September 1994. In Britain...um...three London Underground stations were about to close. That’s something. Is the chart more interesting? Let’s see.
40 - “Let’s Get Ready to Rhumble,” PJ and Duncan
Newcastle natives Anthony McPartlin first met when they acted together in the teen soap Byker Grove. After they left that show, they started a pop-rap career using the first names of their old TV characters. Their first Top Ten was bit of peppy, parent-friendly brattiness. They have had many more hit since, but their biggest success as come as duo “Ant and Dec,” presenting comedy, variety, and quiz programmes, including Pop Idol and Britain’s Got Talent.
39 - “Letitgo,” Prince
The Purple Symbol was in the midst of trying to get out of his contract with the Warner Bros. label, and this song was a funky declaration that he was just going to ride it out and give the label just enough to fulfill his obligations. It’s much better than that premise would lead you to believe.
38 - “Inside Out,” Shara Nelson
Nelson’s fourth hit sees her accompanied only with electric guitar on a ballad about loving someone who knows you well. Simple and sublime.
37 - “Sugar Sugar,” Duke Baysee
I can’t find much about this guy, not the least his real name, but I did learn that he was a former bus conductor who had his only hit by contributing dancehall toasts to a dance-funk cover of the 1969 Archies chestnut. Okay, but nothing about it had a shelf life.
36 - “Wilmot,” Sabres of Paradise
The biggest hit by this group led by house DJ Andy Weatherall was this atmospheric chunk of dub/trip-hop/chillout. Whatever it is, I quite like it.
35 - “So Good,” Eternal
The girl group’s fourth hit was this danceable love song. Its appeal doesn’t live up to their name.
34 - “Unbearable,” The Wonder Stuff
The Stuffies last hit was, ironically enough, a reissue of an early single from 1987. Fun pop-rock about someone who rubs you the wrong way. I liked it very much when I met it, and now I like it even more.
33 - “Warriors,” Aswad
The penultimate hit for the London reggae outfit was this okay track about fighting for freedom and such. Energetic delivery, but not much impact.
32 - “Someone to Love,” Sean Maguire
By-numbers dance pop from a cute boy. One of the only timeless formulas for pop success.
31 - “Elegantly American EP,” M People
This EP contains remixes of their previous two hits “One Night in Heaven” and “Movin’ On Up.” Not essential, but more Heather Small isn’t a bad thing.
30 - “Fireworks,” Roxette
They were done having hits in America, but the Swedish duo was still cracking the charts here with tracks like this one about memories of loves past. Their typical power pop-rock, which is enough to
make me smile.
29 - “Know by Now,” Robert Palmer
Another artist done in the U.S. but still charting here, Palmer shows up with a lite-funk love song.
Nice, but it just doesn’t have the fire or soul of his biggest hits.
28 - “Eighteen Strings,” Tinman
Hull DJ Paul Dakeyne had his biggest hit with this house track featuring a hard rock guitar riff and a Run DMC sample. Fine strutting music.
27 - “Welcome to Tomorrow (Are You Ready),” Snap!
The final Top Ten for the German dance machine was this fast track that features some nice singing from a lady called Summer, but no rap. Turbo B is nowhere to be heard, and I don’t want that.
26 - Love Here I Come,” Bad Boys Inc.
The last of six hits for yet another boy band. Mediocre singing, mediocre lyrics, mediocre house beats. So an all-time classic, obviously.
25 - “Blame it on Me,” D-Ream
More boybandliness. Above average in its category. Points added for being from Derry, where I can personally tell you good things come out of. A point off for feeling the need to tell me that "ditty" means "song.
24 - “Dreamer,” Livin’ Joy
Italian Eurodance notable mainly because it got to #18 in this first run, but went to #1 a year later. More mild amusement than joy.
23 - “Yesterday When I Was Mad,” Pet Shop Boys
This is Eurodance as well, but Neil Tennant adds his snotty haughtiness, and therefore, magic is made
22 - “Atomic (Remix),” Blondie
An updated treatment of the band’s 1980 hit. It fits perfectly in the dance context of the time, and doesn’t sound ruined. A neat trick. Debbie is timeless.
21 - “Trouble,” Shampoo
From Plumstead in London, Jacqui Blake and Carrie Askew had their first and biggest hit with this bratty bubblegummer about staying out late and getting up to no good. Fun, in a sanitized-License to Ill sort of way.
In Part Two: another updating of an 80s hit, a song inspired by the mugging of a celebrity, and a monster movie ballad.
Friday, September 28, 2018
Sunday, September 23, 2018
The Old Man’s Ultimate 70s Uneasy Rider Tournament: Round One, Part 7
Our penultimate group has a lot of songs about music and the record biz, plus some topical-at-the-time hits.
THE HELL OF A BAND BOWL
“Rock and Roll Heaven,” The Righteous Brothers, 1974
vs. “The King is Gone,” Ronnie McDowell, 1977
Two hits that pay tribute to deceased rock stars. Unrelated twosome Bobby Hatfield and Bill Medley returned to the charts after eight years with a #3 ode to a handful of deceased rockers, from Hendrix and Joplin to Croce and Darin. Tennessean McDowell, on the other hand, narrowed his focus on his #13 tribute to the then-recently deceased Elvis Presley.
Final Score: King 42, Heaven 27. It was a case of one transcendent star finding a way to overcome a team of greats. The Righteous team treated imagined their subjects as angels, but McDowell’s effort was so reverential and hymnlike that it made Elvis seem like a god who visited Earth, ultimately making his opponents lose that winning feeling.
THE YOU CAN’T GO HOME AGAIN...OR CAN YOU? BOWL
“Garden Party,” Rick Nelson, 1972
vs. “Let ‘em In,” Wings, 1976
Two songs featuring reference to famous musicians, including a Beatle. Former teen heartthrob Nelson got to #6 with a song about and unpleasant experience at a rock nostalgia show. The lyrics refer to Chuck Berry, Bob Dylan, and John Lennon (“Yoko brought her Walrus.”). Meanwhile, Sir Paul et al reached #3 with a song about welcoming people into his home, including not just relatives of his and Linda’s, but the Everly Brothers (“Phil and Don”) and Ringo Starr (“Uncle Ernie,”a reference to Ringo playing that character on a London Symphony recording of The Who’s Tommy.
Final Score: Garden 20, Let 3. A methodical win for Nelson’s team, who were aggressive while the Wings were pretty laid-back. It may have helped that Rick evened the odds by throwing in a sly reference to a second Beatle in the form of “Mr. Hughes,” which was a road pseudonym for George Harrison.
THE ON THE WAY UP BOWL
“Overnight Sensation (Hit Record),” The Raspberries, 1974
vs. “Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You,” Jerry Corbetta and Sugarloaf, 1975
Two songs about bands trying to hit the big time. Cleveland’s Raspberries reached #18 by applying their power pop to an examination of the hitmaking process, from writing the song to making the demo tape to schmoozing radio programmers. Meanwhile, Denver-based Corbetta and company got to #9 with a bluesy rocker about being given the runaround by record executives when trying to get signed, and then being able to turn the tables when you get a hit.
Final Score: Call 27, Sensation 17. It would be easy to joke that any team from Cleveland trying to play football was bound to lose, but like this year’s Browns, the Raspberries made a good account of themselves. But Sugarloaf, borrowing from the Ray Stevens playbook, played in the nude for one second-quarter drive, allowing for an easy score. Plus they blinded their opponents on a crucial late drive by coating the football in glitter. After the game, reporters tried to contact the referee to ask why such tactics were allowed, but they were directed to a voicemail that promised a prompt reply. That reply has yet to come.
THE ROCKSTAR GOALS BOWL
“The Cover of the Rolling Stone,” Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show, 1973
vs. “We’re an American Band,” Grand Funk Railroad, 1973
More musical aspiration. First, a New Jersey band got to #6 with this Shel Silverstein-penned tune iabout a group that has everything they ever dreamed of...except a cover story on a certain popular rock periodical. Later that same year, a Michigan trio topped the charts with a hard rocking statement of their intent to drink, fornicate, and “party down” their way across their homeland while on tour.
