Bobby Goes Home: Canadian Top 50 July 17, 1982

So I'm taking a little detour here.  Because you may have asked yourself, "Glovehead keeps talking about how he's Canadian, but he only covers American and British charts.  Didn't Canada have charts back then, and if so, why doesn't he ever look at them?"  Well, there are three answers.  First, the American and British charts have a level of prestige that fascinates me, so I'm drawn to them more.  Secondly, the Canadian charts contain many of the same songs that the bigger one's do, so it's a lot of familiar ground.  And third, it was never easy to track down archived Canadian charts, certainly not as easy as their U.K. and U.S. counterparts.

However, I recently discovered a Canadian government archive containing pictures of the actual national charts from the now-defunct R.P.M. magazine from 1964 to 2000, and having gone through them, I've hit upon a way to cover historic charts from my homeland once a month.

So what I'm going to do is, I'm going to pick a week in the month we're in, look at the Canadian Top 50, and pick out songs from 50-11 that didn't make the U.S, or U.K. Top 40, or if they did, I can’t say for sure at this time I'll ever cover their appearances on those charts.  I'll also give special attention to qualifying songs that were also classified as "Canadian Content" or CanCon.  Those songs got that label because at least two of four main aspects of the song (Music, Artist, Production, Lyrics; arranged that way to form the so-Canadian acronym MAPL) were performed by Canadians.  We'll learn more about how that works as we go.  Then, I'll give a rundown of the Top Ten.  Simple, right?

So our first northern excursion takes us to July of 1982.  This month, Canada retired our first communications satellite, Anik 1.  Also, Karen Baldwin became the first Canuck to win the Miss Universe pageant.  Fortunately for her, this was long before Trump owned it.  And when we turned on our local AM pop stations, these are among the songs we heard.

49 - "No One Like You," Scorpions 

The German hard rock institution went to #1 on the American rock radio charts with this power semi-ballad, but it had more pop success north of the 49th Parallel. The ESL lyrics aren't as awkward as one might hope, but Klaus Meine's heavily accented delivery makes up for that.  Just behind "Rock You Like a Hurricane," among their big hits, but neither come close to 1980's U.K, #75, "The Zoo."

45 - "Foolin' Yourself," Aldo Nova (CanCon!)
Montreal guitarist Aldo Caparuscio went to #14 here and #23 in the States with debut single "Fantasy," but the follow-up was only a #65 down south, and content regulation probably are what pushed it into the Top 50 here.  It's just a rock love song, without the intriguing sleaze of its predecessor.  It reminds me of White Lion, but without whatever inscrutable magic that makes me like "Wait" so much.

40 - "Mega Force," 707
This Michigan band was a late signing to the infamous Casablanca Records, and managed an American #52 in 1980 with "I Could be Good for You."  Two years later, having followed their old label's honchos to start-up imprint Boardwalk, they found themselves rising into the twenties in Canada with the title song to a futuristic action film starring the guy who played Brad in The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  Generic pump-up 80s rock in the vein of Journey or Night Ranger. More like a microforce.

39 - "Too Many Times," Mental as Anything 
This band from Sydney, Australia formed in 1976, had their first hit at home three years later, and three years after that had a minor hit in Britain and Canada with this jaunty tune about trying to get over someone by overindulgence.  It's kind of cool, in a Lovin' Spoonful sort of way.

38 - "Standing on the Top," The Temptations featuring Rick James (CanCon!.
When I first saw the little CanCon symbol beside this song, I didn't get it.  I mean, James is from Buffalo and the Temps are from Detroit.  Do border cities count as Canada?  Actually, my best guess is that James qualified because of the years he spent in Toronto in the 60s avoiding deployment to Vietnam, during which he played with Neil Young in the band The Mynah Birds.  Anyway, the song's decent funk about fairweather friends, with a nice hat tip to P-Funk.   If it took rule stretching to make it a hit here, I'm okay with that.

33 - "Enough is Enough," April Wine (CanCon!)
From Montreal via the Maritimes, this band were a near-constant presence on Canadian pop radio for over a decade. Their 22nd Top 50 was this song about a girl.  And I'm not sure what else.  The lyrics talk of fleurs-de-lys, limousines, fights, movies, and trying to make it to showsay on time.  Doesn't matter, I suppose.  It's good hard rock with a singalong chorus.  That's enough.

