Wrap it up.
20 - "King of Wishful Thinking," Go West
The duo's big Pretty Woman hit. #8 in the States, only #18 here. Another win for British taste.
19 - "Hardcore Uproar," Together
Another one-hit techno wonder. Bleep bloop blah.
18 - " Blaze of Glory," Jon Bon Jovi
Jonny's first solo hit from the Young Guns II soundtrack topped the American charts, but missed the Top Ten here. Britain wins again.
17 - "I'm Free," The Soup Dragons
These Scots were just a run of the mill indie band until they embraced the trendy dance-rock style and picked up a Top Five with this cover of a lesser Rolling Stones song. They called in dancehall toaster Junior Reid for good measure. The result isn't good for much more than nostalgia now.
16 - "Vision of Love," Mariah Carey
The diva debut was another U.S. #1 that fell short here, but at least it was a Top Ten. And I still think it's her best.
15 - "U Can't Touch This," MC Hammer
Stan Burrell's infamous, Rick James-dependent blockbuster. Actually a bigger hit, chartwise, over here. Although with this country's love of remixing old stuff, that's not uncharacteristic.
14 - "The Joker," The Steve Miller Band
The rock staple didn't chart here until 16 years after it first came out, then a jeans commercial propelled it to #1. Ah, the pompetus of advertising.
13 - "Groove is in the Heart," Deee-Lite
The jam of the time, and and maybe all time. The song starts by promising "We're going to dance and have some fun," and goes on to deliver a thousandfold. The seeds for this were planted in the late 80s when Ohioan Kierin Kirby, Ukrainian Dmitry Brill, and Japan native Towa Tei met in New York and transformed into Lady Miss Kier, Supa DJ Dmitry, and Jungle DJ Towa Towa. Their debut single stormed the clubs like a tank full of funk, and it escaped the discos to be a transatlantic Top Five. The samples, the bass of the legendary Bootsy Collins, the rhymes of A Tribe Called Quest's Q-Tip, Kier's sexy coo, the freaking slide whistle, it all comes together in one irresistible booty-shaking package. Simply one of the best pop songs of all time.
12 - "Turtle Power," Partners in Kryme
The very definition of going from the sublime to the ridiculous. A rap from the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie that, as rap songs from movies of the time were required to do, laid out the plot of the movie. The track is okay synthpop funk, and the rapping is competent, but these guys rap names (DJ Keymaster Snow and MC Golden Voice!) are even more impossible to take seriously than the phrase "teenage mutant ninja turtles." An artifact of the time.
11 - "What Time is Love," The KLF
The first hit for Bill Drummond and Jimmy Carty under this name. The prototype of the "stadium house" sound that later helped them break America with "3 am Eternal." One of the few group's of the genre that really stood out. And that was before they burned £1 million.
Don't go Toppin' My Ten.
10 - "Silhouettes," Cliff Richard
Sir Cliff's first Top Ten of this decade was a live cover of a 1957 doo-wop classic about seeing your crush kissing another. He does what he does, and Britain seemed to like that a lot and for a long time.
9 - "Naked in the Rain," Blue Pearl
The first hit for the team of American singer Durga McBroom and Brit Martin "Youth" Glover, a former member of the band Killing Joke. Decent soul-house. That's it.
8 - "Can Can You Party," Jive Bunny and the Mastermixers
A collective of DJs from Rotherham, these guys used a cartoon rabbit as a front and scored eight hits, including three #1s, from '89 to '91. Basically, they were just updating the Stars on 45 format, as this track proves. The medley includes three rock classics (the Beach Boys' "Barbara Ann" and "Surfin' USA," Jackie Wilson's "Reet Petite,"), two 70s doo-wop revival hits (Darts' "Daddy Cool," Showaddywaddy's "Dancin' Party,"), and a cleaned-up version of John Travolta doing "Greased Lightning.") No effort, no creativity, just lazy cash-in hackwork.
7 - "Listen to Your Heart/Dangerous," Roxette
A double-sided reissue of two songs that were hits the previous year in the U.S. I like the strutting pop rock of the latter to the bland power balladry of the former.
6 - "Praying for Time," George Michael
A surprisingly potent social statement from George. Didn’t think he had it in him before this. The most surprising thing may be is that his homeland prevented him from a Triple Crown, only lifting it this high. This, they got wrong.
5 - "Tom's Diner," DNA featuring Suzanne Vega
The first and biggest hit for Bath DJs Nick Batt and Neal Slateford came when they added beats and horn samples to a 1987 a capella track by American folkie Vega. The minimalist track and Vega's casual observations of life around her as she has her morning coffee blend perfectly, as if they were meant to be together from the start.
4 - "Where Are You Baby," Betty Boo
Born in London of Scottish and Malaysian ancestry, Alison Clarkson had the biggest of her five hits with this hybrid of rap and 60s pop-soul. Her rhyming and singing are both very good. This is just high-quality radio pop.
3 - "Tonight," New Kids on the Block
The Boston boys final Top Five, their showy reflection on their experiences with fame to that point, including "(meeting) a lot of people, and girls." That "and" still bothers me. They still linger in pop culture thanks to the restaurant chain/reality show Wahlburgers. My brother went to the Toronto location once (appropriately enough, before taking his daughter to a One Direction concert), and he says they make a good burger. Maybe someday I'll find out for myself.
2 - "I'll Never Fall in Love Again," Deacon Blue
This Glasgow band named for a Steely Dan song had a huge run between 1987 and 1994, picking up two #1 albums and seventeen Top 40 singles, the biggest of the latter being this cover of a Burt Bacharach/Hal David number about trying to convince oneself that romance is for chumps but knowing you'll still pursue it. Dionne Warwick made it a jaunty lark in 1969, but these guys make it slow and morose, and it doesn't work. Plus the singer sounds a lot like Michael Buble on it. I know they have better stuff, and hopefully we'll run into some down the line.
And your 27-year-old charttopper was...
1 - "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini," Bombalurina
So...this is a house cover of BrIan Hyland's 1960 novelty perennial about a girl so embarrassed by the brevity of her swimwear that she was apparently willing to ironically die of exposure rather than come out of the ocean. It's sung by Timmy Mallett, who at the time hosted a children's show alongside a cockatiel and a talking hammer. And it was produced by none other than Andrew Lloyd Webber, who did so to win a bet with his post-Sarah Brightman wife that he was too "pompous" to produce a dumb summer pop hit. You couldn't have drawn up an Uneasier Rider if you tried.
So yeah, that happened. Othere stuff happened at other times, and I'll tell you about one of those times soon.
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