Okay, before we wrap up 1986, let's go all the way back and see what was goin' on on October 31, 1970. The Jackson 5 were at #1 with "I'll Be There." And below...
...The Carpenters were at #2 with "We've Only Just Begun." Recently, through the magic of YouTube, I managed to watch Todd Haynes' Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story. Yes, it tells the story through the unusual medium of Barbie dolls, but it's no less powerful and genuinely moving for it. I definitely recommend it..."Fire and Rain," "Cracklin' Rosie" and "Lola" are other highlights of the Top Ten...The first newbie we come across is Joe Cocker's rollicking blues cover of the classic torch song "Cry Me a River" at 19. No, it's not the same song Justin Timberlake did a few years back. There are no references to a cheating Britney Spears here...Wilson Pickett is at #25 with the funky train song "Engine Number 9." It's good, but my favorite song referencing that train remains Black Sheep's 1992 rap hit "The Choice is Yours." Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up!...Dionne Warwick is at 39, doing her usual bang-up job on a Burt Bacharach/Hal David song, "Make it Easy on Yourself"...And Stevie Wonder started to give hints of the direction he was about to go in with the fantastic gospel prayer for the worlds sinners and their victims, "Heaven Help Us All," which we find at #40...But this week, I've chosen to put the spotlight on...
37 - "Yellow River," Christie
The only hit for this British band named after bassist/vocalist Jeff Christie was this catchy little pop-rocker about going back to the title location after some sort of war. It's one of those songs that I couldn't identify by the title and artist, but as soon as I heard it, I thought, "Oh, it's that song." That has happened quite a bit in the course of doing these things. Oh, and the Yellow River these guys are singing about is almost certainly not the one in China that the natives there call "Huang He."
Okay, now back to '86:
20 - "Heaven in Your Eyes," Loverboy
19 - "Girl Can't Help It," Journey
18 - "The Rain," Oran "Juice" Jones
17 - "Word Up," Cameo
16 - "You Give Love a Bad Name," Bon Jovi
The second half begins with Mike Reno and his Canadian cheese crew, returning from last time with this glob of romantic goo. No, I didn't like this side of them.
Next it's Journey. There's almost always Journey, it seems. This week, they show up with a midtempo ballad about starcrossed lovers. Nothing special about it at all. I'd rather they'd have tried to cover the similarly titled Little Richard song. It would have surely sucked, but at least it would have sucked in an interesting way.
Ex-Marine Oran Jones made his biggest impression on the world with this darkly funky tale of finding his girlfriend walking hand-in-hand with another man. But "Juice" doesn't just take this lying down. In the song's spoken-word coda, he confronts the lady when she comes home and tells her that he saw her with her lover, who he refers to as an "alley-cat-coat-wearing, punch-bucket-shoe crumbcake." His first instinct, he tells her, was to "do a Rambo" and shoot them both dead, but instead, he merely drained her bank account, cancelled her credit cards, sold all the jewelry and designer clothes he'd bought for her, and packed the rest of her things and left them for her to take away with her. Well, better than murder. Anyway, Mr. Juice earns this week's Uneasy Rider
Atlanta funk trio Cameo had been hitting the R&B charts for a decade before they finally cracked the pop Top 40 with this vaguely spooky yet entirely awesome groover that introduced the title phrase to mainstream America. It also introduced MTV viewers to the fashion accessory known as the codpiece, which singer Larry Blackmon wore in this video. And as Carl Carlson once pointed out to Homer Simpson, you can't feed your family with a codpiece.
This section closes with what I always assumed was Bon Jovi's first Top 40 hit. Apparently, I was wrong, because "Runaway" snuck onto the list by hitting #39 two years earlier. But I'm sure most pop radio listeners had forgotten about that when they heard this driving hard rocker about a woman whose seductive powers cause Jon Bon Jovi to refer to her as "a loaded gun." It remains unspeakably catchy to this day, and not surprisingly, it hit Number One and began the band's reign as the kings of pop-metal. Who'd have known that twenty years later, they'd go country?