32 - "Six Months in a Leaky Boat," Split Enz
From New Zealand, and featuring future Crowded House members Paul Heater and Neil and Tim Finn.  They're biggest international hit was 1980's "I Got You," but their biggest hit here was this Top Ten that compares Neil Finn's battle with depression to the voyage of the first white settlers of Australia and New Zealand from Britain.  It's just a fantastic pop song. Unfortunately, it wasn't a hit in the U.K. because radio stations there thought a song about a leaky boat was inappropriate for airplay while the British Navy was engaged in combat in the Falkland Islands.

21 - "Eyes of a Stranger," Payola$ (CanCon!)
Formed in Vancouver and led by Winnipeg-born Bob Rock and Yorkshire, England's Paul Hyde, this band had some success, but their most enduring moment is this New Waver about sensing deception in a lover.  It really deserved to be big in other places too.  There are rumors that American radio didn't want to play a band whose name was derived from their industry's biggest scandal.  Anyway, the band broke up in '86, Rock and Hyde continued as a duo for one album, then they went their separate ways, with Rock going on to produce many big records, including six Metallica albums, from the megaselling Black Album to the doomed St. Anger.  I've always hoped that someday Metallica would pay tribute to Rock by covering this.  I can just hear Hetfield: "You've got theeeIIIEEEEEEEEEES of a stran-JAH!"  Sadly, I don't have the power to make any artist anywhere record any song I want.  Which is also why you'll never here the awesome version of Radiohead's "Karma Police" that Macy Gray does in my head.

20 - "Dance Wit' Me," Rick James (Ummmm...CanCon.)
Rick benefits from our largesse again, this time with party funk in which he decides that "fire" rhymes with "shower,"  That doesn't even rhyme with the Canuck accent.  What was he thinking aboot, eh?

19 - "Your Daddy Don’t Know," Toronto (CanCon!)
Not gonna tell you where this band came from, but this was their biggest hit, a Top Five here that even made it to #77 down south. Fantastic rock song about a woman stepping out on her man.  Holly Woods is one of the unsung rock chick heroines of the decade.

12 - "Homosapien," Pete Shelley
Lancashire' Peter McNeish was a founder of punk legends The Buzzcocks, but for his first post-breakup solo record, he went in a synthpop direction on this song that pretty thinly veils a message celebrating gay relationships and making the case for their acceptance.  The U.K. banned it, and it didn't get far beyond dance clubs in America, but both Canada and Australia made it a Top Ten.  Yay us.  Beyond the message, it's a catchy, fun song.  And it makes history now by becoming Canada's first Uneasy Rider.

All you kids out there, watch this Top Ten.

10 - "The Other Woman," Ray Parker Jr,
Ray's solo debut was a Top Ten on both sides of the border.  But Australia made it a #1.  That hussy, giving him what he couldn't get at home.

9 - "Crimson and Clover," Joan Jett and the Blackhearts 
Joan covers the Shondells.  A Can-Am Top Ten, and deservedly so.

8 - "Going to a Go-Go," The Rolling Stones 
This live cover of a 1965 Miracles hit didn't even make the Top 20 in the U.S. or U.K., but we made it a Top Ten.  We're generous like that.

7 - "Rosanna," Toto
Not about Rosanna Arquette, has a complicated drum pattern, was a big hit, won a Grammy, I'd rather listen to "Africa."

6 - "Eye of the Tiger," Survivor 
The first Triple Crown #1 we've run across.  Not a surprise,

5 - "Hurts So Good," John Cougar
This was his first Top Ten at home, but here he'd already had one the year before with "Ain't Even Done With the Night."  And I like that song better.  Not that this isn't very good, but still.

4 - "Abracadabra," The Steve Miller Band 
#1 in the States, but it only got this high here.  It didn't "reach out and grab" us quite as tightly, I guess.

3 - "Body Language," Queen 
Another example of our generosity is how this one only went to #25 and #11 in Britain and America respectively, but we pushed it this high.  I guess we just liked synthpop Freddie better than those snobs.

2 - "Ebony and Ivory," Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder 
Another Triple Crown winner. Oh Lord, why can't those two geniuses have come up with a better song than this.


And at #1 in the Great White North 35 years ago was..

