouldy Old Dough,” Lieutenant Pigeon
Our second visit with this odd march-pop semi-instrumental. What would it sound like if a British Revolutionary War regiment stumbled into an Old West saloon? Probably not like this, but I’d like to imagine it would.
23 - “Happy Xmas (War is Over),” John Lennon and Yoko Ono
The original British chart run for John and Yoko’s plea for true peace on Earth. I still wonder if we’ll ever want it bad enough.
22 - “Let’s Dance,” Chris Montez
A Top Ten reissue of Ezekiel Montanez’s 1962 rave-up offer to join him in a twist, a stomp, or perhaps even a mashed potato. Fine, fun proto-garage rock.
21 - “Nights in White Satin,” The Moody Blues
The re-release of their 1967 romantic epic hit #9 here, #2 in the States, and #1 in Canada. Yeah, I think I can support that. It’s the good kind of prog.
In Part Two: more re-released oldies, two ex-band mates chart separately, and America’s two leading pop families battle for control of British Top Ten territory.
Friday, December 7, 2018
...And as Years Go By: Canadian Top 75 November 18, 1978
1978 in Canada. It was the year our national passenger train service, Via Rail, was established. I’ve never been on it. But I’ll keep chugging along and look at a 40-year-old chart, even if I have to stretch to the Top 75 and beyond for material.
Bonus Track: 78 - “Fun Time,” Joe Cocker
The raspy man from Sheffield, England with a version of a snappy number by New Orleans R&B master Allen Toussaint. Joyous music, with interesting turns of phrase like “my mojo wanna disco hand” and “it’s fun time for U.S.All.” Sometimes there is beauty in the lack of clarity.
74 - “Dear Christine,” Klaatu
These Torontonians were once mistaken for a reunited Beatles, and this pop-rocker about a man at sea missing his beloved seems influenced by the Rubber Soul/Revolver period. Not that good, of course, but nice enough.
71 - “Come Runnin’,” Greg Adams
This Toronto singer-songwriter had much of his success co-penning songs for Roger Whittaker (!), but did manage to chart on his own with this MOR love song that sounds like C-grade Boz Scaggs. I’m not intrigued to hear more.
69 - “New York City,” Zwol
Formerly of Toronto band Brutus, Walter Zwolinski got to #57 with his biggest solo hit, this rock love letter to the Big Apple. There’s an interesting recurring synth line, and overall, it’s catchy and enthusiastically performed. A cool little forgotten nugget.
67 - “All I Wanna Do,” Doucette
Another single by Jerry from Montreal. This one is a midtempo ballad, and it sounds a lot like the mushier moments of Jefferson Starship. One is beyond sufficient.
66 - “This is Love,” Paul Anka
The teen heartthrob turned songwriting pro turned AC balladeer had his last 70s hit with some goop about a relationship becoming de-Platonicized. Apparently, that made him feel, “like a mad hatter.” For some reason, this makes me picture Paul Anka on an LSD trip, which amuses me. Remember those times of your life, Paulie!
63 - “Wavelength,” Van Morrison
Van the Man made a brief bid to return to pop radio by embracing synthesizers and drum machines on this song about an unspoken, long-distance communication bond between lovers. Essentially the same idea as Golden Earring’s “Radar Love,” but Van’s soul shines through the technology and kind of crystallizes the idea. Tune in to it.
61 - “Love is in the Air,” Martin Stevens
This is the same song Australian John Paul Young would take to #7 in America, but up here that version had to compete with a similar-sounding version by a Montrealer born Roger Prud’homme. If anything, this one is a little less slick, which gives it an edge on my scorecard. But it’s quite bad in any form.
57 - “Like a Sunday in Salem,” Gene Cotton
The fourth and last of the Columbus, Ohio native’s four Top 40s in America was this earnest rocker about Joe McCarthy’s anti-communist inquisitions that led to many actors, writers and directors to be blacklisted for their “Un-American activities.” It’s urgent, serious, and wonderful. I regret that I didn’t look at it for the Uneasy Rider tournament, because it would have gotten an invite. I feel it would have gotten knocked out in the first round by something, but still, I apologize for ignoring it, and I assure you that it had nothing to do with any political affiliations real or imagined.
53 - “Champagne Jam,” Atlanta Rhythm Section
These Southern rockers were more famous for MOR hits like “Imaginary Lover” and “So Into You,” but they show a more bluesy side on this tune about improvising and drinking bubbly. And there is some nice stuff on the solos at the end, so job done.
51 - “Flying High,” The Commodores
Lionel Richie and the boys turn to their funk side on this track about affection-turned-intoxication. Always nice to hear one of their non-ballads that isn’t “Brick House.”
47 - “Searchin’ for a Thrill,” Starbuck
The final single for the band behind “Moonlight Feels Right” was this rocker about the teenage need for new excitement and the machine that tries to provide it. Beyond that one pop hit there was a quality Southern rock act striving to come out.
42 - “Round Round We Go,” Trooper
The CanRock stalwarts followed up the balls-out rock of “Raise a Little Hell” with a funk-pop number about relationships and mood swings. They were more versatile u I think they get credit for. Perhaps one of the most deserving beneficiaries of CanCon.
40 - “All I See is Your Face,” Dan Hill
The Torontonian’s follow-up to the immortally sappy “Sometimes When We Touch” was this slightly less sappy ballad about missing an ex. Its virtues mostly lie in what it isn’t.
35 - “Everybody Needs Love,” Stephen Bishop
The third hit for the San Diego singer-songwriter best known for “On and On” was this declaration of the universal need for affection. Catchy, professional pop.
25 - “Break it to Them Gently,” Burton Cummings
The second Top Ten for the voice of the Guess Who was this song on which he asks someone to tell his family the news that he’s a wanted fugitive. Apparently that involves something called “rolling,” which must be done with great care, especially when you “roll the old lady,” i.e. his grandmother, because “she’s damn near eighty.” A CanCon staple which I never considered weird then, but I do now.
Let’s open the Top Ten Tickle Trunk
10 - “Beast of Burden,” The Rolling Stones
Just a great Stones grinder. You would have to be blind (or deaf) to see that this is easily rough, tough, and rich enough.
9 - “Kiss You All Over,” Exile
Sexy disco-rock that fell one place short of the Can-Am double, and also went Top a Ten across the pond. Still does its thing.
8 - “Back in the U.S.A.,” Linda Ronstadt
Ironically, this cover of Chuck Berry’s ode to the pleasures of America got eight places higher here than in the States. I wonder how glad that made her.
7 - “Who Are You,” The Who
The future CSI theme was only Top Twenty in the “United” countries, but Top Ten here. Maybe it helped that an early version of it was performed at Maple Leaf Gardens.
6 - “Right Down The Line,” Gerry Rafferty
Not only did we take it upon ourselves to give “Baker Street” the #1 it deserved, we also made its follow-up a Top Five. Clowns to the south of us, jokers to the east.
5 - “Whenever I Call You ‘Friend’,” Kenny Loggins
Kenny’s Stevie Nicks-enhanced first solo hit was a cross-border Top Five. They were indeed doin’ it right.
4 - “MacArthur Park,” Donna Summer
The cover of Richard Harris’ bizarre story of leaving a cake out in the rain topped both North American charts, while Britain held it to #5. Oh nooooooooooooo!
3 - “Reminiscing,” The Little River Band
Well, at least we only put this crapload just as high as the Americans. These guys are the blight on pop that I imagined Three Dog Night was until I learned better.
2 - “Hot Child in the City,” Nick Gilder (CanCon!)
Another cross-border charttopper came from this Vancouverite. This glam rocker was written by Gilder from the point of view of a creepy pursuer of child prostitutes. It gives more depth to a song I always liked. I appreciate that.
And up top up here 40 years ago was...
1 - “You Needed Me,” Anne Murray (CanCon!)
Nova Scotia Annie’s fourth home #1 was also her only one in the States. It only got to #22 in Britain, but Boyzone would take it to the top 21 years later, So they would indeed put it high upon a pedestal, eventually.
Back to Britain next time. Bye, eh.
Bonus Track: 78 - “Fun Time,” Joe Cocker
The raspy man from Sheffield, England with a version of a snappy number by New Orleans R&B master Allen Toussaint. Joyous music, with interesting turns of phrase like “my mojo wanna disco hand” and “it’s fun time for U.S.All.” Sometimes there is beauty in the lack of clarity.
74 - “Dear Christine,” Klaatu
These Torontonians were once mistaken for a reunited Beatles, and this pop-rocker about a man at sea missing his beloved seems influenced by the Rubber Soul/Revolver period. Not that good, of course, but nice enough.
71 - “Come Runnin’,” Greg Adams
This Toronto singer-songwriter had much of his success co-penning songs for Roger Whittaker (!), but did manage to chart on his own with this MOR love song that sounds like C-grade Boz Scaggs. I’m not intrigued to hear more.
69 - “New York City,” Zwol
Formerly of Toronto band Brutus, Walter Zwolinski got to #57 with his biggest solo hit, this rock love letter to the Big Apple. There’s an interesting recurring synth line, and overall, it’s catchy and enthusiastically performed. A cool little forgotten nugget.
67 - “All I Wanna Do,” Doucette
Another single by Jerry from Montreal. This one is a midtempo ballad, and it sounds a lot like the mushier moments of Jefferson Starship. One is beyond sufficient.
66 - “This is Love,” Paul Anka
The teen heartthrob turned songwriting pro turned AC balladeer had his last 70s hit with some goop about a relationship becoming de-Platonicized. Apparently, that made him feel, “like a mad hatter.” For some reason, this makes me picture Paul Anka on an LSD trip, which amuses me. Remember those times of your life, Paulie!
63 - “Wavelength,” Van Morrison
Van the Man made a brief bid to return to pop radio by embracing synthesizers and drum machines on this song about an unspoken, long-distance communication bond between lovers. Essentially the same idea as Golden Earring’s “Radar Love,” but Van’s soul shines through the technology and kind of crystallizes the idea. Tune in to it.
61 - “Love is in the Air,” Martin Stevens
This is the same song Australian John Paul Young would take to #7 in America, but up here that version had to compete with a similar-sounding version by a Montrealer born Roger Prud’homme. If anything, this one is a little less slick, which gives it an edge on my scorecard. But it’s quite bad in any form.
57 - “Like a Sunday in Salem,” Gene Cotton
The fourth and last of the Columbus, Ohio native’s four Top 40s in America was this earnest rocker about Joe McCarthy’s anti-communist inquisitions that led to many actors, writers and directors to be blacklisted for their “Un-American activities.” It’s urgent, serious, and wonderful. I regret that I didn’t look at it for the Uneasy Rider tournament, because it would have gotten an invite. I feel it would have gotten knocked out in the first round by something, but still, I apologize for ignoring it, and I assure you that it had nothing to do with any political affiliations real or imagined.
53 - “Champagne Jam,” Atlanta Rhythm Section
These Southern rockers were more famous for MOR hits like “Imaginary Lover” and “So Into You,” but they show a more bluesy side on this tune about improvising and drinking bubbly. And there is some nice stuff on the solos at the end, so job done.
51 - “Flying High,” The Commodores
Lionel Richie and the boys turn to their funk side on this track about affection-turned-intoxication. Always nice to hear one of their non-ballads that isn’t “Brick House.”
47 - “Searchin’ for a Thrill,” Starbuck
The final single for the band behind “Moonlight Feels Right” was this rocker about the teenage need for new excitement and the machine that tries to provide it. Beyond that one pop hit there was a quality Southern rock act striving to come out.
42 - “Round Round We Go,” Trooper
The CanRock stalwarts followed up the balls-out rock of “Raise a Little Hell” with a funk-pop number about relationships and mood swings. They were more versatile u I think they get credit for. Perhaps one of the most deserving beneficiaries of CanCon.
40 - “All I See is Your Face,” Dan Hill
The Torontonian’s follow-up to the immortally sappy “Sometimes When We Touch” was this slightly less sappy ballad about missing an ex. Its virtues mostly lie in what it isn’t.
35 - “Everybody Needs Love,” Stephen Bishop
The third hit for the San Diego singer-songwriter best known for “On and On” was this declaration of the universal need for affection. Catchy, professional pop.
25 - “Break it to Them Gently,” Burton Cummings
The second Top Ten for the voice of the Guess Who was this song on which he asks someone to tell his family the news that he’s a wanted fugitive. Apparently that involves something called “rolling,” which must be done with great care, especially when you “roll the old lady,” i.e. his grandmother, because “she’s damn near eighty.” A CanCon staple which I never considered weird then, but I do now.
Let’s open the Top Ten Tickle Trunk
10 - “Beast of Burden,” The Rolling Stones
Just a great Stones grinder. You would have to be blind (or deaf) to see that this is easily rough, tough, and rich enough.
9 - “Kiss You All Over,” Exile
Sexy disco-rock that fell one place short of the Can-Am double, and also went Top a Ten across the pond. Still does its thing.
8 - “Back in the U.S.A.,” Linda Ronstadt
Ironically, this cover of Chuck Berry’s ode to the pleasures of America got eight places higher here than in the States. I wonder how glad that made her.
7 - “Who Are You,” The Who
The future CSI theme was only Top Twenty in the “United” countries, but Top Ten here. Maybe it helped that an early version of it was performed at Maple Leaf Gardens.
6 - “Right Down The Line,” Gerry Rafferty
Not only did we take it upon ourselves to give “Baker Street” the #1 it deserved, we also made its follow-up a Top Five. Clowns to the south of us, jokers to the east.
5 - “Whenever I Call You ‘Friend’,” Kenny Loggins
Kenny’s Stevie Nicks-enhanced first solo hit was a cross-border Top Five. They were indeed doin’ it right.
4 - “MacArthur Park,” Donna Summer
The cover of Richard Harris’ bizarre story of leaving a cake out in the rain topped both North American charts, while Britain held it to #5. Oh nooooooooooooo!
3 - “Reminiscing,” The Little River Band
Well, at least we only put this crapload just as high as the Americans. These guys are the blight on pop that I imagined Three Dog Night was until I learned better.
2 - “Hot Child in the City,” Nick Gilder (CanCon!)
Another cross-border charttopper came from this Vancouverite. This glam rocker was written by Gilder from the point of view of a creepy pursuer of child prostitutes. It gives more depth to a song I always liked. I appreciate that.
And up top up here 40 years ago was...
1 - “You Needed Me,” Anne Murray (CanCon!)
Nova Scotia Annie’s fourth home #1 was also her only one in the States. It only got to #22 in Britain, but Boyzone would take it to the top 21 years later, So they would indeed put it high upon a pedestal, eventually.
Back to Britain next time. Bye, eh.
Wednesday, December 5, 2018
An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 November 21, 1987 Part Two
Stage two.
