January 14, 1984 Part Two

First of all, I need to make a correction. "Pink Houses" was the second single released by "John Cougar Mellencamp." Thanks to Jimmy for pointing that out. I get the release order of that song and "Crumblin' Down" confused sometimes.

And before we wrap up 1984, let's have a little look at the chart from this week in 1974.

Steve Miller's "The Joker" was on top that week. The Top Ten included favorites such as "Smokin' in the Boys' Room," "Living for the City," and "Let Me Be There," plus a song we haven't yet encountered at #10, "Helen Wheels" by Paul McCartney and Wings. It's a throwaway rocker about Paul and Linda's Land Rover. Catchy, but trifling...Donny Osmond is at #15 with a double-sided single of covers, Elvis' "Are You Lonesome Tonight," and the side Casey played "When I Fall in Love," a standard that had been done by Doris Day, Nat King Cole, and The Lettermen, among others. Donny's voice had changed by this time. Nothing more to say...War's "Me and Baby Brother" is at #16. Funky reminiscences of family togetherness. Awwwww...More sweet soul form Al Green at #21. "Livin' for You" is probably middling for him, but 99% of other singers would kill to release something that good...Grand Funk are at 23 with "Walk Like a Man," which isn't a cover of the Four Seasons' hit. All I can say to that is, too bad...And with "Sister Mary Elephant" at 25, we've now encountered all three of Cheech and Chong's hit comedy singles, so "SHADDUP!" Thank you...Country legend Merle Haggard had his biggest pop hit with the heartbreaking "If We Make it Through December," a weepie about hard times during the holidays that we find this week at #32...Paul Simon didn't get any higher than 35 with "American Tune," but his song about the stuggles and triumphs of the American experience has become one of his more enduring numbers...Isaac Hayes' "Joy, Part 1," this week's 36, finds the man behind the theme from Shaft in the sex-soul genre that Barry White would perfect. But Isaac's effort is certainly worthy and effective...And the Temptations had a message for the uptight people of the world at #38, "Let Your Hair Down." I would, but I don't really have enough hair to make it worth my while...And this week, I shine my special spotlight on...

34 - "Painted Ladies," Ian Thomas
Like yours truly, Ian was born in Hamilton. He was a staple on Canadian radio for most of my childhood, and a couple of his songs would become U.S. hits for other artists: "Hold On" (Santana) and "The Runner" (Manfred Mann's Earth Band). But his only Stateside hit as an artist was this bouncy popper about a country boy whose venture into the big city doesn't go that well. For all his bluster to the family back home about "painted ladies and a bottle of wine," he is also forced to admit that "they took my money like I knew they would," and that he wants to come home. The keyboard (I think) riff that powers this song is infectious, and honestly, I think it deserved to be a bigger hit. But he did have one more brief moment in the U.S. spotlight, as he was a musical guest on an episode of SCTV How'd he swing that? By being the brother of Dave "Doug McKenzie" Thomas, of course.

Okay, now let's wrap up 1984.

20 - "I Still Can't Get Over Loving You," Ray Parker, Jr.
19 - "Major Tom (Coming Home)," Peter Schilling
18 - "Read 'em and Weep," Barry Manilow
17 - "That's All," Genesis
16 - "The Curly Shuffle," Jump 'N the Saddle

The second half opens with Ray Parker, Jr.'s final pre-"Ghostbusters" hit, a slow-burning midtmepo synth ballad about Ray's inability to accept not being with his old lover, to the point where he starts stalking her and even starts to sound threatening. This song was clearly inspired by "Every Breath You Take," and just to make sure that's obvious, Ray includes the line, "Every breath you take, I'll be watching you." The Police didn't sue him, though. Ray wouldn't be so lucky later.

German Peter Schilling had his only American hit with a New Wave retelling of a story strikingly similar to that of David Bowie's "Space Oddity:" An astronaut named Major Tom goes into space, then there's some sort of accident and Ground Control loses contact with him, and he seems doomed. But while the man in "Space Oddity" seems resigned to his fate, Schilling's Major Tom ends the song seemingly determined that even though everyone on Earth presumes him dead, he will somehow make it back home. Not a necessary song by any means, but decent. And I hate to admit it, but this was the "Major Tom" song I heard first.

Next is a landmark moment: the final Top 40 hit for Barry Manilow. And what better way for him to go out than to cover a tune by someone who was just as much of a master of epic pop balladry, Jim Steinman. It's a typically bombastic song, originally recorded by Meat Loaf, that conveys heartbreak using metaphors about actors in a play and guns with blank bullets. Not one of Steinman's better songs, and while Barry does the best he can, not having Jimmy there to produce and oversee things definitely dulls the impact. Still, a nice way to end the Manilow run.

Then it's Genesis with their first Top Ten hit in America, a simple pop song about hanging on to love through the rough patches. This song, one could argue, was the template for the many chart smashes on both Phil Collins' No Jacket Required and Genesis' Invisible Touch. However, the Genesis single that immediately followed this one was the frankly embarrassing "Illegal Alien," which featured Phil Collins singing in a Mexican accent. It missed the Top 40, but the video got a lot of play, so there were plenty of witnesses to that particular humiliation.