1 - "I've Never Been to Me," Charlene 
The piece of blecch that was resuscitated four years after it flopped, and should have stayed dead.  Backward, saccharine excrement.  And it was the good old U.S.A. that prevented it from the Triple Crown.  God Bless America.

So there's our first look at my country's musical history.  We'll be back to Britain next time, but we'll come back home once a month.  Bye for now.

GATW UKT40 July 18, 1998 Part Two

More more more, how do you like it?
20 - "Got the Feelin'," Five
Second of nine Top Fives for the homegrown boy band. A lot of very white rapping.  And that's about it.

19 - "Boys of Summer," Don Henley 
The ex-Eagle's rumination on love and aging hit #12 here in 1985, and on its re-release thirteen years later, it...hit #12 again.  Still his best solo number.

18 - "Be Careful," Sparkle featuring R. Kelly
The Chicago singer born Stephanie Edwards  had her biggest success duetting with mentor Kelly on this track on which a feuding couple air their grievances with each other.  It doesn' seem like there's a winner here.  Though you do tend to worry about anyone who adopts Mr. Kelly as a "mentor" more than Kelly himyself, for a number of reasons.

17 - "Gunman," 187 Lockdown 
The first of four hits for the London "speed garage" duo of Danny Harrison and Julian Jonah was this dance track.  Doesn't do much for me.  Old white man ears strike again.

16 - "Horny," Mousse T featuring Hot n' Juicy
The first hit for Turkish-German DJ Mustafa Gundogdu was this team up with a British singing duo that is about sexual desire, and features horns.  Clever.  And very fun,

15 - "Looking for Love," Karen Ramirez 
Londoner Ramirez had her first and biggest hit with a cover of a 1993 Everything but the Girl song about unexpected romance.  A very good song given a classy performance.

14 - "New Kind of Medicine," Ultra Naté
First of all, yes, that is the name this Maryland dance-pop singer was given at birth.  Her third hit was this number about finding someone to treat her right.   The lady was made for club tracks.

13 - "The Boy is Mine," Brandy and Monica
The romantic tug-of-war between two divas at the top of their game was a #1 at home, but fell one spot short here.  An unjustly denied transatlantic charttopper, if you ask me.

12 - "Cafe del Mar '98," Energy 52
The most successful of three chart runs for this German duo's trance track.  More of that blippy-bloopy stuff that I just don't get.  Do you actually need to take Ecstasy to get it?  If so, it's just never gonna happen for me.

11 - "Immortality," Celine Dion with The Bee Gees 
The Canadian pop queen's followup to "My Heart Will Go On," saw her teaming up with this song's composers, the Brothers Gibb.  It's a big ballad about destiny and time less love and all that.  Not my favorite moment from either, but still, it's what you'd expect.

Top Ten heading your way like Zidane to the Brazilian goal.

10 - "Mas Que Nada," Echobeatz 
Can't find info on the group, but the song was written by Brazilian Jorge Ben in 1963, and is apparently about dancing the samba.  It's familiar, it's sunny, it's nice.

9 - "Kiss the Girl," Peter Andre
The Aussie got his seventh Top Ten by covering a song from The Little Mermaid.  Don't care.

8 - "Because We Want To," Billie 
Our second Billie on this week's chart is Swindon native Leian Piper, who went right to the top with her first single, this dance-pop declaration of female agency.  An okay offshoot of the Spice Girls' sound and vibe.

7 - "Save Tonight," Eagle-Eye Cherry
Transatlantic Top Ten from Neneh's half-brother.  Still meh easy listening alternatives to me.

6 - "C'est La Vie," B*Witched
The Irish female quartet scored the first of four straight #1s with their debut, this playful flirting song.  It's catchy and charming enough to still hold up as a very good pop song, and there's a little Irish flavor in the backing track that makes it stand out even more.

5 - "Life is a Flower," Ace of Base 
The Swedes' fourth and final Top Five was this midtempo ballad of positivity with references to "Mr. Jailer," "Mr. Agony," and The Catcher in the Rye.  That kind of randomness cements their place in my heart.

4 - "You're the One That I Want," John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John 
A dance remix of the Grease hit for the film's 20th anniversary.  Wrong, but not awful.

