Putting a bow on two-triple-oh.
20 - "It's My Life," Bon Jovi
19 - "No More," Ruff Endz
18 - "He Loves U Not," Dream
17 - "Pinch Me," Barenaked Ladies
16 - "If You're Gone," Matchbox Twenty
The second half begins with Bon Jovi, the one hair-metal act that had continued to have hits well into the 21st century. In fact, their first hit of the new millennium has become one of their signature songs. It's anthemic pop-rock about not giving up on your dreams, featuring shout outs to Frank Sinatra and even the band's "Livin' on a Prayer" creations Tommy and Gina. And now I learn that the song was co-written by...Max Martin. Man, that guy's been popping up everywhere for a long time.
R&B duo Ruff Endz continued a big week for Baltimore, joining homeboys SR-71 and Sisqo as representatives from "Charm City" on this chart. Their biggest hit was this song about telling an ex that you won't take her on any more shopping sprees or to nightclub VIP rooms, and also you won't have sex with her anymore. We've all been there, right?
Next is the biggest hit by Dream, a girl group brought to prominence after signing to Sean Combs' Bad Boy Records. It's state-of-the-art chart fodder about how their man isn't interested in you, no matter what you do. It came, it went, it's gone.
Then it's the last major American hit by Barenaked Ladies, a loping pop song about lazing away the days. It's probably more reflective of their overall output than "One Week." And although they're not burning up the charts anymore, they're still being heard by millions every Thursday night when the opening theme from The Big Bang Theory plays. So surely they have a million dollars by now. I wonder if they've found any "dijon ketchups."
This section closes with...well, you see it there. By this time, they'd changed the presentation of the second part of their name from the number to the word. Somehow, that made me hate them even more. This song is just dull and mushy and dumb. They're terrible.
15 - "Don't Think I'm Not," Kandi
14 - "You're a God," Vertical Horizon
13 - "Jumpin', Jumpin'," Destiny's Child
12 - "Dance with Me," Debelah Morgan
11 - "Independent Women," Destiny's Child
The quintet is led off by the biggest solo hit by Kandi Burruss, formerly of the Atlanta girl group Xscape. It's a sparse, freestylish dance tune about how her man shouldn't think he's the only one in their relationship running around. Will honesty keep these two together? I don't care.
Washington band Vertical Horizon had a surprise #1 earlier in the year with "Everything You Want," and this week they're here with the follow-up. Like their first hit, it's bland pop-rock with lyrics that are less meaningful than they think they are. Yawn.
Next is the first of two hits in this batch by Houston's Destiny's Child. The first is this slinky bumper that tells people to leave their significant others behind and go out to the club to dance with strangers. Interesting message. Still, it's got a great groove, and it's probably my favorite song of theirs.
Then it's the only major pop hit for R&B singer Debelah Morgan. It's nothing special, but the little infusion of tango spices things up a bit. Okay.
We finish this part with more of Beyonce and company. This one is a strident declaration of female empowerment that was written for the soundtrack of the movie version of the 70s TV series Charlie's Angels. Solid song. Ironically, in the year 2000, multiple women found themselve suddenly independent of Destiny's Child. There were quite a few lineup changes. Not that many people cared. It always was the Beyonce show.
They've been ordered to stop the recounts, so these are the Top Ten we're gonna have to live with.
10 - "She Bangs," Ricky Martin
This bit of Latin innuendo was Martin's last major Anglo solo hit. However, its place in the pop culture pantheon was truly secured when a university student named William Hung memorably massacred it during the auditions for the third season of American Idol. Apparently, Hung now works for the Los Angeles Sherriff's Department. He's probably better off than 99% of the people who actually make it to the voting stage of the show.
9 - "Shape of My Heart," Backstreet Boys
The Boys picked up their final Top Ten with this meh ballad. And why do that want to show us the shape of their hearts anyway? That sounds more grotesque than romantic.
8 - "Faded," SoulDecision
Yes, Canada had its very own boy-band scene, including such acts as b4-4, Wave, and The Moffatts. But the only one to have any sort of success in America were these Vancouverites, who managed one U.S. hit with this mildly funky sex plea. Not bad, as these things go, plus they had the good sense to leave the rapping to an actual rapper, fellow Canadian Thrust.
7 - "Gotta Tell You," Samantha Mumba
Born in Dublin to an Irish mother and a Zambian father, Mumba scored her only major American hit at 17 with this okay teen-pop love song. She was better than this material.
6 - "Case of the Ex," Mya
Washington native Mya Harrison had her biggest solo pop hit with this warning to a lover that his former flame is making a play to get him back. A decent song, but it tends to blend in with many others in the memory.
5 - "This I Promise You," 'N Sync
Typical boy band gooeyness. I bet Timberlake wouldn't even think of doing this one in concert. That is, if he ever decides to go back to music.
4 - "Music," Madonna
The Material Girl (yes, they'll probably still call her that when she's 80) picked up her last American #1 to date with this slinky electrodance ode to rhythm and melody and such. How it "mix(es) the bourgeoisie and the rebel," I'm still not sure, but it remains one of her last great singles.
3 - "Kryptonite," 3 Doors Down
These Mississippians had their biggest hit with their debut single, this rocker about being there for one's friends and hoping the reverse is true. I liked this one when it came out, and I still do. The beat is cool, making for a kind of "Skynyrd goes ska" effect. However, everything else I've heard from them is lunkheaded crap.
2 - "Most Girls," Pink
Pennsylvania-born Alecia Moore had her second Top Ten with this song about not caring about a man's wealth. Like most of her debut album, it's R&B/pop, with Pink unconvincingly referring to herself as "shorty." To her credit, she knew that this wasn't who she was, and for her next album, she defied her record label by making the kind of music she truly wanted to make. And for once, that actually worked, and has worked ever since. I'm hot and cold on her music, but I do admire her chutzpah.
And at number one on this date, we find...
1 - "With Arms Wide Open," Creed
Coming out of Tallahassee, Florida, these sorta-Christian rockers became huge stars at the turn of the century with their diluted version of grunge rock. Their sole pop #1 was this drone ballad that's basically a bad boy-band number with electric guitars instead of synths and Scott Stapp's belch-singing instead of a teenage falsetto. Crap crap crap. Many celebrated when these guys broke up in 2004, cringed when a sex tape co-starring Stapp and Kid Rock came out in 2006, and were devastated when the band reunited in 2009. But they're still not worse than Matchbox 20.
The usual three LDDs. In the first, a teenage girl dedicated Des'Ree's "You Gotta Be" to her former high school cross-country teammate. Then, a woman dedicated the Whitney Houston/Mariah Carey duet "When You Believe," to her brother who was still awaiting a suitable liver transplant. Finally, another teen girl dedicated Phil Collins' "You'll Be in My Heart" to her first boyfriend.
The one thing that stood out in the commercials was the barrage of ads for an MTV special counting down the Top 100 Pop Songs of All Time. I looked up that list. It looks all right at the very top, then you see "I Want it That Way," at number fucking 10. The breakdown continues when "...Baby One More Time" shows up at 25, and then..."Smooth" at number 31????!!!!!! Number 31 million is more like it, and that's probably still too high. Needless to say, at that point all credibility is forfeited.
Next time: we're in December 2001. Between the time we covered here and then, some major changes had taken place in the world. Did the popular music of the time reflect that? Come back and find out.
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