The OMUTURE: Semifinals

THE SURE, YOU'RE A TEENAGER GETTING SHOT AT IN A JUNGLE THOUSANDS OF MILES FROM HOME, BUT LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE BOWL

"19," Paul Hardcastle, 1985

vs. "Don't Worry, Be Happy," Bobby McFerrin, 1988

HOW THEY GOT HERE

19

ROUND 1; Defeated "Born in the USA" by Bruce Springsteen 45-19

ROUND 2: Defeated "Still in Saigon" by The Charlie Daniels Band 42- 16

ROUND 3: Defeated "Another Brick in the Wall Part 2" by Pink Floyd 44-10

ROUND 4; Defeated "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel 28-14

ROUND 5: Defeated "One" by Metallica 35-27

QUARTERFINAL: Defeated: "Turning Japanese" by The Vapors 37-10

Don't Worry, Be Happy

ROUND 1: Defeated "The Longest Time" by Billy Joel 56-0

ROUND 2; Defeated "Come On Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners 51-3

ROUND 3: Defeated "Orinoco Flow" by Enya 34-28

ROUND 4: Defeated "Wasn't That a Party" by The Rovers 45-3

ROUND 5: Defeated "Eat It" by Weird Al Yankovic 35-19

QUARTERFINAL: Defeated "I've Never Been to Me" by Charlene 27-21

Final Score: Nineteen 28, Happy 24.  Some observers felt that this could be a slaughter, with McFerrin's team's carefree attitude causing them to be torn to pieces by the battle hardened Hardcastle battalion.  But the Happy team held their own, with the ignorance of the danger presented by their opponents genuinely turning to bliss for much of the game.  But this really was a game that was impossible for him to win, and even though many of his players were severely injured at the end and had to be airlifted out of the stadium, they all still left with smiles on their faces.  Paul and company have proved that they're in this until the bitter end.

THE WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA VS. NYUK NYUK NYUK BOWL

"Pac-Man Fever," Buckner and Garcia, 1982

vs. "The Curly Shuffle," Jump N the Saddle, 1984

HOW THEY GOT HERE

Pac-Man Fever

ROUND 1: Defeated "Digital Display" by Ready for the World 52-10

ROUND 2: Defeated "Double Dutch Bus" by Frankie Smith 42-21

ROUND 3: Defeated "Radio Ga-Ga" by Queen 44-7

ROUND 4: Defeated "Mr. Roboto" by Styx 41-10

ROUND 5: Defeated "Valley Girl" by Frank and Moon Zappa 25-17

QUARTERFINAL; Defeated "Run for the Roses" by Dan Fogelberg 42-13

The Curly Shuffle

ROUND 1: Defeated "Twilight Tone" by The Manhattan Transfer 44-3

ROUND 2: Defeated "I Wanna Be a Cowboy" by Boys Don't Cry 47-7

ROUND 3: Defeated "The Clapping Song" by Pia Zadora 49-17

ROUND 4: Defeated "Walk the Dinosaur" by Was (Not Was) 45-16

ROUND 5: Defeated "Rock Me Amadeus" by Falco 31-14

QUARTERFINAL: Defeated "General Hospi-Tale" by The Afternoon Delights 31-21

Final Score: Curly 33, Pac-Man 31.  This was one of the tournament's most exciting games, as both teams played with reckless abandon.  The Stooges' physicality was devastating as usual, and the Pac-Men made many spectacular moves to evade tackles on their way to scores.  The Curly crew seemed on their way to defeat with seconds to go, but they managed to get the winning touchdown on a play so disorganized it resembled slapstick comedy. But it ended with Curly himself in the end zone, and his team rewarding their winning coach not with a Gatorade bath but a pie to the face.  It's Game Over for Buckner and Garcia.  They have played their last quarter.  The Stooges shuffle on to what will surely be a thrilling final.

