First of all, it has come to my attention that I missed some of the songs I, er, missed from '80-'82. Let's clean that up right now.
July 12, 1980
25 - "The Empire Strikes Back (Medley)," Meco
Meco's second Star Wars-themed hit marked his second and final appearance in the Top 20. The usual discofication of the music, with added sound effects of lasers, lightsabers, Chewbacca, and R2D2. An interesting relic of its time.
34 - "Walks Like a Lady," Journey
The band's third Top 40 is this uncharacteristically jazzy strut with lyrics that are along the same lines as Bob Dylan's "Just Like a Woman." A cool little detour from big bold rock.
January 10, 1981
24 - "One Step Closer," The Doobie Brothers
The group's last hit with Michael McDonald was this tepid bit of MOR jazz-pop on which he shares lead vocals with saxophonist Cornelius Bumpus. Now that is a fantastic name, and easily the coolest thing I found looking this song up.
August 1, 1981
37 - "Don't Want to Wait Anymore," The Tubes
The first of two Top 40s by these San Francisco new wavers is a ballad about really desperately wanting to have sex with a woman, asking her to imagine them being the last two people on Earth, trapped in a frozen wasteland where they have to "make love to survive." The weirdest thing about it is it sounds much more like an 80s Chicago ballad that a song by the group that gave the world "White Punks on Dope" and "Don't Touch Me There." Oddly charming.
40 - "You're My Girl," Franke and the Knockouts
The middle hit by Mr. Previte and co. is uninspired, uninspiring corporate rock. Background music, at best.
June 12, 1982
10 - "It's Gonna Take a Miracle," Deneice Williams
The second solo hit for this native of Gary, Indiana was this cover of a 1965 R&B hit by The Royalettes. Silky soul about not being able to get over someone, co-produced by Philly soul legend Thom Bell. Good stuff, and I prefer it by a large margin over "Let's Hear It for the Boy."
Now that that's cleared up, let's move ahead.
February 26, 1983
33 - "The Woman in Me," Donna Summer
Donna's post-disco struggles continued with this seductive, breathless, pop ballad. It didn't get any higher than this, but I think it should have. She still sounded good on the radio, trends aside.
35 - "I'm Alive," Neil Diamond
Neil's last Top 40 to date was this pop-rocker that contrasts the harsh realities of life with the good things like flowers and babies, concluding that all in all, it's good to be breathing. Unabashed positivity, and far from an embarrassing way to go out, like his penultimate Top 40, "Heartlight," would have been.
36 - "The Clapping Song," Pia Zadora
One of the biggest punchlines of the early 80s, Zadora was born in Hoboken, New Jersey, and as a child appeared on Broadway and in the B-movie Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. In 1972, at the age of 18, she met 50-year-old Israeli businessman Meshulam Riklis. The couple married five years later, and Riklis then began using his considerable wealth to try and make Zadora an international star. In 1982, he financed her starring debut, Butterfly, which also featured among its cast Orson Welles and Ed McMahon. The movie bombed and was loathed by critics, but Zadora won a Golden Globe award for Best Female Newcomer for her performance. However, most believe that it was Riklis' extensive wining and dining of the Hollwood Foreign Press Asscociation that netted her the prize more than her acting. Shortly after that fiasco, Zadora appeared on the pop charts with this cover of a 1965 novelty hit by Shirley Ellis whose lyrics involve the death by misadventure of an alcoholic goose and a tobacco-abusing monkey, a girl who is denied a doll by her mother because she kissed a member of the military, and of course, clapping. I haven't heard Ellis' version, but as for this one...I wouldn't be at all surprised if there were financial enticements to DJs required to scrape it into the Top 40. I don't know this, of course, but listening to it...not good. Mediocre vocals over mediocre funk. Zadora's film career continued later in this year with The Lonely Lady, but its results were even more disastrous than Butterfly's, and her movie star dreams were dead. She's made some attempts at returns to recording, Broadway, and cabaret in the years since. She still never became a big star. but she divorced Riklis in 1993, and I imagine she's living pretty comfortably. Plus no one can take that Golden Globe away. But she didn't get the People's Global Golden Choice Award, losing out on that one to a real talent: Skip Bittman.
38 - "Tied Up," Olivia Newton-John
ONJ's penultimate Top 40 isn't as kinky as it sounds. It's just lite-funk about trying to figure out where a relationship stands. It's not bad, really. That voice can make me forgive a lot. And it's hard not to like a song with a flute solo.
40 - "Don't Tell Me You Love Me," Night Ranger
The San Francisco hard rock combo's first major hit is a sped-up rocker about not wanting a relationship to be more than physical. Arena-ready guitar soloing and keyboard flourishes abound. Brainless fun.
May 7, 1983
12 - "Even Now," Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band
Our old friends the Styx of Detroit picked up another of their hits with this okay pop-rocker about a woman who remains his raison d'etre after all this time. He's done better, he's done worse.