3 - "Ghetto Supastar (That is What You Are)," Pras Michel featuring ODB and Mya
The third-string Fugee's only major hit came when he teamed up with Mya and the Wu-Tang Clan's Ol' Dirty Bast ardent on this song from the Warren Beatty movie Bulworth.  It's about the Gulf between the haves and have-nots.   It's good, but the most memorable parts are ODB's verses and Mya singing the hook to the tune of Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton's "Islands in the Stream."  Even on his own song, Pras is "the other guy."

2 - "Freak Me," Another Level
Another boy band.  This one had seven hits in two years, and a #1 in the form of this cover of a very libidinous 1993 U.S. charttopper by R&B group Silk.  Somehow, these guys don't sound as convincing singing about licking and whipped cream.  They just don't.

And at #1 a mere 19 years ago was...
1 - "Deeper Underground," Jamiroquai 
Jay Kay's only #1 was his contribution to the soundtrack of that year's version of Godzilla.  It's exuberant funk that seems to be sung from the monster's point of view ("I'm better off standing in the shadows, far from humans with guns.")  It's probably my favorite thing of his I've heard so far.

Done again.  I will be back soon, with a bit of a twist.  Intrigued?  I'd like to think so.

GATW: UKT40 July 18, 1998 Part One

Summer 1998.  Around this time, DVDs were introduced in Britain, with one of the first releases being Jumanji.  Who knew that in less than twenty years, the DVD format would be at death's door, and the world would be anticipating a new Jumanji movie starring a then-current member of the World Wrestling Federation's Nation of Domination.  And what was dominating the U.K. music scene?  Well...

40 - "Stranded," Lutricia McNeal 

American soul singer McNeal had most of her success in Europe, and the biggest of her four U.K. hits was this slick take-me-back tune.  Good song, very good voice.

39 - "Carnaval de Paris," Dario G 

This DJ from Crewe had seven hits, the second being this fun combination of samba, French music, and a musical theme similar to "My Darling Clementine," with some bagpipes thrown in.  It was inspired by that summer's World Cup in France.  Though the tournament was now over, it's influence lingered over this chart in more ways, as we shall see.

38 - "Say it Once," Ultra

This Buckinghamshire group may have played instrumentsome,  but they were still a boy band, as indicated by this bland effort.  Yes, bad rapping with an English accent is still bad rapping.

37 - "Vindaloo," Fat Les

This "band" was formed by Blur bassist Alex James, artist Damien Hirst, and comedian Keith Allen (father of future pop star Lily).  Together they created this unofficial anthem for England's 1998 World Cup effort, a nonsensical football chant featuring references to the titular curry dish, cheese, and knitting, as well as a boast that their team will do at least the minimum to win their games ("We're gonna score one more than you!")  In spite of this inspiration, England would crash out in the second round after Argentina was able to score one more than them in a penalty shootout. The song retains its strange charms, however, and gets this week's Uneasy Rider.

36 - "This is How We Party," S.O.A.P.

Malaysian-born Danish sisters Heidi and Saseline Sorenson had a few dance-pop hits at home, but their biggest success elsewhere came with this middling party jam.  Boy band material sung by girls, nothing more.

35 - "You'll Never Walk Alone," The 3 Tenors

In July of 1990, on the eve of the World Cup final, opera stars Jose Carreras, Placido Domingo, and Luciano Pavarotti performed a concert at the Baths of Caracalla in Rome to raise money to fight leukemia, which Carreras had recently recovered from.  The event was seen by millions around the world, and a recording of the show became the best-selling classical album of all time.  The success of the concert prompted them to repeat the performance at the following two World Cups, first in 1994 st Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles, then four years later in front of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.  The finale of the latter performance was this Rodgers and Hammerstein number from the musical Carousel which has since become the anthem of Liverpool FC.  It's a powerful, emotional song about overcoming adversity, but I wasn't sure what to make of this version, so I asked the opinion of my wife, who is not only a classically trained soprano but also someone for whom this song holds great meaning.  She thought it didn't work at all, as it wasn't written to be a showcase for voices like theirs.  And my opinion?  Yeah, what she said.  But I will give it an Uneasy Rider too.

34 - "Pavane," Wimbledon Choral Society 
More World Cup-related classical, in the form of an amateur choir from the section of London best known for tennis performing a piece by French composer Gabriel Faure that was used as a theme for BBC 's coverage of the tournament.   The lyrics are overheated poetry about the trials of romance, with imagery of "running dogs," and "tyrants of our hearts."  Of course, it sounds prettier in French.  Still, it gets the week's third Uneasy Rider.   I can do that.