The OMUTURE: Quarterfinals

THE MAKE LOVE NOT WAR BOWL 

"Turning Japanese," The Vapors, 1980

vs. "19," Paul Hardcastle, 1985

HOW THEY GOT HERE

Turning Japanese

ROUND 1: Defeated "She Bop" by Cyndi Lauper 42-35

ROUND 2: Defeated "Centrefold" by The J. Geils Band 41-17

ROUND 3: Defeated "Sugar Walls" by Sheena Easton 49-6

ROUND 4: Defeated "Whip It" by Devo 42-16

ROUND 5: Defeated ""Bust a Move" by Young MC 28-10

19

ROUND 1; Defeated "Born in the USA" by Bruce Springsteen 45-19

ROUND 2: Defeated "Still in Saigon" by The Charlie Daniels Band 42- 16

ROUND 3: Defeated "Another Brick in the Wall Part 2" by Pink Floyd 44-10

ROUND 4; Defeated "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel 28-14

ROUND 5: Defeated "One" by Metallica 35-27

Final Score: Nineteen 37, Turning 10.  Hardcastle's team brought out all their heavy artillery: the shotgun, the long bomb, and relentless blitzing to vaporize their opponents' hopes.  The Turning team no longer have this tournament to occupy their attention, but observers believe they'll have no trouble finding a new pastime, and when they do, we might not see them for awhile.

THE BLISSFUL IGNORANCE BOWL 

"I've Never Been to Me," Charlene, 1982

vs. "Don't Worry, Be Happy," Bobby McFerrin, 1988

HOW THEY GOT HERE

I've Never Been to Me

ROUND 1: Defeated "Coming Around Again" by Carly Simon 31-14

ROUND 2; Defeated "To All the Girls I've Loved Before" by Willie Nelson and Julio Iglesias 31-17

ROUND 3; Defeated "Relax" by Frankie Goes to Hollywood 24-10

ROUND 4: Defeated "Dirty Laundry" by Don Henley 34-14

ROUND 5: Defeated "Sun City" by Artists United Against Apartheid 19-14.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

ROUND 1: Defeated "The Longest Time" by Billy Joel 56-0

ROUND 2; Defeated "Come On Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners 51-3

ROUND 3: Defeated "Orinoco Flow" by Enya 34-28

ROUND 4: Defeated "Wasn't That a Party" by The Rovers 45-3

ROUND 5: Defeated "Eat It" by Weird Al Yankovic 35-19

Final Score: Happy 27, Never 21.  Both teams had gotten this far by displaying a devil-may-care attitude and not thinking about anything but winning the game in front of them. But early in the second half of this game, Charlene's team appeared to start doubting themselves, wondering if the way they played the game was worth it in the long term, and perhaps even if they should have taken up a different sport. McFerrin's team took advantage of this to get the win.  After the game, losing coach Charlene announce that her entire team was giving up football to find their soulmates and start families, because, "marriage and children are the most precious trophies of all."

THE INFLICTING AND REPAIRING INJURIES BOWL 

"General Hospi-Tale," The Afternoon Delights, 1981

vs. "The Curly Shuffle," Jump N The Saddle, 1984

HOW THEY GOT HERE

General Hospi-Tale

ROUND 1: Defeated "The Goonies R Good Enough" by Cyndi Lauper

ROUND 2: Defeated "Bette Davis Eyes" by Kim Carnes 35-6

ROUND 3: Defeated "Burning Heart" by Survivor 38-7

ROUND 4: Defeated "Batdance" by Prince 34-28

ROUND 5: Defeated "Heartlight" by Neil Diamond 27-13

The Curly Shuffle

ROUND 1: Defeated "Twilight Tone" by The Manhattan Transfer 44-3

ROUND 2: Defeated "I Wanna Be a Cowboy" by Boys Don't Cry 47-7

ROUND 3: Defeated "The Clapping Song" by Pia Zadora 49-17

ROUND 4: Defeated "Walk the Dinosaur" by Was (Not Was) 45-16

ROUND 5: Defeated "Rock Me Amadeus" by Falco 31-14

Final Score: Curly 31, General 21.  The Stooge team struggled to get its act together in the first half, making numerous mistakes and blaming each other for them.  But in the second half, they became more focused and threw everything they had at the Delights, who at the same time started getting caught up in their own internal dramas, and the surgical precision they showed early in the game was replaced by suspicion and intrigue.  Once again the Shuffle squad finds a way to win, but there's a surprisingly celebratory mood in the Hospi-Tale camp, because apparently two of their players are about to marry each other. And apparently an L. Taylor will be in attendance, and it's not Lawrence.

