October 1981. This week, British Telecom announce that they would discontinue their telegram services within a year. They decided it was time to stop (stop). But the seven-inch vinyl single was still a viable form of communication, and here were the most purchased at this time.
40 - "Physical," Olivia Newton-John
ONJ goes unabashedly sexual on the dance-rocker that dominated the #1 spot in the States for 10 weeks, but missed the Triple Crown by only reaching #7 here. That must have left her unsatisfied, as she never reached #1 here without the help of John Travolta or ELO.
39 - "And Then She Kissed Me," Gary Glitter
The glam creep had his first hit of them decade with this gender-flipped cover of a 1963 Crystals hit. The track is pointless, the man is a justified pariah.
38 - "The Original Bird Dance," The Electronicas
The oom-pah-pah trifle that inspired the infamous Chicken Dance, here in it's original version by a Dutch group. It's annoying enough without the tweeting sound effects.
37 - "Nightmare," Gillan
The fifth hit for ex-Deep Purple vocalist Ian's eponymous band was this song about receiving unwanted female attention. Everything about it is just okay, including its 2.5 Headbangometer reading.
36 - "Maid of Orleans (The Waltz of Joan of Arc)," Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
The second of the Merseysiders' two Top Fives about the French Catholic martyr. A synthpop dirge that sounds like a blueprint for what New Order would soon do much better. This is just a dude sounding sad while noodling on a keyboard. If I were to imagine the music Ross from Friends made in high school, it would sound like this.
35 - "So This is Romance," Linx
The Britfunkers' fourth and final hit was this song about how his cousin's lady ran off to the islands and married a new guy. Kind of like off-brand, non-Ghostbusting Ray Parker Jr.
34 - "You'll Never Know," Hi-Gloss
This America group's only hit was slick funk on which a woman taunts a man about the love he missed out on with her. Sassy smoothness.
33 - "Slow Hand," The Pointer Sisters
The Pointers' triple Top Ten about relaxed lovemaking. It says pretty much the same thing Frankie Goes to Hollywood would a couple years later, only classier and with fewer references to orgasms and laser beams.
32 - "Dead Cities," The Exploited
This Scottish "streetpunk" band were best known to me for inspiring the "skeleton with a mohawk" image that I have seen emblazoned on leather and denim worn by various out-and-proud punks intermittently over the past 35 years or so. The one hit single they managed was this two-minute detonation of aggression and nihilism and loud, loud music. It's what people imagine punk to sound like, and it was probably the kind of thing the guy who wrote that infamous Quincy episode was listening to when inspiration struck.
31 - "Lock Up Your Daughters," Slade
The Wolverhamptonites second hit of this decade was this metal-inspired tune about teenage rebellion, particularly of the female variety. The track is good enough for a 3 on the Headbangometer, but Noddy doesn't sound as convincing a wild man as he once did. And maybe it's just me, but the primary riff of the song reminds me somewhat of the future smash "Money for Nothing." I don't think Dire Straits should be worried about lawsuits over that, but the way these issues seem to be evolving, who knows in what direction the line will move?
30 - "In and Out of Love," Imagination
Leee John's soul outfit had their second hit with this midtempo "can't live with or without her" jam. Slick radio pop with some nice vibraphone work. I forget how much I like the sound of a good vibraphone sometimes.
29 - "When She was My Girl," The Four Tops
The Motown legends' first hit in eight years was Top Five here, Top Ten in Canada, and #11 in the States. As always, Levi Stubbs makes you believe in what he's singing; in this case, how much he misses his ex and her big legs.
28 - "Tonight I'm Yours (Don't Hurt Me)," Rod Stewart
Rod in his "frenetic dance-rock" phase (see also "Young Turks"). Here he compares his sexual prowess to a hurricane, and says he wants to copulate non-stop for no less than a full day. And yet he's the one saying "Don't hurt me." It seems more likely that any injuries he may suffer would be self-inflicted.
27 - "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic," The Police
Their fourth #1 here was also their first brush with a Triple Crown, missing it by two U.S. chart places. Not surprisingly, Sting also boast about his stamina and resilience, although in this case, it's his ability to propose marriage numerous times per day and still absorb rejection well enough to continue. Tantric pestering, if you will.
26 - "When You Were Sweet Sixteen," The Fureys and Davie Arthur
These Dubliners of Irish Traveler heritage had their biggest hit with a cover of this sappy love song that was first a hit in 1900. That's not a typo. If you have a taste for tear-enhanced Guinness, this is for you.
25 - "Souvenir," Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
OMD again, this time with their first Top Five, this floaty number about steadfast obsession. I like this one better. It seems less contrived, and maybe I like Paul Humphreys as a singer better than Andy McCluskey. I don't know.
24 - "Mad Eyed Screamer," The Creatures
Siouxsie Sioux and her Banshees drummer had their first hit with this, the A of one of two 7-inch singles packaged together as the Wild Things EP. Frenetic goth-rock inspired by some of the interesting characters they encountered in London's Hyde Park. You can almost hear the apocalyptic ranting.
23 - "Invisible Sun," The Police
More from the Coppers, this time a brooding, slow-burning rocker about living under the spectre of war and holding on to hope. We were still in a time when "serious Sting" didn't elicit justifiable groans.
22 - "Tainted Love," Soft Cell
The duo's Gloria Jones cover was not just their first hit, it got two-thirds of the Triple Crown, and made it to #8 in the States. It's still chilly brilliance, but I am still of the opinion that it works best when it's blended into "Where Did Our Love Go."
21 - "Quiet Life," Japan
The Catford band's first hit was this re-release of a 1979 single, put out by their former label after their current album started selling well. It's new wave with a lot of disco elements, and it almost certainly was an influence on Duran Duran. And ironically for their breakthrough hit, it's about being stuck short of success. You really never know.
In Part Two: rudeness, celebration, and the possible Grand Champion of Uneasy Riders of the Universe.
Wednesday, October 30, 2019
Thursday, October 24, 2019
The OMUTURE: Round 1, Part 2
Welcome to the second first-round bracket of the tournament. A lot of social issues covered here, with a couple of wild card matchups. And for once I've done the sensible thing and made a YouTube playlist so you can follow along. Find it at https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDWLXjsOJPQmj9ENsMx2JUiiEHKOecCTf
Here we go.
THE SMALL TOWN DRAMA BOWL
"Coward of the County," Kenny Rogers, 1980
vs. "Stranger in Town," Toto, 1984
Two songs that prove that scandalous happenings aren't limited to big cities. Country star Rogers reached #3 with the story of a man who rejects violence until three local n'er-do-wells sexually assault his wife. Then, a Los Angeles band hit #30 with the tale of an escaped convict who is hidden in a barn by a group of children who believe that he might be Jesus Christ.
Final Score: Coward 28, Stranger 21. Kenny's team didn't seem to want to be playing such a violent game for the first three quarters, which allowed the Strangers to dominate with their aggressive tactics that seemed to cross the line beyond fair play, even though their youngest fans didn't see it that way. But there came a point where Toto took their tactics too far, and the County boys unleashed their fury and came out on top. The Strangers were in a hurry to leave the field, and no one has seen them since.
THE UNPLANNED PREGNANCY BOWL
"Papa Don't Preach," Madonna, 1986
vs. "The Valley Road," Bruce Hornsby and the Range, 1988
Two songs about women who unexpectedly themselves in a family way. Ms. Ciccone had a #1 with a song about a teenage girl trying to convince her father that she and her boyfriend can adequately raise the child she's carrying. Meanwhile, Hornsby and company got to #5 with the tale of a rich girl who is forced to leave town for a while after a being inseminated by a poor boy.
Final Score: Papa 10, Valley 7. Both sides scored on their first possessions, but they then seemed to concentrate on defense for the rest of the game. In the end, Madonna's side nosed ahead and managed to hang on thanks to the support of their coaching staff, while Hornsby was hampered by a questionable decision to bench the quarterback and the receiver who hooked up for the touchdown for the last three quarters.
THE CHALK AND CHEESE BOWL
"To All the Girls I've Loved Before," Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson, 1984
vs. "'Til I Loved You," Barbra Streisand and Don Johnson, 1988
Two unlikely duets. First, a Spanish crooner and a Texan country star went to #5 by bonding over the fact that they've gotten a lot of feminine action over the years. Then, an accomplished singer teamed up with the then-love interest, the star of Miami Vice, made it to #25 by declaring that their lives lacked meaning before they met each other.
Final Score: Girls 45, You 3. While this isn't the kind of football Julio grew up playing, Willie knew enough about the game to allow his European teammate to showcase his skills and rack up points. Streisand and Johnson just never clicked. She seemed to carry the bulk of the offense, while he was just along for the ride. Also, he refused to play in anything other than his pastel suit and shoes without socks, and she spent more time worrying whether or not the cameras were capturing her from flattering angles than trying to win the game.
THE FANTASY AND REALITY OF MARRIED LIFE BOWL
"I've Never Been to Me," Charlene, 1982
vs. "Coming Around Again," Carly Simon, 1987
Two songs with differing views of matrimony. A Californian reached #2 with a five-year-old record about a woman whose led a globetrotting jet-set lifestyle but is jealous of those who opt for the traditional lives of wives and mothers. Five years later, singer-songwriter Simon hit #18 with a tune about how married life is more screaming babies and burnt dinners than hearts and flowers.
Final Score: Never 31, Coming 14. Charlene's team was made up of players with extensive experience around the world, while Carly's side had only played close to home. The variety and quantity of things the Never Beens new proved to be their advantage in this game, but for some reason, they told their beaten opponents that they were jealous that the Around side was now able to return to domestic life while they had to move on to a new adventure.
THE TEMPTATION BOWL
"Don't Stand So Close to Me," The Police, 1981
vs. "Family Man," Daryl Hall and John Oates, 1983
Two songs about men who are presented with inappropriate sexual opportunities. England's Police reached #10 with a song about a teacher who lusts after one of his underage students. Meanwhile, a Philadelphia duo got to #6 with a tale of a guy with a wife and kids trying to fend off the advances of a prostitute.
Final Score: Stand 14, Family 0. Both teams played with restraint for most of the game, almost as if they were deliberately trying not to score. But it was the Police who eventually gave themselves the green light to go where they wanted to go, while the Hall/Oates team didn't commit to trying to go all the way until it was too late. There have been questions about whether some of the Close players are old enough to be playing this game, but for now, they are moving on to the next round.
