July 1979. Britain grants independence to the Gilbert Islands in Micronesia, which then become the Republic of Kiribati. None of the new nation’s te kainikamaen folk music made it onto this week’s chart. Here’s what did.
40 - “Head Over Heels in Love,” Kevin Keegan
Born in Doncaster in 1951, Keegan was one of England’s most famous footballers in the 70s, known for both the trophies he brought to Liverpool and his distinctively permed hair. At this point, he was plying his day trade in Hamburg, Germany, but he spent part of the offseason collaborating with Chris Norman and Pete Spencer of Smokie on this heavily orchestrated love song. It’s the musical equivalent of blasting a penalty ten feet over the bar. It got to #31 here, but the Germans put it into the Top Ten. Perhaps there’s a correlation between curly-haired English speakers and Teutonic pop success. Call it the Hasselhoff effect.
Oh, and this is as good a time as any to comment on England’s World Cup performance. As individuals, Harry Kane and Jordan Pickford established themeselves as truly elite talents. As a team, they broke their shootout curse against Colombia, but they did go out in a familiar way in the semis: going a goal up early only to be equalized later and eventually beaten. All in all though, they did more than was expected from such a young squad, Gareth Southgate is now a beloved hero instead of the tragic figure of 1996, and 2022 looks like a year where, as they say, football just might come home.
39 - “Bad Girls,” Donna Summer
The Queen’s disco evergreen about naughty ladies was denied a Triple Crown here. It didn’t even make the Top Ten. I blow my whistle and show the Brits a yellow card for this offense.
38 - “Old Siam, Sir,” Paul McCartney and Wings
Macca is here with a silly rock song about a Thai lady who goes to Britain to find a man. It’s becoming clear that 1979 was Paul’s worst creative year.
37 - “Shine a Little Love,”Electric Light Orchestra
ELO’s tenth Top Ten. A symphony of danceable pop-rock. Maybe the closest competitor to “Mr. Blue Sky” among their crowning glories.
36 - “Chuck E.’s in Love,” Rickie Lee Jones
The Chicagoan’s classic jazz-blues groove was Top Five at home, but shockingly only got to #18 here. Britain usually rallies behind the cool and strange, but not this time.
35 - “(The World is Full Of) Married Men,” Bonnie Tyler
Bonnie’s first hit since “It’s a Heartache” was this disco warning against getting involved with betrothed males that served as the title song for a film based on a 1968 Jackie Collins novel about the struggles of working class coal miners. Or the sex lives of the rich and powerful. I forget which. Anyway, kind of a dud. Bette Midler did it better.
34 - “Death Disco,” Public Image Ltd.
PiL’s second hit was apparently a response to a request from his dying mother to write a disco song for her funeral. It’s a howl of pain with jagged guitar penetrating the dance groove. Johnny Rotten was keeping up the punk revolt, just on another front.
33 - “Strangle Hold,” UK Subs
The first hit for the London pub punks was this fast rocker about being in the grip of love. They sound like The Clash with less on their mind here. That seems to be a consensus opinion of their whole career.
32 - “Breakfast in America,” Supertramp
The ‘Tramp’s second and last home Top Ten was this poppy jaunt about a man with a boring life and a plain girlfriend dreaming of a glamorous life in the USA. An extremely hard-to-shake earworm.
31 - “Space Bass,” Slick
Cosmic disco-funk from a Philly outfit featuring members of Fat Larry’s Band. High-quality rump-shaking inspiration, and it will always be, even in the year 3000.
30 - “Born to be Alive,” Patrick Hernandez
The French one-hitter’s none-more-disco chestnut was #10 here, #16 in the States, and...#1 in Canada?! Whoa. Not so sure about that one. But I wonder, if I were to say that this song’s title sounds like it was written by Captain Obvious, could I get thi site a sponsorship from a certain accommodation website? Worth a try.
29 - “Girls Talk,” Dave Edmunds
Edmunds’ court and final Top Ten was this bit of cleverness from Elvis Costello about the travails of romance. Impossible to not love.
28 - “Lady Lynda,’ The Beach Boys
The Boys scored their first Top Ten in nine years with this midtempo ballad sung by Al Jardine to his then-wife. It’s kind of yacht-rocky, and that’s not really my thing. But the arrangement lifts it into my like column. And maybe it also has something to do with the fact that I have my own Lady Lynda.
27 - “Wanted,” The Dooleys
The biggest hit by this family group was this ABBA-style disco pop tune about desire. I have to admit, this one is good enough to compete with the masters.
26 - “Do Anything You Want To,” Thin Lizzy
This one bears some musical similarities to “The Boys are Back in Town,” but it’s pretty good in and of itself, with lyrics about not letting anyone stop you from doing your thing. The mention of Elvis’ death at the end, complete with a Phil Lynott Presley impersonation, is a little out of nowhere, but it just adds a bit of charm.
25 - “Masquerade,” Skids
The second hit for these Scottish punks was this song that seems to be about the futility of war. It namedrops Guernica, the site of a 1937 bombing raid during the Spanish Civil War that inspired one of Pablo Picasso’s most famous paintings. The song’s not quite that iconic, but it’s very good.
24 - “Gertcha,” Chas and Dave
The first hit for the inventors of “rockney” was this song about a man’s father and his use of the titular exclamation of displeasure, often in tandem with the epithet “cowson.” One of the things that is said to provoke this is “When the Poles knock England out the Cup.” I assume the same would apply to the Croats.
23 - “Say When,” Lene Lovich
The second hit for the Detroit New Waver is a bouncy number about being sexually assertive and in control. The more I hear of her, the more I’m convinced of her likely influence on Cyndi Lauper.
22 - “Good Times,” Chic
Disco refined and defined. #1 in the States, #2 in Canada, #5 here. The Sugarhill Gang sampled it, Queen nicked it, many more have used it. Clams on the half-shell and roller skates for everyone.
21 - “Babylon’s Burning,” The Ruts
Another punk band with some Clash similarities, these guys picked up their first and biggest hit with this tune about youth rebellion and anxiety. Unlike UK Subs, these guys seem to be genuinely on the same wavelength as their more famous peers, rather than just trying to sound like them.
In Part Two: stay up late to go dancing, or maybe watch an old western rerun.
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