33 - "Lost in Space," Lighthouse Family

The duo's fourth of five Top Tens was this bit of midtempo soul about needing someone.  It exists.

32 - "Three Lions '98," Baldiel and Skinner and the Lightning Seeds

An update of the collaboration's '96 #1, this time including references to that year's penalty heartbreak against Germany, and to the draw in Italy that clinched their appearance in France '98.  It went to #1 again, but I've already told you what happened in the tournament.

31 - "The Rockafeller Skank," Fatboy Slim

The first of what would be six Top Tens for ex-Housemartin Norman Cook was this combination of sampled beats, surf-style guitar, and a snatch of rap about "the funk soul brother."  There's was about a year where this song was ubiquitous in films and TV commercials, but removed from that, it holds up as an electronic masterpiece.

30 - "Angel," Massive Attack 

Seven years after "Unfinished Sympathy," the Bristol trip-hop trio had their eighth hit with this spacey track about a force that seems to bring love but might in fact be something more menacing.   Hauntingly fantastic.

29 - "How Do I Live," LeAnn Rimes

The Mississippi-born country-pop star got her first British Top Ten with this Diane Warren-penned treacle.  She's better than this.  But it was massive, so nuts to me.

28 - "Tell Me," Billie Myers

Coventry singer Myers debuted with "Kiss the Rain," which was a hit in both the U.K. and the U.S.  Her second, and unfortunately final, hit was this Indian-flavored ode to passionate sex.  It's pretty damn good, and evidence that she deserved a bigger career.

27 - "Intergalactic," Beastie Boys

The Boys' biggest Brit hit was this fun brag rhyme.  The beats are terrific, and my favorite line is probably "I'll stir fry you in my wok."  Among their best.

26 - "Dance the Night Away," The Mavericks 

This Miami band, led by Cuban-American singer Raul Malo, scored 6 Top 40 country singles, but they scored a surprise Top 5 here with this Latin-tinged number about being newly unattached and enjoying that freedom.  Very cool.

25 - "Rendez-Vous '98," Jean-Michel Jarre featuring Apollo 440

Another World Cup tie-in was this team-up between Jarre, best known for "Oxygene" and massive outdoor concerts, and a Liverpool electronic group.  It's a dance track that contains crowd noise and a bit of "La Marseillaise."  Very good, as these things go.

24 - "The Heart's Lone Desire," Matthew Marsden

From Walsall, Marsden is an actor whose credits include Black Hawk Down and the second Transformers movie.  He also had a couple hit songs, the first and biggest being this dance-rocker about how we are compelled to find a romantic partner.  It was much better than I imagined.

23 - "Can't Let Her Go," Boyz II Men

The Philly harmonizers' tenth and last U.K. hit was this uptempo track about a lady theyes can't live without.  I like it, probably because they have too many ballad hits for my taste.

22 - "I Think I'm Paranoid," Garbage

This group formed when three American producer/musicians (including Butch Vig, the man behind the boards on Nirvana's Nevermind) recruited Scottish singer Shirley Manson, formerly of the band's Goodbye Mr. McKenzie and Angelfish.  Their third of five Top Tens here was this dark rock tune about a relationship that seems to have an S&M tinge to it.  Good, but probably near the bottom of their singles to me.  I still tend to go for their early singles "Vow" and "Queer."

21 - "Life," Des'ree
London soul singer Desiree Weeks had her biggest success in the States with the 1994 Top Five "You Gotta Be."  She didn't hit the Top Ten at home, however, until this slick pop ditty about joyfully dealing with fears and superstitions which includes references to walking under ladders, hot air ballooning, and bungee jumping.  Apparently, respondents to a BBC poll once voted it the worst pop lyric ever.  It is a bit cheesy in places, but I'm ultimately charmed.  There are many worse offenders.

In Part Two:  randiness, eternal life, and repuposed Kenny and Dolly.

GATW: UKT40 July 1, 1989 Part Two

Making up the numbers.

20 - "Pop Musik '89," M
A remix of Robin Scott's U.K. #2 and American #1 from ten years earlier. The same basic sound, but with slicker production.  I don't mind it so much.