THE UNUSUAL ADDRESSES BOWL
"Electric Avenue," Eddy Grant, 1983
vs. "Alphabet St.," Prince, 1988
Two tracks about interesting fictional thoroughfares. Guyanese native Grant hit #2 with an invitation to go to a charged road, and then go higher. Later, Prince got to #8 by declaring his attention to go to a street named for the building blocks of written language to pick up a lady on his way to Tennessee.
Final Score: Electric 34, Alphabet 14. The gang from the Avenue worked hard like soldiers, and played with the heart of warriors, and it was too much for the loosey-goosey Street team. After the game, Coach Prince told Coach Grant that if he didn't mind, he would like to watch...the Electrics next game.
THE YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SO INTENSE BOWL
"Every Breath You Take," The Police, 1983
vs. "Relax," Frankie Goes to Hollywood, 1985
Two songs with different approaches to romance. Sting's band had a #1 by pledging to follow their beloved's every move. Two years later, another English group made it to #10 by advising lovers not to be so eager to get to the, er, climax of an intimate encounter.
Final Score: Relax 28, Breath 0. The Police team came in planning to employ their stifling man-to-man defense and let the game come to them. But the Frankies would not be rattled, and they made the Takers let down their guard before scheming their schemes and hitting their opponents with their laser-beam precise passing attack. The Breath team do plan to go to the next round, but they can only go as spectators. But some observers believe that they like it that way.
THE OLD AND THE LIDLESS BOWL
"Touch of Grey," The Grateful Dead, 1987
vs. "Pop Goes the World," Men Without Hats, 1988
A pair of songs with interesting views of the world. First, the jam-band institution got to #9 with a song about people wearing shoes on their hands and cows that produce combustible hydrocarbon liquid rather than milk. Then, a group from Montreal hit #20 by picturing the human race as a band led by a guitarist named Johnny and a bassist named Jenny.
Final Score: Touch 24. Pop 10. The Dead team rose to the occasion, confusing the Hatless ones to the point where they didn't know what planet they were on. The Greys will continue on, not paying their rent and leaving their dog unfed. The World side shook off their loss and ended up in some disco, dancing all night.
THE HARD TIMES IN THE HEARTLAND BOWL
"Allentown," Billy Joel, 1983
vs. "My Hometown," Bruce Springsteen, 1986
Two songs about communities facing economic hardship. Billy hit #17 with a depiction of a real Pennsylvania town that was devastated by the closure of its steel plants. Later, Bruce reached #6 with the tale of a man lamenting the economic and social decline of his unidentified municipality.
Final Score: Allentown 13, Hometown 3. Both teams came in seeming beaten-down and lacking motivation, but Joel's side were able to channel their anger and summon the fighting spirit passed on from their fathers to get the win. Neither team is returning from whence they came: Billy's boys are on to the next round, while the Springsteen side are reportedly considering heading south.
THE TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMICS BOWL
"Rain on the Scarecrow," John Cougar Mellencamp, 1986
vs. "Money's Too Tight (To Mention)," Simply Red, 1986
Two songs about the negative effects of the economic policies of Ronald Reagan. Indianan Mellencamp got to #21 with a song about the struggles of farmers just trying to make enough to avoid foreclosure. That same year, a British group hit #28 with a cover of a soul song about how Reaganomics wasn't so good for those at the bottom of the economic ladder.
Final Score: Scarecrow 48, Money 7. The Cougar team was full of farm boys with something to prove, and they easily defeated the Simple Englishmen, who didn't really understand the game or the playbook. They will have to find another way to buy their kids brand new shoes.
THE LIFE'S AN ESKIMO PIE, LET'S TAKE A BITE BOWL
"Ebony and Ivory," Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, 1982
vs. "People are People," Depeche Mode, 1985
Two songs that make the case for racial harmony. Two pop legends teamed up for a #1 that uses the example of the different-coloured keys on a piano to show how we could all live together. Then, a British synth band hit #13 with a song that just seems bemused by the idea of people being prejudiced against each other because of the colour of their skin.
Final Score: Ebony 34, People 6. The McCartney/Wonder team was filled with parts that perfectly complemented one another, creating a game plan that came together beautifully. The Mode squad, in contrast, got along awfully, to the point where some of them were punching and kicking and shouting at each other on the sideline. After the game, when asked what went wrong, the Depeche coach turned the tables on the reporters, asking them to help him understand.
THE REMEMBER THIS GUY BOWL
"A Fine Fine Day," Tony Carey, 1984
vs. "The First Day of Summer," Tony Carey, 1984
A battle between the only two Top 40 hits by a California native who once played keyboards for the band Rainbow. First, he went to #22 with the story about how his Uncle Sonny was involved in some shady business when he was a child. Then he hit #33 by singing about his own youthful misdeeds, perpetrated alongside his friend "The Kid."
Final Score: First 27, Fine 9. The boys of Summer had youth on their side, which gave them the advantage over their Fine opposition, whose star player, Sonny, seemed to disappear during halftime. But the remaining Carey crew have their issues, as their own best player, The Kid, stole the team bus containing all their gear after the game, and he hasn't been heard from since.
THE WHAT HATH BOB WROUGHT BOWL
"Do They Know It's Christmas," Band Aid, 1985
vs. "We are the World," USA for Africa, 1985
The two major all-star charity singles inspired by reports of the devastation caused by a famine in Ethiopia. Bob Geldof and Midge Ure struck first by gathering British stars such as George Michael, Sting, and Duran Duran for a holiday-themed number that topped charts almost everywhere. In America, however, it stalled at #13. Shortly afterward, the Yanks got in on the act, assembling talents ranging from Kenny Rogers and Cyndi Lauper to Bob Dylan and Ray Charles to perform a Michael Jackson/Lionel Richie ballad for the cause. They, of course, made it to #1 in their homeland.
Final Score: World 52, Christmas 42. The amount of talent on the field was impressive, and many of the stars had moments of individual brilliance. In the end, Team USA just had a few more of those moments, and it was a spectacular hookup between Bruce Springsteen and Stevie Wonder that clinched the victory. In the Band Aid locker room after the game, Bono attempted to rouse his defeated side by saying it was better that they were the ones going on to the next round, or as he put it: "Thank God it's them instead of you." But rather than being inspired by these words, his teammates were confused and offended.
THE STACKED DECK BOWL
"Sun City," Artists United Against Apartheid, 1986
vs. "The Way it Is," Bruce Hornsby and the Range, 1986
Two songs that unambiguously attack institutional racism. E. Street band guitarist Steven Van Zandt convinced his Boss and a wide variety of musicians from around the world to record a protest record against performers who play at a segregated resort in Apartheid South Africa. They hit #38. Later that year, Mr. Hornsby and his band went to #1 singing about how African-Americans continue to suffer social and economic oppression.
Final Score: City 45, Way 6. An overwhelming Artistic triumph, with the passion of the anti-apartheid campaigners proving too much for the subtle approach of the Hornsby team. Even worse, the losing side was heckled as they left the field by a man in a silk suit, who, just for fun, taunted them by yelling "Get a job!"
THE FAKE NEWS BOWL
"Dirty Laundry," Don Henley, 1983
vs. "Rumors," Timex Social Club, 1986
Two songs about unreliable sources of information. Henley went to #3 with a song about how television news was more about entertainment and exploitation than truly reflecting the important events of the day. Three years later, a California group got to #8 by decrying gossip and those who spread it.
Final Score: Laundry 41, Rumors 13. The Dirty squad lived up to their name by kicking their opponents when they were up and when they were down. The Timex team was unable to keep on ticking in the face of the vicious falsehoods Henley's players repeated to then in between plays. Some members of the defeated side decided they needed somebody to lean on, and they were reportedly looking into joining a new (or nouveau, if you speak French) club.
THE STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER BOWL
"America," Neil Diamond, 1981
vs. "Living in America," James Brown, 1986
Two songs that celebrate the United States. Neil reached #8 with a song from his movie The Jazz Singer about the U.S.A. being a beacon of hope and opportunity for immigrants from around the world. James, meanwhile, hit #4 with the number he led Apollo Creed to the ring with in Rocky IV; a funky ode to America's highways, railroads, radio stations, and all-night diners.
Final Score: Brown 27, Diamond 17. Neil's players were eager to play this game, having travelled from all over the world, by land and by sea, to participate. But perhaps that travel made them too weary, because they seemed drained late in the game, while James' gang, who had been at the game's location for many years, still had plenty of energy. And they weren't shy about expressing how good they felt at the end. Sadly, it seems Diamond's father was so disappointed by the loss that he reportedly disowned his son in melodramatic fashion.
Here we go.
THE SMALL TOWN DRAMA BOWL
"Coward of the County," Kenny Rogers, 1980
vs. "Stranger in Town," Toto, 1984
Two songs that prove that scandalous happenings aren't limited to big cities. Country star Rogers reached #3 with the story of a man who rejects violence until three local n'er-do-wells sexually assault his wife. Then, a Los Angeles band hit #30 with the tale of an escaped convict who is hidden in a barn by a group of children who believe that he might be Jesus Christ.
Final Score: Coward 28, Stranger 21. Kenny's team didn't seem to want to be playing such a violent game for the first three quarters, which allowed the Strangers to dominate with their aggressive tactics that seemed to cross the line beyond fair play, even though their youngest fans didn't see it that way. But there came a point where Toto took their tactics too far, and the County boys unleashed their fury and came out on top. The Strangers were in a hurry to leave the field, and no one has seen them since.
THE UNPLANNED PREGNANCY BOWL
"Papa Don't Preach," Madonna, 1986
vs. "The Valley Road," Bruce Hornsby and the Range, 1988
Two songs about women who unexpectedly themselves in a family way. Ms. Ciccone had a #1 with a song about a teenage girl trying to convince her father that she and her boyfriend can adequately raise the child she's carrying. Meanwhile, Hornsby and company got to #5 with the tale of a rich girl who is forced to leave town for a while after a being inseminated by a poor boy.
Final Score: Papa 10, Valley 7. Both sides scored on their first possessions, but they then seemed to concentrate on defense for the rest of the game. In the end, Madonna's side nosed ahead and managed to hang on thanks to the support of their coaching staff, while Hornsby was hampered by a questionable decision to bench the quarterback and the receiver who hooked up for the touchdown for the last three quarters.