20 - “Sho’ You Right,” Barry White
The legendary loverman returned to the British charts after nine years with this one. The beats are more modern and harder-edged, but the subject is the same, and the Voice is still buttah laced with Spanish Fly. The man was back.
19 - “Mony Mony,” Billy Idol
The live Tommy James cover topped North American charts, but only hit #7 here. I can accept that. The studio version is better.
18 - “Some Guys Have All the Luck,” Maxi Priest
The third charting cover of this 1973 Persuaders track, following Robert Palmer and Rod Stewart. The Londoner adapts it to his gentle pop-reggae style, and it’s okay. He does better later with Cat Stevens’ “Wild World.”
17 - “Dinner With Gershwin,” Donna Summer
The disco queen ended a four-year absence from the charts here with this quirky funk number on which she compares having sex with the object of her affection with other wild fantasies about dining with the composer of “Rhapsody in Blue,” watching artists Rembrandt and Picasso work, being in an airplane cockpit with Amelia Earhart, and having similar experiences with other famous people who were by then sadly dead. One only hopes that the person she wants to “get next to” isn’t.
16 - “Paid in Full,” Eric B. and Rakim
The rap pioneers had their second hit with a version of their debut album’s title track remixes by British duo Coldcut. The added samples of Don Pardo, Humphrey Bogart, Israeli singer Ofra Haza, and others play starring roles, but Rakim’s rhymes take a back seat to no one. Brilliant.
15 - “Little Lies,” Fleetwood Mac
Their first of two Top Fives for the Buckingham/Nicks-enhanced lineup was this okay pop tune about volunteering to be deceived. Part of my case for finding the Christine McVie singles the most boring.
14 - “Criticize,” Alexander O’Neal
The fourth and biggest hit for the Mississippi native was this rebuke to a nitpicking lover. Catchy, plenty of attitude, a distinctive voice. Lots to love.
13 - “Love in the First Degree,” Bananarama
The girl group teamed up with SAW for this fluff about being guilty of affection. My court charges them with mediocrity.
12 - “Faith,” George Michael
So...Britain kept this pop masterpiece from a Triple Crown? It’s enough to make you lose your belief. I just have to pick my heart back off the floor and move on.
11 - “Here I Go Again,” Whitesnake
Coverdale’s boys re-record a song they took to #34 in 1982. They add synths, change the word “hobo” to “drifter,” and get Tawny Kitaen to writhe on a car in the video. Hey presto, it goes Top Ten here and snares the North American Triple Crown jewels. There really is an art to selling out.
10 - “Barcelona,” Freddie Mercury and Montserrat Caballe
So Freddie Mercury, who hasn’t been shy about loving opera (see “Bohemian Rhapsody”), goes on Spanish TV in 1986 and says he’d like to meet and one day work with Caballe, that country’s premier soprano. They meet the next year and get on, leading to Freddie writing a duet for them in celebration of Barcelona’s selection as host of the 1992 Summer Olympics. The result is this over-the-top anthem to the city and love and spectacle. The styles blend seamlessly, as you’d expect Freddie would figure out how to do. It’s glorious, and of course an Uneasy Rider. Viva! And by the way, I still think no one has topped the way Barcelona lit their Olympic torch, with the flaming arrow. I’m still impressed by that.
9 - “So Emotional,” Whitney Houston
Another of Whit’s signature hits. Ain’t it shocking how good it is. Um...no.
8 - “Jack Mix IV,” Mirage
Bristolian producer Nigel Wright cashed in on the popularity of house with a medley/mashup of several hits, including "Axel F." "Jack Your Body" and "Male Stripper." Crassly commercial, but well-constructed.
7 - “You Win Again,” Bee Gees
The Btothers Gibb returned after a nearly eight-year absence from the U.K.charts with a surprise #1 in the form of this booming pop track about romantic persistence. It's got the sheen, the hooks, and that vocal sound that only those three guys can create together. I really think North America dropped the ball by not getting on board with this. It's a late-period masterclass from true greats.
6 - “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life,” Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
The chonically unsexy theme to Dirty Dancing peaked here over here, preventing it from a Triple Crown. Thank you so much, Britain. It's almost enough to make me forgive completing the hat trick for "Seasons in the Sun." Almost.
5 - “My Baby Just Cares for Me,” Nina Simone
North Carolina-born Eunice Waymon first gained fame in the late 50s, and spent the next four decades of her life in a career known as much for her outspoken support of civil rights than her amazing, versatile voice. Her signature song, this bouncy jazz love song about how her man prefers her to theatre, racing cars, famous beauties, and other things, became a Top Five 29 years after its original release after its use in a commercial for Chanel No. 5. It's a classy classic, but only the tip of the iceberg of one of music's most remarkable bodies of work.
4 - “Never Can Say Goodbye,” The Communards
The third and last Top Ten for Jimmy Somerville's second band was this cover of the 1971 Jackson 5 hit. It's very much based on Gloria Gaynor's 1975 version, but the passion Somerville brings makes it more than just a cash-in on existing popularity.
3 - “Whenever You Need Somebody,” Rick Astley
Ricky’s second hit was another bouncy S/A/W love song. Further proof that he would be on the Stock Aitken Waterman Mount Rushmore with Kylie. Dead or Alive, and Bananarama.
2 - “Got My Mind Set on You,” George Harrison
George's comeback was kept out of the top spot in part by the Gibbs, denying it a Triple Crown. At least he already had one, for "My Sweet Lord."
1 - “China in Your Hand,” T’Pau
Although it wasn't nearly as big in the States as debut single "Heart and Soul," the Shropshire band's second hit was their only #1. It's a soaring power ballad inspired by Mary Shelley's creation of the novel Frankenstein. It captures the joy of creation, and the uncertainty of unleashing something the world may not be ready for. It's big and bold, dramatically sung, and sticks in the mind. It truly is a monster, and I mean that in the best possible way.
Next time it’s back to Canada. Join me then
20 - “Sho’ You Right,” Barry White
The legendary loverman returned to the British charts after nine years with this one. The beats are more modern and harder-edged, but the subject is the same, and the Voice is still buttah laced with Spanish Fly. The man was back.
19 - “Mony Mony,” Billy Idol
The live Tommy James cover topped North American charts, but only hit #7 here. I can accept that. The studio version is better.
18 - “Some Guys Have All the Luck,” Maxi Priest
The third charting cover of this 1973 Persuaders track, following Robert Palmer and Rod Stewart. The Londoner adapts it to his gentle pop-reggae style, and it’s okay. He does better later with Cat Stevens’ “Wild World.”
17 - “Dinner With Gershwin,” Donna Summer
The disco queen ended a four-year absence from the charts here with this quirky funk number on which she compares having sex with the object of her affection with other wild fantasies about dining with the composer of “Rhapsody in Blue,” watching artists Rembrandt and Picasso work, being in an airplane cockpit with Amelia Earhart, and having similar experiences with other famous people who were by then sadly dead. One only hopes that the person she wants to “get next to” isn’t.
16 - “Paid in Full,” Eric B. and Rakim
The rap pioneers had their second hit with a version of their debut album’s title track remixes by British duo Coldcut. The added samples of Don Pardo, Humphrey Bogart, Israeli singer Ofra Haza, and others play starring roles, but Rakim’s rhymes take a back seat to no one. Brilliant.
15 - “Little Lies,” Fleetwood Mac
Their first of two Top Fives for the Buckingham/Nicks-enhanced lineup was this okay pop tune about volunteering to be deceived. Part of my case for finding the Christine McVie singles the most boring.
14 - “Criticize,” Alexander O’Neal
The fourth and biggest hit for the Mississippi native was this rebuke to a nitpicking lover. Catchy, plenty of attitude, a distinctive voice. Lots to love.
13 - “Love in the First Degree,” Bananarama
The girl group teamed up with SAW for this fluff about being guilty of affection. My court charges them with mediocrity.
12 - “Faith,” George Michael
So...Britain kept this pop masterpiece from a Triple Crown? It’s enough to make you lose your belief. I just have to pick my heart back off the floor and move on.
11 - “Here I Go Again,” Whitesnake
Coverdale’s boys re-record a song they took to #34 in 1982. They add synths, change the word “hobo” to “drifter,” and get Tawny Kitaen to writhe on a car in the video. Hey presto, it goes Top Ten here and snares the North American Triple Crown jewels. There really is an art to selling out.
10 - “Barcelona,” Freddie Mercury and Montserrat Caballe
So Freddie Mercury, who hasn’t been shy about loving opera (see “Bohemian Rhapsody”), goes on Spanish TV in 1986 and says he’d like to meet and one day work with Caballe, that country’s premier soprano. They meet the next year and get on, leading to Freddie writing a duet for them in celebration of Barcelona’s selection as host of the 1992 Summer Olympics. The result is this over-the-top anthem to the city and love and spectacle. The styles blend seamlessly, as you’d expect Freddie would figure out how to do. It’s glorious, and of course an Uneasy Rider. Viva! And by the way, I still think no one has topped the way Barcelona lit their Olympic torch, with the flaming arrow. I’m still impressed by that.
9 - “So Emotional,” Whitney Houston
Another of Whit’s signature hits. Ain’t it shocking how good it is. Um...no.
8 - “Jack Mix IV,” Mirage
Bristolian producer Nigel Wright cashed in on the popularity of house with a medley/mashup of several hits, including "Axel F." "Jack Your Body" and "Male Stripper." Crassly commercial, but well-constructed.
7 - “You Win Again,” Bee Gees
The Btothers Gibb returned after a nearly eight-year absence from the U.K.charts with a surprise #1 in the form of this booming pop track about romantic persistence. It's got the sheen, the hooks, and that vocal sound that only those three guys can create together. I really think North America dropped the ball by not getting on board with this. It's a late-period masterclass from true greats.
6 - “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life,” Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
The chonically unsexy theme to Dirty Dancing peaked here over here, preventing it from a Triple Crown. Thank you so much, Britain. It's almost enough to make me forgive completing the hat trick for "Seasons in the Sun." Almost.
5 - “My Baby Just Cares for Me,” Nina Simone
North Carolina-born Eunice Waymon first gained fame in the late 50s, and spent the next four decades of her life in a career known as much for her outspoken support of civil rights than her amazing, versatile voice. Her signature song, this bouncy jazz love song about how her man prefers her to theatre, racing cars, famous beauties, and other things, became a Top Five 29 years after its original release after its use in a commercial for Chanel No. 5. It's a classy classic, but only the tip of the iceberg of one of music's most remarkable bodies of work.
4 - “Never Can Say Goodbye,” The Communards
The third and last Top Ten for Jimmy Somerville's second band was this cover of the 1971 Jackson 5 hit. It's very much based on Gloria Gaynor's 1975 version, but the passion Somerville brings makes it more than just a cash-in on existing popularity.
3 - “Whenever You Need Somebody,” Rick Astley
Ricky’s second hit was another bouncy S/A/W love song. Further proof that he would be on the Stock Aitken Waterman Mount Rushmore with Kylie. Dead or Alive, and Bananarama.
2 - “Got My Mind Set on You,” George Harrison
George's comeback was kept out of the top spot in part by the Gibbs, denying it a Triple Crown. At least he already had one, for "My Sweet Lord."
1 - “China in Your Hand,” T’Pau
Although it wasn't nearly as big in the States as debut single "Heart and Soul," the Shropshire band's second hit was their only #1. It's a soaring power ballad inspired by Mary Shelley's creation of the novel Frankenstein. It captures the joy of creation, and the uncertainty of unleashing something the world may not be ready for. It's big and bold, dramatically sung, and sticks in the mind. It truly is a monster, and I mean that in the best possible way.
Next time it’s back to Canada. Join me then
Monday, December 3, 2018
An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 November 21, 1987 Part One
November 1987. Margaret Thatcher’s Conservatives break the 50% mark in national polls. They celebrate their popularity by abolishing free eye tests. There’s a joke in there about how it was in the government’s best interest for the masses not to see clearly, but instead of making it, I’ll just go to the chart.
40 - “Never Gonna Give You Up,” Rick Astley
The man from Lancashire’s S/A/W-crafted, Triple Crown-winning debut single. Long may it roll on.
39 - “So Amazing,” Luther Vandross
The smoothie’s fourth U.K. hit was this sleek bedroom ballad. If honey had a sound, it would be Luther’s voice.
38 - “Full Metal Jacket (I Wanna Be Your Drill Instructor),” Abigail Mead and Nigel Goulding
To promote Stanley Kubrick’s Vietnam War film Full Metal Jacket, his daughter Vivian, who composed the score under the pseudonym Abigail Mead, put together this track, which consists of R. Lee Ermey’s drill chants to his recruits backed by upbeat funk-pop. An odd mix, but it worked well enough to get to #2 here. And it’s an obviously an Uneasy Rider, not unlike the doomed Private Pyle in the movie. And no, I haven’t been able to learn who Nigel Goulding is or what he did on this.
37 - “Pump Up the Volume,” M/A/R/R/S
A collaboration between the groups A.R. Kane and Colourbox, this group only released one single, but all it did was win the two non-U.S. jewels of the Triple Crown, take sampling to a new level, and essentially invent acid house. “One-hit wonder” doesn’t quite do it justice, does it?
36 - “Crazy Crazy Nights,” Kiss
For reasons that I cannot fathom for the life of me, Kiss’ commercial peak in Britain was during their mid-career abandonment of their iconic makeup. Their first of two Top Fives was this boilerplate hair metal track about how no one can tell them not to rock and rock as loud as fuck. They were always a corporation selling product, but this was a point when they didn’t sound like they believed in it.
35 - “The Real Thing,” Jellybean featuring Stephen Dante
The second Brit hit for producer/remixer/Madonna ex John Benitez was this dance track featuring British soul singer Dante. It’s real, but it’s not spectacular.
34 - “Darklands,” The Jesus and Mary Chain
The third hit by the first pair of Scottish Reid brothers we’ll encounter in this entry was this downbeat rocker about misery and nihilism and all that happy stuff. Not as goth sounding as I expected, and that was a pleasant surprise.
33 - “I Want to be Your Property,” Blue Mercedes
The first hit for the London duo of David Titlow and Duncan Millar was this dance-pop devotion declaration on which they claim to “want to live like Cyd Charisse.” A shout-out to a frequent cinematic dance partner of Kelly and Astaire isn’t the only thing about this that reminded me of the Pet Shop Boys. And speaking of which...
32 - “Rent,” Pet Shop Boys
Here they are with their fifth Top Ten, a cold hard look at being the kept lover of a rich person. Few pop acts could be so unblinking. That’s what makes them special.
31 - “I Don’t Need No Doctor,” W.A.S.P.
Formed in Los Angeles by New York native Steven “Blackie Lawless” Duran, these guys gained infamy when one of their songs “Animal (Fuck Like A Beast),” drew the attention of Tipper Gore and the Parents’ Music Resource Center. They sold some records in America, but here they managed eight Top 40 singles, the second being this cover of a 1966 Ray Charles hit about sexual healing. From the sounds of this, they would seem to be like Motley Crüe with a more shocking stage act. And from what I know, that’s pretty accurate.