Final Score: Cover 49, Band 45. An action-packed affair. Both sides could score seemingly at will, but in the end, the Grand Funkers got derailed late by the realization that there was no satisfactory destination awaiting at the end of their journey of debauchery. In contrast, Dr. Hook and his troupe had a goal to focus on, and, perhaps with the help of their “genuine Indian guru,” they stayed on the path and achieved their dreams of both advancing to the next round and getting their image rendered on the front of their magazine of choice.
THE HOW THE SAUSAGE GETS MADE BOWL
“This Song,” George Harrison, 1976
vs, “The Load-Out/Stay” Jackson Browne, 1978
Two songs about the inside of the music business. The quiet Beatle made it to #25 with a satirical reaction to his losing a copyright-infringement lawsuit about “My Sweet Lord”’s similarities to the Chiffons hit “He’s So Fine,” Meanwhile, California singer-songwriter Browne hit #20 with a description of what it’s like between an artists tour stops, from the roadies loading up the equipment onto the trucks to the band’s selection of audiovisual entertainment on the tour bus.
Final Score: Load 19, Song 9. Harrison’s side played very cautiously, not wanting to break rules and suffer costly penalties. This allowed the hard-working Browne team to grind out the win. They get to stay just a little bit longer, The tournament promoter don’t mind.
THE SONGWRITER SAFKA BOWL
“Look What They Done to My Song, Ma,” The New Seekers, 1970
vs. “The Nickel Song,” Melanie, 1972
Two songs that Melanie Safka wrote about...writing songs. First, the British light entertainment outfit made it to #14 with a ditty about not liking someone else’s version of your composition. Then, the author herself reached #35 with a number about record companies demanding her service for little compensation.
Final Score: Game cancelled. “Look What They Done...” advances via disqualification. Officials removed “The Nickel Song” because of its multiple mentions of gambling. The Old Man runs a clean tournament here, and he will not allow even the slightest hint of impropriety to sully this hallowed event. Ms. Safka’s punishment is a fine of $500, or she can write 10,000 songs and sign over their publishing rights.
THE RADIO RADIO BOWL
“WOLD,” Harry Chapin, 1974
vs. “FM (No Static at All,)” Steely Dan, 1978
Two songs about radio that got on the radio. Brooklyn folkie Chapin reached #36 with a tune sung from the point of view of an aging journeyman disc jockey telling his ex-wife about his current gig in Boise, Idaho. Then, pop’s leading jazz-rock iconoclasts made it to #22 with a tribute to/takedown of frequency modulated rock stations.
Final Score: Chapin 12, Dan 10. Experience in the running game gave the Chapin team the edge over the too slick Dan crew. The WOLD boys leave for another game in another town, something they’re used to. But the loss caused no static in the FM camp, because the girls don’t seem to care.
THE MUSIC ABOUT MUSIC BOWL
“Life is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me),” Reunion, 1974
vs. “Pop Musik,” M, 1979
Two hits that celebrate pop in different ways. Studio group Reunion got to #8 with a bubblegummy laundry list of people, groups, titles, lyrics, and other references to pop, rock, and other well-known music. Later, Brit Robin Scott had a #1 with a synthpop tribute to the endurance and universality of the hit song.
Final Score: Rock 66, Pop 3. Reunion rolled. They were just too fast, too relentless, too varied. Whether the game had been played in New York, London, Paris, or Munich, the result would have been the same.
THE LOOKING BACK BOWL
“American Pie,” Don McLean, 1972
vs. “Video Killed the Radio Star,” The Buggles, 1979
Two songs that celebrate nostalgia. New York troubadour McLean picked up a #1 with his long, cryptic rumination on pop using the recurring motif of “the day the music died.” On the other ed of the chart and the decade, England’s Buggles peaked at #40 in the last month of the 70s with a New Wave tribute to the pre-television days when “the wireless” ruled the world.
Final Score: Pie 59, Video 25. The McLean gang killed the Buggles softly, yet decisively. It was close at halftime, but when the Video team tried to come out for the second half, they were delayed by a marching band that insisted on finishing their song, and they weren’t the same team after that. After the game, the Buggles reportedly blamed the loss on someone, or something, with the initials “VCR.”
THE META AND METAPHOR BOWL
“Eighteen with a Bullet,” Pete Wingfield, 1975
vs. “Whispering/Cherchez la Femme/Se Si Bon,” Dr. Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band, 1976
A song that uses record biz lingo takes on a number that references a future music mogul. Englishman Wingfield got to #15 with a song that tries to impress a lover by comparing himself to a rising hit single. Meanwhile, a New York jazz-funk outfit hit #27 with a song about looking for love featuring a character named, “Tommy Mottola,” who was their then-manager and later run Sony Music and, for a time, be married to Mariah Carey.
Final Score: Bullet 18, Femme 9. Wingfield and company had the momentum, and they are now moving up the list. Dr. Buzzard’s team just couldn’t cherchez enough points.
THE HABIT BOWL
“No No Song,” Ringo Starr, 1975
vs. “Junk Food Junkie,” Larry Groce, 1976
Two songs about illicit temptations. The ex-Beatle drummer went to #3 with a song about a recovering addict who turns down offers of drugs and alcohol. A year later, Dallas-born musician Groce made it to #9 with a novelty hit about a secret, shameful jones for soda , sweets, and fast food.
Final Score: Junkie 21, No 20. You would expect that clean living would have triumphed over high-calorie indulgence, but it turned out that the Junkies’ size eked out a win after Ringo’s team missed a key extra point. It was the one thing they couldn’t kick. But at least they were able to find the door out of the stadium.
THE CRAZIEST PARTIES THAT COULD EVER BE BOWL
“Mama Told Me Not to Come,” Three Dog Night, 1970
vs. “Hotel California,” Eagles, 1977
Two Number Ones about strange gatherings. First, 3DN turned the trick with a Randy Newman composition about a small-town boy freaked out by a wild L.A. soirée. Seven years later, SoCal’s country-rock chroniclers hit the top with a metaphor-laden epic comparing Los Angeles to a mysterious, foreboding inn.
Final Score: Hotel 42, Mama 19. The Three Dog knights were having a good time for themselves early on, but as the game wore on, they were clearly rattled by the smell of colitas and the sight of their opponents attempting to stab an animal on the sidelines. Many of the Eagles’ opponents were forced to leave the game with symptoms of something called “the “Mercedes bends.” And even though the game has been over for a while, I’m told the Mama team has still been unable to find their way out of the stadium.
THE SOME OF THEM ARE GOOD PEOPLE BOWL
“Immigrant Song,” Led Zeppelin, 1971
vs. “The Immigrant,” Neil Sedaka, 1975
Two songs about strangers in strange lands. First, Led Zep got to #16 with a driving rocker about Viking invaders coming to conquer new territory. Then, Brill Building vet Sedaka reaches #22 with a song about hopeful people coming to America who are sometimes disappointed; it was inspired by U.S. government efforts to deport John Lennon for his activism.
Final Score: Zeppelin 55, Sedaka 0. Neil’s team could only manage a weak defense, which got them overpowered by the Vikingesque rampage of Zep. It didn’t help that the game was played in inclement weather, which played right in to the hands of the team from the land of ice and snow. Sedaka’s newcomers were sent back to where they came from.
THE WATER BOWL
“Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey,” Paul and Linda McCartney, 1971
vs. “Calypso,” John Denver, 1975
Two songs about boats and sailors. The McCartneys topped the charts with a three-part number that including a cheeky semi-tribute to real life American naval officer William “Bull” Halsey. Four years later, folkie Denver had his own #1 with a tribute to the research vessel used by world-renowned oceanographer Jacques Cousteau.
Final Score: Albert 33, Calypso 10. The McCartneys varied offence prevailed over the Denver strategy of simply diving straight ahead and seeing what happens. But the Calypso squad has apparently produced a fascinating documentary on their loss, complete with smart-sounding, French-accented narration.
