THE AS THE WORLD TURNS BOWL
"Sign O' the Times," Prince, 1987
vs. "We Didn't Start the Fire," Billy Joel, 1987
Final Score: Fire 34, Sign 21. Both teams showed a lot of aggression, but it was the Joel side's more varied attack that won the day. The Times team's title dreams are dead, but some say that because of this, they're now truly happy.
THE IF THOSE KIDS DON’T NEED EDUCATION, SEND THEM OFF TO WAR BOWL
"Another Brick in the Wall Part 2," Pink Floyd, 1980
vs. "19," Paul Hardcastle, 1985
Final Score: Nineteen 44, Brick 10. Floyd's rebellious youth were overwhelmed by the stark reality of what the 19 team were willing and able to do to them. After the loss, they were so depressed that they wouldn't eat their post-game meal, which of course meant they couldn't have dessert either.
THE NOT THE BEST MEDICAL CARE BOWL
"One," Metallica, 1989
vs. "Dr. Feelgood," Motley Crue, 1989
Final Score: One 38, Feelgood 14. Whatever was powering the Crue to their first two victories seemed to have worn off today, and the crash was not pretty. But neither was the grim determination of their opponents, who still seem almost horrified that they remain alive in the tournament.
THE BLUE PAINT AND RED PLASTIC BOWL
"Undercover of the Night," The Rolling Stones, 1983
vs. "99 Luftballons," Nena, 1984
Final Score: Luftballons 35, Undercover 7. Nena's army dominated the Stones side with their deceptively harmless-seeming air attack. The Undercover team hasn't been seen since the loss.
THE REALLY GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT BOWL
"Coward of the County," Kenny Rogers, 1980
vs. "Dirty Laundry," Don Henley, 1983
Final Score: Laundry 31, County 24. The Laundry men were well ahead for most of the game thanks to their deceptive and distracting tactics. The County side made a brave late comeback, but their opponents' relentless tackling eventually wore them out. Afterward, Kenny's team's greatest concern was whether or not their parents were proud of their efforts.
THE VASTLY DIFFERENT REASONS NOT TO DO IT BOWL
"I've Never Been to Me," Charlene, 1982
vs. "Relax," Frankie Goes to Hollywood, 1985
Final Score: Never 24, Relax 10. Charlene's charges were extremely active in the first have, running plays that, if not against the rules, certainly were on the edge of morality. They settled down in the second half, but their opponents were so committed to saving their big play until the end that they left it too late. Their moment, and their time in the tournament, had passed.
THE THESE OLD MEN HAD A FARM, EMPHASIS ON HAD BOWL
"Rain on the Scarecrow," John Mellencamp, 1986
vs. "Touch of Grey," The Grateful Dead, 1987
Final Score: Rain 31, Grey 17. Farm boy strength and resilience prevailed over veteran savvy. The winners fight on in spite of the financial worries hanging over them. The losers seem pretty mellow, and their large and loyal fanbase was seen following the Dead's bus to wherever their next game may be.
THE CHECK YOUR EGOS AT THE DOOR BOWL
"We are the World," USA for Africa, 1985
vs. "Sun City," Artists United Against Apartheid, 1986
Final Score: City 34, World 28. Both teams were loaded with stars, and there were a lot of flashy individual plays. In the end, the City team came out on top due to their more combative approach. They will move to the next round, unless for some reason they do not approve of the venue chosen for the game.
THE ATARI VS. MARCONI BOWL
"Pac-Man Fever," Buckner and Garcia, 1982
vs. "Radio Ga-Ga," Queen, 1984
Final Score: Fever 44, Radio 7. It was a dominant performance by the Pac-Men, who were so quick and elusive that they made the Radio players seem stuck in the past. But the losing side's fans cheered them off the field, making sure they knew someone still loves them.
THE MODREN SOUNDS IN POP MUSIC BOWL
"Mr. Roboto," Styx, 1983
vs. "Pump Up the Volume," M/A/R/R/S, 1988
Final Score: Roboto 31, Pump 19. The Styx team's mechanical precision won the day over the all-over-the-place M/A/A/R/S squad. The Pump boys are gone, but they made a lot of noise before they went.
THE, LIKE, IS THAT A REAL GUY, OR SOME, LIKE, WEIRD COMPUTER THING BOWL
"Valley Girl," Frank and Moon Zappa, 1982
vs. "Paranoimia," The Art of Noise featuring Max Headroom, 1986
Final Score: Valley 37, Paranoimia 17. The Valley team continued calling their plays in indecipherable code, and they were able to confuse and demoralize the Headroom team, who by the end seemed to want nothing more than to go to sleep.
THE SIGHT AND SOUND BOWL
"She Blinded Me with Science," Thomas Dolby, 1983
vs. "Silent Running," Mike + The Mechanics, 1986
Final Score: Science 24, Running 16. The Mechanics had gotten this far with their stealthy ground game, but with a well thought out defensive strategy, Dolby's team made them look like they were stumbling around with no idea where they were going. By comparison, the Science club's experimental offense looked like poetry in motion.
THE BLUE PORK AND PURPLE BANANAS BOWL
"Let's Go Crazy," Prince, 1984
vs. "Walk the Dinosaur," Was (Not Was), 1989
Final Score: Dinosaur 42, Crazy 24. Both teams produced some innovative play calling, but it was the Was team's superior size that proved decisive. It's unclear how the Crazy side took the loss, because reporters outside their locker room after the game said that "Aaah! Aaah!" was all they heard.
THE WHY SLAP ONE HAND WHEN YOU'VE GOT TWO FACES RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU BOWL
"The Clapping Song," Pia Zadora, 1983
vs. "The Curly Shuffle," Jump N' The Saddle, 1984
Final Score: Curly 49, Clapping 17. The Saddle team jumped all over the Clappers, who were often too busy dodging pies thrown by fans to execute their intricate plays. Immediately afterward, Coach Zadora's husband and team owner fired all the the players and pledged to buy her new ones. The dismissed losers were then piled into a little rowboat, destination unknown.
THE CHECKMATE, EH? BOWL
"Take Off," Bob and Doug McKenzie, 1982
vs. "One Night in Bangkok," Murray Head, 1985
Final Score: Night 33, Off 11. The boys from Bangkok prevailed with superior strategy, which baffled the McKenzies, who were suffering a hangover from their previous two victories. At least that's what they said. Losing coach Bob said that despite the loss, it was a "beauty way to go," and his assistant coach Doug added "Coo loo coo coo coo coo coo coo."
THE HOTEL, MOTEL, THEATER AUF DER WEIDEN BOWL
"Rapper's Delight," The Sugarhill Gang, 1980
vs. "Rock Me Amadeus," Falco, 1986
Final Score: Amadeus 42, Delight 14. The Falco team once again had an easy time of it thanks to the genius plays composed by their prodigious offensive coordinator. The boys from Sugarhill were not helped by their unappetizing pregame meal that included odd tasting chicken and something that looked like cheese. Because of this, the drink table on their sideline was filled not with Gatorade, but Kaopectate.
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