May 1982 in the Great White North. This month, Peru asked Canada to intervene in the war between Britain and Argentina over the Falkland Islands. We declined, I assume, politely. The fiercest battles we were involved in may have been on our pop chart. Let’s have a look.
Bonus Track: “Nova Heart,” The Spoons (CanCon!)
The Burlington band’s first hit was a week away from reaching the Top 50, and got as high as #40. It’s synth-heavy New Wave about how a new generation will reinvent architecture and art. The topic is a bit highbrow, but the music is synthetically irresistible. One of the bands that gave CanCon a good name in the 80s.
50 - “One World,” Utopia
Todd Rundgren’s band scored his biggest hit up here with this peppy rocker about how in spite of the sinister machinations of governments and corporations, people can control their world by their everyday interactions and activities. That may be more in line with the name of the band than reality, but it’s nice to believe it for three-and-a-half minutes.
49 - “Only a Fool,” Trooper (CanCon!)
The Vancouver stalwarts were waning, but they managed to hit with this power ballad about enduring things you perhaps shouldn’t to maintain a relationship. It sounds like a determined move to break America, and it sounds appropriately desperate and polished. They weren’t there for a good time, and they listeners doesn’t have one either,
47 - “Some Kinda Fun,” Teenage Head (CanCon!)
The Hamilton punk-pop legends had their biggest hit with this blitz through a 1962 single by L.A. pop singer Chris Montez. The lyrics are about the joy of dancing to rock n’roll, and even though the Watusi and the Locomotion aren’t the first steps that come to mind when you hear this take, it captures the exhilaration of youth in a way that works spectacularly. If Canada has a Ramones, it’s these guys.
46 - “Hiding From Love,” Rosetta Stone (CanCon!)
This Northern Irish band was formed in the 70s, and were contemporaries of the Bay City Rollers. But the biggest hit they ever managed was up here, with this cover of a song that its composer, Bryan Adams, had taken to #64 two years earlier. This version has more keyboard on it, and maybe that made it friendlier for pop stations. But it’s a great song, and you appreciate that more on Bryan’s original.
44 - “Over the Line,” Eddie Schwartz (CanCon!)
Torontonian Schwartz is best known for the hits other people had with his songs, notably Pat Benatar (“Hit Me with Your Best Shot”) and Paul Carrack (“Don’t Shed a Tear”). But he did manage one American Top 40 hit with “All Our Tomorrows,” and a handful of others at home, including this very 80s rocker about finding love. This is like Canadian Eddie Money, and if I were an American retailer, I would accept it at par.
40 - “There are No Secrets,” Straight Lines (CanCon!)
This Vancouver band were signed by Bruce Allen, the manager who guided the careers of fellow West Coasters Bryan Adams and Loverboy. Their first hit, the power ballad “Letting Go,” was a Top Ten hit, but this similar follow-up didn’t do quite as well, and the returns continued to diminish. I can’t say that wasn’t warranted. But at least guitarist David Sinclair would be on a future #1, as part of the backing band for Northern Lights charity hit “Tears are Not Enough.”
39 - “Right the First Time,” Gamma
San Francisco guitarist Ronnie Montrose first broke in as a session player, then had some success with a band that bore his surname (whose first two albums featured Sammy Hagar on lead vocals). In 1979, he formed a new, poppier band. They didn’t get to the top half of the Hot 100 at home, but they did manage to reach the Top 30 here with this basic rocker about making love work. Again, if you were to create some sort of 1982 Rock Song Generator, it wouldn’t take long to produce a song that sounded a lot like this.
36 - “Fits Ya Good,” Bryan Adams (CanCon!)
Speaking of Mr. Adams, here he is with his domestic chart breakthrough. I’m not really sure what the lyrics mean. Is he praising or insulting his lover? Can’t really tell. But it’s tuneful, unapologetic rock, and that covers its sins of vagueness.
28 - “Man on the Corner,” Genesis
Phil, Mike and Tony made it higher here than in the U’s with this song about a person whose alone and shouting on the streets. The message about homelessness is more subtle than it would be seven years later when Phil did “Another Day in Paradise,” and that makes it a more effective message and a better song.
22 - “What Kind of Love is This,” Streetheart (CanCon!)
This band formed when two musicians from Regina, Saskatchewan moved to Winnipeg and met three other guys. Then two of them left to join Loverboy. Then they had a Top Twenty with a cover of the Stones’ “Under My Thumb.” Then they came two places short of that with one more hit, this power ballad about a dying romance. It’s unremarkable-but-sturdy CanCon like this that was the foundation of our pop radio for the entirety of the 70s and 80s.
10 - “Make a Move on Me,” Olivia Newton-John
ONJ’s slinky followup to “Physical.” Top Five in North America, missed the Top 40 in Britain. We were right. It just fits her much better than it’s predecessor.
9 - “Open Arms,” Journey
The pinnacle of their slow-songcraft, and a cross-border #2. There are only a handful of truly essential power ballads, and this is one.
8 - “We Got The Beat,” The Go-Go
Another cross-border Top Five. Another blast of celebratory youth exuberance. With this and “Some Kinda Fun” you’ve got the anchors for any party playlist.
7 - “Ebony and Ivory,” Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder
The Triple Crown duet that just couldn’t cure racism. But it taught people what piano keys are made of, so it had some educational value.
6 - “Chariots of Fire,” Vangelis
The Greek composer’s theme to a movie about Brits running in Amsterdam went to #1 in the States, and Top Five here. But it missed the Top Ten in the U.K. I’m making a surprised face in slow motion in reaction to that.
5 - “Freeze-Frame,” The J. Geils Band
The theme of North American Top Fives that miss that mark in Britain continues with the Bostonians’ photography-based pop bouncer. Contrary to the title, the song makes it hard to keep still.
4 - “Don’t Talk to Strangers,” Rick Springfield
And again, with the Aussie soap stars paranoid instruction to his girlfriend. Maybe it wasn’t even released in Europe, for fear of slick Continental dudes hearing it and being inspired to steal Rick’s lady just for shits and giggles.
3 - “Key Largo,” Bertie Higgins
This almost fits the theme, but Elbert Higgins’ sappy ballad comparing his relationship to a Bogart/Bacall film only hit #8 in the States. But he was apparently friends with Burt Reynolds, and that’s more than I’ve got.
2 - “Don’t You Want Me,” The Human League
Another Triple Crown winner, and one of the best. It’s kind of like a miniature version of a classic Hollywood rags-to-riches movie. I’m picturing Clark Gable and Grace Kelly in the leads. And now I’m sad that it was never made.
1 - “I Love Rock n’Roll,” Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
The biggest hit from rock’s coolest chick. Britain denied it a Triple Crown by three spots, but that does nothing to detract from its crunching catchiness. At least during this song’s duration, you can’t help but love it too.
Next time, we will stage the tournament quarterfinals. Who gets the glory of reaching the final four of my completely meaningless and arbitrary competition? Find out soon.
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