THE BIG PRODUCTION NUMBER BOWL
“Bohemian Rhapsody,” Queen, 1975
vs. “Summer Nights,” John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John, 1978
Two songs that sound like they’re being performed by a cast of dozens. England’s most theatrical hard rockers made it to #9 with an operatic tale of crime, punishment and rebellion. Meanwhile, ex-Sweathog Travolta and pop princess Newton-John hit #5, with the help of their Grease castmates, with a tale of the summertime romance between their characters, Danny and Sandy.
Final Score: Rhapsody 40, Nights 13. The Bohemians dominated, with an attack that some compared to thunderbolts and lightning, leaving their opponents dreams ripped at the seams. But the Night squad are still in high school, so they have a future full of tune-filled adventures in front of them.
THE JUST LIKE THE MOVIES BOWL
“Disco Inferno,” The Trammps, 1978
vs. “Superman,” Herbie Mann, 1979
A pair of hits with some cinematic inspiration. Philadelphia funkers The Trammps got to #11 with a sing comparing dance floor action to a raging fire, not unlike what might happen in the 1970s disaster films produced by Irwin Allen. And jazz flautist Mann reached #26 with a tribute to Clark Kent’s alter ego, who was at the forefront of pop culture thanks to the hit movie starring Christopher Reeve.
Final Score: Inferno 31, Superman 7. Most expected an easy victory for the Man of Steel. But shockingly, it turned out that the boogie was his Kryptonite. Supe was too busy getting down to pay attention to the game, and the Trammps were able to fire up enough offense to win easily.
One more first round bracket to go. But back to Britain first. See you then.
THE HELL OF A BAND BOWL
“Rock and Roll Heaven,” The Righteous Brothers, 1974
vs. “The King is Gone,” Ronnie McDowell, 1977
Two hits that pay tribute to deceased rock stars. Unrelated twosome Bobby Hatfield and Bill Medley returned to the charts after eight years with a #3 ode to a handful of deceased rockers, from Hendrix and Joplin to Croce and Darin. Tennessean McDowell, on the other hand, narrowed his focus on his #13 tribute to the then-recently deceased Elvis Presley.
Final Score: King 42, Heaven 27. It was a case of one transcendent star finding a way to overcome a team of greats. The Righteous team treated imagined their subjects as angels, but McDowell’s effort was so reverential and hymnlike that it made Elvis seem like a god who visited Earth, ultimately making his opponents lose that winning feeling.
THE YOU CAN’T GO HOME AGAIN...OR CAN YOU? BOWL
“Garden Party,” Rick Nelson, 1972
vs. “Let ‘em In,” Wings, 1976
Two songs featuring reference to famous musicians, including a Beatle. Former teen heartthrob Nelson got to #6 with a song about and unpleasant experience at a rock nostalgia show. The lyrics refer to Chuck Berry, Bob Dylan, and John Lennon (“Yoko brought her Walrus.”). Meanwhile, Sir Paul et al reached #3 with a song about welcoming people into his home, including not just relatives of his and Linda’s, but the Everly Brothers (“Phil and Don”) and Ringo Starr (“Uncle Ernie,”a reference to Ringo playing that character on a London Symphony recording of The Who’s Tommy.
Final Score: Garden 20, Let 3. A methodical win for Nelson’s team, who were aggressive while the Wings were pretty laid-back. It may have helped that Rick evened the odds by throwing in a sly reference to a second Beatle in the form of “Mr. Hughes,” which was a road pseudonym for George Harrison.
THE ON THE WAY UP BOWL
“Overnight Sensation (Hit Record),” The Raspberries, 1974
vs. “Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You,” Jerry Corbetta and Sugarloaf, 1975
Two songs about bands trying to hit the big time. Cleveland’s Raspberries reached #18 by applying their power pop to an examination of the hitmaking process, from writing the song to making the demo tape to schmoozing radio programmers. Meanwhile, Denver-based Corbetta and company got to #9 with a bluesy rocker about being given the runaround by record executives when trying to get signed, and then being able to turn the tables when you get a hit.
Final Score: Call 27, Sensation 17. It would be easy to joke that any team from Cleveland trying to play football was bound to lose, but like this year’s Browns, the Raspberries made a good account of themselves. But Sugarloaf, borrowing from the Ray Stevens playbook, played in the nude for one second-quarter drive, allowing for an easy score. Plus they blinded their opponents on a crucial late drive by coating the football in glitter. After the game, reporters tried to contact the referee to ask why such tactics were allowed, but they were directed to a voicemail that promised a prompt reply. That reply has yet to come.
THE ROCKSTAR GOALS BOWL
“The Cover of the Rolling Stone,” Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show, 1973
vs. “We’re an American Band,” Grand Funk Railroad, 1973
More musical aspiration. First, a New Jersey band got to #6 with this Shel Silverstein-penned tune iabout a group that has everything they ever dreamed of...except a cover story on a certain popular rock periodical. Later that same year, a Michigan trio topped the charts with a hard rocking statement of their intent to drink, fornicate, and “party down” their way across their homeland while on tour.
Final Score: Cover 49, Band 45. An action-packed affair. Both sides could score seemingly at will, but in the end, the Grand Funkers got derailed late by the realization that there was no satisfactory destination awaiting at the end of their journey of debauchery. In contrast, Dr. Hook and his troupe had a goal to focus on, and, perhaps with the help of their “genuine Indian guru,” they stayed on the path and achieved their dreams of both advancing to the next round and getting their image rendered on the front of their magazine of choice.
THE HOW THE SAUSAGE GETS MADE BOWL
“This Song,” George Harrison, 1976
vs, “The Load-Out/Stay” Jackson Browne, 1978
Two songs about the inside of the music business. The quiet Beatle made it to #25 with a satirical reaction to his losing a copyright-infringement lawsuit about “My Sweet Lord”’s similarities to the Chiffons hit “He’s So Fine,” Meanwhile, California singer-songwriter Browne hit #20 with a description of what it’s like between an artists tour stops, from the roadies loading up the equipment onto the trucks to the band’s selection of audiovisual entertainment on the tour bus.
Final Score: Load 19, Song 9. Harrison’s side played very cautiously, not wanting to break rules and suffer costly penalties. This allowed the hard-working Browne team to grind out the win. They get to stay just a little bit longer, The tournament promoter don’t mind.
THE SONGWRITER SAFKA BOWL
“Look What They Done to My Song, Ma,” The New Seekers, 1970
vs. “The Nickel Song,” Melanie, 1972
Two songs that Melanie Safka wrote about...writing songs. First, the British light entertainment outfit made it to #14 with a ditty about not liking someone else’s version of your composition. Then, the author herself reached #35 with a number about record companies demanding her service for little compensation.
Final Score: Game cancelled. “Look What They Done...” advances via disqualification. Officials removed “The Nickel Song” because of its multiple mentions of gambling. The Old Man runs a clean tournament here, and he will not allow even the slightest hint of impropriety to sully this hallowed event. Ms. Safka’s punishment is a fine of $500, or she can write 10,000 songs and sign over their publishing rights.
THE RADIO RADIO BOWL
“WOLD,” Harry Chapin, 1974
vs. “FM (No Static at All,)” Steely Dan, 1978
Two songs about radio that got on the radio. Brooklyn folkie Chapin reached #36 with a tune sung from the point of view of an aging journeyman disc jockey telling his ex-wife about his current gig in Boise, Idaho. Then, pop’s leading jazz-rock iconoclasts made it to #22 with a tribute to/takedown of frequency modulated rock stations.
Final Score: Chapin 12, Dan 10. Experience in the running game gave the Chapin team the edge over the too slick Dan crew. The WOLD boys leave for another game in another town, something they’re used to. But the loss caused no static in the FM camp, because the girls don’t seem to care.
THE MUSIC ABOUT MUSIC BOWL
“Life is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me),” Reunion, 1974
vs. “Pop Musik,” M, 1979
Two hits that celebrate pop in different ways. Studio group Reunion got to #8 with a bubblegummy laundry list of people, groups, titles, lyrics, and other references to pop, rock, and other well-known music. Later, Brit Robin Scott had a #1 with a synthpop tribute to the endurance and universality of the hit song.