Rounding out this section are Chicago's Jump 'N the Saddle, a group whose music fell into the country/jazz hybrid sound "Western Swing." Not exactly the most commercial style in 1984, yet the group did manage a pop hit with this song about the legendary film comedy trio The Three Stooges, and in particular Curly Howard, whose many signature catchphrases and reaction sounds are imitated throughout the song. Novelty songs rarely lead to long runs in the national spotlight, and this was no exception. But the song endures, and it takes home this week's Uneasy Rider. What, you think it should have gone to "Major Tom?" Oh, a wise guy, eh?

15 - "Love is a Battlefield," Pat Benatar
14 - "Uptown Girl," Billy Joel
13 - "Joanna," Kool and the Gang
12 - "Undercover of the Night," The Rolling Stones
11 - "All Night Long (All Night)," Lionel Richie

This group is led off by Pat Benatar, returning from our last visit to this time frame with her hit about being young, strong, and never wrong. We've all been there. And most of us are glad we got past it.

Billy Joel returns, positioning himself as a "backstreet guy" trying to win the heart of a rich girl living in a "white bread world." I didn't believe him, but I guess Christie Brinkley did, so good for him.

Next are Kool and the Gang with a love song. For some reason, Kool and the Gang ballads bore the crap out of me. That's all I have to say.

Then it's the Stones with what might be their last really good single, a rhythmic rocker that seems to be about corruption and depravity in an unspecified Latin American country, with lyrics about politcal dissidents being kidnapped and tortured, militias roaming the streets, and prostitutes "done up in lace, done up in rubber." Good n' gritty.

Finishing this bunch is Lionel Richie's #1 party jam. This is probably his best solo single. Just good fun.

Into the valley of death rode the Top Ten...

10 - "Running with the Night," Lionel Richie
The Richieman's follow-up to "All Night Long" was this mild synth-funker about a couple's adventures in nightlife. Not one of his more memorable ones, but all right.

9 - "Karma Chameleon," Culture Club
The one and only American #1 for George and the boys was this almost bluesy pop classic about saying what you mean and standing up for what you believe in, because not doing so can lead to spiritual payback. Catchy as all hell, and the Mississippi Riverboat-set video is one of the decade's iconic clips. This really was their peak.


8 - "I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues," Elton John
Sir Elton returned to the American Top Ten after three-and-a-half years with this cool midtempo number about missing someone. Stevie Wonder contributed a harmonica solo, which is always welcome. One of his best 80s moments.

7 - "Break My Stride," Matthew Wilder
The biggest hit for the man born Matthew Weiner was this reggaeish synth-pop earworm about staying the course and focusing on a goal. And about dreams involving doing laundry in China. The two go hand in hand, don't they?

6 - "Talking in Your Sleep," The Romantics
These Detroit New Wavers had their biggest chart hit by far with this dreamy dance-rocker about eavesdropping on a lovers nocturnal monologues. But in spite of its success, it's probably been overshadowed in most people's thoughts by 1980's "What I Like About You," which didn't even make the Top 40. That's how it goes sometimes.

5 - "Twist of Fate," Olivia Newton-John
Pulsing synth-rock from Two of a Kind, the movie that reunited ONJ with Grease co-star John Travolta. In it, the two play bank robbers who double-cross each other and then fall in love, not knowing that they have to change their criminal ways or God will send another Great Flood to Earth. Yes, you read that right. The song's okay, but that movie sounds like crazy cheese. I should see it sometime.

4 - "Union of the Snake," Duran Duran
Double D's fourth American hit. The lyrics are inscrutable, but Simon Le Bon once said in an interview that it was about Tantric sex. That sounds about right, so I'll go with that.

3 - "Say It Isn't So," Daryl Hall and John Oates
More Hall and Oates. This time, they're here with some typical lite-funk about hoping a relationshp isn't over. Not one of their more distinct hits.

2 - "Owner of a Lonely Heart," Yes
The progressive rock giants of the 70s went in a more poppy direction on the 90125 LP, and they were immediately rewarded with their first and only American #1 single. It's jagged-yet-accessible pop rock about moving on and getting out in the world in spite of the risks. A sellout, perhaps, but a pretty damn good one.

And topping the charts in the second week of the year George Orwell said we'd all be ruled by Big Brother was...

1 - "Say Say Say," Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson
The Mac and Jack Connection spent the last of their six weeks on top with this tune about the ups and downs of love. At least they seem animated here, unlike on the coma-inducing "The Girl is Mine."

The NotCaseys were Duran Duran's "New Moon on Monday," Huey Lewis and the News' "I Want a New Drug," Nena's "99 Red Balloons," and Van Halen's "Jump." And there were two Long Distance Dedications. An American woman in Germany dedicated the Eagles' "Best of My Love," to her oft-absent soldier husband, and a man sent out Journey's "Still They Ride," to the best friend who seemed kind of down about the two having to go their separate ways to live the rest of their lives.

And we're out.