Remainder.
20 - “A Bi Ni Bi,” Izhar Cohen and Alphabeta
We are still in Eurovision season, and this song was Israel’s first winner. It’s disco-pop cheese whose verses are sung in English, while the chorus is “I love you” in Hebrew Pig Latin. On the better end of the competition’s earworms.
19 - “It Makes You Feel Like Dancin’,” Rose Royce
The fifth hit for the L.A, soul outfit was this superior disco-funk floor-filler. Big, thick, rump-shaking awesomeness. These guys could certainly hold their own in a funk-off with Earth, Wind and Fire. They would have to go though a car wash many times to get the stank off this,
18 - “Do It Do It Again,” Raffaella Carra
A native of Bologna, Carra was a popular sex symbol of Italian film, television and music throughout the 60s and 70s. Her one English hit was this disco-rhumba about chasing romance. A forgettable song sung adequately, and yet it brought me enjoyment because it brought to mind an idyllic, imaginary Rome where everyone is beautiful and they either drive convertible Ferraris or ride Vespas. I never realized that this appealed to me so much until recently. Writing this does more than exercise my typing fingers.
17 - “Ole Ola (Mulher Brasiliera),” Rod Stewart and the Scottish World Cup Squad ‘78
The second song we’ve encountered celebrating this year’s lone British representatives in the World Cup sees the team itself and their most famous fan. It’s a samba that contains the usual essentials: boasts of greatness, promises of victory, a recitation of the players’ names, a couple snatches of commentary describing triumphant moments. And it’s based on the song “Brazilian Woman” by Brazilian Jorge Ben Jor, in spite of the fact that the tournament was being played in Argentina. Anyway, Stewart sounds as awkward as you’d imagine doing a Latin dance number. And as I mentioned when I covered “Ally’s Tartan Army,” the Scots crashed out in the first round, though they finished on a high note, and proved that “Holland without Cruyff just ain’t the same,” by beating the eventual runners-up 3-2 in their last game.
16 - “Too Much Too Little Too Late,” Johnny Mathis and Deneice Williams
The veteran crooner and the soul up-and-comer struck gold with this sophisticated breakup duet. Top Five here, Top Ten in Canada, and #1 in America. I think Britain’s splitting of the difference was the right call.
15 - “(I’m Always Touched by Your) Presence Dear,” Blondie
The New Yorkers’ second hit here was this punk-meets-the Brill Building number about having a metaphysical connection with a lover, Debbie’s presence surely touched a lot of people in a lot of different ways, and I’m sure it still does. Hey Hollywood, if you’re looking for the next musical biopic subject, look this way. A great subject, a tumultuous time, and killer tunes. Plus Debbie has claimed that she was almost picked up by Ted Bundy once. As long as you don’t do something dumb like cast Taylor Swift, I’m there.
14 - “Jack and Jill,” Raydio
The biggest British hit for Ray Parker Jr.’s band was this funk-popper that claims Jack didn’t fall of the hill, he ran because Jill froze him and his pail of water out. Catchy tune, but I’m betting that Jill was getting better loving from Huey Lewis. No, I will not forget that lawsuit. Don’t like it? Who ya gonna call?
13 - “Hi Tension,” Hi Tension
The first of two hits for this North London band was this bit of flat disco-funk. They’re playing it, but they don’t sound like they’re feeling it. Not much electricity generated here.
12 - “Oh Carol,” Smokie
Here they are again, with this pub rocker about a hot girl. I’m sure there were (and maybe still are) people in Britain whose musical diet consists mostly of this and consists mostly of these guys and Status Quo. I imagine them as nice, boring people.
11 - “Come to Me,” Ruby Winters
The second and last hit here for the Cincinnati soul singer born Ruby Forehand was this sultry “I’m here if and when you need me, wink wink” ballad. Professional soul by an craftswoman. It would probably serve the same function as Colt .45 used to for Billy Dee Williams, only less creepily.
10 - “Ca Plane Pour Moi,” Plastic Bertrand
Plastic Bertrand was technically Belgian Roger Jouret, but his one big hit was actually performed by Dutchman Lou Deprijck. It’s infectious punk-pop, driven by guitar and saxophone, and featuring French lyrics about random things like cats, Chinese hair, and the singer’s desire for you to not touch his planet. And in the one English lyric, he claims to be “the king of the divan.” It was a hit all over Europe, and was so irresistible that it crashed through the language barrier into the U.S. Top Fifty. A classic. Strangely, I heard this after hearing a song that employed the identical backing track: “Jet Boy, Jet Girl,” a sexually frank tune by British band Elton Motello, many times on Toronto’s CFNY.
Even though the title of the Bertrand version translates to “It slides for me,” it’s nowhere near as dirty.
9 - “What a Waste,” Ian Dury and the Blockheads
The first hit for the irreverent Middlesex native and his band was this soul-punk track that posits that no matter what you choose to do with your life, you’re always going to question it at some point. He’s right, you know. But he says it much better than most.
8 - “More than a Woman,” Tavares
The fourth and final Top Ten for these Rhode Islanders was this cut from the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack that was a cover of the Bee Gees song that debuted on that same LP. These guys do it better than the Gibbs. No mean feat.
7 - “Because the Night,” The Patti Smith Group
The punk priestess’ poppiest moment was this fierce version of a Springsteen composition about lust and need in the dead of night. North America did good by getting it to #13, but the Brits heroically made it a Top Five. One of the great rock moments of the 70s, period.
6 - “You’re the One that I Want,” John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John
In the case of the climactic Grease duet, it was Canada who kept it one little chart position from the Triple Crown. I guess we didn’t feel Danny Zuko shaped up well enough, and to our glowing hearts we felt we must be true.
5 - “Love is in the Air,” John Paul Young
And it smells like disco cheese. And bizarrely, it was co-produce by George Young, who also was behind the boards for multiple albums by his brothers Malcolm and Angus’ band AC/DC. But no, John Paul is no relation. He was born in Scotland. But I’d love to hear what his take on “Whole Lotta Rosie” or “Big Balls” would sound like.
4 - “If I Can’t Have You,” Yvonne Elliman
More Gibb SNF magic, sung by the underrated Hawaiian. This is a British Triple Crown lock that really offends me. It doesn’t matter how I try, I’m still pissed off that they hoarded their jewel.
3 - “Night Fever,” The Bee Gees
This was the only one of their Fever hits to capture the Triple Crown, with Britain of course being the one to not give their assent. And when you listen closely, it really is the best overall song. The best tune, the funkiest groove, the most complete record. But it gets overwhelmed by the power of the chorus and bass line of “Staying Alive” in the collective memory.
2 - “The Boy From New York City,” Darts
The second of three #2s for the Brighton doo-wop outfit was this cover of the Ad-Libs 1965 ode to a girl’s tall, well-dressed, metropolitan boyfriend. I think they do quite well with it. Definitely better than the Manhattan Transfer did.
1 - “Rivers of Babylon/Brown Girl in the Ring,” Boney M
The M’s only non-Christmas #1 here was a double-sided, with the A being a cover of a reggae song incorporating Bible verses about Israelites lamenting their exile, and the B being a version of a song that accompanies a traditional Caribbean children’s game. I like both sides, but because I’ve heard it less, I find the B to be the sugar in the plum.
Next time it’s back to Canada. Join me in Raptorland then.
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