April 1988. Scotsman Sandy Lyle becomes the first Briton to win golf’s Masters tournament and wear the iconic green jacket. Meanwhile, in the British Open of Pop, this is what the leaderboard looked like:
40 - “Piano in the Dark,” Brenda Russell
The biggest hit for the Brooklyn-born, Hamilton-raises singer was this ballad about an enchanting keyboardist. Solid adult pop. #6 in the States, but #23 both here and in Canada. I wonder if that’s something that might intrigue Jim Carrey.
39 - “Beat Dis,” Bomb the Bass
London producer Tim Simenon rode the wave of sample-based house sparked by M/A/R/R/S with this relentlessly entertaining dance track. At the very least, it’s the equal of “Pump Up the Volume.” But to me, the best thing Simenon ever did would happen next year when he helped Neneh Cherry “rock this place” on “Buffalo Stance.”
38 - “Just Like Paradise,” David Lee Roth
Diamond Dave’s biggest solo single here was this production-line bit of party rock. It sounds more like purgatory to me.
37 - “Who’s Leaving Who,” Hazell Dean
Four years after her first Top Five, Essex dance diva Dean got her second by hooking up with S/A/W on this version of an ambiguous breakup song originally recorded by Anne Murray, of all people. It’s above average among the team’s productions, and Dean does her part. You still wonder how much better Kylie would have done with it, though.
36 - “Sex Talk (Live),” T’Pau
The Vulcanized Shropshireans had their fourth hit with this live version of their ode to dirty phone calls. It’s harder rock than their bigger hits, and Carol Decker does her best to convey lusty abandon. But it doesn’t quite do it for me.
35 - “I Fought the Law,” The Clash
A reissue of the band’s 1979 cover of the Bobby Fuller Four hit about a criminal forced to pay for his crimes. Their explosive energy squeezed into a familiar pop package makes it one of the great covers of all time. We all won.
34 - “Pink Cadillac,” Natalie Cole
Nat King’s princess’ Triple Top Five cover of a Springsteen B-side. I like it better than I did 30 years ago. She isn’t just along for the ride, she does take the wheel.
33 - “That’s the Way I Wanna Rock and Roll,” AC/DC
The fifteenth hit for the Aussie electric company was this big loud song about rockin’ and drivin’ and lustin’. That’s the way we want out AC/DC, and they usually comply. 4 on the Headbangometer.
32 - “Doctorin’ the House,” Coldcut featuring Yazz and the Plastic Population
The first and biggest hit for London DJs Matt Black and Jonathan More is another sample-house track, featuring snippets from TV’s Howdy Doody and Dave and Ansil Collins’ “Double Barrel,” as well as vocals from Yasmin Evans. Again, this is the kind of club music that still has a foot in pop, and that’s probably why I prefer it.
31 - “Girlfriend,” Pebbles
The only U.K. hit for Californian Perri Reid was this New Jack Swing-y advice to a friend not to take back her dog of an ex. For some reason, late 80s R&B/pop is starting to appeal to me more. Fascinating.
30 - “I Know You Got Soul,” Eric B. and Rakim
The first hit by Long Island’s hip-hop standard bearers was boosted here when it provided the title sample for “Pump Up the Volume.” The beats mainly come from a 1971 song of the same name by James Brown collaborator Bobby Byrd, and Rakim’s rhymes are at their dexterous best. These guys pushed the genre forward, and they still sound fresh today.
29 - “Everywhere,” Fleetwood Mac
This bit of Christine McVie shiny blandness was the biggest hit here for the Mac’s Buckingham/Nicks configuration. How? Why? This is a big blot on your record, Britain.
28 - “Just a Mirage,” Jellybean featuring Adele Bertei
More Latin-tinged dance from New York producer John Benitez on his fourth hit here. Those thirsting for some really distinctive pop will find themselves deceived.
27 - “Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car,” Billy Ocean
Biily O.’s “Mutt” Lange-driven automotive come-on came up two spots on this chart short of a Triple Crown. On this listen, I feel,it should have got the honour. It’s all formula, but this version of it tastes delicious in spite of itself.
26 - “I Want Her,” Keith Sweat
The Harlem soulster’s debut hit was Top Five at home, but only got this high here. What I said above about the Pebbles track applies here as well.
25 - “Prove Your Love,” Taylor Dayne
Her second transatlantic Top Ten. No evolution on my opinion of her, though. Still shrill crap.
24 - “Dreaming,” Glen Goldsmith
The biggest hit for this man from High Wycombe was cookie-cutter bit of midtempo R&B balladry. Of course it rhymes “fire” with “desire.” I’d like to see what would happen if there was ever an enforceable edict that for one year, pop songwriters could end a line with “fire” or end one with “desire,” but they couldn’t do both in the same song. It might be fun hearing a marked increase in the appearance of words like “attire,” “sapphire,” and “quagmire” on mainstream radio.
23 - “Together Forever,” Rick Astley
By just one spot, Britain denied Ricky his second Triple Crown. Stingy. It could have been up on his mantle with the one for “Never Gonna Give You Up” until the end of time. In other words, they could have been...what’s that phrase?
22 - “Ain’t Complaining,” Status Quo
There are few charts I cover that don’t contain these guys or Cliff Richard. Here they’re telling a woman that they don’t care what she does as long as she comes back home to him, They sound a bit like early-80s ELO here. It’s not great, but it’s not worth bitching about either.
21 - “Love is Contagious,” Taja Sevelle
Minnesotan Nancy Richardson was a contemporary of Prince, and was an early signing to his Paisley Park label. Her only hit of note was this breezy, self-penned soul ballad about the viral properties of romance. Definitely worth catching.
In Part Two: a French cab and an unwise boat collide.
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