Final Score: Rock 66, Pop 3. Reunion rolled. They were just too fast, too relentless, too varied. Whether the game had been played in New York, London, Paris, or Munich, the result would have been the same.
THE LOOKING BACK BOWL
“American Pie,” Don McLean, 1972
vs. “Video Killed the Radio Star,” The Buggles, 1979
Two songs that celebrate nostalgia. New York troubadour McLean picked up a #1 with his long, cryptic rumination on pop using the recurring motif of “the day the music died.” On the other ed of the chart and the decade, England’s Buggles peaked at #40 in the last month of the 70s with a New Wave tribute to the pre-television days when “the wireless” ruled the world.
Final Score: Pie 59, Video 25. The McLean gang killed the Buggles softly, yet decisively. It was close at halftime, but when the Video team tried to come out for the second half, they were delayed by a marching band that insisted on finishing their song, and they weren’t the same team after that. After the game, the Buggles reportedly blamed the loss on someone, or something, with the initials “VCR.”
THE META AND METAPHOR BOWL
“Eighteen with a Bullet,” Pete Wingfield, 1975
vs. “Whispering/Cherchez la Femme/Se Si Bon,” Dr. Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band, 1976
A song that uses record biz lingo takes on a number that references a future music mogul. Englishman Wingfield got to #15 with a song that tries to impress a lover by comparing himself to a rising hit single. Meanwhile, a New York jazz-funk outfit hit #27 with a song about looking for love featuring a character named, “Tommy Mottola,” who was their then-manager and later run Sony Music and, for a time, be married to Mariah Carey.
Final Score: Bullet 18, Femme 9. Wingfield and company had the momentum, and they are now moving up the list. Dr. Buzzard’s team just couldn’t cherchez enough points.
THE HABIT BOWL
“No No Song,” Ringo Starr, 1975
vs. “Junk Food Junkie,” Larry Groce, 1976
Two songs about illicit temptations. The ex-Beatle drummer went to #3 with a song about a recovering addict who turns down offers of drugs and alcohol. A year later, Dallas-born musician Groce made it to #9 with a novelty hit about a secret, shameful jones for soda , sweets, and fast food.
Final Score: Junkie 21, No 20. You would expect that clean living would have triumphed over high-calorie indulgence, but it turned out that the Junkies’ size eked out a win after Ringo’s team missed a key extra point. It was the one thing they couldn’t kick. But at least they were able to find the door out of the stadium.
THE CRAZIEST PARTIES THAT COULD EVER BE BOWL
“Mama Told Me Not to Come,” Three Dog Night, 1970
vs. “Hotel California,” Eagles, 1977
Two Number Ones about strange gatherings. First, 3DN turned the trick with a Randy Newman composition about a small-town boy freaked out by a wild L.A. soirée. Seven years later, SoCal’s country-rock chroniclers hit the top with a metaphor-laden epic comparing Los Angeles to a mysterious, foreboding inn.
Final Score: Hotel 42, Mama 19. The Three Dog knights were having a good time for themselves early on, but as the game wore on, they were clearly rattled by the smell of colitas and the sight of their opponents attempting to stab an animal on the sidelines. Many of the Eagles’ opponents were forced to leave the game with symptoms of something called “the “Mercedes bends.” And even though the game has been over for a while, I’m told the Mama team has still been unable to find their way out of the stadium.
THE SOME OF THEM ARE GOOD PEOPLE BOWL
“Immigrant Song,” Led Zeppelin, 1971
vs. “The Immigrant,” Neil Sedaka, 1975
Two songs about strangers in strange lands. First, Led Zep got to #16 with a driving rocker about Viking invaders coming to conquer new territory. Then, Brill Building vet Sedaka reaches #22 with a song about hopeful people coming to America who are sometimes disappointed; it was inspired by U.S. government efforts to deport John Lennon for his activism.
Final Score: Zeppelin 55, Sedaka 0. Neil’s team could only manage a weak defense, which got them overpowered by the Vikingesque rampage of Zep. It didn’t help that the game was played in inclement weather, which played right in to the hands of the team from the land of ice and snow. Sedaka’s newcomers were sent back to where they came from.
THE WATER BOWL
“Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey,” Paul and Linda McCartney, 1971
vs. “Calypso,” John Denver, 1975
Two songs about boats and sailors. The McCartneys topped the charts with a three-part number that including a cheeky semi-tribute to real life American naval officer William “Bull” Halsey. Four years later, folkie Denver had his own #1 with a tribute to the research vessel used by world-renowned oceanographer Jacques Cousteau.
Final Score: Albert 33, Calypso 10. The McCartneys varied offence prevailed over the Denver strategy of simply diving straight ahead and seeing what happens. But the Calypso squad has apparently produced a fascinating documentary on their loss, complete with smart-sounding, French-accented narration.
THE BIG PRODUCTION NUMBER BOWL
“Bohemian Rhapsody,” Queen, 1975
vs. “Summer Nights,” John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John, 1978
Two songs that sound like they’re being performed by a cast of dozens. England’s most theatrical hard rockers made it to #9 with an operatic tale of crime, punishment and rebellion. Meanwhile, ex-Sweathog Travolta and pop princess Newton-John hit #5, with the help of their Grease castmates, with a tale of the summertime romance between their characters, Danny and Sandy.
Final Score: Rhapsody 40, Nights 13. The Bohemians dominated, with an attack that some compared to thunderbolts and lightning, leaving their opponents dreams ripped at the seams. But the Night squad are still in high school, so they have a future full of tune-filled adventures in front of them.
THE JUST LIKE THE MOVIES BOWL
“Disco Inferno,” The Trammps, 1978
vs. “Superman,” Herbie Mann, 1979
A pair of hits with some cinematic inspiration. Philadelphia funkers The Trammps got to #11 with a sing comparing dance floor action to a raging fire, not unlike what might happen in the 1970s disaster films produced by Irwin Allen. And jazz flautist Mann reached #26 with a tribute to Clark Kent’s alter ego, who was at the forefront of pop culture thanks to the hit movie starring Christopher Reeve.
Final Score: Inferno 31, Superman 7. Most expected an easy victory for the Man of Steel. But shockingly, it turned out that the boogie was his Kryptonite. Supe was too busy getting down to pay attention to the game, and the Trammps were able to fire up enough offense to win easily.
One more first round bracket to go. But back to Britain first. See you then.
Sunday, September 16, 2018
An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 September 1, 1979 Part Two
The rest of it.
20 - “Cars,” Gary Numan
Two months after topping the charts with Tubeway Army, Numan was on his own and on the way to the top again with the classic chilly synth tune about automotive isolation. Chrome-plated brilliance.
19 - “The Diary of Horace Wimp,” Electric Light Orchestra
ELO again, this time with another Beatlesque epic in the “Mr. Blue Sky” vein. This one’s about a shy, nervous man who finally manages to break out of his shell and get a woman, with the help of some possibly-divine inspiration. A sweet story. Too bad it wasn’t a single in North America.
18 - “When You’re Young,” The Jam
Their eighth hit (and last before they’d finally crack the Top Ten) was this fiery rocker about the last moments of youthful idealism before the harsh reality of adult life sets in. The sound of age 17.
17 - “Sweet Little Rock n’Roller,” Showaddywaddy
Another hit for Leicester’s best nostalgia merchant. This one’s is a doo-wop/R&B mix about girls and dancing. Very good by their standards.
16 - “Street Life,” The Crusaders
The Houston jazz-fusionists picked up a home Top 40 and a Top Five here with this Randy Crawford-sung groove about hustling to survive. Simultaneously smooth and gritty, which is a neat trick.
15 - “Gotta Go Home/El Lute,” Boney M
The Boneys penultimate non-remix hit was a double sider. The A is sunny, calypso-tinged disco about going to tropic climes. The B is another bit of fractured history, a ballad about Eleuterio Sánchez, a real-life Jean Valjean-style condemned innocent who became a symbol of resistance in Spain under the dictatorship of Francisco Franco. No prizes for guessing which one I prefer.
