The OMUTURE: Round 5

 THE OUTNUMBERED BUT NOT OUTSTUNNED BOWL

"19," Paul Hardcastle, 1985

vs. "One," Metallica, 1989

Final Score: Nineteen 35, One 27.  Both teams came out ready for a war, and the hard hitting and relentless pressure caused a lot of injuries on both sides.  The 19 team, however, seemed to have a deeper bench.  It seemed like Hardcastle had hundreds, if not thousands, of young men at his disposal, ready to come in and take a fallen teammate's place.  Metallica's squad had a lot of heart, but the punishing action took a toll to the point where by the final stages they seemed more than ready for their tournament lives to be over.

THE I AIN'T GONNA PLAY ANYWHERE KINGS ARE GONNA UNDRESS ME BOWL

"I've Never Been to Me," Charlene, 1982

vs. "Sun City," Artists United Against Apartheid, 1986

Final Score: Never 19, City 14.  The Charlene team continued to demonstrate that they were willing to go anywhere and do anything to experience all that this tournament have to offer, where as their opponents were always clear that there were some things they would not do, no matter what it cost them.  And it finally did come to that.  The Artists bow out with their principles intact, while the Me side continue to ignore the voices that tell them that winning this tournament might not be as fulfilling as they think it will be.

THE I'M INTO CLEAN STUFF BOWL

"Pac-Man Fever," Buckner and Garcia, 1982

vs. "Valley Girl," Frank and Moon Zappa, 1982

Final Score: Fever 25, Valley 17.  The Pac-Men prevailed with their quick movement and ability to evade tackles from all sides, while Zappa's team seemed to lose interest in the game in the second half, and were like, ohmigod, these cleats are so ugly, and when I take them off the smell is like grody, grody to the max.  I don't wanna do this anymore.  Let's get this over with and go to the Galleria, you know?

 

THE GIVE ME THAT MAGIC FLUTE, NUMBSKULL BOWL

"The Curly Shuffle," Jump N the Saddle, 1984

vs. "Rock Me Amadeus," Falco, 1986

Final Score: Curly 31, Amadeus 14.  The Saddle side's hard hitting and chaotic offense were impressive once again, but the real story of the game was an injury to Falco's star player, Wolfgang, who went down after an unfortunate collision with his backup, Salieri.  Sone say that Salieri injured Wolfgang intentionally so he could prove that he was a better player, but whether he did so or not, he played poorly and was booed off the field by his own team's fans, while the Shuffle faithful mocked him and pelted him with cream pies.

THE COPING MECHANISMS BOWL

"Eat It," Weird Al Yankovic, 1984

vs. "Don't Worry, Be Happy," Bobby McFerrin, 1988

Final Score: Happy 35, Eat 19.  The difference in this game was a lack of energy on the part of Yankovic's players, which was reportedly caused by lack of nourishment.  Apparently they refused to have anything for a pregame meal because they were unhappy with the options available at the team hotel.  The Happy team had no such issues, and they joyfully romped to yet another victory.

THE I'LL BE RIGHT HERE WATCHING MY STORIES BOWL

"General Hospi-Tale," The Afternoon Delights, 1981

vs. "Heartlight," Neil Diamond, 1982

Final Score: General 27, Heartlight 13.  After their impressive win over Prince, the Delights take down another big name, in large part because Diamond's star player, who had carried the team this far with his otherworldly talent, was so confused by the ever shifting formations of the opposing defense that he was confused and frustrated and finally just wanted to go home.  Interestingly, he did not leave the stadium on the bus with his teammates, but rather was picked up by a mysterious vehicle of another kind.  But this player, who was referred to by his initials only, lit up this tournament while he was here, and memories of his performances will never leave us.

