Closing the gate on 2008.
20 - "Sensual Seduction," Snoop Dogg
19 - "Hate That I Love You," Rihanna featuring Ne-Yo
18 - "No Air," Jordin Sparks featuring Chris Brown
17 - "Stop and Stare," OneRepublic
16 - "Kiss, Kiss," Chris Brown featuring T-Pain
The second half opens with Snoop Dogg's most recent Top Ten, a tamed-down version of a song originally called "Sexual Eruption." It's about...I'm not sure really. Kidding. Anyway, it's actually pretty cool, and notable for the fact that for most of it, Snoop actually sings. He's assisted heavily by Auto-Tune, but still, points for trying
Rihanna's back again, teaming up with Ne-Yo on a "can't live with you, can't live without you," duet. It's not really my type of thing, but it's very well done.
Next is Arizona's Jordin Sparks, who was only 17 when she won the sixth season of American Idol. On her second hit, she compares her need for her lover for her need for oxygen. Decent song. Oh, and some other guy sings on it, but he's not worth mentioning.
Then it's OneRepublic, a Colorado group led by Ryan Tedder, a prolific songwriter who's written hits for many other artists. His second hit with his own band was this bland midtempo pop song about not going anywhere. Exciting. Nothing at all appealing to these ears, and they're the only ones I have, so, sorry.
Closing out this section is another song that features T-Pain. All I'll say about the other guy is that I don't know why he thought "they hatin' on me" then, but I sure do now.
15 - "Paralyzer," Finger Eleven
14 - "See You Again," Miley Cyrus
13 - "Sorry," Buckcherry
12 - "Love Song," Sara Bareilles
11 - "Shadow of the Day," Linkin Park
Back in the mid-90s, there was a band in Burlington, Ontario called Rainbow Butt Monkeys who won a radio station contest that allowed them to record their major label debut. It sold well in Canada, but for some reason, they decided that the name "Rainbow Butt Monkeys" might limit their potential for success, so they changed it to Finger Eleven, and they eventually became a very popular group both at home and in the U.S, where they have scored two Top 40 singles. The second, and biggest, of these was this catchy dance-rocker about finding one person worth getting to know in a "pretentious" nightclub. It's a terrific song, and easily the band's best. I still think they should have stuck with Rainbow Butt Monkeys, though.
Destiny Hope Cyrus is the daughter of country star Billy Ray Cyrus, who nicknamed her "Smiley" (later shortened to "Miley") becaused she smiled a lot as a baby. In her early teens, she was hired to costar with Dad in the Disney Channel's "secret pop star" series Hannah Montana. The show was a smash and sold many copies of its soundtrack albums, and eventually she began releasing songs under her own name. Her first major radio hit was this fluffy pop song about crushing on a boy. It's not much, but it's exactly what her fans wanted. I can't confirm or deny whether or not she had a best friend named Leslie at the time, though.
Next is the biggest pop hit by L.A. hard rockers Buckcherry. It's a boring apology power ballad the singer wrote for his wife. For more interesting stuff from these guys, seek out their rock radio smashes "Lit Up" (whose chorus contains the line "I love the cocaine, I love the cocaine") and "Crazy Bitch" ("...but you fuck so good, I'm on top of it").
Then it's the first hit by Californian Sara Bareilles, a clever little number about not writing a love song just because that's what her label wants from her. It hits my "spunky lady piano-pop" sweet spot. Not much more to say.
Closing this bunch are Linkin Park, who apparently decided to cover U2's "With or Without You," then realized that Bono and co. would get the bulk of the royalties, so they changed it just enough. I have no use for this at all.
Math, science, history, unravelling the mystery that all started with the Top Ten (Ten!)
10 - "Sweetest Girl (Dollar Bill)," Wyclef Jean featuring Akon, Lil Wayne and Niia
The ex-Fugee/Haitian political activist had his most recent Top Ten about a high school crush of his who turned to prostitution. Decent song, with nice nods to Tupac and the Wu-Tang Clan. I can take or leave Wyclef, and this time, I'll take him.
9 - "Teardrops on My Guitar," Taylor Swift
And here's our first encounter with the Pennsylvania girl who has become one of the most bankable stars in all of country and pop. On one of her earliest hits, she sings about a boy named Drew who never saw her as more than just a friend, even though she wanted him to. This would not be the lasst time she would turn real life love drama into a song.
8 - "Tattoo," Jordin Sparks
Sparks again, this time with her debut single, a song about a lover who left a permanent impression on her. Certainly one of Idol's better winners.
7 - "Take You There," Sean Kingston
Kingston offers to take his "shorty" to different parts of Jamaica: the one with the beaches and the resorts, or the one with the slums "where killers get hung." Wonder which she chose. I'm not a big fan of this guy, but I think this is probably my favorite of his.
6 - "Clumsy," Fergie
Whaddaya know, a Fergie song I actually like. Can't help it, the boy can't help it. A lot of it is down to the bleepy backing track and the Little Richard sample, but Ms. Ferguson does her part too. She even pulls off the spoken-word part quite nicely.
5 - "Don't Stop the Music," Rihanna
The lady's third #1 was this stomping ode to dance tuneage that features a sample from Michael Jackson's "Wanna Be Starting Something." Simple, yet lasting. One of the ones she'll be remembered for.
4 - "Apologize," OneRepublic
These guys again. Their first and biggest hit came when Timbaland remixed it for his Shock Value album. It's a ballad about a relationship that's beyond salvation. Better than "Stop and Stare," but that's damning with very feint praise.
3 - "With You," Chris Brown
No.
2 - "No One," Alicia Keys
Keys' second pop charttopper was this uptempo, slightly gospellish declaration of commitment to someone through good times and bad. Her power and energy grab you and don't let go. Nice.
And at #1 just five years ago was...
1 - "Low," Flo Rida featuring T-Pain
Miami rapper Tramar Dillard took his stage name by putting a space in the middle of the name of his home state. His first hit, whose choruses were sung by the ubiquitous Mr. Pain, is your basic rap song about seeing a hot girl dancing at a club and then taking her home to have sex. But what places this above the multitudes of similar tracks is that undeniable, unforgettable chorus. Sure, if you stop and think about it, you might wonder why a woman would make a mid-evening wardrobe change from "Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur" to "baggy sweatpants and the Reeboks with the straps." So just don't think about it, and move on to the part where shawty hit the floor and got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low.
Next time: 2009. The past is gaining on us.
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