THE CHALK AND CHEESE BOWL
"To All the Girls I've Loved Before," Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson, 1984
vs. "'Til I Loved You," Barbra Streisand and Don Johnson, 1988
Two unlikely duets. First, a Spanish crooner and a Texan country star went to #5 by bonding over the fact that they've gotten a lot of feminine action over the years. Then, an accomplished singer teamed up with the then-love interest, the star of Miami Vice, made it to #25 by declaring that their lives lacked meaning before they met each other.
Final Score: Girls 45, You 3. While this isn't the kind of football Julio grew up playing, Willie knew enough about the game to allow his European teammate to showcase his skills and rack up points. Streisand and Johnson just never clicked. She seemed to carry the bulk of the offense, while he was just along for the ride. Also, he refused to play in anything other than his pastel suit and shoes without socks, and she spent more time worrying whether or not the cameras were capturing her from flattering angles than trying to win the game.
THE FANTASY AND REALITY OF MARRIED LIFE BOWL
"I've Never Been to Me," Charlene, 1982
vs. "Coming Around Again," Carly Simon, 1987
Two songs with differing views of matrimony. A Californian reached #2 with a five-year-old record about a woman whose led a globetrotting jet-set lifestyle but is jealous of those who opt for the traditional lives of wives and mothers. Five years later, singer-songwriter Simon hit #18 with a tune about how married life is more screaming babies and burnt dinners than hearts and flowers.
Final Score: Never 31, Coming 14. Charlene's team was made up of players with extensive experience around the world, while Carly's side had only played close to home. The variety and quantity of things the Never Beens new proved to be their advantage in this game, but for some reason, they told their beaten opponents that they were jealous that the Around side was now able to return to domestic life while they had to move on to a new adventure.
THE TEMPTATION BOWL
"Don't Stand So Close to Me," The Police, 1981
vs. "Family Man," Daryl Hall and John Oates, 1983
Two songs about men who are presented with inappropriate sexual opportunities. England's Police reached #10 with a song about a teacher who lusts after one of his underage students. Meanwhile, a Philadelphia duo got to #6 with a tale of a guy with a wife and kids trying to fend off the advances of a prostitute.
Final Score: Stand 14, Family 0. Both teams played with restraint for most of the game, almost as if they were deliberately trying not to score. But it was the Police who eventually gave themselves the green light to go where they wanted to go, while the Hall/Oates team didn't commit to trying to go all the way until it was too late. There have been questions about whether some of the Close players are old enough to be playing this game, but for now, they are moving on to the next round.
THE UNUSUAL ADDRESSES BOWL
"Electric Avenue," Eddy Grant, 1983
vs. "Alphabet St.," Prince, 1988
Two tracks about interesting fictional thoroughfares. Guyanese native Grant hit #2 with an invitation to go to a charged road, and then go higher. Later, Prince got to #8 by declaring his attention to go to a street named for the building blocks of written language to pick up a lady on his way to Tennessee.
Final Score: Electric 34, Alphabet 14. The gang from the Avenue worked hard like soldiers, and played with the heart of warriors, and it was too much for the loosey-goosey Street team. After the game, Coach Prince told Coach Grant that if he didn't mind, he would like to watch...the Electrics next game.
THE YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SO INTENSE BOWL
"Every Breath You Take," The Police, 1983
vs. "Relax," Frankie Goes to Hollywood, 1985
Two songs with different approaches to romance. Sting's band had a #1 by pledging to follow their beloved's every move. Two years later, another English group made it to #10 by advising lovers not to be so eager to get to the, er, climax of an intimate encounter.
Final Score: Relax 28, Breath 0. The Police team came in planning to employ their stifling man-to-man defense and let the game come to them. But the Frankies would not be rattled, and they made the Takers let down their guard before scheming their schemes and hitting their opponents with their laser-beam precise passing attack. The Breath team do plan to go to the next round, but they can only go as spectators. But some observers believe that they like it that way.
THE OLD AND THE LIDLESS BOWL
"Touch of Grey," The Grateful Dead, 1987
vs. "Pop Goes the World," Men Without Hats, 1988
A pair of songs with interesting views of the world. First, the jam-band institution got to #9 with a song about people wearing shoes on their hands and cows that produce combustible hydrocarbon liquid rather than milk. Then, a group from Montreal hit #20 by picturing the human race as a band led by a guitarist named Johnny and a bassist named Jenny.
Final Score: Touch 24. Pop 10. The Dead team rose to the occasion, confusing the Hatless ones to the point where they didn't know what planet they were on. The Greys will continue on, not paying their rent and leaving their dog unfed. The World side shook off their loss and ended up in some disco, dancing all night.
THE HARD TIMES IN THE HEARTLAND BOWL
"Allentown," Billy Joel, 1983
vs. "My Hometown," Bruce Springsteen, 1986
Two songs about communities facing economic hardship. Billy hit #17 with a depiction of a real Pennsylvania town that was devastated by the closure of its steel plants. Later, Bruce reached #6 with the tale of a man lamenting the economic and social decline of his unidentified municipality.
Final Score: Allentown 13, Hometown 3. Both teams came in seeming beaten-down and lacking motivation, but Joel's side were able to channel their anger and summon the fighting spirit passed on from their fathers to get the win. Neither team is returning from whence they came: Billy's boys are on to the next round, while the Springsteen side are reportedly considering heading south.
THE TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMICS BOWL
"Rain on the Scarecrow," John Cougar Mellencamp, 1986
vs. "Money's Too Tight (To Mention)," Simply Red, 1986
Two songs about the negative effects of the economic policies of Ronald Reagan. Indianan Mellencamp got to #21 with a song about the struggles of farmers just trying to make enough to avoid foreclosure. That same year, a British group hit #28 with a cover of a soul song about how Reaganomics wasn't so good for those at the bottom of the economic ladder.
Final Score: Scarecrow 48, Money 7. The Cougar team was full of farm boys with something to prove, and they easily defeated the Simple Englishmen, who didn't really understand the game or the playbook. They will have to find another way to buy their kids brand new shoes.
THE LIFE'S AN ESKIMO PIE, LET'S TAKE A BITE BOWL
"Ebony and Ivory," Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, 1982
vs. "People are People," Depeche Mode, 1985
Two songs that make the case for racial harmony. Two pop legends teamed up for a #1 that uses the example of the different-coloured keys on a piano to show how we could all live together. Then, a British synth band hit #13 with a song that just seems bemused by the idea of people being prejudiced against each other because of the colour of their skin.
Final Score: Ebony 34, People 6. The McCartney/Wonder team was filled with parts that perfectly complemented one another, creating a game plan that came together beautifully. The Mode squad, in contrast, got along awfully, to the point where some of them were punching and kicking and shouting at each other on the sideline. After the game, when asked what went wrong, the Depeche coach turned the tables on the reporters, asking them to help him understand.
THE REMEMBER THIS GUY BOWL
"A Fine Fine Day," Tony Carey, 1984
vs. "The First Day of Summer," Tony Carey, 1984
A battle between the only two Top 40 hits by a California native who once played keyboards for the band Rainbow. First, he went to #22 with the story about how his Uncle Sonny was involved in some shady business when he was a child. Then he hit #33 by singing about his own youthful misdeeds, perpetrated alongside his friend "The Kid."
Final Score: First 27, Fine 9. The boys of Summer had youth on their side, which gave them the advantage over their Fine opposition, whose star player, Sonny, seemed to disappear during halftime. But the remaining Carey crew have their issues, as their own best player, The Kid, stole the team bus containing all their gear after the game, and he hasn't been heard from since.
THE WHAT HATH BOB WROUGHT BOWL
"Do They Know It's Christmas," Band Aid, 1985
vs. "We are the World," USA for Africa, 1985
The two major all-star charity singles inspired by reports of the devastation caused by a famine in Ethiopia. Bob Geldof and Midge Ure struck first by gathering British stars such as George Michael, Sting, and Duran Duran for a holiday-themed number that topped charts almost everywhere. In America, however, it stalled at #13. Shortly afterward, the Yanks got in on the act, assembling talents ranging from Kenny Rogers and Cyndi Lauper to Bob Dylan and Ray Charles to perform a Michael Jackson/Lionel Richie ballad for the cause. They, of course, made it to #1 in their homeland.
Final Score: World 52, Christmas 42. The amount of talent on the field was impressive, and many of the stars had moments of individual brilliance. In the end, Team USA just had a few more of those moments, and it was a spectacular hookup between Bruce Springsteen and Stevie Wonder that clinched the victory. In the Band Aid locker room after the game, Bono attempted to rouse his defeated side by saying it was better that they were the ones going on to the next round, or as he put it: "Thank God it's them instead of you." But rather than being inspired by these words, his teammates were confused and offended.
THE STACKED DECK BOWL
"Sun City," Artists United Against Apartheid, 1986
vs. "The Way it Is," Bruce Hornsby and the Range, 1986
Two songs that unambiguously attack institutional racism. E. Street band guitarist Steven Van Zandt convinced his Boss and a wide variety of musicians from around the world to record a protest record against performers who play at a segregated resort in Apartheid South Africa. They hit #38. Later that year, Mr. Hornsby and his band went to #1 singing about how African-Americans continue to suffer social and economic oppression.
Final Score: City 45, Way 6. An overwhelming Artistic triumph, with the passion of the anti-apartheid campaigners proving too much for the subtle approach of the Hornsby team. Even worse, the losing side was heckled as they left the field by a man in a silk suit, who, just for fun, taunted them by yelling "Get a job!"
THE FAKE NEWS BOWL
"Dirty Laundry," Don Henley, 1983
vs. "Rumors," Timex Social Club, 1986
Two songs about unreliable sources of information. Henley went to #3 with a song about how television news was more about entertainment and exploitation than truly reflecting the important events of the day. Three years later, a California group got to #8 by decrying gossip and those who spread it.
Final Score: Laundry 41, Rumors 13. The Dirty squad lived up to their name by kicking their opponents when they were up and when they were down. The Timex team was unable to keep on ticking in the face of the vicious falsehoods Henley's players repeated to then in between plays. Some members of the defeated side decided they needed somebody to lean on, and they were reportedly looking into joining a new (or nouveau, if you speak French) club.