30 - “Build,” The Housemartins
The penultimate hit for the Hull boys was this folkie number about progress. It reminds me of some of the Jam’s quieter moments, in a very good way.
29 - “The Circus,” Erasure
The dance duo’s fourth hit was this socially conscious track about technology and progress taking away good jobs. Not their typical fare, but it works. And this makes it pretty clear that when Vince Clarke was looking for a new singer, he chose Andy Bell because he sounded a lot like Clarke’s former Yaz-mate Alison Moyet.
28 - “No Memory,” Scarlet Fantastic
The only hit for the duo of Maggie de Monde and Rick P. Jones was this dance-popper about living for the moment in ways that may involve “deserts and fast motorbikes.” It’s very much of its time, but I like it.
27 - “Warm Wet Circles,” Marillion
The tenth hit for the Buckingahmshire band was also the last studio single to feature original vocalist Fish. It’s about things that make the titular shapes, from rings left by glasses on a bar, to kisses, to bullet holes. It’s all very smart and very prog, but it didn’t overwhelm me with pretentiousness.
26 - “To Be Reborn,” Boy George
Mr. O’ Dowd of the Culture Club had his fourth solo hit with this aching ballad about wanting to reunite with an old lover, if only temporarily. Again I say, there was a whole lot of substance behind the Boy’s style.
25 - “Letter From America,” The Proclaimers
Our second pair of Scottish Reid brothers, bespectacled twins Charlie and Craig became best known in America for their 1993 hit “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles).” But before then, they had a Top Five here with a folkie number about, ironically enough, the long history of Scots migrating to North America for better jobs. This is further evidence that they are masters of writing anthemic pub singalongs.
24 - “I Don’t Think That Man Should Sleep Alone,” Ray Parker Jr.
The second and final hit here for the noted Huey Lewis plagiarist was this declaration that human males were not meant to be in bed unaccompanied. Well, it’s a line, but I question its rate of effectiveness. But fair play if it worked for you, Ray.
23 - “I Started Something I Couldn’t Finish,” The Smiths
The Mancunian mopemeisters were near the end of their run when they charted with this admission of guilt of some unclear offence. Morrissey growls in a couple places, which is fun to hear. Ironically, the song does seem to end in a logical place.
22 - “Crockett’s Theme,” Jan Hammer
Two years after his theme to Miam Vice stormed the charts, Czech keyboardist Hammer picked up another hit with this instrumental inspired by Don Johnson’s character. It’s slower and more tuneful, and also hasn’t been burned into my brain, so it has that going for it.
21 - “Walk the Dinosaur,” Was (Not Was)
The biggest hit for this Detroit surrealist soul band was this infectious funk track that melds caveman imagery with modern references (the Statue of Liberty, Elvis, and...Miami Vice again). Is it an attempt to start a new dance craze, or how nuclear proliferation could cause humanity to author its own extinction? Probably both, which makes it so wonderful. Boom, boom, ackalackalacka boom!
In Part Two: Donna noshes with George and/or Ira, we get a royal tour of the capital of Catalonia, and some reptilian déjà vu.
40 - “Never Gonna Give You Up,” Rick Astley
The man from Lancashire’s S/A/W-crafted, Triple Crown-winning debut single. Long may it roll on.
39 - “So Amazing,” Luther Vandross
The smoothie’s fourth U.K. hit was this sleek bedroom ballad. If honey had a sound, it would be Luther’s voice.
38 - “Full Metal Jacket (I Wanna Be Your Drill Instructor),” Abigail Mead and Nigel Goulding
To promote Stanley Kubrick’s Vietnam War film Full Metal Jacket, his daughter Vivian, who composed the score under the pseudonym Abigail Mead, put together this track, which consists of R. Lee Ermey’s drill chants to his recruits backed by upbeat funk-pop. An odd mix, but it worked well enough to get to #2 here. And it’s an obviously an Uneasy Rider, not unlike the doomed Private Pyle in the movie. And no, I haven’t been able to learn who Nigel Goulding is or what he did on this.
37 - “Pump Up the Volume,” M/A/R/R/S
A collaboration between the groups A.R. Kane and Colourbox, this group only released one single, but all it did was win the two non-U.S. jewels of the Triple Crown, take sampling to a new level, and essentially invent acid house. “One-hit wonder” doesn’t quite do it justice, does it?
36 - “Crazy Crazy Nights,” Kiss
For reasons that I cannot fathom for the life of me, Kiss’ commercial peak in Britain was during their mid-career abandonment of their iconic makeup. Their first of two Top Fives was this boilerplate hair metal track about how no one can tell them not to rock and rock as loud as fuck. They were always a corporation selling product, but this was a point when they didn’t sound like they believed in it.
35 - “The Real Thing,” Jellybean featuring Stephen Dante
The second Brit hit for producer/remixer/Madonna ex John Benitez was this dance track featuring British soul singer Dante. It’s real, but it’s not spectacular.
34 - “Darklands,” The Jesus and Mary Chain
The third hit by the first pair of Scottish Reid brothers we’ll encounter in this entry was this downbeat rocker about misery and nihilism and all that happy stuff. Not as goth sounding as I expected, and that was a pleasant surprise.
33 - “I Want to be Your Property,” Blue Mercedes
The first hit for the London duo of David Titlow and Duncan Millar was this dance-pop devotion declaration on which they claim to “want to live like Cyd Charisse.” A shout-out to a frequent cinematic dance partner of Kelly and Astaire isn’t the only thing about this that reminded me of the Pet Shop Boys. And speaking of which...
32 - “Rent,” Pet Shop Boys
Here they are with their fifth Top Ten, a cold hard look at being the kept lover of a rich person. Few pop acts could be so unblinking. That’s what makes them special.
31 - “I Don’t Need No Doctor,” W.A.S.P.
Formed in Los Angeles by New York native Steven “Blackie Lawless” Duran, these guys gained infamy when one of their songs “Animal (Fuck Like A Beast),” drew the attention of Tipper Gore and the Parents’ Music Resource Center. They sold some records in America, but here they managed eight Top 40 singles, the second being this cover of a 1966 Ray Charles hit about sexual healing. From the sounds of this, they would seem to be like Motley Crüe with a more shocking stage act. And from what I know, that’s pretty accurate.
30 - “Build,” The Housemartins
The penultimate hit for the Hull boys was this folkie number about progress. It reminds me of some of the Jam’s quieter moments, in a very good way.
29 - “The Circus,” Erasure
The dance duo’s fourth hit was this socially conscious track about technology and progress taking away good jobs. Not their typical fare, but it works. And this makes it pretty clear that when Vince Clarke was looking for a new singer, he chose Andy Bell because he sounded a lot like Clarke’s former Yaz-mate Alison Moyet.
28 - “No Memory,” Scarlet Fantastic
The only hit for the duo of Maggie de Monde and Rick P. Jones was this dance-popper about living for the moment in ways that may involve “deserts and fast motorbikes.” It’s very much of its time, but I like it.
27 - “Warm Wet Circles,” Marillion
The tenth hit for the Buckingahmshire band was also the last studio single to feature original vocalist Fish. It’s about things that make the titular shapes, from rings left by glasses on a bar, to kisses, to bullet holes. It’s all very smart and very prog, but it didn’t overwhelm me with pretentiousness.
26 - “To Be Reborn,” Boy George
Mr. O’ Dowd of the Culture Club had his fourth solo hit with this aching ballad about wanting to reunite with an old lover, if only temporarily. Again I say, there was a whole lot of substance behind the Boy’s style.
25 - “Letter From America,” The Proclaimers
Our second pair of Scottish Reid brothers, bespectacled twins Charlie and Craig became best known in America for their 1993 hit “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles).” But before then, they had a Top Five here with a folkie number about, ironically enough, the long history of Scots migrating to North America for better jobs. This is further evidence that they are masters of writing anthemic pub singalongs.
24 - “I Don’t Think That Man Should Sleep Alone,” Ray Parker Jr.
The second and final hit here for the noted Huey Lewis plagiarist was this declaration that human males were not meant to be in bed unaccompanied. Well, it’s a line, but I question its rate of effectiveness. But fair play if it worked for you, Ray.
23 - “I Started Something I Couldn’t Finish,” The Smiths
The Mancunian mopemeisters were near the end of their run when they charted with this admission of guilt of some unclear offence. Morrissey growls in a couple places, which is fun to hear. Ironically, the song does seem to end in a logical place.
22 - “Crockett’s Theme,” Jan Hammer
Two years after his theme to Miam Vice stormed the charts, Czech keyboardist Hammer picked up another hit with this instrumental inspired by Don Johnson’s character. It’s slower and more tuneful, and also hasn’t been burned into my brain, so it has that going for it.
21 - “Walk the Dinosaur,” Was (Not Was)
The biggest hit for this Detroit surrealist soul band was this infectious funk track that melds caveman imagery with modern references (the Statue of Liberty, Elvis, and...Miami Vice again). Is it an attempt to start a new dance craze, or how nuclear proliferation could cause humanity to author its own extinction? Probably both, which makes it so wonderful. Boom, boom, ackalackalacka boom!
In Part Two: Donna noshes with George and/or Ira, we get a royal tour of the capital of Catalonia, and some reptilian déjà vu.
Wednesday, November 28, 2018
An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 November 8, 1975 Part Two
Last 20.
20 - “Island Girl,” Elton John
Sir Elton’s tale of wanting to emancipate a very tall Jamaican prostitute only got to #14, but was his fifth American charttopper. It’s surprising to learn how much less successful he was at home during this period. Not that he was hurting, I’m sure.
19 - “Scotch on the Rocks,” Band of the Black Watch
Following in the footsteps of the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards, this group of pipers and drummers from a Scottish military regiment had a hit with this rousing instrumental. Apparently, the album of the same name included a version of “Paloma Blanca.” I’m certain it’s better than Jonathan King’s.
18 - “Hold Me Close,” David Essex
Dave’s second and last #1 (and no, the other one wasn’t “Rock On”) was this pleasant enough pop love song. This one, I can stand.
17 - “Fly High,” John Miles
The Jarrowman’s first hit was this Wings-ish rocker about someone whose days in the fast lane are over. It gets pretty far off the ground. Proficient 70s Britrock.
16 - “Ride a White Horse,” Dee Clark
We encountered early rock/soul star Delectus Clark when we visited 1961, when the Arkansan had his biggest American hit, “Raindrops.” Here, seemingly out of nowhere, he had his first U.K. hit in 16 years with this bit of R&B/disco offering his love to anyone who can tame him. Great stuff. This vein of chart music never ceases to yield gems.
15 - “New York Groove,” Hello
The second and last hit by these glammers is more familiar to North American listeners through Ace Frehley’s 1978 cover. The original is very similar, but the harmonica and the more British pronunciation of certain words make it different. Both versions have considerable charms.
14 - “I Ain’t Lyin’,” George McCrae
The penultimate hit for the Florida disco-soulster was this more KC-created dance floor accompaniment. Truly very good.
13 - “Love Hurts,” Jim Capaldi
The Worcestershireman who co-founded Traffic with Steve Winwood had his biggest hit here with this disco-lite version of the Everly Brothers song that Nazareth famously covered that same year. I like that one much better. This one doesn’t get the pain across.
12 - “Don’t Play Your Rock n’Roll to Me,” Smokie
This was their second hit, and it’s from back when they still spelled their name “Smokey.” It’s pop-rock about a couple who aren’t making beautiful music together anymore. Chris Norman’s rasp is well-suited to this. Possibly the favourite of what I’ve heard from them.
11 - “There Goes My First Love,” The Drifters
Another hit from the doo-woo vets’ 70s run. Basic soul about having an ex stolen by your bestie. Not moved by this, but happy for their success.
There are ten left.
10 - “Blue Guitar,” Justin Hayward and John Lodge
During a hiatus for The Moody Blues, singer-guitarist Hayward and Lodge combined on an album called Blue Jays, which spawned this hit. It’s dreamy, heavily-orchestrated prog that sounds exactly like their band. Nice enough.
9 - “D-I-V-O-R-C-E,” Billy Connolly
The Scottish comic had a #1 with a comedic parody of Tammy Wynette’s tearjerker about the breakup of a marriage. In this case, the split is caused by taking a disruptive dog to the vet. F-U-N-N-Y.
8 - “Feelings,” Morris Albert
The Brazilian’s smooth cliche. Whoa whoa whoa no.
7 - “S.O.S.,” ABBA
The Swedes’ second Top Ten was this declaration that only love is their lifeline. Still one of the shiniest examples of their popcraft.
6 - “What a Difference a Day Makes,” Esther Phillips
The Texas soul lady’s one Brit hit was this disco cover of the pop standard about how 24 little hours can change everything. The arrangement is pure cheese, but Esther’s voice is bracing hot sauce.
5 - “Hold Back the Night,” The Trammps
Pre-“Disco Inferno,” these Philadelphians hit big here with this peppy soul love song. It might start a different kind of fire. Squeeze it, it’s all right.
4 - “Rhinestone Cowboy,” Glen Campbell
The country legend missed a Triple Crown by this much. The theme of trying to keep positive and do what you need to do to get ahead and timeless, and has very rarely been expressed more effectively for catchily than this.
3 - “I Only Have Eyes for You,” Art Garfunkel
The first of two #1s for Paul’s (sometime) pal was this song that was originally written for the 1934 movie Dames, and was a hit in 1959 for doo-woppers The Flamingos. Art’s version is languid and smooth, but I only have ears for the Flamingos’ take.
2 - “Love is the Drug,” Roxy Music
The Roxys scored their biggest hit to date with this amazing bits of sophistifunk about the urgency of a young man on the make. This was one of the early mission statements of disco, and it still thrills. Catch that buzz.
And the one 43 years ago was...
1 - “Space Oddity,” David Bowie
The tale of poor doomed Major Tom had been Bowie’s second hit six years earlier, then became his first #1 on its reissue. It’s still the best collision between rock and space travel ever.
It’ll be Britain again next time. See you then.
20 - “Island Girl,” Elton John
Sir Elton’s tale of wanting to emancipate a very tall Jamaican prostitute only got to #14, but was his fifth American charttopper. It’s surprising to learn how much less successful he was at home during this period. Not that he was hurting, I’m sure.
19 - “Scotch on the Rocks,” Band of the Black Watch
Following in the footsteps of the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards, this group of pipers and drummers from a Scottish military regiment had a hit with this rousing instrumental. Apparently, the album of the same name included a version of “Paloma Blanca.” I’m certain it’s better than Jonathan King’s.
18 - “Hold Me Close,” David Essex
Dave’s second and last #1 (and no, the other one wasn’t “Rock On”) was this pleasant enough pop love song. This one, I can stand.