14 - “Angel Eyes,” ABBA
Another of their Euro hits that didn’t hit over here. The usual disco-lite about a guy with heavenly peepers. It made it into the Mamma Mia sequel. How many movies will they be able to wring out of that catalogue?
13 - “Is She Really Going Out with Him,” Joe Jackson
The angst breakthrough for the Staffordshire version of Elvis Costello. It was left to Canada to give it its deserved Top Ten placing. I think there might be a deep meaning in that.
12 - “Hersham Boys,” Sham 69
The band’s biggest hit was this loving warts-and-all ode to their Surrey hometown. I think the little hoedown break in the middle has something to do with them referring to themselves as “Cockney cowboys.” Very much in line with their apparent belief that punk was football chants set to hard rock,
11 - “Just When I Needed You Most,” Randy Vanwarmer
The Colorodan’s ballad was a transatlantic Top Ten, but only #32 in Canada. I guess we found other ways to keep our vans warm.
10 - “Ooh What a Life,” The Gibson Brothers
From France via Martinique, Chris, Patrick, and Alex Gibson picked up their first of four Brit hits with this idealistic disco track. Paris clearly could have powdered the disco movement at least as well as New York did.
9 - “Reasons to be Cheerful (Part 3),” Ian Dury and the Blockheads
The iconoclastic rockers last of three Top Tens was this loveably off disco funk laundry lists of things that made Dury happy, from music (Elvis, Buddy Holly, John Coltrane) to food and drink (porridge, carrot juice, “cheddar cheese and pickle”) to...miscellaneous (yellow socks, the recently found smallpox vaccine, using the toilet). Silly but brilliant. Silliant, if you will. Also an Uneasy Rider, especially because there were no Parts 1 and 2.
8 - “Money,” The Flying Lizards
The biggest hit by this coming together of New Wave and avant-garde musicians was this weird, machine-driven cover of the 1960 Barrett Strong hit. A detached female vocal, strange sound effects, and the most synthetic-sounding beats ever. Amazing. And a co-Uneasy Rider, just cuz.
7 - “Duke of Earl,” Darts
The Brighton retro act picked up their last Top Ten with this cover of Gene Chandler’s 1962 statement of teenage confidence. I’d hire them to play this at a wedding, but otherwise, I’d only listen to the original.
6 - “Gangsters,” Specials
The first hit for the leading light of the 2 Tone ska era. Apparently, this a cover of a 1964 Prince Buster song, “Al Capone,” changed to be about how the group were held responsible for damages at a hotel that another band on the tour committed. They openly blame their former manager, Bernard Rhodes (“Bernie Rhodes knows, don’t argue.”) A fine introduction to a sound that ruled Britain for the next year or so.
5 - “After the Love Has Gone,” Earth Wind and Fire
EWF’s third Top Five here was this classic ballad about being at a romantic crossroads. This will never stop being right.
4 - “Angel Eyes,” Roxy Music
This may have the same title as ABBA’s current hit, but it sure is let the same song. It’s disco, but Roxy’s take on it, so it has that certain something. You picture people doing the same dances to it, but the looks on their faces are more serious.
3 - “Bang Bang,” B.A. Robertson
The first and biggest hit for this Glaswegian was this bit of synthpop about doomed historical romances, including Antony and Cleopatra and Samson and Delilah. Fun and catchy, which makes it the polar opposite of a hit he’d co-write a decade later, Mike and the Mechanics’ “The Living Years.”
2 - “I Don’t Like Mondays,” The Boomtown Rats
Geldof and company’s second and final #1, and by far their most famous song. A piano-driven rocker based on a real-life incident when 16-year-old Brenda Spencer entered a San Diego elementary school and began shooting, killing two adults and injuring eight children. When asked for a reason for her actions, Spencer apparently said “I don’t like Mondays. This livens up the day.” The Rats were touring America at the time, and he was giving an interview at a radio station and was sitting next to the Telex machine when a wire service report about the shooting came through, and he was thus inspired to write this song. It’s a powerful song about the rational and moral bafflement that such seemingly inexplicable acts of violence cause. It depicts the event without exploiting it for pure shock value. In addition to its success here, it was also a Top Five in Canada, but only got to #73 in the U.S., perhaps understandably.
And on top back then was...
1 - “We Don’t Talk Anymore,” Cliff Richard
Sir Cliff returned to the top after eleven years with this slick dance-rocker about a breakup. I don’t like it quite as much as “Devil Woman,” but it’s pretty great.
There goes another one. Next time, the tournament is back. See you then.
20 - “Cars,” Gary Numan
Two months after topping the charts with Tubeway Army, Numan was on his own and on the way to the top again with the classic chilly synth tune about automotive isolation. Chrome-plated brilliance.
19 - “The Diary of Horace Wimp,” Electric Light Orchestra
ELO again, this time with another Beatlesque epic in the “Mr. Blue Sky” vein. This one’s about a shy, nervous man who finally manages to break out of his shell and get a woman, with the help of some possibly-divine inspiration. A sweet story. Too bad it wasn’t a single in North America.
18 - “When You’re Young,” The Jam
Their eighth hit (and last before they’d finally crack the Top Ten) was this fiery rocker about the last moments of youthful idealism before the harsh reality of adult life sets in. The sound of age 17.
17 - “Sweet Little Rock n’Roller,” Showaddywaddy
Another hit for Leicester’s best nostalgia merchant. This one’s is a doo-wop/R&B mix about girls and dancing. Very good by their standards.
16 - “Street Life,” The Crusaders
The Houston jazz-fusionists picked up a home Top 40 and a Top Five here with this Randy Crawford-sung groove about hustling to survive. Simultaneously smooth and gritty, which is a neat trick.
15 - “Gotta Go Home/El Lute,” Boney M
The Boneys penultimate non-remix hit was a double sider. The A is sunny, calypso-tinged disco about going to tropic climes. The B is another bit of fractured history, a ballad about Eleuterio Sánchez, a real-life Jean Valjean-style condemned innocent who became a symbol of resistance in Spain under the dictatorship of Francisco Franco. No prizes for guessing which one I prefer.
14 - “Angel Eyes,” ABBA
Another of their Euro hits that didn’t hit over here. The usual disco-lite about a guy with heavenly peepers. It made it into the Mamma Mia sequel. How many movies will they be able to wring out of that catalogue?
13 - “Is She Really Going Out with Him,” Joe Jackson
The angst breakthrough for the Staffordshire version of Elvis Costello. It was left to Canada to give it its deserved Top Ten placing. I think there might be a deep meaning in that.
12 - “Hersham Boys,” Sham 69
The band’s biggest hit was this loving warts-and-all ode to their Surrey hometown. I think the little hoedown break in the middle has something to do with them referring to themselves as “Cockney cowboys.” Very much in line with their apparent belief that punk was football chants set to hard rock,
11 - “Just When I Needed You Most,” Randy Vanwarmer
The Colorodan’s ballad was a transatlantic Top Ten, but only #32 in Canada. I guess we found other ways to keep our vans warm.
10 - “Ooh What a Life,” The Gibson Brothers
From France via Martinique, Chris, Patrick, and Alex Gibson picked up their first of four Brit hits with this idealistic disco track. Paris clearly could have powdered the disco movement at least as well as New York did.
9 - “Reasons to be Cheerful (Part 3),” Ian Dury and the Blockheads
The iconoclastic rockers last of three Top Tens was this loveably off disco funk laundry lists of things that made Dury happy, from music (Elvis, Buddy Holly, John Coltrane) to food and drink (porridge, carrot juice, “cheddar cheese and pickle”) to...miscellaneous (yellow socks, the recently found smallpox vaccine, using the toilet). Silly but brilliant. Silliant, if you will. Also an Uneasy Rider, especially because there were no Parts 1 and 2.
8 - “Money,” The Flying Lizards
The biggest hit by this coming together of New Wave and avant-garde musicians was this weird, machine-driven cover of the 1960 Barrett Strong hit. A detached female vocal, strange sound effects, and the most synthetic-sounding beats ever. Amazing. And a co-Uneasy Rider, just cuz.