THE YOU PAY YOUR MONEY AND YOU TAKE YOUR CHANCE BOWL 

"Pac-Man Fever," Buckner and Garcia, 1982

vs. "Run for the Roses," Dan Fogelberg, 1982 

HOW THEY GOT HERE

Pac-Man Fever

ROUND 1: Defeated "Digital Display" by Ready for the World 52-10

ROUND 2: Defeated "Double Dutch Bus" by Frankie Smith 42-21

ROUND 3: Defeated "Radio Ga-Ga" by Queen 44-7

ROUND 4: Defeated "Mr. Roboto" by Styx 41-10

ROUND 5: Defeated "Valley Girl" by Frank and Moon Zappa 25-17

Run for the Roses

ROUND 1: Defeated "The Runner" by Manfred Mann's Earth Band 49-7

ROUND 2: Defeated "Master Blaster (Jammin') by Stevie Wonder 51-0

ROUND 3: Defeated "Wipe Out" by The Fat Boys and the Beach Boys 37-7

ROUND 4: Defeated "Puttin' on the Ritz" by Taco 38-21

ROUND 5: Defeated ""Bruce" by Rick Springfield 37-7

Final Score: Pac-Man 42, Roses 13.  Buckner and Garcia's bunch ducked and dodged and gobbled up yardage against the a Fogelberg team used to going straight forward and powering ahead.  That approach wasn't enough against the Pac's quickness, and the Roses soon ran out of lives and were forced to walk away from the tournament.  But life after the tournament seems like it will be pretty good for the Rose boys.  Their team owner has lined them up some very special "appointments," in order to create the next generation of stars, so they feel like winners in spite of this loss.

The OMYAM Podcast Episodes #96 & #97: Tales From the Bargain Bin #10 - Blue Angel & March 1, 1980

Episode 96

Episode #97

Two 1980-centric shows.  First it's a look at the only album by a band whose singer later showed her true colors as an 80s icon.  Then we check out charts from the third month of that year, discussing songs by Tommy James, Led Zeppelin, The Flying Lizards, Stiff Little Fingers, The Boomtown Rats, The Buggles, Smokey Robinson and more.  Find the YouTube playlists here and here, and you can support the show on Patreon here.  These episodes will give you such a thrill, even if they won't pay your bills. 

The OMYAM Podcast Episode #95: February 12, 1977

Episode #95 

This episode looks at charts from roughly 45 years ago, including discussion of hits by Earth Wind and Fire, Captain and Tennille, Hall and Oates, Liverpool Express, Bob Seger, The Sylvers and more. The YouTube playlist is here, and the opportunity to support the show on Patreon is here.  Listen to this episode before the calliope crashes to the ground.

The OMUTURE: Round 5

 THE OUTNUMBERED BUT NOT OUTSTUNNED BOWL

"19," Paul Hardcastle, 1985

vs. "One," Metallica, 1989

Final Score: Nineteen 35, One 27.  Both teams came out ready for a war, and the hard hitting and relentless pressure caused a lot of injuries on both sides.  The 19 team, however, seemed to have a deeper bench.  It seemed like Hardcastle had hundreds, if not thousands, of young men at his disposal, ready to come in and take a fallen teammate's place.  Metallica's squad had a lot of heart, but the punishing action took a toll to the point where by the final stages they seemed more than ready for their tournament lives to be over.

THE I AIN'T GONNA PLAY ANYWHERE KINGS ARE GONNA UNDRESS ME BOWL

"I've Never Been to Me," Charlene, 1982

vs. "Sun City," Artists United Against Apartheid, 1986

Final Score: Never 19, City 14.  The Charlene team continued to demonstrate that they were willing to go anywhere and do anything to experience all that this tournament have to offer, where as their opponents were always clear that there were some things they would not do, no matter what it cost them.  And it finally did come to that.  The Artists bow out with their principles intact, while the Me side continue to ignore the voices that tell them that winning this tournament might not be as fulfilling as they think it will be.