17 - “Fly High,” John Miles
The Jarrowman’s first hit was this Wings-ish rocker about someone whose days in the fast lane are over. It gets pretty far off the ground. Proficient 70s Britrock.
16 - “Ride a White Horse,” Dee Clark
We encountered early rock/soul star Delectus Clark when we visited 1961, when the Arkansan had his biggest American hit, “Raindrops.” Here, seemingly out of nowhere, he had his first U.K. hit in 16 years with this bit of R&B/disco offering his love to anyone who can tame him. Great stuff. This vein of chart music never ceases to yield gems.
15 - “New York Groove,” Hello
The second and last hit by these glammers is more familiar to North American listeners through Ace Frehley’s 1978 cover. The original is very similar, but the harmonica and the more British pronunciation of certain words make it different. Both versions have considerable charms.
14 - “I Ain’t Lyin’,” George McCrae
The penultimate hit for the Florida disco-soulster was this more KC-created dance floor accompaniment. Truly very good.
13 - “Love Hurts,” Jim Capaldi
The Worcestershireman who co-founded Traffic with Steve Winwood had his biggest hit here with this disco-lite version of the Everly Brothers song that Nazareth famously covered that same year. I like that one much better. This one doesn’t get the pain across.
12 - “Don’t Play Your Rock n’Roll to Me,” Smokie
This was their second hit, and it’s from back when they still spelled their name “Smokey.” It’s pop-rock about a couple who aren’t making beautiful music together anymore. Chris Norman’s rasp is well-suited to this. Possibly the favourite of what I’ve heard from them.
11 - “There Goes My First Love,” The Drifters
Another hit from the doo-woo vets’ 70s run. Basic soul about having an ex stolen by your bestie. Not moved by this, but happy for their success.
There are ten left.
10 - “Blue Guitar,” Justin Hayward and John Lodge
During a hiatus for The Moody Blues, singer-guitarist Hayward and Lodge combined on an album called Blue Jays, which spawned this hit. It’s dreamy, heavily-orchestrated prog that sounds exactly like their band. Nice enough.
9 - “D-I-V-O-R-C-E,” Billy Connolly
The Scottish comic had a #1 with a comedic parody of Tammy Wynette’s tearjerker about the breakup of a marriage. In this case, the split is caused by taking a disruptive dog to the vet. F-U-N-N-Y.
8 - “Feelings,” Morris Albert
The Brazilian’s smooth cliche. Whoa whoa whoa no.
7 - “S.O.S.,” ABBA
The Swedes’ second Top Ten was this declaration that only love is their lifeline. Still one of the shiniest examples of their popcraft.
6 - “What a Difference a Day Makes,” Esther Phillips
The Texas soul lady’s one Brit hit was this disco cover of the pop standard about how 24 little hours can change everything. The arrangement is pure cheese, but Esther’s voice is bracing hot sauce.
5 - “Hold Back the Night,” The Trammps
Pre-“Disco Inferno,” these Philadelphians hit big here with this peppy soul love song. It might start a different kind of fire. Squeeze it, it’s all right.
4 - “Rhinestone Cowboy,” Glen Campbell
The country legend missed a Triple Crown by this much. The theme of trying to keep positive and do what you need to do to get ahead and timeless, and has very rarely been expressed more effectively for catchily than this.
3 - “I Only Have Eyes for You,” Art Garfunkel
The first of two #1s for Paul’s (sometime) pal was this song that was originally written for the 1934 movie Dames, and was a hit in 1959 for doo-woppers The Flamingos. Art’s version is languid and smooth, but I only have ears for the Flamingos’ take.
2 - “Love is the Drug,” Roxy Music
The Roxys scored their biggest hit to date with this amazing bits of sophistifunk about the urgency of a young man on the make. This was one of the early mission statements of disco, and it still thrills. Catch that buzz.
And the one 43 years ago was...
1 - “Space Oddity,” David Bowie
The tale of poor doomed Major Tom had been Bowie’s second hit six years earlier, then became his first #1 on its reissue. It’s still the best collision between rock and space travel ever.
It’ll be Britain again next time. See you then.
Friday, November 23, 2018
An Old Man Abroad: November 8, 1975 Part One
November 1975. On the 6th, a group called the Sex Pistols played their first gig at London’s St. Martin’s Art College. They did three covers before the band they were opening for, Bazooka Joe, pulled the plug on them. However, one member of Bazooka Joe liked the Pistols’ performance, and as a result soon left the band. That member was a bass player who would later be known as...Adam Ant. Meanwhile, on a blissfully ignorant British music scene...
40 - “Change with the Times,” Van McCoy
The man behind “The Hustle,” with more disco funk, but this time there’s lyrics! And they’re about being adaptable and open minded. Good solid dance floor fodder.
39 - “Are You Being Served, Sir,” John Inman
Inman was an actor who gained his greatest fame as Mr. Humphries, an exaggeratedly “camp” menswear salesman at a department store, on the sitcom Are You Being Served? This led to this single, a cabaret number laced with innuendo and naughty rhymes being pre-emoted. It’s silly, it’s dated, and it has what it takes to bring about the return of the Uneasy Rider.
38 - “You Sexy Thing,” Hot Chocolate
Still their best known song. It’s still great, in spite of it becoming a cliche. That didn’t seem possible, but I believe in miracles.
37 - “This Will Be,” Natalie Cole
Princess Cole scraped into the Top 40 here with her U.S. Top Ten debut. I’m not hooked by its jaunty jazziness, but I still think she shouldn’t have had to wait thirteen years for another hit here.
36 - “Paloma Blanca,” George Baker Selection
The Dutch group’s weird bit of schlager-pop about a farmer dreaming of the freedom that birds have. It tricks me into liking it. I’m not sure how. But I’ll be facing off with it again sooner than you think.
35 - “Dreamy Lady,” T. Rex
From the down side of the Rex’s career comes this love song with reggae and disco influences. And Bolan almost croons. It brings to mind that great British phrase “lost the plot.”
34 - “Lyin’ Eyes,” Eagles
This country tune about young women who cheat on their rich old husbands was their second hit here. This is the Glenn Frey I can tolerate.
33 - “Darlin’,” David Cassidy
The last hit of Keith Partridge’s big 70s run was a cover of a 1967 Beach Boys hit. Bruce Johnston even co-produces and plays on it. It’s not a bad effort to try and grow out of teeny-bop, but it was too late.
32 - “Big Ten,” Judge Dread
More naughty reggae from Alex Hughes. A little tame by his standards. And I question the accuracy of his account of what knights did with telegraph poles.
31 - “Supership,” George “Bad” Benson
The jazz guitarist’s first U.K. hit came with a superfluous nickname, but it brought enough funk to make me want to sail on this vessel. Board the Love Train upon reaching shore, and that’s a fine soul travel experience.
30 - “Right Back Where We Started From,” Maxine Nightingale
The international breakthrough for the woman from Wembley. It split the difference between disco and Northern Soul, and the result is glorious.
29 - “No Woman No Cry,” Bob Marley and the Wailers
Marley’s first hit single was this live-in-London version of a song that first appeared on the 1974 LP Natty Dread. It’s a passionate promise that hard times will pass. It’s a song that makes clear the through line between American blues and Jamaican reggae.
28 - “L-L-Lucy,” Mud
Their ninth Top Ten was this speed-glam warning to a fast-living lady. It’s catchy, breakneck rock with pop sheen, and for some reason, that’s one of my sweet spots.
27 - “Una Paloma Blanca,” Jonathan King
This creepy popportunist’s version of this was a bigger hit than the George Baker original. Inferior in every way. If this was the only take available, I wouldn’t like the song at all.
26- “Sky High,” Jigsaw
The big hit by this Coventry combo has the feel of a song that could be theme to a film that tried to combine a Bond-style spy story with Hong Kong martial arts. And conveniently enough it was. Won’t see the movie, but the version of it this evokes is good enough for me.
25 - “Imagine,” John Lennon
The secular hymn reached #6 after being finally being released as a single here, four years after appearing on the album of the same name. It’s a beautiful song of faith, even if that faith is in humanity rather than a spiritual being.
24 - “Who Loves You,” The Four Seasons
I’m not much for the Jersey Boys’ mid-70s output, but this is the best of the bunch. It sounds like them, and the modern production enhances rather than interferes.
23 - “Rock on Brother,” Chequers
Led by Aylesbury Brothers John and Richard Mathias, this band’s only significant hit was this instrumental combining funk, disco, and Philly soul influences. Good strutting music. Track it down.
22 - “Funky Moped/Magic Roundabout,” Jasper Carrott
The Birmingham-born comedian born Robert Davis had a Top Five hit with this double-sided single.. The A is a tale of a boy who swears he will win back his biker-loving object of affection once his motorized bicycle is fixed. It was produced by none other than ELO’s Jeff Lynne. The B is a standup comedy bit naughtily spoofing a popular children’s stop-motion animated series. I don’t know the show, so I don’t get it. But obviously it also deserves an Uneasy Rider.
21 - “It’s Time for Love,” The Chi-Lites
Two years after their last home pop Top 40, the Chicago soul outfit could still rack the Top Five here with another example of their sublime romantic balladry.
In Part Two: greeting, spelling, and a stiff drink.
40 - “Change with the Times,” Van McCoy
The man behind “The Hustle,” with more disco funk, but this time there’s lyrics! And they’re about being adaptable and open minded. Good solid dance floor fodder.
39 - “Are You Being Served, Sir,” John Inman
Inman was an actor who gained his greatest fame as Mr. Humphries, an exaggeratedly “camp” menswear salesman at a department store, on the sitcom Are You Being Served? This led to this single, a cabaret number laced with innuendo and naughty rhymes being pre-emoted. It’s silly, it’s dated, and it has what it takes to bring about the return of the Uneasy Rider.
38 - “You Sexy Thing,” Hot Chocolate
Still their best known song. It’s still great, in spite of it becoming a cliche. That didn’t seem possible, but I believe in miracles.
37 - “This Will Be,” Natalie Cole
Princess Cole scraped into the Top 40 here with her U.S. Top Ten debut. I’m not hooked by its jaunty jazziness, but I still think she shouldn’t have had to wait thirteen years for another hit here.
36 - “Paloma Blanca,” George Baker Selection
The Dutch group’s weird bit of schlager-pop about a farmer dreaming of the freedom that birds have. It tricks me into liking it. I’m not sure how. But I’ll be facing off with it again sooner than you think.
35 - “Dreamy Lady,” T. Rex
From the down side of the Rex’s career comes this love song with reggae and disco influences. And Bolan almost croons. It brings to mind that great British phrase “lost the plot.”
34 - “Lyin’ Eyes,” Eagles
This country tune about young women who cheat on their rich old husbands was their second hit here. This is the Glenn Frey I can tolerate.
33 - “Darlin’,” David Cassidy
The last hit of Keith Partridge’s big 70s run was a cover of a 1967 Beach Boys hit. Bruce Johnston even co-produces and plays on it. It’s not a bad effort to try and grow out of teeny-bop, but it was too late.
32 - “Big Ten,” Judge Dread
More naughty reggae from Alex Hughes. A little tame by his standards. And I question the accuracy of his account of what knights did with telegraph poles.
31 - “Supership,” George “Bad” Benson
The jazz guitarist’s first U.K. hit came with a superfluous nickname, but it brought enough funk to make me want to sail on this vessel. Board the Love Train upon reaching shore, and that’s a fine soul travel experience.
30 - “Right Back Where We Started From,” Maxine Nightingale
The international breakthrough for the woman from Wembley. It split the difference between disco and Northern Soul, and the result is glorious.
29 - “No Woman No Cry,” Bob Marley and the Wailers
Marley’s first hit single was this live-in-London version of a song that first appeared on the 1974 LP Natty Dread. It’s a passionate promise that hard times will pass. It’s a song that makes clear the through line between American blues and Jamaican reggae.
28 - “L-L-Lucy,” Mud
Their ninth Top Ten was this speed-glam warning to a fast-living lady. It’s catchy, breakneck rock with pop sheen, and for some reason, that’s one of my sweet spots.
27 - “Una Paloma Blanca,” Jonathan King
This creepy popportunist’s version of this was a bigger hit than the George Baker original. Inferior in every way. If this was the only take available, I wouldn’t like the song at all.
26- “Sky High,” Jigsaw
The big hit by this Coventry combo has the feel of a song that could be theme to a film that tried to combine a Bond-style spy story with Hong Kong martial arts. And conveniently enough it was. Won’t see the movie, but the version of it this evokes is good enough for me.
25 - “Imagine,” John Lennon
The secular hymn reached #6 after being finally being released as a single here, four years after appearing on the album of the same name. It’s a beautiful song of faith, even if that faith is in humanity rather than a spiritual being.
24 - “Who Loves You,” The Four Seasons
I’m not much for the Jersey Boys’ mid-70s output, but this is the best of the bunch. It sounds like them, and the modern production enhances rather than interferes.
23 - “Rock on Brother,” Chequers
Led by Aylesbury Brothers John and Richard Mathias, this band’s only significant hit was this instrumental combining funk, disco, and Philly soul influences. Good strutting music. Track it down.
22 - “Funky Moped/Magic Roundabout,” Jasper Carrott
The Birmingham-born comedian born Robert Davis had a Top Five hit with this double-sided single.. The A is a tale of a boy who swears he will win back his biker-loving object of affection once his motorized bicycle is fixed. It was produced by none other than ELO’s Jeff Lynne. The B is a standup comedy bit naughtily spoofing a popular children’s stop-motion animated series. I don’t know the show, so I don’t get it. But obviously it also deserves an Uneasy Rider.
21 - “It’s Time for Love,” The Chi-Lites
Two years after their last home pop Top 40, the Chicago soul outfit could still rack the Top Five here with another example of their sublime romantic balladry.
In Part Two: greeting, spelling, and a stiff drink.
Tuesday, November 20, 2018
An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 October 28, 1989 Part Two
The top half.
20 - “You Keep it All In, “ The Beautiful South
20 - “You Keep it All In, “ The Beautiful South
The Housemartins’ offshoot had their first hit with this deceptively sprightly number about repressing impulses, fears and memories. The kind of pop that does great in Britain but doesn’t find much of an audience elsewhere, which is a shame.
19 - “Don’t Make Me Over,” Sybil
The first of American Sybil Lynch’s two hit dance covers of Burt Bacharach compositions. In spite of the bells and whistles, the song is the star.
18 - “Sweet Surrender,” Wet Wet Wet
The sixth hit for the drenched Scots was this ballad about missing an ex you thought was the one. Well-sung but boring.
17 - “I Thank You,” Adeva
The fourth Brit hit for New Jersey dance diva Patricia Daniels was this grateful house track. Her voice is distinctive enough to hold your attention through the unremarkable beats.