7 - “Duke of Earl,” Darts
The Brighton retro act picked up their last Top Ten with this cover of Gene Chandler’s 1962 statement of teenage confidence. I’d hire them to play this at a wedding, but otherwise, I’d only listen to the original.
6 - “Gangsters,” Specials
The first hit for the leading light of the 2 Tone ska era. Apparently, this a cover of a 1964 Prince Buster song, “Al Capone,” changed to be about how the group were held responsible for damages at a hotel that another band on the tour committed. They openly blame their former manager, Bernard Rhodes (“Bernie Rhodes knows, don’t argue.”) A fine introduction to a sound that ruled Britain for the next year or so.
5 - “After the Love Has Gone,” Earth Wind and Fire
EWF’s third Top Five here was this classic ballad about being at a romantic crossroads. This will never stop being right.
4 - “Angel Eyes,” Roxy Music
This may have the same title as ABBA’s current hit, but it sure is let the same song. It’s disco, but Roxy’s take on it, so it has that certain something. You picture people doing the same dances to it, but the looks on their faces are more serious.
3 - “Bang Bang,” B.A. Robertson
The first and biggest hit for this Glaswegian was this bit of synthpop about doomed historical romances, including Antony and Cleopatra and Samson and Delilah. Fun and catchy, which makes it the polar opposite of a hit he’d co-write a decade later, Mike and the Mechanics’ “The Living Years.”
2 - “I Don’t Like Mondays,” The Boomtown Rats
Geldof and company’s second and final #1, and by far their most famous song. A piano-driven rocker based on a real-life incident when 16-year-old Brenda Spencer entered a San Diego elementary school and began shooting, killing two adults and injuring eight children. When asked for a reason for her actions, Spencer apparently said “I don’t like Mondays. This livens up the day.” The Rats were touring America at the time, and he was giving an interview at a radio station and was sitting next to the Telex machine when a wire service report about the shooting came through, and he was thus inspired to write this song. It’s a powerful song about the rational and moral bafflement that such seemingly inexplicable acts of violence cause. It depicts the event without exploiting it for pure shock value. In addition to its success here, it was also a Top Five in Canada, but only got to #73 in the U.S., perhaps understandably.
And on top back then was...
1 - “We Don’t Talk Anymore,” Cliff Richard
Sir Cliff returned to the top after eleven years with this slick dance-rocker about a breakup. I don’t like it quite as much as “Devil Woman,” but it’s pretty great.
There goes another one. Next time, the tournament is back. See you then.
Tuesday, September 11, 2018
An Old Man Abroad: UKT40 September 1, 1979 Part One
September 1979. We were just here two months ago, but both the news and the charts are are very different. The headlines are dominated by the Yorkshire Ripper and the IRA’s assassination of the Queen’s cousin Lord Mountbatten. The music, suffice to say, was less horrifying.
40 - “Get it Right Next Time,” Gerry Rafferty
The third and last U.K.Top 40 for the former Stealers Wheelman was this jazz-pop ovv(de to persistence. Sprightly and catchy. He didn’t have to wait for next time.
39 - “Can’t Stand Losing You,” The Police
This single originally charted below the Top 40 the previous year, but it made it to #2 on this reissue. It’s one of their catchiest numbers, on which Sting just throws hissy fits after a breakup instead of confronting the separation like an adult. Not the greatest behaviour, but it makes for a great song.
38 - “Don’t Bring Me Down,” Electric Light Orchestra
A big rocker that went Top Five on the big two charts, but became ELO’s third #1 in Canada. What a can I say? Jeff Lynne knew how to light up the Great White North.
37 - “Lines,” The Planets
Liverpudlian Steve Lindsey first Gaines notice in the cult band Deaf School, but his only chart success came with this band and this reggae/New Wave number about different kinds of lines (washing, dotted, picket, etc.). It falls on the right side of my line.
36 - “Spiral Scratch EP,” Buzzcocks
In the midst of their peak run, the Bolton boys picked up another hit with a reissue of their 1977 debut EP, which was their only recording with original singer Howard Devoto. Four blasts of their incisive, incendiary pop-punk, highlighted by third track “Boredom,” which depicts punk as just another fashion that was already burning out. Further evidence that they deserve appreciation on the Clash/Pistols level.
35 - “Strut Your Funky Stuff,” Frantique
The soul label Philadelphia International was waning in its influence and commercial success, but it managed a one-off Top Ten for this band. Straightforward disco, but well-crafted enough to stand out.
34 - “Boy Oh Boy,” Racey
The third of four hits for the Somerset glam-poppers was this veiled description of not-so-chaste teen romance. They come off like a less edgy Bay City Rollers. Imagine that.
33 - “Girls Talk,” Dave Edmunds
A holdover from two months ago. Still great.
32 - “Beat the Clock,” Sparks
The third and final Top Ten for the Maels was this thumping bit of New Wave Disco with lyrics about growing up really, really fast. Seriously, where were these guys all my life?
31 - “You Never Know What You’ve Got,” Me and You
The biggest hit for this Jamaican trio was this reggae groove about appreciating what you have while you have it. It’d be handy to have in rotation.
30 - “Reggae for it Now,” Bill Lovelady
This white Liverpudlian has his biggest hit with this celebration of beautiful women discovering reggae. Not bad. I like the harmonica on it.
29 - “Teenage Warning,” Angelic Upstarts
The biggest of two hits for the punks from South Shields was this rocker about being young and full of energy and frustration and self-consciousness. A solid example of the genre, and singer Mensi’s voice on the choruses wasn’t the only thing that reminded me of the legendary almost-weres New York Dolls.
28 - “Gone Gone Gone,” Johnny Mathis
The last hit here for the Texas-born crooner sees him going jazz-disco. Boz Scaggs would have done well with this, but Johnny seems as helpless as...a kitten up a tree?
27 - “Stay With Me Till Dawn,” Judy Tzuke
Born Judie Myers in London to Polish immigrants, this lady reclaimed her ancestral name when she began a singing career which was highlighted by this ballad about needing company. Sophisticated and well-sung, it’s apparent why it’s reputation has lingered longer than most songs that only reach #16.
26 - “Wanted,” The Dooleys
Another returnee. Still a surprisingly good encroachment into ABBA-land.
25 - “Duchess,” The Stranglers
The Surreymen’s seventh hit was this portrait of a bored rich lady romantically pursued by “Rodneys.” Apparently, that means lazy men. This song makes boredom listenable.
24 - “Lost in Music,” Sister Sledge
The Sledges fourth hit was more Nile Rodgers goodness about abandoning everything for beat, groove and melody. This is a one-song refutation of the blanket statement “disco sucks.”
23 - “Love’s Got a Hold on Me,” Dollar
The duo’s first Top Ten was this unabashed variation on the “How Deep is Your Love” template. They’re lucky the Gibbs’ lawyers didn’t get a hold of it.
22 - “If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body Would You Hold it Against Me,” The Bellamy Brothers
David and Homer’s country wordplay scrapped into the pop at home, but went Top Five here. Makes sense. It’s the definition of “cheeky.”
21 - “Morning Dance,” Spyro Gyra
The Buffalo group’s transatlantic jazz instrumental hit. Relaxing, which I guess was enough.
In Part Two: envy, cash, and lunaedisophobia.
40 - “Get it Right Next Time,” Gerry Rafferty
The third and last U.K.Top 40 for the former Stealers Wheelman was this jazz-pop ovv(de to persistence. Sprightly and catchy. He didn’t have to wait for next time.
39 - “Can’t Stand Losing You,” The Police
This single originally charted below the Top 40 the previous year, but it made it to #2 on this reissue. It’s one of their catchiest numbers, on which Sting just throws hissy fits after a breakup instead of confronting the separation like an adult. Not the greatest behaviour, but it makes for a great song.
38 - “Don’t Bring Me Down,” Electric Light Orchestra
A big rocker that went Top Five on the big two charts, but became ELO’s third #1 in Canada. What a can I say? Jeff Lynne knew how to light up the Great White North.
