But wait, there's more!
20 - "One of Those Nights," Bucks Fizz
This group's third hit was another bit of ABBAishness about being depressed about losing a lover. Well, it's better than another medley.
19 - "So This is Romance," Linx
The fourth and last Top 40 for this British soul group in which singer David Grant talks about how his cousin's girlfriend cheated on him. That's different, and it's also kinda catchy. Grant apparently is now a vocal coach for TV singing competitions. Good for him.
18 - "Abacab," Genesis
The now-trio's third UK Top Ten was this song about, um, being sneaky and stealing someone's girlfriend and then wrapping them in cellopahane. And it's named after chord changes. Well, they still had a little weirdness left before they became straight pop.
17 - "You'll Never Know," Hi-Gloss
Can't find much about the group, but the song is slick funk featuring a woman telling a man how he blew a good thing with her. Superior soul in the Sade/Swing Out Sister vein. Worth seeking out.
16 - "She's Got Claws," Gary Numan
The fifth Top Ten by the London New Wave pioneer was this dark number about love and betrayal. He takes you into a similar world to the one Bowie does, but his is even more cold and mechanical. But it's always fascinating to be there.
15 - "The Thin Wall," Ultravox
The fifth hit for this London band was this darkly atmospheric New Wave tune about the world's manipulators and those they manipulate. I think that's it. A solid contribution to the genre. Rocking, but with a suitably cool vibe.
14 - "Everybody Salsa," Modern Romance
The first hit for the group we encountered with "Queen of the Rapping Scene" are here with their debut hit, an attempt to combine British dance music with Latin rhythms. It just comes off as loungey, gimmicky cheese.
13 - "Endless Love," Diana Ross and Lionel Richie
A U,S. #1 and a Top Ten here. Sappy ballad from a movie about fucked-up teenage love. I'm not sure I'd burn down a house for Brooke Shields.
12 - "One in Ten," UB40
Their fifth hit was this slow burning reggae track about people on the margins of society. Sincere and urgent. Before they went unabashedly pop, these guys were legit.
11 - "Slow Hand," The Pointer Sisters
The siblings' first British Top Ten was this slow groove about taking your time during sex. Up there among their best.
10 - "Love Action," The Human League
The synth stars' first U.K. Top Five was this tinkly number about relishing the ups and downs of romance. It strikes me as the warmup version of "Don't You Want Me." A little tweaking and boom, an iconic classic.
9 - "Start Me Up," The Rolling Stones
Their biggest hit of the 80s. Everyone knows the opening riff. I still feel weird about that lyric about the orgasming corpse, though. If you don't know it, look it up. It's there.
8 - "Pretend," Alvin Stardust
Nottinghamshire's Bernard Jewry's two biggest breaks came when he was asked to carry on for someone else. In the early 60s, he was asked not only to become the new frontman of a group called Shane Fenton and the Fentones after Fenton had been killed in a car accident, he also took on the name "Shane Fenton." A decade later, after singer Peter Shelley created a glam rock persona called Alvin Stardust but did not want to make appearances with the gimmick after debut single "My Coo-Ca-Choo" became a hit, Jewry was tapped to take on the role. Jewry/Stardust would pick up six Top 40 hits between '73 and '75, then return to the charts six years later with this cover of a 1953 Nat King Cole hit about romantic denial. It's limp, too-slick faux rockabilly. Stardust would have three more 80s hits, then would pretty much become a nostalgia act until his death from prostate cancer in 2014.
7 - "Hold On Tight," The Electric Light Orchestra
A straight-ahead rocker with a "don't give up" message in two languages. A little dull for them.
6 - "Japanese Boy," Aneka
Scotswoman Mary Sandeman's one claim to pop fame was this gimmicky Asian-themed pop embarrassment. From the fake-"Oriental" sounds to her adopting of a pseudo-Japanese look, it's all very stereotypical, and almost too silly to be offensive. I have to give an extra Uneasy Rider this week to this one. Fun Fact: this song failed to become a hit in Japan itself because people there found it "too Chinese."
5 - "Wired for Sound," Cliff Richard
Yet more from Sir Cliff. This one is peppy lite-pop about how much he loves music and needs to hear it wherever he goes. Meh. Not great, but the only thing really offensive about it is how he tries to rhyme "plastic" with "ecstatic." No.
4 - "Hands Up (Give Me Your Heart)," Ottowan
The second and last Top Five for this French dance duo is this reggae/pop number that compares love to armed robbery. That's a little dark for such a sunny-sounding song. Nothing more romantic than a mugging.
3 - "Souvenir," Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
The Merseyside bands third Top 40 and first Top 5 was this ethereal synth ballad about not being able to get where one is going. Relaxing chill-out music.
2 - "Tainted Love," Soft Cell
The song that made them one-hit wonders in America was followed up with eleven more Top 40s at home. Britain for the win.
And today's 35-year-old charttopper is...
1 - "Prince Charming," Adam and the Ants
The insectcentric London group's second and last #1 was this jittery acoustic rock song encouraging listeners to be their flamboyant, outrageous selves. "Ridicule is nothing to be scared of." I agree. These guys were more than just dressup dandies.
Thank you for reading. I shall return. Farewell.
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