THE HOPEFULLY THERE'S NOT A CELIBATE ROPE IN THAT CELL BOWL

"Turning Japanese," The Vapors, 1980

vs. "Bust a Move," Young MC, 1989

Final Score: Turning 28, Bust 10.  The Vapors team disoriented their opponents by turning up, turning down, turning in and turning round. The Young boys' moves were not distracting enough to divert the laser focus of the Japanese team. The losing team will now turn their attentions to scoring on a different kind of playing field.

THE MY NAME ISN'T SECRETARIAT EITHER BOWL

"Run for the Roses," Dan Fogelberg, 1982

vs. "Bruce," Rick Springfield, 1984

Final Score: Roses 37, Bruce 7.  Springfield's team seemed to struggle with their identity in this game, while Fogelberg's side knew exactly who they were and what they had to do: they were athletes formed by genetics and training, and they wanted to run, run, run until the race, er, game, was over.  And then enjoy a postgame meal of oats, carrots, and a sugar cube for dessert.

Episode #94: The Old Man's Ultimate Tournament of Uneasy Riders of the 80s - Semifinals

 Episode #94

The Final Four square off:

19 vs. Don't Worry, Be Happy 

Pac-Man Fever vs. The Curly Shuffle 

The YouTube playlist is here.

The link to support the show on Patreon is here.

No clever closing line, just listen.

Episode #93: February 2, 1991

Episode #93

This episode covers hits from midwinter of 1991, including songs by Helix, The Farm, Iggy Pop, Wilson Phillips, INXS, C+C Music Factory, Blue Rodeo and more.  See and hear more on YouTube here, and consider supporting the show on Patreon here.  Go ahead, be impulsive and listen to this one.

The OMYAM Podcast Episode #92: January 18, 1986

Episode #92

This episode talks about hits from 36 years ago, featuring songs by Twisted Sister, Grace Jones, The Box, Nana Mouskouri, Paul McCartney, A-ha, Eddie Murphy and more.  Listen and watch more on YouTube here, and consider supporting the show on Patreon here.  This episode is available in every city and every nation, from Lake Geneva to the Finland Station. 

The OMUTURE: Round 4

THE WHAT HAPPENED AFTER DIEN BIEN PHU FELL BOWL

"19," Paul Hardcastle, 1985

vs. "We Didn't Start the Fire," Billy Joel, 1989

Final Score: Nineteen 28, Fire 14.  Hardcastle's battle-hardened unit was able to handle all of the different offenses the Fire brigade threw at them.  But losing coach Joel seemed relieved that his tournament was over, as he was heard to exclaim "I can't take it anymore!"

THE GETTING BLOWN UP CAN HAVE DIFFERENT MEANINGS BOWL 

"99 Luftballons," Nena, 1984

vs. "One," Metallica, 1989

Final Score: One 27, Luftballons 24 (OT). Both teams are known for playing like there's no tomorrow, so it was not surprising that the game wasn't decided in regulation time.  Nena's team got the ball first in overtime, and they immediately went for a long bomb.  They thought it was the winning play, but instead it spelled the end for them, as it was picked off and allowed Metallica to kick the clinching field goal.  The defeated Germans left the stadium without taking down the colorful decorations they had put up in their dressing room in anticipation of a victory.

THE WOMAN CONFESSES TO BEING UNDRESSED BY KINGS, FILM AT 11 BOWL

"I've Never Been to Me," Charlene, 1982

vs. "Dirty Laundry," Don Henley, 1983

Final Score: Me 34, Laundry 14.  The first half was close, as both teams were very capable of getting down and dirty in the trenches.  But at halftime, Charlene told Henley that the flashy way the teams were playing was setting a bad example and that going to a simple, clean game plan was the way to really win.  The Laundry squad took that to heart, but the Never team kept on with their high-flying, self-centred offense and pulled away.  They move on, but are they really happy about it?