THE STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER BOWL
"America," Neil Diamond, 1981
vs. "Living in America," James Brown, 1986
Two songs that celebrate the United States. Neil reached #8 with a song from his movie The Jazz Singer about the U.S.A. being a beacon of hope and opportunity for immigrants from around the world. James, meanwhile, hit #4 with the number he led Apollo Creed to the ring with in Rocky IV; a funky ode to America's highways, railroads, radio stations, and all-night diners.
Final Score: Brown 27, Diamond 17. Neil's players were eager to play this game, having travelled from all over the world, by land and by sea, to participate. But perhaps that travel made them too weary, because they seemed drained late in the game, while James' gang, who had been at the game's location for many years, still had plenty of energy. And they weren't shy about expressing how good they felt at the end. Sadly, it seems Diamond's father was so disappointed by the loss that he reportedly disowned his son in melodramatic fashion.
Thursday, October 17, 2019
AOMA: UKT40 October 6, 1984 Part Two
The back end.
20 - "Human Racing," Nik Kershaw
The fourth hit for the Bristol popmeister was this semi-ballad about how life is a cutthroat competition or some such thing. The main thing I got from this is that his voice here reminds me of Stevie Wonder. Not a discovery I ever expected to make.
19 - "Hammer to Fall," Queen
Their 25th Top 40 was this bracing rocker that seems to be about the fear of an escalation of the Cold War, possibly including nuclear attack. This year seemed to be a high point of that anxiety. Maybe it was uncertainty caused by the high turnover rate for Russian premiers at the time. Anyway, we survived, and this song still makes me want to punch the air, so all that gear was clearly worth it.
18 - "Dr. Beat," Miami Sound Machine
Before they broke through in their homeland, the Florida group fronted by Gloria Estefan went Top Ten across the pond with this request for medical assistance with the problem of continuous dancing. How a physician who seems to specialize in providing of the basic elements of dance music was supposed to cure this alleged ailment, I cannot fathom. But as this was the band's first English-language single, they probably didn't spend much time pondering that paradox. And this was catchy enough that no one else did either,
17 - "East of Eden," Big Country
These Scots had their fifth hit with this song about searching for meaning and inspiration. They were clearly entrenched in the same "we rock more meaningfully than the rest of you dummies" camp that U2 has kept their tent firmly pitched in all these years. If there's a hook in it, it's fine, but if their isn't, like on this, you're just sitting and waiting for them to finish.
16 - "Agadoo," Black Lace
These Brits, who got their first break when they were picked to represent the U.K. at Eurovision in 1979, had their biggest hit with this silly dance tune about learning a dance from a Hawaiian hula girl that involves pushing pineapples and grinding coffee. I'd say this song has no reason to exist, but I can't, because it was the inspiration for Spitting Image's "The Chicken Song." So thank you, you "two wet gits."
15 - "Drive," The Cars
The Boston band's only Triple Top Ten was this ballad about dealing with a friend or lover's self-destructive behaviour. It may not bear much resemblance to their early stuff, but that does not make it any less of a transcendent pop song, and the moment that I will remember the late Benjamin Orr most for.
14 - "Big in Japan," Alphaville
Although now best remembered for their anthemic ballad "Forever Young," this German group had their biggest British chart success with this synthpopper that compares an addiction to heroin to being a rock band ignored at home but famous in Tokyo. I don't quite get it, but it's got a bouncy magic to it, and it's performed with conviction. This should have been big everywhere.
13 - "Apollo 9," Adam Ant
Stuart Goddard's fifth solo hit was this exuberant nonsense about going to space after a breakup. It doesn't say anything, but it created a crazily joyful noise.
12 - "A Letter to You," Shakin' Stevens
The shaky one's twelfth Top Ten was this about mailing rainbows, flowers, hugs, and even the moon in one envelope to a loved one. One of his sillier slices of fake rockabilly, but there's a charm in it's over-the-topness.
11 - "Careless Whisper," George Michael
The Triple Crown-winning guilt ballad credited at home to just George but to Wham! featuring George in North America, which appeared on a Wham! album and was written by George and Andrew but Andrew isn't on the record. Such a convoluted provenance for a strbaightforward pop record. It sounds like it was crafted to be a #1, but not in a bad way.
10 - "Love Kills," Freddie Mercury
In spite of what Bohemian Rhapsody may have told you, Freddie's first solo single was in the charts right alongside his band. This is propulsive synth-disco, produced and written with Giorgio Moroder, about how love isn't always what we think it should be. Freddie could definitely thrive in this arena, but not as many people wanted to go there with him as he'd hoped at the time.
9 - "If it Happens Again," UB40
The Birmingham reggae outfit's seventh Top Ten was this song on which they lament the re-election of Margaret Thatcher and threaten their own Brexit if she won the next time. Yes, she did, and yes, they stayed. But this is still a powerful track, and proof that they didn't completely lose their way right after "Red Red Wine."
8 - "Purple Rain," Prince
It amazes me that the most epic power ballad ever didn't even get a single jewel of the Triple Crown. #2 in America, #3 in Canada, and #6 here. Baffling. Maybe if his original idea of doing it as a country duet with Stevie Nicks had come off...No. This is the form it was meant to take, and we were all fools not to reach out for something new.
7 - "Blue Jean," David Bowie
Davey Boy the Songsmith went Triple Top Ten with this R&B-rocker about a police-bike-riding, camouflage-faced lady. A decent attempt to continue with the Let's Dance sound, but Nile Rogers is much missed.
6 - "Why," Bronski Beat
The second Top Ten for Jimmy Somerville's groundbreaking crew was this unapologetic disco-rocker that questions why homosexuality causes such visceral and violent reactions in those who don't understand or approve of it. The repetition of the phrase "you and me together, fighting for our love" couldn't help but become a rallying anthem. This was a band that finally said explicitly what the disco and dance music before it only declared in code.
5 - "Lost in Music," Sister Sledge
This remix of the sisters' 1979 #17 got 13 places higher than the original. The differences aren't radical, which is fine, because it was pretty great in the first place. More proof that Nile Rodgers was the last genius of the disco era.
4 - "Pride (In the Name of Love)," U2
Their American breakthrough was their first Top Five here. It had that sheen of self-seriousness, but the anger still came through. They would find that balance harder to maintain as time went on,
3 - "The War Song," Culture Club
This lead single from their third album was so hotly anticipated that it debuted all the way up here, but it would only go up one more place. It's easily their biggest misfire. This was an attempt to do the same thing Edwin Starr did on "War," but it sounded naive and petulant rather than righteous and strident. Frankie Goes to Hollywood had the better idea of just covering the original around this time.
2 - "Ghostbusters," Ray Parker Jr.
Britain denied the theme for the spectre-chasing adventures of Venkman, Stantz, Spengler and Zeddemore a Triple Crown. Then Huey Lewis denied him an undisclosed amount of money for ripping off "I Want a New Drug." Ray should have been afraid after all.
1 - "I Just Called to Say I Love You," Stevie Wonder
No, it doesn't seem right that this sapstorm was Stevie's only Triple Crown winner (and only U.K.#1!). But going back over it, I have to say that it's perfectly made to be what it was: a catchy, upbeat pop love song for a silly comedy. He could, and did, do much more, but I can't fault him for filling an order. Even if you can paint masterpieces, if they ask for dogs playing poker, it's okay to give them dogs playing poker.
Next we return to the 80s tournament of the riders of the uneasy variety. Come back, if you'd like, to watch the madness.
20 - "Human Racing," Nik Kershaw
The fourth hit for the Bristol popmeister was this semi-ballad about how life is a cutthroat competition or some such thing. The main thing I got from this is that his voice here reminds me of Stevie Wonder. Not a discovery I ever expected to make.
19 - "Hammer to Fall," Queen
Their 25th Top 40 was this bracing rocker that seems to be about the fear of an escalation of the Cold War, possibly including nuclear attack. This year seemed to be a high point of that anxiety. Maybe it was uncertainty caused by the high turnover rate for Russian premiers at the time. Anyway, we survived, and this song still makes me want to punch the air, so all that gear was clearly worth it.
18 - "Dr. Beat," Miami Sound Machine
Before they broke through in their homeland, the Florida group fronted by Gloria Estefan went Top Ten across the pond with this request for medical assistance with the problem of continuous dancing. How a physician who seems to specialize in providing of the basic elements of dance music was supposed to cure this alleged ailment, I cannot fathom. But as this was the band's first English-language single, they probably didn't spend much time pondering that paradox. And this was catchy enough that no one else did either,
17 - "East of Eden," Big Country
These Scots had their fifth hit with this song about searching for meaning and inspiration. They were clearly entrenched in the same "we rock more meaningfully than the rest of you dummies" camp that U2 has kept their tent firmly pitched in all these years. If there's a hook in it, it's fine, but if their isn't, like on this, you're just sitting and waiting for them to finish.
16 - "Agadoo," Black Lace
These Brits, who got their first break when they were picked to represent the U.K. at Eurovision in 1979, had their biggest hit with this silly dance tune about learning a dance from a Hawaiian hula girl that involves pushing pineapples and grinding coffee. I'd say this song has no reason to exist, but I can't, because it was the inspiration for Spitting Image's "The Chicken Song." So thank you, you "two wet gits."
15 - "Drive," The Cars
The Boston band's only Triple Top Ten was this ballad about dealing with a friend or lover's self-destructive behaviour. It may not bear much resemblance to their early stuff, but that does not make it any less of a transcendent pop song, and the moment that I will remember the late Benjamin Orr most for.
14 - "Big in Japan," Alphaville
Although now best remembered for their anthemic ballad "Forever Young," this German group had their biggest British chart success with this synthpopper that compares an addiction to heroin to being a rock band ignored at home but famous in Tokyo. I don't quite get it, but it's got a bouncy magic to it, and it's performed with conviction. This should have been big everywhere.
13 - "Apollo 9," Adam Ant
Stuart Goddard's fifth solo hit was this exuberant nonsense about going to space after a breakup. It doesn't say anything, but it created a crazily joyful noise.
12 - "A Letter to You," Shakin' Stevens
The shaky one's twelfth Top Ten was this about mailing rainbows, flowers, hugs, and even the moon in one envelope to a loved one. One of his sillier slices of fake rockabilly, but there's a charm in it's over-the-topness.
