And now, for this Christmas weekend, we go back to Boxing Day 1987. Don't ask me what I got for Christmas that year. Even if I remembered, I'd probably be too embarrassed to tell you. Anyway, here are the songs that were big that week.
40 - "Push It," Salt-n-Pepa
39 - "What Have I Done to Deserve This," The Pet Shop Boys and Dusty Springfield
38 - "Everywhere," Fleetwood Mac
37 - "Motortown," The Kane Gang
36 - "Honestly," Stryper
35 - "Pop Goes the World," Men Without Hats
34 - "Don't Shed a Tear," Paul Carrack
33 - "Say You Will," Foreigner
32 - "True Faith," New Order
31 - "I Live for Your Love," Nataie Cole
We begin with songs featuring entirely female lead vocals. Salt-n-Pepa became the first female rappers to hit the Top 40 with this dancefloor classic containing the immortal line "Can't you hear the music pumpin' hard like I wish you would." Cheeky.
Fleetwood Mac had their last Top 40 to date with this slick, Christine McVie-fronted number about wanting to be with someone. A lot. Not one of their best efforts. And Natalie Cole continued her late-80s comeback with this pleasant-but-innocuous ballad. Well, at least she wasn't exploiting her dead father...yet.
Four entirely British acts are here. The Pet Shop Boys scored their second-biggest American hit by teaming up with the legendary Dusty Springfield on this song about wondering where a relationship went wrong. The boys are great on their own, but Dusty adds a cool little touch of class. Newcastle's The Kane Gang had their only American hit with this pop-rocker about hanging on to hope in a dying industrial city. A lost little nugget of goodness that reminds me a bit of Steely Dan. Paul Carrack, whose previous biggest hits had been with the band Ace and Mike + the Mechanics, finally hit the American Top Ten on his own with this song telling an ex not to weep for him, because he now sees her as "cab fare to nowhere" and "a slim chance in tight pants." Ouch. And Manchester electro-rockers New Order had their first U.S. pop hit with this airy dance number about a sudden burst of hope and optimism after a difficult life, tempered by a reticence reflected in the line "Now I fear you've left me standing/In a world that's so demanding." Fantastic. And it was made even better when Casey busted out his Shaggy voice while introducing it.
What's left are three bands. Stryper, the standard bearers of the Christian hair-metal genre, picked up their biggest mainstream hit with this standard-issue power ballad that's only different because they might be singing about God instead of a woman. And the singer sounds like Dennis DeYoung on helium. Montreal's Men Without Hats had their second and final U.S. hit with this sprightly synth-pop treat about the adventures of a couple named Johnny and Jenny, who play guitar and bass in a band called The Human Race. Deep. Or nonsensical. Either way, fun song. And Anglo-American rock vets Foreigner had yet another Top Ten with this slick plea for decisiveness. Not one of their best-remembered hits, and justifiably so.
30 - "Tunnel of Love," Bruce Springsteen
29 - "Should've Known Better," Richard Marx
28 - "We'll Be Together," Sting
27 - "The Power of Love," Laura Branigan
26 - "I Want to Be Your Man," Roger
25 - "Hungry Eyes," Eric Carmen
24 - "That's What Love is All About," Michael Bolton
23 - "I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man," Prince
22 - "Crazy," Icehouse
21 - "(I've Had) The Time of My Life," Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
We start with three of the biggest rock stars of the decade. Bruce Springsteen had his last Top Ten of the decade with this mournful-sounding song that compares the ups and downs of marriage to an amusement park ride. Good stuff, but it's also easy to see why the album of the same name sold only one-fifth as much as Born in the U.S.A. It's just not crank-it-up-at-the-barbecue material. Sting is back saying he's going to be with you tonight. If he doesn't, don't blame me. And Prince reached the Top Ten yet again with this funky bit of chivalry in which he turns down a chance at a one night stand because he knows that the lady offering herself wants much more than he is prepared to give her. He really is a prince, that guy.
A whole bunch of lite-rock and MOR in this group. Richard Marx is back regretting his bad judgement in mediocre song form. The late Laura Branigan had her final Top 40 single with this cover of a big ballad that was an international smash for Jennifer Rush a couple years earlier, but had never caught on in America. Laura did okay with it, but then Celine Dion recorded it in 1993 and did what neither Rush nor Branigan could: hitting #1 in the U.S.A. After pretty much dropping off the radio, the formerly awesome Eric Carmen came limply roaring back with this cheeseball ballad from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. Okay, it's not worse than "All by Myself," but what is? Michael Bolton is back from last time with the song that began his ascent from faceless songwriter to reviled schlockmeister. And Medley and Warnes return with their Dirty Dancing contribution about having a nice evening. Why did they even bother putting new songs on that soundtrack? They were all terrible.
We close out this section with an R&B singer and an Australian band. Roger Troutman had been a member of Funkadelic in their dying days, and had achieved success with his own band, Zapp, before scoring his biggest solo hit, a song that, like some of Peter Frampton's biggest hits, employed the "talk box," the Auto-Tune of its day. Sadly, I just learned now that the man died in 1999, shot in a dispute over money by his brother Larry, who then committed suicide. Damn. And Icehouse, formed in Sydney, had been together for ten years when they finally cracked the American charts with this midtempo ballad about a man whose disbelief in how fortunate he is to have found a great woman has gotten to the point where he's almost trying to convince her that she's made a mistake. Calm down, buddy. She loves you. Accept and enjoy.
Whenever I get the chance: the mall princess returns, a 60s chestnut gets rocked up, and a song that would later become absolutely massive. Until then, Merry Christmas everyone.
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