Finally, the last bracket.
THE RACE IS ON BOWL
"Run for the Roses," Dan Fogelberg, 1982
vs. "Runner," Manfred Mann's Earth Band, 1984
Final Score: Roses 49, Runner 7. The Fogelberg squad had the horses to run free up and down the field. The Mann team hit a wall early, and limped to the finish. No roses for Dan's thoroughbreds yet, but they've come flying out of the gate.
THE QUIET BEATLE SPEAKS BOWL
"All Those Years Ago," George Harrison, 1981
vs. "When We was Fab," George Harrison, 1988
Final Score: Fab 20, Years 17. Both teams' playbooks contained a lot of formations that worked in the past, but the Fab lads used them a little more effectively, which literally gave them the extra kick at the end to win the game. But it was a friendly encounter, and both teams left the field together singing and talking of past glories.
THE DON'T TURN AROUND ANNIE BOWL
"Der Komissar," After the Fire, 1983
vs. "Smooth Criminal," Michael Jackson, 1989
Final Score: Criminal 28, Komissar 14. The Fire brigade came in with the challenge of having to interpret their playbook from the original German, and then they had to deal with the freak winter storm that hit just as the game kicked off. Both teams were slipping on the same snow, but the Criminals had better footwork than Jill, Joe, and the rest of the Komissars. There was some concern after the game when bloodstains were found on the carpet of the locker room Jackson's team were using, but as far as we know, they'll be okay to play their next game.
THE PLACES TO LIE DOWN BOWL
"Sleeping Bag," ZZ Top, 1985
vs. "Beds are Burning," Midnight Oil, 1988
Final Score: Burning 31, Sleeping 21. The Aussies were used to a different kind of football than the one they had to play against their Texan opponents, but they learned how to apply their physicality quickly, and were able to claim more overall territory and get the win. The losing Top team decided not to leave town that day, opting instead to camp on the field and sleep under the stars.
THE BETTY AND AL, ATTORNEYS AT LAW BOWL
"Lawyers in Love," Jackson Browne, 1983
vs. "You Can Call Me Al," Paul Simon, 1987
Final Score: Al 24, Lawyers 23. Both teams came in with a lot of questions? Were Simon's team too soft in the middle, and would their short attention spans be a factor? Would the Lawyers decision to wear tight, expensive denim uniforms and watch reruns of a 70s sitcom in lieu of film of their opponents pay off? The game was close until the end, when Browne's team was betrayed by their nature, arguing every call on the Als' final drive and making unfounded allegations that led to delay of game and unsportsmanlike conduct penalties that helped Simon's men walk in for the winning touchdown, to cries of "Amen!" and "Hallelujah!" from their fans.
THE RAPPIN' TO THE OLDIES BOWL
"Wipe Out," The Fat Boys featuring The Beach Boys, 1987
vs, "The Twist (Yo Twist)," The Fat Boys featuring Chubby Checker, 1988
Final Score: Wipe 48, Twist 31. Both teams used playbooks borrowed from successful teams of the past, but the Wipe Out squad added some new wrinkles and brought in some veterans to run a West Coast offense that, by the end of the game, left their opponents twisting in the wind. The Large and the Sandy ride a wave to the second round.
THE REACH OUT AND CALL HIS NAME BOWL
"Yah Mo B There," James Ingram and Michael McDonald, 1984
vs. "Kyrie," Mr. Mister, 1986
Final Score: Yah 34, Kyrie 3. In a contest of faith, the Ingram/McDonald combination seemed much more blessed on this day. After the game, there was speculation that the Misters were playing with a lot of injuries of the upper body variety, as their players were overheard talking about "broken wings" as they left the field.
THE ALL THE ORIGINAL HITS, NONE OF THE ORIGINAL STARS BOWL
"Medley," Stars on 45, 1981
vs. "Stars on 45 III: Stars on Stevie," Stars on 45, 1982
Final Score: Medley 45, Stevie 21. In another battle of teams using time tested playbooks, the Medley team prevailed by diversifying with pages from other teams. Also, the Stevie team were reportedly very superstitious, and came into the game uptight, which limited their ability to sign, seal, and deliver a victory.