19 - "London Nights," London Boys
A Brit and a Jamaican based in Germany, this duo scored three late-80s hits, the biggest being this dance tune pitched somewhere between Depeche Mode, Erasure, and Stock/Aitken/Waterman.  The boys kept on into the 90s, but sadly, they died together in a car accident in Austria in 1996.

18 - "Atomic City," Holly Johnson
Born William Johnson in Liverpool in 1960, this singer found fame in the mid-80s fronting the outrageous Frankie Goes to Hollywood.  After the group's breakup and a successful lawsuit to get out of his old recording contract, Johnson returned with a solo album that went to #1 and produced three hits, the last being this synth-dance outing about partying while the world is crumbling around you.  A fun little Frankie flashback.  His music career went downhill after this, but he then reestablished himself as a painter of some note.

17 - "In a Lifetime," Clannad
This Irish folk group consisting of three Brennan siblings and two of their uncles from County Donegal started in the seventies and had their biggest success in the following decade.  The second of their two hits was reissued this year, and thus returned to the Top 40.  It's a pop ballad about braving the trials of life.  Not bad, not great.  And yes, that's Bono adding lead and backing vocals. This was several years after a fourth Brennan sibling, Enya, briefly joined and left the group.  She has gone on to quite a bit of success on her own.

16 - "Pink Sunshine," Fuzzbox 
Formed in 1985 as We've Got a Fuzzbox and We're Going to Use It!, these four ladies from Birmingham picked up four late-80s hits, the third being this poppy rocker about the ups and downs of love expressed with phrases like "Blue Jean Hamlets" and "Gun Metal Sunrise."  Imagine a Bananarama/ Go-Gos collision and you've got it.

15 - "Express Yourself," Madonna "
Transatlantic Top Five for Madge.  Catchy dance-pop about the importance of emotional fulfilment over the material kind.  Yes, Lady Gaga kind of ripped it for "Born This Way," but she actually did it justice.

14 - "The Best of Me," Cliff Richard 
Sir Cliff was still going strong, enough that this was his 100th single.  It's a ballad about saving yourself for your one true love.  David Foster wrote it.  Meh.  Well, at least now he's got the sort-of-related-to-Kylie Jenner thing going, which is nice.  And the money.  Lots and lots of money.

13 - "Breakthru," Queen 
Their last Top Ten of the decade was this speedy rocker about trying to make one's feelings known to a lover.  Very good.  And notable for the fact that in the video, the band performs the song on a moving steam train.

12 - "Sweet Child o' Mine," Guns n' Roses 
The Gunners breakthrough American hit didn't chart here until a year later, after it was re-released on the back of other hits.  It's still the rock touchstone it's always been.

11 - "Just Keep Rockin'," Double Trouble and Rebel MC
The first of three hits for this production team/rapper combo was this okay party track.  Kind of a British version of Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock's "It Takes Two."

Top Ten what?

10 - "Joy and Pain," Donna Allen
This ex-Tampa Bay Buccaneers cheerleader had one American hit with 1986's "Serious," but here she would have that and three more, the biggest of all being this cover of a 1980 song by Frankie Beverly and Maze.  The same song whose hook was borrowed for a song of the same name by...Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock!  Wow, two references to them.  And this song's okay too.

9 - "It is Time to Get Funky," D Mob 
The second of five hits for this house group led by Staffordshire producer Daniel "Dancin' Danny D" Poku.  Again, it seems more melodic and fun than some of the more repetitive stuff that would come as the genre progressed.

8 - "License to Kill," Gladys Knight 
Gladys's biggest U.K. solo hit was this theme to Timothy Dalton's second and last Bond film.  Big ballad about romantic possessiveness.  It has that epic Bond feel, possibly because it borrowed so much from "Goldfinger," that that song's writers got royalties from this one.

7 - "I Drove All Night," Cyndi Lauper 
Cyndi's third British Top Ten was this pop-rocker about taking a road trip for a booty call.  Her charisma elevates it.  Roy Orbison did the same.  Celine Dion, not so much.

6 - "Right Back Where We Started From," Sinitta 
Seattle-born Sinitta Malone has lived most of her life in Britain, and she has had much of her success there, scoring nine Top 40s. The last of her three Top Fives was this cover of Maxine Nightingale's 1975 disco classic.  Limp and unnecessary, but more because of production than Sinitta herself.

