March 6, 1976 Part Two

The fun doesn't stop 'til we get to the top.


20 - "The White Knight," Cledus Maggard and the Citizens' Band
19 - "Dream On," Aerosmith
18 - "Breaking Up is Hard to Do," Neil Sedaka
17 - "Golden Years," David Bowie
16 - "Fanny (Be Tender with My Love)," Bee Gees

The second half opens with a guy named Jay Huguely, who was working as an advertising executive when he recorded this novelty record, which capitalized on the way CB radio and trucker lingo had begun to penetrate popular culture (see also C.W. McCall's "Convoy.") In this song, a trucker thinks he's getting help avoiding police speed traps from a fellow traveler who calls himself The White Knight, only to find that his "good buddy" is actually a "smokey" who is luring him into going over the limit in a speed trap so he can make an arrest. Um, breaker breaker, etc.

Next are Aerosmith with their first Top Ten, which didn't chart until two years after it's initial release. It's one of the prototypical power ballads, which was later sampled to great effect on Eminem's "Sing for the Moment." Steven Tyler is showing himself to be a surprisingly soft touch on Idol. I miss Simon.

Neil Sedaka continued his career revival with a maudlin piano ballad version of one of his biggest 60s hits. Not necessary at all. Without "kamma kamma dow doo-bee-doo dow dow," what's the point.

David Bowie only had four Top 40 singles in the U.S. during this decade, and "Golden Years" was the last. It continued in the funk/R&B vein of "Fame." Perhaps it's no coincidence that he wouldn't hit the 40 in America by himself until he returned to that territory with "Let's Dance."

The Bee Gees end this section with an unremarkable disco ballad. It wasn't released as a single in the U.K., but given what "fanny" means in British slang, that's probably for the best.

15 - "Love to Love You Baby," Donna Summer

14 - "Baby Face," The Wing and a Prayer Fife and Drum Corps

13 - "Junk Food Junkie," Larry Groce

12 - "Wake Up Everybody," Harold Melvin and the Bluenotes

11 - " Sweet Thing," Rufus featuring Chaka Khan

This group is led by the breakthrough hit for disco's future queen. Its lyrics were somewhat sexually explicity, but it was Donna's breathy delivery that really sold it. The full, 16-plus minute version apparently includes a great deal of simulated orgasmic moaning from Ms. Summer, just in case a few people still didn't get the point.

"Baby Face" dates all the way back to 1926. It's so old, Al Jolson had a hit with it. It had been covered many times since, but it was first introduced to my young ears in this disco version by the cheekily named Wing and a Prayer Fife and Drum Corps. It's a silly little trifle that I liked as a kid, but now, I would need an extremely forceful shove to fall in love with it.

Larry Groce had his only hit with this jokey folk number about a man who consumes nothing but health food during the day, but at night gets his fix of less nutritious treats, to his great shame. Some of the references are dated (communes, Euell Gibbons), but the subject matter has, if anything, increased in relevance. It's not hilarious or anything, but it's fun, and certainly different enough to claim this week's Uneasy Rider Award.

Harold Melvin and the Bluenotes had their last Top 40 single with this entry in the crowded "Let's change the world" R&B song category. And it does not stand out in that field

Finally it's Chaka Khan and her band with a sultry soul love song. It's really nice. Sorry, but sometimes, there's only so much that can be said. Just seek this out and listen for yourself.

Ten to one, fun fun fun.

10 - "You Sexy Thing," Hot Chocolate

The best-remembered hit by these British funksters. It was frequently sung by SCTV station manager Edith Prickley, and later provided the background for stripteases by the steelworkers-turned-dancers in The Full Monty and Krusty the Clown's monkey sidekick Mr. Teeny.

9 - "Love Hurts," Nazareth
These Scottish rockers had their biggest single with this cover of a song from 1960 that had previously been recorded by the Everly Brothers and Roy Orbison, among others. But even though I love Roy and what he did with this, this version deserves to be the definitive one.

8 - "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," Paul Simon
Garfunkel's ex had another big one on his own with this list of suggestions to those who want to get out of relationships. Although contrary to what the song says, I'm sure slipping out the back is meant to be an option for people who aren't named Jack. Same for hopping on a bus and people not named Gus, dropping off the key and people not named Lee, etc.

7 - "Lonely Night (Angel Face)," The Captain and Tennille

Daryl Dragon and Toni T. return with another song written by Neil Sedaka, who also wrote "Love Will Keep Us Together." This was almost as successful, but nowhere near as catchy. And I don't remember it at all. Honestly, I'd rather hear "Muskrat Love."

6 - "Dream Weaver," Gary Wright
This New Jersey musician, who'd previously experienced background glory by playing piano on Harry Nilsson's hit "Without You," came out front and scored a smash with this spacey, echoey ballad whose lyrics were inspired by the book Autobiography of a Yogi. I dare you to listen to it and not imagine yourself making out with someone in the back of a van. That seems to be what this song was made for.

5 - "Take it to the Limit," The Eagles
Most of this juggernaut's hits were sung by either Don Henley or Glenn Frey, but on this one, bassist Randy Meissner handled the vocal chores. To me, his voice sounds like what the result would be of electronically blending Henley's and Frey's voices. Anyway, this is probably in the top tier of the band's hits, and one I could actually picture myself singing along to in a public setting.

4 - "Theme from S.W.A.T.," Rhythm Heritage
This funky instrumental was much more successful than the cop show that spawned it. S.W.A.T. only lasted two seasons, while the theme song hit #1. I vaguely remember the show, but I'm sure the song is much better.

3 - "December 1963 (Oh What a Night)," The Four Seasons
I didn't like this song much as a kid, and I downright hated it when it came out again as a remix in the 90s. Probably one of the worst "first time" songs ever recorded. This is not the only reason I'll never see Jersey Boys, but it's the biggest by far.

2 - "All By Myself," Eric Carmen
Here it is, the song that single-handedly transformed Eric Carmen from the cool power-pop hero of The Raspberries to the purveyor of vomitous easy-listening mush. Terrible terrible terrible. You deserve to be all by yourself for writing whiny dreck like this, Carmen. And he also had to give a writing credit after the fact to classical composer Sergei Rachmaninoff for mistakenly believing one of his concertos was in the public domain. Plagiarist bastard.

And topping the charts four months before the USA turned 200 was...

1 - "Love Machine," The Miracles
Smokey never topped the pop charts without the Miracles, but they did without Smokey. And deservedly so. There's a whiff of cheese to this bumping funk number about the contraption d'amour that "won't work for nobody but you," but the way that one guy grunt-groans "HuhooHOOOhyyuh" on all the choruses is enough to make it worthy by itself, as far as I'm concerned.

NotCasey gave us two Extras: "Fooled Around and Fell in Love" by Elvin Bishop, and Fleetwood Mac's "Rhiannon." And Casey himself played Arlo Guthrie's "City of New Orleans" after telling the story behind Guthrie's classic "Alice's Restauraunt."

Another one I'm looking forward to is on tap for next week. Join me, please.