THE IT'S NOT ABOUT THE WEATHER BOWL

"Sun City," Artists United Against Apartheid, 1986

vs. "Rain on the Scarecrow," John Cougar Mellencamp, 1986

Final Score: Sun 31, Rain 30.  Both teams brought the inensity that comes when you're fighting for something more than just winning a football game.  In the end, it was a couple of lesser-known talents who stepped up at key moments to give them the narrow win.  It was a bad day all around for the Scarecrows, as not only did they lose, but after the game, their uniforms, equipment, and event their team bus was repossessed by the bank.  There's just memories for them now.

THE DOMO ARIGATO FOR THE QUARTERS, MOM BOWL

"Pac-Man Fever," Buckner and Garcia, 1982

vs. "Mr. Roboto," Styx, 1983

Final Score: Fever 41, Roboto 10.  It was another dominant Pac-Man performance, as they gobbled up yardage and dodged tackles on their way to another high score.   There was controversy afterward when the losing team removed their helmets to reveal that they were a different team called The Kilroys, but because they were the team that was there for the game, the Uneasy Rider Tournament Committee has decided that result will stand.

THE LIKE, OMYGOD, CHEMISTRY IS, LIKE, SO BITCHIN BOWL

"Valley Girl," Frank and Moon Zappa, 1982

vs. "She Blinded Me with Science," Thomas Dolby, 1983

 

Final Score: Valley 38, Science 7.  The Zappas once again were able to confuse their opponents with the bizarre language they used when calling plays at the line of scrimmage. Who knew that "Bag Your Face" was a middle screen?  The Science club experimented with multiple defenses, but they couldn't find the right formula. And as far as offense, the Valley squad saw through pretty much every play Dolby called.  The winning team celebrated their victory by going shopping for jeans and getting pedicures.

THE HAVE WE REALLY EVOLVED THAT MUCH SINCE CAVEMAN TIMES BOWL

"The Curly Shuffle," Jump N the Saddle, 1984

vs. "Walk the Dinosaur," Was (Not Was), 1989

Final Score: Curly 45, Dinosaur 16.  In a battle of teams with basic, almost primitive strategies, the Saddle boys were able to push, shove, poke, wallop, and mertilize their way past the strong but lumbering Dinosaur defense.  The Walkers now face extinction, looking back on what was (not was) and what might have been.

THE PLAYING PIECES BOWL

"One Night in Bangkok," Murray Head, 1985

vs. "Rock Me Amadeus," Falco, 1986

Final Score: Amadeus 33, Bangkok 27.  The unconventional genius of the Falco team managed to pull out a close victory over Murray and his methodical, calculated strategy. His team is out, leaving his players to go back to their bars, their temples, their massage parlors.

THE I CAN SEE WHAT YOU HAD FOR LUNCH BOWL

"Eat It," Weird Al Yankovic, 1984

vs. "Somebody's Watching Me," Rockwell, 1984

Final Score: Eat 27, Watching 17.  Al's boys proved hungry for victory again, and ate up yardage while the Rockwell team's cautious approach seemed to paralyze them at times in this game. It may be because this was the first of their games where fans were allowed in the stands.  

THE YOU CAN BE TOO CAREFREE BOWL

"Wasn't That a Party," The Rovers, 1981

vs. "Don't Worry Be Happy," Bobby McFerrin, 1988

Final Score: Happy 45, Party 3. The Rovers' habit of boisterously celebrating their victories caught up to them, as their players hadn't seemed to completely recover from the aftermath of their last win.  A few players were absent due to being "detained," while those that were there appeared lethargic. Their opponents didn't seem to notice, they just played their game with their usual enthusiasm. The Party is over for the losers, who were seen after the game taking aspirin and slinking onto their bus, where they reportedly spent the whole ride home sleeping off their experience.

THE PORT CHARLES VS. GOTHAM BOWL

"General Hospi-Tale," The Afternoon Delights, 1981

vs. "Batdance," Prince, 1989

Final Score: General 34, Batdance 28.  This was considered something of an upset.  Many thought that Prince's team, with their remarkable strength and gadget plays, could go all the way.  But the Delights attacked with surgical precision and play calls that created dramatic twists in the story of the game. The key play happened in the final minute, as the Bat team were driving for a potential winning score.  A Hospi-Tale defender grabbed the quarterbat, er, quarterback's face mask and removed his helmet.  The Delights were of course given a penalty, but the quarterback, who did not have his name on the back of his his jersey, quickly ran off the field with his hands over his face.  His backup, Dick Grayson, moved the ball a little farther, but was sacked on the final play.

