THE MOTHER STANDS FOR COMFORT BOWL
"Dear Mama," 2Pac, 1995
vs. "A Song for Mama," Boyz II Men, 1997
FINAL SCORE: Dear 35, Song 10. 2Pac's side had more toughness and grit, and so they dominated the Boyz. But the losers are more lovers than fighters anyway, so they were just happy to go home with the cheerleaders.
THE WE'RE ALL GOD'S CHILDREN BOWL
"Jesus to a Child," George Michael, 1996
vs. "Butterfly Kisses," Raybon Bros., 1997
FINAL SCORE: Butterfly 48, Jesus 6. It was a dominant performance by the Raybons, who played without helmets in order to employ their unique blocking and tackling techniques. George took the loss hard, but he took comfort in the fact that he has more contenders in the tournament.
THE ME AND MY DAD, IT'S COMPLICATED BOWL
"Oh Father," Madonna, 1990
vs. "The Last Song," Elton John, 1993
FINAL SCORE; Last 20, Father 10. Both teams played defensively, but Elton's team were inspired when a familiar face showed up in the stands in the fourth quarter. Madonna's dad took his seat around the same time, but his presence seemed to have the opposite effect.
THE BIG QUESTION BOWL
"Counting Blue Cars," Dishwalla, 1996
vs. "One of Us," Joan Osborne, 1996
FINAL SCORE: One 31, Cars 27. This was a close one, with both teams making some divinely inspired plays. But Osborne's team got the win with a late touchdown by an unathletic-looking guy they convinced their opponents might be unstoppable. The Dishwallas decided not to even try, instead bowing to him as he walked into the end zone. After the game, the One squad received a phone call from a number with a Vatican City area code.
THE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST BOWL
"Personal Jesus," Depeche Mode, 1990
vs. "Jesus He Knows Me," Genesis, 1992
FINAL SCORE; Personal 41, Knows 21. The Mode made the Genesis team believers with a pounding attack. The Knows blamed their loss on their fans not buying enough merch.
THE DIVINE GUIDANCE BOWL
"Pray," MC Hammer, 1990
vs. "Place in This World," Michael W. Smith, 1991
FINAL SCORE: Pray 45, Place 8. From the opening kickoff, it was Hammer time, as the Pray boys rode fancy footwork and a playbook partially borrowed from Prince to an easy victory. Smith's squad continues to look for their life's purpose after learning that winning this tournament wasn't it.
THE GOD ONLY KNOWS BOWL
"Praying for Time," George Michael, 1990
vs. "From a Distance," Bette Midler, 1990
FINAL SCORE: Time 34, Distance 12. God may have stopped keeping score, but the scoreboard operator kept at it, and the result was a bounceback win for Mr. Michael. All of Midler's points came from field goals, because they could only see the end zone...from a distance.
THE THIS MIGHT NOT BE WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE BOWL
"Losing My Religion," REM, 1991
vs. "One," U2, 1992
FINAL SCORE: Losing 28, One 10.
THE SOULFUL SEARCHING BOWL
"Tennessee," Arrested Development, 1992
vs. "Praise You," Fatboy Slim, 1999
FINAL SCORE: Tennessee 42, Praise 17
THE MOURN YOU TILL I JOIN YOU BOWL
"Gangsta Lean," DRS, 1994
vs. "Tha Crossroads," Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, 1996
FINAL SCORE: Crossroads 33, Gangsta 14
THE SEEKING ORDER IN CHAOS BOWL
"Crazy," Seal, 1991
vs. "Flood," Jars of Clay, 1996
FINAL SCORE: Crazy 24, Flood 17.
THE LOOKING UP BOWL
"Between You and Me," DC Talk, 1996
vs. "On and On," Erykah Badu, 1997
FINAL SCORE: On 52, Between 14.
THE NEVER FEAR, MJ'S HERE BOWL
"Black Or White," Michael Jackson, 1991
vs. "Heal the World," Michael Jackson, 1993
THE DROPPING DEEP THOUGHTS AND NAMES BOWL
"Man on the Moon," REM, 1993
vs. "You Get What You Give," New Radicals, 1999
FINAL SCORE: Moon 38, Give 17.
THE UNDER ALL THE HAIR, WE CARE BOWL
"Something to Believe In," Poison, 1990
vs. "Livin' on the Edge," Aerosmith, 1993
FINAL SCORE: Believe 34, Edge 10
THE SO LONG, CHECKPOINT CHARLIE BOWL
"Right Here Right Now," Jesus Jones, 1991
vs. "Wind of Change," Scorpions, 1991
FINAL SCORE: Wind 26, Right 17.
