Putting a bow on it.
20 - "Watching the Detectives," Elvis Costello
Costello's first hit was this reggae-rocker about a woman who would rather watch TV cop shows than engage with her lover. The sarcasm and cynicism we would grow to love were already in full force. This remains near the top of his catalogue to this day.
19 - "It's a Heartache," Bonnie Tyler
The country-rock classic was a Transatlantic Top Five. But Canada was wise enough to make it a #1. Even at the age of 7, I knew that was what it deserved.
18 - "Turn to Stone," Electric Light Orchestra
The first single, a typical-for-them big pop rocker about loneliness, didn't crack the Top Ten here or in America, but again, Canada made it a #1. I don't agree as strongly with my countrymen as with "It's a Heartache," but I definitely get it.
17 - "Live in Trouble," The Barron Knights
The satire meisters first Top Ten in over a decade features a parody of Leo Sayer's "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing" (about the state of Leo's trousers), a take on Brotherhood of Man's "Angelo," (about a couple who meet their end due to their love of motorcycles), and a spoof of The Floaters' "Float On" (containing cheesy jokes revolving around the original's Zodiac-based premise). Of its time.
16 - "Love's Unkind," Donna Summer
Though not a single at home, this became Donna's fourth Top Five here. It's kind of a hybrid of disco and 60s girl group pop, with lyrics about being overlooked by your crush in favor of your best friend. Pretty cool. There was definite artistry in the Summer/Moroder commercial machine.
15 - "Mary of the 4th Form," The Boomtown Rats
Geldof and the boys had their second hit about a schoolgirl who teases her teacher sexually. Like "Don't Stand So Close to Me," but that played more like a BBC drama, where this was like a 50s juvenile delinquent movie.
14 - "She's Not There," Santana
This bland cover of The Zombies' 1964 classic was only Carlos' second hit, and their biggest until 22 years later and the infamous "Smooth." Surprising.
13 - "Love of My Life," The Dooleys
The family outfit's second hit was this bit of disco sap. What it says it is, it isn't.
12 - "Put Your Love in Me," Hot Chocolate
Their seventh Top Ten was this excellent sex-funk jam. It will warm the areas the beverage they're named after can't.
11 - "Name of the Game," ABBA
Their fifth U.K. charttopper was this slick midtempo ballad about being shy and careful about entering a relationship. It's not among my top favorites, but I appreciate it more as time goes on.
Step into Top Ten, step all together.
10 - "Belfast," Boney M
The German pop entity decided that it was appropriate to tackle Northern Ireland's Troubles through the medium of disco. From this song, you'd learn that people are believing, and children are leaving. Brilliant political analysis. When they distorted the stories of American bank robbers and mad Russian monks, it was cheerily charming, When they tried commenting on contemporary events, it was just...baffling.
9 - "Egyptian Reggae," Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers
The second and biggest hit by the Massachusetts eccentric was this instrumental that sounds to these ears more like the theme to a spaghetti western than anything Egyptian or reggae. The clip-clop sounds evoke horses, and there's also some spur-like jangling. But regardless, it's great.
8- "Rockin' All Over the World," Status Quo
The Quo's found their signature tune when they covered this 1975 John Fogerty track about musical circumnavigation. It's the best kind of mindless fun.
7 - "We are the Champions," Queen
The ultimate song of rock triumph didn’t top any singles chart in the world, yet apparently a group of scientific researchers did a study that declared it the catchiest song in the history of pop music. Hard to argue with it.
6 - "Daddy Cool/The Girl Can't Help It," Darts
The first hit for the doo-wop revivalists was this medley of a 1957 song by The Ray's and a 1956 Little Richard number. Stick to the originals.
5 - "I Will," Ruby Winters
Cincinnati soul singer Winters had picked up a handful of R&B hits over the previous ten years, but then she scored a surprise hit here with a version of a thirteen-year-old song that had been a hit for Dean Martin in America and for Billy Fury here. Winters reveals the song's true blues nature.
4 - "Dancin' Party," Showaddywaddy
Leicester's retro reps reaches the Top Five for the sixth time with an original rave-up about a swinging bash. Spirited enough to be infectious.
3 - "How Deep is Your Love," Bee Gees
Yes, it was Britain that blocked the monster Saturday Night Fever ballad from a Triple Crown, only letting it get this high. Apparently, the depth of their adopted home's affection wasn't as big here as it was elsewhere at this time.
2 - "Floral Dance," Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band
This community-supported band from West Yorkshire got a surprise hit with an instrumental version of a tune from 1911 describing a ritual called the "Furry Dance," which is performing every May in Cornwall to celebrate the arrival of spring. It's a jaunty tune that evokes ye olden times, and I guess that sort of thing had an audience then, perhaps as a reaction to the "tear down the old" ethos of punk.
And 40 years ago, the top of the heap was occupied by:
1 - "Mull of Kintyre/Girls' School," Wings
McCartney's only home #1 of the Wings era was powered by the A-side, an ode to the beauty of the tip of a Scottish peninsula. It's driven by acoustic guitar and, of course, bagpipes. It's the kind of thing that I think you have to be British to really get. And get it they did, as it sold over 2 million copies and remains the best-selling non-charity single in U.K. history. The B-side, a rocker about naughtiness in an all-female educational institution, was a minor Top 40 in the States, and isn't very memorable at all. I doubt it accounted for much of the record-breaking sales figures.
The end, beautiful friends. I will have another December chart look coming soon, but in case it arrives late, Merry Christmas to all.
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