16 - “Eye Know,” De La Soul
This trio from the infamous New York town of Amityville came on the scene bringing a trippier, jazzier sound to hip-hop. Their third hit epitomizes this, with laid-back rhymes delivered over samples of “Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay,” and Steely Dan’s “Peg.” It still sounds as joyous and fresh as it did then.
15 - “I Feel the Earth Move,” Martika
The second hit by Californian Marta Marrero was this dance-rock cover of a 1971 Carole King hit. Too candy-coloured in comparison to the mature sexuality of the original.
14 - “I Want That Man,” Deborah Harry
The Blondie frontwoman had her third hit with sassy, strutting rock knowing what her heart desires, which apparently incleudes actor Harry Dean Stanton. Debbie is just the diva of all time. Love love love her.
13 - “All Around the World,” Lisa Stansfield
This Mancunian soulstress had her breakout solo hit with this breathy chronicle of her ongoing search for her beloved. #1 here and in six other countries, and #3 in North America. So the song did its share of globetrotting as well.
12 - “The Road to Hell,” Chris Rea
The Middlesbrough veteran’s only Top Ten was this gritty, downcast blues-rocker about how the modern world is dooming us. Depressing, but a good song nonetheless.
11 - “Wishing on a Star,” Fresh 4
A breakbeat cover of Rose Royce’s 1978 hit, sung by a cold, accented female voice and featuring a disinterested-sounding rap. I don’t get it, but at least it’s not a copy of the original.
Scaramouche, will you do the Top Tengo?
Scaramouche, will you do the Top Tengo?
10 - “If Only I Could,” Sydney Youngblood
The biggest hit for this American-German singer was this dance plea for world peace. His voice is interesting enough to carry me through it.
9 - “We Didn’t Start the Fire,” Billy Joel
Billy’s history list only got to #7. I guess his shoutouts to “British Beatlemania” and “British politician sex” weren’t enough. It’s still remarkable to me that pretty much nothing happened between 1963 and 1979. That seems unlikely.
8 - “Pump Up the Jam,” Technotronic
The track that made house friendly for the North American mainstream on its way to a Triple Top Five. Making “stomping” rhyme with “pumping” may be one of Belgium’s greatest achievements as a nation. Probably not, but maybe.
7 - “Room in Your Heart,” Living in a Box
The Manchester band’s biggest non-eponymous hit was this ballad about finding love. Okay for slow dances and private romances, but I’m not sure why you would need to hear it outside of those contexts.
6 - “If I Could Turn Back Time,” Cher
Sonny’s ex gives in to Diane Warren’s begging and records this power ballad, does a video with her ass hanging out on a Navy battleship, success ensues. Simple, really.
5 - “Ride on Time,” Black Box
The first hit and only #1 for this Italodance machine was soul shouting over house beats. Much better than this sounds. And this was before they started ripping off Martha Wash.
4 - “Leave a Light On,” Belinda Carlisle
The once and future Go-Go, with a dance-rocker pledging that she will always return to her lover. George Harrison shows up to do a sweet slide guitar solo. Her solo stuff has grown on me over the years.
3 - “Street Tuff,” Rebel MC and Double Trouble
Islington rapper Michael West had his biggest hit alongside his producer friends with this track. Decent beats, boastful rhymes, pretty good.
2 - “Girl I’m Gonna Miss You,” Milli Vanilli
Britain denies the lip-syncers a Triple Crown, but at least this sapfest was their biggest hit. Sadly, it really would be a tragedy for them to see the Dream was over.
Britain denies the lip-syncers a Triple Crown, but at least this sapfest was their biggest hit. Sadly, it really would be a tragedy for them to see the Dream was over.
And on top back then was...
1 - “That’s What I Like,” Jive Bunny and the Mastermixers
These guys again, with their second straight #1. The victims this time include Chubby Checker, Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, and the theme from Hawaii Five-0. Creative bankruptcy at its finest.
Back to Britain next time. Cheers till then.
These guys again, with their second straight #1. The victims this time include Chubby Checker, Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, and the theme from Hawaii Five-0. Creative bankruptcy at its finest.
Back to Britain next time. Cheers till then.
Wednesday, November 14, 2018
An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 October 29, 1989 Part One
Mid-autumn, 1989. Iconic British carmaker Jaguar is purchased by Ford. A U.K. company in the hands of a former colony. And now it’s owned by Tata Motors, based in India. The Empire is truly dead, isn’t it? But there’s always the charts.
40 - “The Message is Love,” Arthur Baker and Al Green
Boston-born producer/remixer Baker teamed up with Reverend Green for this midtempo soul outing about how kindness and caring can heal the world. Okay song, but with Al singing, it becomes something great.
39 - “Take Care of Yourself,” Level 42
The bonus track from a greatest hits album. A more spirited than normal funk tune about looking out for number one. It only got this high, which is a shame. I would have rather they had been rewarded for stepping out of their comfort zone.
38 - “The Time Warp,” Damian
Mancunian Damian Davey had his only hit with a dance-pop cover of the classic number from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Not the worst idea, and it’s pretty well-executed. Damian’s snotty delivery works well, and the rapped step instructions weave in well. Still, there’s no replacing the original for inspiring madness-inducing pelvic thrusts.
37 - “The Sun Rising,” The Beloved
The first hit for this London outfit was this spacey house tune featuring a sample of a song written by the 12th century nun/composer/theologian St. Hildegard of Bingen. Some nice calming sounds to start your day with.
36 - “Chocolate Box,” Bros
The seventh Top Ten for the Goss twins was this tune about not wanting to be just one of many lovers. A lot of sweets are used as metaphors here. To me, this is more like Thrills, the purple gum whose box proudly declares “It still tastes like soap!” Somebody must buy it, but why?
35 - “Oye Mi Canto (Hear My Voice),” Gloria Estefan
The recently solo-billed Miami star returns to her Latin roots with this mambo about wanting to be respected. Nice to hear her stepping out of homogenized pop for a bit.
34 - “I Can’t Forget You,” Sonia
This Liverpudlian’s second hit is basic Stock/Aitken/Waterman product. She’s no Kylie, so it doesn’t matter now.
33 - “Swing the Mood,” Jive Bunny and the Mastermixers
The first of three medlery hits masterminded by Yorkshireman Les Hemstock and the father/son team of John and Andrew Pickles string together oldies by Glenn Miller, Elvis, the Everly Brothers, Little Richard, and more. It almost makes me long for Stars on 45. Almost.
32 - “State of Mind,” Fish
The first solo hit for former Marillion singer Derek Dick was this proggy pop song about fear and paranoia. He comes off like a second-rate Peter Gabriel here.
31 - “Never Too Much,” Luther Vandross
A remix of Luther’s debut single. The update was unnecessary, but giving more exposure to that voice cannot be criticized, er, too much.
30 - “Right Here Waiting,” Richard Marx
The Chicagoan’s blerggh ballad missed a Triple Crown by one British chart position. Arguably the most important triumph over Marxism in history.
29 - “The Real Wild House,” Raul Orellana
House en España from a Spanish DJ, with a lot of flamenco touches and an Iggy Pop sample. A cool little twist on the genre.
28 - “Oh Well,” Oh Well
This group’s only hit was this dance/rap cover of a 1969 hit by the early incarnation of Fleetwood Mac. This time the random sample is Moon Unit Zappa from her dad’s hit “Valley Girl.” Dumb fun.
27 - “Drama!” Erasure
The dance duo’s ninth hit was this anthemic call-out of someone who is wrapped up in shame and loathing. One of my favourites of theirs.
26 - “Love on a Mountain Top,” Sinitta
Ms. Malone’s seventh hit was a dance cover of Robert Knight’s Northern Soul hit. A tiny anthill.
25 - “Scandal,” Queen
Their 34th hit was this midtempo rocker about intrusive press, inspired by coverage of Brian May’s love life and speculation about Freddie Mercury’s health. Okay, but in the lower tier of their singles. And thanks to Bohemian Rhapsody, they’re suddenly the hottest rock band in the world, 29 years later. That’s half testament to their greatness, half sad commentary on the current state of rock.
24 - “The Best,” Tina Turner
This now-cliched anthem was first recorded by Bonnie Tyler. I’m sure she did well with it. Maybe not as good as Tina did, but the dream would be to hear them duet on it. I can picture heads exploding under the force of the intensity.
23 - “C’mon and Get My Love,” D-Mob with Cathy Dennis
The third hit for producer Daniel “Dancin’ Danny D” Poku was this catchy bit of house-pop that launched Dennis toward a solo career. I’m glad I came and got it.
22 - “Name and Number,” Curiosity Killed the Cat
The fourth hit by these Londoners was this loosey-goosey jazz-funk groove about trying to get hold of a lover. Another surprise gem.
21 - “Lean on You,” Cliff Richard
We can’t escape Sir Cliff for long, can we? This devotion ballad sounded like the times, but isn’t interesting enough that it would have been a definite hit by someone else. But Cliff probably guaranteed some spins on Radio 1 and a couple appearances on Top of the Pops, and presto, Top Twenty.
In Part Two: time, fire, and thoroughfares.
40 - “The Message is Love,” Arthur Baker and Al Green
Boston-born producer/remixer Baker teamed up with Reverend Green for this midtempo soul outing about how kindness and caring can heal the world. Okay song, but with Al singing, it becomes something great.
39 - “Take Care of Yourself,” Level 42
The bonus track from a greatest hits album. A more spirited than normal funk tune about looking out for number one. It only got this high, which is a shame. I would have rather they had been rewarded for stepping out of their comfort zone.
38 - “The Time Warp,” Damian
Mancunian Damian Davey had his only hit with a dance-pop cover of the classic number from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Not the worst idea, and it’s pretty well-executed. Damian’s snotty delivery works well, and the rapped step instructions weave in well. Still, there’s no replacing the original for inspiring madness-inducing pelvic thrusts.
37 - “The Sun Rising,” The Beloved
The first hit for this London outfit was this spacey house tune featuring a sample of a song written by the 12th century nun/composer/theologian St. Hildegard of Bingen. Some nice calming sounds to start your day with.
36 - “Chocolate Box,” Bros
The seventh Top Ten for the Goss twins was this tune about not wanting to be just one of many lovers. A lot of sweets are used as metaphors here. To me, this is more like Thrills, the purple gum whose box proudly declares “It still tastes like soap!” Somebody must buy it, but why?
35 - “Oye Mi Canto (Hear My Voice),” Gloria Estefan
The recently solo-billed Miami star returns to her Latin roots with this mambo about wanting to be respected. Nice to hear her stepping out of homogenized pop for a bit.
34 - “I Can’t Forget You,” Sonia
This Liverpudlian’s second hit is basic Stock/Aitken/Waterman product. She’s no Kylie, so it doesn’t matter now.
33 - “Swing the Mood,” Jive Bunny and the Mastermixers
The first of three medlery hits masterminded by Yorkshireman Les Hemstock and the father/son team of John and Andrew Pickles string together oldies by Glenn Miller, Elvis, the Everly Brothers, Little Richard, and more. It almost makes me long for Stars on 45. Almost.
32 - “State of Mind,” Fish
The first solo hit for former Marillion singer Derek Dick was this proggy pop song about fear and paranoia. He comes off like a second-rate Peter Gabriel here.
31 - “Never Too Much,” Luther Vandross
A remix of Luther’s debut single. The update was unnecessary, but giving more exposure to that voice cannot be criticized, er, too much.
30 - “Right Here Waiting,” Richard Marx
The Chicagoan’s blerggh ballad missed a Triple Crown by one British chart position. Arguably the most important triumph over Marxism in history.
29 - “The Real Wild House,” Raul Orellana
House en España from a Spanish DJ, with a lot of flamenco touches and an Iggy Pop sample. A cool little twist on the genre.
28 - “Oh Well,” Oh Well
This group’s only hit was this dance/rap cover of a 1969 hit by the early incarnation of Fleetwood Mac. This time the random sample is Moon Unit Zappa from her dad’s hit “Valley Girl.” Dumb fun.
27 - “Drama!” Erasure
The dance duo’s ninth hit was this anthemic call-out of someone who is wrapped up in shame and loathing. One of my favourites of theirs.
26 - “Love on a Mountain Top,” Sinitta
Ms. Malone’s seventh hit was a dance cover of Robert Knight’s Northern Soul hit. A tiny anthill.
25 - “Scandal,” Queen
Their 34th hit was this midtempo rocker about intrusive press, inspired by coverage of Brian May’s love life and speculation about Freddie Mercury’s health. Okay, but in the lower tier of their singles. And thanks to Bohemian Rhapsody, they’re suddenly the hottest rock band in the world, 29 years later. That’s half testament to their greatness, half sad commentary on the current state of rock.
24 - “The Best,” Tina Turner
This now-cliched anthem was first recorded by Bonnie Tyler. I’m sure she did well with it. Maybe not as good as Tina did, but the dream would be to hear them duet on it. I can picture heads exploding under the force of the intensity.
23 - “C’mon and Get My Love,” D-Mob with Cathy Dennis
The third hit for producer Daniel “Dancin’ Danny D” Poku was this catchy bit of house-pop that launched Dennis toward a solo career. I’m glad I came and got it.
22 - “Name and Number,” Curiosity Killed the Cat
The fourth hit by these Londoners was this loosey-goosey jazz-funk groove about trying to get hold of a lover. Another surprise gem.
21 - “Lean on You,” Cliff Richard
We can’t escape Sir Cliff for long, can we? This devotion ballad sounded like the times, but isn’t interesting enough that it would have been a definite hit by someone else. But Cliff probably guaranteed some spins on Radio 1 and a couple appearances on Top of the Pops, and presto, Top Twenty.
In Part Two: time, fire, and thoroughfares.
Friday, November 9, 2018
The Old Man’s Ultimate 70s AT40 Uneasy Rider Tournament: Round One, Part 8
And finally we have the last bracket of the first round. The theme of this one is story songs. It’s a battle of bite-sized audio documentaries. Let’s get started.
THE NIGHT JOB WHERE YOU MEET INTERESTING PEOPLE BOWL
“Taxi,” Harry Chapin, 1972
vs. “Piano Man,” Billy Joel, 1974
Two tales of working men. Brooklyn folkie Chapin made it to #24 with a story about a San Francisco cabbie who picks up an old lover one night, and how the two reflect on how their lives didn’t turn out how they had planned. Meanwhile, Bronx native Joel reached #25 with his breakthrough single, which was based on his experiences tickling the ivories at a Los Angeles bar.
Final Score: Piano 28, Taxi 17. Billy’s boys were just happier to be there, not mourning lost loves or failed dreams of being a pilot. Plus they got a great performance from Davy, who’s still in the Navy. The raucous celebration of their victory is still going on.