15 - "Photograph," Def Leppard
The Sheffield pop-metallers made their American breakthrough with this song about lusting after a celebrity. The video features a Marilyn Monroe impersonator, but singer Joe Elliott has said that he wasn't writing about her specifically. No matter. A fantastic pop song, and the best thing they've done.
16 - "Rio," Duran Duran
The Brit heartthrobs' second American hit was this fluttery synthpop number about a hot lady whose name means "river" in Spanish. I'm not sure she could acually "dance across the Rio Grande," but no big deal. More good good pop from these boys.
22 - "Mornin'," Al Jarreau
The Milwaukee-born jazz singer's second pop hit was this airy number that makes it clear that he's an AM person, as he sings morning greetings to his radio, his bowl of cereal, a bird, a bridge, and the man who shines his shoes. Myself, I've always find it hard to get started before 11, so this song doesn't really jibe with me. But the animated video is kinda cool.
24 - "Welcome to Heartlight," Kenny Loggins
Unlike the similarly-titled Neil Diamond hit, this song has nothing to do with E.T. Rather, it's a pop-rocker about a peaceful, beautiful place. It's okay as Kenny's non-movie songs go, but the slight island accent he affects on this doesn't do much for me.
25 - "It Might Be You," Stephen Bishop
San Diego singer-songwriter Bishop's last Top 40 hit was this ballad about finding love at last that came from Tootsie, the movie where Dustin Hoffman dresses in drag to get a part on a soap opera. That's a movie I'm not so embarrassed to say I saw in a theater. As for the song, though, it's sappy dreck. I'd much rather hear "On and On,"
26 - "Some Kind of Friend," Barry Manilow
The Man(ilow)'s next-to-last Top 40 was this sees him trying to keep up with the times with drum machines and synthesizers on a song about a relationship with a woman who only wants him for his money. I think that's it. Actually, he doesn't embarrass himself, but still, this isn't Barry in his natural habitat.
29 - "Stranger in My House," Ronnie Milsap
The country star's last pop hit was this dark, bluesy tune about suspecting a lover of stepping out on him. Apparently, some country stations didn't play this because the guitar solo sounded "too rock," and that's why it didn't go to #1 on that chart. Their loss, because it's the best thing I've heard from him.
30 - "So Wrong," Patrick Simmons
The once-and-future Doobie Brother had his only American solo hit with this fair bit of funk-pop about starcrossed lovers. The funny thing is, I have no problem imagining Michael McDonald singing this.
35 - "I Couldn't Say No," Robert Ellis Orrall with Carlene Carter
Orrall, a Boston-area singer-songwriter, and Carter, the daughter of country singer June Carter and her first husband, both made their only pop chart appearances with this cool little duet about romantic tribulation. It's kind of new-wave/rootsy power-pop. I like it a lot. Both Orrall and Carter went on to have country hits in the 90s, and in 2006, Orrall co-wrote one song and produced other tracks for the debut album by one Taylor Swift.
39 - "Whirly Girl," Oxo
Angel Ledesma, formerly of the two-hit disco band Foxy, formed a new group in the early 80s, and managed one minor hit with this boisterous pop number about a girl who really gets around ("She's been with the Rolling Stones, on their tours and in their homes.") Fun, frivolous, fantastic.
40 - "Gimme All Your Lovin'," ZZ Top
The first of the band's Eliminator hits was this grinding sex boogie. But of course, it was all about the video. In it, a young man is working at a gas station on a long stretch of desert highway when three hot women pull up in that distinctive red 1933 Ford. After they fill up and get refreshments, they are about to leave when all of a sudden, the band appears, and they toss him a set of keys hooked to a silver "ZZ" keychain. He shows it to the women, and they let him into their car and take him for a ride (read into that what you will). Later, they return to the gas station and let him out. But then we find out that it was all a dream...or was it? When he awakens, he finds the keychain next to him, and then a familiar old car speeds by. So of course, the kid hops in his truck and follows. We never find out if he catches it. And somehow, this is what began ZZ Top's rise to multiplatinum superstardom.
July 9, 1983
36 - "White Wedding," Billy Idol
The U.K. punk-popster's second American hit that's about...well, some kind of nuptial ceremony. But Billy makes it sound so sinister, and the frequent use of the word "shotgun" indicate that it might not be exactly a fairytale romance being celebrated. Even though it only made it as high as its position this week, it's one of his best-remembered hits, and one of his best period.
February 4, 1984
19 - "Wrapped Around Your Finger," The Police
The band's final American hit was this pop-rock tune about how Sting feels he is manipulating the person who thinks he or she is manipulating him. Of course, he's all obtuse and literary about it, but that's Sting. And at this point in time, he was making that work.
22 - "Nobody Told Me," John Lennon
Just over three years after his death, Milk and Honey, an album of recordings that Lennon and Yoko Ono were working on for the follow-up to Double Fantasy, was released. The first single, and biggest hit, from the album was this loose rocker with silly yet possibly profound lyrics. Apparently, this was originally written for Ringo, but in the end, I'm glad it remained John's, and provided a bittersweet coda to his pop career.
