THE SECURITY AT HOME OR ON THE ROAD BOWL
"Cars," Gary Numan, 1980
vs. "Somebody's Watching Me," Rockwell, 1983
Final Score: Watching 42, Cars 10. The Rockwell team continued their pattern of playing like someone was after them, while the Numen weren't feeling it on this day and just wanted to get back on their bus where they felt safest. But as usual, the Somebodys left the stadium without showering or changing, because no one could convince them that there weren't hidden cameras in the locker room.
THE STOP BANGING ON THE DOOR, I CAN'T HEAR WHAT THE CAT IS SAYING BOWL
"Wasn't That a Party," The Rovers, 1981
vs. "Love Shack," The B-52s, 1989
Final Score: Party 34. Shack 17. Once again, binging on alcohol before the game unleashed the wild energy of the Rovers, and they coasted over their much mellower opponents, who piled into their whale-sized team Cadillac and kept celebrating in spite of the loss. The Party continues, but when will the hangover kick in?
THE SAILING ALONG WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD BOWL
"Don't Worry Be Happy," Bobby McFerrin, 1988
vs. "Orinoco Flow," Enya, 1989
Final Score: Worry 34, Flow 28. It was McFerrin's carefree philosophy versus Enya's polished yet free-flowing style, but in the end, the Happy side's extraordinary talented individuals gave them a hard-fought victory. The Orinocos departed for whatever their next adventure may be, with team captain Rob Dickins at the wheel of their team yacht.
THE EATING AND WORKING BOWL
"Eat It," Weird Al Yankovic, 1984
vs. "Money for Nothing," Dire Straits, 1985
Final Score: Eat 38, Money 13. Both teams were well-conditioned, with the Eaters being very particular about what they put in their bodies and the Straits keeping fit while doing their quite physical day jobs. But the turning point in the game was the halftime show, during which a famous rock band performed. For some reason the Money boys decided to stay and watch instead of going to their locker room, and they were so distracted by their jealousy of the band's wealth and lifestyle that they allowed Al's team to dominate the last two quarters.
THE SOME STRANGE CREATURES ATR SCARIER THAN OTHERS BOWL
"Heartlight," Neil Diamond, 1982
vs. "Thriller," Michael Jackson, 1984
Final Score: Heartlight 27, Thriller 23. There was concern before the game that the naive, innocent Diamond players would crumble before the frightening abilities of the Thrillers. But this was a case of a team not being intimidated because they didn't know they should be, and they pulled out the win with a miraculous looking aerial play that Jackson's aggressive but slow-moving defense could not contain.
THE CAUSING AND RELIEVING PAIN BOWL
"General Hospi-Tale," The Afternoon Delights, 1981
vs. "Burning Heart," Survivor, 1986
Final Score: General 38, Heart 7. The loveable palookas of the Survivor squad brought their usual intensity, but the shocking and dramatic twists and turns of the Delights' strategy had them so compelled that they just wanted to watch and see what would happen next. What Ivan Drago couldn't do, Luke and Laura could.
THE CRIMEFIGHTERS VS. SLIMEFIGHTERS BOWL
"Ghostbusters," Ray Parker Jr., 1984
vs. "Batdance," Prince, 1989
Final Score: Batdance 41, Ghostbusters 21. Both teams had cool uniforms and a lot of gadget plays, but the Prince team were able to vary the tempo of the game and confuse the Busters to the point where they sometimes seemed like they were trying to tackle invisible spirits. The Bat-winners move on to the next round, while the losers have already scheduled a new opponent, a team called the Zuul Gatekeepers.
THE ATTACHMENTS BOWL
"Theme from New York, New York," Frank Sinatra, 1980
vs. "Velcro Fly," ZZ Top, 1986
Final Score: Velcro 31, New York 17. The Velcros continued to lean on their sticky-handed receivers and tenaciously clinging defense, and they were able to stop the New Yorkers from making it to the next round. Losing coach Sinatra was not happy, and he berated his players after the game for hours, into the wee small hours of the morning.