THE OLD MEN AND THEIR STORIES BOWL
“Mr. Bojangles,” The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, 1971
vs. “The Gambler,” Kenny Rogers, 1979
Two songs that take the form of younger men recalling meetings they had with interesting elders. First, a California country-rock band got to #9 with a song about meeting a homeless tap dancer in a New Orleans jail cell. Then, Rogers hit #16 by recounting a fictional meeting between himself and an elderly cardsharp.
Final Score: Bojangles 38, Gambler 13. In a battle of fancy footwork versus calculated risk taking, the Bojangles danced away with a comfortable win. Even when you know when to hold them and when to fold them, the cards don’t always go your way.
THE REAL LIFE MASS DEATH BOWL
“The Battle Hymn If Lt. Calley,” C Company featuring Terry Nelson, 1971
vs. “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald,” Gordon Lightfoot, 1976
Two songs inspired by headline-making tragedies. Alabama disc jockey Nelson and a group of studio musicians hit #37 with a patriotic-sounding defence of William Calley, the only American soldier convicted in the 1968 massacre of unarmed Vietnamese civilians at My Lai. Meanwhile, Canadian troubadour Lightfoot had a #2 with his epic about the 1975 sinking of a freight ship in Lake Superior.
Final Score: Hymn 51, Wreck 19. Though it was played in the gales of November, the Edmund Fitzgerald crew were thoroughly dominated by the all-out, anything-for-victory attitude of C Company. They are a dangerous team in more ways than one.
THE OLD-TIMEY WAR STORIES BOWL
“The Last Farewell,” Roger Whittaker, 1975
vs. “Fernando,” ABBA, 1976
Two songs that evoke images of the days when armed conflict was very low-tech. British folksinger Whittaker got to #19 with a song about a sailor leaving his lover to go fight in some nonspecific battle. Then, Sweden’s finest hit #13 with a tune about two Mexican soldiers reminiscing about the war for Texas independence.
Final Score: Fernando 10, Farewell 3. A defensive struggle, but in a game played under bright stars, there was something in the air that allowed the close-knit ABBA team to get the victory. Farewell, Mr. Whittaker.
THE CORPORATE NAMECHECK BOWL
“Kodachrome,” Paul Simon, 1973
vs. “One Piece at a Time,” Johnny Cash, 1976
Two songs that provided free advertising for famous brands. Rhymin’ Simon went to #2 with a song about looking back on the past through photos taken with a Nikon on Kodak film. Then, the Man in Black reached #29 with a record about a General Motors autoworker who puts together a Cadillac out of parts he smuggled out of the plant over a period of 20-plus years.
Final Score: Piece 24, Kodachrome 10. It took Cash a long time to assemble his squad, and they didn’t necessarily appear to be a unit that would work together cohesively, but they formed a finely-tuned machine that drove to a win. Simon was disappointed with the loss, but he did take a nice team picture of his players to remember them by.
THE CLEDUS “SNOWMAN” SNOW BOWL
“Amos Moses,” Jerry Reed, 1971
vs. “When You’re Hot, You’re Hot,” Jerry Reed, 1971
A battle of two slabs of country-funk from actor/singer/Burt Reynolds sidekick Reed. First, he hit #8 with the story of a Louisiana boy famous for his ability to catch alligators in spite of only having one arm. Then, he got to #9 with a song about a gambler whose on a hot streak at craps until the local sheriff breaks up the game.
Final Score: Moses 42, Hot 21. The Hot boys were on a roll for most of the first half, going ahead 7-0, then 14-0, then 21-0. But late in the second quarter, they got called for a costly illegal procedure penalty, and after that, nothing went their way, and the brute strength and cunning of Moses romped from there.
THE SMOOTH SOUTHERN SEDUCTION BOWL
“Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves,” Cher, 1971
vs. “Leave Me Alone (Ruby Red Dress),” Helen Reddy, 1973
Two hits about young women who were deflowered by more experienced men. Cher had a #1 with a tale of the daughter of traveling Romany who is impregnated by an Alabama drifter. Meanwhile, Ms. Reddy hit #3 with the tale of an emotionally disturbed woman who wanders her hometown years after a heartbreaking and/or traumatic tryst with a Tennessee farm boy.
Final Score: Gypsies 23, Ruby 0. It came down to the fact that the Gypsies would do whatever they could to win, while the Ruby team played like they didn’t want to be there. So Cher’s team are back on their wagon and traveling to the next round.
THE WOMEN’S ADVANCEMENT BOWL
“Fancy,” Bobbie Gentry, 1970
vs. “Jennifer Tomkins,” Street People, 1970
Two songs about girls who grow up poor and try to have better lives as adults. Country singer Gentry made it to #31 with a song about a young lady whose mother makes her a sexy red dress and sends her out to “befriend” rich men. Meanwhile, Street People, a project of Archies singer Ron Dante and Rupert Holmes (the man behind both “The Pina Colada Song” and “Timothy”), reached #36 with a tune about a girl who is orphaned as a child, then abandoned by the love of her life as a grown woman.
Final Score: Fancy 38, Tomkins 7. The Fancy coach gave an inspiring pre-game speech, telling them that this was their one chance not to let her down. They didn’t. Their opponents returned to the street, muttering about life not being fair.
THE FATHER KNOWS BEST...SOMETIMES BOWL
“Patches,” Clarence Carter, 1970
vs. “Papa was a Rollin’ Stone,” The Temptations, 1972
Two songs about dead fathers. Blind Alabama soul man Carter got to #4 with a song about a poor boy who keeps his promise to his dying dad to perform tireless, backbreaking labour throughout his childhood to keep his family afloat. Two years later, the Temps went to #1 with a eulogy for a man who was a con-man, a bigamist, an alcoholic and an absentee father.
Final Score: Patches 34, Papa 21. Once again, an inspirational pregame speech led to victory. As well as the fact that Patches and co. had been practicing 16 hours a day beforehand. They would not stop giving it their all. The Temps’ team didn’t have a role model for persistence and hard work, so they couldn’t keep up. The winners weren’t ones to rest on their laurels, so they had a three-hour practice in full pads immediately after the game. One wonders how long the’ll be able to keep this up.
THE DON’T TAKE YOUR MAMA FOR GRANTED BOWL
“No Charge,” Melba Montgomery, 1974
vs. “I.O.U.,” Jimmy Dean, 1976
Two country songs about the gratitude one should have for one’s mother. Tennessean Montgomery made it to #39 with a record about a child who presents his mom with a bill for all the household chores he performs, only to have his mother reply with a bill for all she does for him, but without an amount owing, Meanwhile, singer/sausage king Dean reached #35 with a song about how he used to catalogue all the services he felt he owed his mother for, and how he knew that all he needed to do in the form of payment was love her.
Final Score: I.O.U. 27, Charge 10. The first half saw Dean’s tam motivated, while Melba’s men seemed more concerned about a contract dispute. This was resolved at halftime, but their opponents kept playing with the same spirit, so the gap could not be closed.
THE INSPIRATIONAL DEAD LOVED ONES BOWL
“Rocky,” Austin Roberts, 1975
vs. “The Last Game of the Season (A Blind Man in the Bleachers),” David Geddes, 1975
Two songs about males who rely on deceased relatives to help them do things. Virginian Roberts hit #9 with a song about meeting a woman whom he marries and has a child with, but then dies and helps him continue living through her memory. Geddes, meanwhile, climbed to #18 with a song about a high schooler who never gets into the football games his blind father attends, but on the day his dad dies, he gets to play and leads his team to an improbable victory.
Final Score: Blind 41, Rocky 38. Everything went Roberts’ way in the first half, while Geddes’ guys were lacking in every way. But something seemed to change for both sides at halftime, and one of the Blind players came off the bench and led an amazing comeback. After the game, the hero simply pointed to an empty spot in the stands to explain his performance.
THE DRINK AWAY THE PAIN OF LEAVING A CAKE OUT IN THE RAIN BOWL
“Copacabana,” Barry Manilow, 1978
vs. “MacArthur Park,” Donna Summer, 1979
It’s lost love against lost dessert. Easy listening superstar Manilow made it to #8 with a disco track about a nightclub dancer whose lover is killed in a bar fight. A year later, Summer had a #1 with a cover of Richard Harris’ 1969 hit about baked goods being ruined by precipitation.
Final Score: MacArthur 17, Copacabana 10. Manilow had young legs on his side, but an injury to star player Tony near the end of the first half turned the game around, and their opponents’ enigmatic strategy, which involved wearing striped pants and incorporating moves from Chinese checkers, won the day. But it remains to be seen whether they’ll have the recipe for victory again.
THE THAT’S MY BOY BOWL
“Watching Scotty Grow,” Bobby Goldsboro, 1971
vs, “Cat’s in the Cradle,” Harry Chapin, 1974
Two songs about fatherhood. Goldsboro hit #11 by declaring that being there to see his son grow up is more entertaining than television, films or nightclubs. Later, Chapin topped the chart with a song about all the moments of his son’s childhood that he missed due to work.
Final Score: Cradle 31, Scotty 0. The Chapin team were focused on the game, while Goldsboro’s squad allowed their children to wander the sidelines, even letting one kid call the plays. None of their players knew what kind of play “BRLFQ” was, but they didn’t care, it was having that quality time with the kids that was most important.. The Cradle team scoffed, secure in the knowledge that they were the ones who had their priorities straight. But will they always feel that way?
THE GETTING OUT BOWL
“Tie a Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Ole Oak Tree,” Tony Orlando and Dawn, 1973
vs. “How You Gonna See Me Now,” Alice Cooper, 1978
Two hits about people being released from institutions. Tony and Dawn went to #1 with a song about a man wondering if he will be welcomed home from prison. Alice’s #12 challenger can be described the same way, except substitute “prison” for “mental hospital.”
Final Score: Ribbon 17, See 14. It was close throughout, but the Orlando boys found just enough at the end to win. Maybe it was the sudden appearance of a hundred pieces of yellow fabric tied to the goalposts when they lined up to kick the winning field goal. It’s reminiscent of how the Terrible Towels helped the Pittsburgh Steelers to championships in the 70s. Could the Rotten Ribbons have the same impact?
THE STRANGERS MAKING OFFERS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE BOWL
“Lizzie and the Rainman,” Tanya Tucker, 1975
vs. “The Devil Went Down to Georgia,” The Charlie Daniels Band, 1979
Two hits about people confronting men who make crazy promises. Country star Tucker got to #37 with a tune about a man who claims he can bring rain to a doubt-stricken town and the sceptical citizen who challenges him. Meanwhile, Charlie D. returns with a #3 about a boy named Johnny who stakes his soul against a golden violin in a fiddle-off with Satan.
Final Score: Devil 56, Rainman 3. Tucker’s team wanted wet conditions, and they thought they had someone who could arrange that. But instead, the game was played in very hot conditions, and their opponents played supernaturally well. Strangely, the moment the final gun sounded,the rains actually came. Reports that there was some sort of wager on the game are unconfirmed.
THE SCARY STUFF BOWL
“Swamp Witch,” Jim Stafford, 1973
vs. “(The System of) Dr. Tarr and Professor Fether,” The Alan Parsons Project, 1976
Two songs that could be part of any good Halloween playlist. First, it’s Stafford again, this time with the #39 tale of a witch who uncharacteristically uses her magic to cure the fever-stricken town that has feared her for years. Then, an English prog outfit hit #37 with a song inspired by an Edgar Allan Poe story about mental patients who take over an asylum
Final Score: Witch 37, System 35. A thrilling contest, with many twists and turns. Stafford’s team’s ingestion of a mysterious substance may have made the difference, which is perfectly legal in this competition. After the game, a group of people stormed the field, claiming that they were the real Parsons team who had been kidnapped and replaced by rabid fans. This is under investigation, but the result of the game will stand,
So finally, we’re done the first round. You could definitely argue about songs that made the cut and ones that didn’t, but as the one-man selection committee, I’m satisfied that we’ve had a an exciting tournament so far. And the competition should be even better in Round 2. But we’lol be heading back to England before then. See you soon.
THE NIGHT JOB WHERE YOU MEET INTERESTING PEOPLE BOWL
“Taxi,” Harry Chapin, 1972
vs. “Piano Man,” Billy Joel, 1974
Two tales of working men. Brooklyn folkie Chapin made it to #24 with a story about a San Francisco cabbie who picks up an old lover one night, and how the two reflect on how their lives didn’t turn out how they had planned. Meanwhile, Bronx native Joel reached #25 with his breakthrough single, which was based on his experiences tickling the ivories at a Los Angeles bar.
Final Score: Piano 28, Taxi 17. Billy’s boys were just happier to be there, not mourning lost loves or failed dreams of being a pilot. Plus they got a great performance from Davy, who’s still in the Navy. The raucous celebration of their victory is still going on.
THE OLD MEN AND THEIR STORIES BOWL
“Mr. Bojangles,” The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, 1971
vs. “The Gambler,” Kenny Rogers, 1979
Two songs that take the form of younger men recalling meetings they had with interesting elders. First, a California country-rock band got to #9 with a song about meeting a homeless tap dancer in a New Orleans jail cell. Then, Rogers hit #16 by recounting a fictional meeting between himself and an elderly cardsharp.
Final Score: Bojangles 38, Gambler 13. In a battle of fancy footwork versus calculated risk taking, the Bojangles danced away with a comfortable win. Even when you know when to hold them and when to fold them, the cards don’t always go your way.
THE REAL LIFE MASS DEATH BOWL
“The Battle Hymn If Lt. Calley,” C Company featuring Terry Nelson, 1971
vs. “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald,” Gordon Lightfoot, 1976
Two songs inspired by headline-making tragedies. Alabama disc jockey Nelson and a group of studio musicians hit #37 with a patriotic-sounding defence of William Calley, the only American soldier convicted in the 1968 massacre of unarmed Vietnamese civilians at My Lai. Meanwhile, Canadian troubadour Lightfoot had a #2 with his epic about the 1975 sinking of a freight ship in Lake Superior.
Final Score: Hymn 51, Wreck 19. Though it was played in the gales of November, the Edmund Fitzgerald crew were thoroughly dominated by the all-out, anything-for-victory attitude of C Company. They are a dangerous team in more ways than one.
THE OLD-TIMEY WAR STORIES BOWL
“The Last Farewell,” Roger Whittaker, 1975
vs. “Fernando,” ABBA, 1976
Two songs that evoke images of the days when armed conflict was very low-tech. British folksinger Whittaker got to #19 with a song about a sailor leaving his lover to go fight in some nonspecific battle. Then, Sweden’s finest hit #13 with a tune about two Mexican soldiers reminiscing about the war for Texas independence.
Final Score: Fernando 10, Farewell 3. A defensive struggle, but in a game played under bright stars, there was something in the air that allowed the close-knit ABBA team to get the victory. Farewell, Mr. Whittaker.