THE I'M INTO CLEAN STUFF BOWL

"Pac-Man Fever," Buckner and Garcia, 1982

vs. "Valley Girl," Frank and Moon Zappa, 1982

Final Score: Fever 25, Valley 17.  The Pac-Men prevailed with their quick movement and ability to evade tackles from all sides, while Zappa's team seemed to lose interest in the game in the second half, and were like, ohmigod, these cleats are so ugly, and when I take them off the smell is like grody, grody to the max.  I don't wanna do this anymore.  Let's get this over with and go to the Galleria, you know?

 

THE GIVE ME THAT MAGIC FLUTE, NUMBSKULL BOWL

"The Curly Shuffle," Jump N the Saddle, 1984

vs. "Rock Me Amadeus," Falco, 1986

Final Score: Curly 31, Amadeus 14.  The Saddle side's hard hitting and chaotic offense were impressive once again, but the real story of the game was an injury to Falco's star player, Wolfgang, who went down after an unfortunate collision with his backup, Salieri.  Sone say that Salieri injured Wolfgang intentionally so he could prove that he was a better player, but whether he did so or not, he played poorly and was booed off the field by his own team's fans, while the Shuffle faithful mocked him and pelted him with cream pies.

THE COPING MECHANISMS BOWL

"Eat It," Weird Al Yankovic, 1984

vs. "Don't Worry, Be Happy," Bobby McFerrin, 1988

Final Score: Happy 35, Eat 19.  The difference in this game was a lack of energy on the part of Yankovic's players, which was reportedly caused by lack of nourishment.  Apparently they refused to have anything for a pregame meal because they were unhappy with the options available at the team hotel.  The Happy team had no such issues, and they joyfully romped to yet another victory.

THE I'LL BE RIGHT HERE WATCHING MY STORIES BOWL

"General Hospi-Tale," The Afternoon Delights, 1981

vs. "Heartlight," Neil Diamond, 1982

Final Score: General 27, Heartlight 13.  After their impressive win over Prince, the Delights take down another big name, in large part because Diamond's star player, who had carried the team this far with his otherworldly talent, was so confused by the ever shifting formations of the opposing defense that he was confused and frustrated and finally just wanted to go home.  Interestingly, he did not leave the stadium on the bus with his teammates, but rather was picked up by a mysterious vehicle of another kind.  But this player, who was referred to by his initials only, lit up this tournament while he was here, and memories of his performances will never leave us.

THE HOPEFULLY THERE'S NOT A CELIBATE ROPE IN THAT CELL BOWL

"Turning Japanese," The Vapors, 1980

vs. "Bust a Move," Young MC, 1989

Final Score: Turning 28, Bust 10.  The Vapors team disoriented their opponents by turning up, turning down, turning in and turning round. The Young boys' moves were not distracting enough to divert the laser focus of the Japanese team. The losing team will now turn their attentions to scoring on a different kind of playing field.

THE MY NAME ISN'T SECRETARIAT EITHER BOWL

"Run for the Roses," Dan Fogelberg, 1982

vs. "Bruce," Rick Springfield, 1984

Final Score: Roses 37, Bruce 7.  Springfield's team seemed to struggle with their identity in this game, while Fogelberg's side knew exactly who they were and what they had to do: they were athletes formed by genetics and training, and they wanted to run, run, run until the race, er, game, was over.  And then enjoy a postgame meal of oats, carrots, and a sugar cube for dessert.

Episode #94: The Old Man's Ultimate Tournament of Uneasy Riders of the 80s - Semifinals

 Episode #94

The Final Four square off:

19 vs. Don't Worry, Be Happy 

Pac-Man Fever vs. The Curly Shuffle 

The YouTube playlist is here.

The link to support the show on Patreon is here.

No clever closing line, just listen.

Episode #93: February 2, 1991

Episode #93

This episode covers hits from midwinter of 1991, including songs by Helix, The Farm, Iggy Pop, Wilson Phillips, INXS, C+C Music Factory, Blue Rodeo and more.  See and hear more on YouTube here, and consider supporting the show on Patreon here.  Go ahead, be impulsive and listen to this one.