There was only one new-to-me song on this week's 1976 chart, the religious funk of Eddie Kendricks' "He's a Friend." So let's just go ahead and finish off 1981.
20 - "A Little in Love," Cliff Richard
19 - "Hearts on Fire," Randy Meisner
18 - "Angel of the Morning," Juice Newton
17 - "Celebration," Kool and the Gang
16 - "I Can't Stand It," Eric Clapton
The second half begin with Cliff Richard's slab of blandness. He's kind of like the Elvis of England, you know. They kind of got the short end of that one, don't you think?
Next is Randy Meisner, formerly of both Poco and the Eagles, with his biggest solo hit. It's countryish pop-rock, not surprisingly. And it's about "achin' with desire." It filled space on radio playlists, but not much more.
Juice Newton is back from June with her cover of Merilee Rush's 1968 morning-after hit. It was wrtitten by Chip Taylor, who's Jon Voight's brother and, therefore, Angelina Jolie's uncle. Interesting.
Then it's Kool and the Gang, back from January with their party anthem. For me, it just tries too hard.
This group closes with Eric Clapton, who's apparently sick of the woman who's "playing around with my heart." I wonder if this one's about Patti Boyd too. I'm guessing not. Anyway, it's decent, chugging pop-rock, and better than a lot of his solo hits.
15 - "I Love a Rainy Night," Eddie Rabbitt
14 - "Morning Train (9 to 5)," Sheena Easton
13 - "Don't Stand So Close to Me," The Police
12 - "The Winner Takes it All," ABBA
11 - "While You See a Chance," Steve Winwood
This section is led off by Eddie Rabbitt and his afftection for evening showers. I don't share this, but still, this is fairly decent as early-80s country-pop goes.
Scottish lass Sheena Easton made her worldwide breakthrough with this #1 smash about a woman who waits patiently every day for her man to get off work so they can "play all night." It's catchy retro-pop with a kick, and its charm somewhat makes up for its retrograde gender politics. It's sexy, too, but in a much more wholesome way than Sheena would later get with "Strut" and "Sugar Walls."
Next are The Police with their second U.S. Top Ten, a menacing reggae-New Wave hybrid about a teacher trying to control the mutual sexual attraction between himself and a female student half his age. Effective pop drama, and to my knowledge, the only U.S. Top 40 hit to directly reference Vladimir Nabokov.
Then ABBA return with their almost operatic portrayal of the end of a relationship. It's like a four-minute soap opera, and more entertaining than most full-length ones.
This bunch is rounded out by the first solo hit for Steve Winwood, who had made his name in the 60s and 70s with The Spencer Davis Group, Blind Faith, and Traffic. It's catchy keyboard-rock about seizing the day, "because it's all on you." Good advice, but Steve, I'd rather not "fake it" when I finde romannce. But that's just me.
Top ten, you are cleared for takeoff.
10 - "What Kind of Fool," Barbra Streisand and Barry Gibb
Babs n' Barry had the second of their two duet hits with this ballad about guilt and regret at the end of a relationship. The two very much try to out-drama queen each other by the end of this. Barbra wins on my scorecard.
9 - "Kiss on My List," Daryl Hall and John Oates
After not being able to get back to the Top Ten in the four years following the #1 "Rich Girl," H&O made their triumphant return to the top spot with this sprightly pop tune about how great liplocking with one particular woman is. And thus began a four-year period when you couldn't get away from these guys on the radio. Which wasn't necessarily a bad thing.
8 - "Just the Two of Us," Grover Washington, Jr. with Bill Withers
Grover and Bill return from June with their romance-jazz smash. This was just made for wine and fireplaces.
7 - "9 to 5," Dolly Parton
Dolly's exuberant ode to workaday frustration. It was because of this that Sheena Easton had to change the main title of her hit to "Morning Train." in America. Both songs have their appeal, but I prefer this one.
6 - "Hello Again," Neil Diamond
And hello to you, Neil. And be honest, did you really think donning blackface and doing a sex scene with Lucie Arnaz was going to make you a movie star?
5 - "Crying," Don McLean
Stick to "American Pie," Donnie. You're out of your element taking on Roy.
4 - "Keep On Loving You," REO Speedwagon
The fire engine band's breakthough. I can't do what the song says, though, because I never loved it in the first place.
3 - "The Best of Times," Styx
A big ballad from the band named after the river that divides Earth from the Underworld in Greek mythology. Some advice: If you want to make your child truly invincible, dip him in twice, holding a different foot each time. No one told Achilles' mom that, and look what happened.
2 - "Woman," John Lennon
As the world still mourned him, John reminded us why we loved him in the first place with a simple, heart-on-sleeve love song. The man was a rare soul.
And the biggest hit in the U.S. of A. thirty years ago was...
1 - "Rapture," Blondie
The last of the New Wave legends' four #1 singles was this classic disco-rocker that went down in history as the first song to contain rap to top the American charts. After two verses sung in her best seductive coo, Deborah Harry, unknowingly laying the groundwork for Vanilla Ice and Eminem, starts rhyming a tale of a "man from Mars" who comes down to earth and begins eating things. He starts by consuming your head, then he goes on nightly rampages, first devouring automobiles ranging from Cadillacs to Subarus, than moving on to eating bars "where the people meet." But after deciding to no longer gorge on taverns and pubs that have televisions, the Martian returns to space and decides that his diet will from that point forward only consist of...guitars. Yes, of course this is this week's Uneasy Rider. It's wonderfully, fantastically weird. And I'm no rap connoisseur, but to my ears, Debbie had a fairly decent flow.
This week's NotCaseys were "I Love You" by the Climax Blues Band, "You Better You Bet" by The Who, "Watching the Wheels" by John Lennon, and "Bette Davis Eyes" by Kim Carnes. Casey led off the show by playing the previous week's #1, "Keep on Loving You," and during the show, he played three mid-60s charttoppers: the Supremes' "Come See About Me," the Beatles' "I Feel Fine," and Petula Clark's "Downtown." And there were two LDDs. First, a woman dedicated Gladys Knight and the Pips' "Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me," to the cousing who became her really close friend. And later, a man dedicated Billy Swan's "I Can Help" to the woman who helped him pass his CPR class.
And we're out. But next week, I'll be pulled back in.
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