THE CORPORATE NAMECHECK BOWL
“Kodachrome,” Paul Simon, 1973
vs. “One Piece at a Time,” Johnny Cash, 1976
Two songs that provided free advertising for famous brands. Rhymin’ Simon went to #2 with a song about looking back on the past through photos taken with a Nikon on Kodak film. Then, the Man in Black reached #29 with a record about a General Motors autoworker who puts together a Cadillac out of parts he smuggled out of the plant over a period of 20-plus years.
Final Score: Piece 24, Kodachrome 10. It took Cash a long time to assemble his squad, and they didn’t necessarily appear to be a unit that would work together cohesively, but they formed a finely-tuned machine that drove to a win. Simon was disappointed with the loss, but he did take a nice team picture of his players to remember them by.
THE CLEDUS “SNOWMAN” SNOW BOWL
“Amos Moses,” Jerry Reed, 1971
vs. “When You’re Hot, You’re Hot,” Jerry Reed, 1971
A battle of two slabs of country-funk from actor/singer/Burt Reynolds sidekick Reed. First, he hit #8 with the story of a Louisiana boy famous for his ability to catch alligators in spite of only having one arm. Then, he got to #9 with a song about a gambler whose on a hot streak at craps until the local sheriff breaks up the game.
Final Score: Moses 42, Hot 21. The Hot boys were on a roll for most of the first half, going ahead 7-0, then 14-0, then 21-0. But late in the second quarter, they got called for a costly illegal procedure penalty, and after that, nothing went their way, and the brute strength and cunning of Moses romped from there.
THE SMOOTH SOUTHERN SEDUCTION BOWL
“Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves,” Cher, 1971
vs. “Leave Me Alone (Ruby Red Dress),” Helen Reddy, 1973
Two hits about young women who were deflowered by more experienced men. Cher had a #1 with a tale of the daughter of traveling Romany who is impregnated by an Alabama drifter. Meanwhile, Ms. Reddy hit #3 with the tale of an emotionally disturbed woman who wanders her hometown years after a heartbreaking and/or traumatic tryst with a Tennessee farm boy.
Final Score: Gypsies 23, Ruby 0. It came down to the fact that the Gypsies would do whatever they could to win, while the Ruby team played like they didn’t want to be there. So Cher’s team are back on their wagon and traveling to the next round.
THE WOMEN’S ADVANCEMENT BOWL
“Fancy,” Bobbie Gentry, 1970
vs. “Jennifer Tomkins,” Street People, 1970
Two songs about girls who grow up poor and try to have better lives as adults. Country singer Gentry made it to #31 with a song about a young lady whose mother makes her a sexy red dress and sends her out to “befriend” rich men. Meanwhile, Street People, a project of Archies singer Ron Dante and Rupert Holmes (the man behind both “The Pina Colada Song” and “Timothy”), reached #36 with a tune about a girl who is orphaned as a child, then abandoned by the love of her life as a grown woman.
Final Score: Fancy 38, Tomkins 7. The Fancy coach gave an inspiring pre-game speech, telling them that this was their one chance not to let her down. They didn’t. Their opponents returned to the street, muttering about life not being fair.
THE FATHER KNOWS BEST...SOMETIMES BOWL
“Patches,” Clarence Carter, 1970
vs. “Papa was a Rollin’ Stone,” The Temptations, 1972
Two songs about dead fathers. Blind Alabama soul man Carter got to #4 with a song about a poor boy who keeps his promise to his dying dad to perform tireless, backbreaking labour throughout his childhood to keep his family afloat. Two years later, the Temps went to #1 with a eulogy for a man who was a con-man, a bigamist, an alcoholic and an absentee father.
Final Score: Patches 34, Papa 21. Once again, an inspirational pregame speech led to victory. As well as the fact that Patches and co. had been practicing 16 hours a day beforehand. They would not stop giving it their all. The Temps’ team didn’t have a role model for persistence and hard work, so they couldn’t keep up. The winners weren’t ones to rest on their laurels, so they had a three-hour practice in full pads immediately after the game. One wonders how long the’ll be able to keep this up.
THE DON’T TAKE YOUR MAMA FOR GRANTED BOWL
“No Charge,” Melba Montgomery, 1974
vs. “I.O.U.,” Jimmy Dean, 1976
Two country songs about the gratitude one should have for one’s mother. Tennessean Montgomery made it to #39 with a record about a child who presents his mom with a bill for all the household chores he performs, only to have his mother reply with a bill for all she does for him, but without an amount owing, Meanwhile, singer/sausage king Dean reached #35 with a song about how he used to catalogue all the services he felt he owed his mother for, and how he knew that all he needed to do in the form of payment was love her.
Final Score: I.O.U. 27, Charge 10. The first half saw Dean’s tam motivated, while Melba’s men seemed more concerned about a contract dispute. This was resolved at halftime, but their opponents kept playing with the same spirit, so the gap could not be closed.
THE INSPIRATIONAL DEAD LOVED ONES BOWL
“Rocky,” Austin Roberts, 1975
vs. “The Last Game of the Season (A Blind Man in the Bleachers),” David Geddes, 1975
Two songs about males who rely on deceased relatives to help them do things. Virginian Roberts hit #9 with a song about meeting a woman whom he marries and has a child with, but then dies and helps him continue living through her memory. Geddes, meanwhile, climbed to #18 with a song about a high schooler who never gets into the football games his blind father attends, but on the day his dad dies, he gets to play and leads his team to an improbable victory.
Final Score: Blind 41, Rocky 38. Everything went Roberts’ way in the first half, while Geddes’ guys were lacking in every way. But something seemed to change for both sides at halftime, and one of the Blind players came off the bench and led an amazing comeback. After the game, the hero simply pointed to an empty spot in the stands to explain his performance.
THE DRINK AWAY THE PAIN OF LEAVING A CAKE OUT IN THE RAIN BOWL
“Copacabana,” Barry Manilow, 1978
vs. “MacArthur Park,” Donna Summer, 1979
It’s lost love against lost dessert. Easy listening superstar Manilow made it to #8 with a disco track about a nightclub dancer whose lover is killed in a bar fight. A year later, Summer had a #1 with a cover of Richard Harris’ 1969 hit about baked goods being ruined by precipitation.
Final Score: MacArthur 17, Copacabana 10. Manilow had young legs on his side, but an injury to star player Tony near the end of the first half turned the game around, and their opponents’ enigmatic strategy, which involved wearing striped pants and incorporating moves from Chinese checkers, won the day. But it remains to be seen whether they’ll have the recipe for victory again.
THE THAT’S MY BOY BOWL
“Watching Scotty Grow,” Bobby Goldsboro, 1971
vs, “Cat’s in the Cradle,” Harry Chapin, 1974
Two songs about fatherhood. Goldsboro hit #11 by declaring that being there to see his son grow up is more entertaining than television, films or nightclubs. Later, Chapin topped the chart with a song about all the moments of his son’s childhood that he missed due to work.
Final Score: Cradle 31, Scotty 0. The Chapin team were focused on the game, while Goldsboro’s squad allowed their children to wander the sidelines, even letting one kid call the plays. None of their players knew what kind of play “BRLFQ” was, but they didn’t care, it was having that quality time with the kids that was most important.. The Cradle team scoffed, secure in the knowledge that they were the ones who had their priorities straight. But will they always feel that way?
THE GETTING OUT BOWL
“Tie a Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Ole Oak Tree,” Tony Orlando and Dawn, 1973
vs. “How You Gonna See Me Now,” Alice Cooper, 1978
Two hits about people being released from institutions. Tony and Dawn went to #1 with a song about a man wondering if he will be welcomed home from prison. Alice’s #12 challenger can be described the same way, except substitute “prison” for “mental hospital.”
Final Score: Ribbon 17, See 14. It was close throughout, but the Orlando boys found just enough at the end to win. Maybe it was the sudden appearance of a hundred pieces of yellow fabric tied to the goalposts when they lined up to kick the winning field goal. It’s reminiscent of how the Terrible Towels helped the Pittsburgh Steelers to championships in the 70s. Could the Rotten Ribbons have the same impact?
THE STRANGERS MAKING OFFERS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE BOWL
“Lizzie and the Rainman,” Tanya Tucker, 1975
vs. “The Devil Went Down to Georgia,” The Charlie Daniels Band, 1979
Two hits about people confronting men who make crazy promises. Country star Tucker got to #37 with a tune about a man who claims he can bring rain to a doubt-stricken town and the sceptical citizen who challenges him. Meanwhile, Charlie D. returns with a #3 about a boy named Johnny who stakes his soul against a golden violin in a fiddle-off with Satan.
Final Score: Devil 56, Rainman 3. Tucker’s team wanted wet conditions, and they thought they had someone who could arrange that. But instead, the game was played in very hot conditions, and their opponents played supernaturally well. Strangely, the moment the final gun sounded,the rains actually came. Reports that there was some sort of wager on the game are unconfirmed.
THE SCARY STUFF BOWL
“Swamp Witch,” Jim Stafford, 1973
vs. “(The System of) Dr. Tarr and Professor Fether,” The Alan Parsons Project, 1976
Two songs that could be part of any good Halloween playlist. First, it’s Stafford again, this time with the #39 tale of a witch who uncharacteristically uses her magic to cure the fever-stricken town that has feared her for years. Then, an English prog outfit hit #37 with a song inspired by an Edgar Allan Poe story about mental patients who take over an asylum
Final Score: Witch 37, System 35. A thrilling contest, with many twists and turns. Stafford’s team’s ingestion of a mysterious substance may have made the difference, which is perfectly legal in this competition. After the game, a group of people stormed the field, claiming that they were the real Parsons team who had been kidnapped and replaced by rabid fans. This is under investigation, but the result of the game will stand,
So finally, we’re done the first round. You could definitely argue about songs that made the cut and ones that didn’t, but as the one-man selection committee, I’m satisfied that we’ve had a an exciting tournament so far. And the competition should be even better in Round 2. But we’lol be heading back to England before then. See you soon.
Sunday, November 4, 2018
An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 October 12, 1974 Part Two
The end.
20 - “Machine Gun,” Commodores
Before all the ballads and “Brick House,” these Alabamians had their first hit with a funk instrumental. Spacey, gutbucket goodness.
19 - “I Got the Music in Me,” The Kiki Dee Band
The third hit for the future Elton John duet partner (and the only one to cross the pond) was this rocker about being full of it...rock, that is. This is like a bridge between Tina Turner and Suzi Quatro.
18 - “Y Viva Espana,” Sylvia
It's about Spain, it was originally written in Dutch by a Belgian, here it's sung in English ny a Swede, and it sounds like a polka. If this is the product of a united Europe, maybe Brexit isn't such a bad idea after all.
17 - “(You’re) Having My Baby,” Paul Anka
Almost a Triple Crown for the Anka man, but denied by the Brits, who held it to #6. I thought it would have completed the hat trick, given their taste for treacle.
16 - “The Bitch is Back,” Elton John
Sir Elton’s nit-picking, glue-sniffing anthem only got to #15 here, but it became his sixth #1 in Canada. To that point, he’d had two in the U.S., and...zero at home. Whoa.
15 - “Farewell/Bring it On Home to Me,” Rod Stewart
Roddy’s seventh Top Ten was double-sided. The A is a wistful rocker about a boy leaving his loved ones to seek his fortune in the big wide world. The B is a medley of two Sam Cooke classics. The A is nice, but the flip is more memorable as a showcase for his voice.
14 - “I Get a Kick Out of You,” Gary Shearston
This Aussie folkie had his only U.K. success with a cover of the Cole Porter standard about a lover more thrilling and intoxicating than anything. It’s a little jarring hearing it this way, similar to that Hawaiian guy’s cover of “Over the Rainbow.” But this is cooler, and also has the advantage of not being overused in ads and films.
13 - “Reggae Tune,” Andy Fairweather Low
This Welsh guitarist first found success with the band Amen Corner, than picked up a few solo hits, including this, um, reggae tune. He reminds me of Eric Clapton a lot on this, But it’s worth a listen. He does all right.
12 - “Queen of Clubs,” KC and the Sunshine Band
Before his Big Three, Harry Casey managed a Top Ten here with this almost-disco ode to a lady who rules dance floors. Grittier than what they’d become.
11 - “Everything I Own,” Ken Boothe
This Jamaican picked up a #1 here by covering a 1972 Bread hit reggae-style. He freshened up a stale recipe.
10 - “Knock on Wood,” David Bowie
Bowie scores again with a glam cover of Eddie Floyd’s 1966 soul hit. It works just as well here as when Amii Stewart took it to the disco five years later.
9 - “Can’t Get Enough of Your Love, Babe,” Barry White
Baby, you know, America showed him enough love to give this a #1. And Canada, that sweet thing, put it in the Top Five. Britain, well, they were a little shy, and only got it up to #8. But it’s all good. Any love is good love, if you make it good. Awwwwwawwwwbaby!
8 - “You You You,” Alvin Stardust
A-Star’s fourth hit was this competent piece of glamabilly. I get less impressed with him with every new song I hear.
7 - “Hang On in There Baby,” Johnny Bristol
The big hit from this North Carolinian. He does the Barry White thing before Barry completely claimed it. And he does it well, with more of a Lou Rawls smoothness.
6 - “Long Tall Glasses (I Can Dance),” Leo Sayer
The pride of Essex with a banjo-decorated tale of how the promise of copious amounts of food brought out his inner Baryshnikov. Pre-falsetto Leo is the best Leo.
5 - “Gee Baby,” Peter Shelley
The first of two Top Fives for the actual singer of Alvin Stardust’s “My Coo Ca Choo” was this 50s-style pop ballad. So sincere it borders on parody.
4 - “Kung Fu Fighting,” Carl Douglas
Possibly the definitive one-hit wonder. It got a Triple Crown, and topped at least nine other countries’ charts. A Dirty Dozen, if you will.
3 - “Sad Sweet Dreamer,” Sweet Sensation
This Manchester soul group had a #1 with a pretty good imitation of the Philly sound. I like it better than when I first heard it on an AT40. It’s just one of those things you put down to experience.
2 - “Rock Me Gently,” Andy Kim
The Montrealer’s perfect pop-rock earworm came exactly this close to a Triple Crown. Unfortunately, he had never been loved like this again.
1 - “Annie’s Song,” John Denver
This was his only hit over here, and he made it count by collecting the third jewel required for a Triple Crown. And for the record, “Annie” was his wife, although seeing as he wrote it on a ski lift, it was probably thin mountain air that was filling up his senses.
Next time, we finally finish the first round of the tournament. See you then.
20 - “Machine Gun,” Commodores
Before all the ballads and “Brick House,” these Alabamians had their first hit with a funk instrumental. Spacey, gutbucket goodness.
19 - “I Got the Music in Me,” The Kiki Dee Band
The third hit for the future Elton John duet partner (and the only one to cross the pond) was this rocker about being full of it...rock, that is. This is like a bridge between Tina Turner and Suzi Quatro.
