Another ending.
20 - “Roam,” The B-52’s
The third U.K. hit for the Athens, Georgia space-rockers (fourth if you count the two Top 40 issues of “Rock Lobster”) was this jangly ode to wanderlust. It lost some of its appeal due to being overplayed in my neck of the woods, but time and absence have restored its charm.
19 - “Ghetto Heaven,” The Family Stand
The biggest hit for this New York soul trio was this funk-hop about the different ways people in poor black communities find pleasure and peace. Sex, drugs and religion are the ones touched on here. Cool and different. At the time, a major career seemed likely to follow, but it just didn’t. The biz isn’t always a meritocracy.
18 - “All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You,” Heart
And here we go, the squicky shitbomb that almost cancelled out all the greatness Heart had achieved in their first five years of stardom. Yes, they had already sunk to being a corporate machine, but that was bearable compared to this thing, on which Ann Wilson plays a woman who seeks out a handsome drifter for a one-night stand for the express purpose of impregnation, because the man she actually loves is sterile. First of all, there are other ways of conception that don’t involve intercourse and betrayal. But okay, you want it the old-fashioned way, I can mayyyybe understand that. But if it’s supposed to be an act of necessity, first of all don’t describe it as “making love.” And secondly, don’t go on about how fantastic and unforgettable the sex was. It kind of undermines your claims of it being something done solely out of desperation. And for all that is holy, don’t leave the one-night guy a note with a horrible poem like “I am the flower, you are the seed/ We walked in the garden, we planted a tree.” I don’t know if I’m coming off as judgmental or puritanical here, but it is what it is. This is just awful. I’ll forgive Heart, because they gave us “Magic Man,” “Barracuda,” and the mighty fucking “Crazy On You.” But songwriter “Mutt” Lange? Nope, you don’t have enough in the bank to make up for this. Oh, and mine was the one of our Triple Crown countries that made this a #1. I hang my head. And yes, this is one of the uneasiest of Uneasy Riders.
17 - “The Power,” Snap!
The first of two #1s for the German dance outfit. A wonderfully timeless party starter. Quality, it possesses.
16 - “Policy of Truth,” Depeche Mode
As I’ve said before, this is the goth “I Heard it Through the Grapevine.” I don’t think it can be lower than third-best among their singles.
15 - “Kingston Town,” UB40
Their first Top Ten of the 90s was this version of a 1970 song by Trinidadian Lord Creator taken from Labour of Love II, their second covers album. Light and breezy, but not heavy-handed lay commercial.
14 - “A Dream’s a Dream,” Soul II Soul
The fourth Top Ten for Jazzie B.’s crew was this groover about wistful wishing, with vocals from American Victoria Wilson-James. Good, but a step down from the twin towers of “Keep On Movin’” and “Back to Life.”
13 - “Black Velvet,” Alannah Myles
Toronto-born Alannah Byles slightly adjusted her name for her singing career, and found one huge moment of international success with this country-blues tribute to the appeal of the young Elvis Presley. I’m not sure it would have worked for any other singer, but Myles wraps her voice around the evocative lyrics like...some sort of dark fabric. #2 here, #1 in the States, but only #10 in her homeland. I’m not sure what it was about this that we missed. It’s all right there.
12 - “Venus,” Don Pablo’s Animals
An Italian production team remixes the instrumental hook of the 1970 Shocking Blue smash, adding some beats and James Brown grunts. Wildly dated and inessential.
11 - “How Can We Be Lovers,” Michael Bolton
The second Top Ten for the Connecticut schlocksoulster was this blah power ballad co-written with fellow creators of soulless product Diane Warren and Desmond Child. Perfect for people who don’t want to actually be moved by music.
10 - “Take Your Time,” Mantronix
The fourth of five hits for this New York hip-hop crew was this bit of lovey-dovey funk-pop featuring lead vocals from the fantastically-named Wondress Hutchinson. Definitely worth spending g a few moments with.
9 - “Won’t Talk About It,” Beats International
The second hit for the first dance project from ex-Housemartin Norman Cook was this funky number about complication-free relationships. Surprisingly, it was co-written by political folkie Billy Bragg. The gift for making samples sound fresh that Fatboy Slim world display is well on evidence here.
8 - “Vogue,” Madonna
The Triple Crown winner inspired by glamorous pose-dancing in gay clubs. The dance floor is still a place that you can get away, and songs like this are what it’s for.
7 - “Opposites Attract,” Paula Abdul
The closest the future reality competition judge would come to a Triple Crown was when this hit #2 to go with its topping the North American charts. She goes back and forth with a male voice (expressed in the video as the animated MC Skat Kat) with how different the two are and yet they work as a couple. Maybe the weakest of her big hits.
6 - “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For,” Chimes
This Scottish group had their biggest hit with a midtempo dance groove version of U2’s 1987 hit. It works very well in this setting, and Pauline Henry makes it almost into a gospel hymn.
5 - “Hold On,” En Vogue
The Oakland vocal quartet displayed their pipes on their debut, this funky bit of relationship advice. Silky smooth and unassailable.
4 - “Cover Girl,” New Kids on the Block
The Boston boys kept the hits coming with this typical fawning boy band ode. It opens with uncharacteristic hard rock guitar, but it’s pretty formulaic from then on.
3 - “Dirty Cash,” The Adventures of Stevie V.
The first and biggest hit for this group formed by Bedfordshire producer Steven Vincent was this this gritty house/hip-hop hybrid about the ways people will debase themselves for money. It grooves, it has a message, it’s a great pop single.
2 - “Better the Devil You Know,” Kylie Minogue
Her first hit of the 90s saw Kylie sticking with Stock/Aitken/Waterman, but sounding more mature in voice and lyrical content. Her transition from girl singer of a moment to career artist didn’t always go smoothly, but here’s where it began.
And the latest old charttopper I get to comment on is...
1 - “Killer,” Adamski
From Lymington in Hampshire, Adam Tinley established himself on the rave scene, amd started performing with a young singer named Henry “Seal” Samuel. The two then collaborated on this single, a techno-soul-house number about overcoming adverisity that made them both stars. The singer got just a bit more famous than the DJ, but from what I can find, Adamski isn’t hurting.
More fun in the old world next time. See you soon.
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