And then, the other 20 from this week in '06.
20 - "When I'm Gone," Eminem
19 - "Walk Away," Kelly Clarkson
18 - "Pump It," The Black Eyed Peas
17 - "One Wish," Ray J
16 - "Unwritten," Natasha Bedingfield
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The second half begins with another Eminem psychodrama about leaving his kids and their mother to go out on tour, and how his dreams torment him with images of his daughter taunting him that he loves his fans more than her. Like him or not, it's hard to debate that any pop artist has laid his demons more bare in his music than Marshall Mathers.
Kelly Clarkson makes her second appearance this week with a strutting rocker about a relationship that isn't working out. Another brilliant vocal, and a shoutout to Canadians Raine Maida and Chantal Kreviazuk for co-writing it.
Next are the Black Eyed Peas, who continued their rise to pop domination with this standard party rap fuelled by a sample of Dick Dale's "Misirlou." The fact that the song survives this attempted ruination, and that it probably made Dale quite a bit of money, makes it my favorite BEP song. Not that it has much competition.
Then it's William Ray Norwood Jr., who despite having had a handful of hits is probably best known either as Brandy's brother or Kim Kardashian's sex-tape costar. One of those hits is this run-of-the-mill R&B ballad about hoping to reunite with a childhood sweetheart. He sings it all right, but I can't say I'm terribly impressed.
Rounding out this quintet is Natasha Bedingfield's biggest American hit, a song about controlling one's destiny that later became the theme song to that terrible MTV thing The Hills. That aside, it's pleasant enough empowerment pop. Still, nothing she's done beats brother Daniel's "Gotta Get Thru This" in my books.
15 - "There it Go (The Whistle Song)," Juelz Santana
14 - "My Humps," The Black Eyed Peas
13 - "Grillz," Nelly featuring Paul Wall, Ali and Gipp
12 - "Gold Digger," Kanye West featuring Jamie Foxx
11 - "Sugar, We're Going Down," Fall Out Boy
This group is led off by the biggest solo hit for New York rapper Juelz Santana. He likes to whistle at attractive women, apparently. Thank you for sharing, Mr. Santana, but I don't think much of the song.
The Black Eyed Peas make their second dent on this weeks chart with this lascivious ode to Stacy Ferguson's "lovely lady lumps." And how Will.i.am wants to mix her milk with his "Cocoa Puff." Just creepy all around.
Next is the most recent charttopper to date from Nelly, which he achieved with the assistance of Houstonian Paul Wall, Atlantan Big Gipp, and fellow St. Lunatic Ali. This one's about decorative jewelry worn over one's teeth. Not sure if that's comfortable, but some people like it. Not sure I'd want to wear a top row of diamonds and a bottom row of gold if I were to try this, though. But it's an okay song, and the line "I gotta bill in my mouth like Hillary Rodham" is kind of clever, in a juvenile way.
Then it's Kanye West's first #1, a song about the perils of women who pursue men for their money which features Jamie Foxx singing backup in his Ray Charles voice. But it doesn't completely let guys off the hook, warning women who stick with a man while he's on his way up that when he gets there, he might "leave you for a white girl." This song doesn't need fixing, because it ain't broke, broke.
Anchoring this bunch are Fall Out Boy. I know I haven't made many Simpsons references lately, but this week one comes gift-wrapped in the form of the superstar emo band who named themselves after the ward of Bart Simpson's comic-book hero Radioactive Man. Their first hit was this number that seems to be about jealousy over an ex's new relationship. Emo lyrics can be hard to crack, though. Anyway, this is pretty catchy. I like it.
Do not stare directly into the Top Ten.
10 - "If it's Lovin' That You Want," Rihanna
Back again with her second hit. I like it better then "Pon De Replay," but she'd go on to do much better.
9 - "Dance, Dance," Fall Out Boy
These guys again, obliquely talking about girl troubles. Though I think the meaning of "show me the little bit of spine you've been saving for his mattress" comes through loud and clear. Still, their other song here is better.
8 - "So Sick," Ne-Yo
Just watched this guy, born Shaffer Smith in Camden, Arkansas, perform at the NBA All-Star Game. Didn't think much of the songs he did there, but this, his first hit, is a pretty damn good weeper about how the radio won't stop reminding you of your broken relationship. Very, very solid.
7 - "Photograph," Nickelback
The Albertans break out the acoustic guitars for this song where Chad Kroeger gets wistful about his youth and his hometown: sneaking out of the house to break into the school, blowing money at the arcade, kissing a girl for the first time, etc. The lyrical and musical style remind me of much of what's passed for country music in the last 20 years or so, so I suppose they were widening their demographic. Like it or not, that's why they're huge.
6 - "Don't Forget About Us," Mariah Carey
The second #1 from her return to multiplatinum form The Emancipation of Mimi was this ballad about wanting to remember the good times with someone you're no longer with. It's pretty predictable by her standards, and that's probably why it worked.
5 - "Dirty Little Secret," The All-American Rejects
Somehow, these nondescript Oklahomans became platinum stars in the middle of this decade with songs like this pop-rock trifle about being with a girl but not wanting anyone to know about it. Or something. I don't care enough to be sure.
4 - "Because of You," Kelly Clarkson
This aching ballad about emotional damage, inspired by the divorce of her parents, is arguably Clarkson's tour de force. I don't think that even if American Idol runs a thousand more years that they'll be able to find an artist nearly as powerful and talented as the original.
3 - "Run It," Chris Brown
Okay, now I gotta deal with this asshole. Sigh. Well, on his first hit, he sounds like the horny 16-year-old he probably was. But I don't have anything more to say about his music. We know what he did four years ago, and we know that he's been acting like a persecuted victim and an all-around jerk pretty much ever since. And no, the fact that Rihanna's back with you doesn't excuse a damn thing. Now let's move on.
2 - "Check On It," Beyoncé featuring Slim Thug
For some reason, this was released on a Destiny's Child best-of even though only one of the Children is on it. Basically, it's Beyonce telling men to look how hot she is when she's dancing. Well, okay, Ms. Knowles, if you insist.
And at #1 seven years ago was...
1 - "Stickwitu," The Pussycat Dolls
Originally, The Pussycat Dolls were an L.A.-based burlesque troupe founded in the mid-90s. But then as their popularity increased, record execcutives pitched the idea of the group becoming a musical franchise. Four of the group's dancers and two hired singers, one of them former Eden's Crush member Nicole Scherzinger, then went into the studio to record an album. The CD sold millions worldwide, powered mainly by its first two singles: the once-ubiquitous "Don't Cha," and this gooey ballad of devotion. A second album was released in 2008, but it failed to deliver on its title promise of Doll Domination, and they've since broken up. Scherzinger still pops up judging singing competitions, but the rest have faded into the showbiz background. There is talk or a reunion, though. Keep your fingers crossed. Or don't.
Next time: Oh thank heaven, it's 2007.
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