18 - “Y Viva Espana,” Sylvia
It's about Spain, it was originally written in Dutch by a Belgian, here it's sung in English ny a Swede, and it sounds like a polka. If this is the product of a united Europe, maybe Brexit isn't such a bad idea after all.
17 - “(You’re) Having My Baby,” Paul Anka
Almost a Triple Crown for the Anka man, but denied by the Brits, who held it to #6. I thought it would have completed the hat trick, given their taste for treacle.
16 - “The Bitch is Back,” Elton John
Sir Elton’s nit-picking, glue-sniffing anthem only got to #15 here, but it became his sixth #1 in Canada. To that point, he’d had two in the U.S., and...zero at home. Whoa.
15 - “Farewell/Bring it On Home to Me,” Rod Stewart
Roddy’s seventh Top Ten was double-sided. The A is a wistful rocker about a boy leaving his loved ones to seek his fortune in the big wide world. The B is a medley of two Sam Cooke classics. The A is nice, but the flip is more memorable as a showcase for his voice.
14 - “I Get a Kick Out of You,” Gary Shearston
This Aussie folkie had his only U.K. success with a cover of the Cole Porter standard about a lover more thrilling and intoxicating than anything. It’s a little jarring hearing it this way, similar to that Hawaiian guy’s cover of “Over the Rainbow.” But this is cooler, and also has the advantage of not being overused in ads and films.
13 - “Reggae Tune,” Andy Fairweather Low
This Welsh guitarist first found success with the band Amen Corner, than picked up a few solo hits, including this, um, reggae tune. He reminds me of Eric Clapton a lot on this, But it’s worth a listen. He does all right.
12 - “Queen of Clubs,” KC and the Sunshine Band
Before his Big Three, Harry Casey managed a Top Ten here with this almost-disco ode to a lady who rules dance floors. Grittier than what they’d become.
11 - “Everything I Own,” Ken Boothe
This Jamaican picked up a #1 here by covering a 1972 Bread hit reggae-style. He freshened up a stale recipe.
10 - “Knock on Wood,” David Bowie
Bowie scores again with a glam cover of Eddie Floyd’s 1966 soul hit. It works just as well here as when Amii Stewart took it to the disco five years later.
9 - “Can’t Get Enough of Your Love, Babe,” Barry White
Baby, you know, America showed him enough love to give this a #1. And Canada, that sweet thing, put it in the Top Five. Britain, well, they were a little shy, and only got it up to #8. But it’s all good. Any love is good love, if you make it good. Awwwwwawwwwbaby!
8 - “You You You,” Alvin Stardust
A-Star’s fourth hit was this competent piece of glamabilly. I get less impressed with him with every new song I hear.
7 - “Hang On in There Baby,” Johnny Bristol
The big hit from this North Carolinian. He does the Barry White thing before Barry completely claimed it. And he does it well, with more of a Lou Rawls smoothness.
6 - “Long Tall Glasses (I Can Dance),” Leo Sayer
The pride of Essex with a banjo-decorated tale of how the promise of copious amounts of food brought out his inner Baryshnikov. Pre-falsetto Leo is the best Leo.
5 - “Gee Baby,” Peter Shelley
The first of two Top Fives for the actual singer of Alvin Stardust’s “My Coo Ca Choo” was this 50s-style pop ballad. So sincere it borders on parody.
4 - “Kung Fu Fighting,” Carl Douglas
Possibly the definitive one-hit wonder. It got a Triple Crown, and topped at least nine other countries’ charts. A Dirty Dozen, if you will.
3 - “Sad Sweet Dreamer,” Sweet Sensation
This Manchester soul group had a #1 with a pretty good imitation of the Philly sound. I like it better than when I first heard it on an AT40. It’s just one of those things you put down to experience.
2 - “Rock Me Gently,” Andy Kim
The Montrealer’s perfect pop-rock earworm came exactly this close to a Triple Crown. Unfortunately, he had never been loved like this again.
1 - “Annie’s Song,” John Denver
This was his only hit over here, and he made it count by collecting the third jewel required for a Triple Crown. And for the record, “Annie” was his wife, although seeing as he wrote it on a ski lift, it was probably thin mountain air that was filling up his senses.
Next time, we finally finish the first round of the tournament. See you then.
Monday, October 29, 2018
An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 October 12, 1974 Part One
October 1974. Britain holds its second election of the year, which resulted in Harold Wilson’s government going from a minority to a thin majority in Parliament. Meanwhile, the following songs gained enough support to be elected to another august body, the Top Forty.
40 - “What Becomes of the Brokenhearted,” Jimmy Ruffin
The Motown second-stringer’s biggest hit returned to the Top Ten eight years after its first release. It deserves to be a hit many times over.
39 - “Life is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me),” Reunion
The laundry-list hit only got to #33 here. Maybe the Brits were in the dark about most of the references after “Mott the Hoople.”
38 - “Love Me,” Diana Ross
Miss Ross had a small, U.K. only hit with a sex ballad featuring some pretty thinly disguised entendres (“I feel your lovin’ inside me growin’,” “Let me come with you.”). I like that she’s willing to admit that she wants a lot more than just touching in the morning.
37 - “When Will I See You Again,” The Three Degrees
The Philly soul ballad to rule them all. The U.K. stepped up and gave it the #1 it deserves.
36 - “Leave It,” Mike McGear
This is Peter Michael McCartney, younger brother of the Cute Beatle. He had some success in the sixties with the comedy band The Scaffold, but he only got this high with his one solo hit. Paul wrote this bouncy tune about a girl who gets her heart broken while trying to become famous. I think that’s it. Surprisingly, McGear sounds more like Gerry Rafferty than Macca. Nothing special, but a glimpse at a figure I had no idea existed before now.
35 - “I Honestly Love You,” Olivia Newton-John
ONJ’s first of two Triple Crowns. Heartfelt but not sappy. She says she’s not trying to make me feel uncomfortable, and she doesn’t.
34 - “I’m Leaving it Up to You,” Donny and Marie Osmond
The first hit collaboration by the Mormon teens was this cover of a 1963 Dale and Grace hit. It’s most interesting for how much Marie sounds like pre-puberty Donny. Maybe that’s why they started pairing right after his voice broke.
33 - “Happy Anniversary,” Slim Whitman
Born in Tampa, Florida, Ottis Whitman had some country success in the 50s and 60s, and at one point toured with an opening act named Elvis Presley. Surprisingly, he was a bigger star in Britain, where his “Rose Marie” topped the charts for 11 weeks in 1955. But even there, he hadn’t charted in 17 years until coming back with this celebration of a lasting marriage. He doesn’t yodel as much as he does on other songs, but this is nice, old-school country, and takes him out of the box I had put him in thanks to all the TV commercials for his “Not Available in Stores” collections in the 80s.
32 - “Na Na Na,” Cozy Powell
The third hit for the drummer born Colin Flooks was this rocker about the power of being a drummer, and how it’s better than being a “guitar star.” Love it. And I must say, if I had done more with music than just yelling at it, I’d probably bash the skins myself.
31 - “All of Me Loves All of You,” The Bay City Rollers
The Scots’ fifth hit was this jaunty boogie-popper. So light and fluffy it should have been released on a pancake instead of a vinyl disc.
30 -“Pinball,” Brian Protheroe
This Salisbury actor-singer had his only hit with this folky tune about being bored and aimless. It’s sneakily great. Doesn’t sound like much, but it draws you in and leaves you loving it.
29 - “I’m a Believer,” Robert Wyatt
Bristol-born Wyatt has been a prolific musician since the 60s, when he was part of the pioneering jazz-rock combo The Soft Machine. His biggest pop success was this cover of the Neil Diamond-penned Monkees perennial. It’s a very dramatic, very English version, but it works very well. It’s even got a violin solo. It makes me want to smash Smash Mouth in the...balls.
28 - “Love Me for a Reason,” The Osmonds
Donny and bros. only #1 here was a soul ballad about wanting a serious relationship. Okay, but the Johnny Bristol original can’t help but be better.
27 - “Samba Pa Ti,” Santana
Carlos’ band picked up a hit here with a loping instrumental taken from the then-four-year-Old Abraxas LP. Good guitar work, naturally, but little more.
26 - “Baby Love,” Diana Ross and the Supremes
Ten years after it first topped the charts, this Motown Classic was reissued and got to #12. A hit any time, anywhere,
25 - “The Black Eyed Boys,” Paper Lace
These guys last non-football-assisted hit was a jaunty number about a motorcycle-riding rock band. Not hard by any stretch, but it’s Napalm Death compared to that Bay City Rollers track.
24 - “Silly Love,” 10cc
My newest favourite band had their fifth hit by beating McCartney to the theme of “silly love songs” by a couple years. I am on record as defending Paul’s effort, but it doesn’t hold a candle to this caustic, clever stomper. Listen to this, stat!
23 - “You Little Trustmaker,” The Tymes
The Philly soulsters with a cool number about a fantastically faithful female. It obviously appealed to the Northern Soul crowd, but it was Top 20 at home too. Good job, America.
22 - “I Can’t Leave You Alone,” George McCrae
The Floridian’s followup to the Triple Crown-winning “Rock Your Baby” was only a Top Ten here. It’s very good, more on the funk side of the line than the disco side. And McCrae sounds quite a bit like Terence Trent D’Arby on this.
21 - “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes,” Bryan Ferry
Ferry's third solo hit was a cover of a popular standard that originated in the 1933 Broadway musical Roberta, whose original cast included Bob Hope and Fred MacMurray (and was made two years later into a Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers movie). He does the smooth loungey thing he brings out often, and it works.
In Part Two: childbirth and chop socky, chalk and cheese.
40 - “What Becomes of the Brokenhearted,” Jimmy Ruffin
The Motown second-stringer’s biggest hit returned to the Top Ten eight years after its first release. It deserves to be a hit many times over.
39 - “Life is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me),” Reunion
The laundry-list hit only got to #33 here. Maybe the Brits were in the dark about most of the references after “Mott the Hoople.”
38 - “Love Me,” Diana Ross
Miss Ross had a small, U.K. only hit with a sex ballad featuring some pretty thinly disguised entendres (“I feel your lovin’ inside me growin’,” “Let me come with you.”). I like that she’s willing to admit that she wants a lot more than just touching in the morning.
37 - “When Will I See You Again,” The Three Degrees
The Philly soul ballad to rule them all. The U.K. stepped up and gave it the #1 it deserves.
36 - “Leave It,” Mike McGear
This is Peter Michael McCartney, younger brother of the Cute Beatle. He had some success in the sixties with the comedy band The Scaffold, but he only got this high with his one solo hit. Paul wrote this bouncy tune about a girl who gets her heart broken while trying to become famous. I think that’s it. Surprisingly, McGear sounds more like Gerry Rafferty than Macca. Nothing special, but a glimpse at a figure I had no idea existed before now.
35 - “I Honestly Love You,” Olivia Newton-John
ONJ’s first of two Triple Crowns. Heartfelt but not sappy. She says she’s not trying to make me feel uncomfortable, and she doesn’t.
34 - “I’m Leaving it Up to You,” Donny and Marie Osmond
The first hit collaboration by the Mormon teens was this cover of a 1963 Dale and Grace hit. It’s most interesting for how much Marie sounds like pre-puberty Donny. Maybe that’s why they started pairing right after his voice broke.
33 - “Happy Anniversary,” Slim Whitman
Born in Tampa, Florida, Ottis Whitman had some country success in the 50s and 60s, and at one point toured with an opening act named Elvis Presley. Surprisingly, he was a bigger star in Britain, where his “Rose Marie” topped the charts for 11 weeks in 1955. But even there, he hadn’t charted in 17 years until coming back with this celebration of a lasting marriage. He doesn’t yodel as much as he does on other songs, but this is nice, old-school country, and takes him out of the box I had put him in thanks to all the TV commercials for his “Not Available in Stores” collections in the 80s.
32 - “Na Na Na,” Cozy Powell
The third hit for the drummer born Colin Flooks was this rocker about the power of being a drummer, and how it’s better than being a “guitar star.” Love it. And I must say, if I had done more with music than just yelling at it, I’d probably bash the skins myself.
31 - “All of Me Loves All of You,” The Bay City Rollers
The Scots’ fifth hit was this jaunty boogie-popper. So light and fluffy it should have been released on a pancake instead of a vinyl disc.
30 -“Pinball,” Brian Protheroe
This Salisbury actor-singer had his only hit with this folky tune about being bored and aimless. It’s sneakily great. Doesn’t sound like much, but it draws you in and leaves you loving it.
29 - “I’m a Believer,” Robert Wyatt
Bristol-born Wyatt has been a prolific musician since the 60s, when he was part of the pioneering jazz-rock combo The Soft Machine. His biggest pop success was this cover of the Neil Diamond-penned Monkees perennial. It’s a very dramatic, very English version, but it works very well. It’s even got a violin solo. It makes me want to smash Smash Mouth in the...balls.
28 - “Love Me for a Reason,” The Osmonds
Donny and bros. only #1 here was a soul ballad about wanting a serious relationship. Okay, but the Johnny Bristol original can’t help but be better.
27 - “Samba Pa Ti,” Santana
Carlos’ band picked up a hit here with a loping instrumental taken from the then-four-year-Old Abraxas LP. Good guitar work, naturally, but little more.
26 - “Baby Love,” Diana Ross and the Supremes
Ten years after it first topped the charts, this Motown Classic was reissued and got to #12. A hit any time, anywhere,
25 - “The Black Eyed Boys,” Paper Lace
These guys last non-football-assisted hit was a jaunty number about a motorcycle-riding rock band. Not hard by any stretch, but it’s Napalm Death compared to that Bay City Rollers track.
24 - “Silly Love,” 10cc
My newest favourite band had their fifth hit by beating McCartney to the theme of “silly love songs” by a couple years. I am on record as defending Paul’s effort, but it doesn’t hold a candle to this caustic, clever stomper. Listen to this, stat!
23 - “You Little Trustmaker,” The Tymes
The Philly soulsters with a cool number about a fantastically faithful female. It obviously appealed to the Northern Soul crowd, but it was Top 20 at home too. Good job, America.
22 - “I Can’t Leave You Alone,” George McCrae
The Floridian’s followup to the Triple Crown-winning “Rock Your Baby” was only a Top Ten here. It’s very good, more on the funk side of the line than the disco side. And McCrae sounds quite a bit like Terence Trent D’Arby on this.
21 - “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes,” Bryan Ferry
Ferry's third solo hit was a cover of a popular standard that originated in the 1933 Broadway musical Roberta, whose original cast included Bob Hope and Fred MacMurray (and was made two years later into a Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers movie). He does the smooth loungey thing he brings out often, and it works.
In Part Two: childbirth and chop socky, chalk and cheese.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)