THE WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? BOWL
"Turning Japanese," The Vapors, 1980
vs, "Centerfold," The J. Geils Band, 1982
Final Score: Japanese 41, Centerfold 17. The Vapors had their opponents turning up, down, in, and around, looking for ways to get over the initial shock of their offensive display in the first half. The Geils side ended up not being able to deny their defeat, and also their desire to purchase tickets for the Japanese's next game.
THE FRONT TO BACK BOWL
"Sugar Walls," Sheena Easton, 1985
vs. "Da Butt," E.U., 1988
Final Score: Walls 31, Butt 27. It was another impressive performance b6 the E.U. backfield, but Sheena was able to turn up the heat and close the gap until her opponents surrendered.
THE YOU DON’T NEED A BIG VENUE FOR THIS WORLD SERIES BOWL
"U Got the Look," Prince and Sheena Easton, 1987
vs. "Love in an Elevator," Aerosmith, 1989
Final Score: Look 35, Elevator 34. In a close contest, the Lookers were able to wake up at the very end and send Aerosmith back down to the ground floor. How long can they keep cooking?
THE GOOD AND GOOD FOR YOU BOWL
"Sexual Healing," Marvin Gaye, 1983
vs. "Wild Thing," Tone Loc, 1989
Final Score: Wild 49, Sexual 10. Loc's side contined to demonstrate their ability to score at will, leaving Marvin's team in need of special medical attention. Call it a triumph of youth over experience.
THE DON'T JUST STAND THERE, SHE'S PAYING YOU BOWL
"Just a Gigolo/I Ain't Got Nobody," David Lee Roth, 1984
vs. "Bust a Move," Young MC, 1989
Final Score: Move 45, Gigolo 14. The Young boys' fancy footwork and mission-oriented approach easily overcame Diamond Dave's strategy of waiting for the right opportunities. The Gigolos fans would be disappointed, if they had any.
THE NO HUGGY NO KISSY IF YOU WEAR YOUR HAIR LIKE CHUCK WOOLERY BOWL
"Keep Your Hands to Yourself," The Georgia Satellites, 1986
vs. "Hey Ladies," Beastie Boys, 1989
Final Score: Hands 20, Ladies 10. The Satellites stifling defense prevailed yet again, as the Beasties took more hits than a famous Japanese slugger. Will the Hands team's patient approach get them to their ultimate goal, or could frustration get the best of them at some point.
THE THINKING OR DRINKING BOWL
"Genius of Love," Tom Tom Club, 1982
vs. "Funky Cold Medina," Tone Loc, 1989
Final Score: Genius 33, Medina 28. In a tough battle, wit and knowledge prevailed over substance enhanced performance when Tone's team proved unwilling to commit to the long haul, However, the Geniuses have been rumored to have used drugs in the past themselves, and it has not helped their play in the least. Can they stay out of figurative or literal jail long enough to keep having natural fun?
THE DON'T STEP ON A CRACK WHEN YOU'RE STEPPING OUT BOWL
"Whip It," Devo, 1980
vs. "The Rain," Oran "Juice" Jones, 1986
Final Score: Whip 55, Rain 3. There was just too much dissension in the Juice team, to the point where half of them were fired before the end of the game. Devo and their unusual helmets go forward and move ahead.
THE THOROUGHBREDS AND NATTY DREADS BOWL
"Master Blaster (Jammin'), Stevie Wonder, 1980
vs. "Run for The Roses," Dan Fogelberg, 1982
Final Score: Roses 51, Blaster 0. Quite simply, Stevie didn't have the horses to compete with the Fogelberg running game. His team practically seems bred to win.
THE YOU'RE DEFINITELY NOT CROSSING THE MERSEY BOWL
"Don't Pay the Ferryman," Chris de Burgh, 1983
vs. "When We was Fab," George Harrison, 1988
Final Score: Ferryman 34, Fab 9. De Burgh's bunch had the determination to cruise past the Fabs, who couldn't rely on past glories. But will they be willing to pay the price to go all the way?
THE AL WASN'T THE ONE WHO NEEDED A BODYGUARD BOWL
"You Can Call Me Al," Paul Simon, 1987
vs. "Smooth Criminal," Michael Jackson, 1989
Final Score: Al 23, Criminal 21. Jackson's squad were in charge for most of the game, with their slick moves befuddling the already bewildered Simon team. But they embraced their desperation in the fourth quarter, and managed to win on a Hail Mary, stealing one from the Criminals.
THE THESE INJUSTICES AREN'T QUITE COMPARABLE BOWL
"Beds are Burning," Midnight Oil, 1988
vs. "Pop Singer," John Mellencamp, 1989
Final Score: Beds 37, Pop 10. The Aussies were dedicated to their cause, and they played with a fiery intensity, while Mellencamp's team seemed glad to get off the field and out of the spotlight.
THE DREAM BOYS AND DREAMGIRLS BOWL
"And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," Jennifer Holiday, 1982
vs. "Wipe Out," The Fat Boys and the Beach Boys, 1987
Final Score: Wipe 45, Going 14. The Boys continue to ride a wave, and their system of calling plays via beatboxing continues to be effective. Holliday and company are out in spite of their insistence otherwise, but we still love them.
THE WHO'S THE BOSS BOWL
"Yah Mo B There," James Ingram and Michael McDonald,1984
vs. "Bruce," Rick Springfield, 1984
Final Score: Bruce 35, Yah 11. Springfield’s finest were able to overcome Jimmy and Mike's divine inspiration by channeling their misidentification frustration. They left the field chanting "What’s our name?" The socially distanced crowd booed this. Or maybe they were saying something else.
THE WHY COVER JUST ONE SONG? BOWL
"Medley," Stars on 45, 1981
vs. "Hooked on Classics," The Royal Philharmonic, 1982
Final Score: Classics 35, Medley 28. The Classics' more varied playbook prevailed over the Stars' more limited repertoire. The losing coach was asked about the game afterward, but he had no reply.
THE WAY BACK WHEN BOWL
"Puttin' on the Ritz," Taco, 1983
vs. "Veronica," Elvis Costello, 1989
Final Score: Ritz 56, Veronica 17. Taco's side were better dressed, better prepared, and has better moves. There were moments when the Veronica team were dazzling, but those were few and far between.
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