11 - "Careless Whisper," George Michael
The Triple Crown-winning guilt ballad credited at home to just George but to Wham! featuring George in North America, which appeared on a Wham! album and was written by George and Andrew but Andrew isn't on the record. Such a convoluted provenance for a strbaightforward pop record. It sounds like it was crafted to be a #1, but not in a bad way.
10 - "Love Kills," Freddie Mercury
In spite of what Bohemian Rhapsody may have told you, Freddie's first solo single was in the charts right alongside his band. This is propulsive synth-disco, produced and written with Giorgio Moroder, about how love isn't always what we think it should be. Freddie could definitely thrive in this arena, but not as many people wanted to go there with him as he'd hoped at the time.
9 - "If it Happens Again," UB40
The Birmingham reggae outfit's seventh Top Ten was this song on which they lament the re-election of Margaret Thatcher and threaten their own Brexit if she won the next time. Yes, she did, and yes, they stayed. But this is still a powerful track, and proof that they didn't completely lose their way right after "Red Red Wine."
8 - "Purple Rain," Prince
It amazes me that the most epic power ballad ever didn't even get a single jewel of the Triple Crown. #2 in America, #3 in Canada, and #6 here. Baffling. Maybe if his original idea of doing it as a country duet with Stevie Nicks had come off...No. This is the form it was meant to take, and we were all fools not to reach out for something new.
7 - "Blue Jean," David Bowie
Davey Boy the Songsmith went Triple Top Ten with this R&B-rocker about a police-bike-riding, camouflage-faced lady. A decent attempt to continue with the Let's Dance sound, but Nile Rogers is much missed.
6 - "Why," Bronski Beat
The second Top Ten for Jimmy Somerville's groundbreaking crew was this unapologetic disco-rocker that questions why homosexuality causes such visceral and violent reactions in those who don't understand or approve of it. The repetition of the phrase "you and me together, fighting for our love" couldn't help but become a rallying anthem. This was a band that finally said explicitly what the disco and dance music before it only declared in code.
5 - "Lost in Music," Sister Sledge
This remix of the sisters' 1979 #17 got 13 places higher than the original. The differences aren't radical, which is fine, because it was pretty great in the first place. More proof that Nile Rodgers was the last genius of the disco era.
4 - "Pride (In the Name of Love)," U2
Their American breakthrough was their first Top Five here. It had that sheen of self-seriousness, but the anger still came through. They would find that balance harder to maintain as time went on,
3 - "The War Song," Culture Club
This lead single from their third album was so hotly anticipated that it debuted all the way up here, but it would only go up one more place. It's easily their biggest misfire. This was an attempt to do the same thing Edwin Starr did on "War," but it sounded naive and petulant rather than righteous and strident. Frankie Goes to Hollywood had the better idea of just covering the original around this time.
2 - "Ghostbusters," Ray Parker Jr.
Britain denied the theme for the spectre-chasing adventures of Venkman, Stantz, Spengler and Zeddemore a Triple Crown. Then Huey Lewis denied him an undisclosed amount of money for ripping off "I Want a New Drug." Ray should have been afraid after all.
1 - "I Just Called to Say I Love You," Stevie Wonder
No, it doesn't seem right that this sapstorm was Stevie's only Triple Crown winner (and only U.K.#1!). But going back over it, I have to say that it's perfectly made to be what it was: a catchy, upbeat pop love song for a silly comedy. He could, and did, do much more, but I can't fault him for filling an order. Even if you can paint masterpieces, if they ask for dogs playing poker, it's okay to give them dogs playing poker.
Next we return to the 80s tournament of the riders of the uneasy variety. Come back, if you'd like, to watch the madness.
Monday, October 14, 2019
AOMA: UKT40 October 6, 1984 Part One
October 1984. ITV debuts a television series based on a series of children's books about a tank engine named Thomas. It has proved to be really useful to parents of young children everywhere. Less practical, but possibly more entertaining, were the songs in the charts.
40 - "Cath," The Bluebells
The Scots' third hit was this jangly tune about a disappointing experience with a woman. Catchy indie-pop for those times when that is precisely what's required.
39 - "White Lines (Don't Do It)," Grandmaster and Melle Mel
First of all, in spite of the credit, this is a Melle Mel solo outing, with no participation from his Furious Five cohort Grandmaster Flash. Aside from that, it's a rap-funk classic about the danger and allure of cocaine. The song manages to sound serious even when it's saying "rang-dang-diggity-dang-a-dang." A great record, despite the fact that history has given the lie to the claim that "athletes reject it."
38 - "Missing You," John Waite
The big solo smash for the ex-Baby and future Bad Englishman was a North American #1 and a Top Ten in his homeland. 80s pop-rock distilled to its essence, with the high voice on the choruses and the synth bubbling along in the background. 1984 crystallized in four-and-a-half minutes.
37 - "Tour de France," Kraftwerk
Another spin for the German electro pioneers' ode to bicycle racing. It may be the only thing about the titular event that remains untainted.
36 - "I'll Fly for You," Spandau Ballet
The ninth Top Ten for the Islington band was this jazz-pop pledge to do the impossible in the name of love. They were becoming something close to a lounge act, but they sounded so good at it that I can't hold it against them.
35 - "Talking in Your Sleep," Bucks Fizz
The eleventh Top 40 for the pop quartet was this cover of a song that was a big North American hit for The Romantics earlier in the year. A bloodless cover. I'm glad they never tried "What I Like About You."
34 - "Mystery," Dio
The first hit for the band named for the American ex-Black Sabbath singer born Ronald Padavona was this hard rock love song about the enigmatic nature of love. A change from his usual material, and a mere 1.5 on the Headbangometer. But Dio had already earned the right to an occasional break from the infernal darkness, so I don't mind this at all.
33 - "Self Control," Laura Branigan
Laura's venture into a sexually charged nightlife went Top Five in the U's, but we nasty Canadians made it a #1. When we drop our polite facades, we don't mess around. Another surprise: I have this a full point higher on the Headbangometer than the Dio song. Never saw that coming.
32 - "Skin Deep," The Stranglers
The Guildford punk vets scored yet another hit with this hypnotic New Waver about being cautious about friends who may not be what they appear. These guys are a great example of a band adjusting its sound over time while always feeling authentic. A difficult trick.
31 - "Like to Get to Know You Well," Howard Jones
The Southamptonian's fourth Top Ten was this song about the importance of people learning about each other. Apparently he dedicated this to "the original spirit of the Olympic Games." Obviously the then-recent Los Angeles edition was flawed in that way due to political boycotts, but one wonders how true to this ideal the modern Games have ever been. But this is reflective of the oft-naive worldview of Jones' music. It can be annoying if your not in the mood to hear it, but I am usually charmed.
30 - "Passengers," Elton John
Sir Elton's eighth home Top Five was this stab at reggae. The lyrics seem to be about injustice and oppression. It's an interesting attempt, but it doesn't quite work for me.
29 - "The Medicine Song," Stephanie Mills
The American soul singer's second and last Top 40 here was this dance pop prescription for something that will make you feel better. From what I gather, there are no pills involved, but their will be time spent in bed, and some kind of injection may be involved. It's sex. She thinks you should have sex. With her.
28 - "No More Lonely Nights," Paul McCartney
The hit ballad from Macca's ill-advised Give My Regards to Broad Street film. A straightforward, sincere love song. Did he write too many of these? Maybe. But this isn't one of the ones I'd cut if I had such power,
27 - "Hot Water," Level 42
More noodly synth-jazz from Mark King and co. It's about kids who rebel through music. I'm not sure Level 42 is the ideal music for teenage defiance, but this is one of their more distinctive tunes, so I'll give it a cautious endorsement.
26 - "Tesla Girls," Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
OMD are here with a song that seems to be about women who are really into the work of a certain Serbian-American engineer and inventor. Regardless, it's fun, catchy synth pop. And I like it better than anything by the band Tesla. Just personal taste.
25 - "Mr. Solitaire," Animal Nightlife
The first hit by this British group was this pop tune about a woman leaving her selfish man. I think. Not really feeling this. It's like third string Spandau Ballet.
24 - "Master and Servant," Depeche Mode
The fifth Top Ten for the Essex boys was this not-at-all veiled ode to BDSM sex. Apparently, it only got approved by the BBC because the one DJ who would have vetoed it was away that day. It's as darkly subversive as you'd imagine, and it even explains the appeal of such activity, in that it is a place where you can experience the subjugation you feel in your everyday existence, while having much more control. Or to put it another way, "it's a lot like life."
23 - "Madam Butterfly," Malcolm McLaren
The impresario's disco-rock Coles notes of the Puccini opera that we first encountered in Canada. Cio-Cio is still hopeful at the end of this version. That one way to be saved by pop.
22 - "Smooth Operator," Sade
Helen Adu and her band's immortal jazzy gigolo jam. Top Five on North America, but only #19 here. They were not so easily seduced. But if the song were the person it describes, it would have merely shrugged and moved on to the next conquest.
21 - "Together in Electric Dreams," Giorgio Moroder and Phil Oakey
Producer Moroder teamed up with Human League singer Oakey on this song from a movie about a computer that becomes sentient after champagne is spilled on it, and then competes with its owner for the affections of a woman. Yeah, that happened. It's a nice enough song, but both men have done better.
In Part Two: tools, frills, rockets and more.
40 - "Cath," The Bluebells
The Scots' third hit was this jangly tune about a disappointing experience with a woman. Catchy indie-pop for those times when that is precisely what's required.
39 - "White Lines (Don't Do It)," Grandmaster and Melle Mel
First of all, in spite of the credit, this is a Melle Mel solo outing, with no participation from his Furious Five cohort Grandmaster Flash. Aside from that, it's a rap-funk classic about the danger and allure of cocaine. The song manages to sound serious even when it's saying "rang-dang-diggity-dang-a-dang." A great record, despite the fact that history has given the lie to the claim that "athletes reject it."
38 - "Missing You," John Waite
The big solo smash for the ex-Baby and future Bad Englishman was a North American #1 and a Top Ten in his homeland. 80s pop-rock distilled to its essence, with the high voice on the choruses and the synth bubbling along in the background. 1984 crystallized in four-and-a-half minutes.
