On this Easter weekend, we're going back to 1977. A time when both the sports and entertainment worlds were holding their breath in anticipation of a second epic clash between teams led by Gabe Kaplan, Telly Savalas and Robert Conrad on Battle of the Network Stars. Let's see if the chart action then could match such excitement.
40 - "Ain't Gonna Bump No More (With No Big Fat Woman)," Joe Tex
39 - "Old Fashioned Boy (You're the One)," Stallion
38 - "I Like Dreamin'," Kenny Nolan
37 - "Whodunit," Tavares
36 - "Got to Give it Up Part 1," Marvin Gaye
35 - "Uptown Festival," Shalamar
34 - "Heard It in a Love Song," The Marshall Tucker Band
33 - "Hello Stranger," Yvonne Elliman
32 - "Sometimes," Facts of Life
31 - "Dancin' Man," Q
Disco dominates the first quarter. Soul veteran Joe Tex had his last major hit by hopping on the bandwagon with a song about the dangers of doing a certain contact-heavy step with females of ample proportions. It sounded okay, but I can't really judge it too accurately from the extremely truncated edit Casey played. Tavares are here again, working on the mystery of the missing lover. During the song, they call for help from a who's who of fictional detectives, from Sherlock Holmes and Charlie Chan to Kojak and Dirty Harry. But the song ends with the mystery unsolved. I demand resolution! Marvin Gaye went disco with "Got to Give it Up Part 1," but it was so good it doesn't tarnish his legacy at all. Unfortunately, on the show, Casey played the okay but inferior "Part 2." Vocal group Shalamar had their first hit with what was essentially a disco medley of Motown classics, including "I Can't Help Myself" and "Stop in the Name of Love." After this succsss, the producer who put the group together hired all new singers, including future late-80s dance dive Jody Watley. Ynonne Elliman, before her triumph with "If I Can't Have You," went Top 20 with a midtempo cover of a 1963 hit by Barbara Lewis about encountering an old lover. Haven't heard the original, but Yvonne's version is pretty damn sexy. And the group Q had their only hit with this tepid disco number about a guy who enjoys the occasional boogie. And no, Quincy Jones had nothing to do with them, to my knowledge.
The rest of this batch qualify for MOR status and the benefits and penalties that accompany this classification. Stallion only got to #37 with their only hit, and aside from a bit of spacey synth in the middle, it doesn't really stand out from the Pablo Cruises and Ambrosias of the world. Kenny Nolan returns with his appropriately sleepy song about nocturnal flights of fancy. The sound of boredom, that's what this is. Southern rockers the Marshall Tucker Band had their biggest hit with a light, countryish number in which he blames his desire to leave his longtime love on some song he heard once that, apparently one that "can't be wrong." Homer Simpson once believed the same thing about desserts. He was wrong, and I daresay Marshall is too. And Facts of Life had their only hit with an R&B cover of a 1975 country smash by "Whispering Bill" Anderson about the temptation to stray from a marriage. Decent song. All I can say.
30 - "Lonely Boy," Andrew Gold
29 - "Feels Like the First Time," Foreigner
28 - "Lucille," Kenny Rogers
27 - "N.Y., You Got Me Dancing," The Andrea True Connection
26 - "Disco Lucy," The Wilton Place Street Band
25 - "Angel in Your Arms," Hot
24 - "Maybe I'm Amazed," Wings
23 - "Calling Dr. Love," Kiss
22 - "The First Cut is the Deepest," Rod Stewart
21 - "Carry On Wayward Son," Kansas
This time MOR kicks off. Andrew "Thank You for Being a Friend" Gold had his first and biggest hit with this song about how he resented the birth of his sister, then left home at 18. And then his sister had a son of her own. Gold wrings much more drama out of this than one would think possible, so, good for him. A First Editionless Kenny Rogers made his return to the pop charts with this gentle storysong about picking up a woman in a Toledo, Ohio bar, then being interrupted by her husband, whom she left alone to deal with "four hungry children and a crop in the fields." Lucille sends the husband away, and she and Kenny find a hotel room, but Kenny finds himself, shall we say, unable to perform, due to the memory of seeing the poor guy she abandoned. Always a fun singalong. And L.A. vocal trio Hot had their only major hit with this ballad about how the titular heavenly body "is gonna be the Devil in someone else's arms tonight." I remember the song, and I also remember for some reason commercials for this group's appearance on, I think, The Mike Douglas Show. But not the appearance itself. Strange.
A good chunk of rock in this section. Foreigner had their first hit with this staple that is basically a male riff on the theme that Madonna would later cover in "Like a Virgin." And from 24 to 21, we have an historic "Classic Rock Quadruple Shot" It starts with Paul McCartney and company's live version of his ballad about how awestruck he is by how much he loves (presumably) Linda. I wonder if this is the version you have to play backwards to get that lentil soup recipe. The alleged Knights in Satans Service cracked the top 20 with arguably their most rocking pop hit, in which Gene Simmons declares himself to be a medical professional with a very special specialty. Hearing the real version almost cleanses the stain left by the one in those Dr. Pepper commercials. Rod Stewart just missed the Top 20 with this version of a Cat Stevens song about trying to re-enter the world of romance after a bad heartbreak. Of the three versions I've heard, this is #1, followed by Sheryl Crow and Keith Hampshire. And Kansas closes out this Rock Block with another one of those songs that classic rock radio has drilled into its listeners' consciousnesses. I'm only guessing, but I assume that it's been at least thirty years since the band have done this and "Dust in the Wind" before the encore. Feel free to correct me if you have contradictory evidence.
We close with disco. Andrea True, the porn star-turned-disco diva behind "More More More," actually had a second hit with this nothing-to-write-home-about ode to New York. I liked her better as a one-hit-wonder. And the Wilton Place Street Band cracked the charts with, yes, a disco version of the theme to a certain groundbreaking Lucille Ball/Desi Arnaz sitcom. It's an instrumental, of course, but there are occasional outbursts of "Let's go" and "Dance, Dance, Disco Lucy" from some female backing singers. I think I sort of remember it from back in the day. Either way, it's this week's winner of the prestigious (at least I'd like to think so) Uneasy Rider Award.
Tomorrow: A duke, a queen, and a lady whose wealth comes from means other than royal lineage.
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