December 11, 1976 Part Two

Second half...

20 - "Love Ballad," L.T.D
19 - "Hot Line," The Sylvers
18 - "Dazz," Brick
17 - "Love Me," Yvonne Elliman
16 - "Stand Tall," Burton Cummings

Leading off are L.T.D., whose initials stood for Love Togetherness Devotion. Ain't that sweet? Certainly sweeter than writing a love ballad called "Love Ballad" that's only slightly less generic than its title.

The Sylvers were nine siblings from Memphis who at this time ranged in age from 14 to 25. They had topped the charts earlier in the year with "Boogie Fever." In this follow-up, they're searching for a lover via the telephone, even employing the help of the FBI and CIA. Um, if she's that hard to contact, shouldn't one take that as a hint? But then there'd be no song, I suppose

Brick are back, having more fun making up words. Last time we came across them, they coined "Dusic," as a short form for "dance music." On this, their biggest hit, the title is a less time-consuming way to say "disco jazz." The song's all right, but not as fun as making up your own crazy words for mashed-up genres. "Threzmer." "Fip-hop." "Grountry and Pestern."

Yvonne Elliman is next. She was born in Hawaii, gained fame in both the stage and film versions of Jesus Christ Superstar, then took on the pop world. This is a half-decent disco ballad, but to me, her greatest accomplishment will always be singing by far my favorite track on the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack, "If I Can't Have You." Apparently, the execs in charge wanted her to sing "How Deep is Your Love" instead, but the Bee Gees insisted on doing it themselves and gave her a different composition of theirs to sing. I think that worked out pretty well.

Rounding out this quintet is the only U.S. solo hit for Guess Who frontman Burton Cummings. It's a big ballad that seems to be about talking oneself out of suicide. It's suitably bombastic and uplifting. Nothing near his best Guess Who work, though.

15 - "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald," Gordon Lightfoot
14 - "I Never Cry," Alice Cooper
13 - "After the Lovin'" Engelbert Humperdinck
12 - "Beth," Kiss
11 - "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word," Elton John

This group starts with Gordon Lightfoot's epic tale of a shipwreck on "the Great Lake they call Gitchee-Gumee." And unlike last time, I got to hear it. Casey played the whole thing, and there were definitely other songs that got edited down because of it, but really, you can't cut this one down and do it justice.

Alice Cooper is here, in the heart of the period where his only hits were ballads. On this one, he demonstrates an impressive vulnerability, even hinting at his real-life struggle with alcoholism. Though I still find the line about his heart being a virgin a little creepy.

Even as a child, I knew there was something smarmy about Engelbert Humperdinck. I didn't know how dirty his borrowed moniker sounded, nor was I aware exactly what "the lovin'" was. But I knew there was something kind of oily and off about the whole enterprise. And listening to this again, I shuddered. It's one of the few songs that could make me long for "Feelings."

Kiss are here with another one of the songs I missed last time. It's pretty enough, but weird to imagine it being sung in Peter Criss' cat makeup

Last in this section is Elton John, returning to piano balladry after a few ventures into more discoey waters. The man could do these in his sleep.

IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!!!!

10 - "Nights are Forever Without You," England Dan and John Ford Coley
Okay, this one is almost as familiar to me as "I'd Really Love to See You Tonight." I guess less familiarity breeds less contempt, because I can tolerate this one much more.

9 - "You are the Woman," Firefall
No, I'm not, guys. Go away.

8 - "Nadia's Theme," Barry DeVorzon and Perry Botkin, Jr.
I told you the Young and the Restless/Nadia Comaneci story behind this instrumental last time, and I have nothing to add. Is Michael Damian still on that show?

7 - "More Than a Feeling," Boston
Tom Scholz sees his Mary Ann walking away. Well, I guess he'll have to console himself with Ginger.

6 - "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing," Leo Sayer
Can't deny, this song does get the feet in movin' mode. But I've never sang it in the mirror, like teenaged Homer Simpson and Barney Gumble did once, prompting Homer's father to rant about how what he's with isn't it, and what's it feels weird and scary to him.

5 - "You Don't Have to Be a Star (To Be in My Show)," Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis, Jr.
Two "Juniors" in the top ten simultaneously. I wonder if that's a record. Anyway, decent song, great job.

4 - "Muskrat Love," The Captain and Tennille
The last of the songs I missed last time, and because I got to hear it and bask in its cheesy goodness (which was considerable, despite the rodent-sex verse being cut for time), it belatedly claims an Uneasy Rider Award. According to a story Casey told last night, the duo performed it at a White House reception for Queen Elizabeth, and a member of Her Majesty's entourage later called it "an insult," saying that a song about animals making love was inappropriate to be played in front of royalty. I must say, I agree. I also feel that songs about royals making love are inappropriate to be played in front of animals. That's just nasty.

3 - "Love So Right," The Bee Gees
"...turned out to be so wrong." This one might be more appropriate for royalty, given the Windsors' recent track record. Good luck William and Kate, I guess.

2 - "The Rubberband Man," The Spinners
Damn, these guys were great. This is kind of a novelty, but these guys work it so hard you can still take them seriously, unlike, say, "My Ding-a-Ling."

And the song that was still rockin' America 34 years ago was...

1 - "Tonight's the Night (Gonna Be Alright)," Rod Stewart
This seduction jam starts off on a bit of a creepy note, with Rod telling his conquest-to-be to stay away from the window and the back door. Nothing like asking someone not to try and escape to build a mood of romance. Well, apparently she didn't get away, because he refers to his "virgin child" as "girl" in the first two verses, then as "woman" in the last one. Damn, Rod, you couldn't even finish the song before deflowering her?

Three pretty well-known songs were this week's NotCasey extras: Aerosmith's "Walk This Way," ABBA's "Dancing Queen," and a live version of Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Free Bird."

On to the next. Apparently, Casey used to do special Christmas and "Top Hits of the Year," shows around this time. I wonder if we'll get any of those in these next three weeks.