37 - "Tour de France," Kraftwerk
Another spin for the German electro pioneers' ode to bicycle racing. It may be the only thing about the titular event that remains untainted.
36 - "I'll Fly for You," Spandau Ballet
The ninth Top Ten for the Islington band was this jazz-pop pledge to do the impossible in the name of love. They were becoming something close to a lounge act, but they sounded so good at it that I can't hold it against them.
35 - "Talking in Your Sleep," Bucks Fizz
The eleventh Top 40 for the pop quartet was this cover of a song that was a big North American hit for The Romantics earlier in the year. A bloodless cover. I'm glad they never tried "What I Like About You."
34 - "Mystery," Dio
The first hit for the band named for the American ex-Black Sabbath singer born Ronald Padavona was this hard rock love song about the enigmatic nature of love. A change from his usual material, and a mere 1.5 on the Headbangometer. But Dio had already earned the right to an occasional break from the infernal darkness, so I don't mind this at all.
33 - "Self Control," Laura Branigan
Laura's venture into a sexually charged nightlife went Top Five in the U's, but we nasty Canadians made it a #1. When we drop our polite facades, we don't mess around. Another surprise: I have this a full point higher on the Headbangometer than the Dio song. Never saw that coming.
32 - "Skin Deep," The Stranglers
The Guildford punk vets scored yet another hit with this hypnotic New Waver about being cautious about friends who may not be what they appear. These guys are a great example of a band adjusting its sound over time while always feeling authentic. A difficult trick.
31 - "Like to Get to Know You Well," Howard Jones
The Southamptonian's fourth Top Ten was this song about the importance of people learning about each other. Apparently he dedicated this to "the original spirit of the Olympic Games." Obviously the then-recent Los Angeles edition was flawed in that way due to political boycotts, but one wonders how true to this ideal the modern Games have ever been. But this is reflective of the oft-naive worldview of Jones' music. It can be annoying if your not in the mood to hear it, but I am usually charmed.
30 - "Passengers," Elton John
Sir Elton's eighth home Top Five was this stab at reggae. The lyrics seem to be about injustice and oppression. It's an interesting attempt, but it doesn't quite work for me.
29 - "The Medicine Song," Stephanie Mills
The American soul singer's second and last Top 40 here was this dance pop prescription for something that will make you feel better. From what I gather, there are no pills involved, but their will be time spent in bed, and some kind of injection may be involved. It's sex. She thinks you should have sex. With her.
28 - "No More Lonely Nights," Paul McCartney
The hit ballad from Macca's ill-advised Give My Regards to Broad Street film. A straightforward, sincere love song. Did he write too many of these? Maybe. But this isn't one of the ones I'd cut if I had such power,
27 - "Hot Water," Level 42
More noodly synth-jazz from Mark King and co. It's about kids who rebel through music. I'm not sure Level 42 is the ideal music for teenage defiance, but this is one of their more distinctive tunes, so I'll give it a cautious endorsement.
26 - "Tesla Girls," Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
OMD are here with a song that seems to be about women who are really into the work of a certain Serbian-American engineer and inventor. Regardless, it's fun, catchy synth pop. And I like it better than anything by the band Tesla. Just personal taste.
25 - "Mr. Solitaire," Animal Nightlife
The first hit by this British group was this pop tune about a woman leaving her selfish man. I think. Not really feeling this. It's like third string Spandau Ballet.
24 - "Master and Servant," Depeche Mode
The fifth Top Ten for the Essex boys was this not-at-all veiled ode to BDSM sex. Apparently, it only got approved by the BBC because the one DJ who would have vetoed it was away that day. It's as darkly subversive as you'd imagine, and it even explains the appeal of such activity, in that it is a place where you can experience the subjugation you feel in your everyday existence, while having much more control. Or to put it another way, "it's a lot like life."
23 - "Madam Butterfly," Malcolm McLaren
The impresario's disco-rock Coles notes of the Puccini opera that we first encountered in Canada. Cio-Cio is still hopeful at the end of this version. That one way to be saved by pop.
22 - "Smooth Operator," Sade
Helen Adu and her band's immortal jazzy gigolo jam. Top Five on North America, but only #19 here. They were not so easily seduced. But if the song were the person it describes, it would have merely shrugged and moved on to the next conquest.
21 - "Together in Electric Dreams," Giorgio Moroder and Phil Oakey
Producer Moroder teamed up with Human League singer Oakey on this song from a movie about a computer that becomes sentient after champagne is spilled on it, and then competes with its owner for the affections of a woman. Yeah, that happened. It's a nice enough song, but both men have done better.
In Part Two: tools, frills, rockets and more.
Tuesday, October 8, 2019
...And as Years Go By: CT50 September 2, 1972
September 2, 1972. On this night, at the Montreal Forum, the first of a series of eight hockey games was played between the national team of the Soviet Union and an all-star collection of Canadian NHL players. Most observers here predicted that the NHLers would dominate the Soviet "amateurs." They were in for a bit of a surprise. Somewhat less surprising was the music that populated the national chart.
Bonus Track #1: 68 - "Love is a Railroad," Pepper Tree
This group of Nova Scotia bar band all-stars had their biggest hit with this love song that sounds like Crosby Stills and Nashville. It doesn't quite lay down a complete system of tracks through your mind, but it sounds nice as it speeds through.
Bonus Track #2: 55 - "Summer Sun," Jamestown Massacre
A light, breezy rock song in the Doobie Brothers vein by a short-lived Illinois band. Most notable for its singer, Dave Bickler, who would later help form Survivor and enjoy success with them before being replaced shortly after "Eye of the Tiger" hit #1. I bet he was rooting for Ivan Drago.
50 - "Easy Livin'," Uriah Heep
Named for a character from Charles Dickens' David Copperfield, this London band had their biggest hit with this chugging rocker about the redeeming love of a woman. You'd be forgiven (by me at least) if you thought this was Deep Purple. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
47 - "America," Yes
The prog stars picked up a hit with a cover of a 1968 Simon and Garfunkel song about a man and his girlfriend Kathy taking a cross-country bus trip. Simon's playful lyrics about bags full of real estate and bowtie cameras are dramatized by Jon Anderson's high voice, and the instrumental jam breaks try to make this more epic. But I can't say it's at all preferable to the original.
46 - "Africa," Thundemug
From London Ontario, this group had the first of two Top 40s with this reverent rock tribute to the continent "where life began." The line "sing, coloured man" hasn't aged well, but otherwise this is decent Canuck content. And it references Tanganyika, which will always remind me of my Grade 10 science teacher.
42 - "Circles," The New Seekers
The British MOR travellers went Top Ten at home and got this high here with this cover of a Harry Chapin song about the cyclical nature of life. Nice song, pretty performance, and it ends just about right when you're ready to hear something else.
40 - "Feelin' Better Already," Everyday People
Another Nova Scotia band, this one with a song about an improved mood. Rock with harmony vocals. It's okay, no more to say.
39 - "Reflections of My Childhood," Frank Mills
Seven years before "Music Box Dancer" became an international smash, Montrealer Mills hit at home with by playing piano and singing on this song about trying to recapture youthful idealism. Easy listening at its easiest, but that's not always a bad thing.
37 - "One More Chance," Ocean
The Toronto group that gave us "Put Your Hand in the Hand" managed one more domesticated Top 40 with this less-explicitly religious prayer for the redemption of mankind. They seem less faithful on this one ("You don't get my hallelujah until I see the signs"). I have to say, cynicism doesn't become them as much as piety did.
34 - "New York is Closed Tonight," Barry Greenfield
Vancouver native Greenfield went to England as a teenager to pursue his musical dreams, eventually getting discovered by future 10cc member Graham Gouldman. His biggest hit was this mix of folk and hard rock about that seems to be about some sort of catastrophe (possibly nuclear attack or ecological disaster) that decimates the Big Apple. It's a cool little story song, enhanced by Greenfield's Cat Stevens-esque voice. And even though this is the first time I've ever heard it, I'm going to go ahead and declare it a Certificate CanCon Classic.
33 - "Bad Side of the Moon," April Wine
The Halifax band's third hit was a cover of a 1970 Elton John B-side. I'm not sure what the lyrics about a "rustic spoon" or foreign-speaking hummingbirds mean, but they sound good, and the band's spirited performance truly makes it their own. Possibly their best track.
32 - "Wild Eyes," The Stampeders
The Calgary band's second #2 (to go with the #1 "Sweet City Woman") was this straight ahead rocker about a lady with exotic peepers. Simple but satisfying classic rock.
30 - "Who Has the Answers," Andy Kim
The Montrealer who co-wrote "Sugar Sugar" and would go on to fall just short of a Triple Crown with "Rock Me Gently" is here with a folky tune spiritual doubt in a broken world. Okay song, notable for the fact that he sounds more like Neil Diamond here than on anything else I've heard of his.
23 - "Sun Goes By," Dr. Music
This Toronto jazz group was originally assembled for a TV variety show starring novelty singer Ray Stevens, but would go on to success on their home singles charts with songs like this sunny, almost proto-disco number. This one shows they could more than hold their own with contemporaries foreign (Chicago) and domestic (Lighthouse).
22 - "Concrete Sea," Terry Jacks
The Winnipegger's second solo hit was this funk-rock ditty about longing to no longer be boxed in by the confines of a big city. It's short, it's snappy, and it's nothing at all like "Seasons in the Sun." I've found a version of this guy I can get with.
10 - "Sealed with a Kiss," Bobby Vinton
The Polish Prince's Brian Hylton cover stalled at #19 in the States, but us SWAK-y Canadians made it a Top Ten. This was our nation's first version of Vin-sanity. But I don't think Bobby could dunk.
9 - "Happy," The Rolling Stones
The Exile on Main Street track featuring a rare lead vocal from Keith Richard's didn't chart in Britain and missed the Top Twenty i America, but again, we took it upon ourselves to make it a Top Ten. I'm pleased about that, and I'm amused at the thought that later in the decade, this country would explicitly learn what Keef meant when he said he "always took candy from strangers."
8 - "School's Out," Alice Cooper
Britain sent Alice's naughty anti-educational institution yowl to #1. America held it to #7. True to form, we split the difference by taking it to #1. Does this mean we got no principles?
