The top of the top.
20 - “Many Rivers to Cross,” UB40
Another hit from their Labour of Love covers album, this one of a 1969 Jimmy Cliff reggae standard about struggling with hopelessness about one’s situation. I really ought to hear the original. This is nice, but the song promises more than this version delivers.
19 - “Bird of Paradise,” Snowy White
Devon native Terence White spent much of his career as a hired-gun guitarist, most notably on multiple Pink Floyd tours. He was also a member of Thin Lizzy in the early 80s, and it was shortly after leaving them that he scored his one big solo hit, this Dire Straits-y Brit-blues ballad. It’s just kind of there, and it ends up more of a guitar showcase than a good pop song.
18 - “That’s Livin’ Alright,” Joe Fagin
Fagin was 43 when he got his one big commercial success with this theme to the sitcom Auf Weidersehen, Pet, which followed seven English construction workers going to Düsseldorf, Germany to find employment. It’s an exuberant pub-rock singalong depicting a life of working all day and carousing all night with alcohol and local women, while still remembering to send money to the wife waiting back home. It’s all very English, and that foreignness to my ears is probably a large part of its charm.
17 - “Let’s Stay Together,” Tina Turner
This Al Green cover, produced by Ian Marsh and Martyn Ware of Heaven 17, gave Capitol Records the confidence to let Tina do a whole album for them, and her remarkable comeback was on. This isn’t as good as the original, but that’s a stratospheric bar to clear. This is a class performance that basically shouted “Remember me?” We’re all better off for this existing.
16 - “Uptown Girl,” Billy Joel
Only Britain took this all the way to #1. I’ve grown to prefer genuine Four Seasons by a long shot to this.
15 - “Straight Ahead,” Kool and the Gang
Another one from their 80s pop period. More happy, inspirational funk-lite. The formula followed to a T.
14 - “Rat Rapping,” Roland Rat
The creation of puppeteer David Claridge, Roland Rat was a television sensation in the mid-80s, hosting a multitude of morning programs. This being Britain, the character soon began making records, the biggest being this hip-hop homage that features Roland rhyming about his success and attempting to start a dance craze based around scratching fleas, to the delight of his most ardent fan, Kevin the Gerbil. Yeah. Well, at least I didn’t have to hunt for this chart’s Uneasy Rider.
13 - “A Rockin’ Good Way (To Mess Around and Fall in Love),” Shakin’ Stevens and Bonnie Tyler
Shaky again, this time joined by the Welsh powerhouse on a cover of a 1960 hit by Dinah Washington and Brook Benton. Unlike “Cry Just a Little Bit,” the slick production neuters what could be a fun rave-up. A more traditional setting might have given Bonnie room to really belt, and really, if you’re not gonna ask her to do that, why would you bring her n?
12 - “Thriller,” Michael Jackson
MJ’s ode to the pleasures of fright films. Written by Brit Rod Temperton. All of it, including the Vincent Price monologue. In a way, I think the video spoiled it. It was enough of a thrill on its own.
11 - “My Oh My,” Slade
Their first Top Five in almost a decade was this singalong, let’s-all-come-together power ballad. Not nearly as brilliant as “Run Runaway,” but a solid late addition to the hit pile.
10 - “Only You,” The Flying Pickets
The recent Christmas Number One was an a capella cover of Yazoo’s #2 ballad of the previous year, recorded by a group of fringe theatre actors. None of them are Alison Moyet, which is a big disadvantage, but it’s a nice version all the same, and different enough to deserve existence.
9 - “Hold Me Now,” Thompson Twins
The first Top Five for the three non-identical non-siblings was this striking pop song about lovers overcoming disagreements. Catchy, well-crafted, and extremely relatable.
8 - “Islands in the Stream,” Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton
Named for an Ernest Hemingway novel, this was originally written by the Bee Gees for Marvin Gaye, but it ended up in the hands of two country superstars. Another Triple Crown denied by Britain, and I’m on board with that. The voices just don’t work for me. I think Marvin might have done better.
7 - “Victims,” Culture Club
This piano ballad wasn’t released in North America, but it became their fifth Top Five here. It’s a song about a turbulent romance, inspired by George’s clandestine relationship with drummer Jon Moss. Not one of my favourites, but still very strong.
6 - “Relax,” Frankie Goes to Hollywood
We’ve covered this infamous, incomparable dance-pop bit of sex advice before, but this is an important week in the song’s history. It had been in the charts for two months, and had just managed to sneak into the Top 40. But on January 5, they performed it on Top of the Pops, and viewers responded by launching it into the Top Ten. Then on January 11, Radio One DJ Mike Read made a big show of pulling the “obscene” record off the air, vowing to never play it again. That pushed it up to #2 the next week, and a five-week run at the top and several more months on the chart followed. It’s one of the greatest examples of well-manipulated outrage ever.
5 - “Love of the Common People,” Paul Young
Young’s third hit was this cover of.a song first recorded by The Four Preps in 1967. The slick production may clash with the song’s theme of surviving poverty through faith and love, but Young gives it his all in the vocal, so it half-succeeds.
4 - “Tell Her About It,” Billy Joel
His Motown tribute was #1 at home, Top Five here. I like it much better that “Uptown Girl.” He seems more invested here.
3 - “Marguerita Time,” Status Quo
Our latest Quo encounter is with this country-pop sleepwalk about drowning the memories of a failed romance in rum-based beverages. This is what coasting in your name sounds like.
2 - “What is Love,” Howard Jones
HoJo’s biggest hit here. Fine synthpop about romantic doubt. I still feel his overall career is underrated.
1 - “Pipes of Peace,” Paul McCartney
Macca’s only true solo #1 was this bland, preachy anti-war pop song, accompanied by a video depicting the 1914 Christmas truce during World War I. It’s even more cloyingly Pollyanna than “Ebony and Ivory.” At least that had Stevie to help the medicine go down. This is Paul trying to be John and getting it entirely wrong.
Another one down. Next time, we return to the tournament. Forget the Super Bowl, these are the games that matter. See you then.
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