THE SPACE AGE TECHNOLOGY BOWL

"Heartlight," Neil Diamond, 1982

vs. "Velcro Fly," ZZ Top, 1986

Final Score: Heartlight 30, Velcro 13.  The Top team had made it to this point thanks to a sticky defense that grabbed on and wouldn't let go, but their opponents this time seemed capable of flying away from them whenever they really needed to escape a tackle.  The Heartlight squad also seemed to have boundless energy, which may have come by the handfuls of Reese's Pieces the players were eating every time they were on the sideline.  Can they make it all the way, or will there be a sugar crash at some point that sends them home.

THE I'VE GOT A PICTURE OF YOU STEPPING ON A CRACK BOWL

"Whip It," Devo, 1980

vs. "Turning Japanese," The Vapors, 1980

Final Score: Turning 42, Whip 16.  As usual, the Vapors studied their opponents' every move to the point of obsession leading up to the game, and that preparation paid off.  The Devo team, however, claimed that the loss was mainly the caused by bad luck resulting from one of their players stepping on a crack in the pavement of the stadium parking lot.  Reports of the losing team being severely punished for failing to advance are unconfirmed.

THE OFFENSE VS. DEFENSE BOWL

"Keep Your Hands to Yourself," The Georgia Satellites, 1987

vs. "Bust a Move," Young MC, 1989

Final Score: Bust 23, Hands 17.  The Young team and its focus on offensive strategy managed to penetrate what had been a stout and stingy defense for the Georgia boys.  Even worse for the losers, their sponsor reneged on a promise to provide the players with a lifetime supply of free milk for their efforts.  They are reportedly now in the market for a cow.

THE GOOD BREEDING BOWL

"Run for the Roses," Dan Fogelberg, 1982

vs. "Puttin' on the Ritz," Taco, 1983

Final Score: Roses 38, Ritz 21.  Both teams got this far largely by using their legs, but in this matchup, Fogelberg's side and its powerful, straight ahead running game was more effective than the Taco team's fancy footwork. The consolation for the Ritz players was that they do get a considerable amount of prize money for their previous victories, and they plan to spend every dime for a wonderful time.

THE ANGRY AUSSIES BOWL

"Bruce," Rick Springfield, 1984

vs. "Beds are Burning," Midnight Oil, 1988

Final Score: Bruce 28, Beds 27.  Both teams played with a lot of passion, but in the end, the difference may have been the fact that Springfield's team is determined to make sure everyone knows their names at the end of this tournament, while the Oil men are playing less for themselves than for an important cause.  The clock may have struck midnight for the Beds, but their desire to make the world better continues to burn.

The OMYAM Podcast Episode #91: Turn On Tune In Rock Out #11 - 33 1/3 Revolutions Per Monkee and Hey Hey It’s the Monkees!

Episode #91

This episode pays tribute to the late Mike Nesmith by looking at two Monkees TV specials that aired 29 years apart.  One has Little Richard, Fats Domino and Jerry Lee Lewis. The other has...Chuck Woolery.  Watch the shows and other related clips here, and support the show and listen to a Monkees-related episode here.  This episode is too busy talking to put anybody down.

The OMYAM Podcast Episode #90: December 21, 1974

Episode #90

A look at the charts from the end of 1974, including discussions of hits by Bobby Vinton, Showaddywaddy, John Lennon, the Pointer Sisters, Chilliwack, Barry Manilow, Paul Anka and more.  See and hear it all on YouTube here, and support the show on Patreon if you'd like here.  This episode is a newie but a Goodie.