5 - "Sealed With a Kiss," Jason Donovan 
Like Kylie Minogue, Aussie Donovan became a major star on the soap opera Neighbours  (their characters even married each other).  Also like Kylie, he left the show to become a pop singer under the Stock/Aitken/Waterman machine.  And while his run hasn't been as long, he did score four #1s, the third being this cover of BrIan Hyland's 1962 hit about pledging to write a high school sweetheart during their summer separation.  Even more pointless than Sinitta's effort.  I hear nothing interesting in his performance here.

4 - "All I Want is You," U2
The Irish crew picked up their tenth Top Ten here with this epic devotion ballad.  It's them doing what they do best, before pretension had completely swallowed them.

3 - "Song for Whoever," The Beautiful South 
The group formed by Paul Heaton and Dave Hemingway post-Housemartins had their first hit with this cleverly deceptive ballad about a songwriter who gets his material from getting into relationships and breaking them up.  Some might say this should now be known as "the Taylor Swift method."  Not saying I would, but some might.  This is known as "the Fox News technique."  Anyway, this song is fantastic, and would be right up there with Public Enemy on that list I mentioned last time.

2 - "Batdance," Prince
Mr. Nelson's schizoid funk mishmash from the Tim Burton-Michael Keaton-Jack Nicholson flick that opened the superhero floodgates for good.  Imagine if Prince had still been around to do something like this for Wonder Woman.  I'm not sure if it would be good, but I'd have loved to hear it.  Anyway, this is an Uneasy Rider, always and forever.

And on top over there a mere 28 years ago was...

1 - "Back to Life," Soul II Soul
The London soul-dance ensemble's only charttopper out of thirteen hits was this catchy track about moving forward in life.  It's fine, but I will always like "Keep On Movin'", several thousand times better.

Done again, only to start anew.  I am Sisyphus, just with a different kind of rock.  See you soon.

GATW: UKT40 July 1, 1989 Part One

Early summer 1989.  It seemed to be a period of protests, riots, and strikes.  That seems to be a theme of the Thatcher years.  And these were the sounds Britons turned to for distraction.


40 - "Voodoo Ray," A Guy Called Gerald
The first and biggest success for Manchester DJ Gerald Simpson was this hypnotic house track featuring samples from a comedy album by Peter Cook and Dudley Moore. I find the early examples of this genre the most interesting, and this is case in point.

39 - "Looking for a Love," Joyce Sims
The,last of five U.K. hits for this Rochester, New York singer was this better-than-average soul-dance tune about searching for affection that is "free from all man-made obstacles."  The flute was a nice touch.

38 - "You'll Never Stop Me Loving You," Sonia 
This Liverpool singer was 18 when she hit #1 with her debut single, this dance-pop anthem of romantic persistence crafted by the Stock/Aitken/Waterman production team.  Meh.  Might have been better if SAW regular Kylie Minogue had done it.

37 - "Grandpa's Party," Monie Love
Another teenager, London rapper Simone Gooden was about to turn 19 when her second of 11 Top 40s was in the charts.  It's a house-flavored jam about a fun-yet-fun-yet-concscious celebration with a pretty cool grandparent.  Some good stuff from one of the first major hip-hop artists from Britain.

36 - "Gatecrashing," Living in a Box 
The penultimate Top 40 for these soft-funkers was this song about making your own adventure. I think that's it.  I actually like this better than their eponymous hit.  They do better when they leave the box, apparently.

35 - "Hand on Your Heart," Kylie Minogue 
And speaking of Kylie, here is the Austin soap-turned-pop star with her third #1, a SAW concoction about needing to be convinced that a relationship is ending.  You can hear some of the spark that would go on to make her more that just an interchangeable component of a hit machine.

34 - "I Won't Back Down," Tom Petty
This was the Florida rocker's highest charating hit here, with or without the Heartbreakers.  And it only made it to # 28.  Bit of a shame, but I can chalk it up to cultural differences.

33 - "Cry," Waterfront
The only major hit for this Welsh duo was this midtempo pop track about a relationship that cannot be.  It was actually a bigger hit in America than it was here.  A win for the Brits, who apparently had slightly less appetite for warmed-over Wham.