37 - “Lines,” The Planets
Liverpudlian Steve Lindsey first Gaines notice in the cult band Deaf School, but his only chart success came with this band and this reggae/New Wave number about different kinds of lines (washing, dotted, picket, etc.). It falls on the right side of my line.
36 - “Spiral Scratch EP,” Buzzcocks
In the midst of their peak run, the Bolton boys picked up another hit with a reissue of their 1977 debut EP, which was their only recording with original singer Howard Devoto. Four blasts of their incisive, incendiary pop-punk, highlighted by third track “Boredom,” which depicts punk as just another fashion that was already burning out. Further evidence that they deserve appreciation on the Clash/Pistols level.
35 - “Strut Your Funky Stuff,” Frantique
The soul label Philadelphia International was waning in its influence and commercial success, but it managed a one-off Top Ten for this band. Straightforward disco, but well-crafted enough to stand out.
34 - “Boy Oh Boy,” Racey
The third of four hits for the Somerset glam-poppers was this veiled description of not-so-chaste teen romance. They come off like a less edgy Bay City Rollers. Imagine that.
33 - “Girls Talk,” Dave Edmunds
A holdover from two months ago. Still great.
32 - “Beat the Clock,” Sparks
The third and final Top Ten for the Maels was this thumping bit of New Wave Disco with lyrics about growing up really, really fast. Seriously, where were these guys all my life?
31 - “You Never Know What You’ve Got,” Me and You
The biggest hit for this Jamaican trio was this reggae groove about appreciating what you have while you have it. It’d be handy to have in rotation.
30 - “Reggae for it Now,” Bill Lovelady
This white Liverpudlian has his biggest hit with this celebration of beautiful women discovering reggae. Not bad. I like the harmonica on it.
29 - “Teenage Warning,” Angelic Upstarts
The biggest of two hits for the punks from South Shields was this rocker about being young and full of energy and frustration and self-consciousness. A solid example of the genre, and singer Mensi’s voice on the choruses wasn’t the only thing that reminded me of the legendary almost-weres New York Dolls.
28 - “Gone Gone Gone,” Johnny Mathis
The last hit here for the Texas-born crooner sees him going jazz-disco. Boz Scaggs would have done well with this, but Johnny seems as helpless as...a kitten up a tree?
27 - “Stay With Me Till Dawn,” Judy Tzuke
Born Judie Myers in London to Polish immigrants, this lady reclaimed her ancestral name when she began a singing career which was highlighted by this ballad about needing company. Sophisticated and well-sung, it’s apparent why it’s reputation has lingered longer than most songs that only reach #16.
26 - “Wanted,” The Dooleys
Another returnee. Still a surprisingly good encroachment into ABBA-land.
25 - “Duchess,” The Stranglers
The Surreymen’s seventh hit was this portrait of a bored rich lady romantically pursued by “Rodneys.” Apparently, that means lazy men. This song makes boredom listenable.
24 - “Lost in Music,” Sister Sledge
The Sledges fourth hit was more Nile Rodgers goodness about abandoning everything for beat, groove and melody. This is a one-song refutation of the blanket statement “disco sucks.”
23 - “Love’s Got a Hold on Me,” Dollar
The duo’s first Top Ten was this unabashed variation on the “How Deep is Your Love” template. They’re lucky the Gibbs’ lawyers didn’t get a hold of it.
22 - “If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body Would You Hold it Against Me,” The Bellamy Brothers
David and Homer’s country wordplay scrapped into the pop at home, but went Top Five here. Makes sense. It’s the definition of “cheeky.”
21 - “Morning Dance,” Spyro Gyra
The Buffalo group’s transatlantic jazz instrumental hit. Relaxing, which I guess was enough.
In Part Two: envy, cash, and lunaedisophobia.
Tuesday, September 4, 2018
And as Years Go By: CT50 August 29, 1981
August 1981. Canada’s best professional hockey players were preparing to play in the best-on-best Canada Cup, anticipating another triumph over the Soviet Union. That didn’t quite pan out. But these were among the songs they might have heard on their car radios to and from practice.
Bonus Track: “What Have You Got to Do (To Get Off Tonight),” Red Rider (CanCon!)
The second hit for Tom Cochrane’s Boys was a week away from entering the Top 50, where it would peak at #42. It’s a poppy rocker about a working class guy trying to pick up a fashionable woman, with an unresolved reference to some kind of “accident.” It’s okay, but has been far eclipsed by another track from its parent album, the haunting, haunted “Lunatic Fringe.”
50 - “Sign of the Gypsy Queen,” April Wine (CanCon!)
The whopping 21st hit for the Nova Scotia rock institution was this hard rocker about an Old West town preparing to evacuate based on an ominous premonition from a fortune teller. I think that’s it. A good soundtrack for top-down highway cruising on the way to a cottage weekend.
49 - “If the Wind Could Blow My Troubles Away,” Murray McLauchlan (CanCon!)
Murray Mac’s last Top 50 was this big, almost gospel number about wishing that weather phenomena could solve his problems. A big, modern-for-the-times production that was a departure, but it charms nonetheless.
47 - “The Coldest Night of the Year,” Bruce Cockburn (CanCon!)
Brucie’s third hit was this folk-rocker about watching the world around you while separated from the one you love. Like it is on many an 80s track, the sax solo is unnecessary, but it doesn’t do too much damage. A nice one.
45 - “Tempted,” Squeeze
Although it didn’t make the Top 40, this soulful portrait of infidelity (featuring vocals from regular singerGlenn Tilbrook, New keyboardist Paul Carrack, and producer Elvis Costello) was the band’s North American breakthrough. It still holds up as one of the decade’s great pop songs.
44 - “Chains,” Ian Thomas (CanCon!)
IT’s seventh home hit was this pop-rock rumination on feeling guilt for things you aren’t responsible for. Apparently, Chicago covered this. I don’t even want to bother. I prefer this song Cetera-free.
37 - “A Life of Illusion,” Joe Walsh
Walsh’s last North American Top 40 was this loping rocker about doubting the reality around you. He cements his place as rock’s favourite burnout uncle.
36 - “Nothing Ever Goes as Planned,” Styx
Before they tried to imitate Devo later in the decade, the Bob Seger of Chicago did their best Steely Dan on this tune about not being able to win no matter what. It’s the closest they could come, but it ends up not being very satisfying. Truth in labelling.
35 - “Thirsty Ears,” The Powder Blues Band (CanCon!)
These Vancouver blues recreationists had their biggest of three hits with this celebration of playing and listening to music. If you’re satisfied with the Blues Brothers, this will quench you.
34 - “Happy Birthday Kid,” Geoff Hughes (CanCon!)
I can’t find anything about this guy, but I know he’s Canadian, and his only hit was this sinister New Wave track about abandonment and dysfunctional relationships and things of this nature. It’s got a very Gary Numan vibe that escaped my vague memories of it. I like it so much that, to my surprise, I’m inducting it into the realm of Certified CanCon Classics.
33 - “A Woman’s Got the Power,” The A’s
This Philly band, who possibly named themselves after the baseball team that originated in their hometown before relocating to Kansas City and later Oakland, had their biggest pop success up here, with this soul-influenced New Waver about the support a female can give to a man. Well-intentioned, but dated in every way.
27 - “So This is Love,” Van Halen
This lusty shuffler failed to crack the Top 100 at home, but it became their first Canadian Top Twenty. It’s a pretty good distillation of VH’s pre-1984 sound and attitude.
19 - “Medley II,” Stars on 45
The Dutch dance recyclers with their second series of soundalike versions of Beatles hits, including “A Hard Day’s Night,” “I Wanna Hold Your Hand,” and “Please Please Me,” with solo George’s “My Sweet Lord” thrown in. Despite having better known Fabs hits than their first medley, this wasn’t as successful. Go figure.
Don’t tell me it’s the Top Ten.
10 - “Medley,” Stars on 45
The first one. Britain heroically prevented it from a Triple Crown. I’m as surprised as you are.