7 - "You Don't Mess Around with Jim," Jim Croce
The Philly folkie's breakthrough was a cross-border Top Ten. It's still essentially the same song as "Bad Bad Leroy Brown," but it's catchy enough in its own way to be forgiven.
6 - "Hold Your Head Up," Argent
The signature hit for Rod Argent's post-Zombies band peaked at #5 in all three Triple Crown countries. I will refer to that as a Stare Express. Look it up.
5 - "Coconut," Harry Nilsson
Harry's silly tune about drinking fruit and becoming ill was a crossborder Top Ten, but missed the Top 40 in Britain. They're such a silly country.
4 - "Goodbye to Love," Carpenters
Karen and Richard's second Triple Top Ten. Apparently because of those surprising fuzz guitar solos, some consider it to be the first power ballad. I'm picturing Karen throwing up the metal devil horns. It's a cool image.
3 - "Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress," The Hollies
We have the Mancunians' driving rocker about a prohibition-era bust our jewel in the Triple Crown. America held it to #2, okay. But only #32 in the U.K.? That's not right.
2 - "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)," The Looking Glass
So I've been upfront in the past about my distaste for this. The second Guardians of the Galaxy movie tried to rehabilitate it in my esteem. It failed. I still hate the lyrics, I am repelled by the vocals, and I am pleased Britain denied it a Triple Crown with #51 authority.
1 - "Alone Again (Naturally)," Gilbert O'Sullivan
Ol' Gil was also denied a Triple Crown by the Brits, and the fact that it got as close as #3 probably wasn't much consolation to him, if this song is any indication. I've been listening lately to podcasts of old episodes of Desert Island Discs, the BBC radio show where celebrities name their favourite records. Gilbert never did one, which is probably for the best. But I wonder if anyone ever chose this to have while lost on am uncharted island, and if they did so for any other reason to accompany their resigned walk into watery oblivion. Why else would you need it for?
Back to Britain next time. Tremble in anticipation until then.
Bonus Track #1: 68 - "Love is a Railroad," Pepper Tree
This group of Nova Scotia bar band all-stars had their biggest hit with this love song that sounds like Crosby Stills and Nashville. It doesn't quite lay down a complete system of tracks through your mind, but it sounds nice as it speeds through.
Bonus Track #2: 55 - "Summer Sun," Jamestown Massacre
A light, breezy rock song in the Doobie Brothers vein by a short-lived Illinois band. Most notable for its singer, Dave Bickler, who would later help form Survivor and enjoy success with them before being replaced shortly after "Eye of the Tiger" hit #1. I bet he was rooting for Ivan Drago.
50 - "Easy Livin'," Uriah Heep
Named for a character from Charles Dickens' David Copperfield, this London band had their biggest hit with this chugging rocker about the redeeming love of a woman. You'd be forgiven (by me at least) if you thought this was Deep Purple. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
47 - "America," Yes
The prog stars picked up a hit with a cover of a 1968 Simon and Garfunkel song about a man and his girlfriend Kathy taking a cross-country bus trip. Simon's playful lyrics about bags full of real estate and bowtie cameras are dramatized by Jon Anderson's high voice, and the instrumental jam breaks try to make this more epic. But I can't say it's at all preferable to the original.
46 - "Africa," Thundemug
From London Ontario, this group had the first of two Top 40s with this reverent rock tribute to the continent "where life began." The line "sing, coloured man" hasn't aged well, but otherwise this is decent Canuck content. And it references Tanganyika, which will always remind me of my Grade 10 science teacher.
42 - "Circles," The New Seekers
The British MOR travellers went Top Ten at home and got this high here with this cover of a Harry Chapin song about the cyclical nature of life. Nice song, pretty performance, and it ends just about right when you're ready to hear something else.
40 - "Feelin' Better Already," Everyday People
Another Nova Scotia band, this one with a song about an improved mood. Rock with harmony vocals. It's okay, no more to say.
39 - "Reflections of My Childhood," Frank Mills
Seven years before "Music Box Dancer" became an international smash, Montrealer Mills hit at home with by playing piano and singing on this song about trying to recapture youthful idealism. Easy listening at its easiest, but that's not always a bad thing.
37 - "One More Chance," Ocean
The Toronto group that gave us "Put Your Hand in the Hand" managed one more domesticated Top 40 with this less-explicitly religious prayer for the redemption of mankind. They seem less faithful on this one ("You don't get my hallelujah until I see the signs"). I have to say, cynicism doesn't become them as much as piety did.
34 - "New York is Closed Tonight," Barry Greenfield
Vancouver native Greenfield went to England as a teenager to pursue his musical dreams, eventually getting discovered by future 10cc member Graham Gouldman. His biggest hit was this mix of folk and hard rock about that seems to be about some sort of catastrophe (possibly nuclear attack or ecological disaster) that decimates the Big Apple. It's a cool little story song, enhanced by Greenfield's Cat Stevens-esque voice. And even though this is the first time I've ever heard it, I'm going to go ahead and declare it a Certificate CanCon Classic.
33 - "Bad Side of the Moon," April Wine
The Halifax band's third hit was a cover of a 1970 Elton John B-side. I'm not sure what the lyrics about a "rustic spoon" or foreign-speaking hummingbirds mean, but they sound good, and the band's spirited performance truly makes it their own. Possibly their best track.
32 - "Wild Eyes," The Stampeders
The Calgary band's second #2 (to go with the #1 "Sweet City Woman") was this straight ahead rocker about a lady with exotic peepers. Simple but satisfying classic rock.
30 - "Who Has the Answers," Andy Kim
The Montrealer who co-wrote "Sugar Sugar" and would go on to fall just short of a Triple Crown with "Rock Me Gently" is here with a folky tune spiritual doubt in a broken world. Okay song, notable for the fact that he sounds more like Neil Diamond here than on anything else I've heard of his.
23 - "Sun Goes By," Dr. Music
This Toronto jazz group was originally assembled for a TV variety show starring novelty singer Ray Stevens, but would go on to success on their home singles charts with songs like this sunny, almost proto-disco number. This one shows they could more than hold their own with contemporaries foreign (Chicago) and domestic (Lighthouse).
22 - "Concrete Sea," Terry Jacks
The Winnipegger's second solo hit was this funk-rock ditty about longing to no longer be boxed in by the confines of a big city. It's short, it's snappy, and it's nothing at all like "Seasons in the Sun." I've found a version of this guy I can get with.
10 - "Sealed with a Kiss," Bobby Vinton
The Polish Prince's Brian Hylton cover stalled at #19 in the States, but us SWAK-y Canadians made it a Top Ten. This was our nation's first version of Vin-sanity. But I don't think Bobby could dunk.
9 - "Happy," The Rolling Stones
The Exile on Main Street track featuring a rare lead vocal from Keith Richard's didn't chart in Britain and missed the Top Twenty i America, but again, we took it upon ourselves to make it a Top Ten. I'm pleased about that, and I'm amused at the thought that later in the decade, this country would explicitly learn what Keef meant when he said he "always took candy from strangers."
8 - "School's Out," Alice Cooper
Britain sent Alice's naughty anti-educational institution yowl to #1. America held it to #7. True to form, we split the difference by taking it to #1. Does this mean we got no principles?
7 - "You Don't Mess Around with Jim," Jim Croce
The Philly folkie's breakthrough was a cross-border Top Ten. It's still essentially the same song as "Bad Bad Leroy Brown," but it's catchy enough in its own way to be forgiven.
6 - "Hold Your Head Up," Argent
The signature hit for Rod Argent's post-Zombies band peaked at #5 in all three Triple Crown countries. I will refer to that as a Stare Express. Look it up.
5 - "Coconut," Harry Nilsson
Harry's silly tune about drinking fruit and becoming ill was a crossborder Top Ten, but missed the Top 40 in Britain. They're such a silly country.
4 - "Goodbye to Love," Carpenters
Karen and Richard's second Triple Top Ten. Apparently because of those surprising fuzz guitar solos, some consider it to be the first power ballad. I'm picturing Karen throwing up the metal devil horns. It's a cool image.
3 - "Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress," The Hollies
We have the Mancunians' driving rocker about a prohibition-era bust our jewel in the Triple Crown. America held it to #2, okay. But only #32 in the U.K.? That's not right.
2 - "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)," The Looking Glass
So I've been upfront in the past about my distaste for this. The second Guardians of the Galaxy movie tried to rehabilitate it in my esteem. It failed. I still hate the lyrics, I am repelled by the vocals, and I am pleased Britain denied it a Triple Crown with #51 authority.
1 - "Alone Again (Naturally)," Gilbert O'Sullivan
Ol' Gil was also denied a Triple Crown by the Brits, and the fact that it got as close as #3 probably wasn't much consolation to him, if this song is any indication. I've been listening lately to podcasts of old episodes of Desert Island Discs, the BBC radio show where celebrities name their favourite records. Gilbert never did one, which is probably for the best. But I wonder if anyone ever chose this to have while lost on am uncharted island, and if they did so for any other reason to accompany their resigned walk into watery oblivion. Why else would you need it for?
Back to Britain next time. Tremble in anticipation until then.
Wednesday, October 2, 2019
AOMA: UKT40 September 21, 1991 Part Two
Finalizing.
20 - "Such a Feeling," Bizarre Inc.
The second hit by this Britdance act is pretty basic techno house. It doesn't make me feel anything.
19 - "Cream," Prince and the New Power Generation
His second single with his new backing band was this strutting encouragement to take charge of life and not let anyone stop you. There's even a lyrical homage to T. Rex, which makes it even stranger that it was held to #15 here when it got a #1-#2 from the States and Canada. We rightfully let it rise.
18 - "Can't Stop This Thing We Started," Bryan Adams
The Vancouver star's second single of the 90s was the first one that revealed the level of Def Lepppardization producer "Mutt" Lange had done to him. The chorus, the mixing, and even Adams' intentional-or-not vocal adjustment to sound more like Joe Elliott left no doubt as to who was behind the board. This was a Can-Am #1-#2 that Britain kept out of the Top Ten. This time, they were right.
17 - "Good Vibrations," Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch featuring Loleatta Holloway
Before movie stardom, Mark Wahlberg was the link between Jimmy Osmond and Aaron Carter in the continuum of boy-band little brothers having hits. This self-identified hip-hop/house hybrid was another American #1 that the Brits kept out of the Top Ten, and my theory is that U.K. ravers were turned off by his anti-drug stance. They preferred shows with a great deal of intoxication.