32 - "Funky Cold Medina," Tone Loc
L.A. rapper Anthony Smith broke through this year with two sexually charged hits that went Top Five in the States, but were a little less successful here.  "Wild Thing" went to #21, and this tale of the perils of using the titular aphrodisiac made it to #13.  This is probably the one I like better, because the charming, gravel-voiced cad gets his comeuppance.  His music career went nowhere after this, but he has acted some since, in the process appearing in two separate movies about specialty detectives designed to make comedians major movie stars.  One, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, worked for Jim Carrey.  The other, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, didn't for Andrew Dice Clay.

31 - "Waltz Darling," Malcolm McLaren and the Bootzilla Orchestra 
After his adventures in band management, the eccentric impresario decided to make his own records, often incorporating street culture and the emerging hip-hop scene.  This got him six Top 40s, the fifth being this collaboration with musicians led by P-Funk bassist Bootsy Collins. It's of-its-time dance funk that contrasts the tradition and etiquette of the Waltz with the looseness of modern dancing.  It's pretty good, but he has more interesting stuff.

30 - "Fight the Power," Public Enemy
Carlton "Chuck D" Ridenhour and William "Flavor Flav" Drayton met in university on Long Island, and together with DJ Norman "Terminator X" Rogers formed a group that brought social consciousness and righteous anger to a whole new level in hip-hop.  They had become critically acclaimed and controversial underground stars at home and had picked up three hit singles here when they released this contribution to the soundtrack of Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing.  It's a 1000 megaton bomb of a song that rails against white supremacy and for black empowerment.  It was perfect for the film, perfect for the moment, and perfect for life in general.  It would definitely be in my Top Ten of British 80s Top 40s.

29 - "Manchild," Neneh Cherry
The Swedish-born hip-hop soulster's second U.K. Top Five was this midtempo track encouraging an immature male to grow up and go out and get the things he wants out of life.  More proof that she was one of the artists who promised to flourish in the 90s.  She had several U.K. Top 40s then, but I would have expected much more than that.

28 - "The Only One," Transvision Vamp
Fronted by singer Wendy James, these London pop punks had seven hits, the fourth being this peppy devotion tune.  Catchy, and James sounds like a cross between Debbie Harry and Joan Jett.  But I've heard better from them.

27 - "Cruel Summer '89," Bananarama
A new version of their 1983 hit, redone in a New Jack Swing style and with new recruit Jacquie O'Sullivan, who joined when Siobahn Fahey left to join Shakespear's Sister.  Not necessary to anyone outside of the group or their handlers.

26 - "Til I Loved You," Jennifer Rush and Placido Domingo
American Rush had gone to #1 with the original version of future Celine Dion staple "The Power of Love," but only found the Top 40 again teaming up with Mexican-raised opera star Domingo on this overblown ballad from an unproduced musical about Spanish painter Francisco Goya.  The previous year, it had reached #25 in the  U.S. as performed by Barbra Streisand and then-flame Don Johnson.  I'd say this is the better one.  No prizes for guessing my reasoning.

25 - "Superwoman," Karyn White
The biggest U.K. hit for this L.A. singer was this ballad about a woman who is tired of being expected to be her man's doormat.  A strong, defiant performance.

24 - "I Live for Your Love," Natalie Cole 
Nat's daughter had her bigger British success when she went to #2 with this plea for reconciliation.  All right.

23 - "Be With You," Bangles
Their follow-up to the transatlantic #1 "Eternal Flame" was this power pop declaration of romantic intent.  Pedestrian by their standards.  Soon after they would break up for ten years, and this is evidence that the break was needed.

22 - "Patience," Guns n' Roses 
G n' R's third Top Ten here was their acoustic ballad possibly based on one or more of the band members' troubled romantic relationships.  They had many moments when they effectively blended gritty and beauty, but this time they didn’t bother with the gritty and still showed they could get to the heart.

21 - "I Don't Wanna Get Hurt," Donna Summer 
The Disco Queen had made a comeback earlier in the year with "This Time I Know It's For Real," a Stock/Aitken/Waterman production that returned her to the U.S, Top Ten for the first time in seven years, and the British Top Ten for the first time in ten.  Here, she followed up with another one in the form of this song about romantic reluctance that sounds like most of its creators' other concoctionsongs. But I'd never even think of replacing Donna with Kylie.

In Part Two: Bond, bats, and a tune that could be about anyone.