THE BOATS AND BULLETS BOWL
"Twilight Zone," Golden Earring, 1983
vs. "Don't Pay the Ferryman," Chris De Burgh, 1983
Final Score: Ferryman 30, Twilight 17. As agreed upon by both teams, the game was played at 2 am. The Ferrymen won by taking more risks, even when voices in the crowd told them not to. The Twilight coaches grew tired of taking chances, and there's talk that the whole team will be dismissed with "extreme prejudice," whatever that means.
THE IN ANOTHER MAN'S SHADOW BOWL
"Leader of the Band," Dan Fogelberg, 1982
vs. "Bruce," Rick Springfield, 1984
Final Score: Bruce 35, Band 10. Rick's team took years of misidentification frustration out on the Leaders, who never believed they could play as well as their fathers did. The only hiccup on a successful night came when winning Coach Springfield walked out on the postgame press conference after the first question, "Bruce, your team just proved it all night. Will their hungry hearts be enough to lead them to more glory days?"
THE WHAT'S THAT OLD LADY'S STORY BOWL
"Veronica," Elvis Costello, 1989
vs. "Another Day in Paradise," Phil Collins, 1989
Final Score: Veronica 42, Paradise 13. The Veronica team prevailed with their carefree attitude, which they had in large part because their needs were well taken care of. The Paradise squad could not say the same, and it is feared that their players might be put back out on the street. Will Coach Collins do something about it, or just talk about how sad it is?
THE ORCHESTRAL MANOEUVERS ON THE CHART BOWL
"Hooked on Classics," The Royal Philharmonic, 1982
vs. "Hooked on Swing," Larry Elgart and His Manhattan Swing Orchestra, 1982
Final Score: Classics 48, Swing 20. The team from London got the best of their New York rivals with a deeper, more experienced roster and a more modern and uptempo approach to the game. By the 4th quarter, Elgart's side was no longer in the mood to put up much opposition.
THE BROADWAY BABIES BOWL
"And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," Jennifer Holliday, 1982
vs. "Memory," Barry Manilow, 1983
Final Score: Telling 55, Memory 14. The Holliday team's determination to stay in the tournament overwhelmed Manilow's veteran club, who just didn't have the cat-like reflexes they used to. Apparently there is a film of the Memory team's practices leading up to the game, but it has been enhanced with ridiculous-looking CGI effects that make it disturbing to watch.
THE TIN PAN ALLEY BOWL
"I Don't Want to Walk Without You," Barry Manilow, 1980
vs. "Puttin' On the Ritz," Taco, 1983
Final Score: Ritz 42, Walk 0. It was definitely a Taco night, as the Ritz boys dominated with their snappy uniforms and fancy footwork. After back to back losses, Barry must make the lonely stroll home.
THE THROWING A WRENCH IN THE STARMAKER MACHINERY BOWL
"Watching the Wheels," John Lennon, 1981
vs. "Pop Singer," John Mellencamp, 1989
Final Score: Pop 3, Wheels 0 (forfeit). The Wheels decided at the last minute to refuse the invitation to play. They said the didn't feel the need to get back in the spotlight and in front of a crowd, preferring calm domesticity instead. The Pop squad didn't seem enthusiastic about playing either, but they did show up, which on this day was enough.
THE GAME RECOGNIZING GAME BOWL
"Master Blaster (Jammin')," Stevie Wonder, 1980
vs. "Nightshift," The Commodores, 1985
Final Score: Blaster 17, Nightshift 10. In another battle of borrowed playbooks, the Wonder boys prevailed with better execution and a more positive attitude. The Commodores were able to sail away from the tournament singing proud.
So Round 1 is done. Watch this space for the podcast that kicks off round 2.
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