16 - "Something Got Me Started," Simply Red
The Manchester blue-eyed/red-haired soul act's first hit of the 90s was this uptempo love song, with piano lines that may or may not have been influenced by house. A great little R&B dance tune, without any of the mush of much of their future material.
15 - "20th Century Boy," T. Rex
The 1973 glam classic returned to the charts after being used in a Levi's commercial starring Brad Pitt, fresh off his breakthrough role in Thelma and Louise. Whatever. There's never a bad excuse to listen to one of Marc Bolan's masterpieces.
14 - "I'll be Back," Arnee and the Terminaters
A novelty dance track that features an Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonator suggesting that the way to get ahead in life is by acting threatening and menacing. It would be more fun to sing along to if there weren't so many people in the world who take this message to heart. Sorry to sound like a downer, but that's my opinion. Also, the guy's Arnold voice is terrible. I can do a better one, and you probably can too.
13 - "Everybody's Free," Rozalla
The first and biggest hit for Zimbabwe-born Rozalla Miller was this tuneful, utopian Eurodance track. Top Ten here and in Canada, but only #37 in the U.S. That's their prerogative, I suppose.
12 - "Love...Thy Will Be Done," Martika
The California singer tried to shed her teen-pop image by turning to Prince, who co-wrote and produced this sultry surrender ballad. She does a pretty good vocal impression of her collaborator, and it was a deserving Triple Top Ten. But her reinvention would pay no further commercial dividends, unfortunately.
11 - "Gett Off," Prince and the New Power Generation
And here he is again, with the most sexually suggestive A-side he had released since he became a superstar. He quotes James Brown, boasts of his prowess and knowledge of a variety of positions, and just horndogs out for four minutes. It's a Michaelangelo of carnal funk-rock.
10 - "What Can You Do for Me," Utah Saints
Not from the mountainous Morman U.S. state, but rather Leeds, these guys scored their first of three Top Tens with this electronic dance track that features sampled vocals from Gwen Guthrie and Annie Lennox. It has a similar feel to the "stadium house" of The KLF, and that's always welcome to my ears.
9 - "Peace," Sabrina Johnston
The only hit for this American singer was this passionate slicemof gospel-disco. Okay song, but her belting is impressive.
8 - "Don't Cry," Guns n' Roses
This was the preview single from Use Your Illusion I, one of the two albums the band simultaneously released this month. It's a very good power ballad offering comfort to a former lover. But that weird thing he does on the held note at the end remains unintentionally hilarious.
7 - "Love to Hate You," Erasure
The twelfth Top Ten for Vince Clarke's third big band was this smart, snappy dance number about conflicting emotions. Andy Bell sells the drama as he always does, and there's some retro-sounding organ in there. I'm close to rating them as equals to the Pet Shop Boys.
6 - "Charly," The Prodigy
Before they were signed by Madonna and were lumped into the late-90s "electronica" hype, this Essex group had already produced a string of home hits, beginning with this techno-raver featuring samples from a popular educational cartoon from the 70s. More bright-sounding than the songs that would break them in America. No fires are started, and no bitches are being smacked up. But no ranting from the late great Keith Flint either.
5 - "Sunshine on a Rainy Day," Zoe
The first and biggest hit for Londoner Zoe Pollock was this bit of pop-rock-soul about the moments when life gets better. The kind of song that had it's moment until it's eventually usurped by another similar song.
4 - "Insanity," Oceanic
The first of three hits from this group from Wirral was this dance track about "dream tripping." It sounds like they studied a lot of S/A/W records, and they learned well from them. Catchy and disposable.
3 - "Let's Talk About Sex," Salt-N-Pepa
The fourth and final Top Five here for the New York rap trio was this frank, funky examination of how a natural, healthy part of life can be demonized and misused. The sass and smarts they brought to pop and hip-hop should not be underestimated. And even though she wasn't in the group name, do not forget Spinderella.
2 - "I'm Too Sexy," Right Said Fred
Fronted by London brothers Fred and Richard Fairbrass, this group scored a U.S. #1 and a Can-Brit #2 with this cheeky ode to one's own runway-quality good looks. Timeless silliness, and always fun to shake your little tush to.
1 - "(Everything I Do) I Do it for You," Bryan Adams
The drippy ballad from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves was inescapable pretty much everywhere. In Britain, it spent an unprecedented 16 weeks at #1, clearly the brightest jewel in its Triple Crown. With this encouragement, he became a gooier version of Kenny Loggins for early-90s movie soundtracks.
Next time, it's Canada again. Be there.
20 - "Such a Feeling," Bizarre Inc.
The second hit by this Britdance act is pretty basic techno house. It doesn't make me feel anything.
19 - "Cream," Prince and the New Power Generation
His second single with his new backing band was this strutting encouragement to take charge of life and not let anyone stop you. There's even a lyrical homage to T. Rex, which makes it even stranger that it was held to #15 here when it got a #1-#2 from the States and Canada. We rightfully let it rise.
18 - "Can't Stop This Thing We Started," Bryan Adams
The Vancouver star's second single of the 90s was the first one that revealed the level of Def Lepppardization producer "Mutt" Lange had done to him. The chorus, the mixing, and even Adams' intentional-or-not vocal adjustment to sound more like Joe Elliott left no doubt as to who was behind the board. This was a Can-Am #1-#2 that Britain kept out of the Top Ten. This time, they were right.
17 - "Good Vibrations," Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch featuring Loleatta Holloway
Before movie stardom, Mark Wahlberg was the link between Jimmy Osmond and Aaron Carter in the continuum of boy-band little brothers having hits. This self-identified hip-hop/house hybrid was another American #1 that the Brits kept out of the Top Ten, and my theory is that U.K. ravers were turned off by his anti-drug stance. They preferred shows with a great deal of intoxication.
16 - "Something Got Me Started," Simply Red
The Manchester blue-eyed/red-haired soul act's first hit of the 90s was this uptempo love song, with piano lines that may or may not have been influenced by house. A great little R&B dance tune, without any of the mush of much of their future material.
15 - "20th Century Boy," T. Rex
The 1973 glam classic returned to the charts after being used in a Levi's commercial starring Brad Pitt, fresh off his breakthrough role in Thelma and Louise. Whatever. There's never a bad excuse to listen to one of Marc Bolan's masterpieces.
14 - "I'll be Back," Arnee and the Terminaters
A novelty dance track that features an Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonator suggesting that the way to get ahead in life is by acting threatening and menacing. It would be more fun to sing along to if there weren't so many people in the world who take this message to heart. Sorry to sound like a downer, but that's my opinion. Also, the guy's Arnold voice is terrible. I can do a better one, and you probably can too.
13 - "Everybody's Free," Rozalla
The first and biggest hit for Zimbabwe-born Rozalla Miller was this tuneful, utopian Eurodance track. Top Ten here and in Canada, but only #37 in the U.S. That's their prerogative, I suppose.
12 - "Love...Thy Will Be Done," Martika
The California singer tried to shed her teen-pop image by turning to Prince, who co-wrote and produced this sultry surrender ballad. She does a pretty good vocal impression of her collaborator, and it was a deserving Triple Top Ten. But her reinvention would pay no further commercial dividends, unfortunately.
11 - "Gett Off," Prince and the New Power Generation
And here he is again, with the most sexually suggestive A-side he had released since he became a superstar. He quotes James Brown, boasts of his prowess and knowledge of a variety of positions, and just horndogs out for four minutes. It's a Michaelangelo of carnal funk-rock.
10 - "What Can You Do for Me," Utah Saints
Not from the mountainous Morman U.S. state, but rather Leeds, these guys scored their first of three Top Tens with this electronic dance track that features sampled vocals from Gwen Guthrie and Annie Lennox. It has a similar feel to the "stadium house" of The KLF, and that's always welcome to my ears.
9 - "Peace," Sabrina Johnston
The only hit for this American singer was this passionate slicemof gospel-disco. Okay song, but her belting is impressive.
8 - "Don't Cry," Guns n' Roses
This was the preview single from Use Your Illusion I, one of the two albums the band simultaneously released this month. It's a very good power ballad offering comfort to a former lover. But that weird thing he does on the held note at the end remains unintentionally hilarious.
7 - "Love to Hate You," Erasure
The twelfth Top Ten for Vince Clarke's third big band was this smart, snappy dance number about conflicting emotions. Andy Bell sells the drama as he always does, and there's some retro-sounding organ in there. I'm close to rating them as equals to the Pet Shop Boys.
6 - "Charly," The Prodigy
Before they were signed by Madonna and were lumped into the late-90s "electronica" hype, this Essex group had already produced a string of home hits, beginning with this techno-raver featuring samples from a popular educational cartoon from the 70s. More bright-sounding than the songs that would break them in America. No fires are started, and no bitches are being smacked up. But no ranting from the late great Keith Flint either.
5 - "Sunshine on a Rainy Day," Zoe
The first and biggest hit for Londoner Zoe Pollock was this bit of pop-rock-soul about the moments when life gets better. The kind of song that had it's moment until it's eventually usurped by another similar song.
4 - "Insanity," Oceanic
The first of three hits from this group from Wirral was this dance track about "dream tripping." It sounds like they studied a lot of S/A/W records, and they learned well from them. Catchy and disposable.
3 - "Let's Talk About Sex," Salt-N-Pepa
The fourth and final Top Five here for the New York rap trio was this frank, funky examination of how a natural, healthy part of life can be demonized and misused. The sass and smarts they brought to pop and hip-hop should not be underestimated. And even though she wasn't in the group name, do not forget Spinderella.
2 - "I'm Too Sexy," Right Said Fred
Fronted by London brothers Fred and Richard Fairbrass, this group scored a U.S. #1 and a Can-Brit #2 with this cheeky ode to one's own runway-quality good looks. Timeless silliness, and always fun to shake your little tush to.
1 - "(Everything I Do) I Do it for You," Bryan Adams
The drippy ballad from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves was inescapable pretty much everywhere. In Britain, it spent an unprecedented 16 weeks at #1, clearly the brightest jewel in its Triple Crown. With this encouragement, he became a gooier version of Kenny Loggins for early-90s movie soundtracks.
Next time, it's Canada again. Be there.
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