Concluding.
20 - “What am I Gonna Do (I’m So in Love with You)” Rod Stewart
Rod’s fifteenth Top Five was this pop-rocker on which he compares his lover to, among other things, international landmarks, music, weather phenomena, and “the goal that wins the game.” I’m assuming in the latter instance, Rod imagines himself as the one scoring. Probably more than imagines, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more.
19 - “Body Work,” Hot Streak
This electro-funk tune, complete with computerized voice effects, was this New Jersey outfit’s only major hit. Later, it was included on the soundtrack to the film Breakin’, which for some reason was retitled Breakdance in Britain. Very good for what it is.
18 - ‘Crushed by the Wheels of Industry,” Heaven 17
The third hit for the Sheffield synth stars was this deceptively peppy track about the infinite futility of working in a capitalist society. It’s a song that shows they could be as interestingly satirical as the work from which they derived their name, A Clockwork Orange.
17 - “Dear Prudence,” Siouxsie and the Banshees
Their only Top Five was this cover of a track from the Beatles “White Album” on which John Lennon, while in India meditating with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi along with his band mates and other celebrities, tries to convince Mia Farrow’s sister to come out of isolation and socialize. The original is sweet and sincere, and while Siouxsie seems genuine enough in her delivery, the band’s goth vibe adds kind of a sinister touch. Which is probably why I like it as much as I do.
16 - “Soul Inside,” Soft Cell
The penultimate hit of the Leeds duo’s original run was this tune on which Marc Almond seems to be trying to hang on while his life is spinning out of control. I think that’s it. North America really did miss out by ignoring them after “Tainted Love.”
15 - “This is Not a Love Song,” Public Image Ltd.
PiL’s biggest hit was this dissonant dance-rocker about trying to not sell out while making it look like you’re selling out. The fact that it went Top Five just adds another delicious level of meta.
14 - “Go Deh Yaka,” Monyaka
Apparently, there was a time when Brooklyn had a notable reggae scene, and it’s biggest product was this band, whose only hit was this poppy groove. Not sure what the lyrics are about, nor do I know why they felt it necessary to spell out their name multiple times. It’s decent enough.
13 - “Tahiti,” David Essex
Ten years after “Rock On,” Essex had his final Top Ten with this cheese-pop ode to a South Pacific island. By now, he was more Pat Boone than James Dean.
12 - “Blue Monday,” New Order
Their first Top Ten, and one of the standards of alternative rock. Dark, synth-and-bass driven dirgeyness about crumbling love. Bleakness never sounded so poppy.
11 - “Walking in the Rain,” Modern Romance
The final hit for the Blackpool popsters was this soul ballad about sympathizing with an ex’s breakup sadness. A much better song than I expected. Easily their best hit.
10 - “Ol’ Rag Blues,” Status Quo
Another one from the Quo. This one’s a pop-rocker about encouraging someone to move on with their life. The best part of it, I’m afraid, is an early reference in the lyrics to a much better song, The Who’s “Pictures of Lily.”
9 - “Chance,” Big Country
The Scots’ first Top Ten was this downer rocker about a woman who is doomed to a miserable life by marrying the wrong man. It’s okay, but how it charted nine places higher than the glorious “In a Big Country” is beyond me.
8 - “Big Apple,” Kajagoogoo
The last of the two non-“Too Shy” Top Tens from the boys from Leighton Buzzard was this New Waver about danger and intrigue in New York. It’s also their biggest hit without original singer Limahl. I like it quite a bit, and I’m not too shy to say so.
7 - “Dolce Vita,” Ryan Paris
The only major hit for Rome native Fabio Roscioli was this synth-dance trifle about idyllic romance, inspired by a certain iconic Federico Fellini film. There’s just so little to it that its appeal eludes me.
6 - ‘Mama,” Genesis
Though it fell short of the Top 40 in North America, this was the ‘Sis’ only Top Five at home. It’s an urgent, drum-machine-driven rock song about a young man with a fixation on an older prostitution. The sound evokes a dark lust, and Phil Collins’ vocals are suitably feverish and deranged. It’s more in line with their arty past than their poppy future. It has to be their best hit of the post-Gabriel era, by some distance.
5 - “Come Back and Stay,” Paul Young
The man from Luton had his second hit with this soulful plea for a lover’s return. Sticking to the basics suited him,
4 - “Tonight I Celebrate My Love,” Roberta Flack and Peabo Bryson
This goopy wedding ballad was most successful here, hitting #2. They’re good singers, but this isn’t close to Flack’s collaborations with Donny Hathaway
3 - “Modern Love,” David Bowie
Another Bowie classic. Thumping rock n’soul about struggling with the concept of God. It’s part of a mini-genre within his catalogue that started with ‘Young Americans.”
2 - “Red Red Wine,” UB40
The Neil Diamond cover that set their eventual direction, for better or worse. It took five years, but it eventually got a Triple Crown. And I think it deserves it. It doesn’t seem as formulaic as their later remakes.
And at the summit 35 years ago was...
1 - “Karma Chameleon,” Culture Club
The pinnacle of Boy George and co.’s career. A passionate takedown of duplicitous phonies, and certainly in the higher ranks of Triple Crown winners. It came, but it will not go.
Next time, it’s back to Canada. Be there.
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