15 - "Take Me Home Tonight," Eddie Money
14 - "Don't Forget Me (When I'm Gone)," Glass Tiger
13 - "True Blue," Madonna
12 - "A Matter of Trust," Billy Joel
11 - "Two of Hearts," Stacey Q
This section opens with E-Money and his biggest hit, a song about lust notable for its use of legendary girl-group singer Ronnie Spector singing portions of her Ronettes hit "Be My Baby." Not a big fan of this song, but I'm not going to begrudge Ronnie its success. After being married to Phil Spector, she deserves it.
Glass Tiger are back, and they still don't want you to forget them. Lord knows I've tried, but no luck yet.
Next is Ms. Ciccone with the title track of her third album. It has kind of a retro, girl-group feel. It could almost pass for a Supremes outtake if not for Madge's distinctive vocals. I must admit, her 80s singles have generally held up pretty well.
Then it's Billy Joel with a song from last time. I repeat, I think this is one of his better songs. For lack of a better description, it's an "adult" rocker.
Closing things out for this bunch is Stacey Q with the song I might like better if it was about a playing card. But it's not, so fuck you, Ms. Q.
Oh, when the Ten come marching in, you want to be the lowest number.
10 - "Sweet Love," Anita Baker
The return of this slice of honeyed jazz-soul. Baby-making music to be sure, but the classy kind.
9 - "Human," The Human League
After a minor hit slump in America, these British synth-poppers hooked up with the Minneapolis production duo of Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis. The result was this Jam/Lewis-written ballad about infidelity that would become the group's second and final U.S. #1. I don't like it nearly as much as "Don't You Want Me." It just leaves me cold.
8 - "All Cried Out," Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
And I'm all out of things to write about this song after last time. Sorry.
7 - "Throwing it All Away," Genesis
Again, all I had to say about this, I did here.
6 - "Amanda," Boston
After an eight-year battle with their old record company, Tom Scholz and his craft-rockers returned on a new label with a new album. Apparently, America had been waiting anxiously for their return, because the first single, this boilerplate rock ballad that sounded like it would have fit perfectly on either of their first two LPs became their first and only Number One. There's nothing remarkable about it. There was no video. I don't know who the real-life Amanda was. I wouldn't be surprise if there wasn't one. Boston may be the most boring multi-platinum rock band ever.
5 - "Heartbeat," Don Johnson
I really should try to find some of Philip Michael Thomas' recordings and give them a listen. They can't be worse than this.
4 - "I Didn't Mean to Turn You On," Robert Palmer
Well, you did, Bob. More precisely, those pasty-faced, robotic women in your videos did. But no need to apologize.
3 - "When I Think of You," Janet Jackson
This is a far stronger example of Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis' work than "Human." It helps that Janet sounds like a much warmer human being than either singer on that track. I really want to remember this version of her. Hopefully someday I'll forget words and phrases like "Nipplegate" and "wardrobe malfunction."
2 - "Typical Male," Tina Turner
I'm kind of surprised that this song was this big a hit, because it seems to have been forgotten compared to a lot of her other 80s hits. Though I can't say I think it's been hard done by. It's decent, but it doesn't really stick in the mind.
And this week we celebrate the 25th anniversary of the pop chart reign of...
1 - "True Colors," Cyndi Lauper
Cyndi's second and final #1 is a ballad just like her first, "Time after Time." Although this is a more positive song, about devoted, unconditional friendship. Cyndi didn't write it, but apparently when she sang it, she was thinking about a friend who'd recently died of AIDS, and it helped comfort her. Cyndi now uses the title of the song in the names of charitable projects she puts together to support LGBT causes. And the song remains great after all these years. So, good stuff all around.
The NotCaseys this week were "Shake You Down" by Gregory Abbott, "Don't Get Me Wrong" by The Pretenders, "Stand by Me" by Ben E. King, and "Is This Love" by Survivor. And of course, there were two Long Distance Dedications: A teenage girl had Casey play Whitney Houston's "The Greatest Love of All" for other kids her age who were facing peer pressure, and a Marine dedicated Journey's "Faithfully" to his girlftiend to let her know he still loves her even after she was paralyzed in a car accident.
And boom goes the dynamite.
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