9 - “Fire and Ice,” Pat Benatar
Only #17 at home, but this tough rocker about an up-and-down relationship became her first Top Five Up here. We seemed to get La Benatar more, and I’m proud of that.
8 - “Queen of Hearts,” Juice Newton
The Juicer’s greatest hit was first a U.K. #11 for Dave Edmunds. Haven’t heard that one yet, but Ms. Newton set the bar very high. If you don’t like this, the Joker isn’t the only fool.
7 - “The Stroke,” Billy Squier
Another rockin’ U.S. Top 20 that we made Top Ten. “Slammin’” is the adjective that comes to mind. A pillar of hard rock.
6 - “Jessie’s Girl,” Rick Springfield
The Aussie’s eternal evocation of envy was an American #1, but we stingily didn’t let it beyond this spot. At least we can look down at the Brits, who only deemed it worth #43.
5 - “Sausalito Summernight,” Diesel
The Dutch band’s only hit, a chugging rocker about cruising in the San Francisco Bay Area, was way bigger here that Down South. I like our position. Fun rock with a little jazzy guitar noodling. How can you go wrong.
4 - “Urgent,” Foreigner
Their half-British and half-American, but it was up to Canada to make this a #1. Maybe it was because here, their name is 100% true. That’s one theory.
3 - “The One that You Love,” Air Supply
The Australian Russells missed having a cross-border #1 by one place here. They never got one here, even when they deserved it with “Making Love Out of Nothing at All.”
2 - “In the Air Tonight,” Phil Collins
The haunting prog-pop masterpiece got this high here and in Britain, but only to #19 in the States. They’ve more than caught up in their appreciation, but still, we reMEMBAH, we remember don’t worry worry worry.
1 - “Gemini Dream,” The Moody Blues
Somehow, the prog band’s embrace of synthpop hit the Canuck sweet spot and topped the charts here. I like it a lot, but even I can’t quite justify that. Maybe we were just ahead of the curve that everyone else would catch on to later with Yes’ “Owner of a Lonely Heart.”
Back to Britain next time. See you then.
Bonus Track: “What Have You Got to Do (To Get Off Tonight),” Red Rider (CanCon!)
The second hit for Tom Cochrane’s Boys was a week away from entering the Top 50, where it would peak at #42. It’s a poppy rocker about a working class guy trying to pick up a fashionable woman, with an unresolved reference to some kind of “accident.” It’s okay, but has been far eclipsed by another track from its parent album, the haunting, haunted “Lunatic Fringe.”
50 - “Sign of the Gypsy Queen,” April Wine (CanCon!)
The whopping 21st hit for the Nova Scotia rock institution was this hard rocker about an Old West town preparing to evacuate based on an ominous premonition from a fortune teller. I think that’s it. A good soundtrack for top-down highway cruising on the way to a cottage weekend.
49 - “If the Wind Could Blow My Troubles Away,” Murray McLauchlan (CanCon!)
Murray Mac’s last Top 50 was this big, almost gospel number about wishing that weather phenomena could solve his problems. A big, modern-for-the-times production that was a departure, but it charms nonetheless.
47 - “The Coldest Night of the Year,” Bruce Cockburn (CanCon!)
Brucie’s third hit was this folk-rocker about watching the world around you while separated from the one you love. Like it is on many an 80s track, the sax solo is unnecessary, but it doesn’t do too much damage. A nice one.
45 - “Tempted,” Squeeze
Although it didn’t make the Top 40, this soulful portrait of infidelity (featuring vocals from regular singerGlenn Tilbrook, New keyboardist Paul Carrack, and producer Elvis Costello) was the band’s North American breakthrough. It still holds up as one of the decade’s great pop songs.
44 - “Chains,” Ian Thomas (CanCon!)
IT’s seventh home hit was this pop-rock rumination on feeling guilt for things you aren’t responsible for. Apparently, Chicago covered this. I don’t even want to bother. I prefer this song Cetera-free.
37 - “A Life of Illusion,” Joe Walsh
Walsh’s last North American Top 40 was this loping rocker about doubting the reality around you. He cements his place as rock’s favourite burnout uncle.
36 - “Nothing Ever Goes as Planned,” Styx
Before they tried to imitate Devo later in the decade, the Bob Seger of Chicago did their best Steely Dan on this tune about not being able to win no matter what. It’s the closest they could come, but it ends up not being very satisfying. Truth in labelling.
35 - “Thirsty Ears,” The Powder Blues Band (CanCon!)
These Vancouver blues recreationists had their biggest of three hits with this celebration of playing and listening to music. If you’re satisfied with the Blues Brothers, this will quench you.
34 - “Happy Birthday Kid,” Geoff Hughes (CanCon!)
I can’t find anything about this guy, but I know he’s Canadian, and his only hit was this sinister New Wave track about abandonment and dysfunctional relationships and things of this nature. It’s got a very Gary Numan vibe that escaped my vague memories of it. I like it so much that, to my surprise, I’m inducting it into the realm of Certified CanCon Classics.
33 - “A Woman’s Got the Power,” The A’s
This Philly band, who possibly named themselves after the baseball team that originated in their hometown before relocating to Kansas City and later Oakland, had their biggest pop success up here, with this soul-influenced New Waver about the support a female can give to a man. Well-intentioned, but dated in every way.
27 - “So This is Love,” Van Halen
This lusty shuffler failed to crack the Top 100 at home, but it became their first Canadian Top Twenty. It’s a pretty good distillation of VH’s pre-1984 sound and attitude.
19 - “Medley II,” Stars on 45
The Dutch dance recyclers with their second series of soundalike versions of Beatles hits, including “A Hard Day’s Night,” “I Wanna Hold Your Hand,” and “Please Please Me,” with solo George’s “My Sweet Lord” thrown in. Despite having better known Fabs hits than their first medley, this wasn’t as successful. Go figure.
Don’t tell me it’s the Top Ten.
10 - “Medley,” Stars on 45
The first one. Britain heroically prevented it from a Triple Crown. I’m as surprised as you are.
9 - “Fire and Ice,” Pat Benatar
Only #17 at home, but this tough rocker about an up-and-down relationship became her first Top Five Up here. We seemed to get La Benatar more, and I’m proud of that.
8 - “Queen of Hearts,” Juice Newton
The Juicer’s greatest hit was first a U.K. #11 for Dave Edmunds. Haven’t heard that one yet, but Ms. Newton set the bar very high. If you don’t like this, the Joker isn’t the only fool.
7 - “The Stroke,” Billy Squier
Another rockin’ U.S. Top 20 that we made Top Ten. “Slammin’” is the adjective that comes to mind. A pillar of hard rock.
6 - “Jessie’s Girl,” Rick Springfield
The Aussie’s eternal evocation of envy was an American #1, but we stingily didn’t let it beyond this spot. At least we can look down at the Brits, who only deemed it worth #43.
5 - “Sausalito Summernight,” Diesel
The Dutch band’s only hit, a chugging rocker about cruising in the San Francisco Bay Area, was way bigger here that Down South. I like our position. Fun rock with a little jazzy guitar noodling. How can you go wrong.
4 - “Urgent,” Foreigner
Their half-British and half-American, but it was up to Canada to make this a #1. Maybe it was because here, their name is 100% true. That’s one theory.
3 - “The One that You Love,” Air Supply
The Australian Russells missed having a cross-border #1 by one place here. They never got one here, even when they deserved it with “Making Love Out of Nothing at All.”
2 - “In the Air Tonight,” Phil Collins
The haunting prog-pop masterpiece got this high here and in Britain, but only to #19 in the States. They’ve more than caught up in their appreciation, but still, we reMEMBAH, we remember don’t worry worry worry.
1 - “Gemini Dream,” The Moody Blues
Somehow, the prog band’s embrace of synthpop hit the Canuck sweet spot and topped the charts here. I like it a lot, but even I can’t quite justify that. Maybe we were just ahead of the curve that everyone else would catch on to later with Yes’ “Owner of a Lonely Heart.”
Back to Britain next time. See you then.
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