THE SWEET TRANSFORMATION BOWL
"Turning Japanese," The Vapors, 1980
vs. "Sugar Walls," Sheena Easton, 1985
Final Score: Japanese 49, Walls 6. The Vapors knew their opponents inside and out, and they used that knowledge to repeatedly penetrate the barriers the Sugar squad put up. The losing team now faces a government investigation into their alleged dirty play, spearheaded by a Mrs. T. Gore.
THE SHOOT YOUR SHOT BOWL
"U Got the Look," Prince and Sheena Easton, 1987
vs. "Bust a Move," Young MC, 1989
Final Score: Bust 31, Look 17. Both teams came in known for their innovative strategies for picking up points, but the Young side had more of them. Prince and Sheena folded up their peach and black uniforms, turned off the ugly lights in their dressing room, and moved on to their next competition, The World Series of Love. Unlike this tournament, the Lookers are heavily favored to go all the way in that one.
THE TAME YOURSELF BOWL
"Keep Your Hands to Yourself," The Georgia Satellites, 1987
vs "Wild Thing," Tone Loc, 1989
Final Score: Hands 17, Wild 10. The persistence of the Loc team was unable to score much against the staunch defense of the Georgia boys, who shut down the Wild ones time after time. Even worse for Tone, he was under the impression that his players were playing for him pro bono, and was surprised to learn after they were eliminated that they expected to be paid. His response was "Hasta la vista, baby," and he immediately fled the stadium.
THE SMARTS AND SADISM BOWL
"Whip It," Devo, 1980
vs. "Genius of Love," Tom Tom Club, 1982
Final Score: Whip 30, Genius 14. The Tom Toms used all of the legendary names on their roster, from Bohannon to Marley to Robinson to Brown, but they couldn't escape the lash of Devo's crack offense. There were several bounces that didn't go their way, which some blame on the Clubbers not paying attention to the damaged floor of their dressing room.
THE HORSES DON'T SURF BOWL
"Run for the Roses," Dan Fogelberg, 1982
vs. "Wipe Out," The Fat Boys and the Beach Boys, 1987
Final Score: Roses 37, Wipe 7. The wave that the Boys had ridden through the first two rounds crashed in this game. Fogelberg had the horses to run all over their opponents, taking advantage of the less-conditioned players on the Out squad. The Roses are running strong as they approach the midway point of their race.
THE TIME HAS COME TO GIVE THE BOAT CAPTAIN HIS MONEY BOWL
"Don't Pay the Ferryman," Chris De Burgh, 1983
vs. "Beds are Burning," Midnight Oil, 1988
Final Score: Beds 24, Ferryman 14. The diesel-powered Oils were committed to their cause, and they were able to stay ahead of the Ferrymen throughout the game. And once again, money became an issue, as De Burgh's starting quarterback, though uninjured, remained in the locker room after halftime as a result of a pay dispute.
THE WHAT'S MY NAME BOWL
"Bruce," Rick Springfield, 1984
vs. "You Can Call Me Al," Paul Simon, 1987
Final Score: Bruce 27, Al 16. In spite of their success, both teams came into this game with identity crises. But Springfield's side seemed to let that frustration motivate them to conquer, while Paul's players seemed to come to some clarity about who they were sometime during the second half, and while this brought them contentment, it seemed to make them less focused on winning the game. Congratulations to the Als on their self-actualization, but even more congratulations to the Bruces on moving on to round 4.
THE TACO OR TCHAIKOVSKY BOWL
"Hooked on Classics," The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, 1981
vs. "Puttin' on the Ritz," Taco, 1983
Final Score: Ritz 23, Classics 20 (OT). A close battle between two old school teams could not be settled in 60 minutes. It was the Taco team's fancy footwork that provided the difference in overtime. It goes to show that even having one of the greatest playbooks ever doesn't guarantee success.