29 - "New Moon on Monday," Duran Duran
The Duranies again, this time with a slinky bit of new wave funk. The lyrics are pretty inscrutable, with mentions of lizard mixtures and lonely satellites. But they're pretty irrelevant, because the song grooves along amaziingly. Possibly my favorite song of theirs.
33 - "Nightbird," Stevie Nicks
Stevie's seventh hit without Fleetwood Mac is the kind of airy, floaty pop-rock she's known for. So much so that one imagines that a "Stevie Nicks Song Generator" could have come up with it. That doesn't make it bad, just...typical, I guess.
35 - "Bang Your Head (Metal Health)," Quiet Riot
These guys' second and last Top 40 was this ode to violently moving one's cranium to and fro using the neck. My brother used to do this quite a bit at concerts, and he says yes, it can cause aches and pains afterward. But you must make sacrifices for The Metal. Anyway, okay song, and nice to see they managed a hit without having to cover Slade.
36 - "This Woman," Kenny Rogers
Kenny's last solo pop hit was this Barry Gibb co-written tune on which he tells his ex how good he's got it with his new lover. Barry's backup vocals are instantly recognizable. Not country at all, but a decent enough pop song.
38 - "The Dream (Hold On to Your Dream)," Irene Cara
Cara's next-to-last hit was this inspirational dance-popper from D.C. Cab, a movie about Washington taxi drivers that featured Mr. T. and Gary Busey. Neither are very well-remembered, and I can't say that's an injustice of any kind.
March 31, 1984
27 - "New Song," Howard Jones
Jones' first hit was bouncy synthpop tune about looking at the world through different perspectives and "throw(ing) off your mental chains." I don't think many people will still admit to liking his stuff, but I think he was an underrated figure in 80s pop.
31 - "Let's Stay Together," Tina Turner
The seeds for Tina's 80s comeback were first sown when she appeared on a cover of The Temptations' "Ball of Confusion" by the British production team B.E.F. This led to a deal with Capitol records for a single, which turned out to be this B.E.F.-produced version of Al Green's 1971 charttopper. Turner gives a powerful performance that didn't make anyone forget Al, but still showed she still had the goods. The single only reached #26 in the U.S., but it was a U.K. Top Ten, and that convinced the label to let her do a whole album. And the rest is history.
June 9, 1984
26 - "Magic," The Cars
The second single from the band's Heartbeat City LP was this summery pop-rocker about the power of love and stuff. Just good catchy stuff, nothing more, nothing less.
31 - "Dance Hall Days," Wang Chung
The second American hit by these Brit New Wavers was this catchy tune that instructs you to take your partner by various body parts and do things to them. I don't think this was meant to start a dance craze. I should hope they weren't looking forward to people grabbing each other's ears and sticking jewelry in each other's facial orifices. Although who knows, maybe they were creepy that way.
32 - "Doctor! Doctor!" Thompson Twins
The unrelated three-person "twins" had their third American hit with this slow burner about how falling in love can feel like a fever. I might actually like this better than "Hold Me Now," "Lies," or anything else they've done. There's a hypnotic quality to it.
33 - "What is Love," Howard Jones
Jones' follow-up to "New Song" was this synthpop track that questions of the nature of romantic love. I probably have it #2 for him behind "No One is to Blame."
35 - "No Way Out," Jefferson Starship
The last hit this band had before dropping the "Jefferson" was this rock tune about trying to get away with straying in a relationship. I think that's it. Actually, it's a good song for them. Don't ask me to explain the video, though. A mustachioed Mickey Thomas enters a weird house where Grace Slick is some kind of bizarre variation of a nun, and then he goes to confession with Father Guido Sarducci, and then another mustachioed guy is lying in bed curling a barbell in front of a dancing Asian woman. It's art, I guess.
37 - "Whisper to a Scream (Birds Fly)," The Icicle Works
This Liverpool band's only major hit is this shimmering, stomping New Wave number that seems to be about how people are looking for direction in life. Regardless, it's one of those songs that's probably better remembered than many bigger hits, and deservedly so.
39 - "Don't Walk Away," Rick Springfield
The third hit from the Hard to Hold soundtrack is this power ballad about trying to convince someone you love them in spite of their faults and failings. It's okay, but the saxophone is more distracting than enhancing. That happened a lot in the 80s.
40 - "Music Time," Styx
The Bob Seger of Chicago's last 80s hit was the lone studio track from their live album Caught in the Act. As I've said before, this is even more of a Devo ripoff than "Mr. Roboto." And the lyrics are just Dennis DeYoung listing off things he likes. And somehow, I like this a lot. Apparently, Tommy Shaw didn't, though. I see his point, but I still think it's cheesily charming.
In Part Three: 1985-1988
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