GATW: UKT40 October 28, 1978 Part One

Fall 1978.  Britain was about to experience a bakers' strike, which led to bakeries rationing bread to prevent panic buying.  There was no shortage of 45 rpm vinyl records, however, and these were the ones people were buying most.

40 - "Dreadlock Holiday," 10cc

Their third and last #1 was this bouncy tale of a tourist in Jamaica dealing with an attempted mugging and being offered drugs by trying to smonth things over with proclamations of love for cricket, reggae, and Jamaica itself.  Slick, smart, and singalongable, like they are at their best.

39 - "The Winker's Song (Misprint)," Ivor Biggun and the Red-Nosed Burglars

Comedian and musician Robert "Doc" Cox made several naughty comedy records under this suitably suggestive name.  Obviously he didn't get any radio play, but this ukulele-driven novelty about masturbation got as high as #22 when it was recommended by Johnny Rotten in an issue of the influential music publication New Musical Express.  It's not at all subtle; there's no pretending that the song is about anything else.  You know what your getting, so listen at your own risk.  And it seems very appropriate to give it this week's Uneasy Rider Award.  Just don't tell me what you do with it, Mr. Biggun.

38 - "Teenage Kicks," The Undertones 

The first and best-known hit for these Northern Irishmen is this power-pop blast of young lust.  It almost sounds like it's being sung through gritted teeth.  One of the best representations of the adolescent male libido in any artist form.

37 - "Hard Road," Black Sabbath 

Their last single of the first Ozzy era was this grinder about how life is hard, but there are good moments, so hang on in the times in between.  I think that's it.  Good song, but maybe only a 3 on the Headbangometer.  Oh, and I didn't rate "Paranoid" last time, but do I even need to say it's a 5?

36 - "Silver Machine," Hawkwind 

A reissue of their 1972 smash.  Still spacey Lemmy goodness.

35 - "Get it While You Can," The Olympic Runners 

There were no world-class athletes among these Britfunkers: they were named for the London studio where they first recorded.  The first of the three singles they scraped into the Top 40 was this boogie about taking advantage of opportunities.  It blends in, and not much more.

34 - "Summer Night City," ABBA

Their ninth Top Five was this whirly disco number about the appeal of hot urban evenings.  This is a track where you can hear how superior they were to imitators like Brotherhood of Man.  Only they could put white bread on a turntable and make it sound like something truly approaching funk.

33 - "Got to Get You Into My Life," Earth Wind and Fire 

EWF's authentically funky contribution to the soundtrack of the spectacularly failed Beatles tribute film Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band went Top Ten at home but only this high here.  Maybe it was because the country was offended by the desecration of their national treasures this was a part of, I don’t know.  If they had been more open-eared, it might have done better.  It deserved to.

32 - "Part-Time Love," Elton John 

Sir Elton's first hit with lyricist Gary Osborne was this flirtation with disco about one-night stands.  It's all right, but he was always better with Bernie.

31 - "Kiss You All Over," Exile 

#1 at home, #2 in Canada, #6 here.  That seems just.  It's this perfect little disco-rock come-on.  I would never lock it out of my musical rotation.

30 - "Fool (If You Think It's Over," Chris Rea

The Middlesbrough man's debut hit got to #12 across the pond, but only this high here.  I think America had it right.  Very good pop song about the fleetingness of heartbreak.

29 - "One for You, One for Me," Jonathan King

A bland disco effort by this guy who pops up a lot but turned out to be a creep.  Nothing to linger on.

28 - "Instant Replay," Dan Hartman 

The disco smash and only U.K. Top Ten for Edgar Winter's former bassist.  A very good genre representative.

27 - "Bicycle Race/Fat Bottomed Girls," Queen 

Their double-sided,interconnected disc about butts and the vehicles they sit on.  Two classic rock songs about two different kinds of exercise.

26 - "Respectable," The Rolling Stones 

Their last British hit of the decade was this balls-out rocker that may be about a trip to Washington which involves "talking heroin with the president" and finding a woman who's "the easiest lay on the White House lawn."  Apparently, this was the sound of them being influenced by punk, and it suited them.

25 - "Down at the Tube Station at Midnight," The Jam

The sixth hit for the Mod rockers was this tune about a man trying to get a late train home to his wife only to be robbed by skinhead hooligans.  It perfectly evokes the fear and helplessness of being in that situation.  I could make a case for it being their best song, easily.

24 - "A Rose Has to Die," The Dooleys

The third hit for this family pop group reinforces the point I made about ABBA above.  Acording to this, lies kill flowers.  It'd be kind of ironic if that was a lie, wouldn't it?

23 - "Grease," Frankie Valli 

Britain held this to #3, robbing Frankie of a Triple Crown.  That's okay.  And "Grease is the way we are feeling"?  That doesn't sound pleasant.  It sounds like you have a stomachache.

22 - "Brandy," The O'Jays 

The Philly soulsters with a ballad about sitting home alone hoping against hope for the return of a departed lover.  It's fantastic cry-in-your-cherry-soda music.  The discoveries keep piling up.

21 - "You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)," Sylvester 

The disco legend's only Top Ten.  One of the genre's standards.  A boogie tornado.

In Part Two: two easily-confused versions of the same song, a punk's second chapter, and some forgivably fractured history.