This week, we wrap up the list of the biggest hits of 1983. What was the Hit of Hits for those twelve months? Let's find out together, shall we? But first, we'll find out the songs that finished between 26th and 50th.
50 - "Stand Back," Stevie Nicks
Stevie's strutting rocker about her romantic issues. Maybe I'm missing something, but wouldn't she have better luck getting men to take her home if she wasn't always telling them to stand back?
49 - "One on One," Daryl Hall and John Oates
The boys decide that nothing adds more sexy to a come-on ballad than basketball metaphors. Daryl insists that the game he wants to play tonight involves "no one even trying to score." Riiight. Anyway, it somehow works. These two just had the touch at this point.
48 - "Back on the Chain Gang," The Pretenders
Chrissie Hynde and company had their biggest American hit with this driving rock tune about being torn apart from someone by outside forces. The "Uh! Ah!" background chants were lovingly borrowed from Sam Cooke's 1960 classic "Chain Gang." I've got it just behind "Brass in Pocket" on my Favorites list.
47 - "One Thing Leads to Another," The Fixx
This band's biggest hit seems to be about deception and false pretenses leading to disaster. Whatever, it's got a catchy chorus. I'd still like to know what singer Cy Curnin means by "pull out your party piece."
46 - "Little Red Corvette," Prince
First of all, I apologize for being repetitive on my "Delirious" comments last week. I could have sworn I'd covered it before, but I couldn't find it, so I made the same observations I did then. Now, let's get to this, Prince's first Top Ten. Clearly, it's a song about a sports car. Nothing at all sexual about that. But I'll listen again just to make sure...wait a minute, that part about "used Trojan horses." Condoms?...That reference to "jockeys" just might be about male undergarments!..."I'm gonna try to tame your little red love machine?" Okay, the jig is up. I know what you're really referring to, young man! But in all seriousness, this is absoultely fantastic. Everything that makes Prince Prince is all here in its lascivious glory. God bless his dirty mind.
45 - "Puttin' on the Ritz," Taco
Technology meets early Hollywood on this dated-but-still-fun cover of a 30s hit about dressing up. Super-duper!
44 - "Der Kommissar," After the Fire
This song (the title is German for "The Commissioner") was originally co-written and recorded by Austrian singer Falco of future "Rock Me Amadaeus" fame. It was a huge hit throughout Europe, but it's German lyrics kept it from major success in America. Then Britain's After the Fire covered it with English lyrics, and it eventually cracked the U.S. Top 5. Unfortunately, the band had already broken up by that time, and they could not be convinced to reform. As for the song, the After the Fire version is decent, beat-heavy rock with lyrics that seem to be about a guy who's girl gets caught up in a circle of friends who encourage her to be promiscuous and use cocaine ("They're all slipping on the same snow"). I did hear the Falco version quite a bit back in the day (it was a hit in Canada), and I have to say I like it better because I don't understand the lyrics.
43 - "True," Spandau Ballet
One of the decade's most iconic ballads. If you strip away all the cheesy associations, it works as a solid slow-dance ballad.
42 - "Stray Cat Strut," The Stray Cats
The biggest hit for these Long Island throwbacks was this slinky rocker in which Brian Setzer declares himself a "feline Casanova." I just hope he didn't mean that literally. But if he really did get his dinner from a garbage can, that's his business.
41 - "We've Got Tonight," Kenny Rogers and Sheena Easton
The country megastar and the Scottish songbird hit big with a thoroughly unnecessary Bob Seger cover. Somehow, Sheena ultimately resisted Kenny's bearded charms and eventually ran in the musical direction of Prince. Good choice.
40 - "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)," Journey
The San Francisco arena-rock machine had their biggest hit of this year with an okay synth-rocker about letting a lover go while reminding her that if her new guy screws her over, she can always come back. Steve Perry, what a sap.
39 - "Overkill," Men at Work
On the first single from second album Cargo, these Aussies sound more serious than they do on their first hits. This is an infectiously haunting song about insomnia caused by anxiety and loneliness. The way Colin Hay sings the line "Ghosts appear and fade away" is particularly effctive. Their most accomplished hit, if not their biggest.
38 - "You Are," Lionel Richie
Lionel kept the solo hits coming with this uptempo love song in which he declares that his love is his sun and his rain and he loves her so. It was co-written with his then-wife Brenda. They wouldn't always have such warm feelings for each other. Look it up.
37 - "She Blinded Me with Science," Thomas Dolby
The musician-technological innovator born Thomas Morgan Robertson had his only major American hit with this bizarrely-catchy classic that seems to be about a scientist's discomfort when being seduced by his lovely assistant. One could argue that this song was the template for the hit sitcom The Big Bang Theory. It's just pure fun, and a good excuse to randomly shout the word "Science!" And yes, this is a co-winner of the Uneasy Rider for all of 1983. What hit was strange enough to share this honor? Stay tuned.
36 - "Steppin' Out," Joe Jackson
Some might call him a poor-man's Elvis Costello, but I still like him, and this Cole Porter-inspired gem just makes me happy.
35 - "Time (Clock of the Heart)," Culture Club
Boy George and company's second American hit was this R&B-influenced tune about trying to convince a lover that they can be together in spite of obstacles. George's aching vocal lifts this higher than most other singers might have. Under the outrageous exterior, the man had pipes.
34 - "Uptown Girl," Billy Joel
Billy pays tribute to the group that inspired Jersey Boys. He gets the sound right, but the soul, not so much.
33 - "Jeopardy," The Greg Kihn Band
The Berkeley, California rock band had their biggest hit with this hooky track about romance in peril. Despite hitting #2 and having a memorable video about a haunted wedding, I think more people nowadays remember the "Weird Al" Yankovic parody "I Lost on Jeopardy." That was good, but the original should get a little love too.
32 - "Tell Her About It," Billy Joel
Billy apes vintage Motown on this #1 from the genre-hopping An Innocent Man LP. Not bad, but the Ed Sullivan-themed video was better than the song.
31 - "Mr. Roboto," Styx
Ah, here we go. The arena-rockers get high-tech and ambitious on this cheese classic that incorporated Japanese lyrics, a reference to IBM, a weird pronounciation of the word "modern" ("modren?"), and an ending that reveals that the song's android character is actually a human named "Kilroy," which ties into their futuristic concept album Kilroy Was Here. I couldn't decide between this and "She Blinded Me with Science," so I'm giving them both Uneasy Riders.
30 - "Truly," Lionel Richie
More love from Lionel. Brenda didn't co-write this one. That's probably for the best.
29 - "The Safety Dance," Men Without Hats
You know I always come with the Simpsons references, so for a change, here's a Futurama one. Remember when that 80s Wall Street player was unfrozen and took over Planet Express? He loved this song. You don't know what I'm talking about? Go and watch all the Futurama you can, especially the first four DVD volumes. You'll thank me.
28 - "Come On Eileen," Dexy's Midnight Runners
This combination of traditional Irish music and New Wave pop was an international smash, and still one of the decade's most memorable hits. Tell me you don't want to sing along whenever you hear this. Unfortunately, their career went downhill from here, the low point perhaps being losing a Grammy to Homer Simpson's barbershop quartet, The Be Sharps.
27 - "Dirty Laundry," Don Henley
The ex-Eagle wasn't happy with the state of television news at the time. I bet he's thrilled with it now.
26 - "Africa," Toto
Toto suck in general, but this is the closest they ever came to an earworm. Bless those African rains, boys.
Tomorrow: strenuous labour, famished wildlife, and geographical features. Oh yes, and THE NUMBER ONE SONG OF NINETEEN HUNDRED AND EIGHTY-THREE!
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